Live from the Pathway Studios in Johnston Proper. You are live from the path. And you're listening to Live From The Path. We're coming from the Pathway Studios here in Johnston Proper. I

love it here. Taxes are low. Rents are high. Yes. Hey, man. Dan's charging you tax. Yeah. No one else got that? Ben, we have a secret deal. No. No. I was under assessed this year, Mike. I don't know. Just the the thrift store priest has been paying all my dues.

Hey. Thanks for hanging out with us. We're glad to see you on the third show of the year here on live from the path. Hey. We got we got fun stuff going on. So big news. Boo is not coming. Oh, that's a shocker. That's yeah. Yeah. He's a working man. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. The guy's got legit work on a on a Monday night at 10:00. You know, I was talking to a guy earlier today that said, hey, man. We got we can't work too late today. I got a date tonight. I said, you have a date on a Monday night? What? He's like Can you do that? That's what I said. I mean, I can't decide whether I've been out of the game so long that I find this so preposterous. Are places open on Monday? But I'm like, who goes out on a Monday night? You gotta get up on Tuesday. I mean, these are terrible ideas.

I've never heard of such a thing. I mean, he's, like, 25. So, I mean, I, you know, like, I've been married a long time. So I guess I I thought, I don't do I don't do nothing on Mondays. I might do some laundry. Spice it up, Mike. Yeah. Spice it up. Yeah. Yeah. So that's a good good introduction here. So meeting the man who's always out on a Monday night, Philip Ramsey. Philip, thanks for joining us on Live From The Path. Absolutely. Thanks for having me. So I'm excited. I'm excited to have Philip on. So we're gonna talk about he he's he's with Uncommon Wealth Partners. And given that it's the start of the year, right,

all kinds of financial goals people have and whatever. Absolutely. And so I I thought it'd be good to have someone we don't know what we're doing. That's why we're doing the Internet radio. And so but but but we can get someone who knows what they're doing in here. And and he's at he's post date Monday night, he's free. And so Hot date to the show. So we're gonna bring him in. And so if you have any questions, we don't do the show live. So you're just gonna you're gonna hear it tomorrow and say, boy, I totally missed out. I'm sorry. It's just the premise of the show. You can't ask. Yeah. But you can hit up the complaint line with something legitimate. So if you got a question that you want us to pass on, but one, he we'll give you his contact information. You can hunt him down on your own. But if you love the complaint line, that's (515) 517-0085. (515) 517-0085. Sponsored unbeknownst to him by Bob Islen Al Lauer with the Eisen Lauer real estate team. Well, he's just the best, isn't he? Yeah. Yeah. His his generosity, I mean, he doesn't even know about us.

It's good thing he doesn't he sleeps well at night. Yeah. He does. We we go and get our sponsorship. The man yeah. I was I was gonna tell him, but, I mean, he's got a family now. Like, he's got a kid, and I thought I think it's scary. There's no reason that he knows that he does not pay anything to sponsor this complaint line. Nope. We're the concrete shoes of the radio world. We don't we don't wanna take Bob down. Yeah. He's too good of people for that. So so here's the deal. We're we're gonna spend, quite a bit of time talking with Phil, but there is Mike, there's something that occurred to me today. Yeah. There was an article on Christianity Day about, like, people people starting to stop answering their text messages. Yeah. Because, like, you got you used to be, I don't answer the phone. Text me. And now people are texting you, and you're like, I may or may not get to that. Oh, shoot. This is like beyond ghosting. This is just like just they just don't. Yeah. Okay. Not like we were dating. Set the train down. I don't know what that means. I have no idea. People I people keep saying this on on instead they're like, he ghosted me. I'm like, I have no idea what that means. Let's say you regularly go out with someone on Monday nights. Got it. Monday night day. You've been dating for, like, six months. Yep. With you? And then all of a sudden they think,

I got John I go out with on Tuesday nights, so they just stop responding to your texts. Yeah. They're just gone. That's ghosting. And you're like, oh, no. They still love me. They're like, they just don't respond. This is Disappear. They've chosen a bad term. Right, Mike? Because, like, when you think ghost, you think haunting people. Yeah. Hanging around when you don't want them to. Yeah. Think of a a clay what's that? Potter's wheel. Oh, the movie ghosts. Yeah. Yeah. You're 35 year old woman then is what you're saying. Hot date. Damn. It's hot dates.

What do you mean? I am what I wanna be. There's a lady there. I just loved the the pottery. So, Mike, here's the question, though. So we we talk a lot we've talked a lot about social media. Yeah. And and, boy, it just sometimes seems like a field you don't wanna play in. But, like, if it's a cesspool but the people are swimming in it,

is it still okay that you're out of it? Are are you asking for because there's opportunity to bring light into a dark time? Yeah. So that that was basically the crux of the article was basically, hey, man. For for all the things that it that it isn't, you still have people who are who have needs and people who are going to places like this is what we talk about like it's People are going to places like that for vindication, to feel better about themselves, because it's the only friends that they have, like, whatever. Yeah. That's not what they're using it for, though. That's the thing. It's like there's I I could see a little bit of that argument. If we were talking about a playing field that lent itself

to interaction and guidance. Yep. And it does not. Like, social media does not do that. They basically the the common premise of social media is, hello, world. This is what I am. Take it. Take it. Or I'm gonna find five more guys that love exactly what I'm doing. But, like, anybody any type of dissent. Right? Like, not even on let's just take all the broad, huge topics that everybody fights about off the table. Some guy wears a a yellow PGA shirt, and they're like, the PGA is dumb, and they write it on your comments. And then all of a sudden, the guy is just wound up tight over a shirt that he was wearing. Right? Or or that shirt doesn't fit you very well. Did you borrow it from your mother? Anything. It doesn't matter what you write of the smallest disagreement, now it's on. Now we're gonna battle. And so, like, it it just it's been my experience through social media that that that is not a platform of which people are open to critique, rebuke, information really or any type of objectivity. So so the the the core thing would be that

someone might say, well, look at all these people looking for attention or looking for connection or whatever. But what what you're saying is the very premise of it does it's not actually opportunity. It just feels like opportunity. Yeah. And so and and maybe I mean, I'm not trying to color all of social like, have healthy social media interactions. Right? And and there's plenty of that. But there the the the people that you're talking about, the darkness that you're talking about, boy, it's

it's hard to put it in in the qualms. Right? Because we were just talking about this is is like when Jesus interacted with people, a lot of it was physical touch. A lot of it was proximity. A lot of it was looking them in the eye. Right? And there's there's certain things that you can't quite get done from miles and faceless and inability to detect sarcasm or inflection in a voice, like, typed word doesn't give all of that. And so, like, there's just so much room for error. I just feel like you're you're leaving a lot of it up to chance, I guess, is what I'm getting at. On top of the fact you're having a conversation between you and another person in front of a thousand people. Yeah. That is awkward. That I find important. Like, I just in in real life and social media, there's nothing

literally nothing that bothers me more than having a two person conversation in front of five people. I absolutely can't stay. I don't know I don't know how people deal with that. But, like, that's all that's what most social media is. Text messaging and and Facebook messaging stuff, I'm totally cool with that. That's just a way to get get a hold of a guy. Right? But, like, when you're having a private conversation or a semi private conversation on a public platform, I I just can't think of any reason that you'd wanna do that. Especially when there there are people who just don't have filters, which is what you're talking about. I mean because I could have a conversation with, hey. I like bluebirds or whatever and blah blah blah. But then there's, yeah, there's always that person that just like, I hate bluebirds. Right. I hate bluebirds. That's stupid. And you're That's why I have cats. Yeah. And it's yeah. So what was the premise of this article? I wanna Well, so the core of it was, it says, love your neighbor in the New Year. Answer your answer their emails and texts. Yeah. And so, like, I started to read it, and then, frankly, it just got a little long, and I decided to bail on it. But it it, like, it it I think one of the core premise is to say, like, we're not talking about going becoming a Luddite here.

But but what we're saying is That's the second time you've used that term. What does that mean? It there was so there was a rebellion in the industrial revolution in England. And with I'm sorry. What? Yeah. Dan was they left for me. Me and Dan already know this story due to our deep rooted history, Vernon. There was I'm I don't. So you can keep going if you'd like. If not, fine. During the industrial revolution, like, there was a a group of farmers and other guys who were like, hey, man. This this change in life is gonna change the way that we live, with this new technology. And so they actively tried to thwart it. So, like, they were the guys showing up with, like, cows and farm equipment to try to, stop factories from running. They were Luddites. They didn't answer emails. They didn't. They refused. So they got tagged as anti technology, basically. Okay. I got it. Okay. So

wait. Because we kinda went off on social media, which is not what this is talking about. No. No. No. But what it but it sprung to me that that, like, I was what I thought was is that it's basically using technology in a healthy way. Like, it's a it's the that's the broad premise. Right? Yeah. And so there's individual interactions, like, do I respond to individuals who are trying to connect with me in some way or another? But it made me think that one of the cases that this is gonna make is that in their digital lives, this is an actual place where people are going. It's it's the bar of the Internet. Yeah. Yeah. Right? And so

it doesn't mean like, if if we may say, hey. The bar is not a great place. But if that's where people are going, there's a ministry concept where, like I mean, people do this. Right? They go out to bars to try to find and and meet people and provide something positive in a place where there isn't anything positive going on. And it it it made me think, should we think of social media differently than that? So do you think that the that that my perception of this is not necessarily that the platform itself is inherently ingrained to do this, but more of a cultural shift that says, look, like, on the whole, as a Western culture, we're just not open to a lot of kickback onto what we're doing and what we think at the moment. And it's just amplified on social media. I'm gonna I'm weighing in on this. Have it. Here we go. Let's have it. So here I didn't read the article, so I'm gonna Luddite. Caveat. Yeah. Yeah. So we could go that route.

What I think that article is trying to get to is we are getting bombarded with so many ways that people can communicate with us. Right? So it used to be like you would respond right away with a text. Or like, let's go back. Like, it used to be you used to be really quick to respond to emails. Right? And now, I mean, how many emails do you have that you have to delete? Because I'm I just don't get to them. Yeah. I think what that article is saying is text messages are starting to become that. I mean, I just wrote down what I have. I got Facebook Messenger, people could communicate with me on. I got email, which we've just talked about that. Marco Polo, anybody know who that is? Yeah. Well, that's like a video text message deal. Oh, man. You got Slack, which might communicate there. Snapchat. Snapchat. And then you got LinkedIn, and then you got texts. So to me, that article is saying we're getting smoked by all these different avenues. It's almost like Bitcoin out there. You got all these crypto things. It just gets so lost in the shuffle Yep. That sometimes, like like, I'll just tell you my process, not like you care, but I won't even open the text message until I'm ready to respond. Because I know if I open that text message and I don't respond, that thing is as good as gone and I just ghosted somebody.

Not out of, like, despite I wasn't doing that on purpose, but it's because it was I'm getting bombarded by all these different social media things trying to communicate with me. I lose the fact that, oh, I'm supposed to respond to Ben. He just texted me. Does that make sense? Yeah. I think that's really the premise of that article of like, hey, don't be a loser and not text people back because that's like the first line of communication. They have your cell phone. They know you. And so I think all those are valid points, by the way, on social media and not not going out and having a two person conversation in in the media. Like, I think that's valid. Thanks, buddy. But I think that that article is saying, don't be a tool. Yeah. Yeah. Respond to people. I've I've got something I'm waiting on right now. We we we had a couple spots open up for our Zimbabwe trip. And,

actually, I met him in Kansas City, and then they live in Atlantic. And we had a meeting last Sunday. This is, like, over a three month period. Anyway, like, over the past few weeks, I I've messaged Facebook messaged. I've emailed, I've texted. Like, I just need to know, are you interested or not? Exactly. All I need to know is are you interested? Yes. I don't need any money. Nope. I mean, we have a meeting. Yep. Do I plan for you? They still haven't responded. Even if it's a no. If it's a no, no problem. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No is fine. I I just need to know. Please, please respond. Do you think do you think we reach a capacity

as an individual? Like, how many people can we actually interact with? Right? I I mean, like, in a in a healthy way. Right? I don't I don't have a number in mind. I know I know that some people are more apt to be able to handle this than maybe others are. But, I mean, to have an actual relationship that is not top layer only, I mean, it's gotta be 30 people. I can't do any more than that. Like, I just cannot have that type of actual relationship

because there's just a ton of stuff going on. Right? Like, I mean, you're trying to raise kids and love a wife and and and work an an honest job. Take him on date nights on Monday. And go on and fail at date nights on Monday. Sometimes it is exhausting. I can have, like, six conversations going on with the different media types, and I'm just like, I just wanna turn everything off. Yeah. Just stop it. Yeah. That that's interesting, I suppose, when we think about

engagements and being able to interact with people on how many people it actually is. And this is the danger of looking at, even broadly, connections or social media as opportunity. Like, opportunity that you can't actually realize is not valuable. Like, I was just having this conversation to work with somebody this week. We had we're trying we're trying to bid something out and, like, some and the thought was, hey, man. There might be $3,000,000 worth of opportunity here. I'm like, if there's $3,000,000 hanging off a mountain that we're unable to climb, it's worth the same amount as me as the $0 I have standing here on the ground. Yep. Like and so the thought that had, oh, man. We have a wide sphere. I can connect with people all over the place. And Dan's got valid connections across the world. Like like, I have guys in Pakistan I'm I talked to. Right? Like, things of which you can connect with people across the world. But, like, the concept of there being a vast sea of opportunity is not the same thing as actual tangible realized value. Mhmm. Something that you can act that actually creates value and, like, it's it's the it's the count of, hey. I got 5,000 friends. I mean, that's fantastic, dude. Like, do you Good luck. Do you know any of these people? Yeah. And, like, if if they just wanna get the newsletter and this is the cheapest way to do it, fine. Facebook it up. I don't care. But, like, as long as we've quantified it correctly and realized or qualified it correctly and say the value that that is actually here, you you shouldn't look at this sea of opportunity on on any of those platforms and go, this is all at my fingertips.

That's not value. That's that's, pamphleting. Right? That's advertisement. That's not creating the same thing as valuable connections and, like, where we don't recognize the difference between that and valuable connections Mhmm. We start to measure the world poorly. And we and and and then we then we say, well, this thing is failing without realizing that it wasn't really creating value in someone's life. And back to the the the text messages and emails and stuff, I think that goes to the broad point. Right? Like, I I I intend to respond to everybody that that contacts me because that's value. This isn't just an opportunity of, oh, hey. Maybe I have an opportunity to have a conversation. This is a valuable conversation. That's why they have some personal connection to me in some way or another, email likely aside. But, like,

can I am I spending other times on doing things that aren't actually creating any value, they just seem like opportunity and not actually engaging in things that I know are valuable, including turning the phone off and going on a date with your wife on a Monday night? You know, actually, if you put that in correct perspective, it's like a guy that built a garage and then looks at it and goes, you know, I could build a flying car in here. Now wait a minute. You just had a garage. Right? Like, you have a you've built you've done something, but you've seen this, like, outrageous opportunity that in all reality just does flat out does doesn't exist. You could use it for barbecuing stuff or fixing your own car or having your neighbors come over and drink beer in it with you or whatever. There's plenty of options here. But you went with, oh, man. This is gonna blow up. It's gonna be the craziest thing ever. And, like, you and every up and coming rapper I've ever met have the exact same thought. Oh, man. It's gonna be crazy in here. Here's the next date of when the craziness happens. Hey, man. That's not what's gonna happen. You know what I'm saying? You've built this up in your own mind. That's not what's gonna happen. Well, and, like, there's a we've been there's a number of folks that I've been talking to about house plans. We've been trying to figure out whether we can build a house or whatever. And, like, like, when you when you look at a wide open landscape and you go, look at all this opportunity, I'm I'm we're gonna use we're gonna entertain. We're gonna have people over all the time. And, like, the totally legit question is to look honestly yourself in the mirror and go, do I entertain now? Exactly. Am I entertaining to the limits of my own joint? Preach it. Because if I'm not, I don't need a bigger joint

Yeah. To entertain people. And so, like, it's it's and it's the same thing with friends. Right? Like, I'm gonna hop on this thing, and I'm gonna gain 50 friends. Like, you have a you likely have a place of work, and maybe there's six people there, maybe there's 6,000. But I'm sure you can make a friend there. You you probably have a church community. You probably have a family of people you could interact with. And I like growing your world, but, like, don't blame it on the environment. Something else might be going on. Let's bulge at the seams first and then burst into the world. That's great. Mhmm. But don't don't have to if you build it, they will come. False. Build a build a flying car here, Ben. Don't dash my dreams. Alright. So if if you're listening out there,

answer my text message, I think, was the core deal. But we we have a valuable connection, connection to you and I. I I kinda like I kinda like not reading it until until you intend to respond. Yeah. Just help me not ghosting people. Yeah. If we're gonna use that verbiage. Yeah. I just Well, I I suppose that it also too actually gives the attention to somebody that's in front of you. Right? Like, it happens a lot. It's, I've become more guilty of it now that I got to my Apple Watch. Yeah. Right? Like, because it it vibrates and you look at it and you're like, oh, what's this guy want? Right? And I'm legitimately talking to one of my kids. They're telling me about their school day, and I'm looking at my watch like I got better stuff to do. And their story was dumb. And, like, that stuff wasn't my intention, but that's exactly what it looked like. And I'm almost certain that's exactly what it felt like. Yeah. I've handed out more apologies to my kids Yes. Because of that phone Yes. Right, than than I should ever have to. It I mean, I'm not I'm not so far to say, look, like, it goes in a drawer and you forget about it as soon as you get home. Like, our world is different than that. It just it's been getting there and, like, it's you know, you used to be able to just say, look, when the phone rang, if someone was home, they answered. If they weren't, they weren't. No big deal. We we just don't quite work like that anymore. Mhmm. But, I mean, to call back to a little bit of a simpler time, I mean, when people had my intention, they had it. And they had it until I decided to let it go, not until it was interrupted and taken from me, which I allow. Well, it it's even different. Right? Like, let's say you're sitting there talking to your kid in your living room and some guy comes and yells at the door. That guy interrupted both of you. Right? He entered into your shared space, and you both can react to that. The vibration, the haptic feedback on your wrist that you got that your kid didn't feel but you did, like, you're not even sharing the interruption at the moment. You're the only guy that got it. Right. And it could be nothing. You're like, look, hon. I understand that your play is coming up, but there could be a good deal coming up on this text message. Somebody liked my post. Right. Or it could be a complete waste of everybody's time. I don't know, but I gotta find out. And the perception when you look at your clock, it's like, are you are we done yet? Yeah. Are we done yet? No. Yeah. Yeah. And that's what my my wife's amazing. And I had an Apple Watch.

And I would keep looking at my phone or my watch. And she was like, you gotta get rid of that. Because the perception looks like you are disengaged Yep. And you've got better things to do. And And I was like, ugh, that's such good feedback. Yeah. Like, that's and it's hard not to when you know, like, well, I gotta it's not something you have to look at now. Yeah. It's just a reaction. It absolutely is a reaction. All this. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you do the same thing if you felt like a like a bee walking on your arm. You'd look at it immediately and go, what's this? What's going on? Yes. And so it's not like the human reaction is poor, but, like, at the end, if you put the whole package together, mean, I you you know what's going on here. This is not what you what you intended. Right? I mean, if this is not, like, the the metaphor for every Christian I know. Right? Like, they end up doing this and this and this, and they're like, this is not what I intended. How did I get here? Yeah. Well, you just look behind you and realize that it was paved with with with good intentions, but you you made a poor decision. You looked at your watch, and it's not a direct sin against the holy lord to look at the watch, but it did have these consequences,

and now you gotta suffer them. So, like, it does take an honest like, making an honest look at some of the stuff that you take for granted and go, what am I actually doing here? What am I actually allowing? You know? Without being, you know, Johnny crazy, get me swaggered on the deal. But Mhmm. Okay. Good. I think we rolled that up. And another thing. Hey. You're listening live from The Path. Again, thanks for hanging out with us. Hey. If you're listening to well, shoot. Is it alright to listen to the podcast, Mike? Yeah. I do it. Yeah. Okay. Just just tell people that you're gonna oh, hey. I'm gonna be social media. That's me just you telling you what the deal is. Yeah. Yeah. It's like an instructional video. I think, though, they need to respond when we say we have a complaint line. Yeah. Or they're not answering our texts. They wouldn't text them. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I don't do a blast marketing campaign. That's true. Never mind. Very poor, actually. Yes. Yeah. It's not good. I'd like to get some money together and get a new Dan. Yeah.

If only. It's like I've been on that same program for you. Alright. Thanks for hanging out. Well, those of listening to live from the path. Alright. Big big awesome news. Phil Phil Ramsey is in the studio. And, so here here's here's what I wanna talk about. So first, just a quick introduction to you and and maybe how you got into being a financial adviser with Uncommon Wealth Partners. Yeah. That's a great great question. So thanks for having me. I'm I'm super happy to be here. And so, yeah, how I got into Uncommon Wealth Partners, man, it was it was a journey. But what I found

was in my grandiose career path, I realized that financial advisers weren't really out there to help me.

And I was thinking about this is kind of a long story, but I was a pharmaceutical rep at the time and I was a pharmaceutical rep for Abbott Laboratories. And I went away for a three month really intensive training. And at the end of that, I went to a doctor, my first doctor, and I started showing up and throwing up, as they call it. And I was telling him all the stuff that I was learning from this three months of high intensity training. And at the end, he's like, that's what they're teaching over there. Where do I sign? And that was the conversation. And I remember thinking, wait a second. There's two perceptions here. There's one from Abbott that are trying to make me go sell more drugs for, I guess, everybody, but really their bottom line, let's be honest. And then there's another perception of the doctor. Right? The doctor has a different perception, and I think that's valid. So the next doctor I went to go talk to, I was like, hey, this is what Abbott just taught me. What's your side? And we had a twenty minute conversation. And so flash forward three years down the road, Abbott Laboratories had huge layoffs. And I thought to myself, what other industry out there is kind of like Abbott Laboratories? A big company is telling, like,

sales reps to go talk to people, and really all it is is helping the big company make more more money. And and I thought, financial services. I've never talked to somebody that actually wants to help me. Right. They wanna either kill me off, sell me more life insurance, or talk to my five family and friends and bring my LinkedIn profile. Like, we're not doing that. Right. So I thought, like, I'm gonna figure this out. I'm gonna figure out how to be different in this space and really try to help people by listening to what their goals are and really try to work through because this financial whole deal, like you talked about at the beginning, is daunting for a lot of people. And I don't know if we've ever had curriculum out there as parents to teach our children finances, but my parents did it in ways that they weren't just sitting me down and like, hey, this is how this works. So

that's how I got in the industry. So the Uncommon Wealth Partners is just that. I feel like we have to really do a better job of redefining retirement because I just don't feel like it's sustainable how it is. And if you looked at it, this whole retirement thing is a 100 year old experiment. Like, it's not really something that we've our 50 year old experiment. Right. And pensions are going away now. And so people really have to be savvy on where are they going. And and so that's how I got into it. Let's stop there. It'll never work. I'm I'm interested, like, if because you said that that, like, by listening to people's goals and and what they want to accomplish is is is how you kind of walk them through and help them, you know, achieve those, I'm guessing. Right? Yep. So

if you were to ask me right now what my goals are, I would have nothing to say. Like, I you know what I'm saying? Like, it doesn't come to the top of my mind. What's my goal for my financial whatever? Or let's even take financial out of it. Right? Like, I I I think most people have this perception in their mind where, like, look, man, as long as I'm not hugely in debt or injured, I don't know. As long as I can pay my bills, I just wanna be harassed. Yeah. Right? Yeah. Yeah. So I think that's a really good point, Mike. And a lot of people don't even know where to start with this. Like, how to dissect this thing? And so what I would say if we were meeting one on one, Mike, is like Are we gonna have a two person conversation in front of doing this right now? Are we doing this? Okay. I'm gonna give you a freebie because that that fits along with my question. People say, look. I I I I just know that something doesn't feel right, or I feel like I should probably take some level of responsibility here. I wouldn't even know where to start on getting some things under control from a financial perspective. So this is how we do it, and I'm telling you this is backwards. Okay? So I would say, like, what do you love to do? Like, what gets you up in the morning? And if you could do this for the rest of your life, you woke up and did x, what would it be? And you would say something, Mike, probably something amazing, probably like building flying spaceships in In the garage. Garages. I'm half started. And so so

to me, there's passions and there's unique gifts that we all are uniquely gifted. And I think that's God's given each one of us. Right? And so our job is to be a good steward of the time, talents and resources that God has given to us. And so is that time, talents and resources going to work at Wells Fargo and being a customer service rep? Maybe, maybe not. Does that make sense? But really, how has God uniquely gifted you personally? That's where I like to start no matter what. And to do that is just get to know you. And Mike, I would say, and everyone in here knows about them. Does that make sense? They know what they like, they know what they don't like. And So so keep going. So I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt, but I'm I'm trying to think, so if you actually were to ask me that question, I would fall back to what I've always known and or maybe always been taught is, I just don't have the luxury to think like that, Philip. You don't say it like that. And I think that's what keeps you where you're at. Right? That's yeah. Maybe that's what you're getting at. You're the common dummy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yep.

And so if somebody's like, listen. I absolutely love singing. I just can't get enough of it, my question would be like, well, what are you doing now? Right? Well, it's not singing. Okay. Well, then we've got a gap here. We love to sing. You're not getting paid to sing now, and you work at Wells Fargo. Is there even an avenue that you can even see that you can sing? Well,

maybe, maybe not. Like, maybe you need to coach other people singing. I don't know what it is. Does that make sense? Everyone's different. And so that's just how this whole uncommon wealth, I guess, would start, is really trying to figure out who they are because it's really not about rate of return. When you start talking about rate of return, it disconnects people from their money. And then they're throwing it at some retirement account where they, I hope that goes up and I hope I have enough money by the time I need it to then do something I want to do. Which, like your point earlier, have you been really doing a good job serving other people and building a house and hosting well? Does that make sense? Yep. And a lot of people want to go through this whole financial path and say, as soon as I have this amount of nest egg, that's when I want to live my life according to my will. Does that make sense? Or according to the way God's gifted me. I think my point to hold all this is

we're kind of made to work. We really are. And if we're doing what God's uniquely gifted to us, it's attractive to other people. And we can start talking to more people and we're all differently wired, and so we can reach more people. So I just don't think retirement should be go sit on a beach and go sip pina coladas or just go on the golf course. I think you can go on the golf course and be a witness too. So can you coach other people golfing? Can you caddy other people? Can you serve other people by this whole golf thing that you love? And the people that just want a high rate of return, we're not a good fit for. Because we want you to actually invest in people. And so we've really broken this whole thing down into phases

that people can start dissecting their own life in, because this whole, I'd say, philosophy is attractive. But it can also be scary and it can be abused by

puffing somebody up and then letting them fall. Yeah. It's so that's that's that singing example is a good one. Right? Everyone's seen the American Idol where the guy gets up there and he's he's terrible and this isn't actually his path. Right? But he says, I really love it. And so, like, there there is there is there is a level of honesty that says, look. Here's what I love. Absolutely. And then there's a level of honesty that says, look. No one's gonna pay you for that. Yep. It doesn't mean you can't love it. Totally. And may may maybe what we're creating is time for you to love it on your own in the basement. But, like, either way Yes. It's it's still a focal point. It's still it's still okay for us to start the conversation there because, like, that problem doesn't get solved or even addressed if the first thing I do is, great. Hello, faceless person. I just wanna manage your money. Like, if if if it doesn't matter if I'm reading you right, what what you're saying is if if it doesn't matter who's in the room, just what they have, you've started from the wrong perspective. Absolutely. Okay. Like, what's in your wallet is what I always say. Like, every time I sat down with a financial adviser, they always wanna know what's in my wallet because they wanted to know how much they can get of that and try to put it to work. Yeah. And what I like to say is, no, no, I don't I don't even care what's in your wallet. I want you to know what gets you excited in life. And once we figure that out, we can say like, listen, you are a worship pastor, you probably shouldn't be opening up a miniature golf course. Probably not wise, like you don't have any experience of that and this, that and the other. And so I'll I'll give you an example. So we had this psychiatrist that came to us and had this emotional shame, financial shame about where he was at. Yeah. Him and his wife were in a a truckload of debt,

for student loans. Mhmm. And he wanted to get a doctorate. He had all these goals, but at the end of the day, he's like, I gotta wait ten years to get my student loans paid off. And then at that point, then we can start maybe thinking about a side business of the psychiatrists and try to open up the business. He's like, The only thing we've done wise and correctly is we have this Roth IRA for $11,000 that And we I'm just clinging to that, like that's the one thing we did right.

And my business partner looked at him and he said, Listen, we'll work with you, but you've to cash out your Roth. And he was like, I'm sorry, what? Like, that's the one thing I did. I did right, you know? And so he ended up doing it. I'd say he went down this uncommon path. And in that, we started his own psychiatrist business out of that $11,000. And this was six months ago, but it was generating $1,000 a month. And he loves what he's doing. Yeah. Now, tell me when he wants to retire. He'd be like, I don't want to retire. I want to go keep impacting people

the way God's uniquely gifted me. And that was $11,000. Like, now even if, this is my point, let's say it went to zero. This was his experience, this is what his training was, and he had the funding, it went to zero. My point to him is like, what did you learn in that process? And was it worth $11,000? Because we were very honest with him at first. Like, this could go south, pal.

And are you willing? And his wife was right there. It's like, we've got to do this. And she was a huge support. Anyway, you guys can talk. But You have a cool job. We I have the best job. I'm like, hey. Your thing's broken. Gonna be big money? You're gonna really be sorry. Yeah. Yeah. What's in your wallet?

The honest truth, though, is, like, I could have taken that Roth and invested it, and they could have lost all of it. And what'd you learn? Not to put your money with Philip. Right. You know? Like, not wise. Not wise. It is interesting to to think about what you're saying is is, I mean, everyone's pretty much brought up the same way, you know, that that basically, look, you go to school. And when you eventually get done with school, either you get done after high school or get done after college, then you work. And then by the time you're 60, 62, 65, whatever, you bail. And then you go and then you relax. Yeah. Right? And, like, it's it's it's beat into you, into your head. And, like,

what you're saying is so foreign to that that it sounds ridiculous. Right. How do you create a life that you don't wanna bail on? Right. Yes. Right. To the point where we're talking about a retirement scheme that, like I mean, let's be honest. How long has this thought been that you go to school, work till you're 65, and then retire? How how old is that? A hundred years? Two two hundred years? I don't know. Not more than a 100. I'll tell you. It's not more than a 100. So we're talking about like, there's there's been a ton of people that lived before us. Right? And, like, retirement wasn't even a word. They didn't even have it. They're like, yeah. I bake bread. And then you bake bread until you 95 and keel over. That's it. And that's even localized. Right? Like, think of, like, culturally, they're no one's in Zimbabwe going, yeah. I can't wait till I turn that clock at sixty five. Right. We're gonna flip this thing over. It's easy street. Yeah. Like, it's it's it's a it's a very when when your when your cultural center is so unique in that, like, we're basically plotting for the for a way out. I we're we're basically we looked at this equation and go, yeah. You know what? I'm gonna plot to to not waste really, but, like, not get the most out of the next thirty, forty five years. And then my life's gonna kick over right when I got back pain. Right. And and I'm living on on on not very much because I stopped working. Statistics show seven years after you retire, you die. Oh, That's rough. And I think it's because you disengage. You're not really pushing yourself to be better

than what you are. You're just kind of complacent. Complacency is always bad. You know, Vince Lombardi, either going up or down. You're not staying stagnant. Yep. And that's the hope and dream is that I'm gonna go sit on a golf course and rot. And, like, hopefully, make it. Like, that's not even a guarantee either. So my thing is like, hey, let's start enjoying your life with the finances you currently have, and let's maybe reorient them a little bit. That's not a bad thing. But you've got to be thinking about this in a in a different way because I'm not even sure you're gonna make it how you are living now. Does that make Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, I mean, then we can go into the more traditional advising of how much rate of return you need to get to actually live off of, and the interest rate that that needs to accumulate. Like, it gets really messy quick and people are like, I don't understand that. But I know what I wanna do tomorrow. Like, if I could do and I didn't money were no object, this is what I would do. Right. If you and if you think about it from that premise, think how how unattractive, the cheap alternative of entertainment would be. Right? Like, I mean, you spend you know, most folks will will go home and spend the last two hours of the day just chilling out watching TV. You know why? Because they can't afford to do the other crap that they wanna do. Right? They're like, but I can't afford TV.

So I'll watch other people do cool things. Right? Like, think how how where so so if you spend your life doing this, right, like, you build a culture within yourself and within your family, and and and as you progress and as you get older and as retirement comes, I've watched I've watched five guys in the last two years retire from where I work at and die within a year because they just didn't have anything to do. Their whole life was this x thing that they went to every day. And, unfortunately, it wasn't something that was ever rooted in their benefit. Right? Like, they got paid to be there, and then you start to it you start to love it, and then you start to have to have it. And then all of a sudden, you don't know who you are without it. Right? So, like, the job that I have or the job that most people have, they're like, if when they say hi, what do you do? First thing they ask is, what do you what do you chain to? What job do you have to go to? Otherwise, you'll you'll default on everything you own. Oh, yeah. Seven Eleven. That's me. Right? Like, that's how people answer the question. What what what do I need to know about you? Well, where I work. That's what that's what everybody's gonna wanna know. Right? And and and from what he's saying, boy, that's a wild flip thing. I'm hoping it'll stick with me because I feel like I agree with a 100% of what you're saying, and then tomorrow, I will be sucked right back in to the things that I've always been told. It's so easy to do. Yeah. And here's the at the end the day, we all wanna be financially freedom. Like, we want financial freedom. Yet when you put it in these accounts that you can only access them when you're 59.5, it puts a time lock on it. So my point to everybody is what is your monthly expense that needs to come in that you feel like you can still live your life according to the way you want to? Right? Like, Mike, you would know that number right now. And that's what's coming in every month. Now that's our number to start with. That's our number that we are going to go after as fast and as furious as we can, and I want to do it as

most uniquely gifted as you can do so you can now bless the world because of it. And I want you to get paid for it. Now, are you going to quit your job right away? No. I'd probably say that would be unwise, And your wife wouldn't be on board either. So let's not do that. I don't even take her out on a Monday night now. Well, if I quit my job That's right. We'd really be in the straight street. Damn it. So that's that's where we start with people is like, hey, what's your monthly expense that needs to come in? That's the number. That's your financial freedom number. Let's get that however we have to get there. My point to a lot of people would be like, let's do it the way you like it because at the end of the rainbow, you want to kind of love what you do. And if you do it right, you're gonna go back and redefine it, re like, you're gonna get more efficient at it. Yeah. So, anyway. So let me ask you this. Is this this may hit the ears of some people as lofty. Right? Like like, really, I get to say what I wanna do and there and there is there's definitely a path for it. Like,

I'm gonna I'm gonna ask the question, and it's gonna I'm I'm asking it intentionally crassly, but, like, you can fix it. Right? Yep. Is this a middle income or above conversation? Oh, no. Okay. No. No. No. No. Yep. Not at all. So so Because here, the person that doesn't have as much income doesn't need that much to produce. That makes sense? Like, we have a surgeon who has a lot more coming in, but he has a lot more going out. Yeah. Then we have a person that just he has a mobile home, like, with his family, super excited about it. Yeah. He has a lot less coming in, but a lot less going out. And so for people who are like, I don't have a million dollars

to retire with. Well, you need a million dollars to retire with? Like, maybe, maybe not. Like, I don't know. And so to me, it's not. And that's what kind of levels the playing field with All Leads Yep. Is it's a percentage basis of what your income is currently. Right? It's a savings rate. It's all this kind of stuff, which again gets technical. So we gotta just pull it out and just say, what do you know and what are you good at? What's God uniquely gifted you at? Yes. It's because it's a relative thing. It's it's not saying it's using your money to support

the life that you actually want as opposed like, you're gonna lose you're gonna lose the compounding interest game on $10 versus 10,000,000. Like, it's just You are. It's that's that's not gonna happen. And I think people look at that equation and go, I'm losing. Yes. And I don't have a way to win because I can't bridge the gap to get all this free money that's coming out of this compounding interest and just letting it sit somewhere. Yep. But it's the wrong premise. The the the fact is is that we are all relative to what we make and what we owe. Exactly. Our and our dream the question of how we want our life to be then becomes related to that. It's not related to what I make. It's to what you make and what you currently owe and what you know, and it's it's a unique conversation, it's but not a balance sheet. That's just one thing we're talking about just before the show started. Like, if your first reaction is to take out the spreadsheet,

we're we're missing it. We're missing it. It's okay to run the spreadsheet once you know what you want because, I mean, there are numbers in here and there's and there are people it is helpful to have folks who who can see the broader landscape, things that that that maybe you're not seeing Mhmm. To try to help support that. But ultimately, if you don't know what you're doing it for, one, it won't it's not gonna stick anyway because no one has fealty to a spreadsheet. Mhmm. And I'd like to say we have fealty to to even the concept of what it looks like to serve God in our family, but, like, a good intention still make broke people, who say, look, I really I really wanna care for my family. Boy, we've been making the same decisions year over year. And we say we're not going to, and we still do. Like making them spreadsheets. Because,

ultimately, that's what I'm beholden to. I'm beholden to this list that said, look. Are we doing the thing, we're not doing the thing? And then we, as a group, have sympathy with each other because it's hard to do the thing, and then we're like, maybe we're not gonna do the thing. And you're supposed to do that till you're 59.5. Yeah. I'm usually 65. Like, are we really doing that? I mean, that's daunting. Yeah. I'm not doing that. Yeah. And so I'm not saying those spreadsheets are wrong. Oh, sure. Sure. Doing a budget and my uncle Dave Ramsey, which isn't really my uncle Right. But I like to say that. I think he does a really good job of helping people understand their budget and help them get out of debt.

That's what I'd say he does a good job at. Yeah. Building wealth, run for the Hills. And I will say that would say to your face, Dave. I'd say it to your face, Dave. Exactly. And I I just think that I'm not gonna put this as a stamp of approval, but I don't know if he's doing the church any justice either. Like, start putting it in retirement accounts that get 12% rate of return year over year growth. Like, ugh. I think that you can invest in the kingdom. Like, there might be some why out there and we have some clients like, my biggest thing is I want to give 40 percent of my income every

month to my church. Like, that's a why, friends. That makes you get out your spreadsheet like, hey, let's knuckle down here. Like, this is really important to us. Yeah. And so once you understand what you get excited about, then I think it's okay to go back and understand your monthly expenses because we all can, let's be honest, cut some stuff Yeah. Out of our monthly expenses, Netflix. I'd like to have a a list of some of those people so that I can plan my retirement. Yeah. Yeah. We have some openings here at Bethlehem. For worshippers and or attendees. I think that comes this brings

up an interesting point because I would say 95% of the people I would advise them not to retire. The only people I would advise to retire are pastors. Because you pour out your heart and soul every day of your life. There's got to be some kind of rest That's the passion, though. You know, that's what you do. Like, I've I've here's just always been my plan since I was 20. You know? I'll I'll do whatever church I you know, whatever that looks like. Well, I guess it's a little It looks like this. Yeah. Looks a lot like Yeah.

But but there'll come a time I I'm realistic enough to know that people will go, don't wanna hear you anymore. You're the old guy on TV that no one watches. You know? I'll get there. You know? And then I'm like, well, crap. But I'm not gonna retire. They're like, no. You really will. You you know? So I always figured then my next step will be some little rural church that's desperate. And So sad. I mean, you know, Benjamin's like, well, I'll be I'll I'll still get to do what I like to do. I mean, you know Dad's plan is to wait for a coup, get ousted. Hopefully, I'll be wise enough to to to realize it before other people do. But that I always assumed that'd be my thing. Like, you know, I'll I'll just probably go to a rural church that needs it because they can't afford

some young guy with a family. And and so I'm helping them. They're helping me. And and I also don't have the week long responsibilities that are in a setting like this. Right. And then I'm gonna build a wedding venue. Let's go. Now we're talking. Yahtzee. My mom tells me not to do it this way. Say it this my mom. My wife. Did I say my mom? Yeah. Yeah. It's been a while there. Holy

cow. The dementia is setting in. I'm also gonna start a pet puppy mill, but not a mill. It'll it'll be half a month because I can play with puppies. Yes. And they make big bucks. Yes. And so do wedding venues. Yeah. They do. So I've got I've I've I've got a plan. That's great, Dave. Yeah. So you have exactly what Philip's asking for. You just don't have a way or means to do idea how to make that happen. Think My dog is spayed. Your current plan is to wait for a coup.

Think that's be desperate. It's so sad to me to hear that, like, much you've poured into your congregation to think that they can't put together some kind of pension to make sure that you can always stay on staff and your wisdom can always be there. Yeah. You might not be in the front of the house preaching. In my mind, I'd like to see that happen, but I don't know. I'm also realistic enough. I've seen it happen. Does it feel like to ask for that as a pastor and be like, look. We gotta do something about my pension, fellas. I I don't think so. But Yeah. Again, I'm We're we're an independent church. Like, there's no there is no Constitution.

Yeah. So, yeah, I've never had a a pension from from a church. Totally. And not a lot of people do. Yeah. I think the wisdom that you've poured into this church well, that's actually true. I was gonna say, my my, my grandpa followed very much that that path. He he pastored, two or three different churches, and then what you would call his retirement, he took on a church that was a country church. Maybe there's, like, thirty, thirty five people there. And then but he's SBC, so, like, he's got a he had an annuity. He's coming in. Yeah. An annuity that he could take. Sure. And so if you really think about your plan, like, it would probably have to buy some land. I don't know if you have land in your family. Okay. So then then you're starting to think about tangible things that are meaningful to you. Does that make sense? And then we gotta really do due diligence of, like, is a wedding venue in Des Moines, Iowa or Rural Iowa something that could be something important. I'm telling you, it probably can from the wedding venues I know. My daughter just got married. Packed out, Dan. Packed out. We did a Thursday night wedding. Yes. And all the other people are packed. That's probably why you did a Thursday night. Yeah. And to save money. So then I think it then it gets exciting for Dan to think about, okay, what are the things I have to think through? I'm not saying you to do this right now, but what are the things that you have to think through? And having somebody there to be like, this is a great plan

until we hit a roadblock and make sure that you still have some income on the side to make sure this plan goes. But now you have a retirement plan. Does that make sense? Yeah. That really is exciting to you, that's personal to you, that I think that you can really pour into other people with with your puppies. So so just just listen to today and talk about it, though. This this seemed like a good shape of a plan, like a good start and something that's realistic. It's not my plan. Like, I've had a client come to me. He's like, I wanna invest in heifers. And I'm like, like Moo? He's like, like moo. And I'm like Like ladies. Like the big ladies. I wanna buy like the big ladies and big dudes. I cannot lie.

Yeah. And I was like I was like, you know, that that seems to be a little far fetched, the whole heifer deal. And Oh, no. It wasn't red heifers, was it? I don't know. I don't know anything about it. The second temple. Bringing the temple back. Okay. So he he came to it. I wanna invest in heifers. And and we were like, nah. There's no way we're letting you invest in heifers. And I'm like, where are you gonna store the heifers? And he had an answer. What are you gonna how are you gonna feed the heifers? And he had an answer. And at the end of it, after, like, 15, really, like I was like, okay. How much are heifers? He was like, $6. And I'm like, let's get you a heifer. Let's get a heifer.

That's a good idea. Anyway Should probably get two. Long story short, that stinking heifer, they they've, like, done it's just really disgusting. But they do things to it, and then they sell things, eggs and stuff. It's been worth $40 right now. Oh, man. Wow. I'm telling you right now, I could invest in all the heifers in the world. I can't get that thing to go $40. But he knew what he was talking about. Right. He had the experience of doing it. And at the end of the day, it was kind of like, well, I get the risk reward. You get it too. Let's try it. Yeah. And he kills it. Like, and that's not always what happens. Yeah. But every time at the end of this uncommon path, they know more about themselves than they ever have. And they know that, like, this is what I I gleaned something from that investment that I did. And right now in financial services, there's not a lot of that. Right. So that's how I started Uncommonwealth. Yeah. It was right on. I liked I I really like this approach. Yeah. I really like it. How do people get ahold of you? Yeah. So we have uncommonwealth.com

that you can reach out to us, and all of our contact information is on there. Our emails it's better to reach me in some other I'm just kidding. Just email is probably the best. I won't answer it. Email is the best. But, you know, at the end of the day, like, guys, this is a very attractive philosophy. And it's one that's a little bit different than Dave Ramsey. And I'd say, you know, back to the Dave Ramsey, without the the absence of vision, it's never bad to shred debt, to get rid of debt. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Yeah. But if you do have vision, this is where I would vastly

disapprove of what his message is. Sometimes it's wiser to go after the vision because if you do it right, that'll kick off enough cash flow to get you out of debt and you did it the right way, like our psychologist friend. Like he doesn't care what is in retirement account at all because he's actually doing what he loves to do. And I'm like, how much is in your student loan debt? He's like, I don't care. He's like, because it's getting paid for by something I really like to do. Yeah. And his plan with him and his wife before he met with us was a ten year plan, that he was gonna eat rice and beans, beans and rice. So that's how you can get ahold of me. And we're writing a book about this philosophy because what we found is like we can't take each individual through this process. Like we've got to be able to this thing

in such a way that we break it into very simple process. So the first phase is what's your budget? Like, first, are you bought into the process? Are you bought bought into the philosophy? If you are, you gotta know your numbers. And it stinks sometimes, but you just gotta know it. Phase two is like what's in your emergency fund, as Dave Ramsey would say, we call it a capital fund. Because you do need, on this uncommon path, you need cash to fall back on. Yeah. Because I'm telling you right now, it will not be perfect and will not be exactly how you envision it. So the third phase is one of my favorites. And if you don't have what you're invested, like excited about, get rid of debt.

It's a great idea. The third phase for me is what are you gonna invest in? What is that why in your life that you're excited about that God's uniquely gifted to you? That's the investing phase. Then the fourth phase is you're kicking it off enough money to cover your monthly expenses. Remember in phase one, what is the monthly expense you need? You get into time freedom phase, financial freedom phase. And this is my favorite part about this whole philosophy. Once you get into this financial freedom phase, you kinda wanna do it again. You wanna go back into the investment phase and say, can do it better. Mhmm. I can be more efficient.

I can hire somebody to do this in a way that this is the things I don't really like to do in this, you know, and you can be more efficient. And you can go through it and start doing a better job of running a business than what you've created or or or make that investment more efficient. And then once you do this so many times, you're like, I'm sick of it, then go mentor other people through this process because we need people to help people down this uncommon path because there's so many advisers out there that aren't aren't doing that. So that's it. I think that book would be awesome. Yeah. I agree. We're almost there. We're almost there. So by the end of this, like, middle of this year, we'd have that book done. That's that's great. Alright. So so here's the things that you're gonna do. You're gonna keep an eye out for this book.

You're gonna contact Philip. It just seems like now now it's I going back to the to to the level of income. Again, I I just think it's a hang up for folks to say, look, we we don't this guy sounds like a nice guy and we feel like he's trying to get the right things done. I feel like I'm gonna waste his If I show up Mhmm. And try to have this conversation, like, I know what my house looks like. I know my general point of behavior. I'm not sure what I wanna do. I don't wanna waste the man's time. Is there is there things that that, like, that you feel like they would need to know or think before they contact you? Or, you say, look. Let's just talk to them. Yeah. So we have a podcast. So I think that would be a good place for those people to to listen to. It's called The Uncommon Life Project, and in it, we highlight people who are doing uncommon things that are are going down this path. And then I would say the people who don't know what they want, we are not good advisers for. Yeah. Because I can't tell you what you want. I'll never come up to somebody like, need a Roth IRA. Like, no, you don't. Right. That's actually the last thing you need.

And and this whole the bank system is really good at getting you in just enough of debt that you can't think of anything other than just going to that job and just staying where you're at. And so sometimes you need some people to kind of work through some ideas with you, like Dan had, and that's what we're really good at. So if you know what you want, you just don't know how to get there, that's what that's our jam. That's our client. So so then how do you get paid? I mean, this is Yeah. I mean, could you just get a piece of that somehow? Yeah. So we we have a financial planning, like, fee that we charge and depending on how level of, you know, what you need from us. But really, it's accountability, you guys. Like, this is this is the eight hundred pound girl. It's the accountability that somebody's walking you through to make sure you're doing what you said you were gonna do. And you can't tell me there's not enough people that need that. Like, we all need that. Yep. And so it just depends on the level of engagement you want from us. If you want it monthly, it's going to be a different price point than if you want it annually or, you know, twice a year. So those varies right now are $3.65 if you want to meet with us twice a year. You want to meet with us four times a year, it's it's a thousand dollars. And if you want the whole, like, twelve month

all hands on deck, that's $2,500. Just almost almost as much a life coach. Oh, you guys. It totally is. Yeah. Yeah. It totally is. And I hate saying that because my wife would be, like, cringing. It really is like I'm married to a life coach. Yeah. Yeah. You know, when somebody can really talk about what you really want and then help you put a financial plan together to get you where you wanna go, it's powerful. Well, yeah, think of how much of your life that actually makes up. Oh, yes. The things that you dream about and the things that worry you, put put in the same bucket. I mean, that's 90% of your life. Yes. I mean, I have all kinds of, wild ideas that never happen because, yeah, I I just I don't know how to get there. Mhmm. But it's a great idea. Whatever it is. Yeah.

Yeah. Absolutely. I could be doing it right now. We get paid on the same traditional stuff that other people do, like finance you know, assets under management and all that stuff. We do that too. But it really doesn't like, none of our relationships come to us at first like, what's my rate of return last year? It was like, let me tell you what I've been working on over here. Yeah. Well, hey, here's your rate of return too. Like, oh, thanks. Like, that's amazing, you know? And so it's just complementing, but it's taking the emphasis off of these accounts that you really don't know what you're doing. And hopefully that we do and we and we do. Yeah. But what you really get excited about is why you're doing this thing over here and helping them with the path. So that's it. I'm so sorry to talk so much. That's alright. That's alright. That's why, again, that's why we run Internet radio. We got time. I feel like I would be I'm super interested, like, if somebody comes in with a a just a it's a terrible idea. You know what saying? Like, their ideas are stupid. That's right. Oh, no. We've had that. We've had that for sure. You know? I I I I've I've so or or the people that like, look. I need more accountability. I need you to call me and yell at me. I need you to really amp it up a little bit because your your current soft tone is making me go, So

Yeah. I need a cattle prod with the hammer. Yeah. You know, usually when they when people say, hey. I really need accountability. I look at their wife and they're almost weeping. Does that make sense? Like, they're in a bad place. Yeah. You know? And so it is a it's a it's a lot of stuff what we do is just, like, getting shoulder to shoulder with their clients and having them get, like, kind of a video game approach saying, hey. Here's what we're trying to get to. We're we're all in Unity. This works. Both the wife and the husband are, like, finally looking at something proactively together in unity and and getting them to get to that point. Does that make sense? And a lot of I mean, I'd say we do more marriage counseling than anything. Just walking people through, like, hey, let's talk about it. Right. Money being what it is. Like Yes. Yeah. Let's go. Let's Well, I was thinking when you were talking. I thought if if my wife were sitting across from you and, like, what's your dream? She'd be like,

yeah. I want Dan to stop screwing up. That's my dream. Calm Dan down a little bit. Yeah. I want him to preach till he's 99. Yeah. Yeah. He keeps talking about buying a puppy mobile. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We don't need a puppy mobile. Wait. What what's the charge to get him off that puppy thing? $3.65?

You're in. Yeah. I'm in. I'm in. Yeah. But honestly, mean, she's not really a dreamer. I can't even get her to get a hobby. You know? She she just she goes to work and does her thing, and and and I'm guess she probably just figures I dream for the both of us because I'm always coming up with wild ideas. And I don't know. That could be a fun conversation. What amazing lady. That makes sense? Like, that there are people that that is just what they want. That's totally fine. But I have a feeling if you were like, hey. Money, no object, and we're retired. What do you wanna do? She'd have something. She said, I want two days a week with the grandkids. Yeah. Yes.

And I bet you your grandkids are probably We don't have any yet. But Oh, okay. When it when it happens. Yeah. That's it's a There it is. Puppies, and it'll be great. I'll have the other puppies. I'll find grandkids, and then the kids will get distemper. Dan, this this puppy thing isn't related to how much you had to pay for your puppies, is it? Like, did you think, hey, man. Look. That's expensive. I can make big money on this. Our puppies were cheap. Oh. Our puppy. But I have family members who've no. No. Shannon's was kind of That's what I remember when you say it. One was, like, a little stiff. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Never mind. I just mine was $200. What if that stuck with you and you're like, I can make big money like this. You can get in a thousand and think, oh, I need is three or four of these. See, that's that's crazy because that fits Ben's life life philosophy, which is I can do this better than the worst guy that's currently getting paid to do it. Yeah. And so true. Yeah. So true. Somebody out there, like, I anybody absolutely anybody, I can do the thing that they're getting paid to do at least better than the worst guy who's making money at it. And I don't care what it percent accurate. 100% accurate. You know, I've said that to a few people, they're like, yeah. What about being a brain surgeon? I said, if it's the worst brain surgeon out there, he probably should go, look. I'm not set up for this. I probably shouldn't do it. Totally. I know enough to say that. I'm still better than him. Yeah.

I love it. Alright. Hey. You're listening to live from the Path. So Philip's gonna hang out with us with the rest of the show. Again, you can go to uncommonwealth.com. Is that right? That's correct. And then you can it's a way to find the connect action for for Philip and dig on that podcast. So I I've listened to the podcast. It's good. I in fact, I listened to there was a the guy from Thelma's. Oh, yeah. Derek Lewis. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You talk to the guy who makes the the Thelma's ice cream sandwiches or whatever. It's true. Those are great. Yeah. It was a it was a good show. It was super interesting to listen to a guy who again, you don't get to see things kinda behind the scenes and from the ground up. Like, what's it like when we think, hey. Do is it time to go bigger or is it time to, you know,

to to take a shot at a dream and and see it come to fruition and the challenges of, like, a normal dude. You meet this guy fifteen, twenty years ago, like, he's you. So true. Yeah. So, anyway, it it's it's a it's a cool show, so definitely, check that out. They have a they have a cooler. One of the places that I go to work, they have a cooler full of these Thelmas sandwiches and and ice cream sandwiches, and you could take one. Right? Yeah. And then every once in a while, the cooler will be completely empty. And, man, people just get the angriest. They walk in there like, I'm gonna have a, oh, man. Where's the Thelmas? And then they're just mad. They're throwing cups. I mean, people are just getting all spiteful in there because the Thelmas are gone. And the thing is is, like, they're really good sandwiches, but they're I mean, blue collar wise, they're a little bit of poor spending. Know You what I'm saying? Like, they're you're paying for good quality stuff. Right? But then some guy's giving away for free, and you thought, what my life? I've never lived like this. This is the best day I've ever had. Only to find out they're cleaning the fridge that day, and all the salmas are gone, and you are super angry.

I blame Derek. My dreams are dashed. You should okay. Hey. Speaking of that heifer story reminded me of something. So I was driving we've been looking for like I said, we're thinking about about building the house. This is not a great idea, but we're thinking about And so we we're out looking for land, and we were down in, like, Mike, kind of your neck of the woods. So, like, Indianola area, outside Indianola. Yeah. And, like, there were all these cows, and we had we got stopped because there's these heifers. Cows

wait. Is there a difference between a heifer and a cow? I don't know. Okay. I'm gonna say heifer is like a breed, isn't it? You are so clever. Okay. I'm gonna say heifer because it sounds cooler. Anyway, so we're stopped by these heifers. Right? And there must have been 50 of them crossing the road, just walking across the way. And, like, I'm sitting there, and it's like you like, you've been stopped at a train. It's that action. Like, you're sitting there. The car's running. You don't really wanna wanna put in park yet because you're not giving up that this thing's gonna end soon, but, like, there are a line of heifers here. So they're they're rolling across the way, and, I couldn't figure out what the heck was going on. And finally, this this farmer comes from behind. He's on, like, a tractor or whatever, and he's he's pulling across the road and he stops, like, right in front of the road in front of us. We can't go any further, and the cows kinda keep on moving, and he's just kinda sitting there. And so I I don't I don't really do this. Right? I don't have these types of conversations. But I parked the car, and I say, hey, man. What's going on out here? And he's like, the pope is in town. I'm like, what? The pope is in town. What do you what do you mean? I and then, of course, thinking my brain turns like, one, the pope is definitely not in town. And two, what does that have to do with these councils? Yeah. And so so this is what's funny. Right? Because we were in Mike's neck of the woods, this guy starts to talk to me, and he's like, yeah. We heard that the pope is at this place just outside of Pleasantville, and, we wanted to bring these cows to show appreciation because it's all we have. And I'm like, I don't I'm not connecting these two things as to why you would do this.

But I said, I'll be doggone it. So I followed him. I said, he you're going there, he's like, yeah. We're going there. I said, whatever, man. If the Pope's in town, I'm gonna go check this out. So I follow, and I'll be doggone it if if they don't go to Mike's house. And somehow, this guy has caught wind and had a rumor that Mike is the Pope. And I said to myself, that's just weird. Like, I heard people mistaken Buva for the Pope, but this mic business is just way out of hand. Ridiculous. And so I walked in. I talked to I said, Mike, you got you're in a real pitch here, man. There's there's there's gotta be, you know, 15 herd cattle outside and people coming from all around because they think you're the pope. What you're gonna do? And Mike Reitley goes, hey. I I think I gotta give him some pope style advice. That's how the pope gets him to go away. He walks out on the little balcony, and he goes blah blah blah blah blah on that. And then they got And they burn a handkerchief and then everybody's opinion. And then he slaps them all in the hand, and then they leave. And so and so that's that's what happened, Mike. Now so you had to give them a pope style advice, but they they gotta feel it. Right? It's gotta be emotional, something that's attached to you. I can't wait for this, Mike. So what did you tell them?

So so thinking back on on a couple things that we hold in a reality, which is that we have an active holy spirit that when we have a hard time figuring out what to pray or how to pray or what to say, that the holy spirit, it takes takes over with groans and just sends it up. Right? Yeah. And then on the other end, it's met by

our savior who is the the mediary between us and God. Right? And, like, they are constantly communicating and and and and pleading to God on our behalf and sending our prayers to him and and and presenting them in a way that I just don't have the ability to do. I don't have the ability to even walk in the throne room humbly enough to to even get in the conversation. Right? So the holy the we've been given the holy spirit to intercede on our behalf. And as he talks to Jesus and Jesus talks to the father, and, like, there's this just amazing

communication thing. And, like, I was thinking about it the other day that that I don't start near enough of my prayers saying, what are you guys talking about? Right? What what do what do you guys been talking about? I know what I wanna talk about. I've got I've this list of stuff, this big old pile of junk that I'd like to bring to your attention, obviously, that I was concerning to me.

And it's I feel like sometimes I I really miss this this gift of relationship I have. Right? Like, I have a a a communication and a connection and a and a relationship with, I mean, the all knowing, holy, set apart, righteous, king of the world, creator, just I mean, take every synonym you can think of, right, and put it all in this bucket. And I show up and go, hey, man. Dig on this thing I'm doing. What do you think? Are you gonna help or not?

That's my general approach. And, like, I know that's my general approach. And even when I know that I'd like to I'd like to know more about what they're talking about, I get about ten seconds in and I go, yeah. I don't know if you guys are talking to me or not, but here's the things. You know, I wanna know what you have to say, but I really have this bucket of stuff that I wanna talk about that I feel like I wanna run past you. And and, like, none of that is a bad approach. Right? Like, if I have a problem, then no. I'm not gonna do it. Are you gonna say you all solve it? I thought about it. Okay. If I have a if I have a concern, if I have something that's that's weighing on me, I don't know what what decision to make, these are all things within Yahweh's purview. Right? Like, it's his world. I am a loved son of the king. These there's no reason not to bring it to him. Right? But, like, it's it's it just seems so ridiculous to me that, like, most of the prayer time that that we see, even even when we pray together, it's a group. You know, it's like, dear father god, here's our list of wants. Here's our our list of of things we're concerned with. Here's the list of stuff that we think is going on. We could really use your intercession. And it's all true. Right? But, like, the way that the world has been designed, the way it works, and all the spiritual aspects of of how God moves and talks and speaks and and and and likes to be in his world and has agreed to be in partnership with us in the world that he's created,

and I just got no time to listen to anything he has to say. He has time to listen to me, but I don't have any time to to, like, bow my head and go, what you guys been talking about? What's been going on? And just hanging out and and waiting to see if he answers. And just and and I don't know. And I think that's maybe my pope style advice is, like, as much as we've been taught that prayer is our language that we use to talk to God, sometimes I think that it's it's it really is an open communication thing. There will be times when I will be talking to my wife, I will just sit and stare at her at because we are talking to each other. We are looking each other in the eye. We are in the same room, and and and that is how our relationship operates. And sometimes there'll be long pauses before one of us speak or whatever, and, like, I just feel like we're not we don't give God the chance to speak

or to to or or to even deliver the peace that we're asking for. God, I'd like peace over this thing. I want peace over this thing. I'm having a hard hard time coming up with this situation. I gotta go to work. I love you. Goodbye. Right. You're he's a short order cook, you didn't wait for the meal. That's right. I put the order in, and I didn't wait to see if it came out right. I just said, I've given it to God. He'll handle it. I you know, it's not an altogether horrible thought. Right? I mean, if there's someone that's gonna handle it, it would be him. That would make perfect sense to me. But once again, God craves way more than that from us. Right? Like, he craves the relationship. That's what he wants anyway. Right? He could've he could've spun a world into motion, put Adam and Eve in it, and never came and strolled the garden with him. Right? Never to just walk the cool of the day and say, how's it going down here? You know? And but he did. But he did. And he he chooses to get almost all of his work done, not through his mighty right arm that could certainly do it, but through his people. He uses his people to do those things, which means almost everything he does is relational. And so I I don't wanna use the cliche word convicted, but it has been rolling in my mind for probably the last two days now that, like, I just

I I'm not even giving them a chance to speak. I'm not even trying. And, like, it and most some a lot of it has to do with our ability to quiet our minds and just be. And so, like, that's a two pronged attack. It's not if you can't do this right now, I don't think it's because you you you're not a follower of Christ. Right? I think you're not even programmed to sit for five minutes in the peace. You just can't even do it. You you probably have to work yourself up to it. But realize it's a good investment. It's to be able to sit and just be with God and let that let that peace come over that you're asking for or let that decision, you know, let give God a chance to to speak his way into it and and stop looking at billboards or the clock on your radio or a thing a guy said and go, oh, I think that's the Lord speaking to me. Right? Like, I mean, not to say that he wouldn't do that, but, like, would you even know? Would you know what his voice sounded like? You just barked an order at him and then shut the door and walked out. So the pope style advice is as as much as prayer is our way of communicating with God,

it is just as much his way of communicating with us. And if you're I I feel like you're as guilty of this as I am of not doing this. Well, that's harsh to me. That cuts me deep, Mike. Yeah. I find it I so I find this interesting, especially well, this could sound bad coming from you. Yeah. Right. I'm I'm not generally I'm I'm really not a charismatic dude in that aspect. Well, yeah. And you're super you tend to be wary of things that don't feel tangible. Right. Right? So like sitting and waiting and listening and and being open to hearing from God, recognizing that it's not likely to be booming voice. Like, that seems like a space that traditionally you might not feel com you're like, what am I supposed to do with that? Oh, no. I I definitely struggle there. There's no doubt. Yeah. That that it's

I said, coming for me, like, I I get the struggle. I tried to do it, on the drive in. I was just trying to tell. Like like, I was trying to focus on walking into the throne room of God and then and then talking to Jesus and watching him talk to Yahweh. And I thought, yeah. I can do this. And, like, boy, I I mean, I bet I got thirty seconds in and I'm gone. I can't I couldn't do it. I've tried to get up in the morning and do this in the quiet of the day, and I I can get a minute or two in, and then I'm just gone. I'm just gone. And then I end up so disappointed with myself that I can't pull it off, then I just avoid it, and then I don't do it at all. Yeah. And so and and, like, that that can't be. I can't abide that. Right? Like, that's foolish. There's no way I'm gonna give up that easily. There's a guy that didn't give up on me for nothing. Right? And I'm like, thirty seconds in, I can't do this. I'm out of here. Right? I'm gonna go back to the comfort of my bible, which I can't screw up. I sit down to read it. I do read it, and then I leave. I can't screw that up. But the the peace and the quiet and the relationship part, boy, I I mean, I really struggle. I think there's an intermingling there. Like, when we when we hear in scripture that god is or that Jesus goes to a to a a desolate place and prays. Right? I think the wrong thought is that he hits up to the top of the mountain, you know, climbs up there sweaty and whatever and then talks for five hours. Right. Right. Right? Like, I just it's just not it's not likely. And frankly, the average Jew in that time, like like, if they're if they're praying, a lot of times, they're repeating they're repeating scripture. Right? Like, they're they're reaching for words that God has heard from his people before and saying this, I identify with this, and and saying it back. And it could be just it it could be whispering. It could be just letting them fly roll through your head and let I mean, sometimes God will just like, someone will jump out and you're like, what? Okay. Alright. I can focus on that. And you're just and you can just sit and focus on it. And it's this is where people get weirded out like because this starts to feel like empty your mind meditation. But it's not. It's filling your mind. It's filling your mind with things with with either

talking to God, with God's words, or there is an emptying time that that says, look, I I I will not let anything else in. I'm just I'm I'm gonna sit here in the in the quiet and in the patience. And it becomes a badminton deal. Like, stuff flying in. You're like, hey. This is due today. I don't care. Hey. I'm supposed to be up in an hour and supposed to go to work. Not not today. Right? Like, I'm not I'm this I'm fighting for space even if it's the empty space itself is the thing that rises to the throne room of God and says, look. This was for you. That's okay too. Right. I'm dedicating this this space in my head, in my day, in my time, or whatever. Like, with with with all of the faculties, I'm going, look, I'm dedicating this time to you because I because I I want to. That's what I want to do. I want this to be your time and my time with you and and whatever. Maybe we won't accomplish anything except for that I gotta sit with you. And that's an accomplishment. Right? I mean, imagine that and and this would be silly example. Right? But, like, I mean, I used to just cherish those times when my when my daughters would fall asleep, you know, as on the couch. Right? And, like and and your TV show would be over and they'd be dead asleep and you're you end up watching something stupid for an hour because you just don't wanna get up yet. Yeah. Right? You'll just I'll just sit here and watch Patty Duke, and Patty Duke is stupid. But but I'm not gonna move and I the volume's already turned down. I'm just I just wanna live here. This is where I wanna be. Right? Like, there's no way your heavenly father doesn't think of you like that. And there's no way that you can't enjoy nuzzling up as a grown man to a Yahweh that loves you. Like, I and I'm just I wouldn't trade that time I had with my kids when they were younger for anything. And even and and they're not so old right now that I still couldn't pull it off, but, like, I I just

I I love that. Right? And God is a relational God, and we are relational people because we are a reflection of relational God. And so, like, I just feel like I'm not giving it a chance. I'm answering him like I would a text message or a a 10,000 emails. I'm like, whatever. I just wanna make sure this guy knows that I listened to him, so I'm gonna fire off this answer. Now it goes. It's like, yeah, dude. I saw your email. I'm on it. Out the door. Right? That's all the more thought that I give Yahweh on on a a majority basis. Yeah. You know, I I some of that comes and, again, you take this take this well because how am gonna say it might sound wrong. But, like, when we when we treat the cross as transactional

only, we tend to treat our relationship with god as transactional only. When we when we recognize the cross is a is a culmination and expression of a relationship that was walked out and lived out and created and born through, and there's a much deeper thought there, it it it brings you to the place to say, our relationship with God is not a transaction of thank yous, bless me, save me, I'll see you there. Right? It's not that. And I think I think it's right that it starts to create that burden that says, look, I don't know what it's like to live in a close relationship

with a with a creator odd that is that god that is so that is sovereign and bigger than I ever will be, but seems to have this deal where he loves me like a father. And so I don't quite get that from a human perspective. Like, whatever that feeling is, it's the same attempt that John is trying to pretend describe what he saw in Revelation using human language. It's not gonna cut it. Mhmm. And our feeling there, I think, is not gonna cut it either. But you just start to feel this need that says, yeah. I I want deeper than this, and I think God's doing that. And I think that's okay. And I think, frankly, looking for human thing, we always try to express it in relationship wise because it's as close we got. We we do the best we can here. And trying to be in, a a close relationship with your wife and spend time, you're like, how does this translate? This can work with God. And it's the closest thing we have, but you have to get used to it because he's not literally standing in front of you. I get it. But but I think you're right. I I think that's the that's the right burden, the creation, for for that type of relationship.

You know, I was actually thinking about this today. We have a twenty four seven prayer room coming up, and oftentimes, I'll spend a week or two. I'm gonna do three weeks on prayer. And I thought, well, I don't wanna just do the mechanics. Yep. You know? And so I was thinking, okay. It's the it's the deeper relationship thing. It's it's and, anyway, I I went to Daniel. I thought, Daniel, he's a guy who he saw things people other people didn't see, experienced things other people didn't see. And and was it just because he was this magical guy? No. It's because he had this incredible relationship with God. Mhmm. And and you so I was reading through the first several chapters and just trying to try to what can I pull out of there to communicate what you're saying right now? Yeah. You know, that I mean, he prayed and then, like,

days went by and then, like, an angel would show up and say, hey. I got the answer to your prayer. You know? I don't think he was, like, sat there twenty four seven, you know, praying. Right. It it was it was a a thing of a or a a a there was this this attitude of prayer that this prayer thing was going on. It was constantly in his mind. And and and at some point, god this angel breaks through and says, oh, here's the answer. You know, I thought, well, how much does that happen in us? But but we we put in the mechanics. Yeah. ABC,

I'm out because now I gotta go do this. And a a couple weeks later, like, oh, yeah. Yeah. Gotta do that. ABC again. Just do that thing? And and by the way, haven't got the answer. What's going on, God? He's like, well, that's the last thing you thought about was two weeks ago Yeah. As opposed to being in that that mood or whatever. And and it's a it's a growth process. I I I think it's a spiritual jump to go from the mechanics and and saying a few magic words to to, hey.

Let's let's let's hang out. Let's hang out, God. You know? And and, you know, here you go. I got questions. You know? And at one point, Daniel's just this big prayer of repentance for for for the people. And and,

you know, he's like, just pour it out. God, we're we're messing up. And and how can I how can I help this? You know? What can I do? And, anyway, I'm still Yeah. Filtering through that and see what but how that looks like in a three week series. Question. Like, what what Philip asked is, like, is, like, what what do you want to do? Right? And, like, I my brain just does not promise it. Right? But, like, as you promise it. Does it doesn't provide me that I couldn't answer. Like, practically, I can't answer that. I don't I don't actually know, you know? But then it occurs to me, like, as we're having that conversation that, like, I've never actually had a relational

enough conversation with God to say, what did you create me to do? What did you build me for? You know, I I I think I've I've had a guess of it over the last thirty eight years of what I thought it was, and and may maybe I've taken those to the max potential that I can steam on my own. But, boy, I you know, let's rewind the clock a little bit and go, actually, what did you create me for? Right? And, like, all I can do is see this big old smile coming out of Jesus' face and goes, I've been waiting for this question. Yeah. I'm ready. I'm ready to show you if you wanna know. Let's do it. Right? Yeah. Like, just like Philip's all jazzed up excited and trying to get you five hampers. Right? Like like, Jesus gets the same amount of excitement. He's like, I've been so wanting for you to ask me what I created you to do. And, like, I just got it's just so exciting, but you never stuck around for the answer. You never once stuck around for the answer. Hey, God. I'm going to build this business. Make it go well. Did you ask where you should be in that business? Right? Did you ask him whether you were created to do that, or are you just trying to take a shadow

of what God created you to be and push it to its absolute limits, which turns out is is about as far as you can get on your own accord, which is okay. You know, you might get some worldly success out of that and whatever. Okay. But, like, boy, did you miss the big thing or whatever God had designed for you that you were just specifically built for. And, like, I don't know if you've ever had a moment like that where, like, you knew God had you somewhere doing a thing with a person or whatever, and you're like, holy cow. Yes. This if my life can feel like this, I'll do whatever. I'll be poor and do this. Talk to Paul. Paul's taking beatings left and right. Man got no money. He's starving. He spends the last couple of years shackled to a guy before he gets beheaded. And he's like, hey. This is what god built me for. Right on. Right? Like, you wonder how people could live like that and why people would would would die all the disciples would die for a faith of of of the the story of one man. This is why. This is why. Because they knew what god had them doing and they were doing it. And, like, boy, that feeling you just can't you can't recreate on this earth without him. You just can't do it. So anyway, that's the pope style advice. Give give God time to talk. Give him time. Just just blank time. And it's gonna and and and you're gonna wanna be religious about it, and you're gonna be like, it's gotta be at 05:00 every morning. And if I miss one, I stink bad. Don't do that. Right? You're gonna lose at the fives. You're gonna lose it at the noons when you're supposed to do it at your lunch. You're gonna lose it at the twos every once in a while. And sometimes right before bed, you're gonna fall asleep. Okay? So don't put it in a religious bucket and act like it has to be this thing. You you need to give god time in a day. Find it. Right. To the I guess to that point. Right? Like, you ever been on the couch and one of your kids wants to come and snuggle up and you're like, no. That was two. 02:00. It's 02:45.

We snuggle at two. Go to bed. Not gonna work today, babe. See you tomorrow at two. Yeah. Yeah. Don't it's not transactional. Right? Like like, if god starts knocking at 08:30 and, the voice is coming on, maybe you're skipping the voice today. I don't know. But you didn't make it at five. You didn't make it at noon, and now you're getting sleepy. So if you're gonna have this conversation with your wife, you better do it right now. Same thing with God. Alright. Get off the lawn. Yeah. K. Alright. We got my Mike, hold on. Let me think. Let see me if I got anything else. Otherwise, you got some deer alive from the path? I got at least one. Okay. Hold on. Let's see here. No. No. No. We talked about that. We're good there. Mike's social media is a cesspool. No. Mike was fine. We're gonna skip that. Ghosted five people in the text. Yeah.

No. Yeah. I don't care about the rest of that. Alright, Mike. What do got? Here we go. Dear life from the path. Oh, no. I don't like when they start out like this. Oh, no. Yeah. It it seems it seems sad. I married someone who turned out to be very abusive and controlling of me and the kids. Yeah. I felt powerless to leave with them because of the emotional control, and I had no way to make a living to support them. They're all adults now, and three of them have been in unhealthy relationships. I know their example of a good marriage or a long term relationship was awful because how their father treated me. I live with the guilt and pain of that, but beyond that, seeing three of my four kids in similar abusive relationships is painful. When two of my girls reach out to me when things are not going well, I'm supportive and I try to be helpful. I guess my question is, given my example of an unhealthy marriage, will any advice I give them fall on deaf ears? Should I just listen? I don't feel like anything I say will help.

Oh. Yeah. That's that's tricky. Well, I maybe one of the questions that I would ask back is to say, how often did you not take your own advice? Right. Like, I mean, just realistically,

like, that's not a a sass. Like, the question is is, like, in a similar situation, you obviously thought these same things and you would and you didn't follow through with them. And so having shared that, just recognize what you wouldn't have listened to and maybe ask yourself, like, what would it have taken? What what would have it taken to for something to actually land or to change? Is it possible that someone in that position, your own mother, could have said something and it would have mattered? Or, like, maybe think about it that route. Not not because I have an answer for you, but, like, you have more experience of this than than they do. You went through it longer. You knew what how it was.

And that guilt comes from not having listened. And so maybe you're the best person to say, what do we take to have heard? Yeah. That was my first thought. This bigger than advice. I mean Yeah. Advice honestly isn't going to do anything as it didn't for This is they need there's some professional counseling that needs to happen in here for them to reprocess what they learned. Because they learned some self

harming relationship skills that they're not just gonna advice won't get them out of. They need to really get into some professional counseling to be healthy. I mean, I'm not saying they're broken. I'm saying that's how they'll be healthy. They they can teach them how to be healthy, and they they need help that way.

And never discredit your experience that you've gone through. Yeah. And never discredit what God can do through you. And so you're their mother. So, I mean, they always will wanna hear your input. You don't wanna nag them. It's their life and their choices too. And so the experience that you've gone through, who knows how God will use that or not use that. But that's not your job. Does that make sense? Your job is to learn through the experience that you had and then also give people wise counsel of like, hey, this is what honest feedback, like this is what I would wish I would have done, but this is probably why I didn't do it. And this is what tough was tough in this situation for me, and I totally agree with professional counseling. And that's a sticky situation.

But never discredit your one, you're their mother, and two, the experience that you've gone through that Yeah. Help in that journey. I I think there's a lot of power in being able to say, look, I've been where you've where you're at. And I if someone said the same thing to me, obviously, you know that I I didn't follow it, and it's a regret that I have. And, like, when you feel like you when you're on the other side type of thing or when your kids are in that, like, it's not like they don't know it. Right? People aren't people aren't dumb. People who are into positions like that always know it. They just don't feel like they have the agency or the power to to do something about it. And, like, that and I think, Philip, to your point, like, it may or may not work. Like, you can't well, actually, work's the wrong word. You were faithful in the means. Yeah. People will make their own decisions just like you did. You can you can hope that they will change. You can pray that something that that this will land. You can be faithful with the information you have in your experience. But, like, ultimately,

the hard part about engaging with someone is is is being okay or at least knowing that there's a limit that, like, you can't walk their path for them. Your words aren't gonna make their their way into their legs or into their mind or into their mouth and get them to say the thing that they should. Like and so am I okay saying, look, my limit is I can I can be faithful in what I have, the experience I have, and the words that I have? I pray they land on open ears. Ask that, like, you had the freedom to make your mistakes. They're gonna have it too. Let's just hope that they can use it differently. And then ultimately, right, if if counseling gives a good place that's why I like counseling. Even even if even if you're someone who goes, look, I don't even know if that works. It's kind of like an accountability thing. Like, you you put a stake in the ground and said, look, we're willing to change. Mhmm. And even if you're having the same conversation you had on the couch last week, but you're having on somebody else's couch, and they're not even saying anything, which is what you'll think. You'll think those guys are just sitting there. They're not even doing anything. I'm guessing that shows up kind of in your in your line of work too. Like, people will talk their own dream out, and you're then you're just supervising. They're like, well, what do I need you for? Well, you didn't get this far sitting on your own couch doing it. And so there there's there's a means to to put that into play and then, of course, valuable things follow. But

yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I I think that's I think that's the wise path is is just is try your best. And never I I don't think it's ever bad to just say, how can I support you in this? Like, what are you looking for from me here? And never I I think sometimes that's asking what the right answer is, but each person has their own right answer. And to clarify, hey. What are you looking for me? And that's something I could do with my wife sometimes of like, hey. Do you want me to fix this or do want me to listen right now? You know? Because I could totally fix it. But I think that's a point. Actually, that that's a really good point because, like, a lot of times, like, even even your gut reaction to that, to somebody's question,

yeah, could just be talking about something that they're not prepared to hear. And frankly Exactly. That might have landed way differently. So, like, what what are you what are you looking for here? And they're like, well, do you have any advice? And then they've actually opened a door for you of which it may actually go as opposed to you chucking advice at the door and it bouncing off. Totally. And all it took for you is to ask, like, what are you looking for? I think that's a good call. I I think somewhere that you communicate, you grew up in a home where this was normal, and you need to know I I handled that poorly as a mom. Yeah. And and it's this isn't normal, and and you can find a better way. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. K. Secular says, the question was

Should I give the advice. Right? Yeah. Yeah. Will my advice fall on deaf ears? Should I just listen, or is it better if I don't say anything? Tegler says, of course, you should listen, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't also weigh in on what is happening to them. It could be very helpful if you point out to them what that what they witnessed while growing up was not normal and explain what is acceptable behavior in an adult relationship. Dan's been cheating. Yeah. Nailed it. You nailed it. You might you know? Wow. You might also apologize for not being stronger earlier on and explaining that their father had eroded your self esteem to such an extent that you were paralyzed. If their experiences mirror your own, point that out too and offer them the number of the National Domestic Violence hotline. If you do, it might not only open up their eyes, but also give them the escape they need. There is a catharsis in that too. I think the even if they don't I I don't know that everyone would accept it. Right? Like, if you if you were on the opposite end or the other end of someone who didn't handle the things right and then you're you know, there's a sense of blame there to say, mom, you would handle this differently, I wouldn't be in this position.

But, again, you you can do what you can do here. And being able to say, look, I I I owe you apology, and I wanna I wish I had been stronger. I think, like, there's a vulnerability to that, and then it they may not receive it all that well, but, like, I it's still right. It's still the thing that you would want to be able to say. Like, we you can this is what I love about Christianity. We're dealing true things. The true thing is I am sorry, and I wish I had done this differently. And we're not perfect. Yeah. And and, like, that's just that's just how it is. And and we and we and we might as well just embrace whatever that is. And, like, you gotta hope that you're dealing with people who can take that in too. But, like, ultimately, the higher calling is just to be honest with whatever happened and wherever you're at now and and just deal with that reality. Yeah. And and I think one of the hardest things with helping people in this way, especially when they're in the straits, is, like, you're gonna wanna give some advice, and then they're not gonna follow it. Mhmm. And then you have to you have to not take that personally, and then and then let it let it crack the relationship that you have with them. Right? Like, it's irritating. Right? People are like, hey. I need some advice. I what should I do? And you tell them, and then they do the complete opposite thing, and their life is in, like, shambles and ruins and ashes. And you're like, what the flying heck? We just talked about this. Right? Like, you completely did the opposite thing. No wonder you're in the straights. Right? I was hoping you would just validate what I was going to do anyway, you didn't. So Yeah. So so the problem is is, generally,

you've brought in your own irritation that they didn't listen to your advice. Right? Like, you do care for them and you do think that your advice would have helped them, but they didn't take it. And now you're letting it both crack the fact that they they aren't in a better situation and it's cracking your your relationship with them because they didn't listen to you and you don't like it. Nobody likes to give advice and have it ignored. It's irritating. Boy, that's that's hard. Like, it's it is like next level gold star humility to be able to give advice, have someone ignore it, have them have it not go well, and your first reaction not be, they should have done what I said. Right. Like, even if it's true. And just to say, boy, I'm really sorry. It's bad too that they're going through this. My heart hurts for them. And not have the fact that they didn't take your initial advice be a a barrier of which they then also have to overcome in addition to their bad whatever they did earlier. I'm the second one. Yep. I I I definitely struggle with this. Yeah. But yeah. I I think that's that's legit difficult. Right? Because, like, you recognize it's always difficult to say pain could have been avoided, and yet they jumped full full arm in. And and and it was it almost feels like it's directed at you. Screw you. I'm gonna do this anyway. Yeah. Right. It wasn't that. It was basically screw me. I'm gonna harm myself regardless. Right. And and and for that, the the frame of mind you have to be in and the destructive nature of how you look at the world that causes that, every divorce is this. Right? Like, it's there's it's someone just decided to that this was the path that they were gonna take, and you're like, boy, it didn't have to be that way. And by the time that they realized that, like, they're they already put the weight of the world back on them. The fact that they didn't listen to your advice is way low on the totem pole,

especially to them. And so, again, I I I think it's just one of the harder parts of humility. But, like, if you can figure that out, all the other humility stuff starts to really flow in and become nice. Think how easy it is to deal with people if you don't have to deal with your own pride in the middle of it. Like, holy cats. I I I don't carry as much weight. Right? The weight that I carry around with have with trying to help people in any situation, most of it is my irritations. They didn't listen to me in the first place, and they're still in the straights because they didn't listen to me. And so, like, when when I see their number on my phone or their face in my rearview mirror, I go, oh, great. It's that guy that don't listen to me. He keeps making bad decisions. Right? And, like, not these are not part of my personality that I'm proud of. Right? It's just true. Mhmm. And so instead of seeing them and going like, hey. I have a relationship with this person. Man, I I hope they're not in the straights. I think, by that time they didn't listen to me, no wonder they're in the straights. Who's not in the straights? Me. Because I listen to me. Right? So it's it's it's terrible, but it's the truth. It's it's what I think. And, right, it creates so much more of a burden in being able to help people. If you if you drag that into every situation where you're not struggling in the same way they're struggling and you come at it from the pious, you know, the pious way to look. I'm a tell you how to do it. And if you don't do it, then you stink. You know? You're the one that's bringing the weight into the relationship, and you're missing the opportunity to continue to have it. Right. It's the it's the it's the common church person's advice on someone who's got a meth problem. I mean, you don't have to have a meth problem to point people to to good solutions. That's why Celebrate Recovery works. They don't care what your problem is. Right. However,

like, the thought is that, like, I came with this with this answer on the table, and this person who's got a meth problem didn't follow it the way I said it was going to, and now then they suck. Like, I mean, let's just be clear here that that that you have to recognize, one, fallible human, human. And two, it's not really about you. Like, whatever decision they're making or ignoring of you, it's not about you. They didn't go, I'm gonna do this anyway just because that guy said not to Screw Brian. Yeah. I'm gonna take the mess. That's not what it is. That is not what it is. They're dealing with bigger things. And, like, it takes a real it takes a real turd to make yourself the center of that problem. Exact and and think how easily you do it. Hey, man. You ever considered not committing crimes? Well,

like, you know, like, that was his only motivator in life is to go, well, Mike says to stop committing crimes, I'm a commit crime. Yeah. But screw you, Mike. Yeah. That is terrible. Okay. Last one. We got time for one more. Yeah. One more. Dear life from the path, my siblings and I have always enjoyed spending quality time together. And every eight to ten weeks or so, we get together for a, quote, siblings day. There's no set schedule or particular date. One of us will call with the others and say, hey, man. I need some siblings time. There are five of us all over 60. Oh, boy. Oh. Yeah. It's a blue hair kinda deal. Okay. Okay. I'm ready. I'm ready. They meet at the Perkins. And they wait for hours because the Perkins is terrible. Sometimes, we meet at one of our homes and play board games or cards or dance in the living room and enjoy the laughter that comes with it. It's a time we just enjoy being family. Okay. Our brother's lady friend, a very nice person, has arrived, uninvited, the last three times we have gotten together. Talk about a party pooper. We have explained, as graciously as we know how, that these times are very important to us. Our brother has asked her to please allow us this time for family, but she just laughs and says it's silly for grown people to be so needy of each other. She has six sib siblings who live close by and with whom she keeps in good contact.

We all love each other and are aware that life is truly short and that we are very lucky to still have this close bond with so many families do not. Holy cow. Did you buy a soapbox for you, wrote this letter? Can you suggest what we could do to make her understand what this time together means to us and that she is the ultimate uninvited guest? I've got so many questions. Oh, man. Right? Okay. So did I hear this right that it's the lady friend of one of the siblings? Yeah. One of the brothers. Five brothers. And this gal, the last three times, she has showed up uninvited. This is hold on. This is this was the classic line to me. Is it says, we have explained as graciously as we know that these times are very important to us. Our brother has asked her to please allow us this time for family, but she just laughs and says it's silly for grown people to be so needy of each other. Well, that should put you at home, shouldn't it? Right? If you didn't need other people, you should be at home, party pooper woman.

That doesn't make any sense at all. Man. Okay. Here's the thing. Because they're 60, this whole situation's hilarious to me. I don't know why. Like some crazy old bitty that, like, refuses to stay home when she's supposed to, and there's nothing you can do. I mean, just don't tell her. I mean I mean, hey. Go in to get some bread. Tell a lie then. Well, okay. You could do it differently. Christian stealing all his eggs, Dan goes, tell a ruse. Get some bread and take it to the siblings' house. I mean, when we say butter. When we're saying lady friend, like, are we saying girlfriend or just Yeah. I kinda that's that's a good question. It's a blue hair. She said lady friend. What do you want? I I think probably girlfriend. Okay. I'm gonna say girlfriend as well. Okay. So I I so core principle here.

It doesn't seem like this is funny. Right? Like, you can have a fuddy duddy around who, like, kinda sulks in the corner while everyone dances in the living room. Happens to be. So, like, I get it. And maybe it's alright. Like, oh, that person's the fuddy duddy, and everyone still enjoys you in the company. That doesn't sound like what's going on here. Right. Given given how often this is happening, how close you are to your family, I guess my first question would be, this is the person you wanna spend the rest of your what seems to be short life with. Yeah. Like, I guess she's I'm I'm just not sure that if this is something you see that is so important to you and it's not important to her, like, I don't wanna overdo it on a key indicator, but, like, this seems like a substantial problem. Right. I'm gonna go hang out with my siblings. I'm gonna come too. No. You're not gonna come. Yes. I am. Yeah. And I'm gonna come, and I'm gonna make fun of you the whole time and say, your sibling time is not valuable. Like, that seems pretty hard. Like, pretty kind of a deal breaker here. Seems like someone you shouldn't be with. Yeah. Like, what? She's a great person. Definitely some communication between the lady friend and that guy Yeah. That needs to be worked on. Yeah. There's that. Wouldn't you be more more mad at your brother? Be like, hey, man. You need to handle your business over here if your lady friend keeps coming around. Why is Verta keep showing up. Tell Virta she can't come. Yeah. The play the lady who brings the vegan nachos to the bowling night,

it's the guy who said she could come who has to deal with that. Yeah. That's right. Like, we're no one's eating these vegan nachos. It's not even cheese. It sounds like they're pretty close, though, too. So if they're like, listen. Hey. Virgil can come to Theed's, but not Theed's. Like, hey. Let's have two a month or whatever. These are just specifically for our family. This one is like, you need to come, and we're gonna be excited about it and we're going to enter you into the family in the fold. Yeah. Like, there's two ways to think about it. Right? Sometimes it's a perception thing of like Yeah. Because you know right now all of them are bitter and they see Virgil or what are we calling her? Virgin.

They see her and they all get bitter. You can just see this harboring, which But this jealousy may be going on. Something there. Right? And probably also this is hurting the relationship with the brother that keeps bringing Virginia in. Or or I did doesn't it say though that I like Lady Nachos. And so doesn't it say that Lady Nacho shows up uninvited? Yeah. Like, she's finding it on his calendar and showing up? No. It doesn't say. It doesn't say how she's arriving. I mean, is it If he shows up in the same car as the brother, I mean, that's ridiculous. John,

you brought her. Yeah. I didn't know she was back there. Shut up, John. You knew she was back there. You got two sodas and a cup holder. You're a liar. Yes. I so I so lack of clarity number number two, I think, is that, it's when he says she's uninvited, does it mean nobody wants her there, but John keeps bringing her? Yeah. Or, like, nobody wants her there, including John, but she shows up, like, on her own accord and to toots people in the living room. Yeah. Who to who goes to stuff where you know they don't want you there? Yeah. That's right. Like, it's just the it's it's bold. That's weird, but it also is like, is there something going on with her? Does that make sense? Yeah. Like, we need to, like, really, hey. What need is this fulfilling in your life that you feel like you need to be a part of this? Yeah. Does that make sense? And, like, let's work through that. And they've but they like, and these fellows have diagnosed it. Right? They're like, well, she has a close relationship with her family. So, like, I because I think they're trying to head that off at the past. Does she have a need and not know how to interact with her family or whatever? But it's at least they're making it sound like she does. Yeah. Well, I mean, if I wanted to be right and make someone else look terrible, I would also write the same thing. So Yeah. Did you notice there the what what was the the core question? Like, I mean, they're bay they're leading the witness here. It was like, hey. Do we Yeah. How do we tell her to kick her to curb? Like, they weren't opening up for, hey. How do we resolve this problem in an amicable way, which everyone is having? That's right. When when when people are great like myself and I'm surrounded by dirt balls, what do I do?

Love this person. I think you nailed it on the head. There's a bigger issue between the brother and this lady. Like, if she's not gonna respect that, there's some issue there. Okay. So so back back to advice for the number one is, of all, this is a communication problem primarily between John and Lady Nachos. Yeah. Mhmm. It's got like this shouldn't be something where your whole family is trying to ask around you. Your family should be going, John, what's going on here? You you know this time is special to us and, like, we'd love to have her here, but she's really dragging the joint down. Can you can you figure out what's going on? Because I feel like, I don't wanna get up in your grill, but, I mean, this seems like it might cast into other business. So and if if this is, like, the sole thing of what she's all feisty about, I still think that's a deal. Like, there's just something weird about it Yeah. To be happening. Who who gets upset with 65 year old people dancing in living room? Yeah. That's that's amazing. That seems awesome. Yeah. Yeah. It's just weird that she wants to be included in it. If she finds it silly, but she shows up all the time, it it is. It's just yeah. There's there's certain there's definitely a deeper issue going on. The the the question is, like, coming from one of the siblings,

I I think the advice is you need to talk to John. Right? Like, your conversations with John and say, look, John. I I don't know why you're you're allowing this or what needs to happen here, but, like I mean, she's not invited, so that's it. Do something. Okay. Ready? Secular says, what gall? Your brother's girlfriend oh, yeah. That's how I get all feisty. I say the word gall. What gall? Your brother's girlfriend does not have the right to judge your family's sin spending time with one another as quote, silly. It is the height of rudeness.

Please point out to him that her behavior is an important red flag for him to consider. The next time she drops by uninvited, your brother should put his foot down and not let her intrude. Yeah. That'd be funny. Like what? Physical barrier? Yeah. Bar to the door. I'd like to be there for the night, actually. Yeah. That's gonna be awesome. Sorry. The door is locked. Watch a watch a couple of Dick Van Dykes try to keep an old lady out of the door. Yeah. I'll stand sentry. A domestic altercation at the Yeah. At the brouhaha. We're trying to trying to foxtrot and Lady Nacho's trying to bust her weight. Yeah. What you're doing is silly. Silly. As you cart her away. Oh god.

I'll call the law, Eunice. I will. Okay. That was it? That was that's the good advice? That was the advice. Just tell them tell them it's the height of rudeness. Boy, I mean, that type of confrontation only comes from people above. This is the height of rudeness. I like to hear what my kids say that. I would laugh and laugh at days. Well, this is a height of rudeness.

Okay. I think we've handled this. Alright. Hey. Thanks for listening to Life From The Path. We very much appreciate you hanging out with us on the show. Make sure you go to lifefromthepath.org. That's where you can get the podcast full time. You can catch up with the show. You can check out I was gonna do secular solomon tonight, and I decided we did it a couple weeks ago, so we're just gonna have to wait. So but, anyway, you can catch up past episodes, clips from the show, lots of musical guests coming on. Hey. Hey. Aaron Dale's gonna be here. Aaron Dale's got a new album coming out. He's gonna be here first week of February. Right. Day after the Super Bowl. Aaron Dale's coming in. It's been a late night tune. Alright. Big thanks to Philip Ramsey from Uncommon Wealth Partners. Philip, great for having you in here. Very much appreciate it. Make sure you go to uncommonwealth.com, and you can find you can sign up for their podcast. Dig on that. It's good stuff. It's good for your drive in and out, and also to get ahold of Philip, and let's put those dreams in action. And look for the look for that book coming out this year. Yeah, man. That's gonna be in fact, maybe when it comes out, we'll have you all back on. We can talk through it. Wouldn't love it. Wow. Sounds great. Alright. We will see you next week. In the meantime, be faithful in means. God will handle the ends. You've been listening to Live From The Path.