Live from the Pathway Studios in Johnston proper. You are live from the path. And you're listening to Live From The Past with me from the Past with Studios here in Johnston Proper. So says you.

You don't know anything about me. Liar. You've not I tell Nathaniel? Yes. How many people like, are you do you tell secrets? You feel like you're a man who tells secrets? No. I'm a man who holds secrets. You My beard is a beard of secrets, actually. You don't you don't wear a beard. Exactly. So secretive that it's not even there. Dang. I didn't see that happening. The unseen beard. Okay. Anyway, thanks for hanging out with us on Life From The Path. Here's what we have going on tonight.

Dan, you had hold on. Dan had a couple a couple items. They were just interesting reads, I thought. So I thought that there was there was an article on seven reflections on the state of the evangelical church, 10 things you should never say to your pastor. And then interestingly, Dan had look look at Dan's gonna cover the show this week. Dan had put out a quote, something to a kid of, like, once if you're if you're public school and your kid and once they hit 11 past 11,

it's very difficult to get them to to align. And that's it wasn't your quote, but so some There's an obscure in that second article I about this the discipleship or or the yeah. There's some obscure little quote in there. Okay. And it just stuck out to me. I thought, So the so I kinda I wanna talk about that on does that sound right? Or in what ways is that true? In what ways is it not true? And that's that's What was the quote? So, Dan, do you have it? I could get it real quick here. Okay.

Here. While Dan's looking for that, we're gonna talk about 10 things you should never say to your pastor. Okay. Quick quick guess. Nathaniel, can you give me one one thing you think is on this list? That I shouldn't say to a pastor? I I yeah. What well, what do you think is on this list that someone says, hey, you shouldn't say that to the pastor? A great sermon this week. One of your best. Oh, congratulations and any type of encouragement.

Well, says, no. Like, you know, it's like the the the the you know, if you say it every week, then then it doesn't ring true. Yeah. You know how they're, like, shaking hands afterwards? One of your best this week, preacher. I used to have a gal every week say, great sermon, Larry. I'm like, well, I'm not very. Thank you very much. That was that was I was 2020 then. So that was a back away. I hope that's awesome. Okay. We got that's a T shirt. That's the T shirt for this week. Yeah. Great sermon, Larry. Okay. That's great. Alright. Mike, what do think's on the list?

Have you ever considered bringing in a guest speaker? Okay. Okay. That might be rough. Dan. Dan's already seen the list. But I can't remember it. That was long ago. That's right. That's right. I think I gotta put this in the question. Can can you unclog the toilet real quick, please? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Or is that is that a new toupee? As as you're going to the stage. Okay. Alright. So here's here's the I think these are gonna be less funny than what we came up with. No bummer. Number one, the pastor is not meeting my needs. Now why would you talk about them in the third person? I feel like they got, like, hey, pastor. The pastor is not meeting my needs. Just between me and you. It's a weird thing to say.

He says he's not there to meet your needs. Jesus does that. The pastor is there as a shepherd to watch over the entire flock and to see that he'll boy, this is weird because the the this website cuts off. So it seems to say and to see that healthy fools is avail healthy food is available and safe procedures are in place. He's not he's there to make you holy, not happy. Wait a minute. The so so are are they saying this because it it happens? Oh, it does happen. I've heard I've had that happen. They say, hey. You're not meeting my needs. You're just not you're not feeding me. Like, well, I I haven't really tried. I I figured Well, I think they should rebut yourself. They don't like that, and then they get mad. Usually, they'll they'll say that when they get to the point they're already out the door anyway. They're just trying to find they're grasping at something, and it's like, you're just not meeting my needs. Like, okay. Okay. Well, good luck to you.

Yeah. I mean okay. Let put let's put it in a little bit of perspective, though. Right? Is there merits in staying in a community even, let's say, that the pastor is not like like the let's say the Sunday morning service or the teaching on Sunday isn't isn't your cup of Joe. Like, is that a good enough reason to leave a community or church community?

Or let's say you don't like to worship. Right? Let's say that you're more of a traditional worship person, but they got a pretty modern flair to them. You don't really dig it, but the teaching's okay and, like, you're there for and and the community's good. Like, what is a good reason to leave? See, in principle, I would say that is not a good reason to leave. But I've also not been in that situation to actually be there and and Dent says I sit under excellent teaching every week

courtesy of Larry. I love Larry. Is she actually confusing you with a brother, or it's like she just does not know your name? I think she knew my brother, Larry. Okay. Okay. I don't know. I mean, I don't know why she would. Yeah. Okay. Alright. Yeah. I would say

if it's not heresy and it, like, it it is competently done, like, that should not be the that shouldn't be the thing that causes you to go or not go. It depend yeah. It depends on your on your context. Like, some churches, the guys are in and out every three years, and it's like, just be patient. He'll be gone. Don't don't make him go. You know? Don't don't stir trouble, but he'll be gone. He just will.

If that's not the setting and and, know, you've waited fifteen years, you're like, well, maybe maybe, you know, if you really are stale and stagnant, maybe I need to do something. And for whatever reason, you're not doing it on yourself either. Yeah. I guess that would be the thing is I would and maybe I have a bias towards this, but, like, I mean, there are there are ways to to not be so dependent on any given thing within a church. Mhmm. Like, I've been to plenty I've been to

I think prior prior to maybe when we were here, there were the churches before them were like they were older folk. And, like, I didn't care for the worship at all. Yeah. Yeah. But it didn't particularly I still played in the band and, like, they were still talking about Jesus, and it didn't you know, I I didn't have an expectation that it was there to do anything but, like, represent true things about Jesus. As long as it was doing that, then you know? Mhmm. As a matter of fact, I was listening to, Elevation Worship has a new, has a new album out. And, boy, there's some real there's some real stingers in there. And so I come somebody put one of the songs was like the mic, you're breathing your your nose is breathing into the microphone. My nose hairs are coming out No. I can I can hear you? And and rubbing on it like the scrubbing bubbles. That's real nasty. That's what I'm doing. That's real nasty. Anyway, like, one of the songs was basically Matthew five

almost in its entirety. It is, like, set to music. That was pretty I mean, so they were some good tunes. But then but they're not songs I would normally listen to. Like, I if I heard things on the radio like this, I wouldn't I wouldn't stop and go, hey, man. Look at the cut of that jib. I want some more of it. Like, it's just not for me. But but in its context, there were some really powerful and good and they're true and scripturally sound songs in this bucket. And so in fact, I was telling my wife that, like, it's interesting. Some of contemporary Christian music actually is a little bit unique in that you don't actually hear other things like it on the radio. There's some uniqueness to it of which it's kind of its own category, and maybe that's good, maybe that's bad, depending on who you are. But, anyway, like, I don't think that's a good reason to I don't think it's a good reason to leave. I mean, do do you feel like that's something that

you prayerfully consider the community that God has you in? Because, like, I I mean, I know people that have left wonderful church homes where they sat under good teaching and liked the worship and had great community, and God moved them. And that happens. Yeah, yeah, totally. And so like for the same reason that like, you you can be at a place that's fallen apart, the teaching's rough, the pews are full of Pharisees, and the worship leaders are prima donna, and you go, God, do you have work for me here? And he says, yeah. I need you to stay. You're the person that I've shown the difference, so you need to hang tight. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'd say yeah. Totally. It's this

I I do think god will move his folks around to go do things. I think and maybe, Dan, this has been your experience. Like, of the times, to to the one you just said, like, people were leaving for whatever reason, shallow or otherwise, and they're like, they're it's a purse it's a preference problem or it's they're they're actually not saying what does god want me. They're like, hey. I just wanna get out of here. Yeah. That's a completely different ball. Those are two different completely different things. Yeah. If if it's just I believe god moves people around to do what he wants, how he accomplishes will, and and he does that in in marvelous ways he has throughout history, and that's incredible. But, if it's just someone just like, yeah. I just don't know.

I'm kinda bored. I'm gonna do something different. I just wanna they're not gonna do anything. They're not they're not looking to get involved. They just they just want a different show. Yeah. Yeah. Right. They wanna change the channel. Yeah. Exactly. That's all it is. And it was like, you're kinda you know, I I'm not gonna miss you. I mean, sorry. Yeah. Right. You know? I mean, disappointed, but what do you what do you do? What do you do? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. The the second one was I'm not being spiritually fed. We're gonna skip that one because that's I think that's basically the first one. Yeah. The third one was I have a right. The Christian faith is about the grace and mercy of God. We thank God he does not give us what we deserve. Faithful believers show the same kind of dedication and love to one another, but at no point is a child of God to insist on his rights. I don't what what is this in reaction to? Is this like

I have a right to sin? Like, I don't understand. Usually, you said an opinion about something. You know? I I have oh, I wish I could think of something quickly. You know, I I have a right to go ahead and sing this solo right now even though, you know, nobody wants me to. Or or I I wanna play I wanna jump up and down and

bang a tambourine just because I have a right to. Yeah. Weird. I I mean, whatever. You know? You know? Those are bad examples, but I I've definitely heard that flavor of I can do whatever the heck I want as opposed to, hey. This is the direction we're going. Like, no. I'm going a different direction. Yeah. And I have the right to do that. It's like, well, just go ahead and go do that somewhere else is generally my my thought on that.

Yeah. So it's like it's it's just like a I wanna do what I wanna do type of business. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't care what the majority wants. I don't care what the leadership wants. I don't care anything else. I just have a right to double on. Yeah. Weird. Alright. Four, I'm not one to gossip, but I mean, this is not a pastor specific problem, but although do you see this, Dan? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Don't say that. Just because it's a yeah. Just stop it. Yeah. If you go ahead. That's what I when I saw this this, thought it it really is just stuff you shouldn't say to anybody. Yeah. Right. It wasn't like a past pastor. But that's why I thought it was more general than just a specific slice of people out there Yeah. That you shouldn't say this to. Yeah. You know, and I feel like I have unwittingly done I've not said that, but, like, if there's people that they like, people that I know others have been praying for,

I think there are times when I've not have been as cautious as I should have been around, like, sharing updates about folk. Mhmm. And and on the other side of it, I thought, you know, I don't I'm not sure. That probably that felt a little bit more gossipy and less like Maybe that wasn't my place. Yeah. Maybe it was yeah. That that was it. It's not wasn't untrue or anything. It wasn't Yeah. Scandalous or whatever, but it wasn't my place Yeah. To do that. And

yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Five. Now now I'm not saying who, but some people are unhappy about. It's your wife. It always is. Yes. That sounds right. That sounds right. Yeah. The the mystery, the the the benevolent

man who's representing the people, even though he doesn't believe in it, he just thinks you should know. Yeah. Yeah. So so what what's how do you rectify this? Like, if you let's say you did hear something and they weren't willing to come tell the pastor, what's what do you how do you react? We just had this discussion in a meeting today. There was a safety meeting. And fellas, they're like, hey. We like, the the the big thing is reporting a near miss incident.

And no one wants to report near misses because it means that you probably screwed something up and you don't wanna look bad. And so they said, well, look. We're promising. You know, we're not gonna use this against you. We just we need to start getting data and keep better track of this thing, whatever. And a couple of fellows raised their hand, they say, I I don't I'm not willing to submit a report like that, but I am willing to do it anonymous anonymously. And I said, well, that's stupid.

I mean, either you put your name on it and you say, here's what I've done or here's what happened or here's what I saw a guy do or you anybody could say anything and lob a thing in there and and and not own it. You know? And so, like, either way, a true thing happened. Right? You're just saying whether you're willing to say, yes, it did and not try to cover it up. So at the end of the day, I don't take in anonymous feedback from anybody. I feel like if you have something to say, like I've had someone say, hey, a guy was talking to me and he's worried about this and this happening. I'm like, Well, what's his name? They're like, Oh, he was talking to me about it. He didn't feel comfortable talking to you. And I said, Well, as soon as he does, tell him I'll be in here. Because I I ain't talking to you about it, you don't feel that way. So that seems like a big waste of time. That that that's usually it's someone trying to make an issue bigger than it really is. People are talking. I represent a group, and I've come here to tell you. And so if you could just say, hey. Let's get that group together and have a conversation. I'd love to talk to the whole group about this. It usually dies right there.

And if it is a whole group, then it's probably worthy of a conversation. Right. In act six, they had a conversation. Hey. You're not feeding the right you know, some people are not getting fed. You're like, oh True. I didn't even notice that. Thanks. Let's get that fixed. That's generally if they're like like, who's in your group? And they're like, Daryl and Bill. Well, as soon as you tell me Daryl and Bill are in there, I know this is just a bunch of clucking hands. Yeah. Like, Daryl and Bill like to cause a lot of trouble about all kinds of things. So why don't you tell Daryl and Bill to come visit? Yeah. Yeah. So I suppose the encouragement then is is, like, if you hear something like that, you'd encourage someone to say, hey. Well, you need to take them to it directly, but I don't feel comfortable. Well, then either it's not that big of a deal or I'll go with you. But either way, I'm not doing it on your on your behalf. Yeah. Right. Yeah. That's that frankly, that's that doesn't show that's, disrespectful to I don't care who whether it's a pastor or anybody else is disrespectful to that person, going through a middleman. Yeah. It's the same thing with apologies. And anytime you're reporting behavior to someone else, like, this this smoky

half truth of a thing, you're like, I'm sorry for my behavior. You're sorry for what? What did you do? Right? Don't tell me. Or, like, I was at the my daughter does this all the time. She comes home from school. She's like, I was talking to a friend of mine and this and this. She tells this big old story. I'm like, who's the friend? Oh, it's this and that. I'm like, why didn't you just say that? When you leave the friend's name out, you sound fishy. You know? Like, almost everybody who's ever told me lies leaves out, like, major details Yeah. That would define the story well. You know, like, I was just out riding around and I was doing some errands, and then all a sudden, I ran into my this and this drunk friend of mine. I'm like, where were you doing errands at? You know what I'm saying? Do you were you at the Dollar General, or were you down by the homeless shelter? Because these two things sound like you're leaving big chunks of the story out for a reason. You know what saying? So I feel like for people to have almost any credibility, I need to be blown away by your honesty. And then I feel like we can have a conversation. You know? Yeah. Yeah. Totally. Number six was I gave the money for that, so I'll make the decision as to how it's to be used. Oh, but you didn't, sir. See, you gave the money to us and the church as an organization, which you, sir, are not on the decision making body. You could apply.

We'd love to have you, but as of right now, you are not. Yeah. It says this says, once our gifts are in the offering plate, they belong to the Lord and his church. The donor relinquishes all control and is entitled to nothing as a result. Even the IRS agrees with that. Okay. See, I don't know how you don't get snarky about it and be like, why don't you go ahead and pray? If God wants you to give the money back, I will I will return it to you. Yeah. But, like, I, you know, I I I would like to invoke the the Lord in the middle of this because I don't know the truth of it. You know, that is actually it actually is an IRS thing too that if someone designates, you know, hey. I gave a $100 to get a new bill. You're like, well, we're not really getting a new bill. And they're like, yeah. But that's where that money's going for. The leadership can go, We're not gonna use that for a bill.

And You're not hamstrung to Right. Right. To take it. Like, once it's it it goes from one organization to another, you can't earmark it for a special thing. If they're, you know, the verified leaders of that group who are responsible for the funds, then they can they can they can go, yeah. Sorry. We don't want no dang bell. We changed our mind on that bell. Seven. Sorry. I don't have a gift for that.

Every believer can serve in a 100 ways whether we are gifted in a particular era or not. So this is someone say, hey. We need someone to help be a parking lot attendant. You say, the Lord has not gifted me in this way. Now see, we've done that, though, because we, like, get on stage and we'll be like, everybody has a spiritual gift. Maybe yours is sweeping floors. That look, man. That's not a spiritual gift. That's just a duty. That's everybody gotta do it. Right? Like, everybody has the capability to sweep floors minus, like, a couple of rare circumstances. But, like, we the thing is we pump up a bunch of people and be like, everything is a spiritual gift. It is not. It is not everything's not a spiritual gift. Some things, you are just a living, breathing human, and you need to participate in things, and that's true. And so, like, we've caused some of our own trouble in this area. Yeah. Maybe you're gifted for the children's ministry. No. You got your own kids. Now I mean, you know I'm saying? It's not a spiritual gift. You got kids. No. Hold on a minute. But doesn't the opposite sing true where, like, someone wants to play the tambo at Dan's corral here? Mhmm. And and they and and they stink. They're real bad at it. They got they got three knuckles and eight left feet. And it says, hey.

You don't have the gift to play the timbo during the services. No. Is that right is that rightly rendered? No. No. Because The Lord has gifted you. That's the say no. That's the same thing as they will say, I I have a spiritual gift of playing free form tambourine. And you say, you have the spiritual gift to sit down. You are not playing the tambourine. Yeah. It's not a spiritual gift. You just dig on the tray the tambourine. And that's cool, but you can't dig on it right now during this preplanned thing where we put a bunch of effort into it, and then you like you like the lord's nightgale in here and fire off the shimmers. Like, it's just a no. I really take some confidence to say the lord has not gifted you in that area. I say it to my kids a lot.

Well, it it is difficult when you have to really actually say that to someone who really believes they're gifted in an area, like, you're really you're really not. I mean, here's the thing. It's like there's subtle differences. Someone goes, the lord gave me a heart to sing. That's true. He just didn't give anyone else the ears to hear. He did not give you a microphone. Yeah. Yeah. Or microphone. That's right. That's right. You can delight in it just personally. Yeah. And that's fine. Yeah. Actually and that's a very hard thing to deal with because what it feels like someone's saying is like, hey. The Lord has has given me something that delights my heart, and I wanna share that delight with others. And someone goes, that delight does not extend to others. This is a personal gifting. But here's the thing. It's like, what it usually boils down to is like, no one's stopping you from singing. You want to be on stage and sing Yeah. In front of other people Yeah. And make it appear as if you're leading the thing. And that's the thing that you're upset about. No one's putting you in the in the crowd and going, by the way, you're so horrible. You can't even sing in the in God's people's chorus. Right? But you're upset because you want to be on stage representative as if you're fantastic. And that's the thing that most people were like, let's shade that in. And then you're you're hurt about it. Right? That's a that's a throne problem.

Right? Like, got you're creating your own mini throne, and you're like, I wanna be up a part of the backup singers. Well, there's a 150 backup singers in the pews, and you can join them. And they sing all choruses and all verses, so you're set. Number eight, why don't they do something? A friend says there's three groups of people found in every congregation. There are consumers just browsing. There are customers. We come to this church because of the music program. If you cancel that program, they leave. And there are the shareholders. Announce a workday, and these are the ones who show up. You build a church with the shareholders, not with the other two groups,

although most of the latter were one of the former previously. I don't is the point to say you're you want something done or changed in the church, but you want someone you're like, why doesn't someone else do it? Basically, you're not volunteering. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I really think this should be done. You guys are failures for not doing it, so please you do this. I don't know. I've said something like this before and not from I don't don't think from an incorrect heart on it, but, like, I mean, you show up at workdays or, like, you do all this stuff and you're like, the same eight people. There's 300 people go to this church. We're we're getting strung. We're getting strung thin. You know? And so, like, we have to figure out a way to to disengage. I think I've said or to engage them. I feel like I've said it more in the way of we probably can't sustain this. Like, this is how we burn people out. Yeah. Mhmm. Yeah. And I think that's right. I think their their complaint is that, basically, someone who who sits on their their sits on their brains and goes, hey. Why doesn't someone else do something I refuse to? Which is different than someone going, hey. We're doing these things, but it's gonna burn people out, or we need to get more people involved. That's a different maybe a different thing. And and some of that was like, that came around with that conversation that that pastor we were talking about there a month or so ago where, like, just because things are good, right, and holy does not necessarily mean that God has you involved. Right? If you're showing up at every single workday, I gotta think that it's

worth checking in with the Holy Spirit and go, you want me to every single one of these workdays right? Because, like, you will burn yourself out. And then like, you know people, the church is made up of people. You're not gonna get back out of them what you think you're putting into them. They're not gonna be able to fill your cup right. And so like, don't think by showing up at every single workday and every single thing and being the guy that takes on the mowing and all this jazz that, like, somehow you're gonna fulfill be fulfilled by the gratefulness of the people in the building because you will not be. It's just not it's not gonna happen for you. So just make sure that God has you doing that and just double check-in. Volunteering's good and, like, all that stuff's great. But, like, you're donating every Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday night, and Saturday morning plus worship on Sunday, I I gotta say, I I just I I don't I think God has a life for you, you know, to be doing things. If you just make sure that you're not overselling how much time you're donating to the church as if it is actually gonna bring you some kind of return apart from what god intended it to bring you. Number

nine is the pastor or the preacher as a dictator. Dan, you ever been accused of being a dictator? Yeah. Usually, that just means you're doing something opposite of what they're looking to do, and and you're both stubborn, it's

actually your job and not theirs. So they just take it personal and call you a dictator. Yeah. I mean, that's what it boils down to. It's it's too bad. Yeah. You could levy that at anybody who has any semblance of authority Yeah. And says, oh, like, that decision maker. Anytime you make a decision that someone may not agree with, they feel like it's forced upon me because he's a dictator. I mean, are are there ways to do this well? Like, if like like like folks disagree with something that happened or something that you had said or a way that you're going about it and says, hey. Was there do you have some time this week for me to stop by? Just I wanna chat with you and run some stuff by you. Like, have you guys had someone do that? Have you had somebody do this well? Oh, yeah. Yeah. But that's always a a very good conversation even if it's on the opposite side of what you're doing. At least you can have an adult conversation about it. It's like, about it, process it, think about it, and think it through, talk it through, go, got some good points. Yeah. We're still gonna do it this way. Or or you're right. Let's let's meet somewhere in the middle. I mean, I've done that too. Yeah. It's

mostly people's approach to it or their attitude on the thing that that tends to go sour. Yeah. The final one, ten. I don't know what the Bible says, but I know what I believe. Yep. Boy, I know I it's it's funny.

There's a number of of, Facebook groups and things that I'm a part of that are like they're like ministry focused or bible focused, and this is still happening. Mhmm. Someone's like, you know, I, I know here's what I think. Can anybody tell me where that is in the bible? I'm like, woah. Maybe you got the order wrong, friend. Why don't you go see what's at in the bible and then go, that's what I believe based upon the thing I read and understood? And it's just odd coming from some of these corners of people who appear to be at least trying to dig into to some stuff and, and and have a robust theology. And, it's just it's it's weird. I don't even understand the posturing of that relationship, not with your pastor, not with your church, but with God. Just as a whole. Like, fundamentally, when you say something like that, I go, you misunderstand God, sir, or yourself. It's one or the other. Mhmm. And and, like, it tells you like, I don't I don't I don't wanna make a blanket out of a out of a napkin, but, like, I feel like it tells you everything that I need to know right now about the status of how you're approaching your your religion is by saying stuff like that.

Yeah. Yeah. My five year old keeps doing that. He keeps he keeps making up verses. Oh, yeah. I'll say, you know, it's like the Bible says. He says it like an old man. It's like the Bible says in the verse. It says, you should help your friends. I was like, I mean, kinda.

Sounds good. Should should yes. Even worse is when people are like, I know what the Bible says. It says a, but I'm gonna do b. Yeah. That that's like, oh, you know, yeah, that that's hurt that hurts. Well, I suppose it's kinda weird too because, like, what do they expect you to say? Right. Hey, pastor. I I know I believe this, but I don't know what the Bible says. And you go, well, I mean, I guess your mind's made up. Like Yeah. Yeah. Why do I why do you feel that way? Because because the other can't be right. The thing you're saying can't be right. It didn't feel right. I mean, all kinds of things didn't feel right. Heard that in the context of a marriage ending. Yeah. And

it's like, well, they already decided. They're just trying to find justification, then they couldn't find justification. They're like, well, I know what God says, but he's just gonna have to put up with this. You know? Because I gotta be happy. Yeah. I here's the thing. It's like, I think they they miss a major characteristic of of of God's heart. Like, it it always feels like he always goes, I know you're hurting,

but right? Like, I know you're hurting and I'm going nowhere. I will walk through this with you, but here's the thing that I'm calling you to. And I said as much. Like, I pretty much spelled the thing out. And so that's where we're at. And they're like, But if he knows I'm hurting, he would allow me to do this. No, he didn't say that, right? And for reasons that are his. I'm not 100% sure that's got to make perfect logical sense to me. If he wanted to speak to it, he would. And he has to the point where he says, No, I'm not going allow this. And so that stuff's really interesting. And it's a clear indication of how much our

feelings tend to drive a lot of the directions that we go. Right? Like Right. I understand what God is trying to say here, but there's no way he could have meant all this with these circumstances. Mhmm. And, like, yes. There yeah. There is. In fact, it's most likely directly because of these circumstances he's calling you to this. Right? Like, it's the opening of James. Right? Like, you let this trust produce steadfastness

and steadfastness produce perfection. And that's the thing. If you never get to the steadfast part, then you'll never get to see the gates. You know? Right. It's just like anything else. Okay. Interesting. I don't think I've I mean, I've not said any of those. No. Nathaniel, how many? Yeah. I don't think any. 50%. 50%.

Okay. That's wrong, I think. I don't know I don't know that I've ever like, even and my grandpa, we used to run a church like that where he'd wait at the back, and you go back and say something. I don't know that I've ever given an opinion, like, based on how the sermon went, like, on the way out the door. If I thought it was crappy or I didn't think it did much, like, I'd I use I've sat on it for a couple weeks and thought, am I right here? Maybe I'm just being a turd. If I still thought it was no good, I'd tell Ben or Dan about it. Like, hey. Do you feel like that was kinda That was a real stinker. Yeah. I mean, you know and usually, I mean, one of them if they're being honest, they're like, yeah. I don't know. It didn't it didn't take well. I thought it I thought I had a big point, but then after I'd given it, I'm like, I don't know. That's not a real stinker. And so, you know, I mean, usually, if you just have regular conversation about it, it's fine. Yeah. It's really it's really fun when you're in the middle of of presenting some information. And and while you're speaking, you're going, man, this is lame. This is, like, terrible. I'd I'd like another day to think this one through. Yeah. He's like, well, I'm I'm I'm speaking right now as I'm thinking, I better just keep going. Yeah. Do you recall being on fire for it at your desk yesterday? Yeah. And then as it's coming out, you're like, where was I going with this?

I remember this one time we were cleaning up after church, and Dan goes, you know, a third sermon, we really got it that time. Oh. I remember looking at my notes sometime in my in my bible while I'm teaching or something. I'll have my notes written next to it, and I'm like, what possible revel relevance did I think this had? Like, I underlined it three times, and I'm like, what does that have to do with anything going on right now? Nared his nostril. That's great. I'm especially wary of any time I've used an exclamation point on the margins of my bible. I'll read back a phrase that I've written with an exclamation point. I'm like, nope. Nope. I got way too excited. And I'd like it probably there was some connection three thoughts later Yeah. That I did not capture the track to.

And then now it's just just this, like, I don't know, eight year old's message into my Bible with an exclamation point going, and then the sun arose. I'm like, yes. And it did. Yeah. Teach is tough business. Okay. Dan, did you find your find a quote? I did. I did. Okay. Oh, it just went away. He's right here.

Once a child is over 11 years of age and they have been in the public school system, it is becoming harder and harder to disciple that child to uphold the countercultural teachings of Jesus. That was a context. I was just a guy at a conference talking to a preacher, and the preacher said, you know, it's just getting harder and harder to to truly

disciple people over 11 years old that are ingrained in the opposite worldview, basically, is what he's saying. There was no statistics. I mean, there wasn't, a survey. It wasn't a study. It was just a a guy's observation. Well, you know and and, Mike, I feel like you probably got the most experience with this, and so you can kinda speak to it. But, like, I do think it's fair to say that kids are I

don't know to say that they're actually growing up faster, but, they are we are putting more mature things into their mind earlier. Mhmm. And if I think by doing that, you do start to codify things that otherwise might have been shapeable.

And so, like, it it it almost presses kids to an answer sooner. Like like, you have to pick a side or you have to pick an understanding of the world and where it kinda felt like that was reserved for, say, sixteen, seventeen, 18, where, like, you finally separated from your from your your mama's beef beef broth there, and you gotta pick out your own brand of health. And so, like this is right. So

but, like, it feels like it is pushing younger and younger. And then so minds that don't have the ability to make all like, a deep deep thought and nuance are forced to make decisions a lot earlier in life, and then you have then pulling it back becomes difficult. That seems like it might be reasonable to me if your kids feel like they're having to grow up faster. Mhmm. Yeah.

Yeah. I think that's true. I I don't know. I've been thinking about this with a couple fellas actually that I've been interacting with and, like, you know, apart from some of the stuff that we talk about or that, you know, our meetings and youth group or whatever, they they have zero, you know, god background or anything. And I'm like, how how can I how can I begin to grow a relationship or, like, a a thing starting discussing it? And, like, it does feel like we're quite a ways in the hole, even at 12, 13, where I'm like, man, I just

I don't know, they're so ingrained in this thing that they believe to be true or some of these things that they believe to be true that it's I'm like, I even know how to have start having the conversation that says that's not actually correct except for that they see that I don't believe it and, like, start to question it on their own. You know what I'm saying? Like like, just broaching the subject right off right off the bat or broaching certain subject right off the bat seem really hard for them to take in. You know what I'm saying? Because it's it's immediately in conflict. We're in conflict already. Like, we don't even have a point for building a relationship on because we don't agree on anything. We don't agree on the role of, dudes and fathers, and we don't agree on the way that other people should be treated, and we don't we don't agree on the role of responsibilities and what it looks like to handle yourself well or with integrity. And so, like, we have zero starting point to try to build a relationship. And you're like, I mean, we could build a fence together, I guess, and then just see how the conversation goes. That's kind of some of the things I'm landing on. I'll take the things that I know that are true about God's

people say whether they currently walk with him or not and go, I mean, we'll just build with Aaron and see what comes out. Mhmm. Yeah. I don't know. Dan, what are your does that does that I mean, age seem right? Does the difficulty seem right? I mean, on one hand, yes. I mean, because but it's not I I wish he hadn't said public school because then it throws everybody into the public school thing. Yeah. Right. I think it's just culture. Culture

we live in a worldview that doesn't really acknowledge God. It's just one of many options, maybe even lower than other options. And so morality and ethics and just the way we live and make decisions and choices

exclude God. So you suddenly bring this mythical creature in called God, the the how they look at it. They're like, what? They just look at you weird. Like and so it it's it's whether they're 11 or 29, I think it's the same thing, really, in our culture right now. It's what the apostles faced in in the New Testament. You look

at them interacting with society in the book of Acts, and there were people who looked at them like, what are you talking about? Right. So I don't get too worried other than it is you have to be more intentional, I I'd say now, than than we were, say, fifteen years ago. You're just like, but throw a Sunday school program out there. That'd be fine. Obviously, they weren't.

Right. You know, we didn't do the job of truly discipling and and getting people ready. Some did. You know? Some stuck, but it's it's hard to put a program to to fit a generation into a program, and that's what we've always done. That's what we do. You know? Yeah. Churches make programs and try to get as many people through that as possible to be effective because there's less people discipling,

so so you're doing more. And so you cookie cut it rather than everybody discipling, like, you know, for a century. Right. It would be much more effective no matter what age they were or what the worldview is. So Right. And I think that maybe that goes to Mike's point is that, like Yeah. You in your attempt to to to introduce good news to kids

who have never met it before, you're not just introducing the notion of a god. You're rebuilding the world. Like, you're world building. You're you're having to to start to get kids to think through

what they believe to be true. Like, adult dudes are terrible. Dads dads in general suck. They're yellers. They're abusers. They're they they walk out. They don't care. You're you have to if that's their perspective of the world, like, there's a notion that starts to rebuild that so that they can believe the words that are coming out of people's mouths or believe that even it's like a a dad like that exists. And so

the same thing is true when if they can look at a world and and they've built everything is built upon a premise that doesn't require god to put god into there and say, not only is it, like, in addition to, but is the foundation of, you're you're unpacking a lot more than just is there a god or isn't there.

You're you're rebuilding a world. And so to Mike, to your point, like, building a fence with, with an adult male who seems to care about you and who is gonna ask you questions about the things that you're doing and doesn't allow you just to create your own world and spin it up and go, this is definitely the reality, and who's willing to kind of to to push around and help you form and shape what you're taking in, to create the boundaries that we said are are important as parents, that then gives you access to be able to talk to a thing. I I if it was if it was as easy as right arguments, logical arguments,

compelling discussion and truth, then this this would be a lot easier of a thing, but it's not. Like, if if if people are locked in at eleven, then it's gonna take some effort to this is where deconstruction is awesome. Let's deconstruct the worldview that missed Jesus and and try to help someone rebuild it with that as a context. Yeah. And then that is totally valuable. My daughter's working with a friend of hers right now who

has absolutely zero idea about Christianity. Zero. I mean, just none. Mhmm. And and there's just they have weekly conversations and studies and, you know, I mean, and and she just is my my daughter's amazed at how little I mean, it's it's about everything. Yeah. They had a conversation about dating recently. Like, there's a guy she's not really dating, and he's he's a Christian. And and he was kinda being like, I don't want you around other guys. And and she's like, that just seemed weird. Is this what is this what Christians do? And but I was like, well, not really. You're not even dating. You know what I mean? Right.

So but but she's trying to process what what does a Christian even look like? I mean, I think I wanna be one, but I don't even know what that is, and and some stuff's weird. You know? Well, you're getting because some of us are weird. You know? I mean Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We're not doing any favors with this this stuff. Yeah. But it should but, I mean, like, I I would never have imagined in America when I was her age looking forward thinking that would be the culture I live in. Right. I would think you'd have to go to the mission field to experience something like that. You know?

But it's like it there there are people who literally have zero idea or even worse, a negative idea. If you turn on the news day, there were people actually saying that be careful of Christians. They're probably going to get violent in the Roe versus Wade

protests. What? I I mean, I'm like, who? What? What? You know? I mean, so they're getting, like, false information Yeah. About what Christians are and how they believe in things. And and so so yeah.

And and how would you how would you know that's true or not if you don't know anything about it? Right. Right. I read this I read this article, and it was about calls for a guy who worked for the New York Times in the thirties. And and he was based in Moscow.

And he won a a pool Pulitzer, for his reporting out of Moscow, and it was it was it was there are calls for for the New York Times to, like, guy's dead. He's been dead for forty years, fifth sixty years, to, like, give it back. Because

what they found was is that some of his most compelling writing and all the work that he did in Moscow was, fall, bent towards the the communist and

was, like, speaking lightly of things that were atrocious and, you know, heavily quoting all these all these Russian leaders trying to, make the the government look good. And they they didn't believe that he was a communist sympathizer.

It was just it's what by doing so, they were these politicians and rulers in Russia were willing to meet with him so he could get the interviews. It was good for his career. And so what was interesting, and I I just had not I just hadn't thought of it, I guess, is that in the nineteen thirties, one guy largely controlled the narrative

of what was happening in Russia. The the the guy who was on the ground for with the nation's largest newspaper because they could afford to have a guy who was on salary working in Russia. Right? You didn't have, you know, the the blogs, you didn't have the Internet to have, like, people's voices and competing news services that could then broadcast out into the into the rest of the world. This was the trusted guy. And so the reality was is America's view of what was going on in the nineteen thirties what they were dismissive. The reason this is coming up is because, millions of Ukrainians died under Stalin

and that that regime. And the the guy's description of it was not even close to that. Like, it made it sound like there were some, you know, hectic, Ukrainian dissidents. And, of course, if there's trouble, you gotta put down trouble when you're trying to create a new path for life.

And so what it caused me to think of though is, like, how much power is in the hands of, like, a voice or two major voices that then shape what people think, and you do not know whether it's true. You don't have any idea. I can go look in any mall in The United States and someone's selling a bible, and the contents of that bible are gonna be the same as the contents in the bible at the store across the way and the city across the across the the county there and then the state and across the world. I'm gonna be we're gonna agree largely, translation issues aside, this is the contents of things that of a history and things that God has spoken and did within the earth.

And so you have a much stronger pool, but think of what how much risk there is in what people think about Christianity, not because they've looked into it, but because there was a voice somewhere who said something

that they they heard and said, well, they must they would know or they must know or maybe that's right. Mhmm. And there was no competing narrative. And then the the rest of the stuff they saw just happened to affirm it. What does it take? It takes like, if you thought Christianity was screwed up and then you see Jim Baker and you're like, well, that's what I thought. And there are a million churches functioning just fine without The United throughout The United States. And then then somebody got embezzled in Ohio, and you're like, yep. That's what I thought. Christians are corrupt. And your neighbor who was supposed to be a Christian, you know, kicked your dog, like, whatever. And so it's it's just,

a lot of the stuff is just not in informed. It's not and you'd be surprised how many people, like, believe things without any particular foundation to it. It's just the thing that they heard last. Well, I mean, think about it, like, on on the violence thing.

If someone if I knew nothing about Christianity and the news guy in a respected, you assume, media said, boy, these Christians could be violent. Actually, it was a montage of several of them across multiple stations.

And then you looked at the social media posts of most of the Christians, you know, it's like you might think, well, that could they seem kinda violent. I could see that. Yeah. They seem kinda angry. If I was that angry, I'd probably blow something up too. You know? And and so, yeah, it plays through your mind and you start we're actually by our pretty negative actions

confirming what's being planted in in their minds. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Alright. Anyway, so I suppose So what wait. What's the what's the rectification? How do we stay how do we stay out of this? Is it like, what was one of the takeaways? One of them recognize that where people are caught beliefs are codified. One, it may not be based upon much. We've talked about that before. Don't presume that people come to the what they believe through extensive research.

Oftentimes, it's just something they heard. And and frankly, you could say that same thing on the other side. People who grew up in the church, they didn't look into it. The people around them believed it. Their parents said it was fine. They showed up at the church because they were forced to go, and then, like, their their faith was as much as they'd heard until it gets tried. And then when it gets tried and tested and there wasn't anything underneath it, just the presumption that, oh, well, that's what someone said, And then it will fail them, not because Jesus failed them, but because they weren't believing in something that they actually spent time connecting with. They were borrowing it from people around them. Well, dare we mention something like, say, the rapture? Oh, right. That is, you know, people will fight tooth and nail about their view of the rapture that the scripture doesn't mention. That's right. You know? That's right. And you can actually trace back a couple hundred years to see where it all was created, you know, by some gal who was talking to demons. So, you know, go ahead and study. Study. What does the bible say about it? Yeah. Yeah. And I don't think it's like I this isn't saying, look. To to to be to have a firm foundation,

you've got to be a professor in, you know, Old Testament theology. Like Right. I I what I'm saying is is is is you owned it. You owned your worldview. When someone said, why do you believe that? The Christian would say, well, I I have I have a reason behind my why I believe what I believe. I can give an answer. But like most most people, Christian or otherwise, often lack a reason for why they believe what they believe except for their circumstances dictated.

And and that, that presents risks because when those things are tried, they will crumble. Now on the positive note, if you spend time world building with people, if the belief was shallow and came to through those means of the atheistic belief, there's an opportunity for it to to crumble and be rebuilt upon a firmer foundation. So I think those opportunities do exist just like they're a risk in the church by and it's the thing I'm always real cautious of when it comes to kids that we just don't pass them along

a handout faith. Mhmm. And so, like, it's something that they have to own, and they have to to to wrestle with a bit and ask good questions of God because that causes you to go one step deeper, but then you owned that. It's not mine. It becomes yours. And and in all its fallibilities and and wherever it lacks knowledge, I'm not so much concerned about that. It's just that you it became yours. And I think that makes all the difference. You've been listening to live from the Path. Thanks so much for hanging out with us so far tonight. If you got comments for us on the show, complaints would be our assumption. You can give us a call or a text message at (515) 517-0085. That's (515) 517-0085.

We'd love to hear from you on the Bob Eisenhower Life From The Path complaint line, and, you can share your feedback for us. Tell us where we're wrong. Tell us where we are right. And, also, if you, are listening to Life From The Path through one of your favorite podcast apps or, frankly, one that you don't care much for, either way, if you could leave us a review, we'd be super jazzed about that. It just gives us a sense that people are listening to the show. I I get podcast stats that tell me people listen to the show, but they're not believable, to be honest. Like, there's more people listening than I would presume, and I think there's just one guy cycling through Yeah. And just refreshing the page. Heavy on the rotates. Yeah. Or he starts it up and goes, ah, it's terrible. Then he forgets the next day and fires it up again and goes, ah, it's terrible. But I got two views out of that guy. And so it's not believable. But but if you could do a review or whatever or send us something on a complaint line, that would be good. It it gives us the tickles. Yeah. You wanna do some advice? Tickle me, Ben. Tickle. Tickle. Talk to me. Yeah. Let's do let's do some advice. Okay. Ready? We're gonna come back to the trends of the evangelical church next week. Okay. Ready? Okay. Dear life from the path.

My fiance, Rowan, and I are getting married this year. It is my second marriage and his first. Rowan has a young son, I'll call him, quote, Sean, from a previous relationship. I have a good relationship with Sean and expressed to Rowan that I'd love to include Sean on our honeymoon so we can have a proper first family vacation. Rowan's custody agreement states that no unmarried parties may live together when their child is present in the home.

Rowan was enthusiastic about it since I'll finally be able to have a proper bonding time with Sean in a home overnight environment. But when I bring this up with anyone else, they say I'm selfish for wanting to play, quote, mom and include my soon to be stepson on a vacation that's supposed to be for just me and my fiance. We want to share this time with his son and have a fun family vacation. Are we doing the wrong thing? Should we leave Sean out? Why, with so many different family dynamics, is wanting to include Rowan's son regarded as selfish? I'm a restate the problem as I understand it. Okay. You, as the lady, are try are gonna marry this dude. Mhmm. Yep. You are excited because you can you would like to take the son

to share in your the honeymoon experience, the trip as a family. Yeah. And the husband says, yeah. This sounds great. Yeah. I mean, I'm what's the rest of the like Yeah. Other people say, how dare you? That's what was that? Number six on the list? I'm selfish for wanting to play mom and include myself. To who? If the husband is for it, he's the only guy who would be like, maybe we shouldn't bring a kid on this experience. Yeah. But, like, if he's alright with it,

like That sounds trick. Who else cares? Yeah. I mean, does it matter? Really, the question is is, like, if she if she's asking, do I appear selfish to other people? Well, apparently. Why do you care about what they have to say? They don't gotta live at your place. They ain't your stepson. They ain't your husband. Yeah. Like, I mean, I don't know what kind of cackling hen friends you got, but, like, I'd stop asking them because this is not good counsel. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like you're on a strong footing here. Like, you had the opportunity to act as if he didn't have a son and go on vacation

or honeymoon without him. And instead, you said, this is the way our family's gonna operate. Let's bring the boy. And you've already I mean, it's your second marriage, you know, so, like, yeah, I think you're making these sound like great selfless ideas. Yeah. I don't understand. Well, yeah. Seems like one of the most open and shut cases we've had in a while. Yeah. Yeah. And maybe get some new friends. These are not these are not this is not wise counsel. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know who told you this, but, like I I mean, honestly, this is almost a relationship killer to me. Like, this is whole I don't know what I don't know what kind of back alley you came out with this advice, but it's just it's not good. It's it's not good at all. Do you think never. Well, never mind.

Never mind. That's wrong. K. Sekular says, you and Rowan should listen to your hearts instead of listening to unsolicited advice. Want you to include Sean on the trip as the opposite selfish, and as you and your fiance's privilege to decide. Yeah. Agreed. Yeah. Yeah. Good hear. Slam dunk. So here's more family and fighting. Ready? Yeah. You're laughing the path. My husband's daughter has decided that her children should not call me grandma because I'm not their biological grandmother. Yeah. That's right. My husband's daughter. Okay. Got it. She says her mother is their grandma, not me, even though her father and I have been together since before the birth of her children. Yeah. Eight years later, she told them not to call me grandma. I'm so hurt about it. I can no longer bring myself to go over to their house. Please tell me how I can deal with being so blatantly disrespected by my husband's daughter. I seem to be good only for birthday presents and Christmas gifts. Yeah.

You're like the person that wants to sing backup worship music on the stage. Like, you don't you don't play wanna play the role of the grandma. You want the prestige of the name grandma. Now no one's gonna disagree that, like, if if things were on the up and up here, I don't feel like she'd be playing this card. Something else going on. That's right. Either she's vindictive and mean or you are, and and I don't know. Like, your relationship obviously is terrible. So I I I think you should probably if if you wanna spend any time on this, I'd probably get the root of why your relationship

with your husband's daughter is so poor. Yeah. Obviously, she has other grandmas. Right? Like Mhmm. If if if if she's not your biological daughter, that means she has a mom and that's a grandma to her kids, also a dad that's a grandma to her heads. And now you're like the step grandma or something? I don't think the dad could be the grandma. Sorry. I don't think that's not how it works. The dad, that's the grandpa. The the kid's got a set of grandparents. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You've married later in life, then the kids already have a set of grandparents. You're like the step grandparents. Yeah. And so, I mean

Let's try some new names. Yeah. Try try to mama or to yeah. Or to mammy. Graham Graham. Yeah. Graham Graham. There's lots of options here. We we we had this in our in our family with both my wife and my parents were divorced, and everybody got remarried but my mom, so there was quite a mixture of of people out there.

And it wasn't a we did not intend it as a disrespect. We just tried to keep the blood relatives for grandma, grandpa, and the others were were very much loved, and they loved our children, and our children loved them. And then we didn't we didn't care. We didn't care what they call them. But, like, when we referred to them, it was always like, well, grandpa or by first name, the other the the spouse. Yeah. Not in even in a disrespectful way. But we just wanted to distinguish there is a legitimate actual bloodline in you,

and they all love you. So I under I understand both sides. I understand the hurt that she would have wanting to be the grandma, but at the same time, let let let you know, you're not. You're just not. I mean, how is that different than, like

like, adoptions or step I I suppose, step parents too. Mhmm. Like, I I guess I'd I know because it could go either like, I would just leave it to the kid's discretion. If they feel, like, comfortable doing it, great. If not I mean, the kids are, five. You don't let them make those kind of decisions. Sure. Because it doesn't matter. I suppose. What does it matter? I tell you what, man. My my grandson,

the first time, like, in the last week or two, called me papa. Yeah. And, like, there everybody was like, we don't we've no one's ever called me that. Like, right? I mean, he this is how he processes grandpa. And I was like, I don't care what you call me, dude. You know? That shit was just cool that he had something. He had more than, you know? He's just that that age is starting to get words. Yeah. And, man, that just melted my heart. Mean and I'm and I'm his blood grandfather. I mean, I I don't I don't care what he calls me. He can call me Spoonhead,

and I'd be like, oh, that's that's my son. Would be fantastic. He went to babbling too, Spoonhead. I heard you were butter in the metaverse. That's right. Hey, butter boy. It just really sounds like there's a there's there's, like, more backstory to this. Right? Like Yeah. You know, like, maybe maybe her dad

cheated on her mom, and now he's remarried later in life. And, like, the daughter's like, woah. You're not grandma. Yeah. You know what saying? So, like, they're just I'm not saying that's the truth, but, like, there just seems like there's more to this because Ben's right. Like, they're ancillary names. Mhmm. And so you're like, whatever. I don't really care. But, like, obviously, you're not in a grandma relationship with some. Right? There's there's just something off here. And so, like, I think you probably get to the bottom of that before we get to the bottom of Yeah. You know, I actually I might defend that if I there was someone who was, like, trying to it's so weird to be, like, to take the prestige of grandma, but, like, if they were trying to posture, but, like, they weren't. They just stunk.

And like the blood relative still gets to be called grandma just because they're blood relative. But like I don't have to hand out and allow this title on my kids to say, hey, call me grandma. You're not you're not acting like a grandma. You're hoarding in here. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's I think it's alright. I don't think it's like a black and white thing. I think you can go either way with it. But, like, I I agree with Mike. It sounds like we're talking about when a bird crapped on someone's car when the car didn't have an engine. Something else is going on Yeah. Of which this is peripheral to it. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Secular says, I subscribe to the philosophy that the more love there is in this world, the better. I would take it a step further and add that the more loving grandparents are in a child's life, the better. Your stepdaughter's announcement to the children at this late date that you are not their grandmother seems spiteful and hurtful. Yeah. Unless you bestowed honorarily the title to yourself Yeah. Then it is not. Then she's just clearing up a misunderstanding. That said, there's nothing positive to be gained by shunning the children if you love them. When they call you, what they call you is less important than the relationship you have with them. If you continue staying away as you've been doing, you will only drive a deeper wedge between you. Yeah. So I I gave was talking to someone this week, and

it was around not having the relationships that you want right now. And there's a selflessness in it to say for whatever reason I'm being restricted from having the type of relationship I want.

But like if it's important to you then wait it out. If this maybe you're a maybe you're a dad and the situation you have with the the mom is not a good one and you're not allowed to see your kid or something as often as you'd like or in the situations that you'd like. Like that kid's gonna grow up. They still deserve a dad. You're gonna have to wait it out. In fact I've read a number of stories where that that kind of thing has happened and like the mom just trashed the dad all over the place and you know eventually the kid goes and finds the dad and said like why why didn't you love me? Why didn't you visit me? Why didn't you blah blah blah? And the dad was at least in a position where he said I would have been there every day but like I was held back. I prayed for you. I wrote you letters. I blah blah blah. Like, whatever. Like, you're bound in ways that you wish you weren't bound.

But, like, either either at its core, you're this person and you're this role in their lives or you're not. And so can you act like a dad even if you don't get all the benefits of a dad? If that then if if that's true, then you then you're still the dad. And you're at that's that's the responsibility that I would say, grandma, if if you can act like a grandma would take on all the responsibilities of grandma with none of the accolades or names that may come along with it, then you know what? The kids will eventually figure out that you're deserving of the title. And they might say it despite their mom because they recognize that their mom was overreacting. Like, when they're old enough to know the difference is when you want them to recognize the difference. Mhmm. And so I would say if if she needs to get over it if she's all causing the problem here. If she's like a total saint in this equation, then remain so. Continue doing your best. I would take every opportunity to act like a grandma should, and then, those kids will they'll figure it out eventually.

Yeah. The thing about parenting and even grandparenting is it's not a quid pro quo relationship. Mhmm. Like, the parenting and the grandparenting, you're on the giving end of things most of the time, you know, because you've took on a responsibility, you know, and and most people see it as an honor.

And and but, like, it's not you treat me this way or I will not treat you in a grandmotherly way. You are a grandmother or you're playing the role or you're in the role of being a grandmother and you don't get to take that away based on whether you don't feel like they're treating you in a certain way, I guess. I mean, it's your it's it's the classic where you're saying you're letting other people determine your actions. Right? Like, if if you're bound to be a good grandma, then whether they accept it or not, then you continue to be a good grandma. Yeah. Right? You do just like Ben said, you do all the grandma things. So yeah. I yeah. You gotta let some of that stuff go. Okay. Last one. Ready? Dear life from the path. I renovated and moved into my girlfriend's house a year ago to the tune of $80,000.

We've been together twelve years and agreed that although neither of one neither of us wants to remarry, we should stop paying two mortgages because we are near retirement should save money. She has an old cat that is peeing all over the house. She says, what do you want me to do about it? I'm asking her to help me figure something out, but after more than a year of dealing with her cat peeing on everything from my children's beds to the carpets, nothing has changed. What can I say to get through to her that this is ruining our home and potentially getting people sick? I can't have guests over because of the smell. Holy cow. You didn't see this coming before you married before you moved in with this woman?

I mean, she didn't smell like Catwiz all the time. I mean Right? I mean, surely he was over there before when he renovated the house. I assume you took a swim through the place before you decided you were gonna put your family in there or whatever. And then let's say that that didn't happen. You moved in together, all of sudden, cat becomes ill. Old cat, you've said. And he's spraying the place. Yeah. I mean, it's time to put the cat down. That's the right answer. But she ain't having it. She's not in the and doesn't have the heart for it. So what's the man do? That's his question. What am I supposed to do about that? Patient, my friend. The cat's gonna be gone soon enough. He's gonna have to wait it out. Wait it out like a pastor, Dan says. Cycle. I mean, cats hold on forever.

And they can. Did he say how old it was? Just said old. Yeah. Even when they look old, they could have another ten years of them. Yeah. I mean, you're right. He he should have known all this, and he jumped, and maybe he should move out. Yeah. You gotta can't just tell her to kill her cat because Right. I live here now. It's like, well, the cat lived here first. Your time for parsing these options was before. You gotta do your due diligence. Yeah. Now here's the thing. It's like, have you offered to, like, buy 15 litter boxes

and, like I mean, just pepper the joint, being like, we gotta do something. Or say, hey. Can we build a cat room? Can we can we get sectioned off and say, hey. You can live out the rest of your days just spraying it up in here. Like like, have you tried to come up with some compromise? Mhmm. Even if it sounds ridiculous. Like its own chamber to whiz everywhere it wants to. That's your proposition? Yeah. I mean We allocate a bed. She's not gonna let you get rid of it. And and your option is to either let it pee everywhere or go, we're gonna set up a a a peeking space. Yeah. You know what? If you offered that, if you said, hey. We could set up the pee room, and she protested because she's like, well, I don't wanna go in there, I have to go visit it in the pee room. It's like, exactly. Like, doesn't it drive home the point of that you seem to have trouble getting? I feel like big pee room right now. She would be more likely to go, but but he's used to roaming the house in freedom. I don't wanna pin him up. Well, I mean Let him roam outside. Yeah. Here's the outside cat now. If if if I took the tactic said, I'm no longer gonna use the toilet,

I'm just gonna, one, number one, wherever I want, you would you would have to reign that in somehow. Ash, maybe that's what you should you should do. If the cat gets to do it, I get to do it. You start peeing all over the Yeah. To say it's ridiculous. Like, it is, isn't it? Yeah. So say, why is this like, you'll go, why is this a problem? She goes, because it smells like whiz. Well, okay then. It it is odd that this is conversation is going so poorly. Granted, like, the cat probably existed before you. Well, you've been dating it twelve years. Twelve years? How old is this cat? Yeah. Did it exist before you? Because it's gotta be I mean, a long living cat is is 15. Yeah. Sixth thing. I was gonna say, can't be much time left. Yeah. Yeah. Just try keep try to start scaring it or something. Like, jump out of the closet. I mean, the thing is is, like, if you can't resolve this type of issue, another pee and cat's just gonna show up. Right? The pee and cat situation is a grander problem

where you're like, we can't come to terms on this thing. And so, like, after the cat dies and you think all your woes are gone, the next the next dying cat is gonna show up, but it's gonna be different, a different situation. Has he been married before? It doesn't say. I bet this is one of those rebound old fellas whose wife died or something, and then he just hopped right into it, didn't do any evaluation of it. They dated for a while, though. Twelve years. I mean We've been together for twelve years.

And neither of us wants to remarry, so apparently they both Oh, oh, okay. So I missed that part. Okay. Yeah. Remarriage. Yeah. So he did have someone leave or die or something. Yeah. And he was probably dating her during. Yeah. And it cost him $80 to move in. I don't know what that side panel's about. Really, the thing is is, you His butt hurt about that $80. Yeah. You didn't pay $80 to move into some whiz infested cat mansion. Yeah. I actually, to that point, like, twelve years you saw let's ignore the cat. No behavior that gave you the indication that she's unreasonable?

Because that's really the problem. A peeing cat is a peeing cat. But, like, if you've attached yourself to a woman who goes, a peeing cat all over the place is not a problem. Like, that's the issue. You have an unreasonable person in here. Yeah. And so, like, this did not show up at all in twelve years worth of specking the place out? I mean, are you are you going about this in a good loving kinda way, or are you being some kind of turd about it? Like, if her answer is, what do you want me to do about it? Then and and and it sounds almost that you you said you need to do something about this cat peeing all over the place instead of, love, I I this cat Our cat's in rough shape. It's on its way out. Yeah. What do you wanna do? I think we can get it its own special room, but, like, obviously, we can't have it tearing the place up, and it's it's in pain. It's not doing it's not quality of life is done. Do you want me to take it in? Do you want me to go with you? How can I help? Bedroom, gun, or shovel? What you wanna do about it? Yeah. Yeah. Do that. Say pick pick one of these hands, and one is bedroom gun and the other one's shovel. I bet this guy's a real doofus. Does it sound like he's the doofus? Yeah. Because, like, I bet he walked into the house, and he's like, man, it really smells like cat whiz in here. Let me fix the place up for you. And he spends 80 k, you know, fixing it up, and the cat keeps whizzing. And he says, how did this happen? Right. I thought this game would stop you from Yeah. Like, how could we let a cat tear this up? And, like, it probably looked that nice before the cat got in there and tore it up.

He's a real dummy. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe he had his eyes wide shut on this one. He's like, everything will be fine. Yeah. Yeah. I he's he bought the he bought the the the Pontiac. He's gonna have to drive I see he should've taken he should've taken this into consideration. Whatever you do, don't kill the cat without her foreknowledge. Don't think you're gonna, like, run it over or something because, like, this is this She's gonna catch on to that. Yeah. Yep. Don't do don't do that. Don't scheme. Right? You need to hit this thing head on with some honesty. Yeah. Yeah. No. I I would say just hold your money. Don't do make any improvements until the cat dies. And then, frankly, I this could be if you're not gonna get married, I mean, if and you're not gonna move out, like, could you consider therapy?

Can you talk through this with a third party? Yeah. Couples therapy. Someone who could just go, hey, man. Let's look. We're I I think I'm totally right, and she thinks she's totally right, and we just need to sort this out. And if you can I and try three therapists if you have to? If you go to three places and nobody sides with Catwiz, like, and she refused to back down, then you cut your losses and go. You're not resolving this. You have thirty years of your life left. Don't don't waste it here. Yeah. Don't do this. I I think I think I should go to a Baptist church and talk to the pastor. Yeah. Don't like to go to keep the Baptist busy.

Alright. Segular says, you and your girlfriend should discuss this with the cat's veterinarian to find out if the animal's behavior is age related and can't be controlled or a behavioral problem that can be corrected. Please don't wait to do it. You have my sympathy. Yeah. I don't know, man. I don't know if this is gonna work out. Behavior. A cat sounds like a cat getting old. That's what it sounds like to me. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I suppose if you wanna run run it up by the vet for an opinion, I mean, what's gonna cost you? $250? At least get a vet to go, yeah, man. This thing's dying. What about ticket what about a diaper? Do you do they make cat diapers?

I'm sure they do. Put a diaper on it, I Yeah. They say, look. You can keep the cat. No problem, but it's gonna have to wear something. Yeah. Yeah. I tell you what, man. We we had a dog that needed to go down, and I had none of us recognized it until actually, I read an article that a vet had, like, had emailed out randomly, and I thought, oh, woah. My dog has all this stuff going on, and she's, like, past I think she's, woah, she has Alzheimer's, and and and she just was, you know, weird. We were just getting mad at her. You know? Yeah. And then we took her to the vet, and she's like, yeah. You know what? It's time. And then that that's gotta maybe maybe the girl doesn't even know. Maybe it really is time. Yeah. But that had I bet had to tell me. I wasn't you know? And I and I didn't really like the dog. Right. It was still

it was still our dog. Right. Know? It's hard to take him into it. Absolutely. So, yeah, it was tough. That that bad day. Alright. Well, you're listening to live from the path. Thanks for hanging out with us tonight. And, just a reminder on that, live from the path complaint line, (515) 517-0085.

If you're offended by Nathaniel's gun, shovel, or bedroom option, you can (515) 517-0085. That's call or text, and give him a piece of your mind. He's not gonna change his ways unless he gets some good feedback to kinda shape and and shift him into the man he really should be. And so we're open to that. We'd love to hear from you on the live from Pathway Complete line. We do intend to be here next week, I believe. So be in the meantime, be faithful in the means. God will hand to the ends. You've been listening to insurance. It's easier to protect your fam