Live from the Pathway Studios in Johnston proper. You are

live from the path. And you're listening to Live From The Path. We're coming to you from the Pathway Studios here in Junction, New York. My name is Ben Lewis. It's good to be with you this evening. Hi, Ben. Hey. How's going? Good. Yourself? I'm doing alright. Hey. Hey. Here's what got going on the show tonight. So

last last week, we were talking about the Hobby Lobby stuff. Okay? And I said I was gonna I was gonna think on it for a week as to where I would fall to the question that if I were a business owner and you had to provide this, or the law came down that you had to provide these abortificents or whatever, like,

what would you do? And the three options were you would get out completely, you would fight it till the end, and go bankrupt trying to to not have to provide these, or just go ahead and provide them because that's that's where the court landed. So I I I've been thinking about that this week, and I I I think I have I think I have my answer. So I'll give that here in a little bit on the show. And I don't well, that was a long conversation, so we're not gonna get into a broad one, but I said I would think about it and come back a little bit after some thought, and I and I have. So I have that, and I'll provide that. Also, we got three we got three rounds of what's happening. Dan, what's happening in the world? What are gonna talk about today? Well, tell you what, there's a man who captures a couple women on video stealing everything he owns at a beach. Did you see that? I saw that. Yes. Okay. We have a newspaper headline referring to President Obama using the n word,

and we have a mom who's battling Facebook over her child's picture she put up that was like a Coppertone old ad with a little bit of the rear end showing, and they they they flagged

it as pornography. Okay. That seems good. Okay. We'll hit those. Also, Buva's got here's the deal. Buva had something to say, but he said it doesn't qualify as advice. So we're starting a new segment on the show tonight, and it's This Happened To Me starring John Buva the third. And so there's something that happened to Buva's life. He's gonna share it with you, and we're gonna get in on that. Also, I I I found this article or we the last thing we talked about on the podcast last week was the marriage tip of the month.

And and I I wanted to walk through it with you fellows and see if you had had some thoughts as to whether this it was a a tip to the ladies on on how to treat the man. And I think I like it already. Well, yeah. I I wanna see whether we feel like it is helpful advice. It could be helpful. Could be not. I don't know if it's a personality deal with the fellas or what. But anyway, that's we're gonna walk through that. And also, we got some advice on dear life and the path. Hey. Before we any further, just a real quick shout out to our two sponsors, Westfield Veterinary Hospital here in Johnson. Go to westfieldvethospital.com. And Bob Eisen Eisenlower with the Eisenlower team. Go to eisenlowerteam.com, and he'll help you with any any buying or selling of houses that you may need done this week or in the near future. Bob's your man, and Westfield is a great place to take your pets. They'll keep an eye out for your pet and your pocketbook to the best of both worlds. So check them out westfield.hospital.com.

And even if you don't need either of their services, make sure you give them a phone call, knock on the door, send an email, or just push them over in the street and say, hey, thanks for sponsoring life in the path. We appreciate you listening to that. And we appreciate you giving your time and dollars to make sure that continues. So thanks a lot for that to to those guys. Alright. Let's alright. Let's figure out what's going on in the world, Dan. What's what's happening? Alright. Alright. We'll start with the the mom battles Facebook over child's Coppertone pose. Mother was temporarily banned from Facebook after she posted a photo of her two year old daughter's exposed buttocks

in what she claims was an innocent recreation of the famous copper tone girl pose from 1953, which predates all of us in this room. I bet it was a puppy pulling on the the rear end of, you know, she probably you've probably seen it. Yep. Yep. So Facebook removed the photo of her daughter, banned her from the site for twenty four hours posting after she post the picture on Coppertone's

official Facebook page, Coppertone didn't take it down, but Facebook flagged it. K. And anyway, mom said I was completely shocked and outraged. There's nothing sexual about it. It's sweet. K? Here's the question. K. Is there any nudity, art, photography, statues, whatever, etcetera, that can be considered nonsexual?

K. A, that's ridiculous. There is nothing sexual about children or art. B, you can't be too careful. Nudity in any form is sexual to somebody. Or c, you said buttocks.

Bubba, you're up first on that one. Okay. I wish I could say a. I I really do, but I I'm leaning towards b. I think that that especially with social media and stuff like this, and the way that things can leak so easily, and the way that things can get out of hand so easily, it's it's

it's bad. But I think the society we live in today, I'm leaning towards be. There's it's it's gonna be either offensive or sexual to somebody. And you can do your best job as you possibly can to to eliminate that situation and to keep it under wraps by, you know, having your profile private. I mean, all the different stuff when it comes to Facebook, but ultimately there's a chance that it could be sexual to somebody. That's Surreal law, basically. You're with cover it all up. Never show anything.

No. Okay. So help me with your distinction. So I I think that like, I'm not saying that you have to to completely cover yourself and all you can see is eyes of anyone. But,

legitimately, the the the girl's buttocks was showing. So, obviously, that that's a little bit further than just having, you know, your arms showing or having a tank top on. Dan's Dan's general premise was nudity. His general premise well, it wasn't that specifically. It was it was just in general nudity. Yes. Okay. So how what makes that not Sharia law? What makes that not don't show don't show anything?

I guess the specific parts. Yeah. Where where do you where you drove? Yeah. Exactly. I'm trying to be I yeah. I don't know. Have you not been on the Internet? There's shoulder guys. There's ear fellas. I mean, like, it there's there's pervs in every you you pick a part. There's a perv for it. That's true. Well, I I so I I guess my distinction is the normal nudity. The

normal deviant person. I know. The normal concepts of nudity. The pervs that are open I mean, private what you would call a normal private area. What are those I don't think shoulders and elbows are normal private Wait minute. So, like, that's a that's a cultural pervy thing. Yeah. Yeah. I you know, like, what it's more those are more pervy to us because those are the things that are actually covered in our society. You see a shoulder in Saudi Arabia, you got yourself something. That's a valid point. Okay. So in the society that I live in, culturally where I am Okay.

The nudity that we would consider, you know, a woman's breasts and and genitals and and buttocks are the same for a man, the genitals and buttocks and stuff like that. Why are you saying genitals and buttocks? Because I'm trying to say this in a way that's not gonna be creepy. Got it. It makes me weird when you say that. Worry about. You go exactly what I'm talking about. So I'm not gonna keep saying it. So I I think that this what we would consider to be sexual parts. Uh-huh. Need to be covered. Especially on social media. Uh-huh. You're right. Saudi Arabia's shoulders would be a little bit crazy, but here we are.

I think you're undermessing me the amount of pervs who would just pick a random part. But I'm with you. Gonna hear you I say agree, but I don't think we need to go to the extreme of of having just a black background as our as a picture that we we share. We should be able to show pictures. That's the concept of social media. Keeping up on someone seeing status and seeing what they're doing, taking pictures of their kids and stuff like that. I think that if it's that kind of excessive nudity where you can legitimately see the the butt of a little girl, someone could very easily turn that into into something bad. And I think that someone had to flag that. Hold on. Hold on. I'm I'm so I'm trying to I'm trying to buoy your distinction here. Because the first half of what you're saying is is that we can't really be held there's all matter of perversion. Right? So we can't reasonably be restricted by every manner just because someone's gonna take it and be perverted with it.

K. But you're also saying, hey, even though it's not sexual and it's making, let's say, Coppertone ad, of which, like, we sold in stores, I might add. I Yes. Like, pretty broadly within the last thirty years. But because some purvo is gonna use that, that shouldn't be allowed. It seems like you're making the same argument on both sides. I I would not put my daughter's picture on Facebook Yeah. With a very clear view of a Of a butt crease? Yes. At least halfway down. Yeah. I'm trying I'm trying to correlate it to what I would do, which is is ultimately where I'm coming from, which is I would not do that.

Okay. So so just to make sure that we're that we're not answering two different questions. Dan's broad question had to do with nudity. Right. Now it wasn't at that, like, the the the premise Nudity in general. Yeah. I get that. Yes. Alright. So So I'm sticking with answer b. That you shouldn't show it at all. Yeah. Yeah. I you you have you made no case to me as to how that's not Sharia. Okay. Fine. Maybe it is. There you go. But but that and and that's what you're in with. Yeah. I'm gonna I'm just basic godliness, though? I mean, why would you show why would you I'm a strong bee. I mean, I'm I'm yeah.

I I think they even I'm I'm uncomfortable with some stuff that they call art. Maybe I'm just a barbarian or something. I'm like A prude is the word. A prude. Whatever whatever it is. You know, there's a 1,500 gal laying on the couch with her boob hanging out. I was like, I don't need to see that. You know, I why why did you why didn't you just cover that up, mister painter? I mean, I don't need to see that. I do I mean, do you do you have troubles lusting after that kind of thing? Is that what you're saying? I I it it gets the mind rolling. It's a temptation for you? Yeah. I mean, I don't like who? I'd like to meet that girl. She's, you know, dust now. But, I mean, you know, it's not like that. But it's like it gets the you know, it doesn't take much to get the old mind rolling. Dan, I'm glad you don't look at paintings and go, I bet she was out five hundred years ago. Because that'd be that'd be worse than my genitals. I was five hundred years younger and I wasn't married.

Ugh. It's gross. Ben, what's your answer? Okay. So you're you're both in a strong beat. I'm a strong beat. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't I actually I'm not gonna come down firm on either one of those. I actually think it is it is a I'm I'm not oppose I don't really have a problem with with art that has nudity in it. I just I don't know that I really have a have an issue with it. So I think it's awkward, like, down downtown. They have this the lady getting the lady getting out of the bathtub with her boob hanging down. I was like, really? Really? I mean, why? Why? Yes. I mean, here's the deal. I've walked by that a 100 times. I I mean, I know it's there. I I don't know that I've ever had any issue with it. Hey, I mean, that doesn't, like, get me flying or anything. But I mean, just like I I I mean, you can question as to whether it's appropriate art. But I mean, there's a lot of things that I'm like, that people create artistically. I'm like, I don't know that I really need to see that. I mean, you could say the same thing for horror movies. Yeah. Don't want make Almost in fact, almost all art. Right? Like, could chuck all horror movies. You could chuck almost all romantic comedies. Because you see, art is a license to do pretty much anything you want that's deviant and go, hey, it's art. Art. No. No. That that's a per that's that's a perverted use of it. That like, on its on its own, art in and of itself

isn't that. Because that's isn't a license to be deviant. That people do deviant Yeah. Yeah. That some people do deviate things with it Yeah. Doesn't mean that the basic nature of art itself is deviant. Correct. Yeah. So it's it's a it's a perversion of of something that otherwise we might be able to enjoy, that people have used for perversion. I might say the same thing about a Polaroid.

You know, you know, because people do pervy things with Polaroid cameras or your cell phone camera. Like, you're saying that you've taken guns don't kill people, people do. Right. You've taken something that's and people do pervy things with it. And like, I don't know if that should disqualify the the basic nature of it. Secondly, I there's all matter of perversion. I don't know I I I do not think it makes sense to chase the perv and try to hot and do absolutely everything you can

And have to have to protect absolutely everything because some dude might perv over it. I I just first, you're never gonna out perv the perv. He's going to be perv ed about something else. But if he you know, you can certainly cut off 90% of them with the main parts that people perv over. Then you yeah. There's always gonna be somebody who's But but that's that's the thing. It's like, it the the you're thinking of normative things because that's what you would. Like the things that we hide are the things that you would have a problem with. That doesn't necessarily represent society broadly. Right. Right. But but I mean,

surely I mean, I don't know where you can find statistics on this. But but but generally speaking, you know, the the the left earlobe isn't isn't like every guy is like, hey. I've always wanted to see It's not safe for me to search Google statistics on the on the type stuff search Yeah. Mean, some some other guy who can handle that is gonna have to provide the data. I it is I I think it is more varied. But I guess what I'm rejecting is the premise that I have a responsibility broadly

to keep to keep out of sight or out of public view from every guy who could perv on something. Here's the deal. I can't help a guy who walks by a suntan lotion bottle with a kid's butt crack on it because the dog grabbed ahold of the of the swimwear and pervs on it. I I cannot do anything about that. Right. Right. Right. And that's not really what this is. This was at at the beach, a little two year old and and her friend, you know, woo hoo hoo. You know, we just put were having innocent fun. Right. And so so And mom took a picture of that. Wasn't it looks just like that bottle, you know. And and here's what and here's the deal. It's like 98%

of the size is gonna be able to look at that. It's like, oh, I get it. The Coppertone bottle. 2% is gonna be some creepo with big eyebrows, like, looking at it and and and leering. I I don't know that I can protect I I don't know that I should restrict everything I do to make sure that guy doesn't get jollies off of something he shouldn't. That seems unreasonable to me. I have a responsibility, to Dan's point. You have a responsibility, from a godliness perspective, to not promote impropriety.

Right? And the thing is is I think where you're gonna have a problem is the same reason the Supreme Court had a problem. Like, they're and they're gonna be more liberal than I am on the definition, but like, I'll know porn when I see it. Okay? Yeah. I The thing is is like, it's I'm gonna call that a Holy Spirit distinction. You're gonna have to be careful on what's It's the same it's the same thing with with how you dress. It's the same like where where ladies have to decide what's what's appropriate, what is what is potentially distracting to to other men and alluring. I mean, I have that same problem. If I wear too alluring of a shirt, I've drawn the ladies in unnecessarily. I do it all the time. That's embarrassing. Yeah. And and, like, the the thing is is, like, you make that distinction every day in how you live, not just the art that you take into the art that exists, but it's the life that I live. I have to be careful on maybe it's something I can handle, but if someone else can't, broadly or otherwise, what responsibility do I have to protect that? Now the only way to actually do it is not let anybody leave the house. Because because I and the Saudi Arabia is like a is a fringe example

to our culture, but it but it actually illustrates the broad point that like some people just get off on whatever. Right. And and like you you can only control so much. And I I agree with that statement entirely. And I think you can only control so much, but I think that there that you need to control those things. Having That's very distinct what you said. Give me a second. Okay. Having a picture of your daughter with with her butt hanging out Yeah. I think is not controlling that.

Yeah. I don't I don't agree with that at all. Okay. Well, that's where we disagree because I think you're not controlling that. I think you can think that's cute and you can have that picture, but putting it up on on Facebook or social media is the problem. I think if you have that at home in an album because you think it's cute and it's your daughter, awesome. Yeah. It that I think it it would probably be adorable. Yeah. Absolutely. Yes. It's the Coppertone bottle. But I don't think I'd put that on on Facebook. Yeah. And and and make make sure, I guess, we're we're talking about the same or agreeing on the same points here. I wouldn't have posted on Facebook. I just don't think it's a perfect pic. Okay. So may that's where I'm drawing the distinction from. I think I'm I think I'm not answering the question, and you you called me out on this a couple times. I think I'm not answering the question that you're asking. I think I'm more talking about the situation at hand. Sometimes I get tricky that way. Exactly. So I think that that the distinction that I was trying to draw is is that you should control the things that you can. And I think putting it on Facebook and letting it out there is not controlling it. So yeah. So if you're talking about broad control,

not not specifically like what what exactly should you control, what is permissible, what is not permissible. But what you're talking about is is like, we you have the ability to say, I will share this or I will not. Right. This is I I don't know that not sharing it is it's not a protection of some again, of the the boy, I'm gonna offend a bushy eyebrow guy. But like, I'm not worried about him. I just I don't I wouldn't have any reason to share that on a social media site Yeah. To anybody. Like, every parents got pictures of of their kids, like, just coming out of jumping out of a bath and stuff like that. Like, there's my parents had plenty of pictures of me, but that stuff didn't make it to Facebook. I think that this is the situation is that that picture that should have been kept at home, should should have been kept within the family for a cutesy photo or showed to close family friends is one thing, when they come over and look at photo albums. But putting it on a Facebook for it to be able to be Google search it now for anyone to go and take a look at it because it's a lot easier than people think to be able to find those images. I think that that's where I'm drawing the problem. I mean, I I don't really again, I don't have actually a I don't have a sexual problem with that with that being available. Think it's just foolish. I don't know why you would mean, there's I'm no reason to not saying just from a sexual standpoint. I'm I'm saying it's just kind of I feel like it's inappropriate, not just from a sexual standpoint. Some people just don't wanna see that. Well, don't know. Look at it. I okay.

Hey, I don't wanna look at this, but I am. Stop it. You scroll through your news feed. You can't control everything you're gonna see. Oh oh, a kid's butt. How will I live my life not again? Saying I would be offended, but I'm we're we're You're in in a a life pedophile. Where that is happening. We're in a we're in a world. You cannot just reject that because you wouldn't. No. No. I'm with you. It's there because it's happening. Okay. But what what is your reaction? So there I mean, same pedophile could pass my my daughter walking out on the street. What's the difference? He's perfect. Yeah.

He's at what what we're at the beach. Call it the beach. Kids are walking around all the time bending down. You got a little butt crack showing. What's the okay. Allevil night beaches because that they they allow a perv man to show up. We've been careful what kind of swimsuits our our daughters wear, what kind of shirts they wear. Obviously, you can't control the reaction of everyone. You can't control the full environment. I'm not saying you can Uh-huh. In any way. I'm just saying control what you can control. Don't don't let it go out of control if you can control the situation. If it's someone if your daughter's butt is hanging out at at a beach and it's cutesy for you to snap a picture, do it. But that doesn't mean, you know, just let it happen all the time. That doesn't mean you just show it to everybody. That doesn't mean you put it on Facebook for everyone to see. I think you can could protect that situation more than she did. And I think that's the problem that I'm finding.

Yeah. That wasn't Dan's broad question. But I'm I like I said, I'm I'm more talky to the situation rather than the question. For that. I get the yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Alright. Alright. I think we're rubbing that The answer to your question is B. I reject all. What's next? Okay. Man captures on video women stealing his belongings at the beach. A video surfaced recently of a man approaching a couple of women. It's only like a minute long. Right. They're setting up a tent on the beach. The man asked if if they're putting up the tent that if it's theirs, and they say, yeah, it is, but we don't know how to do it. He says, well, you need any help? They said,

yeah. Do you know how to do it? He says, yeah. That stuff's ours. Basically, the chairs, the bag, the tent, the toys is all ours. And he says, that's okay. We'll let it slide, you know, this time. And one of the women's like, I'm not gonna let it slide. And they they basically attacked the guy Uh-huh. As as he's approaching them for stealing his stuff. The reaction was awesome. It was pretty funny. So how would you confront someone who's stealing your stuff on a beach? K. A, call the police, let them handle it. B, throw sand in their face and tackle them to the ground. Or c, have a conversation with them giving them a chance to leave. C. Yeah. Strong c. Yeah. Strong c. I don't think you need to involve the police unless it's don't jump to that. Don't attack them. And if you haven't seen the video, please look it up. It is hysterical.

Because they they do attack him. The lady's reaction is, yeah. When I come out of here, I better get that camera and I'm gonna put it in the dirt. As he's taking a video of her stealing his stuff. I don't understand her reaction. It's No. It's bizarre. It's ridiculous. You're in complete denial. One gal is off to the side. You can't see her in the original video. Or you can't see her right away in the The other gal is, like, inside of the canopy trying to take it down. Pop up tents. And is literally take taking it down. And the one gal's reaction is just completely timid. She's shy and she's not even talking. She's just like, well, You mean this here? What this? And then the one gal is just like, well, no. You better not be taking a video of this situation as I'm stealing all of your stuff,

and you've just caught me red handed and called me out in a video. And she's like, she runs after the guy as he's like laughing. Slapping him. Yeah. He's like, what are you doing? Are you really doing this? I'm trying to think of what mindset I would have to be in to have that reaction. As I'm stealing someone's stuff, I retaliate against them because they're not retaliate against me. The guy is just literally like, we'll let it slide. That's my kid. Yeah. Yeah. Cool, dude. Yeah. Just

I I laughed. I watched it like three times because I couldn't stop laughing. I thought it was great. So strong c. Yeah. I mean, I suppose it sounds like I'd have the same reaction to that guy. Yeah. Hey. That's my stuff. Yeah. I would start with c, but I but by the time she escalates, I'd probably go to a. It's like, alright. You're gonna play this game? Yeah. Alrighty. Talk to the police. Have you ever had to do that? Bubba, you ever had someone steal stuff that you had to call the call the the fuzz about? No. I've never had to call the police on stuff, but I've I mean, I've had stuff happen to me where I've had to kind of confront I I told you guys this about Thanksgiving a couple years ago.

Someone they didn't break into my house because I never locked the doors, but someone came into my house Yeah. And slept on my couch. Yeah. It was Thanksgiving day. I would try my older brother woke me up coming downstairs and said, hey. I think one of your friends is sleeping on our couch. And I walk upstairs, and it is a complete and total stranger that I have never met has walked into my home Uh-huh. And is sleeping on the couch. Yeah. And I decided that him having to wake up to two lumbering giants standing over him and scaring the crap out of him was enough of a situation. I didn't call the cops and say, hey, there's a guy trespassing. I just said, hey, man. What do you need? And I drove him to a gas station and Yeah. Let him use my cell phone.

You know, I've had weird situations like that happen where you can just handle it. I wasn't in physical, threat. I wasn't, you know, being threatened with violence or anything like that. I wasn't worried for my life. But it was just, hey. You're kinda in my house right now, and I don't think I gave you permission to be in here. Let's go. You should just I'm sorry. Yeah. You should not be here any longer. Yep. Yep. Alright. I think we're gonna we're gonna try to talk it up. Alright. You guys are nice. Dan's like I'm tacking would start out that way though too. Whatever. You're walking up picket's hand. Tackle him. Alright. Here's another one. Newspaper runs headline referring to President Obama as the n word. A local paper, they're making national headlines. It's really a small paper, and they use the n word in one of its headlines. Oddly enough, the paper

the the piece was actually pro Obama suggesting that the far right voters hate Obama because he's black. Nobody's the funny thing is no one seems to care what's even in the article anymore because everybody's talking about that they used the n word. Right? So here's the question. How do you think Jesus

would handle the n word if he were here today? A, he would never use it. He was too loving and caring to use a word that offends people. B, he would only use it when people offended by it weren't around. Or c,

he would use it as if he were teaching the sermon on the the sermon on the mount. Wait. He would use it if he were teaching this the sermon on the mount rap style. I totally messed up that set. I had such a payoff too. Yeah. Alright. So I'm I'm I'm in on a, but I'm in on a for a different reason. I don't I don't I I don't think that he would not use it because he was afraid of offending somebody.

I think he would not use it because there's no I mean, it doesn't further the conversation. Like, doesn't Yeah. Doesn't do anything that he wants to communicate. Right? Like, it doesn't How about the Pharisees? You yeah, I mean I was gonna say he used offensive language to some people. Oh, right. But that's not a that's not an insult. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I mean, I the truth. I mean, I get it. I I I

I mean, the the word that we're talking about, the n word, I I get it. Like, it's it's it's offensive because of how people use it. Right. Like, think about who the way Jesus is trying to communicate, like, how does that further anything that he's doing Yeah. To be to to say that. And so, like, I he's not worried about offending somebody. And if on his own, he thought it was, like it's not an implicit right or wrong with it, but, like, in general, no. I I couldn't imagine he'd use it because it you know, like if you're trying to talk to people about about about aligning them and and getting them to understand the things that you tell if you're talking about,

it doesn't benefit you to turn them turn them off. He did though with the the pharisees. I mean, some of them No. No. That you use with them No. No. No. You be as strong to them as what the end would would be to people today. No. That that that's that is not even close to a similar example. What he's calling them names. He's like like like, in in reference to how they act, here's a description of how you act that is offensive to how he represented it. That is not the connotation of that word. That's it's not the same thing. You can't just broadly say anything that people will say is offensive can be treated as if it's the a brood of vipers. It's not the same thing. So no. I I don't agree with your I don't think that's the same example. Yeah. I'm I'm in for a as well. I don't think

I don't think you would use it. It doesn't seem to have a point. I don't see the point of it used at all, but yeah. Even if he was singing a rap? Even if he was singing a rap, no. You don't have to use that word. I've I've heard it no amount without you. I've heard many raps without that word. Does not need to be in there. Yeah. Seems gratuitous in many of the rap songs, but it does not need to be in Okay. Yeah. I mean, like like, from a broad conversation, I think there's a there's a double standard to it. I think there is a there's an there's a cultural acceptance, but it depends who says it. Like like, there's some really silly lines on that get drawn in that discussion, but like in direct answer

to your question, I just it doesn't don't think it furthers what Jesus is trying to do at all. So, no, I I I just couldn't see him using it. Yeah. It's really I mean, it's fascinating to me how they are so afraid to use the word. They even had it blurred out in the title, and that they'll use about any other word. Right. It could be offensive to anyone, but they won't it's it's very political. It's I just find that fascinating. Well, it's just like mean, here's the deal. It's like, the fact on whether you think it's appropriate to use or not. It's not good business. Yeah. It's it's just flat out not good business to be used in language like that. It brings you only negative attention. And like, all attention is not good attention because like this will eventually go away and there'll be a small town paper again and they would have lost, you know, I don't know, 15 people because they're upset about it. Yeah. It's just it's just bad business. It's

there again, like, this is kinda I think what you're getting at. It's like Jesus is in business. Right? He gets to say what he wants to say, and he says that says it clearly to the people that he wants to communicate to. He's not afraid of offending someone. So like that, that I would agree with. I just like the connotation of how that word is used generally. I just don't think it moves the needle for what Jesus is after, and so I don't think he would use Yep. Alright. Is that it? That's what's happened in the world? That's it? Oh, man. There we go. That's some good stuff. So here's the deal. That's what's happened in the world. Now the next question is, what happened to Buva? So what happened this happened to me with John Buva the third. Go ahead. Oh, that was great. Thank you for that. You get four beeps. Go ahead. I get four beeps, and that's the introduction. Make it happen.

So as we all know, I like to talk about myself, and, this is a new section where I talk about myself. I'm kind of excited. So talking before the show today was wondering, about, if I had some advice for people or not or if it was just general

I don't know. Just encouraging words about, what's happened in my life. And I didn't think that it it was worthy of of quite giving advice to people, so we just kinda decided to to throw it as as I wanted to talk about me. So recently, in my, my existence, a lot of good stuff's been happening. I'm

starting to take a stand in my faith that I haven't before. And I'm actually kind of reaching a point of, dare I say, spiritual maturity where it's not so much just about what I'm getting out of my faith anymore. It's for a long time been that way. And I think that it's a lot that way for a lot of believers. I think that that at the very beginning, you spend a lot of time, you know, reassuring yourself and your faith,

in Jesus Christ. And I I think it's different periods for different people, but I think you gotta spend some time just kind of building yourself up. And that's what I've been doing for the last couple years. I've I've really been trying to commit myself more and more to to being under under the rule of Christ as my king. And, and I've been trying to be involved myself in the church more and more and more. And if you talk to people that go to my church, they see me a lot more often than they did at one point in time. So I think I'm going in the right direction. But,

Ben kinda just gave me a look, but whatever. So one of the coolest things is I'm starting to actually do things that are are outward in my faith. And I'm starting to talk to more people about my faith and about my my love of Christ and and some some crazy stuff's been happening recently.

And I just kinda wanted to share it as encouragement. Recently, with, spending time downtown, here in Des Moines, I I think that, I've been presented with a lot of situations to start professing my faith to more and more people. And I was talking before the show about if I didn't know if that was

me being talked to by the Holy Spirit more often, or if it was me being talked to by the spirit the exact same amount, but now I'm actually listening. Had a conversation with the gentleman downtown about Christ. He was, defending against it, and defending against the faith very, very fervently with a,

a lot of people and a couple of people around, and I just kind of jumped in the conversation. I'm walking down Court Avenue, and walk past this conversation. I hear him talking about the crucifixion. And first thought was to just kind of walk past and not think about it whatsoever. But then I kind of had that little voice in in me that, I I attribute to the holy spirit that I needed to do something. So I turn around and I walk back to the guy and I introduce myself and I say, hey, I heard the name Jesus,

and I like that. And, I'm not here to argue with you. I just want to kind of listen in. He goes perfect. You know, I'd love to have you listen, introduce myself to a couple of other people. And we sat there and we talked, for like half an hour about, about Jesus Christ and about, him being my savior and the love that God has for us and God being, the creator universe and, Jesus Christ dying on the cross. And I told him less about the fact,

of the crucifixion, more about what it actually means, less about the history of it, more about the actual feeling and the actual reason it happened. So that's been happening. And then also with, with a couple other interactions that I'm I'm finding myself in, you know, with, with a friend of my brother's

talking with her nonstop multiple times just about, kingdom living stuff and really, answering questions for her that that I have only recently started to answer myself. And it's been such an amazing feeling. And even more, I I can't even tell how many stories have happened.

People talking talking to people on Facebook, talking to people, in real life at work and things like this that have just been kind of coming up. So I I suppose I can kind of turn it into to advice and encouragement. It is such an amazing feeling to have gone from

serving myself, which is perfectly fine. That's part of what it is with with the promise that I have with God. God's here for me too. Serving myself in my faith and strengthening myself and strengthening my faith that I have in Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, looking into things that I get out of it. It has been such an amazing feeling to transition from that to actually having outward works.

And I don't mean to sound like, hey, look at me what I'm doing. It's it's all God. It's more attributing what God's doing in my life. And it's been incredible to just kind of watch what God's doing with me, and truly feel like something's happening in my life where it's not just me being served by my faith and just me and God. I know that's enough, but it's been really cool to have things happen outside of me and talking to more people about Christ and talking to more people about my faith. And I think that I I'd like to say that as encouragement for people, if you find yourself in your faith and if you're newer in faith or if you've been in had faith for years or anything like that, You are here as God's son or daughter and that's that's absolutely true. You have the benefits yourself of the relationship you have with Christ and and you also are are in the salvation, things like that. But there's something different about just pulling that for yourself

and sharing that. It's something completely different from switching from reassuring yourself that you have the salvation to pulling other people into the salvation and talk and talking about it with people so that God can work with the seeds that you're trying to plant and the stuff you're throwing. And that's my encouragement to to every single believer out there that that is having that kind of situation.

For a while, I started to feel stagnant that I wasn't actually participating in the church and I wasn't an active member of the body, but I was a bystander that was just receiving the, the wealth of of my faith, to

I'm actually trying to be a member of the body of Christ. And I'm actually trying to be the hands of the feet or whatever part of the of the body that I am. So it's not so much about asking God to

start speaking in your life and ask the Holy Spirit. It may be something where you just need to start listening better, to where, you know, your faith kind of comes to a point where it's no longer just looking for you, but it's also looking for how you can affect other people's lives, and how can you can spread the good news of Jesus Christ to other people who don't have it. So, God's been working hardcore in my life just within the last couple months. It's been incredible.

And that's my encouragement. My advice to you guys is just achieve that. And I know that I'm not even close to the pinnacle of where I'm supposed to be, and I'm so excited about that because I know that there's still so much more that God can do in my life and still so much more that that I can do for other people, and I'm really excited about that. It's it's been an amazing experience so far, and I'm so excited to keep going. That's like basic discipleship right there is you know you're a disciple when you're making disciples. Right. I mean, otherwise, you're just a believer. Yeah. And Jesus And that's what I felt like for a long time. Yeah. Yeah. I felt like a believer of Jesus Christ, but I wasn't disciple. And I wasn't, you know, going out and talking to people. It was few and far between that I would ever answer anyone's question of who have you talked to about Jesus lately. I I couldn't answer that question for a long time. Sure. Jesus called us to make disciples Right. Not believers. So really, we have miserably

failed the last few decades in America, and and we it's become this consumer thing where Yeah. We we we fed what you're describing your earlier faith was. Yeah. And we've We've encouraged it. Mhmm. The professional here. I need to teach you, and I will do all the professional stuff, and you just show up and pay money. Right. And and it's like, no. No. No. That's totally not scriptural.

Yep. Cool. That's good to see God busting through. Yes. Yeah. It's been awesome. I'm so far from from anything good, and I'm excited about that because that means I got a lot of work to do. So I'm excited. God's been doing crazy stuff in my life. Yeah. Yeah. That's and and that actually is the broad kind of the broad point is is is

God's not asking you to try harder. He's he's asking you to let him do the work. Yeah. Like, let That's true. Let God be God. We and sometimes I think we we get like a real downer of a Christian experience. We live in a kingdom which we acknowledge vocally a king and maybe even our minds a king, but then like we try to do the king's work. Right. And and and then show it to him and say, yeah, you approve. Yeah. Look at look at what I've been doing lately, God. Have you seen my all my works? Aren't you lucky? Yeah. Exactly. Aren't you excited you got me on your team now? Really worked out for you. We're really gonna start shaking kingdoms. Yeah.

I you know, I was in I was in the prayer room this morning and and, like, that was one of the excuse me. It's one of the thoughts that came into mind is, like, let God do his work. Yeah. Let God do His work. Like like, God doesn't need you to do His work. He'll do His work. He's asking you to be obedient to whatever that is and what that impacts your life. And that's a that's a de stressor right there. It's a de stressor to be like, yeah, you know what? That's not my job. Yeah. It's not, not my responsibility. Not my responsibility. Not my responsibility. Not my responsibility. I I I'm obedient to one thing, and that's whatever God has got going on. And then as long as I'm obedient to that, like, the the broad consequences, good or bad, as I see them, they're gods. They're gods to deal with. It's funny because I used to if this is awful to look back on, but I'm

I've grown. I promise. But I used to look at it as like a quota. And, you know, there was there was just this kinda like tally marker that God was having of of how many conversations I've had about him. Yes. Yeah. And how many people I've brought to Jesus. And I started thinking about that just within the last couple months because I started I I'm in a discipleship

class right now. I'm learning about how to truly express my faith, in a way that that, you know, is glorifying to God and is is, you know, the way that I'm stepping out of the way. And it's it's more along the lines of, hey, it's not my job, to to win people over to Christ. What I say is not gonna win people over. What God does is what's gonna win people over. But I used to look at it from a quota perspective. And I used to look at it of, you know, how many people have I brought to Jesus?

And how many people have I personally affected to the point where I'm winning people over for the kingdom of God? Yeah. And I really got discouraged about that. And what's the better question? How many how many seeds am I spreading? Right. The the the sower, you know. Yeah. He just spread the seed. God worked out the rest. He did his job is to so we have been asking the wrong question forever. That's probably preacher's fault because we always say, how many have you won to Jesus? You know? Exactly. Rather than saying,

how many seeds of the gospel have you shared? How how many times have you just opened your mouth and not worried about what happened? That's one of the biggest things that that is has helped me recently has been, I was talking to Ben before the show about just me getting out of the way. And and just like Ben said, it's it's not us. How self righteous am I if I think that the words that I'm saying is what's gonna win somebody over to Christ?

You that's awful. That's not what it's about. And I'm really trying to to fully understand that the sower portion of, you know, I can only do so much. It's not my works. It's God's works through me. I'm just a body. I am the vessel that's there. God's gonna work through me however he wants to work. Whether that be me getting spat at my face or punched or shoved or told to shut up or if that's me having random conversations till five or 06:00 in the morning just talking and asking, answering questions for people. Yeah. And doesn't matter where I'm at. It doesn't matter who I'm talking to. It's it's God's work. It's not mine. Well, and to use another plant example, think of we we talk about trees bearing good and bad bad fruit. Right? Mhmm. Like, what if you're the tree? What if the tree doesn't do anything? Like, it's it's just what it does. Right? Just just stands there. And so so, like, the the tree hangs out. Right? Who who provides the water that grows the tree? God. Who provides the soil that the tree grows in? God. You know, and, like, I and the tree bears keep doing this. This is fun. The tree bears fruit

based upon God's provision. Yeah. Right? And you're and and that's that's the good tree. And I actually think that that's a it's a pretty solid example. Like, we try to we try to be the running tree, The walking tree that, like, grabs people, shakes them down a little bit. And then That's like Lord of the Rings or something. You can't Yeah. It's it's a different kingdom. Exactly. Our like, job is to is to be faithful, to be the right tree Right. So that we produce good fruit. Mhmm. But, like, but it's it's God's it's God's provision that that causes that fruit to come to bear. Like, no no strength of mine will cause me to bear good fruit. It just won't. And so so if if that's all this, and my job is to is to be the tree, is to is to basically do what God has has created me to do. And from there, he will produce the fruit. He will send the guy that picks it off, you know, and then, like, he will continue to provide the soil and the rain.

And that's and that's kind of how it works. And and it doesn't the fear of saying things like that and saying that we're your seed sowers as an example is that is that you can do the opposite with that. You can say, okay. Well, I don't have to do anything. But there the the the only works as a premise if your underlying thought is I'm being obedient to what God has has for me in my life. Right? Yep. Like, Jesus laid out the basic nature of what being obedient looks like, what it looks like to live in the kingdom. So if you're doing that, if you're doing that faithful in the means, right, if you're faithful in the means, God takes care of the ends, and and and you should stop stressing out about the ends. And there there might be some guy and and a thousand people have joined the kingdom because of what he said. And it might be you and one person has joined the kingdom because of what you said. But the the distinction between the both of you might be, as long as both of you are being obedient, that's the same work in God's kingdom because that guy didn't grab a thousand, and you didn't grab a one. Well, look at Jeremiah. He preached for for decades and had zero converts. Exactly. He made it to the Bible. Yeah. Yeah. He got his in.

He's in. Because it, like, in those in those I never thought about all that. Those two examples is like, that guy didn't grab the thousand, and you didn't grab the one. God grabbed all thousand and Right. Like, all he's doing is this is through the obedience of his people, people are joining the kingdom. Yeah. And that's that's all his hand anyway. Right. So, yeah. So ultimately, remember,

it's not you. It's God. Let that happen. It's not you. It's God. That's what's going on in my life. Right. Right. That's that's what happened to Boova. Yeah. There it is. There it is. Alright. So last last week, we were talking about one of the one of the what's happening questions had to do with the Hobby Lobby ruling. The basic nature of Dan's question was, let's say that you had as a business you're a business owner and you had to cover these things.

You're required to. What are what are your three reactions? One was is that you do it because it's the law and you don't have a choice. Two was that you fight it tooth and nail, and you'll go out of business. They'll put you in prison. You'll pay the fines. Whatever it is, you're gonna use all your possible resources to fight doing it. And the third one was is that you get you just close your business. You you're not gonna play in that ball field. You're not gonna be susceptible to that rule. You're just gonna have close your business down. And that was a hard c that I'm just gonna close the business down. And, the general rebuttal, hopefully I'm representing it fairly, because I actually agree with with it, is that, the problem is is like if you take your ball and go home,

like, the law of the land still exists. And whatever it is that you're going to do, you're going to be part of it or party to it at some form or the other. Right? Just because you don't run the business, you're gonna go take a job with someone else who's also susceptible to the same law. You're still part of the cog. You're still cogging the machine. And so and also, if that's the that's the distinction you're gonna make, you're kind of screwed because you interact with a bunch of nefarious characters in any given basis, including the government that you're dealing with. And so you don't really have an option to bow out completely of this circumstance. So, like, really, where does the line exist? And so,

I think that's a completely legitimate argument. I think it actually makes a lot of sense. And if you think about in the time in Jesus' time, I mean, you're still rendering to Caesar what is Caesar's, and that government was doing terrible things with the money, including persecuting Christians. And and you were still required to give the taxes. So

I'm afraid that my answer there's there I was biblically, here's here's what what I think still has me in the sea camp, although I'm I'm still admitting that there's problems. There's problems with the sea camp for the reasons I just outlined. But I was thinking of Revelation where Jesus is talking to the seven churches, and one of the things that he's that he's upset with is basically they're

they're being part of the trade guilds that are having sex with these temple prostitutes. Basically, the the things that they have to do to be able to be part of the guilds to make a living. Right? And part of it is, you know, you're you're worshiping these idols, these gods that aren't Jesus so that you can be part of the guild because all the guilds had a patron god. And so Jesus was very unhappy with that. Like, you're not permitted

to to direct your worship elsewhere simply because that's how you make your living. That's not gonna work. Like, if you just have to stop making your living that way. And and and so, like, that that was the the the one biblical example that I that I've had thought of that I think bolsters my the c position. I don't know if that's a distinction from a an idol worship versus, say,

I'm kind of a tertiary party to people doing things that they don't have to do but can do because of a law that was passed. I don't know. I'm not solid on that. But I but I that did kind of reinforce what I was thinking where, like, if if the thing that you want to do for a living can't be done in the service of God, then you should stop doing it. Like like, it is not worth fighting for to say this is God did not create you to do work

for his glory that does not glorify him and can't and is not able to. And so, like, again, I'm I'm I don't know. That's still a big and outstanding moral question for me as to where that actually sits. And I I think the case for bowing out completely, it it can't be that either. So I don't know where that line is, but that was as I was thinking this week, that's kinda where my thoughts went. And and the different thing is in our American system, part of our system is to fight it.

And it's not like when when the dictator says, thou shalt whatever and you you have no choice. That's part of the system. That's why we have supreme court and that's why I went to the supreme court. And that's why they pursued yeah. How they did was so it would get to the supreme court. True. So that's why why I said I would fight it all the way. But what you said was that also you would continue to pay fines and get put into prison, which which means that it it had gone outside of the normal legislative means or the judicial means to fight it. Because the normal judicial means don't cause you to go into prison. Right? The normal judicial means, the it will cost you the court case. And if the law stands, there will be fines associated with it. The question is, do you persist after that? And that that's actually how I took what you were saying is that, like, even if you lost, you you did the normal societal means to fight it, you lost. You would continue to pay the fines until you went bankrupt as opposed to, like, either bowing out or well, that's the the the only option you have, basically. Because, like, in that case, there's nothing you could do to make me

pay to kill a baby. You're right. And that's specific. I mean, mean, it's which is different than, like, the the temple issue.

I mean You you can't continue do owning your business and being and being in that trade guild. And if that's only way you get business, you have to stop you have to get out of the business. Yeah. I I would probably let it, like, die on a volume type thing. I'd I'd still try, you know, and it just wouldn't no one would buy my stuff, and and I'd finally go, I guess, you know, yeah. Right. Go out of business. Right. Right. So I mean, I suppose you're in this instance, example, what you could do is basically get down to the the threshold employees where you don't have to carry the coverage and then try to remain a small company and just refuse to get any bigger. There's a potential to play in that market. So I don't know. I I I'm I'm gonna be honest and say I I don't I don't have a I don't have a good answer here. I that's that's something where I'm still based upon the parameters that we were discussing, I I'm not sure the right way to handle that is. I'd have to keep praying through that and and and hopefully the Holy Spirit to help Obin out because I'm I'm just that's hard to make vague. What would you do? Yeah. And it Well It's and it's a tough thing because it because you're right though. It's like the the Bible didn't necessarily contemplate the environment politically that we are in.

I it's not that it's short on guidance. I just to what extent, like, I can bow anybody can bow out of society completely and thus remove themselves from the temptation that society provides. But it's hard to win people to the kingdom of Christ outside of society as well. And so, like, that's a that's a common balance. All we're doing is taking that particular thought and exploding it up into a giant policy decision as it as it comes to being a business owner and your impact, your employees, and the world around you because as a business owner, you're being required to do something that you don't believe in. So anyway, that that that was my answer. I said I would think about it, and that's that's kind of where it was. I don't I don't think it moved the needle on my position at all, which was a position of ambiguity because I'm not sure. But that's that's where I'm at. That's what what happened this week. So alright. So big question on the docket here had to do with MarriageVise. I ran across Marriage Month tip of the day. Say great job to your man. So the question is is is this is this helpful?

And and may maybe it's a glimpse into your to your marriage. Say as much as you deem appropriate as to whether this would actually sound like something your wife would say. So marriage month tip of the day. A tip for women. Instead of the I love you type words that come naturally, purposely look for daily opportunities to say what matters most to a man. Thank you. Great job, and I'm so proud of you. We women love to feel loved. We delight knowing that our man adores and cherishes us. We feel special and secure when we hear I love you. In fact, for many of us, feeling loved is the whole point of having a relationship to begin with, exclamation point. So it is a huge surprise to find that for men, that's not the point at all. And knowing what is the point has the potential to change everything in your marriage. Women, do you want to have a great relationship? Do you want your man to love being with you every day? Do you want this to sound like a late night infomercial? Do you want him to feel cared for? It may sound crazy, but for a guy there is nothing more appealing, more powerful,

more wonderful than feeling that you have noticed what he does in life. For you, for the family at his job, and that you think it was good. So base question, and I will will will say marriage is fine. I'll go with other relationships too so that Buva doesn't feel like a a wartime. Thanks. I don't I don't Single guy. Does that on on your level of priorities, things that that that make you feel affirmative in a marriage, that sound right, Dan? I I will say this. I think there's been multiple books written over the years with with multiple research and and surveys done, and it always the top three needs that go to the top in in these surveys are are the sexual need, the they word it differently in each book, but the

fellowship, I don't like to hang out. I want my wife to just kinda hang out with me. You don't even have to talk to me. Just be there. Yep. And and then the admiration type of thing kinda feed the ego. And I've seen that over and over again like I can see it in my own self. I can see it in so many people I've talked to through the years that I I would actually agree with that. They they they want they I remember early in our marriage, I was doing a drywall project and I was you know I'd never done drywall before and I was working on this thing for hours and I I had like 80% of it was really looking fine and maybe 20% was like you know, we need to work on that and I brought my wife downstairs come come and look at this and I all I wanted her to do was see the 80%. Yeah. I mean, it wasn't even a split second. Oh, what are gonna do about that? You know? All she could look at and I was just like deflated.

Yeah. Then later I'm like, what a fool. What what really? Really? Yeah. That demoral moralized me. You know? And but so there is something about us, think, you know, our ego that we kind of like to be, know, built up a little bit. Yeah. And and a woman who a wife who will continually tear down a guy will

definitely hinder him in his life Yeah. In in career and everything. He just will. No. And and I actually here here's where I'm where I'm struggling, think, this particular piece of ice is that I think it's true. I struggle with whether it should be. Yeah. That kind of what you were getting at. Right? Like, you know, some maybe maybe I mowed the backyard and oh, hey. Thanks for mowing the backyard. Were you gonna weed whack tonight? Yeah. Oh. Exactly. See a mistletoe over there. You know? And you and and the thing is it's like, okay. Yeah. That's legitimate. I I probably should do that. But but you're right. There is there is kind of a need to be like, oh, you know, I I I just wanted you know? You know what every preacher says on Sunday afternoon? Hey. What'd you think? Hell, yeah. At at least the first twenty years. I mean, I don't want anymore. I don't care. It's like whatever. You know what mean? But but I mean, I was I was if if she didn't say something, I would ask. It'd take a couple hours. I'd try to pretend like it was no big deal. Like, she would say, oh, by the way, what did you you know? But that's all I was thinking about. You know? Was like, what does she think? Yeah. Right. Yeah. Really? Does it matter? I mean, evidently,

does. Yeah. And so maybe that's maybe that's the the well, here, let me can, let me continue with advice. Men are different from us. They don't doubt whether we love them. They doubt whether they are any good at what they do for us. Really, that's true. The cry of a man's heart isn't am I lovable, but do I measure up? And more precisely, does she think I measure up? Ladies, that's a very powerful position you have there. And I think it's pretty accurate. Like, your man, as passive as he might seem, he really wants to impress you.

And I suppose the conundrum you put the ladies in with this type of advice is if your man is not impressive. Like He should have chose better. Which which I I so so here's here's the dichotomy. Right? It's like, are you asking women to do? Are you asking a woman to look at your drywall project and not mention the 20%? What if it's not it's not good? Well, least not first.

Just don't open with it. Exactly. Yeah. I I because everybody has something you can affirm them in. You you know? Yeah. Everybody is not a Superman and and a and a great athlete or a great intelligent or whatever their thing is, but they have something that you can really build up on. And and, yeah, not don't lie to them. I mean, you you know, don't don't be fake. I mean, were times I had real flops say sermons. Yeah. And, oh, yeah. It was but you know, she never lied to me. She'd always say, well, you know, I would have made you know? Like, I know. I just wanted to see what you'd say. Yeah. Yeah. Because that's no good either. Well, so so may so maybe here's because I here's here's what I wouldn't want. As a man, here's what I don't want. I don't want disingenuous. Yeah. I don't want you to lie to me. I don't wanna say, hey, that's great when it's not great. But, like, I guess maybe what I would based upon this type of advice, what I would say is is, like, I actually want you to be legitimately jazzed about that 80%. Yeah. Want you to consider, hey, man. That that looks really good. And like, not just, hey, you're telling me that. Like, I I want you to want to encourage me and to see that that that that makes me happy and makes me feel like I'm providing for my family to say that. I don't need you to tell me the 20% is great if it's not.

But, like, I don't want you to fake the 80% either. Mhmm. And so and and because I think otherwise what this comes off as is like, we need you to lie to your husband. Like, if even if he stinks out of your job is to build him up. And I don't men can smell that too. Yeah. So like, I don't I don't know what that means for for someone to have to actually want to to to be able to say, hey, Thanks for actually, thanks for mowing that lawn. I know you had a long day at work, and I know you probably just wanted to come in and sit down, but thanks for getting out there and doing that. Do you have time to weed whack tonight? I'm like, well, yeah. You know, I could probably do that even better. That's probably this. Yeah. Yeah. So I don't know, Buba. What's your experience in this matter?

You got like thirty seconds. So I don't know if we're actually talking about the same thing here, guys. We're we're talking about the the article seems to be about whether or not you say I love you versus great job. No. It was specifically saying say great job. Yeah. I already know you love me. Okay. Well, I listened to it wrong because it I thought it said a, rather than saying I love you and things like that to come naturally, say great job, which I disagree with. So I I I must Oh, okay. Oh, well. She she was advocating say great job. Here, we're gonna pick this up after the break. Hey, thanks for hanging out with us on Life The Path. You can go visit us on the website at lifefromthepathorg.

Oh, crap. I ran out of time. I'll I'll put a commercial in for it. We got a big show coming up at Zeke's in Ames on next Tuesday. You gotta come out to that thing. There's gonna be four great bands. I'll get you commercial out. You guys listen during the week. Alright. Thanks for listening live from The Path. We'll if you're on the podcast, hang out. We'll be right back with you. I gotta start making a list, man. Yeah.

Okay. Alright. So but to move it to your point. So yeah. So she did say her advice to the woman was and she didn't say don't say I love you. What she's saying is is that But she said rather than saying I love you, which and things that come naturally to you, say things like great job and stuff like I think her example was to imply rather than than saying things that that otherwise you would want to hear, because that that's generally what you're looking for. Here are some things. Here's an example of what guys would want to hear that make them feel valued in their relationship. Okay. Fair enough. That that is what she's because I hear you love me when you say, that drywall

rocks. Oh, okay. Oh. Yeah. As a matter of fact, I find it awkward if my wife goes, hey. I love you. Like, well, yeah. That's why we got married. I'm with you. Maybe I'm just a different kind of dude. I could care less about the great job. I care less. I don't care about words of affirmation. When it comes to, hey, you did an awesome job. Hate. Ultimately, I feel like if you if I didn't do it right, you're gonna tell me. That's that's where I'm at. Uh-huh. If it and I've I've I'm not married, but I've had this in relationships before where I've I've gotten a great job. I'm like, thanks.

It's like, hey, thanks for doing that. I really appreciate you doing it. It's like, yeah. You asked me to do it. So I did it. Oh, well, okay. That's that's a little different. Than hearing then maybe I'm even more confused because the whole great job thing, I could care less. I do like Noted, but like your example actually provides a hey, will you do this and you do it. I I there's another thing like if your your your role in the house as the man is to provide for your family. Yeah. It's like there's certain things that you're doing. Yeah. And and she says, Thank you. Looks great. I think that's what she's talking about. Not, Hey, we take out the garbage. She goes, Oh, great job taking out that garbage. Like, that's that's she directly told you to do that. And you just did what you were told. That's it. Did not drop it. It's like a different circumstance. Oh, I'm not seeing any any different circumstances. Okay.

I do maybe I'm just the weird guy. Because I do like here in the whole I love you thing. I do like hearing that that those portions of it. I'm don't think there's a difference between dudes and gals when it comes to that stuff. But how about how about like in the workplace? Would you rather have the boss come by every day and say, hey. I'm just glad you're here. Or, wow. Great job on that project. You really excelled in this area. You really

I don't look at those the same. So I don't see the correlation between the What what well, answer this question then. Regardless of I what you think it's appropriate like hearing that I did a good job at work. Yeah. Mhmm. I like that that kind of affirmation. But it's it's a In a in in like a one on one relationship, I'm not I guess that's not what I look at. So the issue is more our egos than it is them. What do you mean by that? How how I feel appreciated by my wife or by where I work or by the police officer who pulls me over and says, you just did a great job running that red light. Whatever. So okay. So me from from what I'm drawing from the article, it seems like they're trying to make a distinction of

guys like to hear this, guys don't like to hear the same thing. No. No. I I told you that already that that is not the case. And she's not saying exclusively, guys do not wanna hear I love you. She's what she's saying is, you men would men like to hear this slightly, like, different from the thing that really trips your trigger. This is something that helps to build your man up. She's not saying men hate I love you. No. I'm not. And I haven't once said that. What you're implying is that if it's a it's a dichotomy, that it's to choose one or the other. I think what she's saying is is that, like, he your man may not get the same thing out of looking you in the eye and saying I love you as, Hey, thanks for providing for a Gotcha. Okay. So then I was taking it as a rather, as a one or the other kind of deal. No, I think so. That's not what I got from it. Well, then we listened. We heard it two different ways then. Mhmm. Mhmm. Maybe that's what Maybe you hear like a lady. That's why you like the I love yous. Sure. You don't like being affirmed. Sure.

I'm okay with that. I like being loved. Alright. So you so Dan, that sounds helpful to you? I think so. It sounds helpful to me. Yeah. Because because ultimately, here's the deal. It's like I well, you know, do you see you hear what Bubba said though? He said he don't he doesn't think there's a difference between men and women on this issue. But like both of you, you and I, both said that there was a difference, which implies that I think Bubba thinks that we're ladies.

That's what I took from your implication. Yeah. That's what I was saying. Because Wow. Because otherwise, what are you saying? Because like No. My deal is I do Maybe it's not Maybe it's different not different for you. That's alright. I don't know if it's if it's fair to use for you to say, blankly, I don't think men and women are different on this issue. You may not be different on this issue. Okay. Fair enough. I I just I I don't see a huge difference when when it comes to, men and women when it comes to the emotions that we feel. I think there's a difference in the way that we portray them Express them. And stuff like that. But I think that a dude likes hearing that I love you just as much as a lady does. I think that's different. I actually, I think that's an expression of I love you. I and I think that's what she's getting at, and that's kinda what Dan and I are talking Gotcha. And cool. And if that's the situation, that's the situation. I'd like I said before, did not take it that way. Yeah. Yeah. Don't I know about that stuff. Let's see. Let let me see if I can find out her her final deal here. We had have no idea that he's longing for effort yet so I guess I do still struggle with this though because you should do the right thing regardless.

You should continue to serve your wife. And and and maybe maybe this is where this is born out of, is like, if my goal in life is to serve my wife, is to care for my family, it certainly does feel good to know that I'm doing that. To for you to have some sort of indication that that is that that is getting done. The promises that I made to my wife, as far as she's concerned, are being fulfilled.

Okay. I love you doesn't communicate that necessarily. It doesn't it doesn't communicate that expense. It's not specific. Right? People say I love you for all kinds of different Specifically, if you're saying, hey, I I I know you worked hard this week. Thanks for thanks for working hard to provide for the family. Like, that that specifically comments to something where, like, that's what I promised I would do. I I have some sort of feed like, think I'm doing it, but I have some sort of feedback that indicates to me that my wife, who is the one that I'm working for, agrees

and and says that that I'm doing what I said I would do. And that that that is affirming. That feels good. And it and it on the opposite side, it it is very deflating to find out that, like, let's say you work you thought you worked hard all week, and, like, whatever it is that you produced, your wife was not happy with or otherwise didn't didn't give her what she expected. That is very deflating because, basically, you wanted to provide for her. And if if your impression from her is that you didn't because you you cut the lawn poorly, you don't know how to hang drywall right, or like, you're not working very hard, or there's not enough money around in the house, and that responsibility falls on you, and she can't buy the groceries she wants because you didn't make enough money. Like, there is an element to that that is very discouraging because you're like, but I wanted very much to provide for my family, and I feel like I'm not doing it. Now I think that there's a bit of a machismo bucket there that that I that shift. Here's the deal is I think a lot of that has shifted culturally

because we've pushed some of the some of the traditional renewed responsibilities onto, say, entire family or onto lady. And so guys actually lose some of that because the responsibility no longer sits on them. And, like, you whatever. Debate whether you feel like that's appropriate or not. But, like, I think that there that used to that was a lot more full. You saw guys do some outrageous things in the name of pride for providing for their family fifty years ago, seventy years ago. And and we we have lost some of that.

Pride is probably good to go. The reasons for for that shifting, I'm not sure that I that I I think are a great path. But, but, yeah, that that's I think the root of it is. It isn't, it isn't a guy to say like, hey, look at me. I'm awesome. He he wants the guy in the right mind wants to serve his wife and likes to be likes to know, not necessarily be acknowledged because I want you to tell me how great I am, but wants to know that the work that he's doing is being received in the way that he's doing. I I think that I can agree with that statement just because I I I don't want it to be the whole prideful thing. Don't wanna be a prideful beast that I'm just like, I have to hear that I'm doing a great job. No. And that's the wrong way to handle it. If and if that's what you're buffering is, that makes sense to me. Yeah. Like, you don't and and that that I think is my hesitation on the advice to begin with from should I have to? Should she have to say, oh, great job on that lawn, buddy. I'm like, no. Like, that's that's not the point. The point is is that, like, I'm trying to serve her and it sucks if I did it poorly. Yeah. Loving her No one joins to know this. Loving her practically bringing the, you know, food of what however you wanna say it. Yeah. Yeah. I I agree with that. I think that that some people could take that the wrong way of it being, you know, hey, look at me and how well I did. And that's that's kinda where I was I was stemming it from. But I agree, with your statement of if it's not from a prideful standpoint, if it if it is, you know, just affirmation of, hey, this is my commitment to you to love you and honor you in this way,

I know that I'm doing it by you telling me. Does that make sense? Yeah. And I think and I think that the honest truth is that men can be wounded by that more than you would think they should be. Yeah. I do that. As they they may be resilient in other parts of their lives, but like, an unaffirming wife, and and again, I'm not asking you to lie here, but like like someone were like, if if you are trying to provide for your family and it feels like you think it's happening, but your wife doesn't seem to acknowledge it, or or it has a different impression,

it could even be true, but it's very deflating for a man if that is his if if if he's not meeting up with his responsibilities. And maybe that's a man thing, maybe it's just like a personality type that that bends to guys. But I I think that is true. So like I I would probably agree mostly with this advice to ladies.

Men, I would say, you know, don't you have a responsibility either way. So like you're gonna have to learn to deal with this if your wife is unaffirming. But but know but just know, I guess, as a as a man speaking, I'd probably over

can be over impacted by this. More than I would like to admit, more than makes me feel comfortable, and it doesn't feel very strong to admit that, but more than it makes me feel comfortable to say I can be impacted and deflated if I feel like my wife or my family doesn't value what I feel like I'm contributing to them. There's a lot of truth to that old saying that behind every great man is a great woman. Yeah. I mean, it really is. It's with a rolling pin saying cut the lawn

and do it better this time. And then I will affirm you when you do it right. No more patches, and I'll tell you you did a great job. That's right. I want the crisscross pattern. Oh, man. Have you guys ever tried that? Yeah.

I don't know if I've ever really succeeded greatly. No. I no. I can't do it. Maybe I got a cheap mower, but I also have, like I had a I have a riding lawn mower, and I had it was closer to an acre when I bought it, and it made sense to use. And then I moved to a house in which I just do do not necessarily need a riding lawn mower. I mean, my yards are, like, tiny, but it's I mean, it's, half an acre. It's just not worth there's probably less than that. And so but it it's all I have. And I can't So you look like the laziest dude on the planet. I do. I do. The problem and it's not like a fancy it's not a fancy riding mower either. So, like, it doesn't make quick turns. It's real bulky and stuff. It doesn't matter. You are sitting the entire time. Yeah. That's what matters. No. No. But but the point is is that, like, if I can't do fancy patterns, because, like, I have a smaller yard. There's a garden there. You know, there's kids toys and crap. There's a shed. There's a swing set. You know, you can't get around in this stuff with any type of,

fidelity. So, yeah, the yard just looks ridiculous. So here's okay. So here's my admittance on this situation. So being an unmarried man and eventually wanting to be a married man Yep. I'm starting to quickly realize that I really need to develop some practical skills. Yeah. There there are many things that that or there there are few things that I'm really good at. Most of them have nothing to do with practicality of loving and serving my wife.

I'm not great at yard work. Uh-huh. I'm not a very handyman when it comes to fixing stuff and don't know anything about cars. Yeah. Don't do drywall painting, stuff like that. I should really pick up on some stuff. Like, can do dishes really well. I'm good at that. Don't get me wrong. I can do that. But when it comes to, like, fixing stuff and and being the man of the house and making sure stuff gets taken care of, oh, man. I got some I got a lot of room to grow. I need to just hang out with some dudes that could show me how to do this. Yeah. That's the right way to do it. Yeah. I'm just gonna just like sit at people's house and be like, hey, man. Notice you had a drywall. You wanna can I teach me? Can I come by? Can I come by and you teach me how to do that? And that being said, it's to note that none of that ever shows up on the top three need surveys that women have. Oh, no. That's true. That's true. Want they want conversation.

Hey. Where where where they get to talk. Oh. Want And you ruined it. They want you to not fix them. You're a fixer. Uh-huh. Most guys are. Yeah. We're fixers. Yeah. They, you know, they come in and say they had a bad day at work and your first thing is, well, well, quit. Yeah. Like, that's not what they wanna hear. That's not what they wanna hear. They wanna hear you say, oh, I understand. Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah. Tell me about her. Yeah. Tell me more. Tell me tell me how mean that person was. Uh-huh. That's all they wanna do for hours. Dan, you might have just saved my next I I think I did. Yeah. And affection. Do they say affection? What's the third one? The affection conversation and

Close personal time with me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just With you? Specifically? It's different than guys. With guys. It goes back to your comment earlier of you not wearing tight shirts that Uh-huh. That affect all the collective mind of women alive today. Thank you both. What women want to go to. They they wrote a new book. They said, what's your love language? Bend. Bend.

Next. Give me more Bend. Give me more Bend. Oh, Bend. Man. My wife is over referring me. Alright. Well, Dan, thank you again for saving my next relationship. Yeah. Just remember that. I want that to haunt you. The next time you're trying to your first response is, I would just listen more. I okay. So that's that's totally me, and I've never thought about it from that standpoint. I thought it was good to be a fixer. You were being nice. No. You're not It's like, hey, you know, you've got a problem. Yeah. Instead of just talking about it, let's do something about it. It's like, let's let's eliminate the problem then. No. You know you know what? Vanilla Ice contributed to that. Like, he he created this culture where, like, you got a problem, you all solve it. Right? Check out the beat by the DJ Revolves I was gonna say, is this is this about to happen? A Vanilla Ice problem.

And it's it's created a generation of men who who handle it incorrectly because they think Ice handles it this way. Maybe I will too. I've never thought to myself, man, I wonder what Vanilla Ice would do in this situation. And I think that's done me pretty well so far. So apparently, I have been apparently, I have been doing what what would Vanilla Ice do. You're easily influenced by media. You just don't know it. Apparently so. I didn't realize it this whole time. Guys, thank you for thank you for for the rebuke. I appreciate it, guys. We'll save you. Dear life in the path. I am planning to attend a birthday party for my friend Sofia, who is turning 50.

When I mentioned to her that I would be shopping for her birthday gift, she asked that while I was shopping for her that I also pick up a gift for her friend Stacy. I have met Stacy only a couple of times, and I think it was extremely nervy for Sofia to ask me to do it. The party is only for her, and I don't see the connection. Sofia has done this in the past, and I'm trying to think of a way to tell her I'd rather not buy a gift for her friend. How should I handle this? Go

ahead, Dan. Well, I was like, so it's it's it's a, like, a gift to give to the other friend or a gift to give to the friend to give to the 50 year old? Like, well, my other friend doesn't have any No. It says that I also pick up a gift for her friend, Stacy. Yeah. So give to her. Yeah. It sounds like to give her her friend a I'm out buying Ben I'm out buying Ben a gift. And Ben says, hey, while you're out, get a gift for Dan. Pick something up for Dan. Pick something up for Dan. I I would appreciate that. I don't really know Dan that well. I what what's your advice here? Oh.

I no. Just say no. Yeah. Why why is it a big deal? You're a grown woman. Just say no. Just say, hey. You know, I don't really know, Tammy, that well. I I'm getting a gift for you. Yeah. You got to go purchase something for you by getting something else for someone else. Yeah. Exactly. I'm No. No. That's alright. I'm okay with that. I'd rather we both have something. Okay. Then you can go get her something. I'm gonna get you something because you're my friend. Oh, but you said it was because you don't want to cheapen my gift. I'll take something cheaper to help out, Stacy. It has nothing to do with expenses. That's what Dan said. Is for me. It's not what I'm saying. It's all about expenses. I care about I mean, even if you ask me to go pick her up a pack of erasers, like, don't care. I don't know this gal. I'm not gonna do it. You heartless boob. What if like a guy what if she needs help, wants some erasers? Of course, there's no way that I can come out of this. No. I had I had a $25 budget for your gift. You now have $12.50. Yeah. And she says that I'm fine with that. Did you? Did you? Sandra? You get socks. Yeah. Exactly. Sandra, you are getting something from the target dollar section.

So is your friend. If you're standing on principle, I wouldn't give her anything to play with. I wouldn't tell her tell give her money to deal with and say, here's how you can space it up with me and I don't yeah. I'm not buying Say, no. She can buy her own gift. I assume that she's a big boy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not buying something for you. I don't know that guy. I'm not gonna buy her a gift. Yeah. If this is your friend, yeah. Just straight up say, No. I'm not gonna No. I'm gonna pass. In fact, I would say, hey. I'm not gonna do that. Why would I do that? Right. Exactly. One of my friends calls me up and I said, hey, I'm out birthday shopping for you. And he says, hey, bud. Dude, can you get something for this guy too? I'm sure he would love a gift. I'd go, no. Thanks.

But I got your gift, I'm pretty excited about it. So here actually, see, this goes back to the previous article, though. These are problems that ladies have. Ladies have this type of problem. This is not this is not a man problem. This would never come up. I was gonna say, yeah. I would I can't think of a guy in the world who'd like, how do I handle this situation? Like, no. I will not be buying this. We need ladies' opinion. Why do women keep writing this? Because we're we're awful Exactly. We're awful at this. We're like, no. Alright. Okay. We need to get a full time lady on staff. Secular says, tell Sofia with a smile capital letters Oh. That you are not close to Stacy. Don't know her taste and do not feel comfortable shopping for her. Smiling

when you say it should prevent your refusal from appearing confrontational. Yeah. That is awesome. Makes Use your body language and facial expressions to pretty much lie. Yeah. Make it seem super pleasant when you're giving her news that she's not gonna wanna hear. To fool your friend into believing you. You should buy her a second gift Doesn't it? To let her know that you're not gonna buy her a gift for her friend. Isn't that the straight up, like, wicked? Like, to be, like, smiling and, like Exactly. I don't I don't know her. I don't know that person. I'm not even sure what she would want. We sound really hoity hoity when mom gets this person. No. That's terrible. That's terrible advice. That's bad. I don't know this person. The first part was good. Yeah. Yeah. We're in agreement so far until the smile that had to be introduced into it. Smile in all caps. Alright. Final Here

we go. Last one. Dear life in the path. We went out to dinner with another couple. The wives are psychiatric nurses. The husbands are a banker and a business owner. All of us are accustomed to dealing with sensitive issues. A woman at the table next to ours went to the ladies room Oh, no. When she returned a short train of toilet paper. Yes. Was caught in the waistband of her slacks. Yes. It was very obvious. There was silence, but a palpable energy. So the woman knew something was amiss and it might have something to do with her. The tissue floated with each step.

So I knew it wasn't weighed down with moisture. Because I it's it's just far too much detail in this question. Right. Because I didn't perceive it to be an imminent public health threat, I joined the silent legion. Yes. That's why you should step in. Wow. Did I miss a moral imperative by not letting her know? I didn't know how to do it discreetly. If this should ever happen again, what, if anything, should I do?

Here. Oh, go ahead. Oh. She she's a stranger and it doesn't really matter. I mean, she'll be embarrassed either way. It's just embarrassing. So just ignore it. Yeah. She's either gonna find out about it right now, be embarrassed in front of you, or she's gonna find out about it later and then be embarrassed

after she's seen you and then not have to deal with you. Yeah. It's almost more mortifying that a stranger perfect stranger comes up and says, excuse me, you have toilet paper trail on them, you know. No. And hold on a second. This is not like coming out of her shoe. It's in her slacks. Yeah. Yeah. Top of the slacks. And I'd tell her. I'd tell her directly. I I am of the thought of I would just go up to her and say it yes. Yeah. Yeah. But what's it gonna take? Just kinda Actually, said my it was a woman. Right? Yes. I have my wife do it. I have my wife kinda come up to her, you know, like, maybe to this is why I'm not gonna do it. Like, maybe kinda turn it slowly in the back, block maybe I'm blocking the view a little bit and say, hey, you got toilet paper cut hanging out the top. Just want to let you know. I'm just blocking the way. Go ahead and grab it. Nice. That is yeah. Would that's good idea. Have the wife do it. Then I Good thoughts. Then my wife can share a wink. Maybe she'll buy us dinner. And then we'll move on with our day. Maybe she'll buy us dinner. Because what's in it for me? I love I love the beginning of this story. It is so great. Two psychiatric nurses Yeah. Okay. A businessman and a banker Thank you for the details. We know how to handle

delicate social situations. No one knows toilet paper like But toilet paper is out someone's slacks, all four of us are dumbfounded. You bring us a conversation that is just completely crazy,

we can handle it. Toilet paper? Not our style. Ridiculous.

I joined the silent legion. I make something a moral imperative? Like, here's the deal. Nothing moral. Here's the deal. Like, either I don't understand the ambiguity. Either let it go or tell her. The Should I? Should I not? Should I? Should I not? That I don't understand. If I should ever account I encountered the situation where someone has toilet paper coming off of their slacks again,

what should I do? It's like, wow. If there are people I'm with, I will I will tell them every time. You know, if there's pepper in their teeth or, you know, hey. You gotta poke her out of here. No. Hanging out here. You know, whatever. But but a total stranger, I figured It said the woman knew something was amiss though, Dan. Like, I mean, aren't you helping her out? She knows something, like, is odd. People are looking at her funny. I feel like just to tell her. Yeah. I know when something's weird about what's up with me. Like, I somebody doesn't have to tell me all the time if something weird is going on. If I have, like, a hole in my pants or something like that, I can normally just kind of feel the situation that something's going on. The breeze should give me a That's that's what I meant by feel the situation. Like, I have like straight up like split pants before. And not like like down the side of the leg before. Yeah. And I'm at work and it was it was weird because someone random came up to me and said, hey, I don't know if you noticed, but you got a huge split in your pants down your leg. And my immediate reaction was, oh, well crap. Thanks. I appreciate that. If someone would have let me walk around all day not knowing that that was going on,

I would have been like, hey. Why the heck didn't any you guys tell? Your workplace. But I mean, like, you're at a restaurant. Whatever. I mean, I just think it would be mortifying and embarrassing for them. I think it's already embarrassing. She oh, yeah. It is. It is. Yeah. Yeah. I would just tell her that. There's no way it's not gonna be embarrassing. It can be embarrassing for much longer if you wait. Yeah. We are so good. Advice. Yeah. The damage can easily be taken care of by going I but I'm okay. It makes sense to me to have it fall one way or the other. Yeah. Ambiguity, however, I just I don't I don't understand. Alright. I'll doing it now.

You lukewarm person. Oh, man. This was a guy asking. Alright. Here we go. Maybe we can help him. Secular says Oh, it was the guy asking. Yeah. Yeah. The guy was asking the question. Oh, okay. Gotcha. Imagine if the person with the paper trail was you or your wife. Would you want to know so that when you got up to leave the restaurant, all eyes didn't follow you out? A discreet way to have let the woman know there was a problem would have been for you or your wife to have written her a note and give it to her service to pass to her. That way she would know there was a problem with the least amount of embarrassment. That'd be worse.

We're all talking about it. Feel weird because then I'd be trying to figure out who noticed. Yeah. Oh my head. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. It's like if if the waiter comes up, excuse me, miss. And then hands me a note that says, hey, you got TV coming off your butt. I'd be like, and rip it out, and then be like, I wonder who saw it. Who's looking at me? And then I'd be awkwardly looking around the room trying to match gazes with the person who had personally seen the TP coming off of me. Yeah. Rather than the person just coming up to me like, hey. Here's the situation. Yeah. I'm a do it personally. You have some TP coming off. Yeah. You better say it. Alright. Thanks for listening to Live The Path. Hey. You can catch us during the week at livefromthepath.org

for previous clips of the show. You can sign up for the audio podcast and also some details on the upcoming event. July 15 at Zeke's, we got four bands coming in and it's a $55 at the door. Should be a really really great show. I will definitely be out there and we'll love to see you guys out and yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Go to website. You can check out more details about that. There's also a Facebook event. If you go to our Facebook page, you can check that out. Thank you for listening to Live From The Path. If you need to send us an email, get a hold of us at all. It's [email protected].

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