Live from the Pathway Studios in Johnston proper. You are live from the path. Am working May. I get things done.

Work for the Holy Ghost. We're here this all night. This one day, we're we're broke amateurs and have no idea how to run a program. So I'm very very sorry that this has happened to you. That's the dead truth. Yeah. Yeah. You know, that's just what goes on around here. So, hey, let's see. Here we here's what we got going on the show tonight. Oh, first of all, don't let me forget. First of all, Chris Akers was on the on the show last week. If you didn't pick up his album, Nowhere Home, go pick that up. It's a it's a pretty cool album. And his his tunes are up on the on the the website. So go to livefromthepath.org.

You can check that out. Also, shoot. I you know what? I wrote this stuff down, and then I forgot to bring it with me. Mike, you remember a friend of the show, Ryan Schiehler? Ryan Schiehler was on there? Yeah. So he's he's doing, like, a like, a Christmas event in Ames. Let me let me find it real quick so I can get you the get you the details because Yeah. It looked pretty cool. Everybody says they're having some kind of Christmas event, Ben. It happens this time of year. Yeah. Kinda crazy. I kinda like to call it bandwagoning.

You know? Yeah. Yeah. What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? Do you not understand what bandwagoning is? No, man. I understand what you're saying, but like Well, it's like everybody's going, hey, it's December. What should we do? How about a Christmas event? Yeah. Right on. Everybody else is doing it. Yeah. No. That's true. That's passe. Like peer pressure. Lame. Here we go. It's a a very Sheeler Christmas. That's awesome. Alright. It's December 3 at 07:00. It's at Zeke's in Ames. Oh, yeah. Yeah. We've done some stuff with Zeke's. That's cool. So go go pick that up. You can it's in five days. You go to just do a search for it. Just do a search for A Very Sheila Christmas.

Our man will pop right up there. He's gonna do songs and stories. He's got a special guest. I think it is it free? My daughter could walk there. She live real close to the Zeke's? Yeah. Real close. Well, that's cool. They got they got some they got some pretty good stuff coming through there now and Alright. Anyway, so make make sure you check that out before I forget. You can go to A Very Sheila Christmas set Saturday, December 3 at 07:00.

Lots of cool stuff going on there and enjoy those Christmas tunes. You know, I I've been out on the look for for Christmas action. Like, I wanted to catch first of all, I wanted a good midnight mass somewhere. Like, somebody was like a big a big choir or something. Yeah. But preferably in some sort of stone temple of sorts. And so far, I like, we went to one,

what was it, two years ago, and it was like an old it was an old Lutheran church downtown. And it wasn't midnight though, it was like 10:00. And I mean, it was it was hot. It was steaming Hades in there at 10:00. And and

they they have I I maybe this is is like this. I I just I didn't grow up in the tradition. But, like, they had everybody tucked away. Like, you couldn't see the choir or they had a guy on a trumpet and a band and everything, but, like, they weren't in the room. They were, like, in a different room or under the room or behind a bunch of partitions and stuff, but, like, you couldn't see anybody. Under the room? Yeah. I I do they do people do do churches do an orchestra pit? I mean, I was supposed to I've seen baptisteries under the, you know, ground, but Like they rise up out of the floor? No. No. They're just like they move the pulpit and they open up a trap door and there's a baptistery down there. I don't know. There's something creepy about that. I I I wouldn't I wouldn't prefer that. But some of old school baptism. A hundred years ago, churches were, you know, it just, I don't know, gets cheaper or something. I don't know why they did it that way. Yeah. Mean Dig a hole. I mean, you're gonna go that route, can't you just use the the Lord's made body of water, you know, opposed to the Houdini door that creeps people out? I don't know. Yeah. Right. Go to a lake. Like, why you gotta install one in your own place if all you're gonna do is dig a pit under the stage? Yeah. I've been That's weird. Alright. Anyway, so I if you have any suggestions for me though, because, like, I I can spread that out. We we can go to I was gonna go to, like, three or four different Christmas type events. Yeah.

And so, like, the week of Christmas is what I was thinking. So, like, if you got a good recommendation, from your church or to your family or whatever, I'll come to your place. I'm I'm gonna bring in quite a few folk with probably. So shoot me an email info life from the path dot org, I'd be interested in that. Speaking of, Christmas events though, in addition to A Very Sheila Christmas,

there We Are Leo is doing a ugly Christmas party, at Pathway Church. Dan, what are the what are the details on that? Well, it's the ninth, December ninth at 06:30PM. And, yeah, We or Leo's gonna be here. They're gonna sounds like it sounds like a pretty fun time. I mean, they're they're pretty up and coming as far as the band goes, you know, and a lot of people know who they are and and

And we've interviewed them before. We've interviewed them. Yeah. But I think we're really what launched them. Yeah. That's yeah. That's They put a lot of that's they that's a lot of credit comes to life in the path. Uh-huh. But that'll be ugly Christmas sweater. They're gonna have prizes and and I don't It should be fun. They'll sing Christmas songs and do some of their their normal We Are Leo tunes and should be a great time. Roll out cookies and hot cocoa and that'll be freebie. But yeah, it'll be good. Otherwise, it's it's $10 at the door. Yeah. We're asking people for bucks. It just kind of helps cover the cost a little bit and

which is a lot cheaper than the Michael W. Smith concert that is this Sunday. Think it's like $50. Holy cow. $50? Yeah. Is he doing Christmas too? Yeah. Him and Amy Grant are together. Oh, man. Yeah. Yeah. That's a that's a powerhouse of nineties Christian music. I suppose you can get in for less than 50. Yeah. Then then whoever someone who just won The Voice is or something was with him too. Whoever I don't know. Danielle, my daughter knew who it was. Yeah. A good majority of people that win, like, the American Idols and the voices seem to be Jesus folks. I've noticed that. I don't know if it's because they tend to

have a venue where they sing a lot more than an average person who, you know True. Unless they're, like, doing, you you know, the the karaoke or whatever. Yeah. But if you're an up and coming let's say you're a young person that needs a place to sing, you know, you can get a weekly gig, and that equals now biweekly because I'm assuming there's a practice in there where you're getting your pipes out and doing some singing. Yeah. Yeah. Where apart from the the, you know, the church culture, I don't know exactly where you'd be gonna hang out with a bunch of buddies and and sing. No one wants to do that. Maybe in a Irish bar? Yeah. Mean, is I there don't know how many of those are around here. Is there more Irish bars? I feel like we could you know, that that they'd have a strong possibility to meet the Christians on the Voice, but it doesn't seem to be the deal. I only mentioned Ireland because I figured you haven't been there to verify whether or not they sing a lot. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah. I don't know.

It'll be fun. It'll be good. Alright. So here's what got going on the show tonight besides random Christmas stuff. We do have some advice on Dear Life from the Path. People still need to the holidays are coming around or actually, I suppose we're in the midst of them and people still need help. So we'll do some advice on Dear Life from the Path. Also, I and and Dan, you you saw this because this was this was in a group that both Dan and I are in. But there was a guy Oh, yeah. The manifesto man, like, who was, like, a third third way man

about a different way to live Yeah. For dudes. Right. And, like, I started looking through a few of these articles and I'm I'm kind of interested because it there's parts of this that seem to bring, like, reinforcing a firm biblical understanding of kind of men. And then some of it just some of it goes off the rails. I thought it was like a secular version of kingdom living. Yeah. That was my thought as I was reading through it. That's tough to put together, boys. Yeah. I need some Jesus but,

like, he wants he wants what Jesus offers but he's not quite there with Jesus. You know, it's it's interesting how often you see people that are that have, like, a philosophical view upon life and, like, it is it is almost almost dead on gospel living except they're just afraid to attribute it to Jesus or or they or they refuse to. Like, what are you guys Yeah. I don't not this. Probably not fear. Or or they don't know the difference, but, like, there's just a lot of here where, like, the the affirmation of kind of understanding about

men and women is different and and what that what that means and and, how you ultimately what those relate right relationships look like as opposed to building into, like, a single unisex person. But, like,

the the thing is is, like, a lot of things that he advocates don't lack a foundation. Like, it's just an assertion that he's making. Whereas, if I can pull back and say, look, biblically, this is how we were created. God describes how people are created. He describes kind of what these what these different genders kind of have

and his expectations on how they behave and things like that. Like, then there's a core to it as opposed to just a guy somewhere in Utah or something who's like, this is what dudes should be. Yeah. Well, it's actually it seems to be a lot harder for both men and women to agree on something when it was one of the other's idea. You know what I'm saying? So, like, third way man says, here's how I think this should roll. You know, like, that that is harder to agree to than what appears to be an independent, and if you believe it to its extent, origination of of where the idea came from, then you can say, well, as the designer,

I feel like you got a pulse on this thing. You know, we can agree to it opposed to just a guy saying, here's how I feel like our relationships work, not only definition of my role, but yours as well. That's a little bit harder to palette. Right. Your six k plus years of humanity and, like, finally, this man nails it at 2016. Right. Right? That he that he finally got the pulse on it as opposed to lord who created these people and says, like, this is kinda how it is and, like, tying back to that actually lends some credibility to some of the things that he's saying. Hey. What's this guy, like, 28 or something? Yeah. Who knows? He's got the wisdom of the ages. Yeah.

Yeah. I've got this figured out. So here, let me read a little I'll read a little about about what he says. This is from thirdwayman.com. He says, what does healthy masculinity look like today? How should we best live our lives as men? Society gives us two basic the way of the a hole and the way of the coward. The first way is the way of the a hole. The a hole is the man who relies on brute force to get what he wants. He is high strength, low love, capitalized for your for your enjoyment. The second way is the way of coward. The coward is the man who plays nice guy and hopes someone will throw him a bone. He is high love, low strength. We reject these two equally,

well, let's say crappy options. We choose option three. The third way man lives a life of benevolent power, full colon, for his own sake and the sake of those he serves. He is high strength, high love. He is the full package. Third way man is the tribe of men who aspire to live lives of benevolent power. Now here's the deal. You know, high right off, like that that's sounds like Jesus. Yeah. Like it describes Jesus. Lives characterized by strength and love in equal measure. Men who refuse to emasculate themselves the second way or return to the dark ages of male female relations the first way. The legacy of first ways masculinity

is destruction. The legacy of second way masculinity is impotence. The legacy of third way masculinity is creation. I don't get that part. Our purpose is to help men remove. The That's just a bold thing to say. Just say creation. That sounds cool. Our purpose is to help men remove the, again, we'll say crap that keeps them stuck so they can come into their full power as strong, loving creators, radically free, inspired, alive. To learn more, click on the links below. And so so I I think there there is something too, like, let's what's odd here is you can throw out probably 90% of the words, but the basic premise of, we are equal parts.

Like, to to the extent that we feel like we are defined by a single descriptor or an option of how to to act as a man significantly decomplicates and falsely describes what it is to live as a man. It is it is not

it is not a single thing. It is a balance, a strong balance of multiple things that otherwise makes a man. And what what was interesting here let me see if I can find find one of the articles.

The the oh, here we go. Let's try this one. It had to do with, no. No. No. That's not the one. It was it had to do with, of being a father

being a father. I I thought it was interesting just poking around the comments of people on his blog of all these guys saying, yeah. Yeah. I've been waiting for something like this. And they're they're they're really identifying with the things he's saying. And and it's like,

think I think these are guys that look at the church as a bunch of wimpy girly guys, and so, like, we don't want that. But they like this guy, his secular view. So they're they're craving manhood. And Is it is it because is it because people in the church generally I mean, is it just merely because there there's joy in doing it? Right? Like, guys the guys that we're talking about, that I grew up in church, a good portion of them, the ones that I would look up to anyway, like, they handled their their job well. They stood up for their family. They treated their wife with respect. They weren't really pushed around much. They didn't cowardly roll over, but they just happened to have a smile on their face and be kinda joyful about it opposed to, like, twisting their beard and sharpening their axe and at the same time sewing a teddy bear. Right? Like, it almost feels like he's selling a stereotype that that that that can't live as one, although he's promoting it to be one. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. I I mean, I think it's it's like you say, the stereotypes, the big thing is is people

have this impression of what they think dudes in the church are like. You know, they're sitting around singing songs, holding hands, kissing each other on the cheek. Yeah. They're like, I don't know that I want that, but I want some manly stuff. And they see a guy like this, and it's like, yeah. Yeah. They they were really identifying with what what he was saying, what's writing, and his opinions on things. And see, you know, I kind of agreed with it too. Like, just the portion that I read, I thought, you know, I I get along with this. But I mean, if if you were to take the problem is is is where it's sourcing. Right? Like Mhmm. Right. Is it sourcing to my own glory as a man? Or am I saying because here's this is where I thought this this fell through, if you wanna get to the brass tacks of it. It's like the the what he's prescribing is strength under control. Right? And that's Right. That's exactly what we're talking about when we're talking about a guy that follows Christ. Yeah. Right? And so, he he's taking all that. The problem is is like what happens when you fail at that? Because you're gonna fail at it. Right? Like, I can go back to the promise that my father made me and says, look. I created you to be this way. You're gonna screw it up. I'm gonna give you I'm gonna give you the strength to continue on and and and not just bail on it or or or say, look. I I can't do this. Right? Because the truth of the matter is the life that he's describing is it's heavy. It's a heavy burden life. And like, it's you soon kinda grow to welcome that burden and and call it as part of your own, but like, in the beginning, it it really is it's just flat out heavy. When you

responsibility for your kids, that much responsibility for your wife, not that you shouldn't, not that there's an option b where you don't get to do that, but like, once you start taking all those things and and and really say, look, I'm I'm I'm ingrained in these and I'm a pivotal role in these things and I'm gonna be that, then you realize that it it does weigh heavy on you. And if it doesn't, you're probably not doing it right. But I don't know how you can continue to, do those things when you screw them up without a source of refreshment. Right? Like, without without a source of of I created you for this. Calm down. I got you covered. You know? And, like, that's and and maybe that's the standard cop out that people will be like, Christians are weak. They can't do anything without this god of theirs. Yeah. And I'd say, yeah. You're you're probably right. I can't. I was trying to think, I was corresponding with someone tonight

who I just met and they were saying about some disappointment they had in their life. This is little bit off topic what you were saying, something you said kind of made me think of this. And I wish I could think of the line. It was something like this person has has spent the last few years looking for

the Messiah or trying to work out the Messiah that disappointed them and finding like, the god that they needed, not the god that they wanted or or something something to that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know? And I thought that was just such a powerful thing this person has been going through of working out their life and some some genuine hardship has happened. And and

I I don't know. I just kinda felt for the person. And I don't know. So someone you said kinda triggered that in my my mind, I guess, because it's still fresh in my mind. But it's weighing through real faith and real life and and and That's a heavy prospect. Right? Because, like, now that is a lot of a thing that a lot of people who grow up in church struggle with is the God that they were that they were taught or the God God that they created based on what they were taught. You know, they may have gotten great teaching and they just made this image of God. Yeah. We take all the positive stuffs home with us. Jesus is always smiling and my life should always be happy and and it's my best life ever and and it's all this stuff. And and and the reality is we live in the cesspool of sin and some of that's gonna splash on us and and whether we did it or not,

we live with the consequences. Correct. And sometimes life is just plain hard. And that that is tough sometimes. And they say, where's smiley Jesus that I that was supposed to help me? We're always getting Jesus. We're supposed to be holding hands going down the the street, you know, whistling a tune, and it's not like that. And And then that's when people get angry at God and and and leave, and then they they maybe identify with a guy like this that Ben's talking about that he's just this dude saying, you know, the fuck up guys is supposed to be men, you know, and Yeah. Don't don't be pansy boy and and don't be, you know, overpowering boy. Just be just be a guy. You know? I would have a hard time saying that I'm a third way man. You know what I'm saying? I'm

a third way. It's it just doesn't sound right, you know? And maybe that's the There should be some cool t shirts with that though that that could just get some conversations going. What do you mean your third wave? Well, you know. Yeah. Well, I want my own bathroom. That's all. That's all I'm saying. You could take it how you want.

Yeah. I don't know. It's it it seems like he's, once again, like, where from where he's coming from, I don't think we can disagree with the, with the output. Right? What what we're what we're maybe having qualms on is, like, I don't know how you sustain that without input, and I don't know how you sustain that without a reason. Right? Like, how many good ideas have you had in your twenties where you're like, yes, sir. This is the way to live. Only to figure out by the time you're 32, you go, man, I was a I was an idiot. Maybe. Yeah. This Maybe not. This was not the way to live, you know? And so, like, without any long term sustainability

and source of someone smarter than I am, like, you just you start to appreciate, you know, ideas that did not come from you that have wisdom wrapped up in them. And, like Yeah. When when when Jesus is the source of that and and a lot of the Bible is the source of that, then I can say, look, this has been in place for thousands of years coming from a god that said this is how our things gonna be. I don't know. I could put a little bit more credibility in that, you know. Hey, DeKarys. Hey. Hey. How's it going? Pretty good, buddy. How are you? Alright. Alright. Feeling good. Excellent. Ben, you got any more information from Third Way, man? Yeah. So so I found I think the the article that I was thinking he says five signs that you're stuck in the fatherhood matrix. And I got a picture of a dude pushing a Yugo up a up a hill here. Okay. They said here's here's the article. Says they said fatherhood would be the pinnacle. They said the joys of fatherhood would outweigh its agonies. They said that fatherhood would give more than it took. Lies. Shipwrecking life destroying lies. Yes. Fatherhood is the ultimate and highest masculine experience, but fatherhood itself does not supply the resources required to survive, let alone thrive within it. That's why the good dads, in quotes, are the most miserable. You can see it in their eyes. Beneath the dutiful smiles, you see the caged eyes of an animal. These aren't the models to follow. These are the dads who break, the brittle ones who explode like glass when their thin strategy can no longer contain the demon's rise. Our generation of men has been brainwashed,

handed a BS script for fatherhood and masculinity that does not work. And so we find ourselves in the fatherhood matrix, practicing a form of masculinity and fatherhood that profoundly disempowers and emasculates, leaving us paralyzed and prostrate while the parasites suck us dry. Here are the five biggest lies of the fatherhood matrix. Here we go. Lie number one, family comes first. He says, again, the BS. It all comes first. You are wired for family and for work. Your left foot doesn't come before your right, neither should your family come before your work. You must be all in on both. Otherwise, you'll always wonder.

Well, that'd be terrible to wonder. I feel like a that's a burden I could carry. You know what I'm saying? Like, I could I could live all my days and go, I wonder what would happen here, and I don't think that would be a heavier burden than shortchanging, the time that is required of me at my family. Yeah. I I think the, I think the point he's making that he's perhaps made too strongly and in effect poorly,

is that your if your work is your work is part of who you are, it's what you do, it contributes to how you interact and otherwise provide for your family. And so, like, those two those two things are intermingles. Like, they are not separate from each other. They are they are part of, kind of a broader concept or of amalgamate of who you actually are.

And so, like, for example, I've turned down a number of jobs that I knew that I wouldn't like because, frankly, it would be it would make me angry during the day and then I would be I wouldn't be good for my family when I got home. Like, I make I make job choices for my family, but I also there's also jobs that I've taken. In fact, most of the jobs I've taken, I do not because I love them, but because they otherwise provide for my family and are tolerable. And so, you know, I I think it's I think to say that those two things are more are come go together, I think, makes a lot of sense. Is he saying that, like, the the the counter to that is there's a bunch of guys saying, look. What? Like like, what guy is he addressing here?

A guy that would choose that that would flake out at work saying, I got family stuff to do or No. I think it's someone who otherwise chooses, like, is probably in an is in an uninspired job or, basically lacks the ambition

within what they're currently doing outside of the home, because of what they're doing at home or like they're just working to provide as opposed to letting that be an avenue of additional opportunity, and frankly of as as examples. So let me read through a few of these because I think he he ties that up, a little bit better in one of the the subsequent points. Lie number two, dads have to dream smaller.

How insidious. The idea that you're somehow off the hook for making your dent because you have a family. Being a husband and father is not an excuse to play it small. You have mouths to feed and greatness to model. That means you need to go bigger, not smaller. Yeah. Okay. I drew that. So so and I think this this actually goes better into the first one, and this this meant something to me. I I was thinking through this and I thought, like, my job the job of a father isn't to maintain whatever status quo happened to shake out. Right? Like, if if part of your, job as a father is to demonstrate,

and be an example to your kids, then then don't just don't just phone it into a crappy job that you don't like. Like, what kind of example is to that? It's not that it's not virtuous. Like, it's not like, I understand what you're fighting for, but, like, you're missing where you're failing is is missing out on an example to provide them on pursuing differently. And I don't I don't care if it makes more money. I just like, is it something that you're passionate about and something that inspires your kids or, like, benefits the world as opposed to, like, just a a trading time for check? Actually, you know what? I think that,

that feeds into some of the reasons, you know, that the output of our children are are so me focused anyway. Right? Like and this is this is broadly true for parents anyway, but, like, if you spend your entire existence when you're let's say, when your children are living with you, you're like, I you know, when when my kids were young, this is what I do and I make sure that I'm here and, like, you you cut cut all ambition aside. Right? You didn't actually teach them how to live life. You taught them to be doted upon. Right? Like, essentially, you didn't show them how life is done, how you interact with the outside world. You showed them that they're the most important person in the world and, like and and you don't live life apart from them. And, you know, there there's certain parts of that that you want your kids to know. Right? Like, that you do love them and that they are safe and they are protected and they are a priority. But, like, I don't know how you can instill children how to live life if you actually put your entire life on hold as soon as you had them. There is there is a small lesson to be learned in there on why maybe our the generation, you know, prior to this one came out and they are just extremely self centered. You know what I'm saying? Like like the the all trophy generation and I need a grant for this generation and and, you know, we're gonna do all these things because I don't like it.

Really, I mean, we've we've we've done some work to create that. We've been had a decent hand in that. Yeah. And I I think this is a pretty pretty positive thing to remember, I suppose, a dad, is that, like, my example extends beyond the time that I sit in reading a book to my child. Right? Like, what what am I doing with my life outside of that? Or as my actual life, like, as a dad, as a father, like, as a person, as a husband, like, all those things are part of the example. And for the virtue of providing for your family, have you accepted something lower than what it needs to be in the job you do or the things that you do outside of that? And I think I don't know. That's an interesting thought, is that when you think you're doing the right thing, you're actually shortchanging the example to your kids by giving up on some things where he's he's basically saying it's both. Suck it up. It's both. You can't bail on one for the other. Agreed.

Number three was lie number three, fatherhood makes you soft. Fatherhood is not a call to soften your edges, make nice, or dial back your intensity. A call to create a better life for your wife and children. And in today's marketplace, that means not dueling but sharpening your edge. Line number four, dads are too busy to crush it. I don't care how many kids you have or how effed up your life feels to you. Wow. This guy's a little salty. You have everything you need to succeed. It's not about how much time you log, but how much courage you bring to the table. Courage collapses time and makes the impossible possible now. Oh, hang on. He's starting to sound like one of the motivational posters. You know what I'm saying? This is like an eight guys in a rowboat at like 5AM, you know. Like, you you gotta get out there and crush it. See, this is the same problem I have with sometimes we we go through stuff in in our church services or we go through a bible study and they're you know, they they come out with some kind of vague point of like, you just have to follow Jesus better. And I'm like, well, how? Can you be more specific? And so like, let's say I get up tomorrow, I'm like, that guy's right. I'm gonna crush it. And then I start driving to work and I'm like, I wonder how thing I wonder how you crush it.

Mean, I'll do it. I just wanna know how it's done, and I will I will do it. You know? Right. I will take a right turn courageously. Yeah. That's because courage collapses time and makes the impossible possible now. That's a really long, inconvenient bumper sticker, but I you know, right, there's not a lot of substance to that. Right? I mean, I'm gonna do it all day tomorrow. I'm gonna go to the gas station, get a breakfast sandwich, think crushed it. I bought the exact one I wanted, and I did it with gusto. I'll pay debit.

No card reader? I'm out of here. Here we go. Lie number five, a dad's life is a life of duty. Duty is the crappiest way to move your life forward. It is the method of last resort. Yes. When your car runs out of gas, you will need to physically push it down the road, but that should be the exception, not the norm. You must, must, must get and stay inspired. Stop pushing the damn car and flip the nitro. If you do not rip yourself free from the fatherhood matrix, it will systematically destroy you. You will burn out in a long tragic fizzle or in a giant implosion in a moment of rock bottom desperation. You must solve for fire. I don't get it. Rip out the tubes. Burn the script.

Pee on their plan for your life for you to be their meek, apologetic, guilt riddled side of meat. Find your fire again, whatever it takes. Wake at dawn, make the pilgrimage, climb the mountain. You don't need to throw it all away. The life of fire is not about burning it all down in some cathartic reclamation. It's about bringing the heat everything you do so you can finally forge the life you've always wanted one hammer blow at a time. Yeah. I mean, once again, you know what I'm saying? I I it's it's motivational. I if you are motivated by the things that he's saying. Right? But, like, it doesn't take anybody to put two thoughts together and go, hey, man.

I'm gonna need a little bit clearer direction if that's what you want me to do. Like, how do I set fire to things? Like, climb what? Pilgrimage where? What do you want me to do? I was kinda happy before I read your blog, and now I'm like, I'm that bad. Okay. Good. We're gonna crush it tomorrow. What's my first step? A, crush it. B, continue crushing throughout day. C, intensely crush something. Yeah. You know, like, I I get what you're saying. Don't don't get caught in the humdrum of of taking your value out of out of the the place you've been given. But once again, that value was given to me as far as I can tell by God to to to perform functions that he designs. And like, if I if I wanna crush something, I wanna crush a plan that is only capable through the hands of a living God and I will go, he crushed it. I just did what I was told. I'm okay living there. Right? Like, I don't need the accolades. I don't need to be on fire for things. I don't need to be all crazy and uppity. I just I'm I'm I'm rather comfortable with, the God of all creation creating things that he will crush and I'll say, how would you like me to be part of this action? So that feels alright. Yeah. So I think the counter

the the opposite side of this from a Jesus perspective would be we don't live a life as if we serve a god that crushes it. You know what I'm saying? Like, if the the gap here is really we're phoning it in. Like, like, frankly, a lot and this is true for a lot of dudes. Like, we're just phoning it in. We're like, oh, my job sucks. Well, like, well, you work there. Like, you chose the job. You accept the paycheck, and now you're kinda pissing about it. Like, do you not have a you don't have two thoughts? Like, you don't wanna work there? Stop working there. Go do something else. Oh, my wife is terrible. Like, are you working on the relationship? Like, we like, we just have a bunch of dudes like, we're not having a problem with He Man masculinity. We're having problems with people not being rugs and sofas and lazy boys. Like, that's it. Like, we don't even we're looking for these higher definitions of to be a man. Be a functional person.

Like, let's start there, someone whose life is just not, like, crawling all over them. And, that's where a guy like this is born. And, frankly, I think this is why like, I we talk about these things like, hey. Maybe we don't need to speak this way. Right? Like, what do I need motivation for? But, like, something missing because the truth is this like Dan was saying, this does speak to a lot of dudes who are getting stamped on. But the problem is is they don't really need to react in this kinda hyper masculine sensitive, thing. It's just like just stop doing that. Just stop living the life of being trampled on. Live your life intentionally.

And from a from a Christian perspective than it is, it is intentionally being a part of a god that crushes it. And then and that's that's inspiring. Right? That's exciting for the day. It gives me energy to do what we're gonna do. And, like, do I can I wake up in the morning and say, god's gonna crush it today? How do I be part of it? Like, that's that's a life to live. But, like, I I'll be honest. I don't see that in most of the Christian dudes I meet either. No. And and here's the thing. It's like, if you were to ask me point blank, I kinda agree with this man on the stuff that he's saying. It's not like I can't find things to agree with him with. I'm having a harder time finding things to disagree with him with. It's it's just where it's where it could come, where it's pulling from. Right? Where it's coming from. I just don't I if if you're looking at this as a practical way to approach life, I don't know. I've done it on my own steam before and it just it fizzles out very fast. It does not last very long. And I realized that my ideas are self serving. Right? Like, I go out there and I wanna crush something. I'm like, how can Mike crush it? And it's I can only ask for Mike's glory of it's the only response I can come up with. You know? And then and and so, like, the things that they're saying do have a certain fire underneath it that I think somebody could get on board with. I just have a I don't know. I've been let down by by his premise that it's sourced within me. I just I don't know. I maybe I'm just not the manly man that he is. No. No. The the the basic nature is what's your fuel. Right? Like, what are you gonna burn? If it's if you're the guy if it's under your own motivation,

something's fueling you. Is it, it could be money. It could be trying to impress somebody. It could a validation of your own self worth. Whatever it is, something is your fuel. Whereas for the Christian, it the it's the service of Jesus that's the fuel. Now this the Jesus servant guy, like, can't run out of that. He can choose not to put it in the tank or or act like it's the e 15 that's on sale or whatever, but, like, he can't run out of the fuel. Whereas, at some point, all have burned up the the excitement for the money. My jazz for money is gonna die, and it's not gonna power my car anymore. I'm gonna look for something else.

The the the fact that I got a hot wife is gonna burn out at some point. I I I no longer care to impress her. I've impressed her as much as I feel is necessary. And so, like like Shame on you, man. That's terrible. That's why I used the Jesus fuel. I think because I think that's the thing is, like, when I'm not in my in my right mind as a as a sinful man that otherwise treats the world as if it's my oyster at times, Like, sometimes I will selfishly look at my wife and say, got nothing to burn for this. Like, I I want out. Now, the Jesus fuel says, you're burning me and we care about this still, so you're gonna you're still involved. Right? Or or, like, you're gonna keep the job or you're gonna keep raising the kids and you're gonna be excited and you're gonna talk to that guy in the street, And whatever it is, you're gonna give the money to that guy. Like, whatever it is, the Jesus fuel keeps burning. But, like, you at some point, the thing that you're excited about that keeps you motivated staying out of debt or, like, improving your relationships, like, you will get sick of burning that or you'll run out it, and you'll have to find something else to burn. And so I think if you take the the basic principles, which is, look, live a life of intention,

and of and of motivation and why are you letting a world stamp on you, especially if you're in service to a king, and then just fuel just fuel your life, with what Jesus is up to and know that he'd be crushing it, and then you're gonna be fine. Right? And then you're gonna be fine. But, like, I I guess that's the thing that was, like, really, this comes to to the core of of a failure to, to make disciples too. It's like, there's just not a lot of people jazzed about it. There's not a lot of people burning something, burning Jesus' fuel to go out and do kingdom work. We're we are we are passing through. This is why, like, and, like, even within this room, on and off the radio, we've we've had a lot of conversations

between these fellas about, systems and programs and, like, how do you how do you get people to to meet Jesus and, like, what are functional efficient ways to do this? But, like, the core of any of those things is really people that are burning for it. Like, motivated people that are part of whatever system or infrastructure that you have to help people go through those things. And shy of that, it's it's it's not your infrastructure or your system or your program or anything to blame. It's it's a people thing. We're not burning fuel. And so, and I and that is a problem that I think every church in The United States is struggling with, probably to the world. Like,

we're we're shy on people that are not just being, like, joining or passing through something, like, who are actually motivated and intentionally living something, and and and grabbing ahold of it, and and running their life with it. And so, like, what this guy taps into is a, I don't know, a blase reaction to life in general, but we would otherwise redirect and say, look. Your fuel is whatever Jesus got going on as opposed to whatever motivation that you're gonna keep cycling through and not not keeping you moving. Do you think that's the fear, though? Because, like,

the root of it is indeed not living life intentionally. But as soon as you do that, now you're you're all the consequences are on you. Right? Like, if you say, I I don't let things just happen to me. I go out. I live on purpose. Well, as soon as that bus crashes, it's on you because you were driving the bus, and no one wants that responsibility.

And so, like, he he makes a solid point with the coward way of living. Like, it doesn't it doesn't show itself, like, in a cartoonish way as, like, we'd like to think. You know, a guy that just lets someone demean his wife, and he's like, it's okay, hon. We'll go to the car. You know, we're talking about a guy that, like, you have the you have option to to to grab life and live it intentionally even even under the the guidance of a holy spirit. Right? Like, you could still that's still something that you can do intentionally and and and with some gusto. Right? But as soon as you do that, I I I think people are just outright afraid of what happens when they're in charge of driving the bus, when they're in charge of driving their own life and they say, did this intentionally, and it was a monster screw up, but I did do it. And, like, they just they just don't wanna be wrong or they just don't wanna have it fail and have it be on them. And and in all actuality, like, I mean, intentionally living life intentionally and failing has got to be way better than living life by the breeze and getting blown here and there. That just I mean, it's gotta be way better just to have at least have an intentional mindset on how you're gonna do stuff.

I actually was thinking about it's weird that you brought that up because I was thinking and had been for the last few weeks, about whether I am capable of actually being brave. Like, I was thinking about people who die if you're the first person to die for a cause that everyone thinks is stupid.

Right? Like, you're the you're you're the you're you're on the front lines of fighting for something. Like, think think about it this way. The like, people who I don't just pick the civil rights movement. Okay? Right? Like, you had large groups of people that were coming together to fight something that needed fought.

And and, eventually, you saw success in, in changing laws and in changing perspectives and trying to right some wrongs. Okay? But, like, there were guys dying for that same thing in in the eighteen nineties

and the nineteen tens and the nineteen twenties. You know what I'm saying? Like, back when you weren't winning at all, when you stood up to fight and say, look. It's not right that you treat some guy like that, and and and died. Right? It got got killed or got run through a bad law system or whatever. That guy died for a principle, and that will not change for 40. It's different to be standing arm in arm with a thousand people on a on a a road and protesting and feel like you're actually making progress than to be the guy who who frankly got lynched in 1890 for standing up for the right thing then. And I thought,

I don't know if I'm brave. Like, that's that guy's brave. Like, I I feel like I would look out and say and start to weigh some things and do some rationales like, hey. You know, I I should fight this, but, like, I feel like we're not gonna make any progress here. It's not gonna be a benefit. Would I die for a principle? Would I fight for the right principle?

And, like, I it's just been it's been roaming through my mind of how many, how many untold numbers of people who died for the right thing centuries before it was the right thing or centuries before everyone else agreed it was the right thing and it started the fulcrum to change. And and and here's the truth, it may not even have mattered. Like, it'd it'd be nice to think, well, the guy in 1890 had some impact on what happened in the nineteen forties and fifties, but it may not be true at all. Like, he may have had no impact whatsoever, and he was he still died on the right hill for the right thing.

And I often wonder whether I am that brave to to be a lone voice who nobody hears,

who who who fights for the right thing even as it falls on deaf ears, like a Noah or like a or I suppose most prophets were like that in some way or another, Amos. Right? And so I don't know, Mike. Like, it's interesting because we this guy's talking about being courageous or cowardly. And,

I suppose if you live your life with intention, burning the right fuel and otherwise aiming at the right things, you may you may do that with you may implicitly live a brave life because you're otherwise committed to the right things and you're burning the right fuel. But, like,

I think, I I don't know if I'm I don't know if I'll do that. I don't know that I don't know that I would. I think I would rationally think this is not gonna help. That's not the right conversation to have with that person at this time because I don't think it's gonna benefit. How can I figure realign this and figure out a different way to do it?

And there's so there's wisdom in there, but there I think there's also some cowardice. I think there's there's some some cowardice in there too. And whose definition of crushing it are you using? Right? Like, if that guy goes out there and dies for a noble cause and he did the right thing, but he nevertheless died, impacted nothing, did he crush it? I don't know. You know? I suppose to I think it would. I mean,

it's just word-of-mouth. You know? Like, I think just the fact that we're talking about him right now, it had it had to make an impact. True. Unnamed man? Yeah. You know? Because I think, like, at the end of we're to be fair, Nick Harris, we're only talking about his example of someone who didn't have an He's a fake man. Oh, yeah. I understand. Okay. I understand that. But, you know, like, I just think, like,

anytime you you stand up for something, you die for it, it's for a reason. Like, I feel like when people do that, that's the last resort. So it's like, that's basically when Jesus worked the best. You know, like,

he can be an unknown guy that just died and maybe everybody hear about it. And, you know, same thing that happened with Jesus. Like, we talk about him right now. Like, you know, like, he died for everybody, and people just didn't care at all. You know? Like and that's crazy. Nick Harris pulls Like, he can't an excellent parallel. Nick Harris dies

in his own time. The only guy who picks up on it is Roman soldier at the at the at the crucifixion selfie because you know what? He was the deal, while everyone said not the deal. Yeah. He crushed it. He crushed it, but, you know, like like, what I mean, you know, is, like, he he came here. He didn't complain about anything. You know? Like, he

he didn't even have no place to lay. You know? Like, he came and served everybody. So when he died, like, people may might have thought it was for some stupid reason. Like, you know, like, he had to rebuke Peter. Like, you know, like, man, I have to die, basically. You know, like so, I mean, man, people die for stupid reasons to other people that don't understand. True. And you wanna talk about an intentional life.

Right? Like, never never in any of the gospels do you hear say Jesus saying, well, we're gonna postpone. Weather's going foul. Or, hey, man. We're out of wine. Yeah. It's fine. I I will intentionally fix this one. Yeah. It just seemed like that one guy, like, he's just depending on himself too much. Like, I'm I think I'm with you guys, like, I wouldn't put that much on on myself, you know, like It's well, it is the downside though, like from times that I wouldn't crush it, then how would I feel when I don't crush it? You know, I'd rather just give it to Jesus. He wasn't really talking Do you have I mean, do you have to be under some type of false self aggrandizement

to feel like you're always crushing it? You know what I'm saying? Like, when when I have to I would have to lie to myself to think every day I crush it. I know that can't be the truth. Right? That can't be the truth. Too much on my soul. Like, I didn't crush it today. Right. I mean, it could start right in the beginning of the day. You go to put your undies on, you're like, these are all terrible. I didn't crush it. I'm gonna have to wear a second rate pair. That's bad news. You know? Yeah. No. And that's true. Like, I I suppose this is where having floating definitions is quarrelsome. Right? Like, one guy says, I crushed it. And what he did, he took a long crap and and brought home a paycheck to feed his family, and it sat on his butt. Yeah.

He's like, crushed it. Nobody gave me no hassle. Like, he didn't have the right standard. And so I suppose, like, this is where, if there if there's the right energy behind it, which I think it is,

it's just where you're getting your fuel from and, like, where are you getting your definitions of, can I can I can I be the the lone guy that dies in the wilderness proclaiming the Lord Jesus and no one knows knows about it, but because it was the thing God had going on, I crushed it? Right? Like, that that that's where the right, that's where the right definitions help. But

I again, I think, like, how many Christians know that? We know that. We know that. We don't live like that. We do not live like God be crushing it all the time. We do not live like we could be the lone man in the wilderness, and we feel like we're not making a difference, but God is doing what he wants with it, and we should be satisfied with that. We do not live like that. So what's the what's the gap there? Why if we know those things? Say, again, I even those basic things, someone like, yes. Yes or no, does God crush it continually? Yes, he does. Like, I everyone would be able to answer these questions. Right? But I feel like we don't live that way. That's only because we got little faith. Like, it's sort of like like Peter, you know, like, walked on water for a little second, he ran out of faith. You know, like, we do the same thing. We see the glory God do, and then the way God set life up to be, we always had to communicate with him. So we mess up a lot, you know. So when we lose faith,

we see the glory and we lose faith again, you know. Like, it's it's like that for a reason. Well, know, could be that and it it can also be, because I believe so much in in god, you know, because crushing it might mean you get stoned like Stephen. Right. Yeah. Crushing it might mean, you know, you're you're the you're the dude who gets run over by the chariot, you know. I mean Mhmm. It's like, well, I don't know if I wanna get run over by a chariot today, but that goes back to the faith. That's what God wants, then let's crush it, you know. Yeah. Right.

That that's where we will often, I think, slide back. The people I know anyway will be like Other people that I'm hanging out with. Unlike myself crushes with everything. We do a holy spirit crush. That's thirdwaveman.dan.com. But I I I really most of the people I know, that's that's like, where where they they pause back a little bit. It is like, well, I don't know what god wants because it's ultimately he's sovereign. He's gonna do what he wants. I'll do anything he want. You know? But I know that could be bad, so I'll just kinda stay on the sidelines a little bit, you know, and and not jump all the way in. Yeah. It's yeah. It's like when people say don't pray for patience because god might deliver lessons that teach you that. It's like Like, well, maybe you need it. Yeah. Yeah. Go order it and pray for it. Third way man says, I need patience today.

I'm ready. Let's burn. Crap. Just lost my job. Man. Yeah. I've always had like, I've that's happened to me multiple times where, like, there's something going on where, like, I knew that God was trying to root something out of me. And I knew that if I said God, in whatever way is necessary, root this out of me, I thought, no. No. No. No. I can't say that out loud because, like, then he will do whatever is necessary

to either root something out or shove something in. Yeah. And what really what it's a heart problem. Right? Where the it's a where the heart hesitates and says, I don't know if I want him to root that out or shove something in. Like, that okay. There it is. That's the problem. I I prayed that before. I prayed, okay, god. They say don't pray for patience, but I wanna pray for patience. I know what that means. And and you're god all. I trust you. Yeah. But even then, I still don't know what that means. I mean, you know, I don't know what it's gonna I don't know ultimately what the details are, but it's like,

you you know It can't be bad. I mean, yeah, it's gonna be painful a little bit, but, know, a little refining, but, yeah, I mean, I must need it. So do what you need to do. And, yeah, that that's a little bit of a scary, intimidating prayer. But I I I that's bravery. Right? Like, it's it's like and and the nature of faith.

It's it's wait. I mean, I don't know. It's probably not the world definition of bravery, but it's saying it's it's trust. It's it's I I trust God to do as he wishes and that it is good. And, like, I and I will follow that, I will follow that boldly, whatever the worldly consequences are. Yeah. I I I think the the answer to your question was the the the first way ban, the coward ban, second way ban. Right? Like, it's it's it's it's basically fear. Right? Like, I don't wanna get involved because I don't know what's gonna happen. And so what if it's bad? What if it's good? I don't know. You know? Like, the the same same reason that, like,

you we put a lot of risk and measure into calculating decisions. Should I buy this house? Should I buy this car? Should I take this job? Blah blah blah blah. All this stuff were like, you know, I I don't know what to do here, but I don't wanna stretch my neck out too far in case this and this happens and and whatever. And, like, all that is a calculated measure of fear of what will happen if I do this so poorly,

you know, or I or I've made such a terrible decision that it's gonna fall back on me, and I'm solely responsible for it. And and ignoring completely that God said, I I'll provide. I've I've factored in your idiocy. You know what I'm saying? Like, I know you from the womb. You're gonna screw things up. I know that when I said I'll provide a minute. And and, like, all that calculates to us still going, I don't know. I don't know about that. I I'm not I'm not interested. I'm I'm not sure you quite understand my circumstance correctly, you know. There's there's a bit of a cowardice in there and and and the not trusting of what the Lord has planned. And and even if he he was gonna provide, but not to the level that you thought he was gonna provide, you you'll still chalk it up as a failure and say, I I shouldn't have done this. It was a big mistake. And you'll miss what God's gift actually was or what he was leaning you towards merely because it didn't meet up with your expectations. And so you don't have any of those problems if you never let him do it. If you never give him the driver's seat, if you never say, I'll follow you where you want me to go, you just say, you know what? I'm gonna handle this, so I'm happy because I wanna be happy with you.

I love you. And then that's it. I mean, that's the story of my life, man. Right on. Always ran for those responsibilities from guys. So, you know, like, I'm guilty of that all the way. Like, you know, that's something that, you know, I still gotta work with to with today, you know, like, he sometimes, you know, like, when he call you to do something, like, you don't got a choice, you would just end up, like, joning the wheel, like, still caught up and brought to the spot where he wanted you to be at the first time, you know. So Yeah. That's true. If we don't see Nick Harris next Monday, it's because he's been eaten by fish.

Yeah. That's definitely the deal. That's third way, man. Nickharris.com. Mean, I I suppose I suppose what it comes down to is, like, can I wake up can I wake up in the morning and say, I don't have my world redefined by what is true? Like, here's the deal. If I wake up in the morning and say, look, God is good. That's a true thing. Get living.

God has forgiven you. Get living. You know what I'm saying? Like, in light of thing of who God is or what he has done, how how are you going to live today? Not just a philosophical understanding of what what has occurred, not just a checkbox or a fact pass, but, like, the the truth is that the tangible reality is

God is good and Christ has died and there's good news to be shared and I got work to do. Right? Can I wake up in the morning with those things in mind and say not just, hey, not just a mantra and say, I need to remember that God is good? No. I need to say, like, be God is good and it's changed the world. And I live in that world right now. That is my reality. Get to live in it. And and I think I think that's probably the the root of a lot of it is, like, things that we otherwise say we believe or would be able to agree to, don't happen to change how we look at the world. World. Like, the the the my acceptance of the Bible as truth actually defines my reality.

Like, I don't get to it doesn't it doesn't start to weed through it or slowly influence. It set the Bible says what is true. God has done true things. Jesus has died on cross and, like, the world has changed because of it. And I'm not always truth is I'm not even living in that reality some of the time. I'm really living in a reality of which maybe not forgiven or maybe there isn't good news to share and people don't want Like, things that aren't actually accurate about the world. I'm actually living in a false reality. And so, that's where the the power of of memorizing or at least in, reading scripture to to line your day, not just a how can god how can God influence my day, but, like, what is true about the world? What is what is true about God? What is true about me? And now that I know true things, now I know how what the world how the world works. I know what the world is like. Now I can go live in it.

Mhmm. And that seems like that seems motivational. If I can be find a way to keep reminding myself of what is what is actually true about life, as opposed to accepting life for whatever it is I think it is and then trying to let the bible or things that God has said, like, slowly influence things that I'm doing. Like, no, it's not a holy spirit shine. It's a holy spirit reality. It's a it's a Christ died on the cross reality. It's a creator god reality. Now I look at the world differently. And, like, that's why understanding

more about God through scripture or, through or talking with him through prayer, like, that's why that's a powerful thing is it doesn't shape my reality, it declares it. It reminds me of what the what is actually true about the world and about me and about God and that is how I live, motivated and excited and burning Jesus fuel, as opposed to, using it just to kind of flavor things that I do throughout the day. Mhmm. So I I think that's what changes it for me now that I've come to it is, is kinda being refreshed by, probably predominantly scripture,

and and prayer, as I as I get out and I walk out and then the step I take out into the world says, I know how the world is. Now, I'm a living it. Yeah. That sound pretty accurate, man. Like, when you bury yourself in scripture, that's you look at the world totally different, man, and it's like, you really don't feel a part of the world, basically. Like, you see

that the world is everything but God, basically. You know that that they try to dish out on you. Yeah. So it's like, you gotta bury yourself in scripture even as it's maintained, you know. Otherwise, you will get sucked in into the world, you know, that the distractions and everything is not really good for you. So Right. And and you gotta take in the scriptures. And I think the the strong thing here is is it's not,

is letting scripture define my reality. Right? Like, as opposed to saying saying, look, sometimes my eyes can't be trusted. Sometimes my feeling can't be trusted. Sometimes my my desires can't be trusted. But if God can be trusted, which if he's God, he can be Mhmm. Then I need him to tell me what what is real, what is true,

and then my world then bends to that. So and then I can recognize untrue things. When my mind takes them in and says, hey, this is a good idea, then holy spirit, bin that reads scripture says, no, bin. That's not a good idea, and you know that. You know that's not a real thing. Right. That that's not a real thing, what you're thinking. Oh, yeah. Shoot. I don't wanna get involved in a non real thing. I best change. Right? So, like, I there's something that actually centers you, and I don't know why. That's kind of been hammering me over the last month or so is is, reminder that,

script that scripture defines reality as opposed to just tries to influence it. Like, it is. It is it. And and that is a that was a that was a bit of a reorientation, an unintentional disorientation, but, like, trying to reorient the fact to say, look, like, this if this is true, then it actually changes what

reality it defines true things. It tells you how reality is. And, like, do I do I read the Bible in such a way that I recognize, the power of those things that I'm taking in? Right? Like, as opposed to I read it because I'm supposed to or I wonder I want to know more about Jesus. But, like, this is a true circumstance. These are real things, and that shapes how I look at the world after I put the Bible down, or after I stop praying for the day. And, and if I just leave it in the book or let it jump around in my mind for a while and it doesn't shape change how I see the world,

then I've actually kinda wasted it. And that is that is the barrier where, like, you know, we're we're, scripture study wise because we it's not even application. It's just saying, what is it? Now as I look at the world, I know that those things are true, and that changes how we live the world. So, I I think that provides the right focus at least. And Alright. You're listening to Live From The Path. Thanks for hanging out with so far tonight. Again, you can catch past clips of the show at livefromthepath.org.

You can also sign up for the podcast, if you want to, listen to the, listen to it just in the ears only. In fact, Mike and I were talking about this. One of the things that's difficult about the show relative to other shows or podcasts that are out there is, like, we don't do short segments of just about anything. Like, everything's a pretty long discussion. We don't chop stuff up. And I think a lot of that is because

we're sifting through gray areas ourselves. Right? Like, I don't think I don't think we really have a talking point or a five minute gotcha moment to be able to say, here, here's what the truth of this is. Like, part of the the benefit is in the discussion. And so, that's a lot of times where we don't have a lot of little clips for you to listen to, but that's and generally why podcast is the better medium even over the stuff that's on YouTube, and the clips that are on, on the website is is being able to listen to that extended conversation,

in the car or out jogging or whatever. That's probably the right way to be able to take that in. So, the podcast is actually a pretty good option if you, if you're interested in those type of things. So go live from thepath.org, and you can click the podcast button, and that will be right there, waiting for you. Mike, do people need some advice? Dear life from the past. My husband and I have been together six years. This Christmas will be our second year as a married couple. On Christmas morning, my husband goes over to his parents' house to open gifts with his siblings. They are all adults. The oldest two are almost 40. Both are single. I'm not invited and have never been invited to their home despite living five minutes away because his mom is a hoarder.

We're expecting our first child in April. My husband works in law enforcement and is typically not off the entire day on Christmas. He calls me selfish and accuses me of trying to ruin their family tradition when I tell him this needs to end. I do not appreciate my husband taking off on me for four hours every Christmas morning. I want us to start our own traditions. Am I wrong? What? Not at all.

So, like, it yeah. So he still goes over to his mom's house to open Christmas gifts on Christmas morning. Right? But his wife is not allowed to come because his mom's a hoarder, I guess. Well, she just threw that in because she mad at What the heck? Here here here's the deal. I have two adult children now. One's married now. This will be the first Christmas that I'll have a married daughter. And and we've had this conversation in the last couple three years as they this time is getting closer. We were very intentional throughout the years making some really cool traditions,

things that even the kids are like, they're always like, we got to do this. It's our tradition. And I'm like, okay, you know, just because it's tradition. But I've been saying to them over and over, okay. It's time you guys make your own traditions. You know, we had our family. You know, we I mean, it's been a transition. I haven't been quite that You're out. I'm cutting you off. Mom and I are gonna start our own tradition. Thirdwayman.den.com. We're doing it the third way. No. But, you know, it's like it they leave and cleave. Right? They're supposed to leave mom and dad and cleave to their their spouse,

and that that dude is needs to be slapped upside the face even though he's a fine officer. Right. He he is inappropriate. I go to I go to Christmas at my mama's house and I leave You can't come. And I leave my wife at home. Merry Christmas, honey. I'll see you later. I think all the extraneous information to my mom's. It's like her trying to explain why he would do this. Right? He's over there with his two brothers who are 40 and single, and then the mom's a hoarder. Like, she included all that stuff in there to say, for the life of me, I can't figure out why this man don't wanna spend Christmas with me. Right? This doesn't sound like a sweet situation. It sounds like this family didn't know how to raise adult children.

Yeah. No. Yeah. That's true. You have a you have a complete ball drop here with Yeah. Two unmarried dudes, and then one guy who is married and leaves his wife at home on the street in the morning, single. Yeah. He needs to find a way to get both of mom and and and, you know, wife together and work something out and, like you say, make a tradition with everybody's

happy because, you know, you don't wanna make mom unhappy and but you have to like you say, it's in the bible, you're supposed to leave and, you know, take care of your wife, but something's something's weird about this. I like, here's the thing. Mom's weird. Like, why would mom do this? Why would mom permit that? She's a hoarder. She's hoarder. She hoards her children too. That's right. I hate I hate, like, wives because I'm a hoarder. Well, look. The other two sons haven't got married, and they're 40. She's like, why is this guy not falling on line? Because she chased those girlfriends away. Yeah. This one, she sticks like molasses. Mhmm. Yeah. So that's that's what I'm thinking. I I I think, I think he's got mommy issues. Mommy's probably a little bit dominating. Yeah. He needs to bring his wife or stay home. Those are I those are the two options. Yep.

And, going over there is not an option anymore. He needs to knock that off directly. He's he's being puppeted by his mother. That the lady the the wife should invite everybody over to their house for Christmas morning. Say, hey, man. Why don't you guys come on over? I know you guys been doing this for forty years, but Yeah. That's just that's embarrassed. I'm embarrassed for this family. Yeah. I'm doing a new thing. Can you proceed? We're doing it at the third bank. What what if the mom says, hey. Can I bring my hoardings so that I'm comfortable at your place? Your house is too clean. Can I bring in my stuff? I've got some newspapers,

piles, and some cat poop. Can I bring it over? Secular says, be thankful you have never been invited to your mother in law's home because from your description, the experience wouldn't be pleasant. Since you and your husband are starting a family now, I see nothing wrong with you wanting to start some traditions of your own. However, it doesn't have to be an either or situation. A way to do that without causing World War three would be to suggest alternating the Christmas mornings he spends at his parents' house or schedule your gift exchange for a time when your husband can be with you. Once the baby arrives, holiday plans are bound to change.

Yeah. I mean, it's a bit of it's always a bit of a struggle when you get two families come together. You're like, where are we gonna do Thanksgiving? Where can we go without hurting people's feelings? It's been six years. Yeah. Not I mean, this they've over She needs an ultimatum. You need to choose your mom or me. And then what if he says, I'm going to my mama's? So I think that's not a surprise based upon this Christmas reaction. So wait a minute. I don't understand. Is is Secular advising that they trade off where, like, one one Christmas, he stays at his own place and one, he goes by himself to his house. Yeah.

Out of line. Terrible. That can't that can't work. Yeah. Serious. I mean, did no one attend the wedding? To death do us part. Not till Christmas. Sekuro didn't have their coffee when they read that one. They weren't quite awake. Yeah. I mean, there's not many things that I'm like, you gotta stand firm on this thing and not let go because it's such a stupid argument. But, like, you married this woman. You basically said the two halves are now one half. Didn't you do the sand pour or the two candles together? Like, how many metaphors did you use at your wedding? Mom, you were in the third vial. I

mean, you're Look at my sand. It's a real junky vial from the backroom. Filled with cat litter. That's terrible. Yeah. That's not a compromise. That's like a infrequent hostage situation.

Keep being unhealthy. That's a great idea. Yeah. The answer is no. You don't go over there anymore. So you have to talk to your mom. Certainly, I feel like she can she can the mom can spend time with the two brothers who don't have anything else to do. So here's the deal. You can have the third Saturday in December. We're not giving you Christmas day. Yeah. Yeah.

What else? Here we go. Dear life more marriage troubles. Dear life in the path. I recently got my husband back in touch with Scott, his best friend from adolescence in college. My husband's ex had kept them apart, so this rekindling is extra special and appreciated. This is a weird backstory. Yeah. I don't wanna do anything that would jeopardize it, but Scott's wife makes me very uncomfortable.

She is quiet, reserved, but very manipulative. Neither she nor her husband are drinkers, but she insists on bringing gift of some form of alcohol every time we see them, which is about once a month. Live from the path, I'm a recovering alcoholic. I have worked hard for my eleven years of sobriety and continue to work hard at it every day. Firm but polite requests have been made to hear to to her have fallen upon deaf ears. Speaking to Scott hasn't helped either because he doesn't stand up to her. My husband also hasn't been able to get through. He and Scott tell me to accept the gift and throw it away or give it to another friend. But with addiction, it isn't that easy. I've resorted to inventing excuses not to see them, but I don't like feeling this way. I believe she gives gifts because it makes her feel good. But at what point does my extreme discomfort trump her happiness?

What can I do to get her to understand without ruining this relationship? Who are these people? Who are these fellas that are like, you know, we can't seem to stop her from bringing alcohol every time she sees you recovering alcoholic. This is the second wave, man. Just take it and throw it away. Yeah. Yeah. That's right. Exactly the kind of guy that that guy is railing against. Like, yeah, hon. I realize that you're recovering from a lifelong addiction. It's a real struggle. But just take that bottle of booze and say give it a whiff. Come on. Just say it's fine. Like Seriously. I don't I don't understand the difficulty here. Hey. I brought you some alcohol. I refuse. I will not take it in my not allowed in our home. Yeah. Yeah. And, no, my husband will not take it either. Yeah. But I brought it for you. Listen. I'm a recovering alcoholic. I just can't have it in there. I hope you understand. Yeah. Take it back with you. Like, I will not take it onto the table. I will not agree to walk away with it. Yeah. Like, I simply will not take this with me. We don't have scope here. You know I'm saying? There's no alcohol in this house. Get out of here. Yeah. Like, I don't know what what you're saying. Like, it falls on deaf ears. Make us like, you don't have to, like, make a scene, but, like, make it obvious. Well, that's the thing. It's like, if you're not a scene maker, once you make a scene, you got your point. Right? Like, if you don't spend your whole life yelling at the top of your lungs, the one time you put your foot down and say, nope,

people will go, wow. Okay. No then. You don't like it. And and sometimes the reason here's the thing. The reason people won't listen to you is one of two reasons. One, you always make a scene, And so your scenes are cannot be told they won't tell the difference between your scene or not a scene. And so they just cast away everything that come out of your mouth. Or two, you've sold it in such a a a piny, half whiny way that cannot even be discerned. Like, oh, thank you for the gift. I'll just put it in the back. We really don't drink much here. Okay. You didn't say what you should have said. What you should have said was,

yeah. Listen. I have history with alcohol, and, like, I'm not interested in the future. So I appreciate the gift, but we're gonna have leave that outside. It just it can't come in here. You catch them adrift. And most people were like, got it. Deeper story. Don't wanna talk about it. We're done now. Yeah. And so, like, she is she's either not done this right or she is actually friends with a cartoon villain. Like, she is a she is a scripted character who is only can only perform evil deeds in villainous ways. Because these are not young people. This is a second marriage. Mhmm. And it's been several years of of addiction free, which is good. But at some point, you need to learn from from I'm I'm assuming there's been a lot of poor choices in communicating over the years, and they're still making poor choices communicating. Here's why I say that. When I was 21,

we first got married, my mother-in-law and father-in-law both were smokers. My wife and I were not smokers. They came over to our house one day and they lit up. And I thought to myself, why did you come into my home and light up? Know? Yeah. And I thought, well, it's not really my place to say something. It should be my wife. It's her family.

And I sat there and just started boiling. Now still, I could have just said, man, I just prefer you not do that. I mean, I don't care if you smoke. Just don't do it at my house. You know? Can you do it outside? Whatever. You know, it could have been a simple conversation. Yeah. I did not do it simply. I opened it was in the winter. Super cold. Yeah. Right. Freezing cold. Opened up the front door, opened up the back door, opened up all the windows. It started freezing in my house. I thought, I need to get the smoke out of my house. Right? And they're kinda looking at each other like, what's this idiot doing? And they finally got the idea and they kinda left. And I thought, I evaluated that and thought that was a poor choice. I could have just said, hey, man. Love you guys. I just prefer you not to do that in my home. Yeah. Yeah. That would have been easier. Right on. We never talked about it again.

But I but I never did that again either. You know, to Dan's point, his passive aggressive seemed to work. It just didn't work. But I'm thinking that's what they've been doing their life is is Open your windows. Or, you know, we're through it. You know, it's like, just have the conversation. Yeah. You know, took took me a while to figure that out, but but, you know, trust me. Yeah. It's intentional. Right? It's it's living intentionally. Look. I I I don't drink. Don't bring that stuff in here. Right? Yeah. And, like, let's say she really is trying to help. I had just had this conversation with somebody today of, like, when people say, look. I I I've gotta continue doing this. I'm trying to help people. And the truth of the matter is you you're offering you're offering them something, but it's not something that's actually helping them. Right? Like, so like, if you if if you wanna succeed in your party manners and bring a gift, and you could only come up with alcohol as your only option, like, I I mean, you could stop and get a baklava on the way in or something, but you're like, the right thing to do is bring something. I always bring alcohol. I don't know what else to do. And you continue bringing alcohol after being snubbed many times, you're no longer helping, and you're also no longer fulfilling your duties as a as a kind guest. You're just being a jerk now. Mhmm. Right? Either that or you can't look at the world in a macro macro way and go, this isn't working for them. You know? I don't have to I don't have to do this every time if this is gonna continue to fail. And I actually, where this came up was someone was saying that they were going out and,

there's these people that needed to go to the food bank. Right? And so they took them to, like, three food banks. And she goes, I have to get and and, like, that's a whole bunch of weird stuff going on at this house. Stuff that's not it's just not legit. Right? And they're like, but I I I gotta help. I gotta help. I gotta be around them. I gotta help them. I'm like, you realize you're helping them fleece the government and the generosity of other people. Right? You're not helping. You're you're you're perpetuating a lifestyle that's ruining them already. And so, like, I run into this with all kinds of people and they're like, these people really need my help. I gotta stay involved in this situation. The truth of matter is when people need help, they'll ask for it. When they're willing to accept it, that's when they'll ask for it. But, like, being part of a bad situation and thinking that you're gonna make it better by being there and perpetuating any part of their behavior is a is is a foolish run on your part. And I've seen it happen so many times, and I've been guilty of it probably way more. The guys that I'm talking about is generally me. I'm like, these people need help. We gotta be involved in this thing. And the truth of the matter is, I'm just going over there and helping them spin their own wheels. They don't wanna stop what they're doing. They're not interested to it. And so, like, until you can set an example or get them out of an environment in which they can start seeing things clearly, because that's what comes up to our our dude conversation from earlier, is these people that are making poor, poor decisions are doing it not intentionally to be stupid or to be poor. They are wearing glasses that colors their world in such a way where it sounds like a good decision. They never look at it and go, I'm making a bad decision and I'm moving forward. They look at it through the the glasses that they're currently wearing that could be obstructed by any number of things they've gotten involved with and said, this is a good decision at the time. Right? And until you can get them to take off the glasses, they're not interested in anything you're having you're you're offering. Offering. Right? And some of that actually sounds like it might apply to this astute woman who keeps showing up with booths. Right? Like, she's wearing the glasses. We're like, I gotta bring something. That's the right thing to do. I gotta do it. And it all makes perfect sense to her. And the alcoholics sitting there were like, can't bring this stuff to the mama place. I'm begging you. Please get it off my yard. But they're wearing two different glasses. And so someone needs to do somebody a favor and be bold and say, take off your glasses for a minute. I'm begging you as an alcoholic. Please don't bring that stuff here no more. I'm telling you.

That's interesting. Let's see. The secular's advice is hold on. Last thing about this thing. This lady seems to be holding on to this relationship and and noted that her husband's, relationship with this man is special.

And I thought, I've never thought about that as another man, like, this needs to be protected. Me and Nick Harris are on such a level that our relationship is to be protected at all costs. So Jeremy, you protect our relationship. Please.

Wait. Did it occur to anybody else though that, like, when she started describing this woman that I thought, like, maybe that's why the ex wife was wary of her? Like, maybe she is indeed a problem. No. True. That very well could have been. Okay. Alright. Seger's advice, have you told Scott's wife that you are recovering alcoholic? If you have and she persists in gifting you with liqueur when they come over, she is attempting to challenge your recovery like a mole. Like, who who just like a right. That right. That is like drop dead evil. Yeah. Yeah. It is like like a drug pusher. Yeah. Like black hat black hat, long mustache cane. Oh, you oh, oh, you're an alcoholic, Yeah. I bring booze every time I see I brought peach snaps. What do you say to that, Alky?

Let's see. Your husband's rekindled friendship with Scott would not be ruined if he sees him on a one to one basis rather than the four of you socializing as couples. And if the clueless wife hands you another bottle of booze, that's what you should insist upon. Actually, you know what? If I I mean, if I was this woman in this position and I was a struggling alcoholic and my husband never was, I would be furious with him that he puts me here in this in this situation. Yeah. Right? Like, there's one thing like, if there's there's there's one advantage to knowing someone better than anyone else, else, which I would hope to say I would know my wife better than anyone else. When someone starts to encroach on a space that is not comfortable for her, I jump in. So she doesn't have to make a deal out of it and they don't actually get what the deal is, but I stop it dead in its tracks and be like, yeah, nah, we're not gonna do that. You know, let's let's do this instead. And and and Dolty McDolderson over here is just waving people in the door with booze. What a jerk. Like, he is exactly the cowardly man that they're talking about. He's terrible. But I'll spend time with my special friend. Right. Our relationship is very important. Man. That's two that's two rough dudes in a row. Yeah. I I I'd say that the the the fail in that entire story is not even the obtuse woman, it's the man. It's the husband who's allowing his wife to be to to have these people come over and missing it. I I don't I don't have any You're not protecting her like he needs to. Exactly. Yeah. Last one. You ready? Yep. Dear life from the path, I have been talking to someone I know is a genuine person. Someone who has all

I can't take it the non mannequin. Go ahead. Let's start over. I know it because their t shirt says two. I've been talking to someone who keeps a 100. Someone who has all the qualities I would want in a lifelong partner. Uh-oh. However, I am still in love with my ex. My ex has moved on but still contacts me and we deeply care about each other. Obviously, with his departure. I'm afraid if I decide to move forward, I'll always second guess whether or not I did it for the right reasons, like the fact that he's not there. I'm sorry. I'm afraid that because of my feelings for my ex, I won't be able to open up to anyone. I also know we would have many issues to resolve if we ever decided to give it another chance. I guess I'm afraid to let go and afraid to move forward. What should I do? Wow.

I would recommend letting go and moving forward. Yeah. You better have that conversation with a new person though. Just say, I'm really struggling. Just I just you just need to know this. That's honest. Right? Yeah. You can say that. You're genuine. I can tell you this. But once again, I mean, it's yeah. That's right. I know you keep a 100 Scott's wife. Here's the deal. I'm a still loving of a man that I'd like to talk to him about my feelings for him, but it turns out he's not here because he left me. So

So makes it hard to do. Yeah. You're dwelling in a hypothetical that is not hypothetical. Like that that ship has sailed. The man is is with other people. Mhmm. You need to go ahead and just move on from that. And what qualities of this man are you having a hard time letting go of? Right? The fact that he leaves you, is that hard to to reconcile? Yeah. Like like, think of think of a number of positive qualities you might think of a man and then followed by and then he abandoned me. Yeah. And then I think that'll straighten out any any longing that you have for them. Oh, he was he was fantastic I gave him the option to spend our life together and he said no. Yeah. Right. I pine for him. People I I just don't know. I mean, is this is counseling even necessary here? I mean, seriously, you just it's a glasses thing. I'm convinced. It's everything has to do with glasses and environment.

And if you can get people either to take off their glasses or at least stand in a different environment to figure out where they're coming up short, they are not doing this on purpose. We'd like to put a lot we we do. We hand out black hats like they're candy. The truth of the matter is they think they're making the best decisions with what they have in front of them. They're just seeing things wrong. And like it is it inevitably the truth in every situation where I've met some some people have screwed up their life beyond recognition. And it turns out that all the decisions they made made complete sense to them at the time. They thought it was the best idea they could have come up with. This is the best way to live. It makes me happy. It's gonna make me happy in the future. I'm gonna hit the go button on this thing only to figure out ten years later when they're out of it go, man, I was just I was seeing the world so poorly and I've made such terrible decisions. And like, that's a lot of where where when I try to explain God's grace to people, it's in that fashion. Right? God's grace covers all that foolish behavior that I was I was seeing the world completely wrong without him. And only after I met him and he changed me did I see the world correctly. And my decisions actually started to handle themselves. Right? It's not like you needed a a a small three inch holy spirit on your shoulder to be like, does that sound right? Does that sound like the right thing to do? Once once you put the glasses on and Jesus says, this is the way the world is created. This is the way I've created you to work. Those decisions actually are not the struggle that they used to be. Secular,

winds up, move forward as your ex has. And while you're at it, put more distance between the two of you. Whether the person you are talking to, who seems to look good on paper, is someone you'll wind up with is anybody's guess. So consider taking a break from romance for a while until you get your head straight. You're not there yet, but with time, you will be. So break up with this current. Keep it at a 100, man. Yeah. Yeah. I would say if you're not past the x,

yeah, maybe you should break up with the I mean, is anyone really is anyone really over there? What do mean? I am. Yeah. I've never had one. Yeah. I mean, me neither. I'm I'm asking. I'm pulling the room. No. It they're always there. Yeah. Right. See? They exist. They they they help shape in certain ways. The way that you, have attitude towards relationships, love and whatnot. Right. But I mean I mean, there has to be a level of where you're like, if you're actively pining for this person,

does that seem like a problem? Unhealthy. I mean, that's definitely unhealthy. Or it's fine. Or it's fine. Just just a counterpoint. Like, what if it was hold on. Separate question. What if it was Tom Cruise?

Okay. What if you what if the ex was Tom Cruise? Does that change anything at all? Yeah. Yeah. What if they said, hey. It turns out I used to have have a love relationship with Tom Cruise, and we were gonna build a life together, and I'm having a hard time getting over. Yeah. He's moved on. Settle for a 100% man, genuine man over Tom Cruise. Yeah. I mean, Cruise keeps it real. He, for real, didn't wanna be with you. I mean, they still care about each other. Yeah. I mean, how did he not pick up the phone when Tom calls?

Yeah. I can't take it. I've moved on, Tom. I don't know. That that makes a little Ben's really he's throwing a wrench in the thing. Yeah. Like, yeah, everything's everything seems pretty easy until Tom Cruise is in the picture. Yeah. Okay. Anyway, you're listening live from the past. Hey, you know, Tom, you could call in. Well, I mean, this is a good thing for us to discuss. So if I mean, if if if you got some time on late on a Monday or something, Tom, you you I mean, give us a call and help us through this thing. We could use your wisdom. Yeah. Certainly, he's been in this position. Right? Yeah. He has x's. Has he called the place and there's a keep at 100 there? Yeah. Is that the biggest threat to a to a to an x is when you find a genuine man, you're like, man, this guy's she'll no longer pine for me because a 100% man's there.

But oh, man. That'd be that'd be terrible. The kids are constantly watching Tom Cruise movies. Yeah. I would be awful. Anyway, you're listening to live from the path on live from path.org broadcasting every Monday night from ten to till till till now. Yeah. Right now. We're wrapping it up. Right now. Let's see here. What was what's the date today? Are we are we are we broadcasting next week? I don't know. Are you in town? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. We're broadcasting next week. Alright. We'll do one wait. We're we got we're taking one week off in December. Otherwise, we'll be rocking through through the holidays. Coming up on the on the nineteenth, hey, Crystal is gonna be here. We've got a she's got a book out about real real relationship stories. She's got a couple fiction books and then Chronicle did some some stories about real real people and real relationships that are are certain to grab you. Hey, she would be fun to have some of these life from the past with. Like, she probably gives out legit advice. No. Yeah. Hey, that's a good idea. Save that Tom Cruise one. Alright. Maybe we're not thinking of it right. Alright. That's it. Go go check out A Very Little Sheila Sheila Christmas. That's coming up on Saturday. Go pick up those tickets to

the ugly sweater with We Are Leo at the ugly Christmas sweater party. Wait. Wait. Can they Facebook's the best way to do that, Yeah. I record the paththepathonline.org. We have it on our online giving. There's a place where you can actually buy tickets there too. That's cool. Okay. So you can do that. Yeah. Yeah. Enjoy the Christmas the Christmas tunes that are out there. Spend it with the with the community and for good times. Hey, don't forget the Live From The Pathics Christmas album. Oh, yeah. On the iTunes, you can get it on Spotify. You'd have a a spin of it. I was just listening to Glory on the way in today. It's solid. That's a solid track. No. That's true. That's true. That's still Good Times. Go pick that up. Was it Christmas From The Path volume one? Do a search for that out in the old Spotify and the Amazon. Alright. Thanks for listening, and, we will see you next week. In the meantime, be faithful to means. God will handle the ends. You've been listening to Live From The Path.