Live from the Pathway Studios in Johnston proper. You are Live From The Path. And you're listening to Live From The Path. We're coming from the Pathway Studios here in Johnston proper. My name is Mike Foust. Nobody even asked who you were. I know. I feel like we've gone weeks without people introducing me properly. Okay. Well, welcome to the program. I'm Ben Foost.

Oh, I see. It felt better. It felt better when I did it. Here's what so before we get to before we lose the train, before the train falls off the tracks and the coyotes take the remnants, this is what's going on the show tonight. First of all, the ladies from the Pleasantville Youth Initiative are are in studio. Mike? We are. Yeah. You dragged them in it's late at night. Yeah. They seem lovely. I don't know why you did this to them. What are they doing here? Where are we? So here's the thing. I totally know them. And they're they're doing fantastic things

for kids and doing fantastic things in the name of Jesus. And so we thought these are the kind of folks we wanna talk to. So this is Jenny Koenig and Emily Calkins. Hi. Hi, Hi. I work like Jesus. Oh, that's fine. We didn't work out like a point system where I'm like, okay. You go. So, anyway, we're gonna we're we got a couple articles to talk about tonight or at least one, and then we're gonna talk to them for a little bit just about the things that God has them doing and a little bit about them and Jesus and where all that came from. And then I we're gonna have a little bit of conversation. They share a little bit of background the same as me in youth ministry stuff. And so, like, I have just some general overall youth questions I think we'd like to touch on and and just see where what what we think the pulse of of the way things are going are. And then I have some Pope style advice, maybe. And then we got some Dear Life in the Path. Advice on Dear Life in the Path. I was I was actually listening to one of the back programs

because I The what now? Yeah. One of the back the the shows. The elder older shows. Gotcha. The elder. And because we're coming up listen here. Did I have I said this yet? We're coming up on the five hundredth Life in the Path episode. Mhmm. It's in, like, the next, I I think, fifteen, twenty episodes or something like that. And so I was going back and listened to some of the back programs to try to find a clips for, a compilation. And I'll be honest with you. This is a real desert. Yeah. It's a real desert. But we were talking about one of the pieces, the dear life from the paths was some guy whose wife

would always introduce that that she would meet somebody, and then she would ask them what their age is. So he's frustrated. It's the guy that's writing in. Good. And she would ask what their age is, and then she would ask the husband, do you have any idea how old this woman is that they met? And he's like, what am I supposed to do? And then, of course, no one would wanna answer this question. And then then she would go, oh, well, do you know how old I am? And yeah. Yeah. I I think shy of it was good. I think we gave good advice. I'm not gonna tell you what it is, but I'll I'll put it in the I'll post it online, the vid the episode. You can go back Yeah. Okay. I'll check it out. Alright. So here's what we got going on. Let's look at the articles. There was a couple that stood out to me. Someone had a there was an article in the in Christianity Today, and I guess I I was I was curious about maybe your guys' reaction to the the title of the article is why should pastors get all the good theology textbooks? Oh. Okay. So, like, I'm gonna read just a little bit about this,

and I kinda wanna talk about whether it creates an unnecessary burden upon someone. So the it goes for years, Caleb Bartell wanted to deepen his understanding of the bible and theology. There's not really not a way to get that from just a Sunday morning sermon or just Sunday school. You can grow on your own, absolutely, but you're not getting seminary level teaching. Bartell never felt called to become a pastor. He's a home remodeler and a married father of five, which makes seminary impractical. But the 33 year old is now getting the chance to study theology thanks to a program in his church. Congregations across the country are implementing in house theology programs designed to engage members like Bartel who aren't pursuing professional ministry but still want to study theology, church history, and the Bible. Some programs like Centrals are designed to replicate formal theological education just without the seminary setting or the tuition bill, which can easily run up to $16,000 per year. Others aim to be more accessible. So the the the rest there's, like, two more paragraphs, and then they charge you for the rest of the article. So I did not, you know it's quality of the program says we don't pay for articles around here.

So I guess out of the gate, if you like, net positive. Yes? Yeah. Like, putting I think you feel like providing additional resources that help people study the Bible to think about it in a competent way, in a contextual way, like it can't do anything but help. I'm

totally there with that. I worry maybe just to hear that, like, there's an implication that that you can't do without them. Because plenty of people do. Plenty of people do just fine

around that. And I I I wonder if it also frames it it's a very it's a very Western European studiousness of what it looks like to follow Jesus when if the thing that we think about is book, glasses, bread. I I mean, most of your most of the theologians that, like, people are quoting today are, you know, Western European theologians from 1870

German, and then it switches a bit. And so I don't know. Like, maybe that just hit me funny. I would be cautious that first of all, not everybody learns that way. That's not always the way which people take it in, but does it create like an, I don't know, an unnecessary burden on Ponsamore to feel like if you don't have the good books, if you don't have the right books, then you're missing out on something that God is doing. Does it feel like a risk? Well, here's the thing. I think it's always a comparative problem. Like, remember knowing a gal, and I still know a gal, that, like, she I don't know what it was, but, like, she smelled like Jesus. Right? And so, like Mhmm. When when she prayed, God would answer. Like, in in, like, practical ways where, like, it would say, here, God, Here's the thing on my heart or whatever, and then god would show up and go, yeah. Do this thing. And then, pow, she's often doing it. You know? And, like, for years, I'm sitting there watching her going, I'm doing something wrong. I mean, this is just not happening for me. Like, I I don't understand. Like and and felt like either God was thinking a certain way about me

or, like, I wasn't following faithfully. There was something different, you know, that I was screwing up. And, like, I I bring that up to say that, like, it took years for me to be comfortable with the fact that, like, God made me to be what God made me to be. Mhmm. So I I feel like and and Ben has said this before. It's like when you look at the the titles within, you know, the the Bible where they're talking about pastors and deacons and whatever, like, these are responsibilities, not jobs. You know? So they're things that God has called people to, but it's it's not like a you know, like, it's it's not a job that, like, you would think about it as a job. Right? You would more think about it as a responsibility. A church that was just a ragtag nothing house church with no formal infrastructure and no building can still have deacons because it's a responsibility and not a job, right, opposed to, like, something that says this has to be the structure here. So

I say that because when I compare that to say, I think god has has, you know, pulled certain people to clarify his word and help see it correctly in the context of which it sits. And and, like and the Bible project is this. Right? And they do a fantastic job of it. So I think God has called people to do that. Now whether I believe it to be a necessity for what God has called you to, I don't know. Maybe not. Paul is pretty rough. Right? Like, he takes things right out of Jesus' mouth, and then he just goes off and takes beatings for the next twenty years. Mhmm. That was pretty much his entire ministry thing. Right? And so, like, the theology of it, he, you know, he didn't get he didn't get uber lost in it. Now John, on the other hand, like, he'd weave in and out of this thing. Right? Very poetic. Very, very dramatic language. You know? And that wasn't Paul. And, like, we don't denigrate Paul for not having the same type of action. You know what I'm saying? Mhmm. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's it's don't hear me at all. Like, I think actually much more of this stuff is accessible. Like like, you shouldn't be intimidated by it. There is a lot that is super accessible. I do think you have to be prepared as you approach some biblical commentaries and stuff. Like, it it will it will oh, boy. I'm gonna use it. I'm gonna use the phrase. It will deconstruct some things for you, to be honest. Yeah. It will it will start to tear down

certain things that, like, you didn't it wasn't like a a a false facade or anything. It was just you hadn't thought of it. And it will take this this happens all the time because I we actually, we we go through the Christmas story, I think half your nativity scene is bogus. Yeah. Sorry. Yeah. Yep. Yep. Every year. But but, like, I mean, one, so what? But but but, two, as long as you're not holding with a tight hand a thing a person said to you or a cultural thing and and you're you're you have an open heart and mind that says, look, I just wanna hear God speak. And if this is what was going on, if this is what he made sure was recorded, is if what the prophet said that I'm supposed to take in with some level of context that surrounded the thing,

as long as you're willing to embrace that, it's actually a very good thing. It's a very fun thing to, like, start seeing it for what it is. And and then, frankly, you recognize where people's own intentions, biases, or desires start getting built up on certain things that we believe. And I like to see those go away. I like to see them crumble on my own, actually. Like to see something, even if it feels whatever I lose because there were some cultural attachment to something that I thought God was saying can only get better on the depth of what God is actually saying. So anyway, like, not I wouldn't dissuade from it at all, but like, I would also I worry sometimes about what feels

like, the scripture shouldn't feel like a handcuffs. Our ability to follow Jesus shouldn't be like like, the only way to do that is to be a theologian. I I frankly, it's one of the things odd for a pastor to say, but, like, I I'm cautious of people beating themselves up if they don't read their bible every day. Like, most of the people in the Bible did not have a Bible to read daily. They would pray. They would pray every day. They would pray the Shema. But, like, again, prayer is your prayer time of, like, a mandatory sixty minutes in the morning before everybody gets up or God's mad at you? No. Now if you do that and you can find that time, that's awesome. I think that's fantastic. But, like, sometimes we have guilt related to some of those things. And, like, again, Jesus probably prayed he probably prayed the same prayer three times a day. Early Christians took Jesus' model prayer, and they actually did they just did it. They did the Lord's prayer. They didn't have a problem. It like, oh, it's shallow. Oh, it's just it's just repeating the same thing. It's not like, they didn't have a problem with that at all. Well, is that totally a cultural thing that we have a problem that's not, like, fresh and made up and new, like, every day? We're concerned often, we're concerned about, like, rote

religion. Like, it's the reason we to be honest, I think to our detriment that we've backed off certain, like, repetitive liturgical things. I think we have to be cautious caution cautious about how we sometimes there's a judgment on high church as if it's shallow, as if people are just going through the motions. There's a faithfulness in going through motions. There's a faithfulness in in, again, like, Jesus would've would've prayed the same thing multiple times a day. We don't go, oh, Jesus. You're so shallow. Yeah. Like, there's a bold. That's bold thought. That's right. It's there's an intentionality that the words themselves are not deep or shallow. The motions themselves are not deep or shallow.

Sometimes it's the ability to, you know, engage yourself in such a way so that you don't treat them shallowly isn't is totally necessary. But, like, I do I do just wonder maybe this is an old soul in me somewhere that says we didn't we don't lose a little bit of something that says, we're too cool for school here. Have to say your own original thing. When the things I'm really grasping for in prayer are generally saying things God already said back to him in some way or another. And so, again, you're not holy one way or the other, but I think we risk kind of denigrating a practice, a liturgy, a reminder at something that is that is communal and shared. Right? Like, your ability even even like call and response times, reading scripture together,

singing songs that everybody knows. Like, these are all these are good they are good things. They can be shallow, but it doesn't mean that they are shallow. Just like there's all kinds of things that God created for good that that as a humanity, we've managed to mangle for bad. Mhmm. And so it's it's kind of that same way. So, anyway, just I I I don't know. Maybe I'm maybe I'm I'm cautious just that we don't get taken too far one way or the other, one that says, like, this is not accessible to me. And the other that says, oh, I have to do this. Otherwise, God's word cannot be enlightened for me. I think neither is Yeah. Because I think, like, for me so I was a religion major. I was married Christian or I was a married college student. I was a religion major. And about half or I was almost done with my religion major when I found out I was pregnant with my son. And just me personally, I knew I had to step away from all that so I could be a mom. I know that not everybody has to do that. That was just me and the way my brain works. Mhmm. But when I did that, I lost access. So I've always loved the theology, the deeper the theology, the you know, all that doctorate stuff, I love it. Like, I live for it. And I if I don't do some sort of program, it's difficult for me to access that. Yeah. Luckily for me, my dad was a pastor, so I had this whole library of,

you know, theology books. But I can see so like whenever our church offers anything that's like, this PhD guy is gonna come talk, I'm like, I'm there. Yeah. So I can see the benefit of it being more accessible, but you're right. Like, you don't have to have that. I think some people just enjoy it. Know? Oh, yeah. Totally. Yeah. And I'm on the other end of that. So I'm I I didn't grow up in the church. I'm a accountant. And so and also I'm a renter. The whole room laughs. So Oh, no. Like,

I'm a back roads accountant lady. And so you guys half the words you guys say, I don't even know what they mean. And so, like We're the same. Know. Doing the same. I know. And so for me as well, like, if if you put me in a theology class, I would glean some things off of it, but honestly, like, that doesn't spark an interest in me, but that doesn't mean that I'm also not equipped to do ministry. Yeah. And so think in that way, Jenny and I work very well together because she does love the history, she loves the theology, she can really, like if somebody's coming before us, she really has a gift of knowing the truth of God's Word, and I am a 100% heart. And so I I give, I love, and sometimes, like, we balance each other out because she's such a deep thinker, and she loves God's word so much. And sometimes we just need to make it simple. And I think that that is where we lose out sometimes where it's Jesus is like, just love people. Like, just do that. Love me. Love people. And so I think sometimes we do overcomplicate it, like with all of this deep theology, but you can use it also as a tool. And so there is definitely a balance there between

between the two where it can be good, but also nice to have access. Yeah. I can see that. Like, absolutely, for everybody. Yeah. It's probably the flip side of that that that rings it most true, which is what the guarding is about. It's like no one has ever said, yeah. I walked away from a relationship with Jesus in the church because they were loving me too much. Mhmm. They have walked away because they got in some kind of prideful theological argument Yeah. Where no nobody refused to move. You know? And so, like, that that is the the counterbalance is like now granted, it's not hard to take in love. Like like, even people that completely disagree with the things that Jesus has to say, they can't deny the way that he loved people. But when it comes down to disagreeing his theology, right, they're like, well, fine. Line in the sand, and we're done. And so, like, it is a much more divisive area, you know, and and which why it brings up more guarding. It it does. Although, you know, I would say that one of the one of the things that we've not done well

as Christians is we've seeded ground that was totally unnecessary to seed in that, like like, there aren't, like, there aren't thoughtful, wise Christian thinkers who, like, whatever critique one, I would tell you that almost every atheist critique I've ever heard a prophet of God has already said, especially, like, minor prophets. So, like, you go hanging around with Amos or Micah. Like, those guys, like, all the complaints, God where was God when the bad things were happening? Yes. They would agree. And so but but, like, it it's not like thoughtful people aren't in on those conversations. Most Internet atheism, frankly, is, like, super shallow because it doesn't actually engage

thoughtful Christianity. It's it's this is to the detriment of social media. Someone was making, like, what I thought was, like, a reasonable critique of Christianity. And, like, somebody's response was just so it was like, this is Jesus is the truth, and he's always been the truth.

And I will pray for you, but I will not be poisoned by you. I'm like, woah. That was helpful. Yeah. And it was a totally like, was a total, like, reasonable thing that you could speak to. Now whether the conversation would have been fruitful is a different question. Mhmm. But, like, to to act like there's not thoughtful people who who have, like, looked at the what it looks like to to say, I'm willing to hand over my human control of my life over to this god that I cannot see because I think this is real, and I've seen it go on around me. And here's the here's the reasons I believe, and here's how I take that thing in scripture that you think is like slam dunk bad. Like, we've just unnecessarily seeded that. And frankly, because we've not prepared people. Like, we've made it sound like you you draw the line that goes like, is who he says he is. You know it magically because your aunt told you, and everyone else just has to wait on the magic part because God does not reveal himself and all the things around him, which we know that's not true. Right. So I think that there has been an unnecessary seeding of the church to not be prepared for that. But I I would I I just it's not a I think the hardest thing maybe in this conversation, which extends to all kinds of different conversations, which is like trusting that if God did not make,

like, the same person all over the world to all do the same things, that he will then work it out to make sure the right kinds of people with the right kinds of gifts are in the right kinds of situations. Like we, what we tend to do sometimes is to say, here's what God has gifted me with. I will make disciples of that because it's important to me as opposed to going, I know this is what I'm supposed to do. If I am to influence people in that way, then I would be blessed to be able to do it. But it doesn't mean that this other person isn't being used by God in some other way. That totally feels like a real like a real casino. You're like, we're just what? Like, God gets to use people however he wants. How can I control the information that gets out? Like, it's hard. Yeah. That's the right rendering of the holy spirit. He's like a wild man friend. Yeah. That calls on Friday, and you're like, and it's already 09:30. And you're like, what? I don't know about this. Are you guys coming to this? Yeah. And you're gonna say a bunch of big words. I'm like Yeah. And if you sleep in a car That sounds real good. She has never driven before. And you're like, I don't know that one. Okay. Yeah. You're listening to live from the path on livefromthepath.org.

We are talking to the ladies from Pleasantville Youth Initiative, Jenny Koenig and Emily Calkins. And so I have some I have a question for you guys. Yeah. So you guys started the Pleasantville Youth Initiative, and I live in Pleasantville, which is why I know this. And so I a couple of questions that I wanted to know is, first of all, why? Why did you do that? That's And what and what is it exactly? Yeah. Okay. So like I said before, I'm a pastor's kid, and I was kind of a dork in middle school. Stop that.

Only I was, like, an extra level dork because I was a pastor's kid. And so, like, at all the school dances, I didn't know any of the music. I was home singing Carmen songs and you know? Do you guys even know who Carmen is? Carmen persists to this day. Oh, yeah. Yes. He does. May he rest in peace. You know, Michael W. Smith, all that. So, anyways but I was lucky enough to be surrounded by mentors all the time because I just had them around me. I had parents who loved Jesus and they loved me and they cared enough to put people who weren't them in front of me to mentor me, which is another important thing I can get into later.

But even with all of that support, I still struggled as a teenager with my self image and with my identity as just a person, know, as a daughter of God, all of that. So I can't imagine what it would be like to, you know, trudge through life, you know, from trench to trench through your teen years

without having those people. And as we know, most kids don't have those people. Even if they have parents who love them, they might not have godly people calling them on. Yeah. And so I would say that is really the root of why we started this in the first place. It's kind of twofold. I mean, that is definitely being mentors for kids who don't have those people, those voices calling them on, that's sort of the main thing. And then the other half of it would be it's sort of a heritage or an heirloom ministry. So my parents started a youth ministry in Pleasantville when I was in high school that went from like 12 kids to 100 kids in a year. It was huge. It was a big movement of God. And when they moved out of Pleasantville, there were some other ministries like that too, but it kind of left a void. And when God called both me and Emily back there, which neither one of us wanted to move back to Pleasantville, by the way. That's another long story. Place to dump. When he brought us there, we just knew

like, knew that we had to do this. Like, we we had to I I knew, first of all, that I had to serve the Lord, and youth ministry is my passion. So that's sort of what we decided to do. And it started with just throwing parties for kids, like, after football games. The good kind of parties, not the bad kind of parties. Right. Right. Never thrown one of those in my life. Only serving Mountain Dew and water. Yeah. So it would be you know? And and the first time we did it, we had, like, a 100 kids show up. And we were like How many were you expecting? We didn't know. Like, honestly, I had no idea because, I mean, I knew some of their parents just from going to high school with some of them. Or, you know, people knew me in the community. But I hadn't lived there in, I don't know, six years or something like that. It's been a while. About that. Like, how weird that is. Know us. They didn't know us, and they just dropped all their kids off. Like, all these kids are running where we're at. And we hang out with them. Are you willing to take these squirrels? We'll hand them out with you. No. And they showed up in droves. And they did. Yeah. And it just kinda took off from there. And so sort of what we do now so this was prob what? Five years ago? Oh, actually, I just saw something. The first one we did, it was seven years ago. Nuh-uh. Yeah.

Crazy. Okay. So seven years. Seven I mean, we've been doing it for a while. Mountain Mountain Dew will cause you to lose time. That's true. I think we're we're just always in a sugar coma. Yeah. No. I we we do all kinds of things. Over the summer, we feed kids all summer long. We partner with a organization in Knoxville that feeds kids. I don't know, Emily, you talk for a minute. We do a lot of things. Hey, Jenny. What do we do? Here we go. I have a lot people. Meet me alone. That's okay. Yeah. So we have lots of different programs. And it kinda grew from us just doing a couple of events, and then really realizing that we had a need for more in our community. And so people were even reaching out to us just that needed help in the community. They were like, hey, I need to get connected with some resources. And then we started partnering with The Well in Knoxville, and connecting people to resources, and kids would need things, and we would get them for them. Like clothes or Clothes, or they needed something to

play football, and that kind of thing. And so it really started blossoming from there, and it was really out of need, then we just kind of like put programming around it. Yeah. So yeah. So then we started doing more and more events. We tried to do one a month. But, yeah, we did post game parties, and we've done the competition for kids who like games, and also for kids who don't like games. And then, yeah, and then just like rec center nights just to get the kids together. And then we started doing, like, some more faith nights just like girls and guys and, yeah, prom dress drives and just all kinds of things. Just tried to do it. And then we started to do community events as well. So we have a big trick or treat on the square that's coming up that we do, and different fundraisers. So it just started growing, and it was just kind of a need. And so we just kept going with the flow, I guess, as God was calling us. And so, like and so so the the the output of where you're heading with this thing is you're trying

to raise money to build a building, a youth initiative building in the middle of town. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I think the crazy part about it is that when we started this, I was working a full time finance job. And so You could launder the money. We've tried, but I won't because I know you will always get caught. At least you think I will. I've had enough training to know that there's always a trail somewhere. Yeah. So I was working full time in finance and investments and different things in business administration.

And actually ended up quitting my job, full time job, so that I could go and do this. And so I got a part time job for a while. I still have a part time job at a church, so that I can focus more on this. But yeah, so now we've started up a fundraising campaign to raise $2,000,000 to yes. I have to do that every time she says 2,000,000. I know. Mhmm. When we first figured it out, I was like, what? Right. That's a lot of money. Yeah. And and the reason for that is because right now we're doing one event a month, and then we do a lot of social media stuff in between. Yeah. But ideally, we wanna be serving kids on a daily basis, like and their parents and our community. And in order to do that, we're gonna need a place to do that out of. So we we, you know, we wanna do cooking classes and and art classes and music classes, things that in Pleasantville so Pleasantville is a town of 2,000, a little over 2,000.

And there's nothing to do. Like, if you wanna do an art class or a music class or anything, unless you're in like, the school has the programs. But outside of that, you have to travel outside of town. You can't do that in town. And if you can't afford it, you just you just out of luck. You know what I mean? And so we and all of the stuff we offer to the kids is free. And so we just wanna do more. And that's The the op I was just actually talking to a guy about this the other day. Like, the opportunities for especially kids in smaller towns. But, like, if the school doesn't offer it,

you basically have to assume that your kid is not gifted in it. You know? So, like, let's say that your kid wanted to be I I don't know. Like, they love quilt making or something. Like, there's not, like, generally a quilt making club at the school. Like, things that, like, that that god may or may not have designed them to do or, like, they could find a passion in. Mhmm. If it doesn't already exist in the infrastructure at at at the local school, then, like, your brain just doesn't even think of it. You know? Like, your kid will come home. You'll be like, are you gonna play volleyball? No. You're gonna play football? No. Alright. Well, you're gonna go out for choir or band? No. Well, you're out of luck. Guess you're gonna do anything. I guess you have no talent. The only other option is for you to sit down on your brain is do nothing. That is pretty much what we can do for you. Yeah. That's exactly right. So the advantage of of what you guys are saying is is one, if I'm understanding it correctly, which I hope that I am, but, like, like, a sense of community does come from, like, most of all, consistency. Right? And so, like, a consistent thing that can be countered upon. That's how we measure almost all our good relationships. Right? Like, it doesn't matter how long away from it or how much I needed it, that relationship or that thing that I needed is there. It's consistent and will always be there. And frankly, a lot of the things within our youth culture these days, whether it's it's it's parents in a in a certain situation or not, like, it's flaky. Yeah. Like, it's just it it's like they there's just nothing solid to fall back on. And so so like a a building and like a physical presence offering things that says, look. You can skip 15 of our cooking classes on Tuesday, but on the sixteenth one, we're still gonna be here. Yeah. Stop on by. Yeah. Right? And, like, it just adds so much legitimacy to, like, the message that you're that you're trying to put out. So Right. Yeah. I think that's super awesome. So let now let me ask you this. How are we doing on the fundraising? You can answer that one. Yeah, yeah, finance lady, here I am.

Yeah, so we have raised, I think we've raised right around $130,000 for the building, which for our small community, and that is in a lot of people and a lot of organizations coming together and giving money. And so, for town of 2,000 people to raise that much money in a year is a lot of money for us. It's high to the bone. Yes, yes. And so, we can see God blessing it as we're going. And every time, like, we there's so many and we're starting to write big grants now because we have matching funds, which you have to have. And every time we get a no on a large grant that were written, we almost always get a smaller check-in the mail that we weren't expecting about that same time. So it's like we can feel God just

edging us on to keep going. But yeah, so that's kind of where we're at. We're continuing to go down the grant path, we're learning as we go, and getting lots of counseling, and people coming in and showing us the ropes, and coming alongside. But we've had great partners, and a lot of people who have been very supportive. I think our community sees the benefit in it, and they're really starting to get behind it now. And we're starting to get our message out more and more, we can feel God moving that forward. And we really believe that He's gonna bring

people who see what we're doing and feel led to give. Because kind of the hard part we find with grants is I would say two of the bigger grants that we've applied for recently, one of them, they'd say, You fit perfectly.

But then we noticed that everybody who got the grant was not faith based at all. So there's always just like one thing that disqualifies us, one small thing. So that can get really, really, really frustrating. But like Emily said, you know, one day we get denied for this big, huge grant, and the next day we get a $10,000 check-in the mail. Yeah. God is just good. And when I feel like, maybe we should scale down. Maybe we shouldn't, you know, and then it's like the Lord's like, yeah, no. I don't want to scale down. Yeah. It's kinda funny because, like like, in some of those situations, the one thing that you would change that would put you in perfect seating get to get the grant is the one thing you cannot change. Yeah. Right? It's the one thing that says, look. I I I can't do this because the whole the whole this is the whole goal. Yeah. Right? This is the whole output. This is the whole thing. Like, I thought if I thought merely loving people was enough, that's what we'd be doing, but that's not what it is. Merely loving people isn't enough. That's how we got the Tower Of Babel. Yeah. They totally loved each other. There's no there's no nothing in that story that says everybody was fighting. Everybody's getting along, building a sweet building, and God goes, they're gonna do this without me, and it's gonna be bad for them. Mhmm. Right? So, like and so the one thing you can't move, right, is the one thing that blocks it, God goes, Yeah, I totally get it.

I totally get it. And there has been moments where people have come forward, and we would've had to fold on that, and we said no, because that is the constant, and that's the reason why we're doing it. Because he called us new as, I'm not taking him out of there because it will never sustain itself. And speaking of sustainability, part of the reason that it's a $2,000,000 building is because sustainability is built into it. So the top level will have a coworking space that people can rent the space and work there. And then

there'll also be office space that's rentable. And then the bottom level, same thing. So the middle level, the main level is where we will be doing most of our work, but that will be funded by the top and the bottom level. Like, it's a little sandwich. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. And so that's kind of why the price is so high. Because we're kind of building in yes, it's a $2,000,000 building, but it's going to make sure and ensure that first of all, it'll help Pleasantville's economy in the first place, getting people in and working. Yeah, anyways. Yeah, we had to build in that piece there. And honestly, I think we kind of have an entrepreneur spirit, and I think putting in a coworking space in a rural community, we wanted to make sure that those entrepreneurs have the same opportunity and have space for community as well. So it's

really just opening up. And remote work isn't going anywhere. So No. Right. Especially if we keep making up COVID variants. What are we on now? That's, live from the Path to Plate Line, Ben. Yeah. It's a (515) 517-0085. Call or text. Are we making up COVID variants? Let us know. Okay. So real quick, if people are interested in what you're doing, wanna connect with you any further, or flat out they have, I mean, large sums of money that they just wanna unload. Yeah. We're your guy. What's the best way for them to do that?

Peevilleyi.org. So pleasantvilleyouthinitiative.org. Both of those will get you there. I keep saying .com, but it's not. It's dot am I saying that right? Dotorg. Right? Dotorg. Yeah. Yes. I'm I made the website, and I can't even remember. It's so peevilleyi.org. Is it a are you are you a nonprofit? Yes. We are. Five zero one c three nonprofit.

Yes. We are. So maybe you've laundered money, and you're looking for a place to put it. Yeah. We're your guy. We'll take your dirty money. Yeah. How do you feel about this? We don't care if you get caught as long as No. We're getting the clean stuff. Do the right thing. Do the right thing. Yeah. Give it to the children. Yeah. I'm telling you this. If you're accepting money from the casino grant programs, and this is the same problem, just open up the wallets. Yeah. What it didn't stop you from taking 15 TVs from the from the casino that you took out of Ethel's pocket. That's right. That's right. That's right. Your your nonprofit program is funded by old lady money. Probably old lady rent money. Yeah. You should be ashamed of yourself. Okay. So along that same vein, like I was I was thinking about,

it's my favorite topic, talking about you think. And so I was gonna ask you guys what you thought that are there are there things that kids are facing these days that flat out their parents are just having a hard time seeing correctly? Do you think can you think of some things that, like, kids are going through, kids are are are experiencing, and, like, their parents are trying, but they they just might not be getting the whole gist of what they're walking through? Wow. There's a lot of I think there's a lot of things.

As you know, I have two teenagers now too, and doing youth ministry for so long, I think when you parent teenagers, all of a sudden you're like, oh my gosh. Like, there's something about well, media, obviously, because we didn't have it. You know, that's a huge thing. But also their just their whole identity.

Their identity as a human being as far as for some of them, and I know this is a huge can of worms that we don't have to go into, but their sexual identity, like, their gender, all of that. And parents don't know what to do with that. And I I get that. Like, the whole world doesn't know what to do with that. Right? I mean, that's a complex it's a complex thing that I think

I think it for sure is. Yeah. Well, I mean, here's the thing. It's like, this is this is where to some of what Ben was talking about earlier, but, like, sometimes we've seeded some things that maybe we shouldn't have that felt like we were doing it out of love, and it really wasn't. Like I always used to my favorite example that Grace hates is like, I'll say like one day Grace comes home from school and says, dad, I'm gonna eat rusty nails for every meal. And like my options are, is to agree with the choices that she's made and say, I love you. I can support you in anything you're doing. Right? But then she's eating rusty nails for every meal. Right? And so like the opposite thing is says, look, I love you enough to say this is gonna destroy you. Right? And, like, if that is not the story of God talking to his people throughout the entire Bible, that's what this is. And so, like, now granted, like, there's a lot of there's a lot of feelings in there. Right? And there's a lot of things that we we feel like people are gonna take poorly because it's attacking who they are. But the thing is is, like, as God's people, we totally know better than that. We know who they are. God already said who they are. Yeah. Right? And it's them that's missing it. And so sometimes, like, we are seeding ground because we're scared, and we don't wanna hurt feelings. And, like,

it I mean, if you have a teenager in the house, you know what this is like. You cannot fight every battle. No. You're just gonna lose some. Right? But you're not gonna lose them all, and you need to pick the ones that you're not gonna that you're not gonna lose. And, like, even if even if they disagree with you and they wanna hate you for the things that you're saying, you can still say true things in love and never move because it's just like the building. Right? Like, it can go years. It can go months. It can go diff through different situations and different boyfriends and girlfriends and schools and whatever. And then one day, they're gonna remember the consistent thing Mhmm. That never changed and didn't fail them. And maybe they didn't agree with it at the time, but they knew they were loved there. Right? That's the difference. Yeah. And I think for me, like, one of the best things I ever learned when my parent or my parents, when my kids, I wasn't around when my parents were teenagers. When my kids were becoming teenagers, one of the most helpful things I learned was about their physical development as far as how fast they're growing. So for example, when I was pregnant with Silas, he's my first, I was getting constant magazines, constant things sent to me that I wasn't even asking for. But like, oh, you're having a baby? Here's all the information in the world about what happens when they're six months old and one day. Like, it was like development, development, development. And then they hit a certain age and there's nothing. Like, there's no you don't learn anything except for, like, puberty stuff. But beyond that

and so I was, like, searching for to help me understand my kids a little bit better. I came across this article. I think it was in Psychology Today or something like that. And it was just about their physical growth and that middle schoolers grow as much as toddlers do in the years between 12 to 14 or something like that. Like they're growing as fast as a toddler. So if you think about a middle schooler and a toddler, what does a toddler do? They throw a tantrum and you're like, you're not like, you're a terrible kid. You're like, oh, you need a nap or you need a snack. Right? And middle schoolers are the same way. They're throwing a tantrum. They're misbehaving.

They're doing this. Most likely, they need a nap or they need a And so I think there's a lot of things. So when you ask me that question, all these things pop in my head because there are so many things that kids are struggling with. But, honestly, I think if we just can understand their physical development a little bit more does that make sense? Like, it's just No. It yeah. Yeah. I know. It kinda presumes, like, that at that age because they start to you know, sometimes the kids are as tall as you at, like, 14 or 15. You're like, this is this this is an adult

human. But, like, but treating them as if they have all their faculties in order, all their emotions under control, that they're taking care of themselves well, basically that they are positioned to be at their best when they're arguing with you, when they're making decisions that you don't want them to make, when they're reacting to the world in the way they are, and when they're dealing with things that that frankly you conceptually don't have a real you're not super in touch with. Like, it's unfair to even to see that to them as if, like, it's a personal affront to you and a failure in your parenting because they're behaving this way. Right. It it's not. Your parenting this is actually the ripe opportunity for you to continue parenting and go, I'm not gonna take this personally. And Mhmm. They're they're balancing all kinds of things, and and they're they're frankly, they're not firing on all the cylinders. They think they are, but there's all kinds of pressures coming at them. And so how do I continue to parent them through the difficulty as opposed to being angry with them? Frustrated, I get, but, like, that those difficulties are there. Because sometimes even as parents, you start to take that personally. Like, it's not just, hey. You're you you kinda suck as a person right now. It's like, well, shoot. I suck as a parent. I've raised a sucky person. Yeah. A suck mess. Right?

And so there's almost there's always kids, if you're listening, just know that there's just there's a little bit of, like, your parents' reaction that is, like, some level of anger or ashamed about themselves as if they failed you that you're behaving this way. Yeah. And when I say middle schoolers are like toddlers, I'm not saying they're the same thing. Same. If there are any middle schoolers listening to this, you are very different. You But are growing as fast as and that that growth is huge. And so yeah. So, like, my son, Silas, at the time, he was, like, doing a lot of he was acting really impulsively. He you know, that sort of thing. And when I learned about, oh, maybe he's hungry. You know? Like, I know that sounds silly, but Or he's into money laundering. Yeah. Money laundering or hungry. Turns out it was both. Turns out he's very shifty. So maybe he failed as a partner. Shifty Mick Silas. Hey. Nobody who's money laundering goes hungry.

It's not true. That's true. It can only be money laundering. I I remember at we were at a middle school camp, and we had this one kid who was just everybody's problem child. Everybody's warning us about this kid. Like, this kid's gonna be trouble for you. We had him, and when he started to be trouble, we're like, are you hungry? Oh, yeah. And we'd feed him something. And he you know what I and then he's, like, behaving. I know that. You guys are like the Willy Wonka factory over here. Dork in the chocolate room. Something to eat, or here's you need or just go be by yourself for five minutes. And I think as parents and as youth leaders too, we don't look at them like that. We look at them like, you should act your age. And they're like, I am. Yeah, I think that, so angsty teenagers are my favorite. And I think it's because I used to be one. And so I think even like I was telling Jenny on the way here,

I think a lot of times they'll say things to us to try and get that shock and awe because they need most of time they're doing it because they want attention or they want somebody to listen to them. And so I kinda had that in a group time where I had some angsty teenagers telling me things, and then I kinda told them a funny story about myself in in high school, and like, hey, like, don't do this because you might burn your boyfriend's house down. So like Just a cautionary tale from my youth. And I think sometimes if we I think grace goes a long way. And I think really not having that shock and awe because we want to. Because I have a 10 year old at home, and sometimes he does things that I know that he knows better. But really taking a moment, if you can muster it, if they haven't got you to that point, but to really react in a kind way, to take a moment to breathe, and then really listen to what they're saying. Because most of the time,

what they're saying isn't what they're dealing with, it's something else. And so really taking time to listen. And sometimes it might be like, if we don't know, I don't know about a lot of the things that they're dealing with. And we went to a seminar the other day and they talked about really listening. And just sometimes we can't give them advice, we can just say, I'm just so glad that you shared that with me, and that you were brave enough to talk about it. I don't know what you're going through. And I think sometimes, they just need somebody to listen to them, and they just need somebody to know that you're there for them. And I think a lot of times,

they'll come in and they'll announce things. And it's really hard, but we have to not react in a way that's like, Oh, I don't think so. Not today. Sometimes we just need an app. I totally find this way easier to do with other people's kids than my own. Yeah. Yes. In general, like, I've the best attitude I've had, especially with with teenage kids, especially if they're not mine, is, like, if you can pull back the fact they hate being referred to as kids. Yeah. They do. Yeah. You gotta not do that. Yeah. Not. And you you really have to concentrate on not talking down to them. Yep. You just need to talk level with them. Yes. I had this this is great. This is my favorite story. This kid comes to youth group. He's new to youth group, and he shows up, and he's a he's a he's a ruckus little man. And so whatever. We have free soda. So he he takes seven of them, right, on the way out the door. Yeah. And so I stop him on the way out the door, and I go, hey, man. I see you have seven sodas in your backpack.

I just wanna give you a a forewarning that, like, I legit have to pay for these sodas. So I just need to know that that's what's gonna happen. You know? And he goes, yeah. Okay. I said, just to follow-up, if you ask me for seven sodas, I can give you seven sodas. If you steal them from me, then we're having a different conversation. Do you understand? And he goes, no. I'm stealing them. I go, okay. Well, at least we're level. So we'll see you next week.

And you know what I would've did? I would've threw four more in his backpack. That's how you deal with that. If you're those seven, I'm giving you four. Here's four more. So but and here's and he like, here's the other half of that coin is is, like, especially kids that if they're missing a certain amount of support structure at their house, whether it be on purpose or not, Some of them actually just need you to call them to something better. Yeah. Yeah. Actually, to expect something out of them. Right? And so, like, some of the way that, like like, my kids would feel love or or, like, my kids know that I love them is because I expect a a certain thing from them. I didn't care for them, I'd let them do whatever they want, which is why I didn't let him steal seven sodas today. Right. I totally let him keep the soda. Right. Right? But, like, I needed him to know that, like, I need more out of you than this because because you can do better than this. Right? And, like, that kid keeps showing up now, he stops stealing sodas from me. Yeah. Yeah. Mean, he's still he's a pain, but he's a good he's a good kid. You know? And so, like, some of some of the things come back. Were the like, the the response to, like, some of the the higher rates of anxiety and depression that I think we see within kids, one, I think, is heavily driven by social media. For sure. And, like and and even people who don't love Jesus will tell you the exact same thing. Ask their teacher. You know, ask them where they think a lot of this has come from. And so, like, and some of that is, like, they're surrounding themselves in a community. If you spend most of your time looking at a screen all day, no one's really asking anything of you. They don't expect anything out of you. You just get to be a big blob of a consumer. Yes. And so, like, when someone then turns around and then asks something of you, you rebel against that immediately. You're like, how dare you? I'm I'm loved in this community. You're falsely loved. Like, it's not actually love, you know, but, like like,

they feel it that way because they spend a lot of their time there. And so, you know, when when it it lacks and parents start to get disconnected with it and they're like, I don't we don't watch the same thing on social media, so I just let them do whatever they want. Yeah. You you might wanna reconsider that to a certain extent or you need to get on social media and find a way if you're gonna allow your to be in it, which I'm not speaking to that one positive or negative. I'm just saying if you're gonna allow your kids to be in it, I think you should join them in it. Yeah. I think you should find funny TikToks and watch it with them. That's what I think you should do. Yes. And if you're gonna stay out of it completely, I wouldn't leave them to to their own devices like kicking a nine year old out into a movie theater where half of them are r rated and half of them are PG. Which one do you think they're gonna end up in? Mhmm. Mhmm. Right? And so, like, you're you're not giving them freedom. You're giving them chains. You're just letting them think that they can pick the chains. Right. Right? They get to choose their own pharaoh is the option that you've given them. It's just dangerous for them. Right? Is dangerous for And it's not looking at them any less. I don't belong in that situation either. Mhmm. I don't do free Internet at my house. Right? Like, we go, these are the boundaries of which the Internet may be used and the way that we're gonna use social media and the way that my wife can see my phone anytime she wants to. Right? These are protections for me. Yeah. Right? And so you should you should think about it the same way with your kids. Right? Because all the social media and all that stuff, it does lead to an anxiety and a questioning who who you are. And, like, frankly, as parents, we we bail. Like, because we're like, we don't I don't wanna offend. I don't really know what they're talking about. They're using words I don't understand. They said d's nuts six times a day, and I don't know how many times they allow this before it's like I mean, it's still kinda funny. And, you know and so, like, I yeah. I the thing that I that I I love most about youth ministry and the thing that I struggle the most about is, like, it it reveals my own frailty as a parent. Right? Because, like and it's just as you said. Right? Like, when your parents have the wherewithal, especially if you if you come from a Jesus loving home. Right? When your parents have the wherewithal to know that, like, if you want Christ to be validated,

you're gonna have to show them other people that actually are living this thing too. That it's not just your thing like the shoes by the door or, you know, or how often the kitty litter gets changed out. Because if your religion looks like that, your kids will look at it that way. You know? Instead of just being a set of rules at your place, then it looks like, oh, yeah. They go to youth initiative stuff and, like, Emily totally said the exact same thing you did. This is validating to me that other adults believe the same thing. And so I thought that was a really good point, actually. It really it does it's a good point for like having, you know, having your kids go to a youth ministry outside of your own community or outside of your own church. It's why going to, like, big Christian concerts every once in while is is good for them. Not just because the music's good. So most Christian music is rough. It's not great. Right? But to get in a room of 5,000 people who love Jesus, you're gonna feel that. Yeah. Because you realize you're not the only one. And so and and no teenager wants to be the only one because if they are isolated, then they're a target. That's correct. That's why they pack, you know? And that's why they struggle,

And that's why they're so mean to each other because they're always constantly trying to protect their place in whatever pack or whatever group they get into, whether that be like when we were in high school, was the emos and the you know, band kids. Like, all these jocks, all these different things, and they don't wanna be kicked out of one of those. And so when you get them in a Christian group, then they realize, oh, these are my people and I'm safe here. And they're not gonna kick me out. Well, they shouldn't. Yeah, and I mean, that was my story. That literally was when I was in high school. Came to Christianity

when I was a junior, or sophomore and junior. And I think it was because I kind of hung out with everybody at school. I wasn't really into one particular thing. I didn't really have one best friend I hung out with. And then I started going to youth group, and I finally felt like I belonged somewhere. Yes, finally found my people. And I think for me, even as an angsty teenager, when we were talking earlier, I think a lot of times I would do something because I just felt like my parents didn't care, and because they weren't disciplining me. I hope they don't listen to the second man out of me, but, like, my mom's gonna be like, what do you mean? That's why that's why I burned down the boyfriend's house. And then I burned down my boyfriend's house. Pay attention to your mom.

But I think, a lot of times I wanted attention. And I was a good kid. I really was. From the outside looking in, I was a really good kid. But I would do things, and I would push boundaries because I wanted to see if they cared. So a lot of times, I wanted my mom to tell me to stop, but she didn't, because she didn't wanna. And so, I think with our own kids, I can keep that in my mind of like, and even with the youth kids, I know sometimes they're pushing boundaries because they wanna see if I care enough to discipline. And so when they do come into our youth initiative events,

we kind of go over rules at the beginning, we make sure that kids are being kind, and we go around. And so they know in that environment that they're safe and that those rules apply. So on the one hand, for the kids who did grow up in a Christian home, Oh, these are the same rules and these are the same people, so you get that. But then also for the kids who don't have that at home, they're like, wow, this is way different than at my house, and I feel welcome, and I feel safe, and all of those things, and then that can help draw you to Jesus, because that's what happened to me. Yeah, and it's a great example actually, because we just get so messed up on the thought process of freedom. Right? Like Mhmm. Freedom doesn't mean throwing all the doors off your car and then rolling down the highway, and you're like, yes. This feels like ultimate freedom. This feels like I'm about to die. This is it feels like. Right? Yep. And, like, if your if your your child is asking for that level of freedom, you have zero

zero reason to give it to him. Zero because you wouldn't take that level. That's not actual freedom. Yeah. It's danger. Yeah. Yeah. You know? And so, like and we're and and what we're inviting them to is is is what Jesus calls freedom. And, like, he totally, you know, defines this as being free of all the things, all the broken. That's what he takes. Right? He says, you give me the broken. I'll put things back together. When you break it again, you come back. That's freedom. That says that says you can keep going and and, like, you you follow me, and I will show you how to live not broken. And when even when you screw it up, I'm gonna I'm gonna put it right back to where I intended it to be. Mhmm. That is what freedom looks like because it lets you take risks, and it lets you hang out with the crazy holy spirit at Friday in the in the cougar. And you're like, where did this come from? Where are we going? Why are we moving to China? Why am I selling all my stuff? Why are we adopting kids when I'm 55? Why am I giving all my money away? Mhmm. Right? And then the holy spirit goes, you guys should jump in. We got some stuff. You know? Like, that's that's freedom, and that's what we're inviting kids to. Right? And and, like, we just feel like we're we're so worried about stepping on their individuality and, like, their freedom to to be who they wanna be, but, like, I can't trust who I wanted to be at 15. I was an idiot. Yeah. Yeah. Made all kinds of terrible decisions. Yeah. I made all kinds of terrible decisions yesterday. Yeah. Right. You know, I was thinking of that recently, like, just an interaction between a couple of my children and and my wife and then I, to a certain extent. And I thought, what is it coming out of these kids' mouths? And then I thought, I would be so ashamed of myself. I'm sure of it. If I went to look back at like the things I said and the types of the attitude I had about it and to the types of people that I talk to in some sort of, like, arrogant way. Like, I just can't imagine that I wouldn't be so ashamed to look back at myself on how I used to behave. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It didn't seem outrageous at the time, and it was probably the best I had to offer. Mhmm. But, like, I just what I lacked That's on all cylinders that day. It's still terrible. And thank goodness we didn't have social media. Yeah. I put it out there for everyone to see. And it would show up every like, here's your ten years ago memory. Like, I'm I thank God every day that I didn't have social media when I was in the middle of school.

Know. I know. And it's like and and not to say, like I get it. It's it's I think we all can look back. This is more towards the parents looking at your children, not the children looking back. Right. It's like, just just recognize that, like, your kid's working on it, man. Like, this is the this may be the best they have to offer. You're like you're you're twenty years. You're thirty years ahead of them. Alright? And so, like, I I I think we have a tendency to wanna go, like, here's here's my life lessons. Here's here's here's what I just came to awesome about a year ago, and I think it's really awesome. Why aren't you behaving this way? And, like, it's a it just takes time for people to own those types of things, to get comfortable in those types of things, especially, and this is probably more for, like, Christian parents, but, like, you know, like, you you start to feel as you walk closer with Jesus, you feel it. And, like, sometimes you wanna jump the steps. Mhmm. Like, just as as people get to know what the faith is, they they they learn to feel and listen to the holy spirit in their lives. And, like, sometimes we just wanna transplant them into, like, look like what the holy spirit we believe the holy spirit would have them do. And that's actually where we create, like, very shallow Mhmm. Casual faith. Yep. And so, like, if if god was okay with the sanctification process, like, you gotta be patient and help them through it, not try to jump over it. Yeah. Yeah. Like, it's funny because a lot of people will say, like, I just wanna give my kids better than I got. And, like, the output of what how you think that system works is what? We end up with, like, some kind of superhuman five generations in. It doesn't it doesn't even work. You know it doesn't work like that. You're fooling yourself. Yeah. Right? Like, there there is a certain thing about saying, don't want my kids to struggle all the things that I struggled with and blah blah blah, and I'm gonna change this. Everybody's got a thing about their parents that they're like, I'm never gonna do that. You know? And then, like, you're just you're just not gonna nail it. Yeah. You're just not. You know? And you gotta be okay with the fact that you're gonna screw it up. And, like, I've had this conversation with my kids before and say, look. I gotta be especially the oldest one. I'm like, I've never raised a blank year old kid before. Yeah. This is my first time. And so, like, I'm gonna make some mistakes that I can't take back, and you're gonna disagree with. And I'm just gonna ask you to give me some grace, and then when you're 25, let's talk about it and see how where I was way off. And you can do something different with your kids. I think that's fine. Yeah. Mhmm. But, like Yeah. Learn from my mistakes. Right? And I think you're I think if actually, if you're if you're being honest with yourself, I would just totally have that conversation with your kids, especially as they get older. Say, look. I mean, I'm doing the best I can here with the facts that I got and what I think is best for you, and you know that. So I this is I'm sticking with my decision. I'm sticking with the thing that I said, but you know where it's coming from. So I'm just gonna ask you to try to abide with it and see what you think. And take comfort in the fact

that God loves your kid more than you do, And that just like He has been at work in your life, He is at work in their life. And it might not have anything to do with you at the moment. He might be doing something through their struggle and through their pain, you have no idea. So we have to just First of all, so we just had a kindergarten teacher that we interviewed. Carol Byer lives in our town. She taught for years and years and years. And she was talking about how kids would bring their kindergartners to school and they'd been trying to teach them to read. And I was one of those parents who was like, I got to teach them this way. They got to know how to do this before they go to school. And so we asked her, we're like, you know, what can we do to prepare our kids? And she said, Just read to them. And she's been teaching for years. She's like, don't teach them how to read. Just read to them. I will teach them how to read. You just you know? And I think about that with my teenagers. I'm like, if I spend time with them and they see me love Jesus and I show them love, then I'm teaching them way more than I realize I'm teaching them, if that makes sense. I don't have to be like, this is right and this is wrong and you have I don't have to constantly be nitpicking.

Obviously, there's a little bit of that. But I guess it's much simpler than we think it is. Yeah, it's like we just need to get him to Jesus' feet. We get him to Jesus' feet and God does the rest. And so I think a lot of times we feel like we have to have this, I don't know, we're obviously gonna have these conversations with our kids about

what the truth is and what the Bible says and what we believe and all of these things. But I think sometimes can put it out there, and then the best thing that we can do is let them be an angry teenager, and we just pray a lot. And that is gonna do a lot more than you even realize. And do you know how much you know how much more freedom you have, like, especially these people that are trying to tell people about Jesus. This goes for adults and kids. Right? Stop assuming you're the first guy to walk in the door and tell somebody about Jesus. Yeah. If everybody you meet, if you just assume that God's already working in their life Yeah. Then you're just coming alongside. Yeah. Right? Like, but if you feel like you have to do this major lift, if you feel like they're already in a deficit and you're having to, like, reintroduce God in this whole picture, you're gonna you're gonna screw this up. Yep. Yeah. Just assume that God loves them more than you, is already doing work in their life, and you're just being called to step in right aside. Yeah. And, like, it takes all the worry and all the hassle out of it, and then you get to do whatever God is asking you to do, right, without carrying this big huge load. And, like, it's hardest for parents, right, because you do feel that, especially if you're raising kids to love Jesus, you're like, I'm failing at this. You're never gonna love Jesus. I totally screwed this up. Why am I such a pagan? You know? Just go cry in the closet, and it'll be over very You cry where everyone else cries, and then you turn that frown upside down and get back out there.

K. You're listening to live from the path on livefromthepath.org. We're talking about youth stuff and the Pleasantville Youth Initiative, and we're talking to Jenny Koenig and Emily Calkins. And you guys actually do your own podcast. Correct? Yeah. Yeah. And it's called Oh, there it is. Wait. Wait. Hold on a second. Nope. Reel that back in. Was that oop? Oop. There it is. There it is. Like, hope with the h gone. Yeah. Okay. Got it. You know how, like, Midwest people are always like, oh. Oh. Sorry. Excuse me. Yeah. Totally. Okay. Got it. So it's oh. There it is. The whole point behind we only have Sorry. What's the punctuation after the Is there ellipses? There's a oh, hold on. Me Kinda like the song.

Won't there There it is. Okay. Got it. It's common sense. We so so the whole point behind it is, you know, Pleasantville Youth Initiative, we believe every person is a gem. Okay? So we and by that, we mean that God has designed something unique and beautiful in each of us that matters, that is beautiful, and is often covered up with gunk and culture and pain and all that jazz. And so our goal behind that podcast is that we interview small town people, and then we as we listen to them,

we sort of dig out what that gem is that we see, and then we tell them what it is. So, like, at the end of the podcast, we're like, here's what we see in you, you know, that sort of thing. Yeah. And in the process, we get to learn all about and we won't we only have three episodes, and we don't always interview has it ever gone terrible? Where someone's like, no. That's not accurate at all. Not yet. Long things. Not yet. Like kitty litter. Not yet, it's sure too. That is my favorite part of the podcast though. I mean, the couple episodes that we've done. I think we just in our culture are so used to pointing out what's wrong in everyone else, and to do something where we're actually pointing out what's right. And what I see in you that's valuable. And I just don't think we do that very often. I know myself, if anyone gives me a compliment, I instantly just start bawling, I'm like, what is this? This is a problem. Reaper. You know? This person's trying say nice things to me. They're trying to launder money. Yeah. Yeah.

This is making me uncomfortable. Shady McSilence is after it again. My hair looks dumb. What do you know? Move along. Whatever. Yeah. So yeah. So in the podcast, we just we talk about whatever's on our minds. Recently, it was Halloween costumes and candy. We about Lord of the Rings a lot too. We did talk about Lord of the Rings. So I totally saw a guy at work that embodies

the movie Lord of the Rings. I don't know exactly how, but I called him Lord of the Rings. He's gotta be seven foot, has a Gandalf beard, but looks nothing like Gandalf. He's, like, 25. And, like, he's I I gotta get picture of him, but then you'll think I'm making funny of him. But he totally if you were to imagine Lord of the Rings as a man person. Everything everything wrapped up into one. This is the dude. It's the guy. Kinda looks like Gandalf, kinda looks like a troll, kinda looks like a hobbit. It's just Yes. Like, you look like a mystical creature. He did. Does he have long or short hair? No. Long hair. How prominent is his nose? I'd say prominent. How thick are his eyebrows? Very thick, in fact. Would you call him athletically built? No. No. I would call him like a tall troll.

Like a tall troll. Let's call a tall dwarf. Full package. Yeah. He's like a Lord of the Rings jigsaw puzzle put together in, like, an incorrect order. Like the body of Christ. Yes. Did he have any Maybe not. Were there hairy feet? I didn't see he didn't get his feet out. And he felt like the guy that would be grading, like, English papers and go, you shall not pass. Hey, man. That's that's the life of the path complaint line. 5155 if you also have bad jokes, 517-0085. Call or text. By the way, the complaint line submits that the next

coronavirus variant will be called Omnimic. Yeah. See, they they already kicked off the bad joke thing. Okay. Alright. You wanna do some we got you want guys wanna talk about anything else, or we're gonna do some advice and get on out of here? Well, okay. Well, you can sign up. You can go check out this podcast. I presume wherever podcasts are harvested. Yes. Yes. Or Op, there it is podcast.com. Op, again again with the punctuation.

There's no there's no ellipses. Op. No. It's just Op, There it is. There's no punctuation. Op. There it is. Op. There it is. You gotta say Google it. Do you have to put, like, three spaces in it, or do you just it's just op space. There it is. Okay. Okay. So okay. I see what you're saying. So it's op, comma. Op, there it is. Exclamation point. I knew there was a comma. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not a 100% you didn't know that just based on the last two minutes of conversation. We only have three episodes. Look at Shane. She works with words. I do numbers. I don't know what's going on. I love people. Love people, and I do math. That's right. There's no numerals in this podcast name. It doesn't even apply to me. I just sit there and agree with everything Jenny said. That's 18. That's all I have to say about that.

Yeah. So, hey, go check that out. Go the Op There It Is podcast. You're gonna Google that. Now here's the thing. Just be mindful that it might bring up TikToks. Yeah. And if if you don't wanna get drawn in for forty five minutes and and have no idea where the time went, don't click on the TikToks. Go to the podcast first. The podcast. Yes. Okay. Sign up for that. Yes. Do that. Oh, okay. Here we go. Ready? I'm hold on. Okay. I'm ready. Here. Dear life from the path. I have two sons, 18 and 20. Since they were young, whenever we invited one of their friends to join us for an activity, dinner, etcetera, I have treated that friend. Over the past few years, we have included one friend in more activities as well as on numerous family vacations. The problem is the more we have treated this friend, the more he has expected.

For example, during our last week long vacation, he expected us to pay not only for every meal, but also for every incidental. When he was once asked for for $10 by a vendor, he immediately complained. It's for a short safety class so he could get jet ski as our guest. Before he was 18, his parents sent money to help cover expenses, but now I cover it all. This would be a lot easier to accept if he even once said thank you or seemed appreciative. Aside from this, he's pleasant, respectful 19 year old who has been my son's friend for almost ten years. Should I say something to him? Should I ask if he enjoys our trips and activities, if he can cover some of his own expenses? Is it easily financially feasible? I don't want to risk my son's friendship, but I feel the situation has gotten out of hand. Okay. Here's what I'd ask you. Two two things. I I don't don't

you're worrying too much about your own generosity. But but secondly, would you tell him if he had a booger on his cheek? Yeah. Because if you would and you feel like you're close to this man, then you may mention it. Because every indication is like he just doesn't if his parents were paying for it before, he's just not thinking about it, that something about his life has transitioned where the expectation from him has changed. And

again, it's not boundaries in the way that we were talking about earlier, but how can I expect people to behave differently and not help them behave differently? When there's some there's all kinds of things I'm blind to. You know how many times I went to work, when I was we used to go to the office. Like, no joke, within eighteen months' time, I went to work three times with my shirt backwards. Flat out backwards. And there was a lady there who just made it a thing in the morning. She would come by and go, okay. It's alright today.

And then then every once in while, she goes, your tag's sticking out the front of your because I would get up at, like, six in the morning, and I don't use mirrors or anything. I get dressed. I was getting dressed in the dark, and then I just I had no idea. And, like, either you can go, look at that jackwagon who keeps wearing a shirt backwards all the time, or you go, hey. Did you know that your shirt is backwards? And so, like, I get with money things get sensitive. Given your relationship with the kid who's been in your family vacations and stuff, just like, I mean, I'd I'd tell him. I'd say it just like, it it is it feels weird, man. I think that's fine. Yeah. I no. Mm-mm. I mean, you're just gonna keep you're just gonna keep paying it? No. Here's the thing. It's like if you

if you actually love him like a son, then yes. I think you should definitely do. Mhmm. But, like, you invited the kid. Right? Like, it's not like I invite any of my daughter's friends. It's like, hey. We're going to Burger King. You better go get $10 from your dad. Otherwise, you're good coming. Right? I ain't Oh, totally. You're good. Yeah. Yeah. Right? I'm I'm paying for it. Yeah. And, like, I mean, I suppose if he's being for I think it's the little things that seem to be irritating her. Right? Like like, was asked for $10 for ski lessons. Well, you flew him out there because the whole family was going skiing. Yeah. He was gonna have to have skiing lessons. Like, this is not wasn't a surprise. Yeah. That's where it seems weird. Like, if he went to the like, everybody stopped at the he wanted a snack on the way there, and he had you pay for the Snickers bar. That actually feels a little different to me than the the ski rental. Yeah. Imagine, like, I was I took your daughter with me to the gas station with my two other kids, and I'm like, okay, guys. Get whatever you want. And then I pay for me and my two daughters, and I look at your kid and go, good luck. We'll be in the car waiting. He's 20 years old? I can't not imagine. Invited. Yeah. Yeah. I understand. I don't have you ever been invited to, like, a situation that you're like, I know I don't belong here without this invitation? Like, I I want Yeah. Yeah. Either be in on my own or whatever. I like I feel like that's the situation with the ski thing. Like, you were invited. Like, you invited the kid. And so, like, you should just plan on taking him and paying for the things. If you can't afford it or it's getting weird or you think it's actually a good teaching lesson for a son who doesn't have much parenting at home, think I you should totally have that conversation. But if it's legit just about the money, like, I need to stop inviting him. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. Don't read this way. That's why I said, like, the first thing is, like, you gotta get over that piece. Like, I think you you're the there's no reason to obsess about it unless he's making himself look silly and he doesn't know it. Then I think you should probably say something. Right. And, actually, the situation itself I mean, it says more than she thinks. Right? Like, I took my whole family on a week long skiing vacation. This $10 at the with the skiing thing. I'm having a hard time feeling the impact of this. Anybody else wanna weigh in on this woman?

Find the good the gender. I was gonna say, I think that you have done a very good job loving this child, and this child feels like they are your child. Yeah. And so if that's how they feel, then I would continue on with that. Because, like, if you come in and then treat them differently, they may not feel as welcome. Yeah. Because, like, you're inviting somebody on 10 You owe me $10. Yeah. You're inviting them on intimate family type things. Like, it's not like, oh, we're going to the restaurant. It's like, we're going to Florida to Disney World. You can come with us. That's a Yeah. Right. That's a big deal. This is a yes. This is a you're inviting him on family activities and then trying to treat him as if he is not family. Yeah. Yeah. And, like, I mean Or surprised when he acts like family. Right. Do you think do you think that shifts? Like, is there a is there like, do you feel like you're in, Mike, for anytime you invite your kids anywhere for the rest of their lives, it's it's on your dime? I would say until they're probably thirties, 35. 35. That's what I'm than me for sure. Yeah. I had too many kids. Yeah. We I should have stopped it, like, two. I put four kids like, they're gonna be old enough at the time where, like, I could be paying for four adults

to eat. Gosh. I didn't think about that. They should they should send you a mailer. After you have your second kid, they should say, hey. Did you think about this, though? Now the truth is is one will dislike you and probably not be around for some of the meals. I think they're gonna come and eat spitefully on my diet. I do have to say my I am I am 36 years old, and my parents, we live next to them. They still will, like, sneak down the driveway, like, if they're going out to dinner because they're afraid that they're gonna see us, and we're gonna go with them, and they're gonna have to pay for Because they can't they like, we can't go with them, and they just they want to pay. You know what mean? Yeah. Every time they walk by, you should be like, can we get appetizer? Yeah. So just don't live next to your kids where they can see you. Okay. It's convenient for them to get out to dinner with you. I do that now, actually. I'm like, hey. I gotta I gotta run and go fill up the good you know, get gas for the mower. The kids are like, can I go? I'm like, it's not gonna work out. Because

I wanna buy things from the gas station, and I don't wanna buy five of them. Yes. Yes. Yeah. It's just not why won't it work out? I don't know. It's trouble on the roads. There's there's Banditos. I don't want you guys in that kind of mess. Is dad okay with the Bandito, though? Yeah. We'll see when he gets back. He's with a Slim Jim. Yeah. That's right. I feel like he bought a full strength Pepsi while was Yeah. That's why I was the one guy. The the Bergens took all the full calf. So sorry, kids. It's what it's like at the Casey's.

No. You can't have that diet soda. Let's cut that saccharin in it. Bad for you. We have to be careful on how your bodies are growing. We talked to these ladies. They said okay. Here we go. I I forgot to mention. They signed it not an ATM in the South. Okay. Alright. Well, that is That twisted. Tagged it with some sass. Oh. Yeah. Now we gotta now we gotta talk about your heart. Bless your heart. That's what the seven people say. Bless your heart. Yeah. Actually, you know what? You know what's interesting to this person is I would say you've done all the work of kindness, and now you just refuse to accept it. Like, the hard work is to it's to hand over the money. The hard work is to spend it on the guy. The hard work is to invite him in. You already did all the gracious things. Now all you gotta do is keep from jabbing your mouth about it and just go, glad I could help. Yeah. Mhmm. Failing. Mhmm. What a thing to fail on. I know. You already did. Alright. Secular says,

you mentioned this young man's parents stopped reimbursing you for their son's expenses when he turned 18. What other things do they expect him to start shouldering responsibility for? You have been more than generous by continuing to subsidize him. Because you are uncomfortable with the situation, a conversation is overdue about how things should be handled in the future. Be sure to let him know that he is always welcome, but now he's an adult and some ground rules need to be set. And since your son's friend seems to not have mastered the words thank you, it would be a kindness to remind him how important they are. That is a tricky spot Mhmm. Is is to be generous, but, like I mean, you think about even this with your own kids. Right? Like, you wanna be generous with them, but like recognize. When someone has done something of a kindness to them. So actually this happened, this happened today is, is I think one of my kids had an expectation. They were looking for a Halloween costume or something and having a hard time finding the right thing. And so my wife ended up taking them to like four different places to try to find this particular, like the thrift stores and whatever. And and I think there was a thought that like, hey, we've looked around a lot. If we don't find it next, you might have to think about changing your costume. Like, I'm not sure we're gonna be able to find this thing. She took it real harsh and

and was a little accusatory towards the mother. And I, and I, the, the blindness there was is that like like, obviously we don't have to go to four different places. Like we could have just said, look, we, we gave one a shot and that's it. But like, we're trying. And there was just like a lack of appreciation that like, you weren't really owed that. And it's like, totally glad to do it. That's why it happened. But like having someone not recognize that they should be appreciative of that because like, whatever they had in their head as if they were owed, it was not right. Like you're missing the world. Not, I'm not mad about it, but like you are taking it in wrong. That one is a little bit harder because then, like, you always feel like a real weasel to go, and did you say thank you to me? Like and that's not what you're after, but, It does feel weird to say that. Yeah. But the thing is is, like, almost all things are skills. Right? That's it's a skill to to be appreciative. Right? Like Mhmm. Like, I'd like to sell it as if it's just as a heart change through the holy spirit. And, like, it is, but that's not the finality of it. Like, it is a skill. You have to embrace it and work on it and practice it and beat down the part that goes, I deserve better than this. And, like, it's a skill that you do have to teach Yeah. People, you know, and especially your kids. And, like, you do feel like a total jerk. Right? Did you thank your mom for making dinner tonight? Anytime.

That's the best you got right there? Yeah. Actually but, you know, that goes back to one of the things we started the show with, which is, like, it's okay. Fake it till you make it gets a bad rap, but not because like to see the end of this. Go ahead, It's not because you are it's not because you are you're trying to falsify something. It's the same process of building good of of getting better at something. Like, it would be like someone who says, like, I stink it at shooting free throws. And then, like, they shoot four or five, and you come in and go, faker. You're a total liar. Right? What does what does it look like to practice something so that it creates a visibility into it so that you could get better at it? It's the same thing as faking it. Like, it's it's but it it's your intention with the process. You're not trying to deceive someone.

You're trying to grow through it. And so, like, it's it's one of the things where didn't is the complaint line (515) 517-0085 is that like, I would generally say, like, you gotta be cautious on if you want your kids to get to church, but like, like you can create some very negative vibes in them on how you force them to do it. But like, I would also say that like you build, it's okay to build habits in them. It's okay to set boundaries and go, look, I, you don't have, I can't force anything in your mind or heart to love this thing, but like, this is the, this is what we are doing. And, like, again, it's it's it's a it's a help to them to set a habit even if they don't love the habit. Well yeah. And some of the some exterior changes or interior changes happen by practicing the output. Yes. You know? And so, like and that's I mean, we talk about that when all kinds of stuff. When we talk about addiction related things or, like, wandering eyes from fellas. Right? Like, you set up fences and and and and allow growth in a safe space, and, like, that's it's kind of the same thing. Yeah. That's right. It's it's it's okay to say like, we are looking for

not behavior modifications, gospel transformation. That's that's how the thing happens. But it doesn't mean that you don't still stay on the sidewalk when it makes sense. It doesn't mean, like, when you're coming out of addiction, you don't go hang out with the people that you were hanging out with beforehand. Right. Like, there's a reason for that. You don't have to create miracles out of nothing. There's a prudence with how to walk. And, like, I will, like, remind you that, like, when you think how the whole world is rescued, right, Jesus shows up on earth, doesn't have to do that. God can totally just yell from the heavens and go, I think I rescued the thing. Have that. But there's a reason Jesus walks the earth. There's a reason He prays. There's a reason that He holds bread. There's a reason that he serves. There's a reason that he physically shows and dies because our level of what it looks like to, like, fully forgive will never reach the extent of the example that Jesus gives. And so like, like we will self limit of what it looks like to take, to do physical human behavior. And so like, there's a very, there's a, there's a true grace and even not just what Jesus does, but how he comes to do it. And so it's okay that we align the things that are in our hearts to the things that come out of our fingers and our mouths and how I comb my hair and all the things like it's okay. This concept of separation between

internal and external is very much more of both a modern thing and a Western thing than it is an Eastern thing. And so, or Jesus' time certainly like, and so it's, it's just, it's okay to say, to repeat the prayers. It's okay to bow. It's okay to say, I don't know my full heart isn't in this thing, but I'm going to make sure that I do this because I'm shooting free throws. I'm practicing what it looks like to be where I know that I wanna be. And there is a obedience in that that is still good. And edifying. And edifying. Like, you can overdo it. You can worship it. That's right. You can worship it as a a parent. You do run you you can make that that's right. You can make that a god for your children and they will flee from that god and they will chuck god in the process. And so, like, I know why there's a there's a hesitance to it. There's a rebellion against where we've misused it. But, again, there's a bit of baby bathwater going on there where I think we just have to be cautious about how we think about it. Yeah. K. Last one. You ready? Nope. Yep. They're lying from the path. I'm so disgusted. Uh-oh. My husband has started walking around the house with no underpants, letting it all hang out, so to speak. Wait. It gets better. Then

he makes comments like, doesn't this look good? I gotta meet this guy. Okay. Hey. Hey. You're looking at him. Emily, did you write this? Yeah. K. Go ahead. Tug it up. Here we go. We're not done. I'm sickened by his behavior. I feel violated. Wow. How do I tell him to stop without hurting his male pride? Okay. Violated? I don't know. I mean, you married this gorilla. I you know? I have so many questions. What does she sign this as, or do you not say that yet? Covering my eyes. What I wanna know is, are your curtains open? Do you live in town? I would open the curtains. Here's what I'm gonna say.

If your curtains are open, this better be coming from somebody else. Like, you should go, yes. Thank you. I like that. Not on the sofa. Yeah. Yeah. You can't sit there Yeah. And you're not cooking. Yeah. There's ground rules, I think, that need to be set. Yeah. I guess You know, men are like toddlers. If you don't if you don't give him the attention I think tell you. Like, I need you to cook me some bacon. How's this look? What? The thought process going through this man's head when he gets into his house and goes, was it? Oh, yeah. Is it hot? She's gonna live in Texas.

I mean, first of all, you could not know your wife anymore, friend. I can tell you right now, she does not love almost any woman's gonna go, no. Thank you. No. Thank you. No. This is not even coming close to the practical 99.95% of the way that we live our lives. You need to put that away. I own one. I don't wanna even wanna see it. It's time for it to go away. I don't think we're get we cannot be getting a whole story here. What do you think the side story is? More questions. Like, is it hot? Does he have a rash? Like Is this the only fix for a rash?

You you web ampede it and baby shower. Get out in the lord's air. That'll fix it. Does he have psoriasis? I don't have a problem with this movie. There's no reason. I do do we think like, do you think he's playing it off for comedy? I think he's a doofus. And and here's the thing. It's like, it would take one time to realize that the joke ain't landing. Right?

She used the words I feel violated. I feel like this is a bit strong. Okay. She might be overselling this slightly. Like, once again Yeah. You've seen this package of paper. Turn the air down to 50, and he'll put his pants back on. I swear. He'll like, oh, no. Just turn it way low. Figs are going the other direction. This used to look good. I don't know what to say about this guy. I don't know. You think this is fine? Well, I She's very afraid to hurt his male pride. I he I I I don't I don't I wouldn't be worried about it. And in all honesty, I I I don't understand the I don't understand this marriage relationship. Like, I like, I don't. Like, that reaction

that reaction to him, it should like, it might be you're embarrassing yourself, Ted. I get that. Or will you put that away? Yeah. I get that too. Like a, oh, shut up moment. But, like, there's something actually very, like, unfamiliar about her reaction to to I mean, no one else gets to see this man naked. Like, it's it's you. That's it. You're the only take renter of this man's glory. Right. And so, like Is it, though? Or are the cat of all crime? Are the neighbors seeing this too? That's what I hate to know. It doesn't say. Then I'd be like, you know, you might wanna wear some Right. So I that's what I'm saying. I think that's gonna be the first thing she would say. Like, if it was parading around in the public square in the wilds, I think that she would have mentioned it. Guys, there used to be her taking it in. Yeah. Used to be a man that would mow his yard in Pleasantville in a Speedo.

And she was we named him Speedo Man. And I mean, like, if it's if it's going if it's going to that level, then maybe. But I would love to have heard that in company. What should we call that, man? What about Speedo Man? Yeah. That's dead on. Yeah. James just you never you knew when you went trick or treating not to knock on his door. Wait a minute. Because he's gonna run the lawn? It's October. It's the end of October. Oh, he was always in it. Okay. So he's speedo all the time. Doesn't matter where he's mowing the lawn or not. No. I don't He's a real muppet, this guy. Anyway, I don't know why, brother. I'm sorry. I just it is equally hard to take in. That's why I find this man funny. And I'd say, like, if you I mean, we're you don't get to do it anywhere else. This is the only opportunity. If it seems like there either has to be something else going on or she's way too busy about it. Because if if this was, like like,

if my husband did that, I know he would be being stupid. Like, I know he would be trying to be funny, and I would be like, you're gross. Go away. It's a very small joke, sir. Yeah. It's a five zero five. Want him to knock it off or don't do that? Yeah. So I feel like if she's actually offended to the point where she's writing in, there's gotta be something else. Something else is happening. Otherwise, like, I feel like this would just go away. In fact, I like here's I'll be I I bet you could just it was the right right type of thing, if you were is this a healthy relationship, indulgent like once. Go, yep. I really do like that. And then you know what? You took the shine off him. Now he doesn't feel it's he's like the teenager, like, trying to get to rise again. About the toddler thing. Yes. Yeah. That's right. Don't overreact. Yeah. That's true. Thank you for sharing this with me.

Yeah. I know you're going through some things that I don't understand. You pray a lot. Here's a snack. Here's a snack. Okay. I'll take a nap. That's gonna backfire. This is how we get snacks around here? Yeah. Until he goes, do you go to the store today? No. Oh. And then he shows up fully clothed. I'll

go find some pants. I hate to stay. I'm more for him. Yeah. I'm for him. I think I think this is fine. Okay. Hold on. The question was the the thing isn't whether she's wrong. Her question is, how do I tell him to stop without hurting his male pride? And your answer is you don't. But no. You could tell him to stop. I don't know. Like, I I I'm more I would more everyday, Ben. I think She didn't say cares if you hurt his male pride? Like, he's doing something that makes you uncomfortable.

Yeah. You need to be honest. You tell him that makes me uncomfortable. I'm scared that bugs you. It's an it's an elbow. It's not exactly an elbow. It's an elbow. Okay. So let let's say that let's say he was doing because you're presenting as if it's innocuous. Right? So let's she said it. Okay. So let's say that instead of him being in the Buckwilds, he's wearing a cheetah outfit. So he comes home every day, puts on a cheetah. Like pajamas? Yeah. He's wearing footy cheetah pajamas. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. And she really hates it and finds it offensive and ridiculous and a violation of where she stands. That doesn't that I I reject the violation of where she stands. She she doesn't care for it. She has the right to live in a home without a chia a a chia to live a chia pet. He has the right to live in the wild. What is the difference? I think in marriage, you have to find middle ground and be honest about your feelings. So so cheetah speedo is what I'm hearing. Just need to dial it back a little. In Fuzzville go. Woah.

Everything's coming up, Larry. Finally, the world's coming around. Yeah. This is a nothing burger of a conversation in Norma. You could look at a guy and go, I just you know, I know you think I appreciate that, and I'm glad to be associated with you, but not at this moment. Like, you can totally say this without offending his manhood. Like, there's totally ways to do this. It's the comments, Ben. Or you can get a taser. I mean Doesn't this look good? I mean, that's both. Okay. Give me two option in how he says it because there's multiple ways to say it. Doesn't doesn't this look good?

Or doesn't this look good? Or does this look good? Does yeah. Doesn't this look good? Are you sure she he's not just asking, like, to check a rash or something? Just say That's true. He just wants her attention. Please look at this. Please look at this. Can't see it. Yeah. Hey. Here's how you this is how you handle. Does this look good? Yes. I'm glad it's mine. Let's keep it that way. Go put some pants on. Yes. Yeah. You really yeah. I'd like to see it later. Yeah. I'd to see it later. Like, away right now.

Torpex on. Context is everything. Saran wrap the couch. Yeah. And get to Febreze out on your way back and see if the cat's alright. It seems terrifying. But for land's sakes, don't mow the lawn.

Put your speedo on. Okay. Secular sis. I'm gonna I'm gonna weigh it just like like, I think she's overreacting. Here's the thing. It's like, dudes are they're rough in this area. And sometimes when they don't know what to do, they straight result to goofiness. It's their attempt to try to bridge a gap that they don't know how to fix. And so, like, if he's if he's trying to do a thing and, like, most women know when their husband is trying to do a thing and failing at it. Yep. But trying they know what like, if he's trying and he's trying to do this thing for, like, the the betterment of your marriage or, like, to whatever. I mean, he's he's reaching for the wrong spice, but he's he's in the right cupboard. Right? So help him out. Now if he's just a straight up goofball, I don't know. You've been married to him for, I'm assuming, a decent amount of time. Right? Like, it'd be like, this shock and awe campaign that you're on seems a little oversold to me. Yeah. I feel like he could have written a letter. My wife has no sense of humor. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Or my wife doesn't like spicy chili. And for some reason, everybody hates it when I mow the lawn. I don't understand. I brought the heat. She ordered broccoli. I don't understand what's even happening.

I talk about myself in the third person. Come on, Larry. Let's go inside. We're unappreciated out here. Oh, okay. Oh, catfish. Okay. Secular Secular says, I'm this better match your advice. Here we go. I'm sorry you didn't mention how old your husband is and how long you two have been married, but any radical change in an older person's behavior could indicate a serious medical problem. Consider discussing this with your doctor because your exhibitionist spouse may need a medical and neurological exam to see if he's experienced a small stroke or the beginnings of dementia. If he is still, quotes, young and give him the affirmation he is asking for, then ask him to cover it up. I didn't consider the dementia. I like I did say we didn't cover medical condition, but I was thinking more skin. Now think think about it. Your husband's finally come up with with the gusto to try to pull off one of these maneuvers. Like, I'm gonna try this thing. And you go, hey, baby. Doesn't this look good? And you say, are you having a stroke? I'm worried about your mental. Yeah. Are you having dementia? Right? Okay.

So yeah. So practically, just think about what it takes this guy could be, like, an arrogant captain Antonio. Like, he could just be he could have no view of the world. But, like, let's just assume that he's not he's not wild and nuts. Alright? So just just think of what it takes I shouldn't have said nuts. That was a mistake. We're gonna Oh, jeez. We're gonna let it go. That was I was looking at the thrift store priest, and he would not look at me. And I thought, what what did I say? That's what I said. But, like And there he goes. Just

just reverse it. And you were trying to get your spouse's attention, and you literally laid it all out there. What does it feel like to feel coldly rejected in that moment? Just have some this is the man you love. You're committed to him and all his accoutrements. Just find a way to give him an affirmation and send him on his way. Yeah. I think that's true. Yeah. I would it would be a real like, again, you switch the roles. If if we switch the roles and the guy had a really negative reaction, you'd be all over that. No. I'd be yelling at type of insensitive turd would do that to yes. That And That's what I'm saying. Is there a book club going on? Like, is she having friends over and he's doing like, I think more information needed. Mention any of that. She didn't. Would that would be top tier information? That would be hard to give advice when you don't know the whole situation. Yeah. Yeah. But I I do think that, well, if those were in play, she most certainly would have mentioned it. Right? Because it's very easy to get people on your side to go, the neighbor kids saw your Christmas present, and

the the ladies from the book club don't enjoy him. Like, these are these things would have come up. So it sounds like it's just her, which, again, this it's that's a little bit different to me. I I would I would really beat up a dude for allowing his wife to to to if he if he did not react in a some sort of supportive, if not, like, yes, do it all the time. Mean, supportive kinda way. Yeah. He better bring everything he's got. Yeah. Yes. I've this is fantastic. Do it all the time. That's what I would expect the guy to say. And instead, she goes, oh. Yeah. Well, I've I feel violated. I I think she's way overselling it. I think that's way too far. I mean, the dude's I mean, this is a bit it's a bit off, but, like Depends on how many time well, I guess she hasn't told him to stop. Right? She's afraid to. Doing it a lot, though. Like, he's doing it all the time. So I'm sure she I mean, at first, if you're like, yay. This is great. But then it just keeps happening. At some point, you have to be like from a woman's perspective, though. Let's talk about women that would be like, oh, that's great. Like, no. No. That's a pretty rewarding theme.

The Internet has done that to fellas in some sort of belief that you're offering something that you're not offering. That people would want to take in visually. Yeah. That's a mistake. That's right. In fact, it was Eve that said, we should make some coverings. Real quick. Go find some big leaves. Is now known. We need to find some leaves.

Adam goes, why? Because she just went good. Yeah. I don't know. What's the problem? Doesn't this look good? Yeah. I'm gonna I'm gonna gonna go mow something. Alright. You've been listening to life from the path on lifeofthepath.org. Yeah. Let me let me let me Yeah. Do it. (515)

517-0085. That's call or text. Now listen with the texts. I don't wanna see it. I don't know what you're thinking, and you think it's 11:00 at night and you think you're funny. You're not funny. You complain about the show. That's what the line is for. Not for anything else that you think is happening.

Don't I know some sort of Internet meme popped into your mind that you thought was glorious related to this topic. I don't wanna see that either. K? As a matter of fact, you stay off the TikTok. Go to bed. You go to bed. You go to bed. That's right. The rest of the night listening to op. There it Yes. That's your redemption for the night. You read James one and two, and you listen to op That's what she needs to do. That's what she needs to say. Oh, there it is. Oh, there it is. Okay. It's

it's gonna produce the wrong thing in the stand. Oh, man. He's gonna go, and there it was. Alright. I didn't even produce the music for the show. We're gonna I'm gonna fade it out later in the postproduction. Alright. Thank you very much. For the ladies from Pleasantville Youth Initiative, Jenny Koenig and Emily Calkins, thank you guys for coming in. Yeah. Thanks for having us. It was fun. It was fun. We waited out the last twenty minutes. Maybe much. Maybe the first twenty. Theology and male nudity. At Anyway, thank you. Thanks so much for hanging out live from the path. If you got any feedback for the show, definitely use that complaint line. I don't want your pictures, and we'll try to be with you in the coming weeks. In the meantime, be faithful in the means. God will handle the end. You've been listening to live from the