Live from the Pathway And you're listening to Live From The Path. We're coming to you the Pathway Studios in Johnston proper, brought to you this week by RC Cola. That's Royal Crown Cola, the cola of choice of live from the past. Have y'all ever actually had RC Cola? Oh, yeah. I have. For sure. I don't think I've ever had question is that? I I don't think I've ever had it. Okay.

We've recently I saw this on the complaint line. We've lost the sponsorship of RC Cola based upon the start of our advertisement. Aboova goes, have you even had this? Because I have not. The best cola around. Yeah. Thank you and farewell, r c cola. I was giving you guys an opportunity to tell me how great it was. It's not that great. It's crisp. It's refreshing. Yeah. I don't think this this sponsorship was gonna last very long time anyway. Okay. I they bailed appropriately. This has been Foust. You're listening to Live From The Path. Thanks for hanging out with us this evening. Here's what we got going on the show. So big big question of the day. We were talking about

Jesus is is interacting with a couple of fellers, and one of the things that he says is dude comes up and says, Lord, I'm gonna follow you here, but let me let me wait bury my father. And Jesus says, let the dead bear their own dead.

And it's a it seems like a harsh harsh thing to say, and I will continue as we'll reset the scale once we start talking about it, but it is both less harsh than what you think and more harsh than what you think. But it brings out the question, in your own lives, are we evaluating for a but first? So god says, here's here's the thing that I want for you. Here's the way I want you to go about your life. And you say, sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. I'm I'm in. I love what you're saying. This sounds great. But first,

I'm gonna go do this thing. And it could be a, like, a big thing that you just big goal of yours that you got on your mind or which I think is likely in my case. I'd have to put a little bit more thought into it. But, like, it's it's probably a pretty steady evidence of how my time is being used where I've got a bucket of things that I know are good that God would call good, and I go, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But first, I'm gonna do I'm gonna do this. So it's not like a follow me, don't follow me. It's a probably a filthy and obedience thing on a daily basis is probably where mine lives. But, anyway, I thought maybe we'd we'll talk about that. Yeah. See see how that hits you. Also, there was an article in the news this week. I I don't know. Like, I'm kinda curious about

what it felt like. There was an article that said, can you be born again without feeling it? Oh. Yeah. Actually, that leads to an interesting yeah. We'll probably read that article. But, like, I was thinking about this the other day that, like, I tell people that their feelings can't be trusted. But one of the things that God promises is peace, and peace in in my mind is a feeling, a feeling of peace. You know? And so, like, it's not that all feelings can't be trusted.

I think you can feel it but not actually be born again. Oh. Oh, you're just did oh your own statement? That's a deed. Dan is is his own

theological hype man. But Dan Dan. Did I say that? Jeez. I think Dan. You can feel it Dan. And not be born again. Oh. Takes off the arm floaties and heads to the deep sea. Hot takes with Dan. Broker talk, Dan. Okay. Yeah. I

That would be super interesting because there's all kinds of people that's that that, like, have a a feeling of that. Right? Like, can all feelings not be trusted, or can some be trusted? You say only feelings from god can be trusted. No. No. Yeah. Actually, so let's get let's get into that. What do we mean when we say your feelings can't be trusted, and how should that relate to spiritual tingleys in general? Oh, can that Mike, did you just oo your own statement? I didn't oo. I said, oh, because a thought occurred to me. It's like, first of all, we gotta talk about whether that that is even theologically correct. Is it is it theologically correct to say that your your feelings can be trusted? Yeah. Yeah. We got any biblical basis for that or, like, we just said, the feelings in this world are so off and weird that it's best to just shelve 99 of them. Oh, no. Okay. Yeah. I can answer that. Yeah. Yeah. Good. Alright. Alright. We'll get to that. I have a question too. Okay. What the heck are the Nephilim? Yeah.

I read I know they came from somewhere, but oh. Oh, boy. Nice job, boob. It said Nefilim. Nefilim. Still reading through Genesis the last couple of days, and Genesis six mentions the sons of god mixing with the daughters in the world. Nephalim. Got full capital there. Nephalim. Nephalim. Whatever. And then I also have Not Nephalim, you said. Nephalim. And then I also have

my sister-in-law asked me that same question, like, a month and a half ago. Randomly, text me and asked me, hey. What do you think about the Nephilim? And I was like, oh, boy. I don't know if I'm prepared for that ask. Yeah. So and I Hello, sir. I just you're right. Exactly. I I wanted to figure out what we're thinking through that thing Okay. And what's going on in Genesis six. Okay. Will you pull once you get it ready, once you pull it up and let's read this okay. Good. Remember remember what you said? You feel him? You sounded so dumb. I it reminds me of an Elvis song where it goes, I caught in a trap. I can't walk out. Be No. Keep going, Ben. I'm ready. Oh, we love this. Yeah. I'm committed to it. I'm committed. You're gonna call Elvis and try and get that demonetized too? Because I love you too much, baby. Here's the deal. Know that song, but it drives me nuts at how long and how many times he repeats that specific musical phrase. Why can't you see it? It's over and over again for, like, seven minutes.

A call in a trap. Okay. I knew I knew boo boo would join on. Alright. Anyway, I know we're gonna do some advice on Dear Life from the Path. A great news, I think, for Mike. Nobody submitted a video onto the complaint line this week. So Mike is not required to do a fifteen minute exercise program of your audience selection. No. You're taking that in wrong. You just didn't say the second half of that bet. That means it's our choice if no one else selects. We we it is our choice. You have to you needed to have submitted it on the complaint line. Yeah. It's it's already come and gone. It's yoga. Here's what I'm saying. As I hear you guys and your your complaint line,

well, pushing to the side of it. Okay. I see what you've done, and you've missed out. Once again, I've disappointed myself. Yes. There's the same. We really need to take a couple of bits from this show tonight of all the random noises everyone has made so far because Ben just went pushed Dan went Mike is like, oh. Nathaniel has repeated everything. Okay. Okay. Here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna cut them. I'll find them, and we'll cut them all up and superimpose them over a man looking at a rotisserie chicken

at at the Walmart. Hey, man. Speaking of Walmart. Hot to do. It's great. We're just we should nobody has ringtones anymore. We should do live for the path ringtones. They're just random, like People call and goes, baby. A crawfish. Okay. Alright. So out of the gate out of the gate, the question is, is there a but first in your life. So the the back to the story of Jesus. Jesus talks to the guy and the guy and he says, let let me bury my dad. And Jesus says, let the dead bear their own dead. So couple quick things. I think there's multiple options as to what he's talking about. I do not believe that the, like, the dad has just died or something. Like,

even in con cultural context, like, family family member dies, certainly dad dies, there's, like, a morning time. They're staying home. They're not, like, out wandering around talking to itinerant preachers, picking up milk at the market or anything like Oh, they're things within twenty four hours. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's not like, yeah. Right. They're gonna bury the next day. They're gonna mourn the night over. Like, people will bring things they're not gonna be out and about. So, like, it's not that dad dies and Jesus goes, no way, man. You follow me or nothing. Okay? So I think there's two likely scenarios. The first one could be, you know, when you when you bury when you bury in that culture, the the body's gonna sit in the tomb for, like, a year, and then the bod then the bones are gonna be moved to the ossieri box. And so, like, he could mean my dad has been dead for a bit now, but, like, it's my responsibility after the year's up to go move the bones, and so let me do that. Could be. It could be that his dad is healthy.

There's no problem with him at all. And what he's basically saying is, like can go any minute. Yeah. Any day. Once my dad dies, which could be two hours or thirty years, then, like, I'll fulfill my family obligations, and then I will go follow you. So

so I I think it's it's it could be either one of those last two things seems most likely to me. However, what Jesus responds back to him is is basically says, let the dead bury their own dead, which is super offensive. Right? Because not only does it say, I'm asking you to forego your familial responsibilities, which were real real responsibilities. Right? Like, this is a nobody else can say what Jesus is saying. It's a very cavalier thing to say. No no rabbi in his right mind would say, don't don't ignore the fifth commandment,

honoring your mother and father, and come follow me. So, like, Jesus is saying something very unique here. But then he insults the the family that remains by basically saying, following if you follow me, this is life, and remaining behind is dead. And so let the dead bear their own dead. So but the but the crux of the of the reason he tells the story is is that, like,

you're you're put to a question of, you know, Jesus or or god is directing you to go do something, and you do have to make a decision. And do you have any but first but first, I need to attend to this thing. But first, I'm going to achieve this thing. But first, I'm gonna focus on this, and then I will do the thing that God is pointing me to do or that Jesus is is asking me to follow him in doing. And so to, I think, Nathaniel's initial question, do you have any do you have any but firsts? Does anything jump to mind? So I think about this in

like, the guy's calling was so clear, and I don't know that that folks nowadays feel as if their thing because, like, g when he said follow me, he meant both in the metaphorical capacity

and, like, physically, we're leaving. You come with me. You know I'm saying? Right. And so, like, this the the stage was already set for the guy, and he and he knew what all that meant. And it seems like most people like, if I were to sit down and talk to most Christians, I would say, well, what does god have you doing? And and most of them probably don't have much of an answer. You know? Like, they don't they're like, I don't I don't know. You know? And and there's caveats. Right? Because you're like, look. Not everybody's gonna be a Moses and a Daniel. Right? Some people are just gonna be sheep in and sheep out. But the question usually boils down to, like, did you ask him? Did you ask him what he wanted you to do or what he had for you? Like, did you spend any time at all discussing it with him? Or you're just like, look. God will show up with a big hot air balloon and a sign and tell me, you know, to to point me in a direction. I do wonder if that's if that's right, though. Like, he did not know anything else really except for Jesus saying, follow me. Right? Like, think of how varied the next three years is gonna be in Jesus' life. I I don't know that he actually knew. He just knew that he the same thing that, you know,

Peter knew. And What do you mean? You think the guy didn't know that it would mean, like, leaving town with him when he leaves? Or or he it may mean leaving town with him when he leaves, but I don't know if it like, do you know does he know what it actually means to follow him Well, that's even better. Like, it's a but it's a clear direction. Right? Like, you were saying, hey. Come with me to the store. Yeah. You know, like, you're like, okay. I can make a decision because I know what's gonna happen next. We're gonna go to the store. Yeah. But if you say, be with me, friend. Like, you're like, I don't know I don't know what that means. Pharmacy? Like like, always or, like, when you're sad or I I don't understand completely what we're talking about. Yeah. Okay. Or, like, I mean, is that a language language thing between or cultural thing or, like like, just follow me obviously mean from coming from a rabbi that, like, you will be my student now. It was it was a clear kingdom

talk going on there. Yeah. Come come come be part of my community my my kingdom and and follow me. I'm I'm your rabbi. Let me be your teacher. Yeah. So so the question is is, like, one, do people in general, like, feel like they know what god is asking of them apart from the normal view of just obedience in in I don't think people know that. Yeah. And I don't church no. Really. No. I mean, I think the church has screwed this up the last fifty years or so. We we've called them to a conversion moment. We've called them to a prayer, to a squeezing of a hand, to raise you know, say, how do you do at a concert and not to repentance and and not to obedience, and and

we we've we've we've it's our fault. Yeah. I think I think that's right. And I guess I I would I would ask why why would you even separate those out? Why do I have to ask what does god want me to do separate from the clear biblical calls to obedience? Because I don't know that that's not what Jesus is asking. Right? Like like, it could I I don't I don't know that those that I would have to that I feel like you have to separate those things. Next, I mean, John the Baptist is running around preaching a kingdom of repentance and baptism of repentance, and and and he was paving the way, and Jesus basically took the reins and said, yeah. Let's keep going. By the way, the kingdom's right here. It's right here. Yeah. Let's do this. And

So from the complaint line, it's a comparison between because in that same chapter we were talking about the centurion and, like, the way that the centurion views like like, he was set up to have no ties. Right? Like, on purpose because ties were a distraction. Right? Centurion could not have a wife. Yep. So, anyway, the complaint line says, maybe with the man that was that maybe the the dad that was maybe dead, maybe alive, was treating following Jesus as if Jesus was a centurion. In one of the previous stories, we talked about how the centurion couldn't have a wife, so he had no distractions, no ties. But Jesus doesn't ask for no ties. In fact, he sort of insists upon them because if you don't have ties, how can you share the good news? Jesus doesn't say no ties. Just put him before those ties. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. I I think that's right. I think that's right. And so and and and it's a good point too because I think often the starkness of what Jesus said is you do have to let him be a teacher. Like, even even pastorally, you say a very clear thing, and it's the thing that people remember. Are there are there nuances and caveats, and does it have to fit within a grander narrative? Yes. But do you remember the thing where if if pressed between, like, that that the kingdom does demand fealty,

and it does and prominence in your life? And so so, yes, I actually I think that's right. I think that's the right right thought. And so but but so I round it back, though. Do you Nathaniel, how did this hit you? Did you have a a reaction to thinking about, do I have a but first, god, I wanna do, I'm going to do, I have to do this? Yeah. It kinda circled back around to what we were talking about last week with the

spiritual disciplines. Yep. And just being disciplined in general where I said that, usually when I'm on a, a path of discipline that I'm disciplined in multiple areas at once.

And when I'm not, everything falls apart and I'm disciplined in nothing at all. But, usually, when I'm, being disciplined, it's it's in one area or a different one where I'm, you know, being disciplined. I don't know. Like, specifically. Like, I'm delving into into one specific area more than the others. Yeah. And so, like,

I I feel like it right now, there are certain things where I'm like, okay. I'm trying to, you know, accomplish this specific task. And then once I get that done, then I'll really, you know, delve into growing deeper or or or reading with more what's the right word? Like, intentionality? Yeah. Intentionality. Yeah. Yeah. Like, like, not just to read,

and take things in, as they hit me, but, like, if I don't understand something to study. Right. Right. Yeah. Ben and I were talking this about this on Sunday where, like, if something you know, in the recent past, if something if I come across something, I'm like, oh, you know, like, that doesn't make any sense to me. I guess I'll move on, which is such a doofus y way to read the bible. And yet I do it. I do it because I say to myself, someday, I'll have time when I'm not working on all these other things that I'm trying to be disciplined in Mhmm. Mhmm. Which is which is real dumb. Yeah. Yeah. But that's my butt first. Yeah. I think, actually, mine was as I think about it, mine is is similar

is if I think of some very basic and clear calls upon my life and and that interact with how I order my day or what I do first. This goes back, Mike, to the to what you were saying last week, which is around your your wife saying, like, why do you why do you allow your your work to dictate when you get up in the morning? Yeah. Right? Why do I allow my work to tell me when I'm going to stop reading whether I have time to read my bible in the morning, whether I have time to pray with my wife in the morning.

Now those are it's kind it's kinda like the it's kinda like the the honoring your parents. I have responsibilities with my job. It lacks integrity to not work when I'm supposed to be working. Those things are both true. But, like, I have basically allowed that at times or or on the front end, not gotten up early enough or whatever to say, okay. Let me take care of this stuff first, and then I will go do the stuff that god wants me to do. Now, like, I don't think you have to do do the big prayer early in the morning. I don't think you have to read the bible in the morning. Those are this it it interacts with thing. But, like, in general, if I don't get some of that stuff, if I don't do it kinda first thing, I'll lose it. I won't do it the rest of the day. I won't come back and do it. And, like, all the other good and awesome things that are in my my life, my relationship with my wife, from my relationship with kids, my responsibilities as a person, person in my community, pastor, whatever. Like, even even pastoral study

to the extent that it that it I do that and go, god, I'll get to the personal prayer time eventually, but, like, I'm you know I'm on the hook for this. But, like, I it's not quite what he's I I that doesn't feel like I'm putting the follow me first even though some of those things are part of following him. That's why I think this gets a little bit murky. But I but I do I do, at least, I have a gut feel that my my life is not ordered correctly and doesn't reflect

what I know to be relationally positive with god in the right priority. I will allow other things to overtake that. And so I'm saying, yes, god. I'll I'll pray, but but first, I'm gonna make oatmeal for the children or something. Yeah. I think maybe mine's probably along the same lane, but, like, the follow me part is what sticks out. Right? Like, I don't know that like, I'll say, but first, I'm gonna go do this. I want I want your opinion on it. Like, I want God to say,

yes. This is good or, yes, this is bad. But not so much like we're walking like, I'm behind him following what he's doing. We're just gonna walk parallel paths, and I'll look over at him every once in while and say, are are we still am I in the right direction? You know, opposed to, you know, look. I was considering doing this or you know what's going on in my life. I'm going to do this thing.

Is this do you want me involved in this? Right? Like, what do you have for me to do? Like, am I just following where you're going and asking you what I should be doing next or just flat out doing it and then just checking in every once in a while. And, like, that doesn't seem so bad, really, because, like, God gave us a mind to work. But, like, coming up on our feelings thing, right, like, you you can easy easily be deterred based on how you feel, what you think, like, information that you got that might not have been great. Like, all these things. And so, like like, mine's probably just for me personally, I just feel like I would like to spend more time, like, follow like, asking asking before I do a thing. Right? Like and I I think a lot of that is I I know that, like, we probably said it a thousand times. There's nothing holy about getting up in the morning, firing out some prayers. You know? But, like, it certainly ain't unholy, and what a great way to start your day. You know what I'm saying? Like, I I I'd really just think it's a it's but first, I have so many other time commitments. Like,

I'm gonna I'm gonna do all these things, and I'm not willing to cut any of them. And whatever's left of the day is what I can offer. You know? And so, like, that that seems way out of bounds way out of about of bounds, out of line, out of proportion. Right? Like, he just I just feel like the the first fruits go to him, and I I've just I've never been great at that. I've I've always he's always gets whatever time I get. I get leftover from all the other things. So, like, unfortunately, I think my but first thing is literally everything else. Alright? Alright.

I don't know. I'd say that my but first moment is that there's no way God is asking me, like, more than just the obedience stuff

until I'm a better person. Oh, but first, let me be a better person, and then I'll do your stuff. Figure this out because I've convinced myself there's no way god god picks me for his baseball team. K? Like, I'm it's it's it's PE, and I'm on the sideline. Like, there's no way god picks me. No way. And so I think to myself, okay. If god wants me to be doing stuff for him and calling out his name, it has to be, like, when I'm better. Like, because I couldn't possibly represent him in any way, shape, or form. Like, I can't not to say that I'm responsible for being his PR guy. I'm trying to do god a favor by going, you don't want me. Yeah. I'm a screw this up, Roy. Well, just like, god, I understand that you're perfect and, like, I'll never be good enough, but, like, you just trust me. You don't know. You don't want me on your team. Yeah. The grace is enough. I'll take the grace. Yeah. I'll take the I thought that was really generous. Yes. Thank you. Grace and mercy part. That was really awesome of you, and I I trust that there's no situation in which I am in a net negative with you because I will always be that because of who you are. It's not something I can earn. You are you are I it is impossible for me to earn what you're giving, And I I accept that. I accept that, and I appreciate that. But that doesn't mean that you should pick me for your team. I'm thankful I'm not getting kicked to the curb. Yeah. But I think that's that's what I believe is the best for me, is I'll accept god's grace and his forgiveness, but I could not possibly represent him out in the field. Yeah. I don't know if I should be like the salesman of this operation. Right. Yeah. And it's like it's I believe god can redeem everything. I just don't believe that I'm good enough for the redemption. I think that's legit. And so I think that's one of the biggest things that's been hitting me recently has been, like, I'll be obedient to you and try and figure this out to be to to accept your grace and to understand your glory and to to glorify you for who you are. But, like, in the quiet because I can't imagine a situation where you'd want me to be the one that's that's on your team. Yeah. I don't know why and this is this is a legit struggle, like, for a lot of people and I would put myself in the same boat. Like, you are so thankful to get back to the net neutral. Yeah. You know, that, like, I I've done so much and, like, I continue to fail. And god's, like, I don't even see you this way. And you're, I don't know how that's possible. I believe you've gotten me to the net neutral. Yes. Right? There's no way I'm saying that your grace don't exist, but like the fact where he goes, and I wanna bestow

the gift of prophecy on you, and you're like, no. I'm not in a gift receiving time of life. Right? Can cover my sin, and you can get me to a place where I'm not positive or negative. But there's no possible situation where you have the power to take someone like me and turn it into a positive. Yeah. It's yeah. Right. It's interesting because sometimes the the people's butt first is, like, I I won't I don't wanna accept your rescue because I'm not good enough. And, like, you would we would be very firm against that, like, that's the wrong way. Even logically, it's the wrong way to think about it. Right? But then the rescue the rescue exists and you accept it, And now the but first is, okay. But now let me clean myself up for your service. Which is which is crazy. Right? Because the promise was never just the rescue.

It's it's that is not theologically correct. The promise was always adopted as sons. The promise was always lifted up. Right? And the promise was always and and. And and he showed up more than anyone ever expected. In all situations where there was a covenant set, God showed up and and and even more. Every time that there's been a situation which I've prayed for something and God has answered it, it has always been more than I could have imagined. I was asking for too little because I thought that I only I mean, I just thank you. I don't deserve your grace and your mercy. You give it to me anyway. If I could just get, like, a buck 50, I'd appreciate that. And god shows up and he goes, no. You're gonna get this, and I'm gonna overflow what you've done because you you don't even ask the right things. And I'm a good father, and I'm gonna give you more than you can even imagine. Yeah. So, like, we panhandle for rescue, and then we panhandle in service Yeah. When the when the when the king is offering much more than that. And so yeah. Yeah. It's interesting. Some people's butt firsts are let me go live the life. I think you're gonna take something away from me. And so let me go to college. Right. Let me do the stuff that I'm gonna do, and then I'll come back and I'll settle the family thing, and I'll find a lovely lady. And then I will go back to church, and I'll do the things. Some people's butt firsts are, like,

because they wanna be a butt first. Right? So, like, there's that. And then but interestingly, in the Christian realm, oftentimes, we're not thank you. Thank you. Oftentimes, our hesitance is is a lack of feeling worthy for service, which is which is so interesting. Right? Because our service to God in his kingdom is largely a demonstration of him anyway. Yep. Right? And so it's a willingness problem.

It's a in our fallibility, I I trust that God will use this for good. And so just so you didn't have to polish yourself up for the redemption, you don't have to polish polish yourself up for the work of the kingdom. God will God will sanctify as he goes, totally. But, like,

so, yeah, I that's interesting. It's it's it's interesting because that's generally not the tenor of it, but the but first is is help me help make myself in a in the best situation to serve you in a way that I believe to be best. You know how much of a robbing that is too? Right? Because, like, it's hard to get I wouldn't say that you're excited for the redemption. Right? Like, I'm wowed by it. I'm I'm overwhelmed by the fact that that exists. Right? But I'm never, like, super excited for the redemption I've been given. What I'm super excited about is the stuff that God's going to do or that I get to see that God gets to do. And, like, we really downplay that. You know, like, you're like look. When we talked about the holy spirit being, like, this crazy friend that picks you up in Friday night in a car that don't belong to him and going to an unknown location with a with no plan that's he's half telling you what's gonna happen, but not the whole story. And so you're like, I am so riveted and excited by whatever this journey is gonna look like because this is gonna be so awesome. And we don't ever,

like, buy into it because we're so caught up on the grace and the redemption and how bad we are and how much damage we probably have caused and how great God is forgiving it. Or he's like, yes. And and but we have more. You know, let's let's do that. And, like, we end up, like, doing nothing. Right? Like, you look at the eighty twenty in the church most of the time. The 80 is either lazy or, like, they just got no room bandwidth to be excited for what the holy spirit and God is is saying, look. I I invited you to weigh more than this. Right? Will you just spend some time with me so we could talk it over and we can figure it out? And, like, you can go and, like, cause some holy trouble and see some action. And, like, we just it feels like we're just either in in comfortability land

or or say, like, I I got the grace. That's has to be enough. The grace has to be enough because anything more than that, I certainly don't deserve. I didn't deserve the grace. Right. Yeah. Alright. Hey. Hey. Maybe you got something. Does Dan have one? Dan, did you have one? Man, I was sitting here trying to think. You know? And

I'm almost the the flip side of of the coin. My I'm the I'm my own worst enemy, and then I just do everything. I just I just like my little last puppy hopping around, following every voice. You know? And and so, I mean, there's no to to the point I'm a detriment to myself, I sleep, like, four hours a day, and I you know, it was like, because I just I have so much I wanna do. There's so much so much to do. You know? And I could probably be way more efficient if I would just shut up, you know, and sit down and listen. You know? You know? Mhmm. Get some honest direction and and and oh. I just wanna do everything. Right. So the picture of, hey. Follow me. Some people are saying, yeah. But let me do this first. Dan's the guy, like, running ahead where Jesus is like, wait. Damn. Damn. We weren't even taking a left there. Going there. Yeah. It's just hang tight, brother. I've got people over there, Dan. I don't need you there. Which honestly, like, it like, it's it's refreshing. Right? Because that could be just as much of a wheel spinner

as doing nothing. Right? Like, you could literally expend every energy you had, and God's like, if you had just taken the right like, I wanted I tried to tell you about taking the right, and you were so busy balling out there doing lefts that, like, I'll send somebody else. But seriously, Dan, turn listen to me. You know? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Although, it's just it's just interesting because, like, culturally, there are far less precocious balls of gospel fire compared to people sitting on the sidelines going, well, I'm gonna do this first door. Like, I'm probably not gonna do anything at all. Can we get that on a t shirt? Precocious ball of gospel fire? I think it's so. Yeah. Yeah. You can do the tattoo, Dan. I won't trade more. I I would love to be Come back, Dan. The the apostle Paul guy, you know, who who goes from town to town and just doesn't have a home and just keeps going. Yeah. But he's so much smarter than me. Sees because I didn't take the time to, like, you know, become a Pharisee first or whatever. You know, whatever. I mean Right. That's pretty smart guy. Dan. What's that? I said that's pretty messed up, Dan. Well, I mean, you know spent the first forty years becoming a Pharisee. I mean, I study, but I I'm not that guy. You know? I'm I'm not I'm just not wired that way. And then I frustrate myself, and then I'm I so then I just get more active and more you know, I just I'll I'll comp overcompensate

by, like, well, if I join 17 groups Right. That'll make up for the fact that I can't, you know, do whatever. Yeah. And and yeah. So I don't know. I'm it's it's it's just the other side of the coin. Yeah. Dan's the other way. Frustrating and It's extremely funny to me because, like like, when we like, we'll do twenty four seven prayer rooms. Right? And you'll go in there and you'll pray for an hour and you're like, this is so refreshing. Right? And then you'll be like, I gotta get another hour. And then and then, like, you spend quality time in there and you're like, man, this is so great. As you sit there and look at this opportunity that exists every day of your life. Yeah. Right? As you go, dang. If someone would just corporately put on a twenty four seven prayer room, I could pray like this. You know? And, like, it's it's so weird because you're like, I feel like I feel like I'm I'm in tune with what God is doing. I feel the of the presence of God in my life. I'm asking him questions. I'm waiting for answers. I'm reading my Bible. I'm worshiping. And then as soon as the prayer room concludes, you're, like, well, back to the grind, you know? And, like, as if it's not a possibility in your day to day life. An hour probably is aggressive,

but, like, tell me you got more than ten minutes in it in the regular day. Right? Like, ten minutes in, you're like, okay, god. You know I got responsibilities here. We talked a bit. You'll hit me up if if everything's cool. I'll see you later. Bam. I'm out. You know? And, like, what a that's just a a solid miss as I talk to the group and talk to myself. Like, it's just a what doesn't even make any sense? Based upon how much YouTube we take in collectively from last week's conversation, the hey. So I get real antsy about seven and a half minutes of praying like, oh, boy. I feel like I gotta get moving on to whatever other things. YouTube awaits. Yes. And we and we and we talk and talk and write like, look. We don't wanna be all religious about this, about saying you gotta do this and this. Well, why don't we air on that side for a little while? Why don't we just try it out? Why don't we be super religious about it? Be like, look, man. You need to be in there for forty five minutes every day. Let's see what kind of fruit comes out of that tree Yeah. Instead of being so afraid that we might accidentally look like a religious jerk from fifty years ago. You know what I'm saying? Like, we maybe we should just land on the side of, you know what? Maybe they had an idea. That's a good point. Like, for some like, because some guy measured a pant link on a pant length on a 40 year old woman forty years ago and caused a real hustle about it. Yeah. We're trying not to be too dictatorial on, hey. You should probably pray for a bit today, friend. Yeah. Okay. And here's the thing. It's like, I know it's hard to find. Right? Like, you think it's hard to find, but you'd be amazed at the at the things you could cut out of your day that don't even need to be there. They're not life giving. They're not peace altering. They're just there. And, like, you're like, but this is behavior that

I feel like a Christian should have. Yeah. But maybe God said, that's not the behavior I want you to have. Right? Like, I cut it. Cut it out. You're done in the in the Kiwanis. You're out. You're done. It takes up too much of your time. You need to start praying. Stop Kiwanis. You're like, but I meet people. I spread the gospel there. Jesus goes, I know. Stop it. I need you talking to me and sending me sending you to places where I have for you. And, like, I I'm I I never do this, and I find it, like, so logically ridiculous that I don't know how I continue to do it. Yeah. I I went to Kentucky last week to Without asking god, continue. Well, I was for a board meeting for Hippo Valley Christian business, the orphanage I work with. And I and wrote out a schedule, you know, the last second. The guy goes, hey. You should write out what you're doing. You know? Okay. Whatever. And I and I made this list, and it's just like, holy crap. I mean, like, I'm going I I've I'm traveling all over the place for him. I'm going to California here this fall and Nashville.

I'm going to Minnesota. I've been several places. You know, I'm just and it's like like, well, I'm also, like, have a church here. You know? So I'm doing that. And, like, depending on what page I'm on, it's like, I can pour myself a 150% into into it, but you can't do it all. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. Like, I'm I can I don't sleep? I'm just like, we needed a truck. So we've raised a $100. It's like, how the heck? I'm not that guy. But but, you know, but still, at some point, I can't do everything. I I don't if I'm making sense to Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My brain just the wheels are just firing, you know, and I and I'm like, I could probably be more productive Yeah. If I if I, like, trimmed something here and something there. And and and and I usually wait till I implode, and then I shut down for a month. And I'm like, okay. Then I build back up again. And Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I and these and those are a lot of times, those are key opportunities.

Like like, it can't be that when Dan's sick for ten days, all the balls fall out of the air. Right? Yeah. So, like, creating other people to throw balls in the air. Right. Right. Right. Because, like, they're all they're all awesome balls. They're all right things to have going on. They just can't all be on Dan. Fortunately, I have a team of people that can preach. I got all these people covering here. Yep. You know? But I'm gone. And, yeah. Yeah. I mean, mean, I built depth in the team, the Zimbabwe team this year, like, there's different people doing different things. Yep. And it's like but yeah. As I said, I still and then it hits me that last week, like, crap. I didn't really need to go back to spending a day a week with my grandson because what's your greatest ministry, but your your family. Mhmm. Mhmm. So I scheduled that out for the next month, and I was, okay. Here's my day. You know? Like

yeah. So if I come in, my head's blown up some days. It'll be that. And and I did it. You know? And Yeah. But it's like just righteous, a self righteous, you know, or something. I don't know. That is that is tough. Right? Because, like, I mean, you look down the line, you're like, these are good. These are good. These are good. Yeah. Yeah. I think what we're talking about, just to keep it in a mind of of accurate. Right? Like, it's a skill, not a talent. Right? You're not born nailing this. Yeah. Right? Like, you're gonna it's a it's a it's a discipline to get yourself in it. And, like, I I I've seen it bear fruit, like, fruit in people's lives, right, where they where they just start spending time with God. And, like, you can't do too much of it. You can certainly do too little. Right? But you can't do too much. And I think that, once again, I think we always air on the side of, like, is God gonna be mad if I didn't read my Bible today? Well, no. It's ridiculous. But, like, you also missed out

on hanging out with the god of the universe for x amount of time today. And so, like, you should be slightly bummed, and you're not gonna be because it's a skill, not a talent. At the first couple swaths, you're not used to it. You're not used to God talking to you. You're not used to having any type of spiritual conversation with God through prayer or or bible reading or whatever. And so, like, yeah, it's gonna not hit you right off the bat, but, like, it's it's a conversation that he wants to have. And, like, I we just continually dance around it or set up classes or set up acts of service. And, like, I just feel like that's the main thing. Like, if everybody was doing that individually, like, preaching would totally be way more beneficial to everybody. Right? Like, you get to walk in and go, I've been talking to god all week. I wonder

what Dan what what God's been talking to Dan about. Mhmm. And, like, go, wow. It was funny because I was just reading blah blah blah on Tuesday. Like, that's not what happens. Like, everybody shows up. You have to regurgitate whatever you talked about last week. No one brought any thoughts to the table today. You know, they're just like, how's the family doing? How have you been busy? Your car broke down. Great. Let's get through first Peter, and let's take communion and go. Right? But, like, can you imagine what, like, a body of believers where everybody was talking to God at the same time? What that freaking looks like? Like, what that community gets done? Yeah. The last time folks did that as far as the biblical record shows, the holy spirit showed up with fire and tore the place up. Right? Like and these are things that God said, look. I'm not done doing these. Right? This is the type of thing that I wanna do in you. And, like, it doesn't have to be like this weird hippie commune that you have in your head. It just has to be regular living, spending time with Jesus, and going, hey. I'm trying to follow you. What's that look like for me today? Yeah. Yep. Alright. You're listening to Life The Path. If you got anything to share on the Life From The Path, formerly RC Cola, now currently still Bob Eisenhower complaint line, it's 51551700855155170085. We'd love to hear hear your thoughts on but first Yeah. See what you have. So we were talking just before, let's see, at the start of the show here about

this born again experience. Can you be born again without feeling it? First of all, when we say born again, boo boo, what do we mean? Born again as in born from your baptism, dying to the world and being born again for yourself. Yeah. Or for Christ. Excuse me. Yeah. Yeah. It's Christian term. Yeah. It's it's what Jesus says this to old Nicodemus.

And, yeah, it's like your your life begins again this time in the kingdom of god and to never to never die. And so the the article kicks off evangelicalism has always emphasized the necessity of personal conversion through a born again experience in which the holy spirit supernaturally changes a person's heart. From the eighteenth century to the present, many evangelical churches have required testimony of conversion as a prerequisite

for church membership. And most of the time, this involves a personal experience of divine transformation. But what happens if someone doesn't have this kind of transformative experience? What if a person believes not because of any perceived religious encounter, but simply because of a reasoned conviction about the truth of God's declaration? Are such individuals really saved? And if so, can they still consider themselves Christians?

So let's let's start there. Would you describe your what you look at and say is my kind of conversion experience, did it it have some sort of significant emotional event related to it? No. No. Mine did not. No. Yes. Booba's dead. Dan, you're no? I'd say no. Okay. Nathaniel? No. Okay. Alright. Booba's yours.

I was not expected to be the odd one out of this one, to be honest. You're a Christian cuddle bug. What happened? I'm a Christian cuddle bug. I was sleeping with my girlfriend Mhmm. And we were living in the basement of my brother's house. And I had not been to church for a bit because I was very angry at him about the loss of my parents. And that morning, I woke up for no reason early on a Sunday morning,

which which did not happen very often. I'm a I'm a creature of sleeping most of the morning through. Yep. Felt this call from God saying that I needed to talk to him, and it was time for us to meet. And that he wasn't coming to my house. I had to come to his. How did you no. Would you say that? How did I know. How did you know? I know. It was just a just a sense? It's just like it it I

it is one of the most sure things I know Mhmm. Is that a lot of times when it comes to the stories that I've told and the things that I've I've pushed, I tend to sensationalize in some What? What? I

mean, I cannot talk if you guys want me talk to you. I tend to I tend to sensationalize only because growing up, like, was just it was hard for me to feel like I was seen, and so I would turn to very, like, ridiculous storytelling, and that was my way of feeling like I had a presence. And so

that has stemmed from a lot of stuff for me, but one of the only things that I know for certain that I did not hyperbolize, that I did not sensationalize, that I did not change for was the fact that I knew god called me to his house that morning. And I showed up to the church, and I sat in the back, and I was preached to about Esther, and I can't remember any other part of that, but I was balling my eyes out in the back of the church auditorium

feeling like I was running from him and it was time for me to come home. And I went up, I think, to you guys, actually. I think you guys are the first ones I told and told you that, hey, I think it's time for me to get baptized. I I think god's telling me it's time, and I think I'm finally broken to the point that, like, there's no way I can do this anymore without him. Mhmm. I I'll die. I'll be dead in a year, guaranteed.

And I don't wanna follow down that path, and I want to mean something to somebody, and I wanna actually accept the grace that I know God was giving me in the moments that I didn't feel like I deserved it the most. Yep. And so I got dunked, and I remember the water pouring out all over the place and getting a hug from a guy named Joe. And then I drove home sopping wet and went downstairs to my girlfriend that was sleeping in bed at the time, and I said,

good morning. And she asked me why I was wet, and if I drove into a river or something, I said, no. I think I gave my life to Jesus just now. And she goes, okay. And I went, I don't think we can be dating anymore and sleeping together in the same bed. And she goes, okay. I said, unless you wanna give your life to Jesus, I think we have to break up. And she goes, I don't wanna do that. And I was like, I had a feeling you're gonna say no to that. Yeah. But I need you to realize that, yeah, we're done. I can't I can't stay with you anymore. I I gotta make some changes. And I broke up with her, and I drove her home. And That had to been an awkward drive home. Yeah. She told me that she was only dating me because I scared her stepfather, and

he had stopped beating her since I dated her. But she thought I was ugly and fat and gross. Sorry. It's just the way you said that. Mike, what part of me saying that? No. No. A girl broke my heart. No. I know. I'm sorry. I said I'm trying to apologize. By by hitting me I can't help it. Most of all places I could've possibly And she said I'm ugly, fat, and gross. Like, it's just so matter of fact. Yeah. No. It's totally funny story. Funny end of that story. I'm sorry. No. You're good. I told it that way for a reason. Yeah. So that was that was the day that I gave life to Jesus. I mean, that's thankful it came out. Right? What? Wouldn't you wanna know that that's what well, that's the relationship that you're in? Very much rather not. I feel like you'd rather know. The relationship was ending. I was not gonna go back to it. I did not need to know that she thought I was gross. Oh. The entire time we were together. No. But you didn't know the relationship. She presumably, she thought that the day before and hadn't brought it up. And so this this is a catalyst for goodness. Yeah. I mean, agreed. But I've been broken up with times, and they didn't call me gross, fat, and ugly. Yeah. I bet I kinda just ended where they were like, don't think this is working out. I hear what you're saying. Yeah. I mean, I was the the constant was me being gross, fat, and ugly, and all those relationships too. So, like, you know But but I but I think it's fascinating about the story, although the, you know, gross fat nugget is is At Thanksgiving. Quite fascinating,

is is the the backstory of what God did to make that happen. Oh, yeah. I mean, all the the quite the coincidences, like, was a portable baptistry that was brought to the school, like, twice. Yep. I mean, it just happened to be that day and that a baptistery happened to be there. Yep. Yep. And all of the things that led up to that becoming a portable baptistery that we had.

And we didn't plan that out. I mean, no. No. Hadn't spoken in months. I think. Like like, obviously, which confirms to me that God was obviously speaking to you just because he was he was doing stuff. Yep. And and and yeah. So that's kinda cool to is be in the front row of so many stories where where where where God's just moving to the backgrounds of people's lives is just so fascinating, and and I don't know how people get burned out in ministry because it's just, like, it's just a fascinating life. That's why that goes go back to what I was saying earlier. You know? It's like, I mean, I could do it all day. I wish I just didn't have time to to sleep because I could just love I love every second of it. It it it's so cool to see God working. And as crazy as the world is, he is working in people's lives still today and now. And it wasn't my work that I was doing, and it wasn't he he wasn't matching up with the things that I was thinking. It was I just got ripped Yeah. From from what I was doing. I was I was on my way to being dead soon Yeah. And I was perfectly fine with that. So that's so that's that's a cool story. Right? But it doesn't sound like anybody else in the room

had a similar, like, emotional flashpoint moment I had a moment. Of okay. Tell me about it. I mean, like, you know, I was in fourth grade. I was a young guy Yeah. And had a stealing club with steel all the time, and and I was at my Sunday school teacher's grocery store stealing a a ice cream bar or sandwich. Mhmm. Ice cream sandwich. I had it stuffed up in my arm, and and and she

acknowledged me as I was walking. Oh, hi, Danny. I said, hey, missus Huberger. And and I walked out the door, thought, crap. And, like, everything changed. Like, I I paused on the on the window outside the door, and and it was just like, god. I and I never saw whole thing again. You know? I was just like, I get my life Did you eat the ice cream bar? Of course. Hold up. Hold up real quick. Sanctification begins tomorrow. I said gross, fat, and ugly, and we get chuckle bus over here. But you say something like, I had a stealing club. This is not the first time this has come up quite Yeah. I'm talking about them. Right? We had to go to stores every day and steal stuff, and that's how we got Christmas presents. How many people were in the club though, Dan? Two. Nobody else was bold enough. Never got caught. I I could have been a great thief. Oh,

jeez, Dan. But it was a definite god moment. It was a it was a depiction from god saying, no. We're we're done with this. It was like calling you out from sin and saying that you Absolutely. It was like here's a Sunday school teacher that for the last three years have been telling me how much I love you, and you you've been pushing it off. And it's like, no. I real I love you Mhmm. And I demand obedience. I'm like, crap. Mhmm. And and and so that so that was a moment for sure. Okay. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Okay. So so then the question though is is that if you if you come to an acknowledgment of Jesus as king, god as creator, and you in need of rescue and and Jesus is the only one who can do that through reason,

You just that's these are the facts. You took in the facts and said, yep. That sounds that sounds I believe this. Mhmm. Should you have any any concern that you didn't have an emotional moment related to that? No. I mean, the the the the master invites us to follow him, and we say, okay. Mhmm. Whether it was with emotion and gusto or, okay, it's still following. Yeah. Mean b fishers of men wasn't met with sobbing and, oh, lord, we've changed our entire life and we've changed our alright. I don't know. And maybe maybe this is not right, but I'm I was just thinking about it. But, like, the the presence of god does feel away. So, like, I maybe it doesn't have to be tied to, like, your salvation story.

But, like, if you've been legit following Jesus for twenty years and you don't can't think of any time that you've interacted with the holy God and it's felt away, I would find that slightly suspicious. Like, I don't have I I would say that, like, my my salvation story, like, calling me is not was not in a big dramatic fashion, but I can look back over the last fifteen years of my life and say, oh, we've had some moments though. Right? Like, we've had some times Yeah. When he's really grabbed ahold of me and said, that needs to stop. I want you to pay attention to me here. I know that you're not feeling peace, and it's because you're you're nowhere close to me. You need to make some changes and and and put this back as a priority. And, like, I don't know that my salvation ever was that way. Like, I didn't decide to get baptized because

I had had, like, an moment. Like, I got baptized because I I'd always just never questioned that this was a problem. Right? That the god existed and and I needed to to my salvation had to be paid for and, like, I where else would I go? Right? It was just that straightforward for me most of the time. Now my life didn't reflect that, and so he refined through moments for sure. Mhmm. You know? And so, like, I you know? I mean, if you don't have any refinement moments, I would say that's that's probably weird, ain't it? Yeah. Yeah. I expect God to be working actively in your life and there to be situations

certainly that you see like, that feel like there is that you can point back to. Mhmm. But I don't know. Like, I think I think where people get tied up and, frankly, there's a risk heading the other way with this too is that people feel something, and they go, oh oh, well, God has moved in me.

Yeah. That's Hillsong's entire ministry. Right. That's right. That's what that's why we do the fogs and fog machine lights. Right? Like, we get you to feel a certain way about something, but, like, people don't tend to fog machine lights and then repent at the same time and acknowledge Jesus. They just like the way Jesus what it sounds like Jesus probably looks at them. You find a cute guy cute because he said you were cute. This is our relationship with the savior in some of these situations. And so, like, this is where we go back to the question of, like, can your feelings be trusted? And I think the answer is they're always feelings are real. They're real things. Right? So it's it's but the question is is that, like, what are they saying to you? Like, they like, feelings can be telling you a true thing. They can also be lying. And so it's an evaluation process. It's like just

the the right way to think of it, if you were to extend it out, is just because you feel something doesn't mean that the situation that they're feeling is reacting to is true or accurate. Yeah. I'm sure there were times my daughters growing up maybe felt like I didn't love them very well. If they were some discipline or or a stern moment. Yes. But that would have been inaccurate. Yes. Right. And marriages are rife for this. Right? Like, we're, like, your closest relationship on this earth and, like, just on a day, you can feel like, that person doesn't even like me. Mhmm. And I don't even know if I like that person. Mhmm. You know what I'm saying? Like and that was a and that's just a feeling that you know is not accurate.

Right. My poor wife is tormented all the time. She thinks everyone hates her. And, know, you always have to be like, why do you think that? Why that's why what has brought you to the conclusion? Know it. You know, it's like, I'm pretty sure they don't. Yes. Right. So, yeah, you can't you can't you can't trust that. Right. And it doesn't but to Mike, I think to your early question, it doesn't mean that your feelings can't be true. You can you can't but you you basically have to have they need a second level. They need an evaluation of, like, just because I feel this way, is it accurate? Just because and you can be expressed in the positive. Oh, I think I think I love this boy. Right? And then you're thinking about, like, I don't maybe I don't actually love him, but he does give me the tingle. He's okay. Well, there's put it into the box. Like, that's like, the feeling is real. Or I think I I think I I think I love this person, but, really, you just hated so much a different situation you what you're in, and this feels a little bit safer. It's not the same thing as love. You have you do have to evaluate feelings. So feel so just to reiterate,

feelings are real. So, like, don't ever dismiss that they're not real. The question is, are they are they reflecting the situation honestly, or are they just one of the inputs into the situation? And they do need to be evaluated. That's what I mean. The importance of a solid discipline of bible study.

I I I often have to correct myself with my emotions with god. Yeah. Oh, god's mad. He's like, no. No. Alright. This scripture says otherwise. Right. You know, or whatever. You know? So, yeah, you have to evaluate it with the correct tool. Yes. Yes. That's right. So I think so so to to to roll it up, I I don't it's you should not feel like because you didn't have some sort of conversion experience. I and I that even sets it up wrong. It's a very Baptist question. Yeah. Right? That to even think that, like, there's a moment and then there's there's there's a moment when you're not, there's a moment when you are. I think that stuff's bigger than you. I don't I wouldn't hyper focus on a moment. Now it doesn't mean to to boob a story that God can't use moments. Totally can. Often does because sometimes we need flash points to force us to places at which we get comfortable and don't make decisions.

Well and I think it it to to comment on your your statement of, like, vetting through the emotions and and the feelings, I think that's incredibly important. Because as I look back, the those feelings that I had, the elation that I had, the stuff like that, it was a reaction to realization, something logical that had happened. And what what that was for me was the first moment in which I felt like I deserved to stay. Like, that was the first time it made sense to me that the world was not going to be bettered when I was gone. And I didn't have this concept of permanence because, like, everything was falling apart.

And so I thought, okay, it just makes logical sense for me to be the next bit of this that falls apart. Yep. Like, right, like, I'm the next one in line for for this this this lack of permanence and this going away. And it was the first time that I'd ever truthfully felt like maybe that's not the actual deal, and maybe the the situation isn't that things will be better once I'm gone, and I deserve to to be here and and it it, like, I I'm not I'm not I'm not taking away just by breathing. And

God telling me that, reassuring me that in that moment of this this concept of, like, I want you in my house. I'm dividing you to my kingdom. I want you to exist forever with me Yes. Was the first time I felt like that was real. Mhmm. Because when God reveals a truth that you've had buried, that feels away. Right? Huge. Like, when he shows up with the exact thing that he knows that you're thinking or that knows what you're dealing with and goes, yeah, I hear every bit of this, right, you instantly go, okay, I'm a 100% known and god says, I see past every every inch of that. Right. That feels away. Right? Like, that has a feeling associated with it. And so, like, I'm just I'm thinking over in my head because I'm very cavalier about feelings because most feelings get people in a lot of trouble, especially in youth group type

teaching settings. Right? I'm just like, hey, man. You can't be just guided around by what you feel all the time, but, like, I don't know I don't know that I actually believe that. Right? Like, I've had good and righteous feelings. I've had feelings of peace. I've had feelings of being enveloped by a holy god. Right? Like, I have feelings that, like, when I have a there's a feeling associated with, like, is god actually listening to me opposed to just praying to nothing. Yeah. I mean, they're not mutually exclusive. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Yeah. I just it's just they don't I I yeah. I just reiterate it. Like, they they have to be evaluated. Right. Like, we have to say, is this is this a trustworthy feeling? Because, like, I I it's not wrong. People do often make terrible mistakes based upon a feeling that often

when when evaluated in the next morning's light was not did not accurately reflect the situation. Right. It's part okay. Think Think about it this way. Your feelings are part of the conversation. Yeah. You should listen to them. You should you should say, oh, that's interesting. But it is not the only thing talking. Yeah. They get a seat at the table. Well, when they get out of line, you say, look, you're you're being ridiculous. You have to vet through where they're coming from. Here's the deal. Not to get too bad. You know what feels great? Going to a strip club. It's awesome. It's cool. Like, you're like, oh, this is happening? Like, this is real? And you know what feels terrible? Being there. And you go, oh, this is kinda gross. Mhmm. And the next morning, you're like, oh, man. I hate myself. I absolutely hate myself for this. Were those all feelings? Yes.

Did I take them incorrectly? No. Because I had to vet through where is this happiness coming from. Those are those are feelings that I can have of happiness, and my heart feels full, and I feel like I'm contributing. But if I vet through, did I get this little pop of happiness from the jelly doughnut? Yeah. I did. Did I get this happiness from from loving my wife? Yes. I did. They're both feelings, but that doesn't mean they can be trusted. But vetting them through and going, what's the source of this? What's leading to this peace? Is this honoring to God? Is this good for me? Am I tending my soul, or am I breaking it apart with sin? Like, all of those things have to be looked through in the correct lens to go, feelings can't be trusted on their own if they're not vetted out and looked through because you could feel great about anything, and you could feel crap about anything. Yeah. Yeah. Actually, in an unexamined, I don't wanna this this feels hyper technical. It's it it's not. Don't don't think of it that way. It's just it's it's just a quick evaluation process. But, like, how often think of your key relationships where, like, we make bad decisions in key relationships based upon, like, a feeling. Like, oh, I feel like they're mad at me, or I'm mad at this person. But, really, if you'd have given it two seconds worth of thought, is it possible what you said I'm mad at them, I'm having a rough go of it, and they were just the last person I interacted with. Right? There's it's just it's it doesn't mean you gotta write all the things down all the time and be hypertechnical about it, but you do have to ask yourself,

where is this coming from? Is this accurate? Who I'm directing it at and what I'm feeling, is it accurate? Because, like, the emotions can also get jumbled up. Like, anger and sadness look a lot alike. Yeah. Right? Depression can express itself in either one of those things as a defensive is trying to keep people away from getting any further. Right? And then you then you misunderstand your emotions. And so, frankly, this is why we end up talking to people for this kind of thing. Some like, people whose job it is to listen to you and go, hey. You you're playing racquetball, and you got 10 balls on the court, and you think you only have one. And helping someone recognize that you're you're playing like, you're whacking a bunch of balls around and not making the right distinction,

it's very helpful to start seeing the world that way. And you also do the same thing with your thoughts. Right? A thought comes in and you go, that's no good. You know? Like, you do this all the time. And so, like, there's no reason to say that that that like, it sounds odd to say because funny enough, like, I was just reading an article today and some lady said that forgiveness is a religious construct, and it's it's only born out of religion to keep people under control. And that's where That's how I think of forgiveness as well. Yeah. Right. And so, like like, on its face, this is completely ridiculous. Right? Right? But, like, the thought is is that people are not,

especially in today's culture, open to evaluating their feelings and vetting them. Yeah. Right. Right. Right. And seeing if they're seeing that they're legit. Like, the fact that forgiveness is a construct to keep other people down, couldn't be any further from the truth. Like, harboring anger or resentment towards somebody, you're the one carrying the weight. Right? You're the one that has to carry around the anger and resentment, and, like, it weighs on you, not on the other person. That's right. And so, like, but but the thought that says, hey. You need to you need to vet and see if that anger or resentment is even correct.

The the modern thought goes, well, of course it is because I had it. Oh oh, I get it. The thing that chains people down is the need for forgiveness. Yes. Not forgiveness in and of itself. It's that that you would even consider that you would have to be forgiven. Yes. Or you have to give forgiveness to somebody else. The fact that I would have to forgive somebody for the wrong that they did to me, there's no reason for that. Oh, oh. Right? I'm only doing that because religion has taught me that I need to, not because it's for my betterment or for my overall peace. Which is ridiculous. That's ridiculous. Right. Peace is found in the fact that I thought of it Yep. And that I came up with it. And so, like, the best it's it's the thought that says the the like, the the best version of me is the one that gets to fire out all my not even flaws because they don't exist. I don't have any flaws. I just get to be me, and I am flawless as my true self. Right? And, like, you don't have to be but three years old to know that that is a load of crap. Right. Right? Like, you've met yourself. Even in your own best interest, you're an idiot. You know, even when you're out there just gearing the boat for your own selfish ways, you will still screw yourself Yeah. By doing something stupid. Listen to this. Pastors, worship leaders, youth workers in the room are still going, I can't seem to prioritize the stuff that I want, that I desperately want, that I know I want, that I need, and still I either can't can't keep it under control or I can't seem to do it in the way that I want with any consistency. Yes. Yeah. And and, like, we obviously want it.

Yeah. Yes. It's why people will continue to do things that bring them shame and then go, yes. This is fine. I feel good about this. When that like, that's a flat lie. You feel terrible about this. You're trying to mask it by saying you feel great about this. Yeah. Right? And so, like, if people would it it's it's just such a a ridiculous thought, which is why feelings are tough a tough conversation at the moment is because, like, the thought is is, like, because you had a feeling, it can be trusted. And, like, you don't treat your thoughts that way. You and and your feelings don't get that same like, they don't get a captain's seat at the table. They're just a participant in your overall actions. You know, it it's interesting is through through the therapy that I've done and through the the conversations that I've had with with people that I trust when it comes to this kind of stuff to kinda to right size a lot of the the things that I think about at all times. Right? Like,

being trauma informed, which I've used that that statement a couple times now, and I'm I really have latched on to it a lot. Like, I look at my situation that I've gone through and look at the junk that I went through as a kid and blah blah blah whatever. Right? We all know it. And in those moments, in that it with that process where where it feels like everything's always on fire, like, just because, like, I struggle to have even the base foundation of, like, I I I deserve to be breathing right now. A lot of people don't deal with that kind of thought. Some people that are trauma people

do. For me, it it turns into, well, everything's on fire at all times because if somebody doesn't text me back in a reasonable amount of time, I've obviously they hate me. They absolutely hate me, and there's no reason why would they want me around anyway? I should just delete their number, and I should walk away from them. Like, it's ridiculous situations. I say all that to say that, like, some of the most important things that I've learned are are the vetting process of this stuff because nothing's on fire.

Nothing is on fire. I can always press the brakes. Like, there's no situation in which I, in my in my right mind, when trauma responses are happening and when everything's on fire, the most valid important things for me are to go back to the very base of understanding of who I am, which is what god calls me and my identity. Those are my those are my my my stop phrases, which are here's the deal. Did I screw something up? Possibly. Does God hate me? No. Am I still his son? Absolutely. Can he forgive me for any of this? 100%. Am I inherently the worst person on the planet because of this situation? Probably not.

And did I lose all of my worth in the eyes of everyone on this planet, including the creator of the universe? No. Well, if I can look through the lens of my feelings and say, all of that has to be true while I'm feeling this emotion. So where is it coming from? Where is it stemming from? Is it because I'm in a fearful situation because of the things that I've lost? Am I in a fearful situation right now where I'm acting out of anger or hatred or self deprecation and loathing and destruction because I want to take control of this moment to go, well, if everything's gonna go down in flames, I might as well be the one who lights the fire. So let's just freaking bulldoze through it. And that breaking system where I go, no.

None of that is true. So if I have to look at that and go, all of those things have to stay held that god still loves me. I'm still worthy of certain things that he calls me to be worthy from. Great. What's going on with my brain right now? Why am I feeling this way? Why am I feeling so depressed? Why am I feeling so worried? Where's my anxiety coming from? Why am I angry? Is my wife actually trying to leave me right now, or did she just tell me that I did something the other day that made her upset? Logically, I probably did something the other day that made her upset, and she's not actually gonna leave me. And so that vetting process that we keep saying in that that concept of feelings have a seat at the table, but they're never the only voice. And they're most likely not the voice that you wanna trust on its own. It's gotta go through a filter that goes, what's the logical thing happening here? What's what's the real thing happening here? And and what's the truth of the matter? What does god tell me is true? And this is true for both, like, you individually and it's like if you have,

like, the opportunity to counsel people in any way, not in, a professional setting, but, right, like, if you're trying to sort through, people will always tell you this wild tale where the other person has acted in this completely ridiculous manner. And and, like, your first thought this is where this is where spending time, like, conversating with God. Like, if you try to bring your own crap into this counseling or into understanding other people's problems, you're gonna filter it through your own business. Right? But, like, you hand this stuff over to Jesus, you ask him for his eyes throughout the day, and, like, you spend time vetting this thing out, getting your mess out of the way. Then when someone tells you this ridiculous story, you can go, I can tell you right now, their actions don't make any logical sense. Because there is logical sense to the way that people act. And what they did completely acted completely out of left field. Right. So I'm gonna tell you something. They have way more going on. This ain't between you and them. This between them and whatever they're dealing with. Or, like, yeah, there's two options. Right? Like, either there's something else going on that's causing them to behave funny or there's something else that you're feeling right now that's causing you to represent it incorrectly. Yes. And so, like, you so you can't you can't have peace on your own unless you're willing to start vetting these some of these things out, and you can't help anybody unless you're willing to start vetting some of these things out. Yeah. And so, like, the pull is I know. Like, it's the empath part where you're like, hey, man. I just wanna I wanna I wanna meet them where they're at. Right? And, like, we say that phrase a lot, and you can definitely do that, but but they're gonna wanna stay there. And you know they can't stay there. And don't even walk into it thinking that you wanna help them stay there. You're not gonna help them stay there. That's the that's the whole thing. If I have to sum up our culture right now, it is I'm in the mess. I'm gonna call the mess something. I'm gonna glorify it, and then I'm gonna stay here. As long as I can explain it, it's where I need to be because they feel the same way about their feelings. As long as I feel it, it's the most genuine version of me. Yeah. Even even, like, as Jesus talks about when you're gonna mourn with someone, that mourning is a is a temporary thing.

Right? Like, you you join them in the thing that they're in, and then there's a resolution to it or at least a moving forward Yeah. To it. Whereas a lot of people when they, like, hey. You're my friend if you're with me in the hard times, even if I wanna live in in the hard times permanently. And that's no. That's, like, that's a no. Yeah. And, like, and that's the wrong way to define love. And that's where again, we start getting into things like love and friendship even. We start misunderstanding. We start when Boo Boo was talking, can't be trusted by their own, I it made me think of, like, this representative

emotion character trying to get you in the corner. We're going, hey. Hey. Just to just talk about this away from the everybody else. Just me and you. The logic reason people, the Jesus guy at the table. Let's just let's go in the court. We got the real details. Come on. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Let me tell you this thing. Right? Okay. And, you know, the the one other thing I'll say this, and then we can probably get get to some advice on Dear Life and the Path. But, like, it'll never show up it'll never show up on the death certificate, but people do die of bitterness. They do. Like, they're they're we we the the the death certificates only show you the last physical thing that happened that we said, well, once that gave out, then then everything fell. But, like, your your emotions are powerful things. Bitterness does start to, like, make its way through your physical body. Like, we're way more intertwined than we think, and this has not been saying magical things. I'm just I'm telling you, like, when you harbor we were talking earlier about, like, forgiveness isn't just for another person. It is for your, like that's how how foolish that statement was. It like, if you're you're if you're gonna hold on to bitterness and resentment, like, it'll start showing up in how you speak. It'll start showing how you take the world in. It'll start showing them how you physically feel and how well you sleep. How often do they get, hey. You're having trouble sleeping? What are your stressors?

It's an emotion attached to your physical body. And those aren't the only time those two things are connected. So if you buy that, if you buy the fact that emotional, like stressors, cause you to not physically sleep well, then I want you to be open to the fact that all kinds of emotions have physical impacts on your body. And so God's drawing you to forgive people even if they won't accept it. That it's it could be a healing for you. It's for you. It doesn't just have to have even if someone even if someone flat out rejects it, said, no. I I don't even need your forgiveness. Okay. Well, forgiveness the was for me then so that I don't carry on burdens that don't belong to me, and I don't bitterness doesn't put me in an early grave and make me ineffective in life because I'm spending the rest of my days on how this person hosed me. Like, that there's healing in that, and it does represent itself physically. And so

without getting all eastern mystic on you, like That's the thing. That's not eastern mystic at all. It's not straight bible. Like, God will bring that up to you. As you read through your bible, he will put people in your mind and go, that's gotta go. Yes. That's in the way. Yes. And so, like, yeah, you wanna talk about what that spending time with god means, whether it's prayer, scripture, worship, or whatever. Like, you wanna hand that time over to god. He he doesn't waste the time. He will bring things to you that you need to that need to go away or that need to, like, flourish or you need to spend time on. Like, all those things, like, he's he's a good dad who gives good gifts. I tend to get hit, Dan. I don't know if this happens to you. I tend to get hit when I'm studying for to teach. Like, I sit down to teach. I pray before I teach Mhmm. Or before I start reading or whatever. And, like, a lot of times, like, Mike Emma with my kids would would know this. Like, I've like, I thought I need to go apologize to one of my children or reconcile it's, like, something. I've either handled it wrongly or they've handled it wrongly. But either way, I knew that I wasn't gonna be able to sit there and read and prepare for teaching the next day or something if I needed to go do that first. With your brother then come back to the Exactly right. And God has done that. Like, I find that that happens a lot. Think I that's healthy. That that show I mean, it shows you're actively studying. You're not you're not just presenting something. You're Right. It's it's life change for you too. It's it's it's yeah. Agreed. We're we're we're disciples together in this journey, and you're discipling others. And and, yeah, it that would be disappointing if it never have never hit you. Yes. Yeah. That's right. Okay. Alright. Ready? Yep. Just, again, any feedback for us on that +1, (515) 517-0085

on the non RC Cola. Bye bye's and loud complaint line. RC Cola. Dear life from the past, My girlfriend, Jonna, and I have been together for eighteen years. We live in a small community. About a year ago, a young single guy moved in next door. Jonna and, quotes, Aiden took an immediate liking to each other. This is a trailer park. Go ahead. She's 64, and he's 35. Wait. What? Wait.

I doubled down. Wait. Does she have cornrows? No. J a n a, regular name. You think j a n a? Jonah. Did quotes. Oh, got it. Okay. Wait. I I've I've lost the premise now. It it's it's I'm starting over. Girlfriend, eighteen years. My girlfriend, Jana. So it's the girl

that likes the 30 year old younger dude. Yeah. That moved to the trailer park. Oh, yeah. We live in a small community. Trailer park. About a year ago, a young single guy moved in next door. Jonah and Aiden took an immediate liking to each other. Jonah's 64. Aiden's 35. K. Aiden is on permanent disability, has never had a job, and is heavily into drugs. He does odd things like walking down the middle of the street, draped in blue lights, and sitting in the middle of the street. The police have been calling him so many times. He's almost odd. He's almost kicked out of the neighborhood. I don't think you could kick people out of neighborhoods. He and Jonah were together all the time, calling, texting, talking in person. They don't meet so often now because we've had so many arguments about it. I was jealous in the beginning. Now I just don't like her hanging out with him. She still calls and talks to him, but now she does it only when I'm not around. There doesn't seem to be anything I can do about it. He's always outside walking in front of the house.

It makes me very uncomfortable. I'd really appreciate any advice you can give me. May maybe get your own set of lights. How old is the boyfriend did it say? I'm assuming they've been together eighteen years. He probably he's probably older. 55, 60? If you're oh, gosh. All of a sudden, boyfriend girlfriend for eighteen years. Yeah. First off, that's an interesting situation. Yep. You've just been dating for eighteen years instead of tying any situation. You have expressed that that Aiden makes you uncomfortable.

The drug addict 35 year old disabled man in your trailer park community next door to you Yep. That has almost been removed from the community for walking down the street in blue lights. There's just a lot to unpack from but, like, if if you've expressed that and Jonah just says, well, you know, shove off, buddy. I'm gonna hang out with Aiden, and I'm gonna call him when you're not around then. I mean, that's indicative of, like, it doesn't seem like things are going great in your relationship regardless. So Yeah. I mean, the highest level of peak of your relationship is dating, then, yeah, some exciting dude with blue lights is gonna show up and take her away someday. Fifth wheeled on in. Yeah. I'm a tell you right now, she's doing drugs with him. Yeah. Yes. So I mean, obviously. Yeah. Yeah. Although he does sound quite attractive. Even even people who do drugs with other people find those people untrustworthy.

Mhmm. They're rapidly paranoid. Absolutely. And, like, they only hang around them to do drugs. Yeah. Let's hang out in this gutter and do heroin together. I don't know if you've ever hung out with a drug addict, but but they're about as fun as getting hit in the face with baked bean pan. Right? Like, you're just like, this is this isn't fun if you're the sober guy in the room. And so, like, he doesn't have riveting conversation. He's probably itching himself all the time. And, like, there's he's offering nothing but access to drugs. Yeah. You're you're you're blind friend. You know, John seems like the kind of person who might actually own a baked bean pan. Maybe. I do own only beans in this pan. It keeps the corn out. I don't have that. Yeah. Okay. So what's our advice to this guy? He wants some advice. You gotta it's time to get out. You should break up. Yeah. Yeah. You should absolutely break up. I mean, here's the thing. If you're if if you're I don't know how invested you're in this relationship, seeing that you've drugged this out for eighteen years with zero commitments. But In your social community. You care about this woman, you need to ask her

if she's doing drugs. And, obviously, the I don't know how deeply you love this woman that you've let this pass, but I'm telling you right now, a 100% stamp of approval. She's doing drugs with this crazy blue light man. That's it. Yeah. K. Segular says, nothing will change until you get to the bottom of why your girlfriend of eighteen years continues to pursue this troubled neighbor. Could she be trying to, quote, rescue him? No. Does she feel motherly toward him and have a need to feel needed? No. Could she have a crush on him? Also, no. I those nos were mine. I don't know. And neither will you until you calmly discuss this with her in such a way that she doesn't feel attacked when you bring up the subject. Okay. She's gonna feel attacked because she's on drugs. Yeah. She's a drug addict. Yeah. There's nothing you're gonna say here, friend. I think you you owe her the conversation with the amount of life you live together, and she's gonna lie to you. And then you're gonna go, okay. Well, here's the thing. This current lifestyle is not gonna work out for me. If you wanna come with me as we enjoy head for a new life together, I would love to have you, but I will no longer be a part of this weirdness. Yeah. You are served by your noncommittal lifestyle because all you have to do is just leave. Like, you're just boyfriend, girlfriend. Guess what you haven't set up? Any kind of legal permanence other than we gotta haggle over who gets the trailer. Yeah. Hook up the trailer and drive it away, friend. You you're good, brother.

Get out. Okay. Ready? Yep. Dear life from the path. I don't like this one. It seems married problems. I feel like that's 90% of what we talk about. Yeah. We're good. Yeah. We gotta do time. We gotta do one more after this, though. I've been married for sixteen years, but after the birth of my first child, our marriage went downhill. My husband withdrew and went out with friends often. When my brother was in the hospital, I traveled three hours with my newborn baby to visit him. My husband drove up separately, stayed a few hours, then left to go to a concert with a female friend. Woah. Our sex life dwindled down to nothing, and I felt like we were roommates. I became depressed and started having manic episodes.

I'm on medication now and taking care of myself. I've always resented my husband for this. We have two kids now, and I'm afraid if I leave him, it will hurt the children. I tried three different marriage counselors with him, but he wasn't interested. I now spend my time doing everything with the kids and focusing on my well-being. I met an old high school acquaintance on Facebook. Here we go. Oh. And our friendship has turned romantic. I don't see him often, but when I do, I want to be with him always. We are both scared of what could happen. I love him so much. He is kind, sweet, and caring. Do I wait until the kids are 18 to leave? Holy cow. I like how she ignored all the other 99 decisions that need to be thought through and goes, I just just tell me when, though. Yeah. Yeah.

Your husband's been cheating on you since before you got married. Yes. Undoubtedly. Yep. When he went to that concert, he was terrified of the marriage that he'd been a part of that was breaking, and that you probably had a kid to maybe try and fix that, and it didn't do anything, and that was his opportunity to go cheat on you again. No other reason for him to drive three hours to your sick brother. He doesn't care. And it may be because, like, he's been shamed since then. It's been rough, but whatever. It's just it you guys need to

if you've tried marriage counseling three separate times and he's just said, I don't care. He's been checked out of this marriage since before it started. Yeah. And he's manipulative to boot because he won't be honest about it. Absolutely. Yes. And you will be he'll gaslight you. He'll say that you're the one who's crazy. You're the one who he'll probably try and find the conversations between you and your friend is looking for them, all kinds of stuff. Like, this is just this is this is Well, I mean, to that point, though, this is not a caring, lovely man. He's willing to be entertaining you romantically while you're still married with children. Right. Yes. Exactly. Yeah. So Yeah. The other dude isn't good for you either. Yeah. Yeah. That guy's also a real piece. Do do you know what would work here? Jesus. Mhmm. Like, I I know we we we don't usually just give that carte blanche answer, but straight up, like, getting into a church community and have having fellas that can see this behavior from your husband, you being around strong, Christ loving women who can help put you up to a place where you

are focused more on who God is in your life and and and how he is your king, is the only way I can imagine that any of this even starts to fix itself, and it's gonna take a long and hard bit of conversations that are gonna hurt. You're gonna break each other's hearts. Things are gonna be rough. I appreciate the fact that you're trying to be there for the kids. I do. It sounds like it's only just in in statement though, because if you're out, you know, meeting up with old high school friends Yeah. Like, it doesn't sound like you're really trying to preserve that. I get why you're not, but, like, it is not really a stance that you're taking that's real. Yeah. I mean, I do like, we're missing all kinds of information. Right? Like, I this this sounds like over wait. We got two kids worth of time, sixty how what'd you say? Sixteen years worth of marriage? Okay. Like, how is this guy around day to day? Like, not did he go out with someone else while you were your brother was in the hospital, but, like, is he around

with these children? Yeah. Like, I'd like, it it made I don't think it changes direction what you're saying. Yeah. Right? But, like, I I didn't I didn't get a he's a really he's actually a good dad, but I think we're falling apart. Or he's also terrible with the children. Right? Like, be because she brought in children. Now I'm not getting a full picture of what's happening. Well, I here's the thing. This is what this is the the vetting the feelings thing. Right? Like, the the the phrase that stuck out to me was our sex life dwindled to nothing, and I felt like we were roommates. I became depressed and started having manic episodes. Like, that doesn't seem like like an actual reaction to me. Like, you should be pissed.

Yeah. But you most likely, happened was all that was was a reflection in her eyes of her own self worth. Yeah. And so So once again it's really hard to act in anger in those moments. You start to blame yourself and you start to think what it what am I doing wrong that he's wanting to be on But this is what the vetting of feelings would be. Right? Yeah. No. The identity was never a problem on you before that had happened. Like, he was probably in a place where where he was just checked out or whatever umpteen reasons could have happened that led to infidelity. But, like, I get I get where that comes from. There is a rightsizing that needs to happen that, like, there is a core foundational identity that you have that you have not called upon or understood yet that can start to kind of at least right size some of this stuff. And I I would, I mean, I would highly recommend doing everything you can to start following Jesus and and having that relationship set up because he's an arbiter for you between you and your husband. Things will start to I mean, it doesn't get easier by any means, but, like, there is a road to healing here. And I truthfully believe that Jesus is the only way. Yeah. Agree. Nathaniel?

Yeah. Classic. Segler says her final question was, do I wait until the kids are 18 to leave? Segler says, make an appointment to talk with an attorney. When you do, be sure to ask what kind of financial information you need may to ensure you get a fair settlement should you decide to end this charade of a marriage. Once you have the information, tell your husband that status quo isn't good enough for you and offer one more chance at marriage counseling. If he refuses, and he will, proceed with setting yourself free. Raising children in the atmosphere you've described may be more damaging than getting a divorce. A warning, however, once you become available on a full time basis, your lover may not be ready or willing to become your knight in shining armor. Be prepared to fend for yourself just in case. I that was a very that was a very cavalier set of advice to say it may be

worse. Right. Yes. It may be, but I'm not that. I get I get it. I get it. There's there's a thought that says, hey. Look, man. Do we put on this charade just for the children?

I don't know that you have to put on your marriage charade, but you should genuinely parent these children to your very best. And that may require you living in a non romantic relationship Yep. With your children in the house. Yep. And, like, here's the deal. You should've whoever's being irresponsible, and it may very well be both of you, are responsible for having brought two kids in here, and you don't get to change that just because you decided to start acting differently sixteen years in. Okay? And so, yeah, you're both gonna have to sacrifice here for the betterment of these kids. What did I hear? There's a my wife is telling a story about couple who got divorced. And the way that they'll you have to have a lot of money to do this particular thing. But the way they resolved it was the kids stayed in the house,

and each of the parents owned separate houses. I've heard of that. Here's the thing. Then the kids never move. Yeah. The kids stay in the same house. I'm not like whatever. The divorce stinks. But, you know, of the solutions available stability. That's stability for the children. So I'm sure that costs a lot of money. And and here's the deal. Interestingly, think of what you still have to negotiate as a family. Right? Like, the heat's at 74, the heat's at 68 when dad's in. Right? There's still who fixes the refrigerator? Who's who's mowing the grass? Dad lets us have pizza, mom. I see. Now that happens regardless, but you're doing it in the same house. I I don't know. I don't hate that of all the options on the table. But I yeah. Yeah. I get it. This right now, when once you had kids, it stopped being primarily about you and about the two of you. And so you're gonna have to make the bed that you lied, and sometimes people make the bed on top of you. And I'm sorry, but that that is the path you're on now. Okay. Last one. Ready? Yep. Go quick. You're live from the I My granddaughter, who was in her early thirties expecting her first child. This will be my first grandchild. When she called to invite me to her baby shower, I asked her who was hosting the event. Neither my daughter, her mom, her father, nor I live in the same state she does. My thought was to contact that person and offer assistance physically and financially.

She said that she and her partner were hosting the event themselves. When I said, well, hosting your own shower is in poor taste. Usually, a friend, coworker, or family member does the hosting. She became very upset. She said times have changed, and if they want to host, they can, which would ensure everything is done the way they want it. She has been very emotional during the pregnancy. Anyway, she all but uninvited me to the shower and has dodged my calls since the conversation.

So life from the past, am I behind the times? Has that rule of etiquette gone out the window? How can I repair the relationship, which up to this point has been very good? Is it is it an etiquette problem? In her eyes, yes. But is it really? I mean, it Maybe traditionally from, like, seventy years ago. I get tradition makes sense to me. And, like, in generally speaking, throwing your own shindig. That's kinda weird. I get how it sniffs on. I just I'm not sure it's rude. Yeah. It just seems like a little bit unique. It's just like none of my friends are good enough for me,

so let me do this so it's I'd be worried about that. Yeah. Hey. Everyone else would screw it up, so I'm throwing a birthday party for myself. Yeah. And I get that. I mean, I I have those thoughts myself, I never say them out loud. When my grandmother calls Uh-huh. Everyone sucks. I'm great. I feel like you guys are being a little bit harsh on the person who's throwing the party for themselves. Why? Because you're being harsh. Why though? Like I I think it's fine. I don't think it's that selfish. Like, if it's a birthday party, yeah, that's one thing. But I don't I don't think a baby shower is the same as birthday party. I don't think it's that selfish.

What? That's what you said. I don't think it's that selfish. Yeah. From the perspective It's of still selfish though. From the well, I you're right. Thank you for calling me out for that. I don't think it's selfish. I think it's fine. I literally I I take no problem with someone throwing a a baby shower for themselves. I don't think it's selfish. I think everybody wants to do it anyway. They're trying to get some stuff for the kids, which is perfectly acceptable. Because we all know kids can get super expensive. Especially if it's their first kid, they think the world is about to implode and everything's gonna be expensive. So they're taking it on themselves to do it. And grandma's coming in and is going, like, isn't it a bit rude of you to do that? And then once you called her out for that and then said she's been emotional the entire pregnancy Yeah. It probably wasn't really her spot to say, man, that's rude. Because really, it's the great grandmother. Right? Isn't it her granddaughter who's having the child? Well, yes. It's her great granddaughter who's being born. It's her granddaughter whose party it is. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. That I mean, like, if I as a grandparent, I would I would never like, if my grandson does something weird in fifteen years, I would be like, hey. That's just unethical. That's rude. That's rude. It'd be like, I might tell my wife, man, that's kinda weird. But She said specifically that's in poor taste. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I don't agree. I don't know. I'm I'm I'm a little bit caught why you what what is it that was harsh? I think it was said it was nontraditional. I don't I'm not I I'm missing what was harsh about it. What did Dan and I say that we felt was harsh? For well, so the the statement was on, like, this gal is being selfish and, like, throwing your own party. If I said I was throwing my own birthday party because I didn't want anybody else to throw it poorly. Yeah. Like, that's a bit harsh on the situation. I think she's trying to say No. That's the important part. I think if if if no one else will do a good enough job for you, that does seem weird to me. Or maybe she wasn't expecting them to do it, so she threw herself. Well, that that presumption would be that she also has no friends who offered, which I could be true. Yeah. It's a it doesn't sound like grandma offered. It sounds like grandma called after the fact and said, hey. Who's doing it? And they hadn't assumed that someone else was going to do it already. So they just they blushed. Threw her own bridal shower and her

Yeah. I I mean, it's certainly it's certainly not It's the red party. Yeah. I mean, I I it could be I I think the reason this part particular part is important is, like, if you're recognizing where your grandmother might be coming from, it's not it's not normal. I don't mean, like, abnormal, like, there's something wrong with you, but, like, it's not how it's generally done. Generally, someone does it for you. And especially if the vibe came off that, like, I did it because everyone else sucks at doing it, Like, you should know that it might come off that way. If that's not what you're thinking, then fine. But, like, if you're trying to understand at least a little bit but for the second of be gracious with your grandmother. I mean, whatever. She just has a way help you and to get money. Yeah. She wants to make it as successful. Yeah. Just go, sorry, grandma. You're old. The times times have moved on. Are you gonna you coming or what? Like, there's no reason to make this a a firestorm with granny. Yeah. I think that could be said on both sides. Think I think grandma might be taking it rough too. Like, hey. They they said they were doing it on on their own. Great. Show up and and be happy about it. Bring a thousand bucks that you were planning on financially planning for it anyway. Yeah. I mean, the the difference is it sounds like the the granddaughter's dodging the calls. So, like, that's not just, oh, like, I'm gonna show up anyway. It sounds like you might make her mad by coming if she's dodging the calls. Oh, absolutely. I've been in that situation where I don't answer those phone calls because because that person has been vicious

or that person has just said some stuff that I didn't care about. So I just went, okay. Then I think we're we don't need to be in place Well, right. That's what I'm saying. So so you can't tell a grandma, it's like, oh, it's okay. Just go ahead and come. Like, she's giving off the vibe that she's not welcome. Yeah. I but I think this is more than just one conversation that led to this. It doesn't sound like grandma called, said, hey. Who's doing this? They said we're doing it on our own. Grandma went, that's in poor taste. And then immediately, goes, well, forget you, grandma. I never wanna speak to you again, blah blah blah. I think I did I guess I didn't I didn't get that. They didn't say that. Yeah. Segular says, many of the ironclad rules of an older generation have fallen by the wayside. The one about who can or cannot host a shower is one of them. Write or email your granddaughter, apologize for upsetting her, and explain that you may need an updated version of your etiquette book. Then offer to help with the shower in any way you can. That's all you can do. I wish you luck. I think that's fine. Updated edition. Tell me like yeah. You two both these people should let this go. Yeah. There's no there's no reason to set fire in either direction. I know I'm not going. I certainly not going. Idea there was an an etiquette on who could throw a a baby shower. Did you throw your own? I have I don't know. Good sign. I just wanna make sure the dudes aren't invited. That's all I care about. Yeah. I don't think I've don't think I've ever been to a baby shower. Oh, actually, that sounds right. That's mostly mostly for ladies. Yeah. Yeah. That's the one that I I mean, I've been invited to a couple that I've said no. Yeah. There's been a couple haven't had couple like not have dudes. But I've also been the guy that shows up and, like, sets stuff up, and then I'm like, alright. I'm taking off. Mhmm. And then I'll be back when it's time to take the chairs up. It seems like the right thing to do to me. Like, to have your own it's like your kid, you know.

It's like having a pre birthday. Day. Yeah. I mean, I guess the the where I'd be because people like to do that for you. Like, your friends like to do that for you. And so, like, I I I would just be aware that someone who wants to serve you and help in that way, like, if you just run up in type a, go grab it. You just I mean, you're denying them the ability. It just wouldn't even cross my mind if someone said, hey. Baby showers need to happen. I would think, okay. It's my kid. I gotta do schedule that? It's not like I'm like, hey, pal. My kid's having a birthday. Will you throw him a birthday? I would well, actually, let me ask you. The the do you find it odd do you schedule your own birthday party? Do you throw your own party and plan it? No. But I do for my kids. Yeah. But that's not no. I'm talking about you. I have. So okay. Yeah. Well, this makes sense. I have everything where this is coming from. Buba throws his own party. And I said that because I knew there was gonna be a reaction. I did it because my family would refuse to not let me have one. And so I said, fine. I don't want you to be burdened with it, so I'll do it myself. And so I cooked for everything, and I planned everything, and I did everything, so not a single person had to do any work for me.

Woah. Woah. Yeah. I would expect that. And I think that's I think that's wrong. They wanna serve you. They wanna celebrate birthday. Wanna be served. Leave me alone. Wow. You've been listening live from the path on live from path.org. We've been oddly confrontational the last ten minutes for some unknown reason. Yeah. Yeah. I'll have you know. I just have to edit it the video. Alright. Anyway, thanks for hanging out with us tonight. We really do appreciate it. If you got any feedback for us on the show, call us on the Bob Eisenhower live for the bathroom plate line. (515) 517-0085.

Call or text. We'd love to hear from you. In the meantime, be faithful in the means. God will handle the ends. You've been listening to live in Pat.