I haven't paid that much attention, but I've seen a couple little clips. I'm like, oh. Of the birds and stuff? Just the oil and stuff floating around in the shore. I usually don't get emotionally attached to that stuff. Let me ask you a question. If I believe in an all-knowing, all-powerful God, can I also believe in a form of natural selection? No. Like, I can't say the… Like, if I say natural by meaning the Lord's plan. I'm not saying I feel sorry for, like, a sea turtle or something. I'm more sad for, like, the dude who sold everything he had and put his money into buying a fishing boat to support the family, and now he's out of business. I'm pretty sure insurance is going to cover that. I hope so. Actually, BP's paying out a lot of money. Like, they got a bunch of adjusters on the ground, and they're just handing out checks. And, you know, half of it's political. I mean, I don't know how much it's because they really care, or how much it's like, well, we better do this. Yeah, yeah. Why do you think that? Oh, look at all the behind… Look… Eh, don't get me started. I want to know why you think that. This is a happy family. We've got two hours. Let's get started. Why can't anyone be solid? Why has everyone got to be a shady character? Well, how come out of all the political candidates out there in the world,

Barack Obama is the one who's received the most from BP over the past few years? That's kind of weird. Maybe they just come in with some money. And they always say, George Bush, the oil guy. You know, it's like, no, it's really Barack Obama, the oil guy. I don't know. See, don't get me started. It just won't go happy, you know? And half the time, I'm just ignorant. I just talk like I know something. Well, I'm just saying, maybe BP freed up some money this year, and so they couldn't contribute anymore the last resolution because they didn't have it. I'm sure George Bush… You're trying to make connections that… I'm sure they all got a little bit, but he got the most. Well, that's what I'm just… That's what I'm saying. You're assuming it's because he's some kind of crazy oil tycoon, and I'm just saying… Oh, I don't think he is. I think it's all political. We hear what they want us to hear. I think you make up what you want to make up. I think you make connections that aren't necessarily there. No, no, it's a great connection. I mean, how do you feel about them dragging the oil spill guys in front of Congress? I think it's stupid. I also agree. Let them go to work. That's what I think. I mean, are they the same fact like they… So they… Did anything illegal actually happen? It was an accident. It's an industrial accident, right? As far as we know.

What does Congress have to do with it? Yeah, I mean, it's all a big show. That's what I'm saying. It's political. It's all a show. It's like, just let them do your work. Oh, so now BP is on the wrong end of the political spectrum. Oh, I'm not saying… I'm just saying it's all political. I'm not saying good, bad, pro, con. I'm just saying… I'm surprised you can… Everything we see is the politics of it. Sure. Sure. What about the children? What about the children? I don't know. They're not giving money to BP. Unless they're huffing gas behind the backstone wall. Which these kids can afford to huff gas. Actually, BPs are traditionally shady. Are they? I don't know that I've been to a well-lit, productive, non-shady BP. Do they sell underwear in a vending machine? That was the one. It was a BP, the one that burned down across the eventually. No, it wasn't. Yeah, it was. No. That was a Cenex. No. They got bought out by BP. No. Yes.

It was a Cenex. No. No. How many times do you think this is going on forever? No. Yes. No. It's kind of like a tennis match. I lost one place. I'll put you just on me. No. It's Cenex. Look it up. I'm sure there's news archives on it. I'll see if I can find it. I'll tune a fire. Cenex. It'll show right up. It's next to the racetrack. Close to Newton. Yeah. Hey, man. I tried to go in there after it burned down. My wife said I couldn't go in. Yeah, they probably shouldn't. Hey. Well, it's not like they got people outside the door. Yeah. I could have gone in. Where's the coolest place that you've ever trespassed? Hmm. I broke into an iron-on shop late at night once. What do you mean an iron-on? Like an embroidery? No, like iron-ons.

I was like a little kid. I was like in fourth, third grade, second grade. We were horrible. I was a kid. We had a stealing club. We broke in. Did you have to break something to get in? I don't remember how we got in there. We somehow got through a door. I probably broke it. I don't know. And I had like two boxes of iron-on patches that I had stolen from the place. I had my possession for years. And I finally thought, what am I doing with these? Tell me the design. What was the design of them? There were some Dairy Queen, various Dairy Queen designs. I was like the one kid. I wonder who stole this stuff. The guy with all the Dairy Queen patches on his coat, on his jean jacket. I suppose that would make the application process go a little faster. I am here for you. That's why I didn't use them. I was like, oh, if I use them now, they'll know I did it. So I kept them in my garage literally for years. And I'm like, what am I doing with these? Because you can't return them by the time I figured out, oh, this was a bad idea. You know, nobody would have wanted those particular iron-on patches. There were other ones. That's just the ones that stuck out to me. Where did I? We got caught breaking into an abandoned house on the way down to St. something. Where was it? In Missouri? Remember when we were trying to heist that door?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. There was an abandoned house next to another house on the way to St. We were driving to St. Louis for a gig. Yeah. And we passed by it. And we saw like an old-looking house. We thought, well, that was pretty cool. We should go take a look. Like, you know, five dudes with nothing else going on but driving somewhere in a suburban without this one. Some musicians. Yeah. This sounds like a great idea. So we went looking around, and there was a door in there. And the drummer decides that he wants this door to put on his house at home, you know. And so he's trying to kind of finagle it out of there. And it looks like a pretty good tug, and you'd get it out. And then all of a sudden, he falls through the floor into the basement. Ooh! And so he's kind of like halfway in between the, I don't even, the mudroom or whatever it was in the basement. And then all of a sudden, you kind of hear a truck come pulling up from the farm next door. Yeah. I mean, Duke's a hazard style. This dude's rolling up. I mean, Smokey, you know, I mean, it looks bad. He's on a mission. Yeah, this thing's not looking good for us, you know. And we're hauling a trailer, you know. I mean, this is not a slick operation. We've got a guy's… The band logo was on it. I mean, we couldn't just back out and head around. We'd have to like do an eight-point turn to get this trailer moved around.

Nice. This is bad. Yeah. This is real bad. By the way, let's see. Raging gas station fire ruled accidental dateline, Altoona, Iowa, December 28, 2009. The fire was reported at 7.59 a.m. at the BP station at 2635. So that'd be a yes? I'm going to have to see the copy. Hang on a minute. Verify. Altoona Fire Chief Jerry Whetstone, that's Pants' dad. Who? Said an employee was the only one inside the store when the fire broke out. He did it. Case closed. 2635 Adventureland. Ben wins. It says Cenex. Sorry, man. Oh, is that Cenex? That's Dial and Olsen right there. Picked that up for me. Did he? Yeah. Olsen, did you get me a job? Yeah, Olsen, were you getting Mike a job? I left Olsen a voicemail. I thought he worked for a pretty solid company. I thought, well, he's a solid guy. Maybe they'll hire me to do something. I think they went solid people. Have they heard the show? Yeah. I claim that I know nothing about anything that he does, and I have no expertise in his area.

So we'll see. But he's a solid guy, so he should come through. That company employs two solid Christian dudes, and I thought, maybe that's where solid Christian guys go. Maybe I can better myself and learn to be better. We'll see. In fact, I went in there to visit that same office, and I tracked mode everywhere. I was down there looking at blueprints for the development of Merle Hay Mall. Not Merle Hay Mall. Merle Hay Road by where the ministry center is. Right, right, right. And so I was down there looking at it, and I was off the construction site at Mercy. It's pretty cool, isn't it? He was going to, yeah. They had something set up for you until you told them, like, remember me? I tracked mud. No, I did. I apologized profusely, and they seemed to think it was okay. Hey, you didn't leave your phone number. I was supposed to call you back. No one's going to employ a boob that calls and then doesn't leave his phone number to call him back. Hey, this is Mike with X Company. I'd like to sell you something. Give me a call. Good luck with the number. I'm just egotistical enough to believe that everyone has my phone number, that all they have to do is ask the guy next to him, go, you know Mike? They say, oh, yeah. Of course. Here's his number. Call him directly. Hey, speaking of numbers, I was going to throw this out there. I keep forgetting to mention it. So every once in a while, we'll use the Skype, and we'll call Pants.

But you can call us on Skype if you want to. We don't have the regular phone lines in here. But the Skype name is just Des Moines Amplified. And if you can call us on the Skype, and it might take a couple minutes to kind of get up and running so we can put you on the air. But feel free to give us a call on the Skype. Have you ever seen a coyote face-to-face? I looked. Well, not a real one. They have one stuffed. Not a real one. They had one stuffed at a… I drew a picture of one once. There's a stuffed coyote in some kind of historical museum, and he and him went to glass eyes. Why? Did you run into one? I just want to know if in case I do. I could have sworn I'd seen a beaver this week crossing the road, and the woman says there ain't one. I can't. Here's the deal. So he's got to be… They walk funky. He's got to be a football gentleman, you know? And he's magooing it across the road, you know? And I look for the distinguishable tail that I assume after years of cartoon watching that they're going to have, you know? Like he's collecting sticks, he's building something, you know? And I don't see it. But I can't come up with another descriptor of this animal. What looks like a beaver but is not? It could be like a river otter. I think that's what they're called. Is that a real animal? No.

One day, I'm driving down the road, and I look off like probably 200 feet in the distance, and I just see this strange creature running like super fast. And it was just this weird-looking thing. I had no clue what it was. And I had started Googling stuff, and it was like a river otter or something like that. And it showed a video. Was it that one thing that you said you ate in China? No. What was that? Wasn't that a platypus or something? Yeah. I've had some… But then I did shoot it. With your gas-powered BB gun? Okay, so I go to the Ministry Center today. This is confidential. I go to the Ministry Center today, and Daniel has what appears to be a handgun on his desk. And I say, Daniel, what is that? Right next to the sword-shaped letter opener. Next to your Bible. Right. Which is more powerful. He says, it's a BB gun. I say, what for? Do you need a BB gun in his office? It turns out there's some kind of ground animal that he's after with it. I'm not sure that's legal. So I brought it there for protection of the offering. Okay, I didn't say he shot the ground animal. I have not. But here's the funny part. It's like we don't have the windows that crack open so you can hillbilly your way out the window and shoot it. Like he would have to see it and then chug around halfway through the building, bust out of the doors, and then present his gun at the ground animal. Wait right there. Excuse me, sir.

Who I would hope, through the process of years of natural selection, would have noticed a giant human coming at him with a weapon at leave. They have become, they're taking over the ministry center, and they've become quite bold, and they just look at you. Yeah, they just look at you like, let us in. We want to pray here. Exactly. They're on the path. Yeah, I guess. That must be the same story for the raccoon that leaves his feces in the attic. Ooh. Did you get up there today? No. It's hot, man. It's like 87,000 degrees. Baked feces. Baked feces. Ew. Yeah, I made a mess of tater tots today. Speaking of baked feces. What do you mean? I'm just saying, I haven't had tater tots in, I don't know, it's been years. And I saw some tater tots at the store, because I was looking for the lazy man's dinner, because I wanted to watch TV tonight. Nice. So I got a full bag of tots, and I made some French toast. No, no, she's coming in late. She comes home from work late, so I got to take care of it. So I got some Texas toast, and made some French toast on the griddle, and then I made a whole bag. I mean, I should have made the whole bag. It wasn't necessary. Like, I can't eat a whole bag of tater tots. It was one of the family. Oh, you did make the whole bag? Oh, yeah. I just dumped the whole bag off. You bought the family bag and thought, I'll eat this. Yeah.

Yeah, I wasn't thinking. Just tater tots? You got anything on top? No. No, they're preseason. Nacho cheese or anything? Oh, just tater. Yeah, yeah. Preseason tater. Not like a tater tot casserole, which is pretty good. Which is good. I like it. That takes a lot of effort. Yeah, oh, yeah. That's not for me. It's for me to eat. Have you ever tried to cook something outside on the sidewalk, like they used to show on a TV? Oh, like an egg or something? You can do that in Vegas. Really? It's that hot. Did you do it? I didn't, but someone else did. You saw him do it? Oh, he just said he did it. No, I saw somebody do it. Oh, okay. Yeah. I don't know if they ate it or not. What did he make? I mean, it was an egg. It was the egg? Yeah. I cooked my spit.

I didn't eat it. You didn't eat it back? It took a while to cook, and then it was gone. It was magical. It's crazy. It just disappears. Time-lapse photo. That's gross. Have you guys tried to cook chicken on the grill? Yeah. It's not that hard, but man, we just got a grill maybe a month ago or a couple weeks ago, whatever. Yeah. And so I'm not great on the grill yet, but I'm getting better, you know, and we bought some kebabs, and that turned out good and everything. Steak's not that hard to cook because you can eat it red, you know, however you like it. So that's not a big deal, but chicken, man, you got to get that. You want to cook that well, yeah. It seemed like it took forever. It does. It took forever. I made the, when we used to live at that. It was good, though, in the end, but. When we used to live at that rental house, I thought I was going to start taking over the grill because the wife's dad is a grill master, you know, and I thought, well, I better bone this up, you know, I can't be showing up acting like I don't know how to do this, you know. So I decided I'm going to cook up chicken. And, you know, I cook it up, and, you know, I try it before she comes over, you know. I've done it a couple nights, and I'm like, well, this is a solid chicken, you know. I think it takes 20 minutes, and I've been eating it the last two days, you know. So then she comes over, and I'm like, I got dinner tonight, woman. No problem. I cook this thing up for 20 minutes, and she opens it up, and she's like, did you put cream cheese in the middle?

Oh, no. I said, no, ma'am. No, I didn't. She goes, that's not done. I said, what do you mean it's not done? I said, I put it in there 20 minutes. You know how long does food take? McDonald's pumps it out in five. Yeah, right. I know. How do they do it? She just says, no, that chicken is most certainly not done. So I was at Salmon Hill, you know, poisoning area for at least two days, unbeknownst to me. Yeah. Which is the most. Like, did you get sick, or just it could have been? No, no. No, that's, I've been cooking like that for years. I'm terrified to do chicken on the grill. I just, you know, for that reason. Well, and the thing is, is like, you got to, you got to cook it high enough temperature that it's actually cooking, you know, not literally forever, but then not high enough that you're burning the outside, and charring it, and then you have to take it off, but it's not cooked in the middle, and yeah. I just do the Sam's $900 for a dollar box of burgers. That's about all I do on the grill. I'm too cheap to buy steaks. I left those in a garage once for like three days. And I tell you what, they produce a funk. Oh, yeah. Like, you would not believe. Yeah, it was nasty. I mean, you think that like, just regular maggots or flies grow out of this thing. I mean, there had to have been a sea lion coming out of this box.

I mean, it was rank. Might have been. That was a say, that was a say, in fact, it was because we had a party. It was that platypus. It was that party that we had. Spontaneously generated. Everyone, Stoney went to rehab. Oh, yeah. Did we talk about that already? No, I don't think so. Well, maybe we did. Did we talk about Stoney going to rehab? What? Did we tell you about Stoney going to rehab? We had a party for Stoney, who went to rehab. Is this the guy you used to work with? Yeah, yeah, the guy that got arrested. Remember, we talked about that. Don't get too specific. Yeah. So we had a party for him, you know, and this is where this rank burger thing tied in. Here's your part. So we made hamburgers that night, you know. And having some chicken with that. It wasn't near the turnout that we were hoping, you know. So we had a ton of hamburgers left over. And we had spent half the night riding off the top of a garage on an office chair into a sofa. Nice. And then to cap the night off, we did a suicide wheel with bottle rockets, you know, where you take the end off and put the wicks all on the inside and then just light the middle. And then you go to a tennis court or something. And so you put them in a big circle, you know, like three layers tall with all the wicks in the middle, light it in the middle. And then you got to stand by it for three seconds and then run. And you're going to get hit with one of them. It just depends on how many you're going to get hit with. So anyway, we spent half the night, you know, off this chair, off the garage and whatever and suicide wheeling in the tennis court.

And forget about these burgers, you know, completely. And alcohol was not even involved. I just passed out because I was tired. And so these hamburgers ended up sitting there for three days. It was terrible. It was absolutely awful. They could have walked out as far as I'm concerned. Yeah. They were trying to negotiate a piece. They were trying to live in the garage with what they were trying to do. That's nasty. I don't know anything about it. That's not sounding good. What do you mean? Wait, I don't think we, so Dan, just to, you had trespassed and stolen some embroideries, right? Iron-on patches. I like to make it sound like you've got in like a women's cloth store. Yeah. Some lace and things. Embroideries. No, no, no. It was iron-on patches. Okay. Zach, have you ever been trespassing anywhere that you care to admit to? There was, this was sort of unabitful. But we, we heard about it. We were kind of a college-age deal and we'd heard about some supposed haunted house sort of thing. You know, a real house and, and that was supposedly abandoned and all this kind of stuff. And over on, it's in Des Moines. I don't remember where we're about. But, uh, so we decided to check it out and a bunch of us got in the car and went over there. And, uh, I was, I was the guy, I don't know why I like, I was the guy who was staying in the car though.

Someone had to, cause it was my mom's car we were driving. So I had to stay in the car or something. Was it a shady neighborhood? Yeah, it was. Well, I mean, it wasn't, it wasn't terrible, but like the, the house set back really far from the street. So he had to go down like a dirt road to get to it and it was pitch dark out. Yeah. And I guess though, this was like, this is a common thing because cops come around because kids do this all the time and I hadn't heard about it, but some, so it must've been, it was fairly common that kids are coming to this house. Yeah. And, uh, so, so yeah, the cops came and, uh, and, and he was, he was nice and all, but I was really worried. Oh, look at that. We got cookies. Look at that. Interrupt the story. Oh. We've got cookies. Whoa. We have, look at that thing. Is this our first visitor to the radio show? Here, I got, I brought my camera. Oh. Oh. I got a picture of it. Oh, that didn't really work. We need to see, we need, we need pictures for our Facebook page. Here, here, here. Get the cookies. Get, get the. Get the cookies. Wait, this just looks like you're at our house. Okay.

Yeah, get in there. Present, present them to Zach. This is great. Oh, that has Facebook right all over it. The plate is warm, guys. These are like warm cookies. Are they, are they right off the, right off the griddle? Did you bring milk? I don't know. Did you bring milk? I'm getting out of here. Is there soy sauce in there? Um, well, dad. Soy sauce. Did you make those cookies? Did you make those cookies and set them up? You made the soy cookies? I did not bake these cookies. This better not be fraudulent, Daniel. I'll tell you what. I did not bake these cookies. I don't know what I'm talking about. These better be legitimate cookies. Oh, that looks good, too. Of course it does. Yeah, you'll be looking at it for Facebook. Put that on your resume. Thank you very much for the cookies, ladies. Yeah, thank you. I appreciate it. You guys are good. You guys are going to sing a little duet or something? Do a dance? Yeah, we got plenty of time. You don't have to do it now.

You can go out in the lobby and think about it. This would be a good time to tell us about any plenty of time you have trespassed on anywhere. Yeah. Anything you guys want to confess right now? Have you broken and entered anywhere? I've already admitted doing something way worse. Yes, you have. You definitely have. All right, come on. Get on there and say it. You can. No one's watching. It's a good story. All right. Okay, sit down. Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to introduce Danielle Hudson, daughter of the esteemed Crush Velvet slash Velvet Crush, depending on how you think about it. Danielle, how are you? How are you this evening? I'm great. How are you? Excellent. And so you've broken the law? I guess so. How did you end up trespassing? Well, we decided where I was at college, at KCU, and we were going to make a car into a hot fudge sundae. Okay. Okay. So we had to get all the ingredients and saran wrap. We're also using saran wrap. And so we had to go into the KCU cafeteria. But I actually walked in behind the group of people, and I thought the door was just open at night, but I guess they propped it open.

Oh, so you were in the back, and not quite sure. Isn't this door just open all night? I just thought it was open. Well, that's what I told you. I didn't break it. I didn't break and enter, but I was with the people who did. And I didn't actually take anything from the cafeteria. But you knew others that did. You were most certainly a party to it. Yeah. That's still guilty. What would you say the name was of a guy involved? It rhymes with… Yeah. Chank. Who's that supposed to be, Hank? I don't know. He does not share. I was going to say Tank, but it's colored. Someone could reasonably have a name, Tank. True. Do you know anybody by the name of Tank? Hank. I do not. Hmm. Well. Now, I don't know. I'm sure I've trespassed at least 10 other places, and I can't. I can only think of two right off the bat. Daniel, you remember that old amusement park that was Otter… Was it Otter Creek? Yeah. River… Riverview? Yeah, that has Otter in it.

Good guess. Otter Creek, can you say Riverview? Amusement park? Called Otter Creek. It wasn't a big one. It was like a water land in… That was the worst guess I've ever heard. I gave you like 75% of the name, and you come up with 100% nothing. Anyway, so there was an old amusement park by our apartment building, and it was when Maxwell the Moose was running free. Do you ever remember that? You remember when… You remember that? So he was going hog wild at this Otter Creek or whatever, and so we went over to check it out. And there used to be an abandoned house and the abandoned amusement park there before they mowed it down. And we broke into there, and there's all kinds of crazy like… Yeah, I better have one. Like crime scene stuff in there. You know, like people had written on the walls like very eerie stuff, like, I know you're here and whatnot. It's creepy. And I thought I was going to take my big idea… Did you wind? Was that a wind? I thought it was so wrong with the soundboard. What happened? It was a phone. I don't know what you're talking about. If somebody winded, I want to know. It's only fair. I don't think so. Anyway, so the wind is gone. Did you hear that?

I didn't hear it. Did you know it was a phone? No, I didn't hear it. Does your ringer sound like wind? Did you download a wind ringer? You're crazy. No, if somebody called me. I'm eating this cooking. I'm sorry. So anyway, trespassing, eerie things. I did have another one, actually. Now that we're actually admitting real things here. I had like a half of one, but this one's a good one. So I was in college. This was in Kansas. And we were at a club and everything. And I got illegitimately thrown out of this club. Like literally, I mean, just like full Nelson me, like dragging me around. And I'm like grabbing things, like saying, you can't throw me out and all that. It was ridiculous. And so later, we came back when it was closed at like 3 in the morning and snuck in like the back. They have this like back patio porch. And it's right by the river. So we took all their plastic chairs and threw them into the river and then left a note that said, remember me? You threw me out tonight. Good luck with your chairs. What did they throw you out for? Some guy was claiming that I was like starting a fight. And so he knew the guys like that were the bouncers. So he just went up and said, hey, this guy is starting a fight. And they just instantly, without one word, just grabbed me and started manhandling me around and throwing me out.

And I'm just like, and so a girl that was with us, she like, she said, you better let my friend go and just slap this guy. And this is a huge scene. Everybody's looking at my friend. So then once we got outside, we were just like, that was awesome. It was pretty sweet. Yeah. I can't believe you got thrown out of somewhere. Yeah. I mean, and these guys were like strong too. No. No, I mean, well. Hold on. No, I was, I was, well, after this guy started, started crap with me, then I was, then I was starting crap back at him, you know? So, and then that's when he went. Was it mostly a verbal disagreement? Until he pulled Nelson and got out of there? And I mean, I'm, I'm a skinny guy. So I, you know, I'm not going to, I beat people verbally down because I can't, you know, physical, I'm, I can run fast. But that's, you know. You remember me? Oh, see ya. Yeah. So, I mean, I would, I know better than to start an actual fight. But yeah, we were, you know, we were John. I think I was, I was getting the best of that one. So he just went over and tells the bouncer, this guy's caught in trouble. Like a kidney gardener. Yeah. Yeah. And then they, but it was, it was also funny that I was like, I didn't go peacefully either. I was, I was trying to grab onto things and like, I had no chance.

I mean, this guy was like twice my weight and he was strong. And yeah, it was pretty, pretty funny though. I remember we broke into my, well, I shouldn't say broke in. Like we, we, we, we snuck in into my, uh, one of my mom's ex-husband's house. And, uh, I think they were in the midst of the split. So I wasn't happy with this guy. So anyway, he was gone for the day. And so me and Ben sneak in there and we don't, we don't steal anything or vandalize, but we do a bunch of weird stuff, you know? Like we turned all of his, all of his stuff in his house backwards. So it was facing the wall, you know, like took his bed and turned it totally around, you know, took all his dressers, turned them facing the wall. We unscrewed the, his, his cable from the outside. Yeah, we did, you know, we thought about cutting it, but that seemed malicious. So we just kind of unscrewed it. Yeah. So we couldn't get his cable. And we stored a bunch of weird stuff in the refrigerator, you know, hit a bunch of things that would stink eventually. That's awesome. Under the stove figure. And, you know, it would really cause, and it was, it was, it was lighthearted, but mean-spirited nonetheless. Oh yeah. Uh, so I think that was the last place that I, that I officially broke into. Are you guys, are you guys going to stay? Judd, did you say your children have to go to sleep? Somebody has to go to school. But you can stay up and do a radio show. Typical. You're going to, you're going to say hi? You got a, you got a phone interview here? Who is this, Mike? Yeah. Who are you talking to?

Hi. Get up, get up there. Yeah, I can't hear it. I'm sorry, what was that? Hi. That was good news. Radio debut. Do you realize that I can't talk to you on the phone while I'm on the radio station, right? Who is this? It's Gabe. That's the damn joker that called me. He must really need some. We told that story. Oh, he, call, call me the, we told that story. Get on the chat or get on the Skype. I can't talk to you on the cell phone. Okay, yep, yep. Mike's on the phone. I'm going to let you go now. Yeah. No, we don't, the radio station doesn't have a telephone number. Nobody calls me. Tell him to get on the Skype. Somebody use the Skype. Who is that? Gabe. Gabe. We, uh. I knew it was a mistake inviting him to listen to this radio station. What a mistake. He calls on the phone. Calls Ben and I both. He's probably listening on the phone. On his iPod or whatever.

I got a story. What an embarrassment. Me and my buddy in college slashed a guy's tires once. Ooh. Oh, really? Yeah. That's kind of mean. He deserved it, though. Well, I mean. Yeah, he deserved it. I'm sure he did. Yeah, no. Will, I can't exactly tell you what he did, but we went, my buddy and I went on a trip to go hang out somewhere and we came back and we didn't live together at the time. I had another roommate and he lived like a couple doors down from me in an apartment and his, he, he came home, dropping his cookie over here, eating off the floor. I'd do it. Um, he came, he came home, went, went back to his room and everything and his, his things were just defiled if, we'll leave it at that. It was, it was, it was wronged. And, uh, so needless to say, um, he, he was pretty pissed and said, someone's been on my computer and all this, whatever. So, so he's pretty mad. So we, we slashed his tires. Nice. That's really, that's pretty bad, though. But I think it's cooler to steal someone's tire. That would, that would, like if you're going to cause that kind of toll. That would have taken a lot of work. But that would have been awesome. Just jack up the tire and take one of them. Yeah. That's way more scary. That would have been awesome. Or the steering wheel.

Something, you know, something that you definitely need. Like mess with it more. Actually, it'd be really cool to put the club on it. Like just get in his car and just put the club on his steering wheel and then leave. Good luck. Just keep the key with you. You would do that even if someone loves Steve Ray Vaughn, for example. I love Steve Ray Vaughn. You know, I know a guy that, I mean, really loves Steve Ray Vaughn. I mean, like, like has a crush on him. I don't even know who that is. Steve Ray Vaughn? Are you serious? I am. He's a guitar legend. Really? Sings Cold Shot, Texas Flood. As well as me. What do you do with your free time? I pray. I pray and do charity work. I certainly don't slash tires. Listen to Old Testament songs. Shoot small vermin with my gas-powered rifle. One can only listen to the soundtrack of show tunes. To clarify, the theme on these stories is they were a long time ago. Exactly. Right? Exactly. So I laughed at them again, though. I did them a long time ago. They're just as good. I laughed hard. A second time. Is that wrong?

I think it's inappropriate. Hold on a second. I'm looking. Yeah, here we go. This is you, Daniel, right here. These really aren't Sawyer. It does sound a lot like me. House, is it rocking? Nothing? Yeah. Hold on. Wait for the words to begin. You got nothing on this? What music do you clean your gun to? Now I want to know. Do you count your embroidery patches by cleaning your gun? Okay. What about when you park backwards at the park, you know, the other way, or the van, or whatever it is? Pride and joy? Nothing? I'll give you one more shot here. Are you kidding me, Daniel? What music do you like? You know, political rock ballads? Political rock ballads. Freshman Ball has some great music. I can't remember that one time. I can't remember the guy's name. I just, in the 80s, I started listening. I could tell you all kinds of like Christian contemporary stuff through the years, from the 80s through 90. And then we moved out to Atlantic in 1990. And there was like nothing. There was no radio stations.

There was polka time, which I didn't really get into. That's it? I mean, you know, it's just country music, which I don't really care for. And the rock stuff, which I, because I tend to be completely opposed to everything they believe in, and they're opposed to everything I believe in. And, you know, we're speaking different messages to the generations. I have a hard time supporting it and listening to it, because I usually just get mad at them. Like, what do you mean you're doing what in the backseat with, you know, who? I mean, you know, you're married, right? Oh, you're not? Well, you know. You know. Once again, you're making a connection that's not there. I've been that way since high school. He could be talking about his wife. I'm pretty sure he's not. Because the next song is about somebody else. Somebody else's wife? Do they name him by names? Yeah. Could be your middle name. The end of the song is, by the way, this is not my wife. I wish they could be that one California girl. Well, that's, now you're waylaying the 50s. There's no generation. I'm just saying, I can tell you a lot of Christian music, except I could recognize it. But that's pretty irrelevant, you know. Well, I mean, the thing is, like, I mean, those songs are very popular in pop culture. You know, like, they've been on commercials and movies and whatnot. Yeah. But if you don't know them, it's like, oh, that's cool, but I can't, you know. I'll sit there and go, oh, that's that one guitar dude, whatever your name you said it was. He died in a helicopter crash? Man, that's sad. Man, that's sad, but I don't care.

I weep for him. I hope he wrote a song about his wife. Yeah. Stayed legit. He was unmarried. I've always been just freaky. Hey, Olsen is trying to tell me that he's never broken into anywhere. Does that sound feasible to you? He's got keys to every building in town. He doesn't have to break in. Yeah, there you go. Yeah. I'll just go look at this one. You believe that? Yeah. I don't believe that. He's a good guy. Straight up, you know. He has a beard, but he's okay. I don't think you know Olsen. I think you know Olsen. You're talking about a different Olsen. Have you been to dinner at Olsen's house? If he would invite me, I would. You know why he doesn't? He's got a bunch of stolen goods there. I've been to his house. The other half of the DQ logos. Probably. On a jean jacket. Speaking of, do you remember that time that Grandma owned that embroidery and patch shop and they got robbed? In Clear Lake, Iowa? By a punk with spiked hair. Who also took all the lace.

Yeah. Some weird reason. And the cross-stitch pattern for God bless this house. God bless this house. God bless our mess. That's the worst sign ever. The Lord does like a tidy house. My neighbor used to steal money from his grandma. Who did? My friend. We were in high school. That's low. She would go gambling all the time. And she'd win. I don't know how she'd do it, but she'd always just come home with just hundreds of dollars. And she'd hide it in books. So we'd go looking through. That's cool. And she'd forget about it. That's also cool. I felt less bad. And I was there. You feel less bad taking money from her amnesia grandmother? And she loved me. Good thing Grandma has Alzheimer's. She would tell him how, or just tell me like, man, you are just so handsome and all these ongoing things. And she would say to him. I don't know where this story's going. You have some kind of sugar daddy grandma. Yeah. And she would say to him, oh, you're okay. You're 50-50. Yeah. You look like your mother.

Yeah. So we'd go rifling through all the books and found one. Claiming that you were looking for knowledge. Grandma, I'm trying to expand my horizons. Can I read the encyclopedias again? Expand my horizons. You're always looking at the encyclopedia M under money. Yeah. Grandma's real clever. She's in for cash. So that was always a good time. Or if we couldn't find any, it was like, well, we're going to have a boring night tonight. We don't have any money. I used to shuffle through my mom's purses. She always had like 12 purses going, you know, and I'd find a quarter. But she left stuff in there just, you know, to make me feel like I got something. You're old, so that was like worth a lot. Yeah. Yeah. I was just like, man, get it. It's like a night in town. Have a candy bar or something. I don't know how much it was. Back in my day, you could buy a whole bag of candy for a nickel, you know. Okay. Maybe not. Somebody on the chat got a visit from the police for pulling up the wooden stakes around a construction site, but didn't really trespass and was nine years old. Wow. Pulling up wooden stakes? Yeah. At a nine-year-old? The police. Who reported them? Yeah.

What kind of crotchety neighbor do you have that's going, that nine-year-old kid is pulling up stakes? You know what? Unless those were the corners of the building markers, that'd be kind of really annoying. Yeah, that's true. This house just grew. I got to spend some time in the back of a police car once in, we lived in Ankeny, and we somehow, you know how when you're a kid, you think it'd be really cool, like, to break bottles, you know, pop bottles, whatever. Anyway, we left the Hy-Vee, and we're walking toward my house, and a buddy of mine and myself, and in the parking lot is a bag with a six-pack of beer bottles in it, and we're like, oh, yeah. And next to the Hy-Vee was a drug town, I can't remember what they are now, it's like Salvation Army or something, I don't know what it is, the buildings are still there. And we go back there, and everybody in town broke bottles back there, I mean, there was just a sea of glass. And so we're like, well, obviously that's what you're supposed to do with bottles, so we go back there and we start breaking them, and a neighbor from this privacy fence on the other side of the driveway, and then there's the building, you know, and this guy comes screaming, flying out of the fence, I don't know what he was saying, and my friend, he's just, he's already down in the corner, he took, he dropped the ball, he ran. I'm like, oh, he said stop, I guess I'll stop, you know. No problem. I said, oh, what do you like, sir? Everybody, oh, everybody called the police! I'm like, oh, crap, this isn't good. And anyway, the guy, my friend came back, because, I don't know, he just… Did you wait for the police to show up? I did, I just thought, oh, okay, whatever. That's a good friend. Looks like you called me. I didn't think it was that big of a deal. That's a good friend to come back. I probably thought I was going to rat him out. I mean, I probably wouldn't have, but…

But I mean, he did come back. To me, that's even a better friend than one who just stayed to begin with, one that left and came back. Yeah. To come back to trouble, knowing that they already got themselves out. Did he hear the part about the police already been called? I don't know, he was halfway down the block. Yeah, I think he probably didn't know the police had been called, and was just coming back like, hey, what's up? What are you doing? Is that guy gone yet? They're like, hey, they called the police. Of course, you could have just walked by. I could have dropped my wallet. Yeah, exactly. This is where I left my bottle. I don't know this kid. I love that thing. We didn't get in big trouble, but he said we had to go home and tell our parents, and they had to call the police department within 45 minutes, so they were going to come find us, you know? And that's the hardest thing in the world, to go home, and I got a single mom, and I was like an innocent boy. I mean, she didn't know I had broken and entered and all that kind of stuff, and had a ceiling club, but I was, especially at this point, I was golden boy, you know, I was Mr. Christian guy, you know, and I just didn't think of it. I wasn't being malicious. I wasn't like, I hope I do damage. I just thought it was fun, you know? And, oh, man, talk about, oh, that was worse than anything. They could have put me in jail for a week, and I would have liked it better than to see my mom's eyes, you know? Breaking bottles isn't that bad, right? Oh, you've got to call the police department. Breaking bottles.

Is that even illegal? Yeah, breaking bottles. I mean, sweep it up. I mean, there were hundreds and hundreds of bottles broken in there. It probably looks like you've been doing it for three weeks. They probably thought they caught the bottle bandit. Probably. You and your buddy have been back there. Matter of fact, they haven't been blasted there since. Kind of crazy. You've seen those fluorescent, you know those lights where they, you know, the tube fluorescent lights, you know? Yeah. You've seen those bulbs that they got where if you break them, they suck in on each other like a ball of iron? No. No? Oh, yeah, they're cool. They're expensive. So you break the lights? Are you supposed to break the lights? Well, no. So you're required to have them in food service areas. Like, you either have to have a cover on the fixture, or you have to have a cover on the lamp, or you have to have these, I can't remember what they're called, like tamper lenses. It's just, Kevin Carson was telling me about it. So anyway, if you don't have the cover on there and you have exposed bulbs, you have to have either like a plastic sheath over them, or if they fall and break, they go, like a big magnetic ball of light stuff. That's wild. It's cool looking. Like, it's something out of the movie. You gotta break one of these things. I will attempt to get some. It's how expensive.

Is it true that if you cut yourself with one of those lights, the wound will never heal? No. Who perpetuates that? The same guy that stole the wooden stakes from the construction site? Maybe he would know. They say. Oh, by the way, here's a nefarious action number two from the participants of the chat. Riding double on a moped. Oh, I know who did that. Sentenced to 10 hours of hard labor at the Parks and Rec. Went before a judge. Daniel, were you a part of that? No, I did not know her. I did not hang around women like that when I was that age. Was it two dudes? That's the kind of lady people write songs and write on a moped together. I hope so. We can't go beard to beard like this. You promised me. I know what kind of woman you are now. You've been before a judge. Hey, have some more cookies. 10 hours. Have it. Yeah. Does that go on your record? Community service? Was it underage? It was underage. Yeah, I didn't know her yet. Was he raised? What kind of poindexter offered up a moped ride? Yeah. Do women dig dudes that have mopeds? This always floored me.

You know that kid you were in school with? And his mom and dad got him a moped. He's like 14 years old. Has the big yellow flag or orange flag in the back. And for six months, you're like, that guy's got it made. And then six months later, you got your car and you're like, what a dork. Exactly. I can run you over. And he's still rocking it. He's like, you know what? I pumped this thing up. I put a new spark plug in it. And I put a glass jar on the back. It makes it sound pretty awesome. I don't know. That's exactly how it goes down, too. For six months, that dude was the coolest thing ever. And then six months later, it's like, stay away from me. Don't talk to me. There's something wrong with you. And I'm not riding to the get-and-go on the back of that moped. That's right. Because it bogs down on a hill. Hold on, let's break some glass. It goes 35 miles an hour. Let's break some glass. We got some more community service. Steak Puller is now on the dock for 20 hours for stealing CDs. That sounds recent. Well, Steak Puller's having a real tough time. Stealing CDs. That's something real. I followed up with a really needed Jesus. I used to steal Christmas presents. Wait, the same ones you sold people?

From the Ben Franklin. You would go to their house and sell them? Yeah, the Christmas. And then steal them back? No, no, no. I'd go into the Ben Franklin and steal things, and then I'd give it to my mom for Christmas. Did she appreciate it? Well, she didn't know. She didn't know you stole them? But did she appreciate it? Yeah. Yeah, she did. She loved it. And then all this stuff has been all of a sudden hitting me. Man, at some point, this is when it really hit me while I really need Jesus was we went into the Red Owl Grocery Store, I think it was called, and my Sunday school teacher was in there working, and I'd go in there and we'd steal ice cream bars. And I saw, you know, it's in the middle of summer, 90 degrees. I got a long-sleeved shirt on so I could slip a… Yeah. Like a heroin addict. Exactly. Sure. And I remember she had this big smile. How you doing, Danny? You know, they called me Danny. And I'm all great. You know, I'm stealing ice cream bars. No big deal. And just the guilt. It was just like, this is not right. And after doing that a series of times, a number of times, it was just like, you know, I finally decided, I've got to… This is bad. 13 or 14 more times, I'm going to stop.

I know, exactly. Well, I've had my fill, and I'll know after I reached a million dollars, I thought. This has got to end. No, I mean, it was a certain point. It was like, I'm like going down the wrong road. Can I burn that BP down? Exactly. That BP will never burn me again. The CDs, by the way, Steve Ray Vaughn, Billy Squire. All right. I'm guessing that's not accurate. It's legitimate, then. Mike, strawberry shortcake? Mike? What about it? Did you slice shortcake from the Jesus' dinner? Okay, so this was way recent. But I do not. Oh! Well! All right? Everyone else, Mike, everyone else has come to Jesus and no longer a part of these ways. So here's what I do. So, I don't know if you've been to the Jason's Deli. You know, it's one of them high class… Next to a hoo-hot. Yeah, next to the Guitar Center. Oh, hoo-hot's good. Yeah. So anyway, they're like… They're like seven bucks for a sandwich here, you know? Yeah. And so, I feel like I'm getting fleeced. Like, I went there, like… You know, every time I had school, me and a buddy of mine would always go.

And we went, like, five days a week. And we'd go for five days straight, and then we had school again. Like, three weeks later, we'd go five days straight. You know, every time. And so, anyway, they're slowly and slowly cutting down on how many ruffles they're giving me. Like, it went from a big handful to, like, a half a handful to, like, three chips and a dirty pickle. You know, I started upset. And so, salad bar… And the guy next to me is getting salad bar. I'm like, well, if I ask him to get me strawberry shortcake, or I just go get it, it's the same. Because he paid for salad bar, and if I say, can you grab me that? You'll get it, you know. There's no need to pester him. I'll just go get it myself. And so… Everybody's happy. So I did this for, like, three years. Three years. And then we got to know the manager guy there. And he finally come up on one day, and I said, I've been stealing strawberry shortcake out of that salad bar every time I'm in here. He goes, I don't care. And I said, I tell you what… He goes, and I tell you what, there's going to be a different manager in tomorrow. See what you can get away with. He said that? Yeah. Nice. Because it's an unintended salad bar. You know, I mean, there's a certain amount of waste, you know. So I feel kind of bad about this. I stopped stealing soda. I had been getting a water glass and getting soda. I shut that down. I started getting water, because I was starting to feel very guilty.

Yes, you should. The Holy Spirit's very powerful. But I'm saying, the strawberry shortcake was excellent. And I've just changed… It was legitimate then. I changed the route on which I received it. Because he did order salad bar, and he has four rights to do with his salad bar postings, whatever he wants. You're playing in the rules. Yeah. I mean, in a way, I mean, you're not, but you are. I'm just saving the guy next to me a trip up there. Okay, so when our family goes out, and we have, like, say, one of us gets salad bar, and Cheryl's like, well, why don't you pick me up a little whatever? I'm always like, you haven't paid for that. And then she gets mad at me. But if you order food, do you not share it? Yeah. You know. We often share. If you've got, like, a lot of extra kind of food on your plate from salad bar, can she not eat some of it? Well, that's what she says. But I'm like, yeah, but they have a price built in for salad bar. Yeah, they also have a $2 pop price in there that they're selling you a three cents worth of pop. Yeah. Mr. I love, Mr. Corporations are out to sting me. Now you're on their side. No, no, no. They must be. Now, just because they're fleecing you doesn't mean you get to take recompense. I didn't steal it. I just told you the situation. Well, you have to remember, Double O Olsen's fleecing them on lease.

He's charging them too much. Don't say that about a prospective employer of mine. Double O Olsen is the man of highest integrity. He's also purported to be breaking and entering places, but he just won't admit to it. I'll janitorize your office. I'll do anything, Olsen. I need employment. Then you've got the Saddleboy Union. Now, Olsen says, hey now, but he didn't really provide a defense. Yeah, just, hey now. Hey. Well, I did, but don't throw that around. Stop that, you. Oh, and the stake stealer has also been taking pins and Bibles from the church. Hey, hey, you know what? Yeah, let's get the word out. If people could bring back the pins that they're stealing and just laying around the house, I don't care if they give them away. Those things get expensive. You bought a ton of them. You sent them out. I thought you were supposed to take them every time I make an order. I thought you were supposed to take them. Well, you're supposed to take them if you're not going to give them away or something. What if I need a pen at home? Some people say, like, I've got 35 of those at home. I'm like, well, go ahead and bring 30 of them back. That'd be great. This is an outreach ministry, not a fill-your-office drawer. Yeah, what we tend to do is we have kids take about six a week. And it's like, you know, it's kind of… Do you need more? Yeah, it's rough to start slapping the kids because it just doesn't look good. Well, they need slaps sometimes. But they're like, you know, 50 cents a piece or something.

And that's not a big deal, but they add up and it's like 100 a week, you know. You know, I know a guy, the same guy that I go to Jason's Deli with, steals those cups that they bring ranch dressing in, the small ones. Says they're useful for home. Gets a to-go bag and takes them with them. Useful for what? I don't know, for dipping sauce at your place, I guess. Are they like stainless steel or are they like plastic? They're like the brown plastic, you know, like… I do take… I take extra condiment things, like at Pizza Hut, you pick up your pizza and you get some red peppers. Sure. I take extra knowing that I'm going to have pizza at work tomorrow or not even Pizza Hut-related pizza, just Jack's Pizza, you know, like some other pizza sometime and I got them in my drawer, you know. I think that's okay, though. Those are meant to be. That's all right. Those are community peppers. Obviously. Pizza Hut is your friend. God made the peppers. He can give them to me if he wants. The Lord owns the Strawberry Shortcake. You only have it for a short time. You best be sure to… I'm claiming it home. As a steward of the Strawberry Shortcake, you should let me have some. Ben. What? Why don't I hear any stories of you doing thieving? I'm trying to think. I'm having a hard time believing you can't come up with any thieving stories. I'm trying to think of something that would…

Oh, well, you know, and the only reason I even thought of this is because the steak stealer has gone virtuous to the point that he finds this out, that he doesn't do this, and that's like, I will print off personal use items at the work printer. Oh, yeah. And that is the stealing of work ink and paper. I think they factor that in, though. I printed a lot of stuff off. Yeah, yeah. Like… Like Ace Cooler biographies? Like my whole music list, basically. I did it like 15 pages at a time over the course of a day. I wrote a book. Yeah. I got three novels now. I self-published this 300-page book. A couple orders. You can go on Amazon. Olsen, that doesn't count. First of all, I don't have those yet. And second of all, that's because you haven't come through with them. And second of all, if no one's renting the place, then they are no one's green chairs, and you should just let me have them. There's some nice green chairs over at this Corigliano's. Is that the one where the homeless guy number two's in? No, that's downstairs. Right. That's downstairs. So anyway, there's some really nice chairs in there, and for the longest time, I really wanted some, and I asked Olsen, and he says, too late. They rented it out to somebody. So now I have to pray for the demise of the Corigliano's to try to have them vacate the place so I can get some green chairs. Didn't somebody say they weren't paying the rent or something? No, I hadn't heard that.

You made that up? Oh, no. So, wait. A homeless guy is going to the bathroom downstairs. There is a public restroom downstairs. I've used it. What do you mean? We've talked about this. Are you talking about downstairs in this building? Yeah. Yeah, there's a public restroom down there. That homeless dude's in the middle of the night. We talked about this like, no, two months ago. No, the restroom's right in the middle of the floor, isn't it? Was he gone when we talked about the dumping? He might have been. Matt was here. Hey, I'm going to tell you a story about poop. I'm for it. Good lead in. So, my two-year-old daughter has taken her diaper off while she's sleeping every nap time and pooping in her crib. Like, every day. I don't know how to shut her down. Like, I don't want her to be uncomfortable and sleep in her jeans because she can't fashion the jeans, you know? She's just a little gal. And so, you know, the one time the woman straightjacketed her in a pair of jeans figuring this would keep the diaper on and it worked, you know? And I'm like, well, that's not necessary. You know, it's just a passing phase. Whatever. She's done it like 15 times. She'll whoop off her diaper while she's taking a nap. How old is she?

She's two. Pull-ups. That's what she's got on. Oh, she's taking those off. She can finagle through them. I say, why do you keep… They're not hard to get off. Yeah, I mean, like… I say, why do you keep doing that? She goes, there's poop in there. Well, hey, that's… I can't argue with that, but now there's poop in the crib. She can take a bath. You're sleeping in your poop. That's terrible. Like, I feel terrible. I walk up there, it's like a madhouse. As soon as you walk up the attic, it's like, oh, man. What could have happened? I know what happened. That's not a question. I know exactly what happened. She pooped in there. You ever have to clean up a clump of poop? Yeah, my son doesn't do that. No. It's weird. I'm just saying. I don't know what to do. Is this common? Yeah, that's when I get a call and I have to leave. Is this common? I don't know. Did your kids do that? Not poop in the crib.

Is my kid on the way for that? Ben? My kid uses the john. Yeah, Ben's six-month-old baby uses the potty. Really? Yeah. No, he uses the sink. She's upgraded to the john. Oh, okay. That's impressive. That's weird. Yeah. It's weird. It's all right, though. I mean, it really… You got going over here, Mike. Because we use… Actually, I just told that john story, and then I saw some kind of brown business on my hand. Did you smell it? It was a chocolate chip cookie. And I licked it real quick. Licked first, smell later. I don't know. I kind of got my stories confused. I got to start double-checking what I got on my hands first. Because that poop thing was a big mess. I probably had gone through a half a box of wet wipes. Was it soft? Yeah. It went all the way up the back. We had to go straight to the bathtub, you know? Yeah. It's terrible. Plus, you almost have to run two baths. One bath to get it off of there, and then you can't have it floating in there.

So then you got to dump it, and then do another bath. Don't you have a shower where you can kind of take the head down? She don't like to shower. Oh. She's scared of it. Do you get one of those little two-foot-long things? You hook onto the bathtub, and it turns into a little shower. That's true. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. She don't like that thing. Plus, her house was built way back in the day. It don't fit on there. But she'd like it better than poop? She doesn't mind the poop. She used to. That's why she keeps taking her diaper off. She thinks it's all right. It's like war paint. Oh, it's awful. Yeah, that didn't sound good at all. Yeah. I'm just saying, poop's a bad deal. That's just… I like the system I've come up with. That's your future. What do you mean? You're going to be in a nursing home someday, rolling in your poop. The system of… I sit down, and it goes away. I'm saying I like the way I do it. I don't like the way she does it. Isn't that the way everybody else does it? Hey, actually, I thought that was relatively off topic. But I was thinking about the guy that first got… The guy that invented the toilet.

And think of the invention of the toilet. It's contingent upon a wastewater system to deal with. Otherwise, it's just an indoor outhouse. Yeah. Right? So, like, it's pretty… I think it's pretty obvious just to come up with an invention and say, Now, for this to work, I need cities to implement infrastructure in every house so that everyone can use it. Or like our ministry center. Yeah. Yeah. 70s bathroom. I believe it was implemented at the time of a wastewater. What's that? Wasn't it? Was what? When was the toilet invented? I don't know. Circle what? Because romance sewers? Hey, you're acting like it was, like, way prior to the implementation of it. Yeah, I'm fairly certain that Rome had a sewer system. Aqueducts and… Well, but they had the… Well, they had aqueducts, but they didn't have, like, a wastewater system. Well, probably not like the one that we have today. But they had something of sorts. Hold on. I went to… Check it out. That's what they do with electricity. And abandoned it and said, Well, you gotta wire everybody up. Well, no, because you could do your own.

True. How about somewhere overseas where it just all went out, like, to the street? I mean, it was, like, not in the street, but besides… Are you sure that's not Alabama? I haven't been to Alabama, but… I have been to China. In Taiwan. Seriously? Oh, yeah, we talked about it. It was stinky. Was it smelly? No, it was bad. It was… Yeah. You know, I've been to Pence's house, and I ran into any of my objects. They smell it over there. Yeah, I bet. Is he rolling it? I don't know about that. Like a dog? I'd hope not. In the backyard? I would… I seriously hope not. Is there… Is there a… Would you say there's any words that you do not like when other people use? Just regular words, you know? But what would they… I mean, not profanity or not using, like, the Lord's name in vain. My wife hates the word anal. Like, in reference to, like… Oh, you're… Someone's being picky. Being a…

Speak poop. Yeah. And… Yeah. And I can see that. I mean, but… I like to use it every once in a while. But… Just to… Yeah. My wife doesn't like the word tote. Tote? When referring to, like, a Rubbermaid. People say, grab the tote. Tote. Tote. I would never say that. Uh, how about moist? The woman also does not like moist. Or dolly. I like the word dolly. Those aren't from your wife. You just… You just… You just… Yeah. The woman just mentioned today how she does not like the word moist. Others don't like it. What… What words don't we like? I like it. I don't really care. I'm a pretty fun-loving guy. I like all the words, you know. I don't know.

I don't like the word moxie. In fact, I was at the Target one time and they had… I'm usually game to buy new stuff. Especially new candy. I'll try it at least once. And there was a candy called Choxy. And it really made me angry. And I wouldn't even… I wouldn't even check out in an aisle where Choxy was prevalent on the end cap. I had to go to the… That's pretty ridiculous. I had to go somewhere else. You said I'm bad. I said I don't have anything to do with it. Yeah. I find that completely reasonable. I'm feeling pretty good right now. I'm feeling pretty normal. I don't like it when people say… Oh, doily. Oh. Doily. Who doesn't like that? It looks like dolly from here. Yeah, I don't think you said it wrong. Dolly. Poor Stake Cedar says no doily. Moxie, I hate it. I hate it moxie. You know what? Because it implies some sort of like… Some sort of sassy pants person. And it's generally a lady. Like a sassy lady. Oh, she's got moxie.

No, I don't like that. It's terrible. Actually, you know what? I don't like the word… I don't like the word sass. Why? No, no, that's… No, Ben, you use that a lot. That's crazy talk. I don't like it. I love it. No. Like giving you the sass? Yeah, quit giving… Yeah. No. Now, I don't like sass. My kid has propagated the phrase incorrectly and will say, I'm mad at mommy. She's giving me the sasser. So she won't say it right. Well, that's better than sass. Why? It embodies it. She put her own spin on it. Yeah. I think your kids did a good job. Come on, man. Give her some credit. Is that casserole or casser? I don't know what that is. You ever heard anyone say the word schedule and they say schedule? Yeah. That's ridiculous. That's not the pronunciation. Okay, casserole.

Yeah, that's right. Do you say that? No. How do you say schedule? Schedule? Schedule. That's how I say it. Schedule. Schedule. Schedule. You don't say it like that. I've heard people say that. What's the other one? Slow jay. I was watching this. What's a slow jack? How is that mispronounced? I don't know. And what connotation does someone go, hey, slow jack? It's pretty fun. Look at that slow jack. Is it in reference to a dude? It could be somebody. Or? I think it should be like a mechanism. Like if you see someone's rigged something up or there's like a lift, you go, look at that slow jack. I think that's a good explanation of a mechanism. Like without the W? Yeah. Slow jack. All one. Yeah. No hyphen, no W. Hey, man.

We're in a real pinch. What are we going to do? Find me a slow jack. Yeah. Where's the slow jack? In a match. Yeah. Yeah. I could use that. Is slow jack then meaning miscellaneous thing? Or you're meaning something specific? I think it has to be a mechanical contraption. It has to be a jack that is slow? No. It can't be exactly where it's for. Hydraulic lift. It's a specific mechanical or it's just a find me a miscellaneous contraption. Right. I'm making a mechanical contraption. So if you build a seesaw or a pulley, if you built a simple machine, it is a slow jack. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Or something that uses a simple machine principle. You could do a combination of them and say, hey, man, how'd you rig that up? I got three slow jacks and a pipe. Yeah. Now, that really wouldn't help them out much because it's a very general term. Yeah. It's true. But it would be usable. But maybe it's a guy. Most people say, hey, man, how'd you do that? They're just acting like they're interested. Like I asked that.

There was a guy. That's true. I was at some kind of shindig, I don't know, yesterday, I think it was. And there's guys like, hey, I'm not very good with people. Like I say, hey, how you doing? And they're like, hey, how's the weather? I'm like, well, you're living in the same world I am. I mean, you can't tell the weather outside? You slow jack. So he starts telling me about some – he was like, oh, I'm out of work. I'm like, well, what kind of work are you looking for? I can't offer him a job or anything, which I felt like that's what he was going to think I was going to say. And then he goes on to like a 15-minute story on how he used to work at a car insurance place. And he was going over the limits in Iowa and stuff. And he's one of those guys where after he starts telling you the story, and you're kind of nodding just to be polite, and he takes that as like you're extremely interested. And gives you examples and things that you don't need examples for. So like, hey, so anyway, we got to $20,000 coverage per person, 40 across the board. So you got five people. You're driving down the road where you live at. Okay, so you're driving an I-80, let's say. Two-35, you hit somebody, and then that person hits somebody else. There's five people in the other car. You got it so far? Okay, I'm good. Okay, first person. $10,000 in bodily injury. Okay, so you're fine. So under the $20,000, under the $40,000, you're good. Okay, second person, $20,000 in bodily injury. We got $20,000 in coverage. He's good. $30,000 total. All right, now the third person, $30,000 in bodily injury.

We don't cover that. What about person four and five? They got $8,000 apiece. Seems reasonable. We don't cover that. Is that a true example? Yes. That's the story he's talking about. So, like, if you see a school bus or a bus full of church kids, like, you want to get away from them because your insurance is only covering the first three. Yeah, yeah, it's a limit, right? So if you're going to hit somebody. Who gets dibs on the first three? I don't know. Do you get to pick which ones? Like, I want to cover that guy, that guy, and that guy. You're out. I hate to. That kid with the slow jacket t-shirt. Forget it. Actually, I bet the insurance company doesn't care because it's capped anyway, right? Like, if it's $100,000 across the board and their top is $40,000, they could probably care less of where it gets dibbies out to. So, then what happens? Somebody's got to get it and somebody doesn't, right? I mean, they just take your house then? Oh, yeah, they end up – well, this story, one of the – the story came out, this guy was talking about. It seemed to be close to a correct story. Anyway, this guy hit him, and then he was unemployed, had been living with his mom. And so, basically, he – this has been 10 years ago, and he has not got a job. He's still garnished his wages as soon as he gets one. So, this is just an excuse for him to stay at home. So, the people that got hit can sue him, but they can't take him. I mean, he didn't have anything to give away. So, yeah, they're just – the hospital sent the bill to the people that got hit. That's kind of a sad life if you're not going to work the rest of your life so that you don't pay someone. Yeah.

Something happened 10 years ago. Yeah, I'd be like the guy who gets a second job to make sure – Well, he wasn't – yeah, but he wasn't – I mean, he wasn't working before. Oh, yeah, that's true. It's like it's just a better reason for him to sit on his book. Now, I've got a reason to not work. Before, I had to make it look like I was looking for a job. Yeah. I've done that. You're looking pretty impressive over there, writing notes and stuff. Is that – you got the camera down so Double O Olson can see? Yeah, most of the time – It's pretty attentive. So I like to show up at, say, 9.30, 9.45 in preparation. Why would you do that? And bring a legal pad with ideas on it of stuff to talk about. It's just stuff I like to do in preparation for stuff that I – This has never happened before. So stuff that I care about on a regular basis. That's – what are you implying? Nothing. I'm just saying. Why is he looking at me when he says – I just like to describe my work ethic on occasion. I believe Zach got here later than me today. Which is shocking. For the first time. Who knew there was more than 30 seconds between 9.59 and 10? I don't know. Apparently there's a full minute, which I haven't been taking advantage of. Exactly. You tried to be the last one here. Here comes the breeze. Back on that word thing, I was watching this clip of this whatever from CNN. And this woman kept – they were talking about, you know, in business defining your niche and all this kind of thing.

And the woman kept calling it niche. Niche, yeah. And that was driving me nuts. And she would – and it's always the person who wants to say it a lot, like mispronouncing it. And it's like, everyone else around you is calling it niche, and that's what it is. And why are you calling it niche? Because you remembered her. Yeah. Well, I guess. It was a trick. Did you buy her book? It's the niche girl. Yeah. But that's true for commercials, though. Commercials are, like, really clever or, you know – but then you go, man, what was that for? I don't know. It was funny, though. Like, what good is that? Yeah, I know. I can't remember what they were selling, but it was really funny. Yeah. I don't know. There's been some that you'll see a dozen times. What's that for? I have no idea. Still don't know. Yeah. But it's that one. It's good stuff. What does that say? Oh. Nothing. I don't doubt it. What do I do? I don't like any of those words.

Been wearing socks with sandals? Yeah. Do you really do that? I've done that before. That is a faux pas. My wife told me that she made me stop. She wouldn't – I mean, there's a number of things that my wife will not go out in public with me looking like, and she'd put stuff on that. It's because I love my socks. I have – I wear the wigwam King Cotton Cruise, and they're awesome. You ever buy them socks? Wigwams? Are they just white? If they were on sale. Yeah, white King Cotton Cruise. I think I have. I have them. They're like $6 or $7 a pair. I probably have them. Wow. So here's the thing. You're living in comfort. You're living the life. Sounds like it. Except for when you start to ruin them, and you've got to buy new socks. And now you're in the straights because the lifestyle you were living five years ago, no longer – your budget knows no longer you can afford $7 socks because you thought you'd have some kids or get some financial responsibility. I was going to say, you're assuming you're going down in the progression. Yeah. You could have – Now you have accountability. That's what happened. Yeah. I don't know how else you guys did it, but I like to start high when I was younger

and then slowly lose employment. Nobody there is saying, that's not a good idea. That's how I like to do things. I like to make major financial decisions when it starts to really get the bulk of responsibility. It is sad, though, isn't it, when you've got some kids and now you're struggling over buying some socks and you need some socks, but – Do we eat or do we have socks? Like the socks aren't in the budget. Daddy needs socks, sorry. I mean, socks are like $5, $6, $7, whatever. Do you buy wet wipes to clean up the poop mess or do you get yourself a new pair of threads? Who's to say? Actually, you know what I have – and maybe this is just me, but I have the hardest time is I think, man, I could use some socks and I'll probably go out and buy them. But then if my wife goes out and buys socks, I'm like, did you really need socks? Yeah, like you're questioning, like, how many more shirts do you need? Yeah. And then I feel – you immediately feel ridiculous. You're like, you're just asking your wife whether she actually needed socks. Yeah, you would assume that she had – she needs them. Is there an item that was in your budget that you made a conscious decision, like, we just don't need this anymore? It needs to go. I gave up cable. Like, we had satellite and we gave up satellite or we went to the shorter package and then we just cut it. We just said, look, we don't need it anymore. Whatever it is, I'm sure it's entertaining, but we don't really need to be doing it anymore. Yeah. We can find stuff to do with our time, so we cut it and we're back down to basic TV. So, yeah, we did that. Yeah, we've never had cable since we got married and just decided that that was out. But, yeah, it's tough, though, because, like, in our case, we're pretty scaled down the way it is. So, it's like it's hard when then you still struggle on your monthly budget and you're

like, no, given, like, we could, you know, rid of – I mean, there's things, like, that are not necessities that you could rid of. Right. Like, we don't – you know, you could go without a home phone or, you know, we have internet, but then you're like, yeah, but you do need, you know, like, you need those things, but it's not like you don't need them to survive, but, I mean, you know. Right, right. You've got to communicate with the world, but, I mean, yeah, it's tough, though, when you're already, like, more or less scaled down and then you're trying to, like, well, what can we cut? And you're like, I don't see a – I don't see a thing, you know. I mean, other than literally eating bland things or, you know, I mean, or just, yeah. We did that for a while. Early in our marriage, we had – we budgeted meat twice a week, and we ate popcorn. Really? Yeah. Wow. It was like – it was that or nothing, you know. It was – and then – and now we're – that's probably why I gained 50 pounds, and it's like – meat five minutes a week. There's food. There's food. I can eat. And if we steal some strawberry shortcake, we can leave like kings. Sell these DQ jackets. You don't see me wasting away. I'm just saying. Ben, we gave up air fresheners. Air fresheners? Yeah. Our house is smelly now. It is not. I'm just kidding. But, like, the wife really likes air fresheners. Here's what happened.

Like, I don't know, six, seven years ago, Ben comes over to the house one time, and we I like how you're in trouble already. He comes over to the house. One time, he says, man, your place smells like cat litter. Oh, man. Yeah, that did it for – That was it. That was it. Our air freshener budget went through the roof the one time. It's my responsibility to change this cat litter. I don't do it. Is this a fan, like a cooling fan? I don't know. It's not plugged in. I know, but it's – It's beast hot in here. Is that a – I think that might be a heater. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like, is that a heater or a cooling fan? Ben, go see if that slow jack works. Okay, got it. I'm on it. I'm out of the picture. Go about your business. All right. Yeah. So ever since she's been hooked on the – Well, we had to give it back up again due to budget constraints. But, I mean, our air freshener bill went through the roof after Ben made that comment. And after I relayed the message. Air freshener. It was my own fault. I shouldn't have said nothing. Yeah, yeah.

But, I mean, the house, it didn't really stink. You know, I'm like, this one time, I let it go too long. Yeah. My fault. Totally cost a problem. But candles are expensive. Yes, indeed they are. Man, they're – You can spend seven, ten bucks or whatever. For a decent one. Yeah, yeah. Like, man, that is – And then they can burn the house down. And then they're huge, so you're thinking they last a long time, but the thing runs out, and you can't – so it's like, you throw it away. You got all this – Yeah. Oh, that's – yeah, that's legitimate. Is it working? Yeah. Feels good over here, boys. Looks like Dan gets a long pole on his hand there. Yeah, you know, some of us need it. I'm about to bust down to my nipply t-shirt. It's a little warm. I don't know anything of that stuff. I don't feel it. Is it coming out? Mike had a problem with the mannequin I had in the office. Speaking of nipples. Did you see that thing? I did. I did. Dan. Daniel has purchased a half bust of a woman. Mannequin.

Where'd you get it from? Merle Hay Mall, New York stores going out of business. Like, no head on it? Yeah. No head. Just a bust. Yeah, that's – Well, it's just display like pathway t-shirts. Okay, but there's defined areolas on it. Yeah. To be church appropriate, I think you're going to have to file it down. So here's what I see when I walk in this morning. I honestly didn't even notice. There is a half-naked bust mannequin woman in the church office. He's afraid someone's going to steal it. Along with a plastic BB handgun. And I say, what goes on in here? Where do you think the head went? That's – Oh. Yeah. It could be legitimately used for t-shirt display, you know? But I don't see any reason to leave them nippleies on there. Right. I mean, yeah. I mean – But wouldn't that be a little more obvious if you, like, melt them off or file them off? I mean, all of a sudden it's going to be, like, these flat – Put a brassiere on it. I mean, something appropriate. Yeah. It doesn't have a back. It's just the front. No, that's true. Your average woman walking around does not have that out and about.

You're not portraying a real message. Yeah, that is true. Unless you're in Alabama. Have you ever been to Alabama? By the way. No. Don't go. If you said yes, this is – yeah. I was about to yell at everybody for whoever's leaving the half-eaten cookies on the plate, but it's me. You're putting them back? Yeah. I take a bite and then I return it. Hey, that's not cool. I know. I don't like it. Do you need another cookie? Yeah, I'll take one. I guess I'll give you the plate rather than – Especially when I go to – I already had two, but it looks like there's one. I go to get the food from the cafe at church on Sunday, and there's some kind of, like, half-chopped donut, and I don't trust it. Well, I'm assuming that someone grabbed their half and cut it and then didn't touch it like that. That's what you would assume. I would assume. Just because you want a half donut doesn't mean someone else wants a half donut. That's true. You take a whole donut. And waste it? Yes. I'm offended by the – I take the half donut. What if it's a great donut? And I'm like, I wish the other half was there.

That's the best donut ever. And where do we get our donuts, by the way? Where? Yeah, Casey's? At Hy-Vee. Oh, really? We used to get them at Krispy Kreme, but they wouldn't deliver. Because they're good. Are they good? But they're Hy-Vee. Yeah. That's weird because the Hy-Vee by me, the cake donuts are just terrible. They're just dry. They're over cakey. Yeah. They're really thick. Right. They're really thick. And they're just relatively dry. The ones, though, at – the ones that we get at church, good. Pretty good stuff. Good. I'm glad. I thought maybe they were Casey's. No. Uh-uh. Because Casey's is solid, too. Dude, I like them. I don't eat that many donuts. I've got enough issues. This is not helping me. Yeah. We shouldn't question our wives on the budget. Or, you know, the – sometimes my wife will be getting, like, cleaning supplies, and I should encourage that.

I'm like, you really need more Windex? Come on, or whatever. And it's like – and those things are expensive. Cleaning supplies are expensive. Well, you know, and that's what's ridiculous. We should support that. My wife is way better at that stuff than I am, at, like, restraining from buying things that you shouldn't buy. Like, she's way better at it than I am. And I'll see something, like – especially for the kids. For the kids, it's the worst. It's like, hey, man, I went to a garage sale, and I picked up three pairs of overalls in this summer dress. I'm like, it's not even summertime. What are you doing? What do these kids need a summer dress for? Can we – you know, not now, not this month. Right. We'll have money next month. Can we cut the sleeves off the winter clothes? Two worst things I hate to purchase. At the grocery store, anything liquid. Because I'm just like, really? We're just going to pour it down the drain. One drain or another. You know, I hate milk, juice. But you've got to drink it. And secondly, I hate buying underwear. Well, that's – But you've got to have it. Because you don't want to spend the money. You don't have to have it. Living proof. You don't have to have it. That's why your house smells.

You don't have to have it. Some of us feel we do. Why do you hate buying underwear? I don't. It's just like – Do you have an underwear budget? I don't. But it's one of those things like – You have an annual underwear budget. And my wife would say that I keep it far too long. It's like, yeah, there's not much – Well, I was going to say, the thing about buying underwear is you only do it until you've completely ruined the old ones. And you're the only guy to blame. Like, it's not like, you know, the whole family's roughed them up. I mean, you don't. Who's the blame on my underwear again? You can try and blame on the washer. That dryer's a good – It doesn't whip my sweaters, but that's what I'm saying. Who left my underwear outside in the rain? Yeah, there's no one to blame but you. Yeah. You've ruined them. Now you've got to replace them. But sometimes you catch your foot on it. You try to pull it up and it catches your toe and then it goes – Exactly. That's where they rip. You're like, well, that's screwed. Or you continue the tear and then you're wearing like a one shorter boxer situation. Yeah. That's true. Then it's like, it just seems expensive. You know, it's just like, man, that's a lot of money just for something that no one's going to see.

And you can't – Once again. I can't justify buying the cheap underwear either though because then that seems wrong. You think my boys deserve the best. I'm not buying this golfer boxer again. I'm going to buy this tagless, seamless, you know. Yeah. Look at this guy. He's pretty happy with it. Yeah. He's happy. Look at that smile. He's real happy. If I was standing against a gray backdrop, I think I would be making the same face. And did you have some sort of underwear dilemma in Kentucky? Well, I went for how many days? Three days or something and took one pair. Yikes. Yeah. And I was like, oh, this doesn't work. And so I had to buy some down there. But it was camouflage. It was kind of cool. It was like, yeah, it was like a package of like camo underwear. Were there other options and you chose the camo? I chose the camo. Like, because I wanted a memory. Because every time I see that, that's my Kentucky underwear. There you go. Well, I kind of like that. If I was going to do it, I wanted some splash. Yeah. And I can walk around the house and no one sees me. Look, there's just the upper bust of Daniel. I can sneak around the backyard.

Put a shirt on that guy and file his nipples down. Wow. That's good stuff. It's a little awkward. We're having a… I'm going to have to get a disclaimer that I get to flash up on the screen. Because over the last two weeks, the stories have constituted of trespassing, breaking and entering, stealing. Last week, we were talking about making off of cinnamon rolls and conniving plans to take cinnamon rolls from the Holiday Inn Express. Yeah. Well, poop's not illegal. What? Oh, no. I'm being mocked. The mockery from the chat is, food and underwear. That's our program. Thanks for joining. Oh, I forgot poop, too. Yeah, that's pretty right on. That's pretty dead on description. As well as owl pellets. Which is not poop. Which is vomit. Right. We have brought up underwear, like, in probably three different shows. But, you know, it comes up, I guess, right? What do you guys talk about? This is a new flavor. It's camouflage. Hey, hold on a minute. Did you really talk to the Holiday Inn Express, or are you just making fun of pants? Who did? If anybody on the chat is mobile, we could use some milk in here. Yeah. It's hot. Yeah.

It's hot in here, and we've just eaten a bunch of cookies, which I really dig on. Those are good, by the way. What are you doing? What? Okay. Cut a cookie in half. How did it go? Oh, Lumpy, please speak to me. Did Colin call the Holiday Inn? Have him Skype. Yeah, does Colin Skype? No, I tried to convince him to do it earlier. Come on, Colin. He went to a graduation party there. All right, keep coming. I can only feel so much while you're typing stuff. Keep it moving. What was the outcome of the Holiday Inn Express trying to get the signal? If you remember from last week, oh, there's a way to get them. Can we buy them? There's a way. I think we're willing to pay for them. Yeah, you have to stay there. Yeah. I'm willing to get them legitimately, but I don't want to have to stay there. Yeah, right. You got to say, your wife ain't going to let you buy legitimate cinnamon rolls from the Holiday Inn Express? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What does it mean? What does it mean? I'm going to have a pants buy it. No, okay.

Check it out with the underwear budget. You can order them online, no doubt. Really? Okay, I'm going to check it out. You guys go about your business. You mean like, don't make them? Maybe. Well, they've got to be prefab. I mean, they're exactly the same no matter where you go. I applied for a job at the Holiday Inn Express figuring that I could get an in at the cinnamon rolls. At the end? Oh, yeah. I had no in at the end. Mandatory Sunday work. I had to turn it down. Same with AT&T. Really? I applied for a job. I thought I'd get free cell phone service. Yeah. So I thought if I'm going to have a part-time job, I might as well be in a cell phone company, you know? So they said, well, all of our part-time employees have to work Saturday and Sunday. And I said, let me stop right there, Brian. I'm out. See you. He goes, that's cool. See you. That's cool. I'm used to it. It was the best interview I ever had. Wow. Yeah, they don't put up with that jazz. Huh.

My dad has shared with me interviews that he's had where right off the bat you can tell it's not going well and the guy's like a jerk or he's telling you the business or whatever and he'll just stop him and say, because I'm more likely, I've been through one or two of those and you kind of just sit through it or grimace through it and then you're like, well, this will end and then I'll just kind of say, okay, see you. And he'll actually just stop and he'll ask for his application back. He's like, that's got my private interview. I don't want you to have that. He's like, all right, I'll just take it from him. Yeah, thank you. I'll see you. And I'm like, good for you? Yeah, that's awesome. Yeah, because I mean, and it's true though. If they're jerks and you have no business working there, why do I want you to have my information on job? I agree with that. Have you ever had an interview you thought was going really poorly but you got offered the job? Actually, my interview for the financial institution, I thought, was like that. The financial institution? I didn't even know what I was applying for when I got that job. Yeah. I used to work where Ben and Zach worked. Oh, gotcha, gotcha. I forgot about that. Yeah. And I thought it went terrible because I'd just gotten off my stint as a manager at the oil change place. Yeah, that was like the same day, right? Yeah. So I was a bit brass. Oh, no, it was… We'll say when I walked in, I wasn't really office ready. Still had oil under your fingernails?

Yeah, I was a bit rough. And I was still a bit rough when I worked there. Like, I never quite classed myself up enough to belong in that office. So you've smoothed out quite a bit since then? Yeah, this is an improvement that you're seeing. This poop talk and whatnot, this is years above what I used to be. Hey, man. Stealing shortcake. 20 bucks. 20 bucks for two trades of eight rolls. Delivered? Oh, they'd be worth it. So 16? Yeah. That's worth it. $16 shipping and handling? What? What if we pick them up? What kind of slow jack price is that? Yeah. That's way, Robert. That's ridiculous. You can't have shipping as much as your item costs? Let's see. Hold on. Is that for sale on eBay? No, no. It's at Smart Mart, which is the Holiday Inn Express. You can buy the bedding or the bath collection and stuff here. Can you buy the mattresses? Oh, those padded mattresses. Those are the bedding collection. No, you can buy the sheet set. I've already got that. The duvet cover and sham.

I've got the towels. Yeah. Illegitately. Oh. Danny. Wait. Hello? I did change you to Danny Hudson on the tagline. Oh, nice. Thank you. Okay, hold on. I dig the propaganda on these set and rolls. Enjoy our exclusive cinnamon rolls at home. Until now, our rolls have only been available on the breakfast bar at Holiday Inn Express Hotels. Now, you can share the goodness of our cinnamon rolls with your family and friends, although you may be tempted to keep them all to yourself. Made from a special blend of premium ingredients, our rolls are the perfect combination of cinnamon swirled through the melt-in-your-mouth pastry and topped with just enough icing. Packaged in two trays of eight rolls each, please note that cinnamon rolls have an 11-day shelf life from the date of the shipment. And, boy, we here at Life in the Path really enjoy those rolls, don't we, guys? Yes. Okay, I'm going to take that snippet and send it to them. See if we can get some. Did you need a more emphatic yes? Yeah, I'll try to get it. Okay, ready? Packaged in two trays of eight rolls each, please note that cinnamon rolls have an 11-day shelf life from the date of shipment. And we here at Life in the Path really love those rolls, don't we, guys? Oh, yeah. Boy, howdy. They are good. Oh, man, they're the best. Gee, golly. My mom used to make cinnamon rolls, and they weren't even close to this quality. This is perfect. Send it. Anybody that doesn't like them is a slowjack.

Indeed. Hey, what did we try to call the come-and-go cup? The dusty. Oh, yeah. The dusty. The dusty. And the hat or what? Apparently, yes. That's going to sell them big. The dusty and the pipe or something? Yeah, the pipe. Give me a… Oh, yeah, the straw. The straw was the pipe. Yeah. And a cap was… It was a cap. Or was it a hat? It was the lid. Yeah, a cap, right? Yeah, but what was the ice called? It was called something else. Anyway, the dusty. With the cap and a pipe. Yeah, give me a dusty and a pipe, which is a glass of soda and a straw. I think it'll sell big. People give me a 25-ounce dust. There's still time to get in on the… You have to buy something from them, though. You have to have a receipt to enter online. Pants, we need more money spent. That's come-and-go. Anything from come-and-go? You have to have just a receipt? I don't know.

You have to be able to enter. Well, come on. Did you buy a fountain soda? If anyone's bought something from… I just entered everything in the computer last night. Sorry. Yeah, I did that for like a month, and then that was last month. This month hasn't gone well. I still have my receipt for my stupid battery, though. Did you return at the Lowe's yet? I have not. I haven't even taken it out yet. What was all that show for? You don't got anything. It was nothing. I got nothing. You're wasting our time. Actually, that… I know. It comes back to something, Mike, you were talking about, was about that, working on Sunday. So what's the… I guess, what's the thought on that? Because I do… I have noticed that I leave church, and sometimes you'll stop and eat somewhere, and obviously all those people are working on Sunday, and I seem to be supporting that lifestyle by choosing what's the rest of my blue-haired church friends. Maybe that's why we're not supposed to be doing anything on Sundays. I don't know. Like Old Testament style. You know what I mean? Yeah. Very strict. Because if we do, we're supporting other people who are… You know what I mean?

Yeah. I don't know. What's the thought, Daniel? Well, it is… It's difficult. I often will invite… …to church. But especially on Sunday, they're all like, yeah, I work on Sundays. Right. So it's kind of tough. But when we get to our two services, we'll be able to say, we'll come to the early service. True. There you go. Plus, I've heard… I've been a server and everything, and I've heard other servers talk about the Sunday… Cheap tips. Yeah. The Sunday crowd is the worst. I tend to give generously. It's like the rudest and bad tippers. And that's not good. That's a horrible reputation. Yeah. Yeah. If I wear my Pathway shirt, I make sure and I go up to 3%. You're really good. Here's an extra quarter. Put that dollar bill that looks like a hundi, but when you open up, it says, your worth would be worth eternally if you had Jesus. Sinner. I wanted the dollar. It's terrible. I always… I tend to overtip, because I don't know. When it's leaving my hands, money means nothing to me.

It's only later on in the month when I'll start to notice. Whatever. I'll give it to you. But unless I take the… So it hits you up early in the month. Yeah. If you're going to come… Like when I think I got big money, I'll be flying around everywhere. It's the 15th. Ben's got it. Mike's done that to me. If he catches me at the right time of the month, he's like, hey, Ben, can I have 20 bucks? I'm like, well, if I have 20 bucks, you can have it. Yeah, man. Me and the boy were walking around picking up dog poo with my old man, and it was like 7.30 in the morning. I knew Ben hadn't left for work yet, and I called him, and I said, hey, man, me and the boy need 20 bucks for breakfast and lunch. He said, well, okay. I'll meet you at getting going. I'll do it. If it's the 29th… He showed up. Yeah. Actually, what's the date today? 24th. If it's the 24th, you're probably getting a little bit too long. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a rough month. Yeah, I'm already out. I'm like, I got my mom bringing dinner over tomorrow. Put a hold on those cinnamon rolls. What was I thinking? Oh, oh, but if I'm leaving church and I'm wearing the, I'm trying to think of an equivalent

name, the Jared Roy sticker, then I will be rude to the waitstaff. That way they think Jared Roy is a terrible person. Jared, I only do that like a couple times, dude. Don't worry about it. Do not go to the, what's the, the Golden Corral. Or the Red Robin. Yeah. Yum. Hey, hey, the Red Robin sounds like the Green Giant. Listen, listen to the two. Ready? Red Robin. Yum. Green Giant. Red Robin. Green Giant. Yeah, there's a ho, ho, ho. That's the same thing. Ho, ho, ho. Red Robin. Yum. You combine the whole thing. Is there really an IHateBen.com? Jared Roy, use keys. It's yours, not .biz. Oh, it's for sale. Oh, no, somebody does own it. Bummer. Bummer. I think her name is Amanda. Hey, man, Olsen stole the J. Roy sticker. Olsen, Olsen, did you go somewhere and make a slow jack out of yourself at the Golden Corral with the Jared Roy sticker on? Because that's awesome. I'm waiting.

What? Are we still waiting? I don't know. No, he's not saying. Okay. He's not saying where he's doing or not. I just checked. Have you ever played checkers or chess out in the park? Oh, what do you mean your wife would have? No. Olsen. No. Olsen's wife said that she wouldn't allow him to make a slow jack out of himself with the Jared Roy sticker on. Now, did she specifically say that? Like, did you propose it to her? You can't propose it to her, Olsen. You're amateur. Like, hey, wife. If you're going to try to make a slow jack out of yourself, you've got to just do it and wait for her to stop you because, and it depends. If you have children, women, this doesn't bother us much because they don't mind embarrassing themselves in front of everywhere, stopping their kids from doing whatever naughty thing they're up to. True. But, like, prior to the children, women tend to get embarrassed for even having to, like, reprimand you publicly. Yeah. Like, Ben, stop it. Ben, stop it. Stop it. Right? You know what I'm saying? Because if they call you out, now they've brought attention to the situation. So now's the time to get rid of it.

Don't propose it, Olsen. Just go for it. I agree with that. Yeah. Okay, sorry. You know, I was wondering why this, why, like, I'm very upset on the culture that's taken such an anti-spanking stance. Like, I feel that spanking in public is the way to go, and then time out at home. Because I have time to wait it out at home. You know, it's not a big deal. They're acting up, causing a stink, pooping into bed or whatever, tearing curtains down. We don't, she doesn't get in trouble for pooping in the bed. But it is upsetting. Right. But anyway, if they're acting up crazy style in public, I need swift action. I need this to stop directing. But at home, I can wait it out. My dad even, but he did the, he used the wait out in public. We'd be at a restaurant, and me and my brother, he's a little less than two years older than me, so we were both pretty close in age, you know, I don't know, picking on each other type of thing when we were young. And we'd be at a restaurant. We could have just ordered or just be getting our food. It didn't matter. If we were, if we didn't stop when he said stop, he would always bring a book in the car because we were going in the car, and we'd sit there until mom and the other one was done eating. Like, like, there's, I mean, unless we were, if we got out there and we were behaving again, we might go back in. But there was times where we missed the whole meal, and he was prepared to not eat. And I'm like, well, you better box it up. That's cool. We're going to be in the car. And then, you know, you learn fast enough, I don't want to go sit in the car. Like, it's not like, it's not a threat.

It's not like, well, I know we're going to be there five minutes, and I'll, you know, we'll be back in, I'll be eating my food. Oh, dude, you know, you're hungry. Follow through is the big thing. Yeah, yeah, that's, I think, what you're missing is the parents who say, hey, you know, if you do this, these are the consequences, and have them, like, legitimate consequences. And then who actually do it as opposed to, now, I'm going to tell you one more time. Kids know exactly how many more times they got. Because we have trouble at home getting Jaden to eat his dinner. And he'll sit there and cry and everything. And part of it is, like, we sometimes just get irritated. So we're like, I don't want to hear anymore. So you almost, like, give in because you're like, just go do something else because I want to eat, I'm off, you know, I'm off work, I want to have a conversation, or just, you know, I don't want to hear it. So, like, you, so sometimes you just, you let it, you let him get by with it and win. And I know, and, like, it's the wrong thing to do. Yeah, they know, they know. Because you're letting him in off for the wrong reason because I just don't want to deal with it right now. But it's the choice you're making. But then, on the other hand, it's like, we're trying to, like, tonight we had a battle. And so we kept putting him, we kept putting him upstairs and say, if you're not going to eat, then you're going to your room. And then he tried to come back down, but not to eat. And so we kept putting him back up. And then finally, we actually took the plate up to him and tried to explain to him, he's old enough now where we can actually explain, hey, we need you to do what mommy and daddy says that you need to do. And, you know, even if you don't like it, you know, this is what you need to do. And he ate. But, I mean, it's not like we won. I mean, I'm sure this is going to keep happening until, like, but you really have to, like, almost break them to the point where now they will finally listen because we haven't really done that.

So we, like, we push it. And I want him to just, like, agree and then finally just go, okay, I'll eat. You know, so, like, you keep threatening. And then, but I don't really want to have to follow through with it. I just want him to go, all right, I'll do it now. And then, oh, we're all good. We can be a family again, you know. You know, I think that's where the big thing comes in is if you're going to say that you're going to do something, be prepared to do it. And the thing is you can't get mad at the punishment. Like, you said, here's the consequence. And then when it happened, that's the consequence that happened. Like, for your kid, you gave them a consequence and then, you know, you paid it off. And that should be the thing. If you do that and then you're angry about it and you hold it, like, that's where it starts getting to be a problem. It has to be a conscious choice that they made. Like, I did this fully knowing what the consequences were. And then they learn. And they learn if you don't give them the consequences. And that's huge when they're young, they learn. Because then when they become teenagers, when they're teens, that's huge. Yeah. That's where they either have learned to respect or to not respect you. And you can see that a lot. And it's amazing with little kids. I mean, like, how you underestimate them. And they're smarter, faster than you think they are. Oh, yeah. And, yeah, you know, they know what's going on. And you know to a certain extent that they, you know, you know they're old enough. They're pulling some things on you. But sometimes you don't realize how much they really get the situation. They know exactly. How much they know when they're winning and what they can get by with.

They know when your tone of voice changes, if that really is the last time. Exactly, yeah. I mean, they know it all. They figure it out pretty quick. Like, if you're not going to eat, at least be quiet. Go not eat somewhere else. Actually, I don't mind doing that. Like, you know, if you're through, you know, a couple rounds of, hey, man, take it easy. We're trying to eat here. And then, you know, the kids are still running. They say, look, if you keep that up, you just have to go to your room. I don't care if you keep doing it, really. You can cry all night for all I care. But you're not doing it in here because you're literally going to take me. And to the extent, it's like, your choice. If that's what you want to do, take it to your room. And then, you know, you're half an hour in and maybe my wife goes, she's just sitting in there crying. I was like, what? She stopped crying. She came out. It was his choice. She walked in there. And we'll do it on purpose. Or, like, she'll do it willfully. So, like, if you're going to keep crying in your room, she gets up out of her chair and runs to her room. Yeah. Okay, I'm going to go in here crying. That's your decision. Yep. It was funny, though, when we finally, he was sitting up on the stairs. And so, she went and got the food and brought it over to him. And I said, oh, now you're accommodating him. Now you're bringing the food to him. Save me. Well, it's funny because then you get down to it.

It's like, well, is the point here to get him to eat or is the point here to get him to behave how we are expecting him to behave? And it's kind of two in one. But you're thinking, well, which is the battle here, the eating of the food tonight or the behavioral part of it? But so, anyways, we brought the food up and he started eating and he was doing good. And then we got to a point where he still needed to take a couple more bites and he didn't want to take any more. So, then he started crying again and went to his room himself. And he was like, now he chose on his own, I'd rather go cry in my room than have to eat anymore. Yeah. So, it's kind of funny, though, because, you know, at first we sent him up and he's crying. He doesn't want to be up there. And I was like, no, I'm done with this food. I'll just go cry in my room now. I don't want any more. I'm happy. You're happy. Yeah. Actually, we've had that. We've actually had that conversation recently in our house when it has to do with the consequences of punishment. Except, I don't know if you remember when we were little. My mom was the king of holding something over you. Like, let's say you were going to go to, I don't know, the amusement park or something, you know, within three days. Yeah. Everything you did for the next three days had that amusement park dangling over. You know, you didn't put the lid on the peanut butter correctly. Maybe you don't get to go to the amusement park. Yeah. You know, you forget to pet the dog twice. Maybe you don't go to the amusement park. But I hate about October when parents are saying, Santa's not going to come. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Like, oh, come on. Stop that. Poor kid's like, oh, my green beans. Santa has always been.

You don't have to respect me, but the mythical fat jolly man, he's not going to bring you gifts. Respect that guy. He's watching you. Sounds creepy. Yeah. What? What are you doing over there? I mean. You look like you're doing origami, but really. It's a sombrero. Let me see. I've been working on it. Put it on. Actually, that does look pretty cool. Yeah. I mean, that's not bad. So me and the child were discussing sombreros for something this week, and I looked up a sombrero on the internet, you know, Google-style images. You know, I figured, well, you know, I say, you want to see a sombrero? She's like, yeah, sombrero. You know, she wasn't saying it right, but anyway. So we look up, and there's. Wait a minute. So how did you. You just made it sound like. She was saying sombrero. Oh. Like the pizza joint. Okay. But anyway, she straightened it out. She got it straightened out. Well, I had her say something else today that she fouled up. Oh, she was trying to sing Gypsies, Tramps, and Thieves by Cher, and was not doing it correctly. She likes to take a stab at random dudes.

Have you never heard that song? Cher? Yeah. Anyway. She was taking a stab at singing it, because she likes to sing it. Anyway, she screwed it way up. But anyway, I looked up. I Googled a sombrero, and they don't have a picture of a non-sworthy-looking dude wearing a sombrero. Like, every dude is like, just totally, it just looks like the back alley, you know, used donkey dealer. At, you know, like. I've met him. It's terrible. You want the burro? It is. I mean, just. It's awful. I don't know. I was so shocked by it. Like, I looked at him like, this is a sombrero. This is a scary man. It's not a sombrero. Stay away from them. He's going to start pointing at people. Sombrero. Freaky, you know. Here you go, Dan. I was born in a wagon of a traveling show. My mama used to dance for the money. I've heard that. Grandpa, do what I mean? How about, you know. I've got you, babe. I know that one.

I know that one. Sonny and Sharon. It's not part of the story. Oh, that's the actual song she was singing. I couldn't have told you that was talking about. Tramps and teasers. Oh, yeah, yeah. I assume it was very, very controversial back in the day. But it happened to me. That's nothing now. It was on the oldie station. Hey, here's a song that has the word sombrero in it. It's, well, wait a minute. Can you find a song that has sabaro in it? I wonder if this is actually Spanish. So it says, Diete el sombrero puesto, which I think is, you can leave your hat on, by Joe Cocker. But I wonder if it's done by a Mexican guy. Jose Cocker? Let's see. Those aren't real horns. That stinks. Let's try it. Here we go. Oh. Hey, man, just leave that out for the rest of the show. Con el sombrero de helado. I dig it. Okay. I need some chips and salsa. Yeah, I do. Absolutely.

Hey, man, this song is way awesome. It's funky. It's like, Hey, hey, let's say you found yourself in Mexico. Awkwardly, with a group of people who decided to go out to a Mexican establishment and they were playing this tune right here and you were obliged to do some sort of dance with it. What would you do? Hold on. Get it. Yeah, I gotta get it. That's more like a, yeah, that's kind of like a chicken thing. Dan? I would go with that. There you go. That's a wrist roll. That's a traditional woman dance. Yeah, I realize. That's what I went with. You asked a question, I answered. What do you want from this? This is true. I'm going to my room. It's from my heart. Dan, do you do any dancing, Daniel? I really don't. When was the last time you went dancing?

I've danced with my wife once. At your wedding? No, we didn't have a dance. You didn't do any dancing? Actually, I didn't either. That stuff costs money. It was at a church thing. What? It's a dollar dance. They give you money to dance. You've got to hire someone to play music. Do you own a speaker? I do it on the cheap. At the time, no. I DJ'd my own wedding. Did you? Yeah, I did the same thing. Actually, I put it up. We put music on for 20 minutes and me and my wife left. Isn't it too boring for you? Yeah. It was a jerk. I mean, honestly. We had nuts and cake and punch down in the church basement. A bunch of 70-year-old ladies. They're all going, Why don't you open the gifts? And I'm going, I got other plans. I've been waiting a long time for this. Oh, no. Go ahead and open your gifts.

We want to watch. I'm like, I'll show you pictures later. Wait, we open the gifts. Of the gifts. Pants? Pants, are you still on? I want to see your Mexican dance. I do a little side-to-side action. It's going to be… Wait, wait. Zach, that's awesome. Okay, go ahead. Yeah, that's way cooler. That looks like you're playing a small ukulele. I'm going to do that one. That's almost got a Hawaiian feel to it. You're not doing it right. That's true. It might be in the wrong… You look like a… That was… That was like a creep. That looks like the maniac tickler. Or like the too friendly guy from the Thriller video. Yeah. The guy's going, I told you not to cast him. Put him in the back. You know, I don't know who comes up with these dances.

You know what I'm saying? Like before Thriller was popular, who thought, we should do this? You know, I mean, the airplane director, what is… I mean, who thought… That'd be a great idea. I just don't… You look at some of the dances, like some people look at dance and they go, wow, that's beautiful. And I'm like, wow, you just look ridiculous. That's ridiculous. If it's anything but a walk and a wave, you know, apart from that, you're making it up. Well, that's true. That would be pretty boring. I'm going to go see this concert. They just walk and wave. I'd do that. What's I've got to do with it? Do you have I Can't Dance by Phil Collins? Yeah. Do it. Cue it up.

It's got to be there. That's the show. Eight dudes walking around in a circle, walking by the audience. Right back in. That'd be terrible. Yeah. Yeah. That's fun, man. You know this one? Not yet. This is a fun game. Does Dan know this one? I know nothing. It's not bad, too. Sean used to have tons of fun with me because he's Mr. DJ. He knew everything, you know, and I'm like, yeah, I got it. Second chapter of Vax, I got that. Yeah. I got the important things. Late 70s. Early Amy Grant. I'm there. I was at Michael W. Smith's first concert. Early Amy Grant. Were you? Well, yeah, I mean.

You're kind of a big deal. Yeah. I made a Sandy Patty stop in the middle of a song once. Yeah, I heard that. I was in the front row. That was like our first official date, Cheryl and I. What did you do? I bought like 10 tickets in the front row and I sold them to my friends. I mean, at price, I didn't make any money. And I figured it was easier to ask Cheryl out if I was inviting nine other people. Yeah, that's true. Don't worry, it's me and others. I know I'm kind of creepy. Check this out. But this guy's creepy too. We'll dance. There will be some of this. Yeah. I did some little kick thing we were sitting down. Isn't that how they do like the neck thing? He's actually got it pretty good.

You see that move that they do where like one foot's nailed to the floor and they're going in a circle? That's what the head's on. It's like the very compromised chicken. One day I can't dance back. I mean, it's good too. We're going to need it. We're going to come up with an act. Yeah. Cheryl told me the other day like his, his, he died like almost a year ago. No. She says like in June or something. That's like six months ago. I was thinking that was what, January, February? Almost a year. And she knows because it was about the same time her dad died, same time of year. So it was like June. Wow, that's crazy. You're going to start hitting the news.

They'll probably have some new CD out and everything, I'll bet. I know. They keep coming out with long after they're gone. Yeah. Like Tupac. That's when my CDs are going to come out. My dance CDs. Dan, do you recognize this right here? If Jay can pick it out in the back of the past. I don't even know what it is. Yeah, I can't. Dan, anything? Is this Amy Grant? No. Striper. I'll send a new Striper. Farrell and Farrell. Farrell and Farrell. You know all the 11-year-old kids think they know everything about 70s rock bands and everything because they play the rock band guitar hero.

Yeah, man. You're like, I don't even know. It wasn't even my time. That's definitely not your time. I mean, come on. You don't know anything about this music. The kid's like, hey, I know Mississippi Queen on the guitar. I'm like, cool. He's like, it's red, red, yellow, green. Yeah, yeah. Exactly. Red, red, yellow, green. I'll tell you, that makes you feel like you can do something. I think the only one that actually could translate maybe to legitimate instrument is the drums. Hit me. I think it's just the guy in the bass. This is terrible. Hold on. I thought that was a real guy. It was going somewhere. That's like the dude

that did, what's that police song? That's a live version. Wait. Is that cowbell? Need more cowbell. This is awesome. That's it. You know Grace knows this tune? Oh, really? Yeah. She goes, this is in the queen. It's classic. Your daughter knows a bunch of cool tunes. I know. She knows all kinds of songs. Just get rid of that pooping in the bed. She's rocking it. She sings up there by herself too. You can tell when she's done it. That's how you know. Because usually she takes like a two, three hour nap. She takes like an hour and a half nap and is up there singing a tune. She done pooped in that crib. She's up there singing.

She's very happy. She doesn't have a bed yet? No, she sleeps in the crib. Yeah? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm glad too because she'd be ruining the bed by now. Yeah, that's true. Pooping in the bed is no good. There's got to be a solution. I think we'll just have to put jeans on her. I think that's the deal. I think that was the request. The whole onesie thing. I'm pretty sure she can unsnap that. She completely undresses herself in there. She's smart for that. Onesie with safety pins. Hey, that sounds dangerous. Okay, now. Okay, ready? Okay. We're ready. You coming up with a slow jack? I braced. So take some of the poo, get it together, and then put a bunch of worms

and locusts and stuff in it, and then show it to her so that she gets freaked out. Poo. This will never want to let it out. No, you're out because she loves bugs. She picked up a gardener snake last week. What? She tried to play with a pet ant she found in the house and drowned it in the bathtub, asked what had happened to it, and I said, it lives in the drain. You better let it go back. So she held on to it until the bathtub was done, and she let it go down the drain. So now she thinks the ants live in drains. She tries to pick them up and haul them back to the bathtub. So now, I'm going to come back home and there's going to be 75 ants in the tub. What lies do you tell your kids because it's easier that way? You know, I'll tell them something's icky or gone or, you know,

whatever, just because it… I tried to lie to Emma about the fish that died. Like I said, well, you know, we need to send it back home or something like that, and she's like, the fish is dead. Let's eat it. That's awesome. Like, you're two and a half. What do you want to cook that fish for? Yeah, I'll tell him. He'll see some candy and I'll tell him it's all gone and he can see half the thing in there and he'll be like, no, that's all gone. There's no one there. Like, what? Let's eat it. That's good. She also said we're going to eat the dogs when they die. Like, she kind of skewed the concept. She's like, well, won't we be sad when Abby or Daisy dies? What's the dog's name? She's like, we'll have to eat them. We're supposed to eat them

when they die. I'm like, that's creepy. I like her style. I miss that fish, actually. I'm surrounded by estrogen in my house. Like, it's me and then my wife, my two daughters, and the two dogs. All ladies. The only fish, the only other dude in the house was the fish and his name was Dorothy. Ooh. For Elmo? Yeah. Kind of a confused fish. Yep. I know that on my own, not because of my kid. I like Elmo. I do watch. Elmo. The kids went to that Sesame Street Live that was in town recently. Elmo Goes Green. Is that what it was? Yeah. It's a whole agenda. Dan, get started on this. I said I wouldn't have gone just from the title.

I'm telling you, yeah, it was Elmo Goes Green. Like, I don't need my kid, you know. I would have came in with water bottles and everything that just was under the earth. Take that. I'm sure they love it, though. Hand spray bottles. Yeah. Well, apparently, the Count was scary. Or he wasn't really scary. My daughter was just afraid of it. Like the Count Chocula guy? You see what's happened to him lately? No. You remember the old happy Count Chocula dude that was on the box? No longer. Scary Count Chocula. Really? I stopped buying it two years ago because of the box change. Wow. They changed to the Scary Count Chocula that I no longer purchased it. That's the wife. I've stuck to it, too.

Check him out. Terrible. Frankenberry, just as scary. Frankenberry looks all right. So the thing is, I actually agree with most of the green stuff, but I can't do it because of the whole politics behind it. It's just like… That's what the whole… And this probably just sounds wrong to say it, but the whole breast cancer awareness thing, just like… They just shove it down your throat and everything is a pink. I mean, you've got the whole… Because it's a whole month. You know? And that's fine. But it's like everything you buy is pink and even things… I read this article about it and they were talking about even products

that in some ways cause breast cancer. Oh, no. Yeah. Or like doing this whole… You buy us. Buy this. Yeah. And it's just like, you know… I feel like you're commercializing a true issue that should need help and care. Yeah, absolutely. And I know like ultimately it's, you know… Well, you assume they have their best interest in mind. Like they're really helping and their money goes to it and all that stuff. But it's like… They're jumping on the bandwagon. Yeah, you're selling products. I mean, it's… I'm so skeptical. Get off me with that, you know? Yeah. What drives me crazy is like some of the government ads that are running right now like on the radio and stuff

telling kids to tell on everybody, you know? If you see someone stealing something, tell the teacher. Or I don't know. It's all a bunch of junk. I mean, it's… And it's real too, but I'm thinking, where's your mom and dad telling you, oh, watch your cell phone? You know? I mean, it's… You know what I'm talking about? Have you seen… Heard any of those? I haven't, but… You talk about taking your electronics to school or whatever? Yeah, just everything like, lock everything up and don't forget… I don't know. I can't even tell you what they say because I kind of tune them out. They're being the parent? Yeah, they're being the parent. I'm like, oh, they're that stupid.

Maybe they need to learn, you know? Actually, that was one of the things I remember having watched… I don't know if you remember, but prior to when he was elected, Obama had a big gathering where he had those like Coliseum pillars and stuff. You know that? The whole event was really cheesy. But he actually… He nailed something in that speech, which they're not really following through with from a government angle because they shouldn't be doing anything, but it had to do with… I found myself in very strong agreement with him, and it had to do with, you know, the government shouldn't be parenting your kids. You need to be taking care of your own kids. And the thing is, is that's kind of true for the government as a whole.

A lot of times we look at the government and we say, look, you know, the government's trying to shove their way into your lives, and it's true in a lot of respects, but a lot of times as people, we've left them open to do that by not really handling our own things. Like, the government has to keep building prisons because people aren't handling their own affairs correctly, right? They're raising children who are vandalizing things and biting people. Right, right. You know, so… Breaking bottles. Exactly. Vandals. Stealing embroidery. Lock them up. What was it again? I keep saying… Iron-on patches. Just iron-on. I did not mess

with embroidery. Kilts. Kilts. Sew some kilts together. Girls underwear. What was that waterbed commercial Big Sur? Remember that guy? Oh, Big Sur, yeah. How would that theme song go? Google it. Google it. No. You're making a note. Sir. You're thinking Big John's Auto Sales. Big John's. It had a whoosh to it. Yeah, it had a little… Let's say the Big Sur company was trying to resurrect their image and they came to Mike Foost today and said, Mike Foost, you have eight seconds to come up with an ad You do need a job, so this is it. For Big Sur. Yeah, this is your chance.

I'm giving you eight starting now. There's four. And you're on. Big Sur, the best waterbeds, that's for sure. Big Sur. Waterbeds. You gonna buy one or what? That is a tune that you would just get caught in your head and you'd hate it, but… Big Sur. Sign me up. You can't remember. Waterbeds, that's for sure. Big Sur. And then you could cut it into this kid tricycling down the street and then the camera shifts and all you see is the neck down of someone standing checking their mail and he's like, hey, Big Sur. Hey, little buddy. And then he's like, hey, what are you doing today?

Checking my mail to see if I've gotten more specials on a cool soft waterbed from Big Sur. And then a crowd of neighbors comes by and they go, Big Sur, that's for sure. You're not on my advertising team. You're stupid. Hey, little buddy. I'll tell you what I hate. I'm gonna tell you the number one pet peeve of mine with local businesses when they put their stupid kids on a commercial. I can't understand that. And they can't talk right. And they always pick the kid. They're scared. They're not used to it. Yeah, he's missing a tooth. Yeah. You know, and there's always some kind of xylophone. I don't blame the kid because he's at an awkward stage and he can't read all the thing and he, you know. But like, don't. That's how much

we're tired of this crap. That's enough. Big Mike's faulty. Faulty Mike. Yeah, faulty Mike. Mike, Mike, Mike. Same word. But you know, they're scared to death. They're like nervous. They're like, oh, I'm putting the advertisement on for dad, you know. And they're like, bye from daddy. You were on a commercial? Well, it wasn't as much a commercial as a happy holidays from how come dry. It was my dad owned a carpet cleaning business and I was probably four or something. And I was cute though, so, you know, I'd be on there. Is that when you first had aspects that Hollywood would be a calling and you were willing to compromise on your name and stature? Yeah, that was it. Yeah.

Zach Douglas, that's me. Whatever's easier for you. I grew up in Topeka. I was in a hungry, hungry hobo ad my senior year in high school. Nice. It was like, I can't remember how we did it. It was some class of ours and all we did was all like go toward the sandwich like we were hungry. I mean, it was like. Which was legitimate. It was like. Yeah. It would have been about that time. Ben and I were like, I don't know, six or seven. You know, we're obviously twins, you know. And so, my mom shoves us down to the Hy-Vee on Euclid and they're doing tryouts for the Diet Pepsi. You got the right one, baby. Oh, nice. So, mom shovels us down there

thinking that we're going to win. Oh, yeah. So, here we are in matching blue polos and khakis. Nice. You know, missing three teeth, dorkies all get out. And, I mean, glasses this big. I mean, we would have been blinded forever. You got the right one, baby. Uh-huh. You know, and actually, it was probably mildly offensive because you're trying to do the, you got a bunch of five-year-olds trying to do the Ray Charles, right? So, your head's just bobbing around. I mean, if Ray were there and he could see it. I would always do the Yonkers advertisement impersonation and because I always, I couldn't say my R's, right?

You know, just a little kid kind of talking. I'd go, it was at the time, wrap it up at Yonkers. And then you got to do this thing. I love it. And so, they would always make me go around and do, you know, do the thing. Okay. I'm embarrassed for you right now. Bring it back. Cheryl and I did a radio ad in Atlantic for some jewelry store. I can't remember what it was. We had some thing, it was kind of cool going into the studio and we're like, it's supposed to be this married couple, which of course we were. So, it worked pretty well for us. Would you have done it if you were portraying an unmarried couple?

Yeah. Depends on how far we were going. I can't listen to it on the radio. Yeah. Please buy your jewelry from John's Jewelry Store. Now, make sure she's, you know, following the right biblical path. That's right. Make that woman honest and marry her. All right. Stop it. Stop touching her. Get over it. Buy this ring so you can touch her. Get over it. Do the right thing. Yeah. You guys should go in business together. You got an advertising jingle. You got your thing? All right, everybody. We have maxed our time out. It's 12-01. We've wandered into Tuesday inappropriately. You've been listening to

Live from the Path. Thanks so much for listening. We really appreciate you spending your time both on the chat and watching the video and stuff. Remember, you can catch archive shows at livefromthepath.org. Also, we all attend Pathway Church in Johnston, Iowa. Well, we meet at Wallace Elementary currently at 10 a.m., switching to two services in September so you can make both. Attend one, serve one. You're good. All right. That's why I didn't make the big dollar and get the most cookies. Yes. So we are… Two left? Two left. No, three or four.

I had the rest of them. Okay. Anyway, so if you're looking for a church family, we'd love to see you out. More importantly, if you're looking for a relationship with Jesus Christ, if there's anything on the show that has sent you in the wrong direction, continue to pray for us. We'll pray for you and you can send us an email at info at lifefromthepath.org. We will see you next week. Thanks so much for listening. Then came the day at the bottom of the mine when a timber cracked and men started crying. Miners were praying and hearts beat fast and everybody thought that they'd breathed their last self-jump. Through the dust and the smoke of this man-made hell walked a giant of a man that the miners knew well,

grabbed a sagging timber and gave out with a groan and like a giant oak tree just stood there alone big jump. Big jump! Big jump! Big bad jump! Big jump! And with all of his strength he gave a mighty shove then a miner yelled out there's a light up above and twenty men scramble from a would-be grave and now there's only one left down there to save big jump. With jacks and timbers they started back down then came that grumble way down in the ground and the smoke and gas belched out of that mine everybody knew it was the end of the line for big jump. Big jump! Big jump! Big bad jump! Big jump! Now they never reopened that worthless pit they just placed a marble stand

in front of it. These few words are written on that stand At the bottom of this mine lies one hell of a man Big jump! Big jump! Big jump! Big bad jump! Big jump! What a glorious day! Big jump! Big jump! Big jump! Thank you.