Live from the Pathway Studios in Johnston Proper. You are live from the path. And you're listening to live from the Pathway of the the Pathway Studios here in Johnston Proper.

What is he? Well, hey. Hey. Oh, well, hey. Hey. How's it going? Yeah. I know. I'm doing alright. Don't bend don't meddle in my affairs, bud. I'm I'm asking our listeners. Stay out. It's getting really personal. Stay out of my business. You've looked me. I'm asking our listeners how they're doing, Yeah. I mean, what a what a shallow what a shallow interaction. You know they can't answer. They

can find me on the Facebook. That's like talking to your neighbors. You drive away. Among the people that have liked live from the past. Thank you very much. That's like saying it. Let me know if I can help knowing no one ever lets you know Yeah. If they can help. Yeah. That's true. Yeah. Because it's a vague enough thing. What I was just trying Let me let me know. I'll do anything. Yeah. I would I know you won't ask. You've known me for, like, twenty years. Come on, man. Would go to the insanity earth for you. I I've had people in my life say, hey. Anything. Really? Let us know. And we let them know. They're like, oh, not that. No. I can't do that.

Well, that's not what I'm saying here. Oh, no. If I say, what's up? How's it going? If somebody actually wants to strike up a conversation, I'm a go, great. Let's talk. You tell me if they do that. We lost our live line, though. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's true. It'll be on the complaint line in two weeks. Yeah. That's that's right. Hey. Hey, boo boo. Doing pretty good. Awesome. Thanks. How are you? Thanks, bud. It's gonna take eight months to have a whole conversation.

Yes. Three years an atheist will answer. That's a stupid question. Here we go. Gonna Did you pray about that? Alright. Fine. Prayer doesn't work. Oh, man. Here's what's going on the show tonight. Hey. There are a couple articles I wanted to catch up on. There's this says black men who attend church frequently are more likely to be obese. What? And I was surprised. Black only black? That's what he said. Anyway, we'll check it out. I must have a lot of You might be drawing some correlations that aren't actually there. I didn't write the article.

That's why I said guys, not Ben. Well, you don't know it was written by a dude? Okay. What the hell? Gosh. It's a it's a rough night for Boomer. Corner? I'm I'm just gonna hang out. I'll I didn't know you were gonna act this way. Otherwise, I would have prepared myself. Also,

there is there was a a report out by Christianity Today. Says, in Christ alone, most believers say they don't need others for discipleship. Wait. Say it again. What? It said, most believers say they don't need others for discipleship. Right. Okay. There's a, you know That's the American church? Yeah. Anyway, we're gonna we're gonna get their thoughts on it. Also,

I heard tell here's here's the thing that happened. You sure now? You want me to talk about it? Here was the thing that happened to me. I was in an Iowa Cubs game recently and there was the guy that takes the hot dog cannon. You don't talk about hot dog cannon? You think I don't know about a hot dog cannon? Yeah. So, anyway, hot dog cannon. My and my daughter catches one. It was her birthday. We took her out there for her birthday. She caught this she caught this thing for the hot dog cannon. And so she brings it back, and she starts opening it up. And there's, like, 15 layers of foil on this thing to try to keep it warm. I was gonna ask if the hot dog was hot. Here's the deal. I'm pretty sure they package those at 2PM, and they don't fire them out to cannon till 08:30. Oh. So they put, like, eight, you know, eight, ten rows of aluminum foil to try to keep this thing warm, and it was not effective. It was a lukewarm hot dog. Anyway, she's super excited about it. She's showing her around, and no one's freaking looking. No one's paying any attention at all to her. She's showing this hot dog around, and they're like Like, the strangers or or people? Yeah. Yeah. Like, hey. Check us out. Hey. I found the hot dog or whatever. And, like, everyone's staring off at something else. And, like, I thought what the heck is going on over there? And so I I kinda walked over this group of people. They're all staring at this one direction. And I said, what is going on in here? And they said, hey. The pope's in town.

Woah. I said, I had no idea. The pope has been around. And they they gave the address of where the pope was, and I said, I'll be doggone it. That sounds like Buva's place. And so, anyway, they became convinced that Buva's the pope. Hello. The pope. And so, the only way to get rid of only way to get him off from harassing Buva's multiplex here is to give some sort of advice like the pope would do. And so Buva's on the hook for some pope style advice tonight. Every time I wanna get invested in those stories, because I'm like, oh, man. This sounds great. But then, like, fifteen seconds in, I'm like It's going wasted fifteen seconds. This a lie. This is a set up workshop.

Man. Anyway, that's what I heard tales going on. So Sweet. Sounds very elaborate. And then we got some get some advice on dear life from the past just to to clean up your life. Hey. Hey. I I took my my daughter to dental school this this past week. It was a family day. They they have a a a full time counselor for dental students. Yeah. Really? Full time. That's like the last four years. Because and there's there's like a, you know, student panel and then and they kinda, you know, tell their story. These are all like you know, they always hear cream of the cup. It's like the cream of the cream of the crop. This is like like all these super overachievers,

you know, there's a thousand people trying to get in and they they select 80. So it's, they take they're just Right. They've never failed at anything in their life, any of these people. Right? Right. And they say, every one of you will fail. That's just that's dental school. You will fail something. Oh, no. Now there's a ninety eight percent graduation rate, but you will fail. I mean, they are they are Wow. I mean, you will hit a wall, and everybody thinks, oh, no. That's other people, not me. And and so they they had to hire a counselor four years ago. Full time counselor who is busy. I'm gonna say. Even though they set the expectations of you will fail, they simply They still don't blame it's like because they think us other people. K. I've I've been all around because they they're they're used to just like, yeah. Everybody says that and I don't fail. Right. Exactly. Yeah. It was like They're a part of the 2% that ever fails. They will fail. Boy. That freaks me out about going to the dentist now because I think this guy fails. Yeah. You say, yeah. I'm gonna ask my dentist, hey. What did you fail? Yeah.

The thing is then they also bend over backwards to help them succeed, but they have to fail first. That's true. You gotta you gotta recognize you got the failability. I totally kinda dig on. It it just kinda though what what blew me away was I'm thinking, how many generations have peep people throughout history have become dentists without a counselor? Why do we suddenly need a counselor? And, honestly, she said they have therapy puppies. Of course, they do. I'm like Welcome to 2019. Things have changed. Yeah. You've got I I don't even know what to think about that other than like, I guess cool. I mean, I I dig on the concept of of needing to learn how to fail. I think that's great. I think it's kinda sad that we do have to have a counselor for that. Like, you Yeah. You are shattered so much by failure. Like, you can't come to group and need to have a full there. It was just it's fascinating. Yeah. And and the students were like, oh, yeah. Yeah. She's a she's a rock star. I say this is someone who goes to counseling, by the way, so I'm not condemning counseling. Oh, I love counseling. I mean Yeah. It's great. I think it's a wonderful tool, so please don't take it that way. But, like, yeah, I agree with you. That is interesting that they have to have someone there full time for that Yeah. Now versus the last, you know, how many years of dentistry. Yeah.

Yeah. Thousand years of dentistry, but then I thought that's probably not right. Boy, that is that is super interesting. I mean, I suppose it is something like, it's certainly helpful to have around, like, a situation that you don't know how to deal with. Failure being one of them. Right. If you're just not used to failing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. One guy was like he he finally, after a while, went to the to get help. He said, I I'm just I'm just I'm I'm I'm not gonna make it. And and they're like, oh, dude, you're not even on the radar. You're fine. And he was, like, totally failing everything. Wow. Okay. And then, like, two two students down in the panel, the guy goes, yeah, was on the radar. Yeah. Yeah. I was there. Hey. You know, actually, that it's interesting that you brought that up, Dan, because I was thinking about that this week. Is that, like, one of the things that is very prevalent in our culture is is kind of the affirming the reality of people's experiences, which which I I think there is I think there's an understanding of. Like, people do take in the world differently. Like, various groups of people, they take in the room different. Okay. So, like,

reality is is subjective to a certain extent, not because of what occurred, but but how people process it. Right? How they take it in. However, the the risk to that is completely affirming. This is where the we get the phrase your truths. Right? Hey. I wanna speak my my truth. Right? Like, as as if there isn't

a non subjective, an objective reality Right. In front of you. And so, again, we can we can recognize that there's subjectivity to how people take things in, how they process, how their past is informed, how they take it in or recognize situations or whatever, without otherwise denying that there's an objectivity to it. And and and also that there is not a an understanding of oh, I'm gonna say that I'm I'm not finding the right words for it. Of relativity to the problems that you're having. Right? Like, because there's on on one hand, if someone's going through a rough time, you say, look, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's that's certainly rough. I acknowledge that that this is feeling really heavy on you. However,

there are worse things, relatively speaking. Right. This isn't the worst thing or or other people have gone through similar things. And so this can't be this this can't be the end the end of everything. Right? This can't be, like, the darkest moment. Like, other other other folks have been able to kind of interact with this thing or that thing. So, anyway, what I was thinking about is that, like, it is a there's a risk in not doing either one of those things. There's a risk in not recognizing that there's a uniqueness to how people take in the world and how how things are informed to what makes what makes them subjective.

But also, like, I don't think you're taking that away from them to otherwise bring objectivity to the discussion as well and say, look, just for perspective, there there's something bigger than whatever it is that you're facing. Right. But, anyway, I it's interesting you say that because, like, I think there is there is a thought of, hey, this is actually this is wrecking me. This thing is causing me all kinds of trouble. And for people who see kind of the wide gamut go, hey. I I hear what you're saying, I know this is rough on you. But just so you know, like, not on the radar type of thing. Yeah. Yeah. And so I it's interesting that you said that because, like, that's been something that's been on my mind this week is, like, how you

how do we take I think there are some good things about making sure that that that we recognize people, take the world differently without otherwise kind of affirming that it that they have the core, vision of reality. Right? That that how they took it in, it doesn't mean it's actually the objective truth. It just means it's true that that is how they're feeling about it. Well, I think that speaks to to a a core issue that I think we have, societally is the concept of, like, you can be empathetic towards someone's specific situation in the way that they do interpret their own situations, the way they do interpret reality, and also bring the truth of objective reality at the same time. You know, it is not it is not inherently against emotions or against them or unsupportive to to bring in the concept of objective reality. Excuse me. You know, if someone's screwing something up, you can empathize with the fact that they're they're feeling a certain way. Yeah. But you can still bring truth to them. Yeah. And it's also it brings in our faith too of, like, the way that we speak about the concept of of being living in the kingdom of Christ. Like, we are we are so fearful

of destroying people's subjective concepts of what earth of what what living is, what Yeah. Morality is, what things are. And we are so worried about being PC that we lose the concept of bringing objective truth. The bible of bringing what God says and what he speaks. Like, we we are so fearful of the of the the backlash from bringing objectivity to a very, very highly subjective world. And if we understand the concept of empathizing with, yes, I acknowledge that you may believe that and I acknowledge that those are your beliefs based off of your interpretations of how you've dealt with things would have happened what has happened to your life. Yep. But that does not change what does not change, which is God. God does not change. His laws, his commandments do not change. He and his identity do not change. This is who he is. It is okay to live subjectively in certain ways, but you need to realize even though subjectively you feel that way, this is truth and this is honesty. This is an objective reality.

Yeah, I agree. And I think that's that's what's difficult is that in the culture that we're in, any notion of that, it feels so if your subjective interpretation of a situation is what you feels true to you, to the extent that someone says, I understand that's how you feel, the objective reality is this, it feels like you're saying you're a liar. Right, exactly. Right? Like, to to like, that you're that there's a that you're making it up or or that you're intentionally misleading people and, like, that isn't the intent of that conversation.

But we are the just the very nature of how our society takes something in. The very presence of the phrase speak my truth Mhmm. Which is a fairly popular thing to say Oh, yeah. Implies that if I don't agree with that, there is that not only am I wrong, I'm calling you a liar Right. As a but it's it's the diminishing of diminishment of objective reality of which here's the thing is, like, I I obviously can't outside of scripture, outside of what I what I understand about God, I can't claim myself. Like, like, obviously, I take things in a subjective way. It's people do it on a minor basis on how they hear someone says something and you took it in. Even if you heard the exact same words, you took it in with some sort of inclination that may or may not have been there.

But, like, anyway, it's it's just interesting to to recognize. And I think for me, it's one of things that I probably have to just to keep an eye on on my life and say, look, am I willing for how I feel about something to be wrong? To say to to acknowledge that it's true. This is how I feel. Actually, I have this. I have a I have constant anxiety. Like, there's an anxiousness in me of things that I I know I shouldn't be anxious about. And, like and I can tell myself, look, I I don't feel anxious about this. And I've had I I well meaning people go, hey, you know, you shouldn't be anxious because this is the reality. And I'm like, you know, I know what you're saying is true. I I I accept that what you're saying is true. For some reason, my body can't seem to get along on board with this. But but I don't ever deny the fact that what they're saying is, like, you're worrying about something that you shouldn't worry about. And, like, I know in my mind to say, I agree. I should not. And I can accept that. I think where you where we lose we lose a grip of of reality a little bit is when I say, no, you don't understand. I should be worrying about it or I obviously am worrying about So it's true. It's worth worrying about. That that doesn't mean it's just that I felt it doesn't mean it's true. In fact, your feelings are oftentimes deceitful. Right? Like Yeah. By definition, irrational most of time. So anyway, I I I thought it was when you said that, it just triggered something that had been sitting on my mind this week. Mhmm. Right. Okay. Black men who attend church services frequently are nearly twice as likely to be obese

than those who never attend services according to a study by Duke University researchers. What is going on at Duke University? Don't we have we fixed have we fixed cancer? Right. Is this what we need to be doing? Surveys on things like that? Is vaping killing people or not? Like, what is going on that the guys at Duke are like, you know what? We're some fat black fellas. And how often do they go to church? I Yeah. I I I wanna hear this one because I'm interested to hear about the correlation. Oh, man. I should have clicked on the study first. The study investigating denominational and church attendance differences in obesity and diabetes in black Christian men and women from Duke Samuel DuBois

That is Cook Center for Social Equity, also suggested that I would now I I gotta read the whole study. Also, she's added that the development of obesity in black men highly engaged in church life could be influenced by their social networks. Social networks in this case refers to a web of relationships among individuals. It's a weird thing to study. Now I I don't know, just for the record, a single obese person in Zimbabwe attending church and they're all black. Right.

Just just for the record. Yeah. Maybe Americans should have been thrown Yeah. The confines of the East Coast. Yeah. Says the lower prevalence of diabetes among Catholics and Presbyterians was also noted when compared to groups such as Baptist, Pentecostals, Methodists, and other Protestant groups. Which denominations are the fattest? Really?

I mean And how does that correlate specifically to black men? Catholics and Presbyterians are more likely to use legit wine for communion. Maybe this diabetes is related to this grape juice. You didn't think about that, Bubba? Of course, you didn't. No. I did not think about the sugar content in the grape juice. It's the lightweight problem. Alright. Researchers say these key findings now need to be factored into faith based health promotions as obesity increases the risk of developing cardiovascular disease and diabetes. This is not Did they say Did they say why, though? Like, what's the under

The What's the fellowship? Dinners? Yeah. Like It's the Baptist barbecues. Yeah. That's what it is. What? No. No. I mean, they know how to do it. It's the Southern Baptist barbecues. It's home cooking. I I should I have to read it later. There's 16 pages. I can't see it super quick. 68 pages of study? No. 16. 16. Oh, I think you said 68.

Okay. Here we go. It's my subjective reality. It's my truth. Study was conducted using data from the National Survey of American Life. Hey, man. Can we get a hold of that? That sounds awesome. Right. Draw a lot. The National Survey of American Life to investigate the correlation between the faith traditions and health outcomes for more than 4,300 African American and Afro Caribbean Christians. I want Yeah. But why, though? Do I they want to know was gonna say, do they have a motive that's a part of the study? Our analysis of data found no denominational differences in obesity, but did observe an interaction between gender and the frequency of religious service attendance that greatly increased the likelihood of obesity in men, not women.

So they're they're arguing that it's not denominational, it's frequency of attendance. And and and gender. And the fact that it's male. Yeah. Yeah. Dudes who attend church. It's a fairly specific data set to draw from. Oh, I mean, kinda wonder, do they just look at African Americans? I'd be interested to know if they look at Right. That's what I was wondering too. It it dudes? Broad spectrum and then they're just finding this correlation specifically or was the study intentionally meant for Afro American and Afro Cuban or Cuban American? Caribbean. Afro Caribbean. Afro Caribbean. I was like, sorry. Afro Cuban Caribbean American? Let's see. I'm horribly not PC. I apologize. Yeah. It said that church engagement is an important factor in obesity for black men. Concerning diabetes, lower odds emerged among Presbyterians and Catholics compared to Baptists. No interaction between gender and religious service attendance was observed for this outcome.

This finding indicates that the odds of diabetes do vary between denominations within the black church and communicate the importance of considering denominations in health promotion. And yeah. But why though? Why like, I get it. Like, oh, we can target Pentecostals because they're fat. But, like, why? It sounds like the the the high church, you know, high liturgy type

are not as obese, but they tend to not have as many fellowship events as, like, your evangelical churches that strive for fellowship activities and they almost always have food. Yeah. I mean, I find but why aren't the why aren't the ladies having the problem? Because they're because they're making it. The dudes are sitting there. Busy working. The dudes are sitting back watching. Lazy fellows are sitting about? Interesting. I don't know. While diabetes is the seventh leading cause of death among Americans in general, I but I I'm sorry if you're Protestant or you're Pentecostal. I'm not implying you're all fat. I'm just saying this with the obviously, what the notion of the study is indicating. And while one third of of all American men and women have been classified as obese, among African Americans alone, that rate is forty eight point four percent. Okay. So then the question is, if that's true for African Americans as a whole, is that just because African Americans are maybe are more likely to be Pentecostal, as an example? Like, it's not because they're Pentecostal. Right. You're It's because they're whatever the trend is in the African American community also seems to indicate, like, if they're more likely to be one real Baptist and Pentecostal rather than Catholic. You're drawing the line wrong line of causation. Yeah. What the heck? Yeah.

It's just I'm thinking this is completely unrelated. They are you just like Right. Exactly. Just like that's what I'm saying is, like, you found a dataset that seems to support this Yeah. And came up with what seems like a logical causation line for your research. I mean, because there's obese and diabetic people in America. Correlation does not mean causation. I wonder how if they should do this test with atheists, if that changes the data. I know the statistics Yeah. Are you obese? Are you African American? Are you atheist? Tell us now. Is that in the life survey? I'm in a life survey. Does going to church affect if you have a parakeet or not? Yeah. This is to I'm also, again, I'm interested to hear the motive as to why they started this study. Yeah. It isn't. Like, it seems like they're talking a lot about

health services That's because offered within the Christian community. Think it's grant money. You gotta find something no one else is studying, so you gotta come up with something. Legitimately, that is a very valid point. That's their livelihood. It is a 100% valid point. Hey. Has anyone studied this ever? No. Should we? That doesn't matter. Will anyone give us money before? Yeah. Exactly. Can we study? Can we get can we get a department on this? Give us all a job for ten years. This is great. Hey. The Pentecostal church is very interested in the causation between obesity and church church attendance. Duke, you got anything? I think we got a couple people. We can probably make this happen.

Well, I'm just I'm Yeah. There's not enough take home on my There's not enough why here. Anyway, let we'll finish out the article here. The study further pointed to gendered roles oh, wait a minute. Hold on. We need to call some of the researchers. Yeah. Find something? Developing obesity was seen among siblings and spouses. Oh, wait. The authors pointed to research showing that beyond the age of 32, obesity can be transferred among individuals. Answer? You can catch obesity. I'd like to share Obesity

can be transferred? Hold on. Developing obesity great news. Was seen among siblings So sorry, everybody. Spouses if one person became obese. Among friends, if one became obese, the other had a fifty seven percent increased chance This is social. Maybe because you have common interests like pizza. Yeah. You hang out together and eat fried together. You hang out together and enjoy a couple sub sandwiches. Oh, no. Oh, man. Male same gendered friendships showed an increased chance of becoming obese when one friend enters that weight group. We can no longer go out to eat together, fellas. Actually, here's the deal. I I it does not surprise me that a group of dudes, let's say there's 10 guys, they're all just waiting for one guy to make it seem like this is fine.

And they're like, oh, you know what? Gate is open. Is that why since high school all my friends have been letting themselves go? Because I've just been there the whole time. They're like, well, if Buva did it, we can't. They say, hey. We just needed one give me one reason to stay here or I'll turn it back around. Like, they just drink from a two liter Diet Coke. Yeah. They just they just need an excuse to say, look. This is it's time of life. We're allowed to do this. Now to you should reverse this study here, I I I'm having lunch with someone on Thursday and and I suggested Mexican food. And they said, like, no, I really need salad.

And so I'm going to a salad bar. Oh, really? They had a reverse I was trying to spread my joy and they didn't take it. Spread your joy of Mexican food? Just obesity. I mean Oh, okay. Food, liking eating unhealthy food. I would I mean Well, you can eat unhealthy at a salad bar, Dan. Oh, it's possible. You can eat just as unhealthy at a salad bar as you can as Mexican place. I'll try. Mexican place, you can get one plate salad bar. You can keep going back and getting your ranch soaked bacon chips on your on your cheesy lettuce. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm just saying It's generally pretty healthy. Who can do damage

Yeah. That has proven I read a book. Year over year again that I can do damage. I'm just saying, just because it says salad bar doesn't mean you can't walk away with an 8,000 calorie meal. I always I usually consider Mexican to be a healthy option simply because they I mean, there's there's some greens on there. Tomatoes. K. Luke. Let me go ahead and say again. Could you just let us You're you're finding weird reasons to call something healthy. Some some beans in there. That's like saying, hey, man. That burger that was covered in in bacon and grease and stuff like that had garnish of a piece of lettuce, so it has to be healthy. Yeah. Yeah. It's got a little extra stuff on it. Oh, my lettuce was covered in mayo and ketchup, but still there. I mean So I'm getting my leafy greens into the day. Right. That mayo was isn't that, like, the middle of a plant or something? I just assumed it. Yes. I just assumed it's a vegetable. The mayo root.

Alright. Just oh, check this out, Dan. Distinct church roles may also encompass distinct taxing responsibilities for black men and women within and outside the church. Yeah. You You go out to eat all the time with your congregation. Perhaps a factor in our findings is the superwoman rule, a liability and asset laden phenomenon describing black women's stress coping response and its connection to adverse health outcomes like obesity. I no. I've never seen a study on on the pastorate

on whether, say, the stress associated with pastoring churches of various sizes in in denominations causes one to be overweight. I I've I've read those before. Yeah. I mean, like, back in the day that they they were always, get your exercise, watch yourself because I don't think how many skinny pictures Usually, I

the more, you know, mega guys are pretty thin because that's like they gotta it's all about image. They're also yeah. Yeah. Basically Hollywood out Like just real passers, they're they're looking at they're, you know, they're all overweight. They're softball team. They're all like, hey. Look at that fried chicken. I'm in. Potato salad? Oh, yeah. I couldn't turn down missus Frederick's fried chicken. It's all you can eat pie contest is for the youth program, so I guess I gotta have to do it. Hey, man. People in your church baking pies and bringing it by, though. Could have that come back. I think this might be the only reason the lord not would not call me to be a pastor is the pie eating contest. Let's see. In our sample, the black men who have obesity and frequently engaged in the church may embody a superman role, experiencing over experiencing overwhelm from church and other social contexts that undermine self care. I mean, that's true for anybody though. Right. It's just less so some of the some of the similar taxing situations like CEOs, like higher level businessmen, The only difference, I suppose, with them is that, like, they might be making money that would allow them to put the old treadmill in the office or Yeah. Spend time playing golf or whatever. The pastor generally doesn't have that some sort of a free time. What are they using to define this superman, superwoman role? What do they mean by that? I I think the intent is to say someone who takes on all responsibilities. Oh, okay. Gotcha. Just responsibility. Okay. Which would be I mean, from a pastor's again, to to I think Exactly like a pastor. Not the health of the pastorate, but that is often the case Yeah. To to doing all those things.

Alright. That was the end that was the end of the study. Okay. I'd I'd I'd really like to read that article and figure out if there was a there was a reason behind that study or if they just took the data from this larger study and then kind of filtered it through to a very specific outcome. I don't ever wanna hear from it again. Yeah. Ted said he doesn't need to take it in at all. They wasted my life. Dan's like, I'm not research. Not invested. I'm done. Forget Duke.

I'm no longer going to Duke. Alright. Surprising. Alright. So let's see here. There there was another article that said, in Christ alone, most believers said they don't need others for discipleship. I suppose initially, is that a surprise? I I I'm kinda daft here. I'm not understanding what that means. Okay. Here. Let me read it. Over the past decade, more believers are heading this heeding the scriptural call to grow in the grace and knowledge of our lord and savior, but they're often doing discipleship on their own. A wide ranging survey by LifeWay Research found that while US Christians had made improvements in areas like reading their Bibles daily, prioritizing obedience to Christ, I made it a priority,

and avoiding temptation, their connections with fellow Christians have weakened. Hispanic and African American churchgoers may represent an exception to the overall trend. That explains why aren't the why aren't the Hispanic Christians overweight? Right. Dog on that study. Forget gore. Showing even greater progress in discipleship while deepening community ties. Those communities are much better at that. The discipleship

what's with the Europeans? Is it the is it a European problem? The Anglo Saxon European lineage? We're just like We're just we're loners? Get away. The only way to entice people to come together is, like, well, you better bring me some food, and I will come. So I'm not coming for discipleship. No. I'm not showing up for that, but PB and J and maybe some side of baked beans. Devil's eggs. Yeah. Yeah. I'm in. The the result came from this year's 2019 discipleship pathway assessment, which tracks eight measures of belief and practice and compared to similar study LifeWay conducted in 2011. Here we go. Among Protestants who attend church at least once each month, most believe that an essential part of following Christ is saying no to the self and living to glorify God. This year, 66% of believers agreed with the statement, a Christian must learn to deny himself or herself to serve Christ. Makes me really sad for the other 34%. No. No. I see so he's my copilot.

I'll fly the plane. Oh, man. Sorry. Keep going. Christian let's see. Slightly fewer churchgoers prioritized obedience when LifeWay started this in 2011. Alright. We're up 2%. Oh, man. Let's see. They are spending more time in the word. In 2019, 59% of churchgoers read the Bible every day or a few times each week compared with 45% in 2011. I I'm kinda surprised by that, to be honest. I I I maybe I I wonder, like, what do you mean?

Like, how much did like, desk calendar or, like I gonna say, how much of this is your is your three verse Max Lucado Yeah. Devotional? Yeah.

I mean, if you say devotionals, I mean, maybe. That that that would make more sense. Right. Agreed. Yeah. I'm gonna assume there'd be more podcasts going on these days. Yeah. Yeah. Or listen to a podcast about something. I just think of the old ladies that populate the Christian bookstores and buy the newest devotional. Old ladies are keeping these numbers afloat. Yes. They are. Last one, over three quarters of respondents agreed with the statement. I try to avoid situations which I might be tempted to think or do immoral things. Up from 73%. Good. We got another 2% bump.

Hey. We're moving. Yeah. We're moving. 25% are like, you know what? House of ill repute? I might walk in there. Think and see what happens. I'm good with that. Haven't been to the strip club in a while. Not supposed to lie. I might be a politician. I just might be an option. Well, so I live as if I exist. Okay. Check this out. The question, I live as if I exist to praise and glorify God. 33% strongly agree.

33% somewhat agree, 24% are neutral. I'd rather agree or disagree with that statement. A strong 10% are in the somewhat or strongly disagree category. What? I live as if I exist to well, they could just be being honest, actually.

Not I don't think I should. Rather than yeah. Okay. Yeah. Do I live this way? No. I do not. You think it's it's it's a statement of what they're actually at, not what they believe. In fact, I've I've stronger support. That should be a higher number. Think Of people that do not do that? Yeah. They say, look. You know what? I don't entirely. I don't live as I if as I exist to praise and glorify god. I might be in the neither agree or disagree at some point of time. I was gonna say if anyone finds themselves strongly agree with that portion, they should probably take a step back in humility and realize that's not actually true at all. I strongly agree that I live only to exist in faith and in praise to the lord. Oh, you're a human. Okay. So let's let's get your get your thoughts on these numbers.

On the statement, I intentionally spend time with other believers in order to help them grow in their faith. What percentage do you think strongly agree? Damn. I'd say 24%. I was gonna go 12. K. We'll just be in the middle. It's about 19. K. 19% strongly agree. So one in five Christians say, I spend time intentionally meeting with other believers to help them grow their faith. Now now here's the deal. Of of the 7%

beyond what I suggested, they're they're liars. They think they think they are, but they really aren't doing anything. They just show up and Just because you're eating together does not mean you're disciplining. Right. Right. But they're they're probably thinking, so I was trying to be more accurate. Yeah. Yeah. I'm alright. Here's the deal. I'm okay with you laying a foundation, but you gotta have two cooks in the pot, like multiple spoons in there. You could be slowly meeting with the person to build a relationship while actually spending time discipling somebody else. Like, you don't have to play the long game on one guy and say, I'm on a forty year game, boys. Eventually, I'll invite him over for talking about Jesus on a pain for it. I I think that seems about right to me, actually, one in five. And I act I'm with Dan, actually. Maybe I've I've been a little bit more that seems less likely to be that it's actually that high. Because the church would be exploding.

Yeah. I I would agree. 28% actually doing discipleship correctly? Yeah. Even a small fraction of us doing it legitimately correctly? Yeah. I agree with that. Yeah. I mean, if if there's one if there's one person out there with two other folks helping with them build it, one meet Jesus and one build their faith in Jesus, like, we wouldn't be talking about this. Exactly. Mathematically, that is going to build exponentially.

28% oh, and by the way, I would say the 19% that strongly agree, like, this is that is meet the normal percentage. Like, there are some people that are carrying four or five people, groups of people. It's a lot of them are pastors. Although, if I think it'd be interesting to see how many pastors they actually talk to and who aren't Yeah. Who aren't doing this either. I bet you there's a lot of pastors who are not. Yeah. Yeah. They get busy and the administrative get bogged down and they forget. Oh, yeah. Which is and again, it goes back to, like, what what kind of position have we put some of these folks folks in where, hey, they don't have time to take care of themselves or disciple people individually?

We got we got to rethink that kind of stuff. Got to rethink The concept of the corporation versus the body of Christ. 34% neither agree or disagree and then an honest 19 are either somewhat disagree or strongly disagree. I am not doing this all. I do not intentionally spend time with other believers. Again, I I think that's underrepresented Yeah. If we're being honest. They might intend to do differently. And, frankly, I I go through seasons of this where I have to I have to intentionally reset. Like, I have I have a list of of guys primarily that I'm that I that I'm praying for and that I'm meeting with. And then stuff starts happening at work and stuff starts happening at home and I might go three weeks and I haven't met with anybody and I have to intentionally go, look, I I I wanted I need to talk to somebody next week. It's call them up. We're having coffee and then I'll maybe I'll wait a week and then I'll like, it doesn't mean you gotta line up 15 people every week.

But if you're going multiple weeks and not touching base with someone, not only for your own their edification but for your own, you're missing out. You're not making the most of the opportunity that God has put in front of you. Right. Man, I stink at that. I know it. Stink at that. Ugh. Yeah. I think here's the deal. And this is this is my own admission more than else. I've always been weary of my faith

level to be able to do that kind of thing. Right? Mhmm. Like, I've I've always been weary that, like, I'm not the guy that should ever be mentoring somebody. I should just constantly be mentored by a bunch of people. And and interestingly enough, that's kinda switched in the last couple months. And, like, you saying that aloud totally just hit my heart really hard of, man, I love Jesus. I love following him. I love learning about him. And for my own edification, maybe I should find myself where and and I do meet with a couple a couple people, this being one of them, of spending time with dudes. But, like, am I trying with anybody else? Am I trying to help steer someone in the right course? And the answer is no right now. Crap. Yeah. Alright. Gotta be one. Gotta be know. Yeah. You're right. Absolutely. Yeah. And it's not because I'm short on time so I yeah, man. Alright. And here's the deal. It's don't don't take what we were talking about earlier. It's it's okay to to start building relationships, man. That's it's totally fine. But, like, if you're like, you you can't share good news without actually sharing good news. Like, you're gonna have to get to it, friend.

So so get yourself so you're in the right right relationship to do so. Take take your time. That's fine. But, like, just know that when Jesus wanted the good news spread, like, actually intended to talk about the good news, not just, oh, like, those guys seem happy and we're good natured. Right. Although, you should be those things. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Do.

And but you know what's interesting? It says, so the places where believers struggle, based upon the survey then, are the most are sharing Christ and building relationships, which is rooted if you think about what people say we're we're we're nailing, is the deceit that that your faith is is an individual thing, to the extent that that

god is looking for kind of a a mental ascent. Not not something that actually controls your whole your mind and your body and changes who you interact with and how you interact and the desire to otherwise spread good news to the world. Like, you misunderstand the mission of the kingdom as if everyone else's job is to take Christ to you so that you may know and then it's supposed to stop with you. Like, that's a that's a misunderstanding of your faith. And and frankly, borderline unfaithful and and and unobedient to do. To think that it stops there, like, that's just the wrong idea. You are not the primary focus of the game.

And and I I know you probably don't feel that way if you're not doing any of these things well. And like I said, I admit to to having to force myself to make sure I keep them in line. But just recognize that that's ultimately what it ends up being is, like, hey, faith, the the spreading of the good news was meant to come to me and that then it's met its end result and it's not beholden to me to spread it around. Like, that doesn't sniff right at all. You never agree to that. But that's what your that's what your physical body is saying. Right. Oh, okay. The rest that gets pretty long. I'm not gonna worry about it. Okay. Hey. So on that hot dog cannon thing, Bubba,

what's what's the people are they're clamoring at the lawn. They they They've shown up. They couldn't even look at the little girl on her birthday who got the hot dog can and hot dog. Fault entirely. I just I I seem too much like the pope, and I I need these people off my lawn, so I gotta give them a little bit of advice. Yeah. And so here's my advice, and this kinda came about, from, really kinda today reading through my bible study that I'm in, but culmination of a couple things within my life recently.

And this is more of a of a call out for myself too also, but I'm really sick and tired of the concept of this watered down greeting card love that we call out. Right? Like, the concept of of of how often people call out that they love god and they love him and and all this different stuff, but, like, you can see when somebody loves him. Like, it it's it's it shows.

And and we have this we have this fully emotional, not physical, not invested thought process of love, and it's and I don't know I don't know enough internationally about the church in the world, but I know the American church. And I think that we've we've developed this concept of of love with God is supposed to be this, oh, yeah. I have good feelings towards him, and that must mean love.

And and I don't resent him in any way, shape, or form. And as long as he's doing things that are not really getting in the way of me and I'm able to live out my my prideful and boastful life, I sure do love him. And, man, is that crap. And and it's it's it's it's an offering to God that is just I mean, I can't even imagine being God and getting that offering. Like like, knowing what I've seen him of of rejecting offerings that are not up to his standard and and knowing from an old testament god that is a jealous god that expects this from us. Like, I'm very thankful for for the fact that god is not just a wrathful god.

But we need to, as as as a kingdom, start truly grasping what that means in loving God. And it's there's there's plenty of examples biblically of what love is, and and it and it's never really an emotional thing. Love is not very often called out in the bible to be, oh, as long as you feel good about the lord, you're good. Love is is if you obey my commandments, it is he who loves me. The one who loves my father is the one who obeys his commandments. If he if he loves my father and I and loves me,

my father and I will dwell in his house forever, like that kind of stuff, John 14. And even in, I think, I read Deuteronomy 28, there's a comment regarding, the concept of of loving God and following his commandments, and we miss that.

And it it's it's it's sad. It really saddens me because we look at, at God and our relationship with him as something that's still that that proverbial genie that is, you know, as long as he fulfills the things that I'm asking him to do and doesn't generally get in my way, I love him and therefore have a good relationship with him. And not only from a condemning standpoint, is that a terrible place to find yourself, but also from the perspective of missing out on the fullness of a relationship with him. That's also a super important part that saddens me. Because it's not just, oh, Turner, Byrne, you're you're you're in the wrong here. Also, you're missing out on the fullness of what really

loving the king is and finding him as your lord. And that's another thing we mess mess up quite a bit that I was talking about at church this weekend is we don't understand the concept of lordship. We are not very good as an American church understanding what it means to be underneath the consent of a king. We we've never lived that way, and we've never had to live that way. And so we we understand the concept of, yeah, there's someone in authority, but not to the perspective and not to the extent And we and we put them there. Yeah. Exact right. Exactly. Yeah. We elected that authority, and that that authority is given by us rather than that authority is is existent outside of any permission that we offer. That authority is to be recognized

and to be feared in certain aspects. And so, not not to get off my original point, but, you know, I would love to see what would happen in in the church and the body of Christ in this world if we found ourselves in a place where we defined and lived out love as the way that God calls it to be and the way that Jesus calls it to be. It is never it was never meant to be just this watered down hallmark thought process that was all about, oh, I feel good. And because I feel good, then I show love.

It's the concept of you obey God that you love. And by obedience and through obedience to his commands, you show your love to him, and you show your respect and your admiration to the king and to the father and Yahweh of this universe.

I can't even imagine what would happen in our lives and in this world if we truly started to understand that and became a body of believers and a body of kingdom warriors that that lived that out daily and were obedient to our everlasting father and the almighty. And

my advice to you is to take a step back. Survey the love that you you call that you have for God. If it is not met with obedience and it is not fulfilled with works and and living actionable things through your life, as far as I'm concerned scripturally, you're not loving him. You may think you are, but you're not. And I would strongly caution and encourage you to get to a place where your obedience

and you're showing God that you love him starts living itself out through your life. Get off my lawn. And they're gone, and they left. They said, I I can't I can't take it anymore. Was boo was giving me the what for. Yeah. I mean, I I I

like, the right reckoning this is where that that that part is king is is super important, right? Because it's the right reckoning of our reality. Right. Of saying, like, this the the true thing is is, like, I I you don't get to define love as whatever you want. There there is an objective understanding of what love is, but God defined it for us. And we've taken liberties on and messed it up. Yeah. And here's the deal. I suppose to the extent that you wanna define it however you want to outside of your relationship with God, that is your own personal prerogative. Sure. But, like, you are not gonna be able to get up and meet the Lord Almighty and say, look, I I really loved you and here's my truth. Here's my definition of what it is. Good luck with that conversation. Yeah. And and and I get I think we need to see the the obedience part right. Like,

we can we can celebrate. We can praise the fact that the god almighty, like, Jesus wears a crown because he is good king. Mhmm. That is exciting. We are blessed for that truth. And and and so, like, if you think back, if you think back of a situation where, like, you're actually ruled by kings, like, everyone knew when the when the bad son was next in line. Yeah. And and mourned the kingdom that, like and and and the ruin that was gonna come to them by his selfish behavior. Always watch for Asherah poles. And then you always waited. You always waited to know there's a good king. Is there a good king coming? And you knew that the land was gonna be different and the and the the situation was gonna be different because the good king did good things. The king loved his people, sacrificed for people, fought for good, tried to restore good things to the nation. And so, like, there was a crazy big difference between whether you had a bad king ruling or a good king ruling. Right. And just know that we we serve under the best possible king, the perfect king. And so when he says, look, I ask for your allegiance,

and to show that you love me is to do the things that I ask for the benefit of my kingdom Right. And ultimately for the benefit of you. That's why I asked them. Yeah. That wasn't a selfish command from God. He was calling out that he knows the right way to live and the right way to be. And through obedience to his commands, he was calling out that you were so you were to be set apart. You were to be set apart from this world by laws and by commands. The commands that you find in the old testament, regardless of what your thoughts are of, you know, Jesus dying on the cross, abolish that or whatever. Whatever you find yourself. Those commandments were meant to be identifiers for his kingdom so that they were different than the rest of the world. They could be shown different through their actions and through what they did. And a lot of those things were directly or culturally protecting them from from the crud that was around them. We can still find ourselves in that place. Imagine ourselves even thousands

of years after the original decree of those commands. If we find ourselves following those and in line with those, we will be set apart as a people, that are that are seeking after God earnestly and following his commands and loving him. Imagine what happens to this world kingdom like that. And I think that goes back to what what you and I were talking about before the show started, is, yeah, to to to to love God is to obey his commands. And and and elsewhere in scripture in in in Psalms, right, it's like we're to delight in them. Yeah. Right? It's because they're good. Like, you don't realize, like, the like, people take that stuff in the wrong way. Right. Like and frankly, even if God said, look, you don't even have to delight him, but you're gonna do him. He's still the king. Yeah. You're still in me. It's there that he's Lord. But but just recognize that, like, you you know his character. His character is for your good. Yeah. He's a good king and a good father. That's right. And so, like, when you serve a good king, like, if if the king says, look. This is what's good. This is what's good for you. This is good for the kingdom. It's good because I say it's good. And and it met and it runs up against what I think, then I think to myself, the king knows better than I. Right. Then I will submit to that thing, and I shall be obedient to it. Yeah. That isn't often what I think, but that is what I should think because the king is better is a better king than I am not a king. And and right and and that's what he's he's calling you to good.

He's calling you to joy. He's calling you to peace. He's calling you to potential earthly suffering in the service. But whatever it is, it's it's it's eternally good. Right. Exactly. It's eternally good. And so that's what you're submitting to. And, like, if you can't get on board with that, then I don't know what it is that you're actually getting on board with. Yeah. Exactly. Like, that's that is the exact portion. Yes. Absolutely. Yeah. Like, everything that we're talking about doesn't make it doesn't make any sense. Like, all the biblical images that we get, like, if he's a weak king who goes, yeah, this is my kingdom. But you know what? Do whatever the heck you want. Right. Mhmm. This king language is way overdone. He's an he's a he's a kind neighbor. You know, even even even kind of falling that path, I had a conversation with with a family member of mine recently that he called me out and said that our faith is different, between him and I. My faith calls me to be obedient and and read my bible and find his identity there. His faith calls him to just pray a lot. And I was like, okay. What do you mean by that? He goes, well, you you read your bible, and you you find who god is there. And I just I feel like I don't do that stuff. I just pray a lot. I'm like, what do you mean? What do you pray about?

And he goes, well, I just ask him for things and tell him about my day and stuff like that. I'm just like, wow. Sounds like a really weak watered down god you serve. And he goes, what do you mean? I'm like, why would you ask a god that you don't believe in at all or anything? I said, you you don't follow him. You don't obey him. You don't feel like he's your king. You don't follow him as your lord, you don't praise him correctly, you're not in a place where you're even trying to find his identity. In what world does a god that sees that and gives you everything you want without your will aligning with his at all strike you as a good god. And he kinda shut up for a second. He goes, I never thought of it like that. Said, no. You didn't, dude. You gotta find yourself in a place where you can't just start with, hey, genie. Let me rub the lamp and ask for my three wishes. And if they're good enough, then I will follow with obedience. That sounds like a weak god that needs you

versus the other way around of a god that you need, that you find sustenance from, you find yourself obedient to as lord of lord and king of kings and Yahweh in your universe. Like, dude, you are missing out on the fullness of god and not just from again, not a condemnation standpoint of, oh, buddy, you better gird your loins kind of place. But seriously, how weak of a god do you serve? Like, you should find mine that is strong and faithful and loving and caring and kind. And when you find his identity and you follow that in obedience, when you start asking for things, when your heart and your will align with what he wants, you will be dumbfounded

by what you find after that. You will be astonished and amazed and in awe of the God that is powerful and is living and is true. Alright. Yeah. That's what I got. Okay. Beautiful. Here we go. At a at Buva's insistence, we're gonna do a quick joke. Why why you gotta call me out like that? He says, one day, the zookeeper noticed that the monkey was reading two books, the bible and Darwin's the origin of species.

And surprise, he asked, why are you reading both of those books? Well, said the monkey, I just wanna know if I was my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother. Okay. I kinda like that one. I'm willing to take admittance of that on the Yeah. Yeah. That was good. I liked it. Yeah. Okay. I think that's the first one I've actually enjoyed. Okay. Still gonna have been awful. Here's another okay. What in the same category of creation, here at the cleanchristianjokes.com. One day, a group of scientists got together and decided that man had come a long way and no longer needed God. So they picked one scientist to go and tell him what that they were done with him. The scientist walked up to God and said, God, we've decided that we no longer need you. We're to the point that we can clone people and do many miraculous things. Why don't you just go on and get lost?

God listened very patiently and kindly to the man. After the scientist was done talking, God said, very well. How about this? Let's say we have a man making contest. To which the scientist replied, okay. Great. But god added, now we're going to do this just like I did back in the old days with Adam. Scientist said, sure. No problem, and bent down and grabbed himself a handful of dirt. God looked at him and said, no. No. No. No. You go get your own dirt. Yeah. Yeah. There it is. There's the zinger. Go get your own dirt. Bazinga. Dear life in the path. My wife constantly craves compliments about her age. When we meet people, she regularly asks how old they are, which I think is rude and inappropriate.

Like, irritatively? Then she asks me if I know how old they are, and I say no because I don't think it's any of my business. She then asked them, how old do you think I am? Almost always, they guess low, which makes her happy. She thinks there's something wrong with me for not being curious about someone's age. I'm not sure that's the problem. No. I don't think that's the issue. Abby, is it appropriate when meeting someone to ask how old he or she is? To me, it's like asking how much they weigh, which is also none of my business.

No. Especially if she's if it's a Pentecostal fellow. Is my wife rude, or am I the one with the problem? I like people, but I don't need the intimate details of their lives. Well, I think he's missed the boat on this one. I think your wife is just fishing, boys. Oh, man. Like, it's weird. He got this got the first part right. My wife constantly craves compliments about her age. Right. Exactly. Yeah. Past that, like, the etiquette of everything in the middle is not only not relevant, but you know the answer to this does not give a crap how old they are. Right. All she cares about is the compliment of them saying, oh, you can't be that old, Janice. This is ridiculous. The pretense is so ridiculous. Hey, how old are you, Gail?

Oh, hey, Steve, my husband. Do you know how old Gail is? No. Do you how about know how old I am? It's ridiculous. This this makes me sad for this woman that she constantly has to go around fishing for this kind of compliment. Man. Find your identity in Christ. You're okay. Oh, man. Everything will be alright. I don't know. Dave Husband, if you need to love your wife, better compliment her. More. What do you think? Yeah. She she has a a low self image and a she's got problems and

she just needs to stop. She needs to stop that. That's ridiculous. Yep. Yep. I can just stop that directly. Yep. Now what's what's the advice for the dude? What do I do? Well, his question is is it is she how do you say that? I mean, yeah, she's wrong. I mean yeah. So Is it appropriate? No. He's asking he's asking the wrong question here. He doesn't need to be asking about the the social niceties of the situation. He needs to be asking about how can I love my wife better? Yeah. How can how can I help How can I help her stop doing this? How can I help her fill her bucket so that she does not need to go around and and create these awful situations, fishing for compliments? Yeah. Maybe he needs to give her more words of affirmation. Right. Exactly. Is she looking for compliments because she's not getting them anywhere else? If so, husband, get on it. Text her every morning and tell her she looks great. You look young. I don't, I could be wrong, but she kinda comes off as someone who is not satisfied with only her husband's

That's very val that's why I'm saying if that's the situation, fix it. If it's a wife that's just constantly seeking attention elsewhere, she needs help. Here's the deal. I I don't know. Need help. Let me ask you this, fellas. I I need some honest advice here. Is it wrong like, if if if if if my wife was doing this over and over again, and I've talked to her and said, look, you got knocked it off. Like, you shouldn't be doing and she said, hey. Do you know how old Genesis is? I would say, no. Because it's rude. Is it wrong to do that in public? I would totally call that out. Eventually, if it takes that kind of shock factor, I don't think that's that big of a deal. That's well, I don't I don't know, but she looks longer younger than you. I don't think I'd ever find myself saying that to her.

I'm not sure, sweetheart, but I'm guessing ten years your junior. Yeah. Yeah. Probably not a good idea. Why do why do you want me to answer not the only married I'm I'm the only unmarried man in this room, but I just feel like that's not the right way. I think there's a I mean, there's gotta be a point where, like, if the I mean, don't know what it takes to drive at home, but, mean, mercy. Call too much. Call a woman in your church that knows right things that is her senior, you can come talk to her. If you're one of those people, call the complaint line. That's I mean, legitimate. Let's say now here's I'm a set the parameters. Let's say this has been going on for forty years. Alright? Forty years, I've been talking about this, And the wife continues to to fish for compliments in this way after I've asked her not to do that. Worried about age for forty years. Is it is it wrong to to go ahead and just kinda lay down the anvil in this conversation? That's a 5155170085.

I'm ready. I'm ready for this. Oh, buddy. Bowens have been girded. I'm interested. Yeah. Let me know. Let's see. Here we go. Dear life from the path. Oh, wait. Sorry. Secular advice. Sorry. Secular advice was Who would got this? Many people dislike being asked their age, And to ask that question of a stranger is not appropriate. That your wife raises a stranger become because she seeks validation about her looks is sad. I'm guessing she will stop doing it when people answer her question honestly. I fucking your your optimism is not

afforded withstanding. Nope. Nope. Here we go. They're alive for the bath. Whenever the opportunity presents itself, I donate one of my framed framed oil paintings for fundraising. On one of these occasions, my friend and her husband purchased raffle tickets and won my painting. They happily took it home. Months later, there was to be a silent auction at an event. My friend asked if I would mind if she donated that painting to it. It disturbed me that she obviously didn't care to keep my painting. But I told her that she owned it and it was hers to do with that she chose. To this day, this incident stirs up resentment because she obviously didn't wish to keep my artwork. Am I childish to harbor this disappointment? Yes. Yes. Yes, you are. Without a doubt, and I refuse to give any more than that.

Yeah. I I I mean, I I I get the artist's inner turmoil, but it's it's immature that the point wasn't his art. The point was the fundraiser,

and she wants to raise more funds through his art. So that's a good thing. But sometimes you you you take things personally that you shouldn't, and I think that's where this guy's at. Yeah. I mean, I frankly, is it childish? Yeah. Because I I think you're you think you have an adult's ability to run that through a perspective. I mean, here's the deal, especially as, like, as an artist, I mean, that's a pretty divisive world. Like, not everybody is creating who left the dogs out or whatever. Some art that everyone will enjoy.

Don't talk about movie. Hold up. Yeah. For example, something that everyone would enjoy in the artistic world Yeah. Is Baja Men's Who Let the Dogs the deal. I don't care how callous you are. How callous you are, when that fires up at a wedding, everyone's in. Hey. Did you know that song was about ugly people? Yeah.

I I I literally I heard that song first when I was, like, eight years old when it came out. And so I I thought it was about legitimate dogs. That's all I ever thought about. It again until I was, like, 22. Well, And then, holy crap. They're talking about ugly people. No. It's actually more specific than that. It's about it's about rowdy, rude fellas at a party. Really? Yeah. Like, it's the ladies that are saying who let the dog who let these who let these dudes in here who are who are being crass.

Really? Yeah. Yeah. Listen back to it. It's it's it's I don't have to do that. Yeah. Yeah. It's it's about offensive dudes. They play that a lot when I walk into a party. It's really weird. Ted Ted goes, I don't know what happened. Who let the Dans out? It's the party, Dan. Anyway Oh. Here's the deal. You're the party Dan.

The greatest persona that's ever come through this show is the party Dan. Oh, man. You can can bet that there will be a meme about that on the next day. That's fantastic. Party So Good luck, Dan. But here's the thing. When you're doing oil on canvas, I feel like you're you're entering a much more subjective world, especially the type of art I wanna hang in my house. You know how many you know how many paintings I've said no to? Oh. All of them. Yeah. Right. Everyone decides maybe a painting of a cow. One of them. And so, like, it it feels like a highly subjective thing. I I'm also guessing that they bought raffle tickets and happened to win your painting. Like, they also could have won a a two week vacation to The Bahamas or a tea set. And so it's I'm not getting the indication that they picked out your painting and specifically, like, ordered raffle tickets for it. In either case,

knowing that art is very subjective, this seems to be like something you just have to grow some skin about. Yeah. You released that once you donated it to this organization. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Let's see. Saykla says, if your friend hadn't liked your painting, she wouldn't have bid for it. I don't know about that. Yeah. I don't know about that either. It should be terrible. For whatever reason,

wrong size, colors didn't fit in with her color scheme, it didn't work for her. Resentment is a disease that eats away at relationships. Let it go. Yes. So here here's here's the deal. A few years ago, I was at some deal with a food pantry and there was a silent auction and I was doing some other stuff. By the time I got to the silent auction, everything had been given out except for a like, it was a what do you call those? A selfie

movie Selfie stick? You know, like, they have a little like, at a wedding. She had a head on her wedding. You you you do the photo booth. Photo booth? Photo booth. Thank you. I couldn't even think of it. It was a little pack with a bunch of little stupid masks. I I didn't want that crap. But it's like, hey, it's the only thing left. So I bid, like, $50 on it to because he was a don't you know, was helping the food pantry. Right. And so I went home with a bunch of masks and gave it Yeah. To the Absolutely. Yeah. Junior worship or something. I can't remember what it is, but

it's like, I don't think the people were, like, offended that Right. I mean, they're that I didn't take it home and have my own photo booth. So guy got too personal with his art. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I get it. Like, it's it's your personal art. I like, I totally understand, but, like, I it's just the nature of it, and I wouldn't be offended. Hey, man. I am an off the cuff, life from the path from me right now because this just popped in my head. Is it okay? Oh, dear life from the path.

Sometimes my family does white elephants for Christmas. Yeah. Oh. And, like, the the the grab bag kinda deal where everybody puts in one present and you kinda just somehow get a present through the mechanics of the games. Right? Yeah. You get to trade? You get to trade sometimes, and there's, like, two trades and yeah. Two trades, and then once it's traded a third time, then it's locked. Oh, okay. K. Okay. And so, obviously, people vie for the gifts that seem like the best gifts, and some of them are are not so great. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Is it is it okay to have some amount of of anger at your family members for giving crappy gifts to the grab bag? Like, they intentionally didn't put a lot of thought into it, and so you're you're, like, trying the hardest to get into, like, cool gift because you brought a cool one in your eyes. Yeah. Yep. And then somebody ended up giving you a 24 pack of beer and and a couple of scratch off tickets. Yep. Yep. Yeah. Is it okay to be a little angry about that when you No. Nope. It's not? No. That's the whole point. They're supposed to be crap. No. Like, everybody put in some sweet gifts, and then someone obviously went and bought it on the way into gas There should never be no more than two really nice things. Yes. Agreed. Interesting. Yeah. The rest is, like, broken hangers and Okay. I mean yeah. Alright. Yeah. Alright. Fair enough. Thank you. Appreciate that, fellas. Alright. Final one. Dear life from the path. I'm about to blow my top. Oh, buddy. I'm a married father of two in the military who works twelve hours daily to support my family. Uh-oh. His wife's not doing it. My wife and I are college grads and have been married five years. For those years, we've maintained residence in Hawaii. My wife doesn't work I know the base. And tries to run a daycare that is mildly successful. Wait. How does she not work but runs a daycare? That sounds like work. Yep. Yeah. Here he goes. Our home is always dirty because, as she puts it, she is not a housemaid. She doesn't cook often either. Many times I come home so tired I can't see, and the house is a mess. This has caused arguments. My thinking is if she's not going to take care of the house, she should get a job and help with finances.

Hold it. The money she gets from the daycare doesn't go toward the household. She considers it her spending money. Oh. Oh, there you go. See? Took a little twist in it. Yeah. I did. I'm ready to bounce and find greener pastures. Alright. Wow. I have tried talking to her, but she ignores my complaints and plays the victim. We have already tried counseling. It doesn't work because she goes back to her normal self afterward. Help. It's a serious business at the Hawaiian hack Hawaiian castle. Buddy.

Yeah. You you yeah. You've gotta pick this out, buddy. You got two kids. Right. Got a covenant. You you gotta figure out you're you're you you've done the counseling, but you're still bitter. I'm still thinking and processing while I'm talking. But I was gonna say, as a side statement. Okay?

As a fellow that is not married and and has never been, you know, I I'm a firm believer in the concept of the covenant of marriage with God. Firm believer in that. I'm a firm believer in not divorcing pretty much anything, to be honest. You know, how does someone in a marriage that that

felt like they did the right thing going up to getting married, you know, felt like they knew the person, felt like the person in faith was trying to build a foundation of of God at the center of the relationship. How does someone deal with that level of of discouragement in a relationship and discouragement in a marriage? And how does one deal with with earnestly seeking God but their partner not when in a marriage? You said it earlier in the show, love is not an emotion. Okay. You love anyway. Okay.

So it's just kind of you're in the situation, you deal with it. Yeah. That's my heart knows the answer. K. And that's fair. That's what I was asking for is because, like, I I feel like that is my heart knows answer also, but I don't wanna just be a stickler on it and not have any basis for it. So you need to either learn to be okay with the situation or figure out how to help her through this. Yeah. But there's no greener pasture. Right. Yeah. You're in the pasture you're in. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. That's fair. I just figured out sorry. Random random thought. I just figured out that The thing is you can't control another person. I mean Agreed. Yeah. You know, you just can't. I mean, so Yeah. Right. If you thought if you thought by marrying someone, you establish some level of control over them Yeah. You were a mistake. That doesn't feel right at all. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. I mean, frankly, I know this this is touchy for people but, like,

by the bible starts talking about things like submission and service. Right? Your call is the husband and wife for submission and service. It's not it's not control. Right. It's not dictation. Right. Because that that isn't the nature of the relationship you're getting. Or you're talking two free willed individuals saying, look, we agree to share this space, time and relationship with each other and people gonna farzand themselves out and about at times. Like, it's just the nature of people. I mean, you included. Right? Like Right. We're primarily propagators of that. And so Okay. Yeah. Fair enough. Far just figured I'd ask. So for this for so this fella well, so so let's get to some core principles here. So for starters, like,

I I granted this is a problem. No one likes to feel, one, underappreciated and no one likes to feel like they're toeing the whole rope. Right? Right. And so and to the extent that someone that that we we can't talk about that honestly. Like, every couple goes through this. Right? The the concept of of an equity, which with the things that people are dealing with in the marriage, whether it's work, whether it's emotional toll, whether it's dealing with the children. And and I find this it's exacerbated at times by with

families that I know where there's a there's a sole income. Mhmm. Right? Like, it's it's there there's not even there's a clear that, like, there's a staying home and then there's a leaving. Right. And so but but you gotta be real clear what you're giving up, like, what you're what you're what you're sacrificing for. Right? Like, I can't reasonably like, I am intentionally working so that my wife can stay home to do the things with our family that we both can't do. Like, it cannot be that we both stay home. We no one makes any money. Right? But there's a means that somebody gets to stay home and raise children and school children. Or even I guess that that it's not unique to that situation, though, because, like, the same same thing happens with two working adults. You're out of the house and then everybody's tired and we look around and say, who's gonna do this junk? Dinner still has to be made.

Kids still have to be dealt with, and no one was home, like, during the day to kind of pick up stuff and go to the bank and do all the stuff. And so, like, so I think acknowledging, at least at least having a right understanding of what the other person is doing, because you everyone tends to shade it to their own benefit. I go out. I work hard. You don't do anything. Mhmm. The the grounds that say, like, you don't own a mutual, like so it's like core principles are you own a mutual house. You have mutual children. You have equal responsibility for them. Time makes it, like, in my example, time makes it so that my wife handles the things with the children more often. She's simply around them more. Right? But that does not otherwise default her to being the person who's responsible for my children.

We're equally responsible for my children. Right. And so, anyway, I I say this, like, one of these things is just a there's one there's a core concept that says, look, I work twelve hours a day and I come home and the house is dirty. I mean, fill your house, dude. And so, you when I'm home, as an example, when I'm home, sometimes I work from home, I'll generally start dinner because I'm home but not because it's I'm doing it for my on my wife's behalf or, like, it's either her or my responsibility. Like, we have joint responsibilities. And so, broadly to say is, like, you're gonna have to keep talking through this. This is a constant conversation. And the way to force yourself into seeing it correctly is to is to is acknowledge what someone else is doing.

And then, is it possible that there's an inequity here? Sure. Yeah. Sure. There there is a possibility. Ultimately, these a lot of these things are your responsibility as a dude. Yeah. Again, back on the submission topic and the service topic, I I there's there's a lot of stuff that just lands on the fella. Like, you're gonna have to put up with that kind of stuff. And then continue to show your wife love and continue to communicate, hey, this is this I'm busy or this is what's going on in my life and work to living that life together. But, like, I these are not easy conversations because they get at personal things. They get a very personal intentions of, like, are people pulling their own weight in what we agreed to do together?

And so I I think it's not easy and I think you're gonna have to talk about it constantly. I think counseling I would keep sticking to counseling. I wouldn't give up on that. Yeah. It sounds like they do it for a little while and then give up when it seems like something's good. And then she from from what I heard, at least I think so, was that after they get done, she goes back to her old phase. You should stop stopping counseling. Maybe you should just continue that regardless of of some, like, quantitative goal. But he obviously thinks the issue is all hers. Sure. Right. Yeah. Yeah. They'd be taken. We're getting counseling. She's not listening. Yeah. Oh, man. That's always the great place to find yourself. I've had I've just talked to people and, like, you know, like, say, barrages where, you know, hey, we stopped going to this person because this person didn't like it and then you move it because the other person didn't like it. I'm like, again, we like, no no counselor's gonna fix with this what's going on right here. Yeah. Like, you gotta be willing to change it. Like, I and I I was just looking at some of the specific things he says, like, our home is always dirty because she puts it, she's not a housemaid.

Two two, again, core principles. One, you're not either. I suppose, a job. But you both are responsible for the house. Right. Exactly. And so, like, it's it's here's what's not cool is someone who goes, look, not my problem. I've I've been I've been dirty the house during the day and wait till someone comes and cleans it up. That sucks. But the thought that, like, you may not be a house made by trade but as a person that owns a house Yeah. Your job is responsibilities in a house. Yeah. You cleaned up. Yeah. And it can't be like, hey, I was busy. Here's the thing is that, like, I'm busy at work, my wife is busy at home. That doesn't give either of us the ability to make messes and just say they're not our problem. They're someone else's deal. Right. Right? Just because I was at work doesn't mean I get to cause, like, get a bunch of stuff out, make some toast and make a mess of breakfast and then bail and go, well, I got to work. Just like she can't say, well, I was I was home busy all day, and so, no, I didn't bother to pick anything up and just made a huge mess hoping you'd come home clean it. Nobody like that's not nobody likes any of that. Mhmm. That's just selfish behavior. Now do you think is is and I'm I'm gonna call out a specific gender here. Do you think as dudes, we we we interpret this wrong a lot of the ways because we think, especially in homes where,

one one person within the the household works and one person doesn't, that just because when we're at work, that's our work, but then we're done once we leave, and then all other work is not ours. Right? Like, we bring home the bacon, if you will, and then everything else is not our responsibility because we work. And we have some expectation of a ridiculous amount of free time because as long as we're not in our forty or, in this case, a sixty hour work week, all the other hours of the week are ours to do with whatever we want. We don't need to love our family correctly. And I mean, with fathers, our job is not the children. Our job is not the dishes. Our job is not taking care of stuff. If it's not chopping down wood and going to work, it's not us. Mhmm. Like, I just feel like that's that feel that's just completely wrong. Like, it just feels like we have this this incredibly skewed version of responsibility and this incredibly skewed version of, like, you're saying with equity of understanding what a split is and what fifty fifty is. You know? I I think that there's there's certain compromise too. Yeah. Just because you're not at your forty hour work week doesn't mean your work's done. Now your work is to take care of the house. Now your work is to love on your kids. You put them you get you make dinner sometimes. You do bath time sometimes. You put them to bed. Just because you're not at your forty or six hour work week doesn't mean you're just done. Yeah. Besides pushing a child out of your nether regions, I can't think of anything that I'd slowly say this did you, like, exclusively say this is ladies work? Right. Right. Like, better capable of all of those things. There's a lot of times where, like, again, this is the nature of if you if your relationship is in a healthy place,

you know, you you don't have certain people don't do certain things because they're not any good at it. Right. Yeah. Like, you know what? I I don't think I'll find myself sewing my children's clothes anytime I am awful at sewing. I have attempted to sew things, and I am terrible at it. I I I I split a pair of pants, and I sew that thing four times and re split them five. Right? Like, and I I just should do it and I'm glad to try. And, like, my wife cooks most of the time because she's better at it. Right. But but but he that doesn't implicitly make it her responsibility. Right. And, like, there are some people where, like, this person always cooks. Totally fine. Right? It's just it's just this this notion of relationship that says, look, we're in this thing together. Let's let's shake it out so everyone is is kind of contributing equally and it it's not a problem. If you're constantly praying, how can I serve my spouse today? Then this stops being an issue.

If you walk in saying, I'm gonna walk in and look for a way to help them. You know, I I tell you so to get back to my own example, I can tell you what my wife appreciates. She cooks the vast majority of the time. If I show up even just one day a week and go, you know what? I got this. I don't know what we're gonna cook. You tell me what's on the list. I'll do what's on the list so they don't screw up the list. But, like, I'm You'll be the one who does it. I got this today. Me and the kids take care of the dishes or whatever, like, don't even worry about it. It's not It wasn't her job. I didn't alleviate alleviate her of her job, but she generally assumes that type of responsibility because she's used to doing it. But, like, it it the the point isn't that I made dinner. It's that I thought of her. I walked in and said, she's probably anticipating to do this. I'm a get it. I'm a get that thing done. You know? And and it kills me because as someone that's that's constantly on an outside looking in situation in a lot of marriages, and unfortunately, lot of worldly marriages that just aren't doing well,

I think we screw that up constantly. The concept of if you find yourself in a place where you are constantly serving the other one, both of you constantly serving the other, filling up their bucket, loving on them, learning how to love them better, and and obviously, most importantly, focusing on God. Like, what better rates of marriage would we have in The United States and the world in the Christian community of people that are earnestly seeking how to love and how to serve the other. Right? Like, you can't you can't constantly be filling up someone else's bucket when yours isn't being filled. Right? Like, the concept of of a finite amount of water, if you will, in that instance, it doesn't work that way. You have to be filling each other up to be able to do that. And I think, you know, if I could impart any any any wisdom that doesn't come from me, but from from what I've seen in in good marriages and what I've seen in in the biblical concept of servitude, you know, that's what it looks like. It is people that are constantly loving on each other and serving one another in that marriage and not self selfishly thinking about what am I getting out of this, but how can I pour into this? Yeah. And and the truth is is that, like, within that reality, where that's not equitable, there there there are spouses that get burned.

Like, there's there's there's some who don't don't do anything. They're not doing anything to serve the other and then there's one person that's kinda doing everything. Yeah. Absolutely. And that's a terrible position. It really, really stinks. You're not that the the relationship was not designed to be that. Let me flesh this stuff out before you It was wise and, like, here's here's the where where you where you agree on Jesus, it's not that these things aren't a problem but you have a foundation to talk about the problem. Yeah. Like, that's that's where like, at least we know, in my in my fealty to the king and the king says this is what is good, I know that I'm supposed to sacrifice for my wife the way Christ sacrificed for me, and to serve my wife in that same way, which is that's an extensive amount of sacrifice here. Right. Right? That's that's that's hardcore servitude. And so if that's what God calls me to, I cannot claim to know, follow, love Jesus and ignore his direction for what my marriage is supposed to look like. Right. So we have a means to talk about. Yeah. A framework to say, look,

are we faithful here? Right. Christ is your mediator in that situation. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And, like, that that's the thing where where being being in Christian counseling or, like, marry having a spouse who is also Christian is there's a means to reconcile this type of thing. Outside of that, I it's simply your prerogative. What do I feel? What am I getting? Do I really wanna do this or don't I? And it's it's a lot harder to navigate. Right. You got that objective truth to stand on at all times if you've got that relationship with Christ at the center. Yep. Okay. So let's see. Yep. Did we get secular on that one? Yeah. Here it is. Secular says, marriage is supposed to be a partnership. And from what you have written, your wife is unwilling to contribute to it. I can't change her and neither can you. Because counseling hasn't resolved your obvious lack of compatibility,

it's time to consult a lawyer. Wow. Come on, secular. That's why they're called secular. Literally didn't even think of the kids in that one. Even from a worldly standpoint, didn't think about the kids. That is that's real that's really unfortunate. That's a rough one. I get here's the thing is that, like, I that's tough. It's it's super tough being in an in equitable marriage. Right? That's why we're called the equity of us. Right. Is it's very difficult to be the one person. Now

sometimes your service means carrying people through times in which they're not acting the way they're not acting themselves. Yep. And they're not up to their their their best of intent. In fact, that's definitely a thing. Happy people. Right. Exactly. That that's the better or worse, richer or poorer Yep. Yep. Sickness and in health. That's that's exactly what that all is. The time. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And and I I I think the the mature and, Dan, I I'd be interested to see what think, but, like, the maturity of marriages, to me, I think, is reflected in not that this that this these conversations don't continue, is that, like, they're in shorter instances, shorter amounts of time, people recognize them easier and don't blow them up. Like, you know, it's it's not that people people remain people, individuals remain individuals and they're all constantly having to sacrifice to this notion of kind of a of a greater partnership. But, like, the it's it's the same way you avoid arguments in a marriage. Like, you both can't be on be unreasonable. Like, if if someone's upset, like, just you just don't have to meet them where they are. And then that's when things become real nasty. You you just acknowledge that for what they are, they're they're they're upset Mhmm. And and try to support them through it and then work your way through it. Just, but all all arguments require one party who started it and one person who decided, yep. I'm a meet that head on. Right. You can avoid a lot of arguments by not meeting it head on. And so, like, maturity and marriage says, you know what? I'm not gonna bring that head on today. They're having a I'm gonna work that out. Yep.

Alright. You've listening live for that. I really appreciate it. Thanks for hanging out with us tonight. And, yeah, I have nothing else. We will see you next week. In the meantime, be faithful in means. God will hand to the ends. You've been listening too live from the path.