Live from the Pathway Studios in Johnston proper. You are live from the path. And you're listening to live from the Path. We're coming from the Pathway Studios here in Johnson Pepper.

Here's something. They're big. They're big. I've been Hi, guys. How's it going? I I here's the thing. It's like when we put a show on every week, I feel like I was just here. I know. Yeah. Like, the Sunday came by, I'm and like, the radio show's tomorrow. And I'm like, I feel like I was just there. That means this is, a really slow terrible time of the week. And the rest of the week is so fun. It just flies by. Yeah. Crap. I do. Grinding halt on Monday. Boy, I Man.

I just it it makes it it it does remind you though. You remember, like, used to for the first year, year and a half, or maybe even two years of the show, we did it from, like, ten to midnight. Yeah. So it was a full two and now lately, we've been going, legitimately shows anywhere between, like, fifty five minutes on the low end and maybe, like, an hour and a half. And that's if we really got to jabbing about something. We like, last but last week was, like, an hour forty seven. Think three few weeks ago, like, oh, we were just talking about COVID stuff, and I think just goes out of control. But, anyway, like, I I recall that it used to be, like, we'd go ten to midnight, that was just recording, and we're generally here for at least another hour or two hours after the show chatting around. And so, like, we'd leave Downtown Des Moines at, like, 02:30 in the morning on a Tuesday.

Then it'd take another hour to go to sleep when you get home. Yeah. We're all like, yeah. Yeah. So I we were just talking about this because my my daughter just turned 10 today and she was born on a Tuesday morning. I got back from the radio show at like 12:30, 12:45, and I know but we had cut out early that night. Right? I got home at things because my wife was pregnant. She was almost two, you know? So I get to tooting home at 12:30. That kid was born at like two. 02:00. I got I got there and then my wife was had had her water broken. I'm like, we gotta get going. And so I just got back home driving the Jeep, and I had run the thing just about out of gas. We didn't have enough gas to get to the hospital. So we had to stop at the gas station with my wife in labor facing the other direction on the passenger seat, looking out the back window. And, of course, old Mike, you know, king of the king

of the husbands, I'm like, hey, man. I'm gonna hop in and get a soda real quick. Do you want one? All they got is Coke at the hospital. That was a big mistake. Yeah. Alright. Hey. Thanks for hanging out with us here at Life From The Path. And so hey. We we were talking about staying home.

And I and I think one of one of the questions was, why is it with with the with the the virus stuff and people are generally encouraged to stay home, some people, you know, have to, most people are. What is what is the thing that makes us not be able to, like, I don't know, just stay?

Just stay home, be less productive, hang out with our families. Like, I guess two things. The I that is a perception that we get. The question is, you one of you personally experienced it and do you believe it's true or is it just is that dominating people's expression but it's not probably the reality for most? Like, what do you think?

Like, are most people staying home? No. Are are most people struggling with it? Struggling. Struggling. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because, like, I'm I'm having trouble connecting with it because I'm not. I don't really this is not causing me any rub at all and I get it. Ignore some of the peripheral stuff on how you otherwise might be impacted by it. Let's just talk about the at its core, you gotta be home Yeah. And you're gonna round your house a lot more and you're having to figure out what to do with your wife and kids or your husband and and whatever.

And is it is it really causing a anxiety, anxiousness? You don't know what to do with yourself? Maybe I'm different than people, but, like, I remember, like, when when my girls were young and they'd go back to the school year we started, I was, like, sad. They're thinking, oh, I really love hanging out with them. Right. Yeah. You know? Or you go on vacation and vacation's over. A lot of times people are like, yeah. It's finally over with. I can get back to work, get away from these people, and that's only a week. So so I suppose for some people it is, you know, a little intense. They're not used to that. They're not used to really communicating, you know? Yeah. So so when they have to you know, when you're you're past the the pleasantries of, hey, what's for supper? That was nice. They don't know what to do. Maybe that's why there's so many divorces when the kids grow older. Yeah. Right. And mom and dad are looking at you like, I don't even I have no clue who you are. Maybe this is good exercise.

Yeah. This seems like a really good exercise. Might be kind of an equalizer, I guess. Yeah. I so I I struggle. Right? I've been reading Ecclesiastes. Right? And and That's meaningless. I'm I'm I'm only on, like, chapter five. I haven't seen it turn I know it turns a corner a little bit and comes around it wraps around a little bit towards the end, but, like, like, he he's brought this up. Solomon said this more than once where he's like, all I can see that a man can do is is eat good food, drink good drink, and enjoy his toil. Whatever toil it is is to find enjoyment in it. And, like, whether I think that's sage advice or not, I thought about it last time I read it, I was I was heading into work or whatever this week, and I thought, you know what? Yeah. Given my

situation, if everybody has to toil because everybody does. Everybody's gotta toil. It's just kind of a lay of the land. God says, you don't work, you don't eat. They get they everyone's gonna have to toil. It is completely up to you to enjoy it or not enjoy it. And and I kinda I started looking at at at some of this virus stuff the same way. Right? Like, if you I I I was listening to a gal talk, she was a psychiatrist on the radio today, and she was talking about, like, ways to cope with the situation that we're in and ways to to help you feel normal, even things that are not normal. And, like, I struggle a little bit with ethereal type psychiatric advice anyway. It's just not how I'm wired. And so I I I might come off a little callous as I listen to some of the stuff. But, like, as I'm listening to her, I'm thinking, I mean, this hasn't gone on. But, I mean, even if you want a high market, four or five weeks now? Like, I mean, we it it feels weird to me to think that we have no metal,

you know, no backbone, no spine to tolerate something for five weeks. And and and what we're being asked to tolerate is to stay at your place.

You could still use the Internet all day if you want. Mhmm. You can eat what what you want. Now some of this is limited by folks that have been economically impacted, and I get that. Sure. That is a giant stressor, and it cannot be overlooked. Right? If you are if you are one of those folks that is affected by, you know, the being shut down or not being able to work at all, your company's not paying you, this is a rough situation, and I get that. And I get the added stress of that. But overall, what we're not asking you to do

is is to be part of, like, a a oppressed people. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, we're not talking about there's an occupying, government

that is treating you like a slave or less than a citizen or ignoring your rights or taking advantage of your family or anything like that. And there are there are societies and there are cultures that have put up with that with a smile on their face and grace in their heart for years, hundreds of years, if not thousands of years. And we get put on our the back of our heels for, like, five weeks being forced to be at our own palace that we got the option to create and decorate and set up the window. Own home. Yeah. We we created our own pharaoh, and now we're against him. We're like, this is the this is the pharaoh I want. And you're like, oh, what a pharaoh. You you had every choice in how this came about. And so, like, I I guess what I'm saying is, like, in big grand scheme perspectives,

if if this thing is wrecking you, I maybe I'm asking you why. Right? Like, now now once again, I'm willing to put aside things like economic impacts and people with with immunocompromised kids where you are just stressed out to not let anyone like, you're afraid for the health of your kids or your grandpa. Like, I I I totally understand that. The thing is is, like, if I take the number of people that that actually affects, I don't think it's that high of a population where I can sympathize with that part of the population. Certainly do.

I'd it's not everybody, but everybody seems to be it like this. Oh, this thing is just the worst. My marriage is struggling because you're spending more time with them? That that's the struggle because you go hanging out with your friends? My kids are driving me nuts. Now here's the thing. You're in charge of raising those kids. If they're monsters, that's your fault. Yeah. And you have time to reinvest. You have time to double back down, figure out where this monster stuff is coming from, get some grace for them, and ask some grace from them, and then start over. Right? If your kids are are are sitting around demanding to play technology all day or be entertained,

you're the parent. You get to put the old foot down and go find something to do. Write a book, draw a picture. What I don't wanna be bored. It's good for people to be bored. It's good for adults to be bored. It's good for kids to be bored. There's all kinds of good things that come from you just sitting, breathing, thinking. Right? That's why it's funny because what meditation is, boredom. It's you sitting around doing nothing. That's why we don't do it. That's why you you sit and think. Right? And people are like, I don't even have time to sit and think or like and but it's exactly what meditation is. It's half the reason we struggle with prayer. Right? It's because our job is to sit and be still and let god speak and not you, and not let all your ideas flow. And then as an idea creeps into your head, you go, god, kick it out. I just I wanna hear from you. Just let me be here for a while. And it is such a struggle. It is such it's it's most of the reason I know most people struggle with prayer is because they they they want they wanna blurt the thing out and be done with it and move on because they can't do the other. They can't sit and wait for god. They get impatient or their mind won't shut down and they can't force the things out, and it's a practice and it's a habit and and it's all these things. And so some of these things that we're being forced to do is is a equalizer to show us actually what we what we lack. What like, we're living in straw houses here. We're living in marriages that can't sustain six hours of prolonged contact without other people around. Married people can find all kinds of things to do for fun. A winkety winkety. You could do all kinds of board games with your kids. You come up with all kind of games out of your head. You know what I'm saying? Like, these are all things that, like you're like, I have a well functioning family unless we have to spend time together. Right. Okay. That's kinda sad. Right? I think we could double down and do something different here and actually find joy in the reason that we have to hang out with them. You know? It wasn't it wasn't that long ago. I don't know. May my great great great grandparents,

you know, were renting like a wood cabin in the woods somewhere, and winter came, and they basically shut the door and waited for spring. Right. Mean, they, you know, they they just prepared for for winter. I mean, they'd get out once in a while, I suppose, but, I mean, I'm only going by the movies. I saw, like, you know, Grizzly Adams and stuff. But, I mean You're a great grandfather, Grizzly Adams.

He was a good man. I'm just saying things slowed down in the wintertime in in the Midwest back in the day because you just didn't get out. You know? It was you just didn't. You didn't you couldn't. You know? You'd hit all the snow, and you get trapped, and and so you just you didn't sit there and whine, and the world didn't fall apart. You just did it. You just it's what what it was, and we're not we don't accept that. Yeah. Well, and it's a it's a sense that we have we can command what is a normal. Yeah. What is normalcy? And like and that's a really good example. Actually, think Mike was talking about this. About the

there's there's fruits and vegetables that you can get in the middle of winter that you shouldn't be to get. Right. Yeah. Like, there's just no and so but but, like, we we just when we talk about being in this time and, like, when can we get back to to normal, one thing I like, it's worth thinking, like, one, if if your whole year is very homogenous,

maybe that's not the most healthy thing. And, like, maybe your sense of trying to claw back to normal doesn't properly say, hey, is that the normal we actually wanted? Is is this like is there not are there not aspects of, hey, man, hanging around my place and being at home more and maybe not being tied up every day of the week and maybe not having my mind have to bounce from thing to thing and juggling movement and and having time to just kind of be present. You know, it's it's so weird is that when we fill our lives with things that try to to provide a definition to ourselves, like, hey. Here's a here's a sports I was involved in. Here's the things I learned. Here's the TV that I watched. And, like, we we have the opportunity to be great conversationalists

except for we add all these things in and then we don't have any time to talk about them. Right? Like, we don't whereas you go back, you go back a hundred and fifty years, that's all they had time to do was converse. Yeah. There's just people sitting around doing nothing but conversing. And they used to, like, read books and stuff. I mean, and stuff. Well, and and think about, like and and I it's it is funny because it's a it's a it's a huge, heartstring pull on on a lot of because we're having to do online church. Right? We don't get to gather as a community. You know? And and they're like, you know, I'm I I know you're all missing community time. And here's the thing. It's like, put this pandemic thirty years prior. Right? You got nothing. You got a phone call, and you can only talk to so many people at once. You could video con I can look at you. We could Jetsons style. Yeah. Hook up and and be in a room with, like, 20 people and converse and, like and and and and and we're acting like we have it rough. We don't have it rough. We have it way better than anybody in in history. If you were going to be quarantined to your home, you have every opportunity to talk to anybody you'd ever wanna talk to. Yeah. Nothing is taken away from you. I I don't feel like a Zoom meeting. I've done tons of Zoom meetings with all kinds of different groups. Yeah. I don't I don't feel like I have lost anything, in I I don't feel any less than if I had a meeting with him at a coffee shop. Right. I don't know if I just I'm just used to the modern age or something. I don't I don't I mean, I don't get off it and think, man, I sure wish I could see him. Like you say, I just did. I took him in. I just just saw him. I just talked to They didn't breathe on me. They weren't they weren't one of those, you know, close talkers. I mean, they could do whatever they want. I'm sitting here on the back side of my screen and having a great eye to eye conversation. Right. I haven't missed any of that. I've missed seeing people and stuff, but, mean,

I'm getting it. Yeah. You're right. Is is we're not trying to take away anything from like, god made us for community. That's his whole deal. He made a kingdom, and he's inviting you to it, and he's called he's called us the bride of Christ. Like, he's made us a community, and he loves community. Right? But, like, if we're putting in perspective of things that we should probably gripe about, if this were to happen to anybody thirty years ago, it would I mean, it would have been way tougher. I can seriously conduct almost every bit of business, every friendship I need. I can I I I text people? I chat people. We I call people. I could video conference people. It's insane on how well I can stay connected. And and and I guess what I'm saying is, like, it's it seems so ridiculous to be upset about the situation we're in past the fact that there's a virus that is harmful to people, and it is causing some economic strife. Those are completely understandable. But, like, the aspects where we're like, oh, I'm I feel I feel like it's driving me crazy being at home. I can't go out. I can't talk to people. Blah blah. I got no freedoms. What? I mean, you're mean, you're you're depressed. You're having a hard time with this, and, like, I get it. It's a change of what you expected. But this is this is classic Ben right here. Right? Like, things things that that are only you label things as bad because they're different than what you expected. But you never seem to put the mirror in front of you go, boy, what I expected was probably pretty off. Yeah. Right?

Instead of going, hey, man. I I I had this thing in my head, and it was just flat wrong. It was not right. I I had this thing of how I thought it was gonna go. You thought that we were gonna have a pandemic and everything's gonna be the same. And then when it wasn't, you were upset. So instead of going, hey. A pandemic's coming. Let's see how this is gonna shake out. I'm I'm good either way. I can be happy in my toil. Right? Like, we'll figure out what we're gonna do. And and instead, like, people let it get to them and and let them bum them out. I wanna hear the reports of people dying, but I don't want it to affect me. Right. Right. Yeah. Like, look at those bodies piling up. Ugh. Gotta get some toilet paper. Yeah. I gotta I gotta get all for me. I gotta get toilet paper for me. Oh, no. No. I'm good. You know what's super ironic is that most people are complaining about about the restriction of this situation on a social media platform of which they indeed have access to absolutely everybody,

including celebrities and government officials and people from all over the world. And they're like, boy, I'm really feeling tied up here. Yeah. And, like, it's just it's just like, no one's you're not Anne Frank. You know what I'm saying? Like, you're you're not locked in a thing hidden away with only irritating family, like, for years and years and years. It's it's it's just it's it's a perspective problem. And and we get so tied up in our expectations back to what Mike was talking about, our expectations of the world. It's it's the same thing when people get irritated. It's like, hey. I texted you, like, two hours ago, and you didn't respond. What gave you the the thought that two hours is a good timeline? Because, again, it doesn't take you don't even have to reel the line back that far. You could go back thirty years and you could call and there wasn't an answering machine

and there wasn't actually shoot. Thirty years, maybe there was. Forty? Time is really getting away from me. But but I mean, you go back quite a bit. Right? Like like, the the the answering machine was run by a tape, which you may or may not have recorded your thing correctly. True. And

if I missed your phone call, like, caller ID didn't show up till remember I was, like, seven or eight or something. And so, like, I don't even know that you called. You good good luck. You're just gonna have to call back later on and hope that I'm standing in this particular vicinity to catch your phone call. And if not, you might not talk to me for a week because I'm busy and I might be outside or doing whatever. And, like, you know what? The world wasn't exploding. And it well, here's the thing. It wasn't bad either. I remember being happy in those days. Right? Happiness was possible without that. Yeah. And so, like, it it really is. It's just boy, it sounds like we're a bunch of callback to the I know. That's not what I it is not what I mean. I mean, seriously, we run an Internet podcast. Right? Like, we embrace technology. Have before it was cool. Yeah. That's right. Everybody broadcast now. I'm just telling you, like, we've been doing this uncool for ten years. It's it's just saying, like, is are these things are are they like a good husband? Do they add to you? Right? Do they do you add to your wife? Like, it like, does does technology add to your life, or or is it your life? And that's that's kind of the big draw. And so, like, these the the video the video conference abilities and the text messages and and, like, Facebook Messenger, like, these add to me.

But it's but they they do have a very solid risk of of running me, you know, of, like, taking over your life, and you have to woah that up and pay attention on on on where you're putting all your weight. And I think I think what we're finding is a lot of people put a lot of weight on everybody else to define their success, their happiness, their goodness, their their, you know, their contentment, their peace, all of that stuff. Right? Like and if if if people aren't around to be able to give that to you, then you're just left with you and your wife and your kids and you go, you know, these kids are terrible. You know, that brings up a really good question and

maybe this is a tough exercise. Right? But like if you were to think sit down and really think and say, what what does it take for me to feel satisfied? Like, what is it? What what is occurring or what is what am I involved in?

What do my circumstances have to be for me to be to feel satisfied? And, like, not what should I, but, like, if I was being honest, what what is it? And, like, the the the not being at works is an interesting example. Like, here's what I found is I I work from home probably 50% of the time anyway, and so this was a change for me, but it wasn't as maybe it's not as mad radical shift as some other people. But, like, I thought it wasn't gonna wasn't gonna be as different, but what I've what I've figured out was that, like, there's there's a there it's built into my work existence that half the time maybe I stay home and half the time I leave the house and, like, all this stuff that's going on at my house is no longer really my responsibility at least, like, right then. Right? I've got bigger, larger macro things, but, like, I'm not worrying about who's eating lunch and what they're gonna have and feel like we just made a meal a little bit ago. And and all that stuff is like, I just get to drive away from those responsibilities. Now don't hear me wrong, fellas. I I totally get it, but I'm driving to other responsibilities of which nobody in your house cares, by the way. You will carry those on your own. Nobody cares. Gotcha. They got their own stuff going on, and they don't have to. And it's just your gig. You have two sets of responsibilities. It's your toil. That's right. That's this is your toil.

But they're but they're different. They're it's not the same level of consequence. And so I found that, like, I actually get a little antsy being around my house all the time. I'm just used to being able to go and, like, I'm actually, like, free. I could do whatever I wanted. I could stop at the gas station on the way there. I could go to work. I can walk around my work if I want to. Nobody's don't have I'm not accountable to anybody in particular. No one's really keeping an eye on me. I I'm the only guy that does my job in the Des Moines area, so, like, my boss is in another state. And so there's just, like, I just have a lot of I feel pretty free. You know? Like, a dandel's what I'm talking about. Like, you just gotta do whatever you want. Yeah. And it's I I work at home,

and so I'm holed up in our bedroom. I got, like, a a 900 square foot house. Like, so this is not it's not like we got a lot of space. I got four kids. There's not a lot of place to do this. I'm in in the corner of my room. As soon as I leave my room, bam, there's a kid there. There's a kid there. Dad, what's going on? And if I don't leave my room, if I'm not out of there every ninety minutes, someone's poking their head in. Hey. I gotta change my clothes. I'm you like, are changing clothes. Yeah. I wanna see what you do. Okay. That's what I thought. And you let let you let one in, there's another one that's coming in right after him, sneaking in the door. And so so here's the thing. It's a change. It's it's it's a shift. And I always thought I didn't think it would be as big of a deal. But I I I think the broad point is to say that, like, I just got used to this level of of freedom and, like, maybe there was part of me that goes, oh, man. I'd like to be able to do that. But, like, I don't know that this is satisfaction.

Like, do I do I say, I feel satisfied when I get to leave my family? Like, is that really what I mean? You know, it isn't. Right? Like, give yourself the better. That's not what you're intending, but just recognize that, like, what what if we what are the things where I say, boy, I'm really satisfied when I do these things these things these things. And I bet if I looked at my list, I might shake my head in a little bit of sadness and go, boy, I would say 70% of these are pretty shallow. And I I wouldn't have known that had I not taken the time to write them down. Think and then you look at the other three or four things on the list and I go, yeah. Those are the right things to bring me satisfaction

and to make me feel at rest and to make me feel at peace. And so is this a good time as any to to recognize, like, if if if being around the things that probably should bring you satisfaction or making you feel antsy, like, it's the right time to start cranking on that stuff, man. To to and and here's the thing. I was thinking about this is, Mike, as you were talking that, like, this is this is a great opportunity for, I think, a probably good lots of people. This is a really, really awful situation for some. Right? These are people like, there's people who are in rough marriages, rough home children that are in rough homes and, like, being able to go to school and being able to go to work to get away from certain things that are going on in your house and to not have that now. Right. Like, that's that's a legitimate

thing, and that's super rough. And that's I get that. But, like so just know that that's actually a thing for people. There's people who are in abusive marriages who used to be able to escape that, or at least the the dude left or the lady left for work, and then they they had a little bit of space. That space is not there anymore. Same thing with kids who got to be able to school. So that's hard. What you're going through, this thing like, get a little antsy when I don't get to leave the house and live free as a bird for four hours a day, that's not that's not the thing.

And so you need to have some perspective on what's going on around you. And secondly, recognize that, like, figure out what you are actually satisfied by, and maybe this is time to start focusing in on and say, look. If you took all this stuff away, should I be able to be happy, if, like, hey. There was actually nothing going on, and all I had responsible was to hang out with my family all day. And I was I was stuck with the food that I got and the swing set that I got and the three bedrooms that I got. And

should I be able to find satisfaction in that? And I this isn't we're not trying to chop your legs off and say, look. Don't don't aspire to to great things. But, like, there's there's there's joy in this stuff. And if you're not finding it and this is showing that to you, now's the time to dig in on it. Yeah. I I think overall, we're I'm I'm pushing for a little bit of perspective here. Right? And I think you're right. Like, there are people that are trapped in in bad situations, and this is really causing them a roast. You're I'm

eight out of 10, you're not one of those people. Right? Like, mean, you've been literally watching Tiger King. You watched it twice. That's what you've done and you're like, this is horrible. I mean, it is horrible. It is legitimately, you know. But like, you know, I I don't know. It's

I I can't think I can't seem to point put my finger right on what I think without wiping out an entire group of people, including myself. You know, right? That that that's that's over overly judgmental. Yeah. Right? But, like, overall, once again, like, I I recall this especially, like, there was a family that we are friends with and their son was in the hospital and, like, he was he was in rough shape. Like, he had coded a couple times and he was not doing well. And we spent the weekend up at the hospital. And I went back to work, like, that following Monday, and they said, hey. We've got kind of a big emergency. You need to drive a couple hours and go put this this hose on an engine or something. And I'm like,

that's not an emergency. You know? I mean, it's legit my job. I like, I totally have to do this. You know? It's not like I was trying to opt out of it. Right? But, like, they were my my my work was real fired up about it. They're like, called, they're angry, they want this thing fixed, and I'm like, what are they so upset about? I spent a whole I was at the hospital all weekend with a kid that almost died twice, and your emergency is some kind of hose on an engine? You you know? And, like, I I I think it's it's it's saying that, like, can we try before the the worst thing happens? Can we try to grab perspective before then? You know, can we try to get perspective before, say, your family member gets in a car accident and you realize that you threw away way too many hours toiling away on,

something you shouldn't have been, or that is perfectly healthy, but you could have traded that for some time with your wife before she got sick, you know, or or before your kids moved out of the house or whatever. You know, like, if you can catch some of those perspectives in the moment, then maybe you won't have to deal with so many regrets as they pass. You know what I'm saying? And and, like, some of these situations that we're bidding put in now, it's comedy. Right? Like, oh, you know, divorce rate's gonna go up. I hang around with my wife. I mean, it's only half kinda funny because there's some half kinda truth in that. And that's why it's kinda half funny and half not funny at all. You know? So, anyway, I I I I think if we're if we're moving forward on this thing because, I mean, it's you know, maybe it'll it'll trail out in the next couple weeks. I kinda doubt it. So let you know, let's talk about looking at some things with some perspective and some peace. And, while you guys were talking, I was started thinking

because we talk talk talk about, this a lot, what people do in online church and online whatevers, and, like, trying to think, last couple weeks how how your relationship with God is doing in this time if your community was the same. What if we were thirty, forty years ago? Like, and you were quarantined and you don't can't attend Zoom church. Now what? Right? Like, Moses out there in the desert on his own herding sheep for whatever years and, like, still holding reverence. Right? Like, there's there's there's all kinds of people that are that are following Christ

by themselves, like, literally by themselves because they don't have a choice. There's no community around, you know? And, like, is that you? Do you count yourself as one of those, you know? Or, like, are are you part of a community and that's the thing that's holding you in? Because the thing is about being hands and feet is is the hand would attempt to be always be the hand. Right? It it is part of a bigger body, but the hand's still gotta do what the hand's supposed to be doing. The hand only doesn't work just because. And so, like, I that was a horrible analogy.

Shoot. I wish I had thought that through. I guess what I'm what I'm getting at is is, like, can you imagine if everybody that currently goes to your church was a solid Christ follower on their own, completely on their own, regardless of the church. And then when it came together, it was like a meeting of the minds, man. You know what saying? It was like it was like the council of Nicea, these dudes getting together. Like, here's all the heavy hitters of people who are solidly following following Jesus. They they they submit everything to God in prayer. They're trying to figure out what to do with God's people, and that was your church every Sunday. That it was just a it wasn't you trying to trying to give people milk. Like, was everyone brought the meat with them, and they're willing to share, and they wanna talk about what the best meat for us to have. You know? And they're on hard solid foods. And, like, I know that's not the situation in your place. You know? And maybe I'm asking is, like, if if if all these things were stripped away from you and the community wasn't available and the online classes weren't there and whatever, would you do this on your own? Like, would you honestly do this on your own? What would that look like? Not that's not a condemnation towards you or a finger wag. I'm just asking if this if your community wasn't around to fence you in,

can you fence yourself in? Would you do this on your own? And and and would it be worth anything? Would it would it be well? I I think people a lot of people really don't. I was thinking about this a few weeks ago too, processing this whole thing. The the church we planted in Zimbabwe this this last year, we planted it because it there were two groups of people on either side of a river that would meet in one one church

group. And during the rainy season, the river got to the point they they just couldn't half of them couldn't go to church for a few months. I mean Yeah. They just couldn't. You know? And that's why I said, well, where do you where do you need a church? They said, how about here? We said, okay. We'll do it. And they they still were there. I mean, as far as they were faithful, as far as I know, mean, I I don't know everybody's story, but they they were really so grateful to have a preacher come in

to shepherd them. They wanted a shepherd of some sort. But but, you know, I I don't I don't know how how deep their faith was. There was there were some because they were very excited about the new church,

but there is something about having that ex you know, there god does have leaders in place to help and teach and that kind of stuff. Absolutely. But but yet that that's where I got a little little little crazed when when people are like, we haven't met for three weeks. The church is dying. It's like, the church isn't dying. The church is fine. The church isn't the church. I mean Right. Right. So so we haven't met in a particular building for a while. Mean, we're gonna be alright, you know?

We're just used to it every week. I I'm just I mean My mind's all over the place. I'm I'm Yeah. Well, but this I mean, the thing is is is you're right. And, like, we we're never negating that. We're never negating that god created us to be in community as a body of people. That is definitely true. That's why my analogy with the hand was so terrible. Right? Like right? We're fine. Everything is fine. Everything everything is actually fine. And and I I I guess are you using once again, are you using the community as an addition to you, or is it all of you? Is your is is your life of following Christ

would it would it not exist at all if if the teaching was not available to you or or your your council of friends? If you were how do you worship God if you are a shepherd that goes on a three month hiatus out to watching the sheep? And you're in charge of taking them up to the fifth field and it's two miles away and you actually just have to live there for three months. What's that look like for you? And and, like, does your does your faith change completely based on the situation? Right? Like, when you go on vacation, does your faith go,

Not to say that, like, you're a jerk because you didn't bring your devotional with you or whatever, but, like, what I'm saying is is, like, if you in times of the reason this is important is because in times of stress, without normal, does your following of Christ go somewhere else? Right? If you have normal if normal is there, then you attend Sunday, you attend Wednesday, you do a men's breakfast every third Saturday, and, like and and and you're there. But if that normal is taken away from you, including the online classes, you you just can't go, now what happens? And and maybe I'm asking if if if if things start to drift when a bad thing happens, then you weren't you weren't dipping in the well every day anyway. Right? Like, you were you were choosing to go back to the well when you thought it was necessary instead of instead of every day or on a regular basis or consistently with you, and and and it being your charge to get done. And and I don't know. I say all that to say, like, I feel like we the the church always lives in a little bit of a of a comet and a and a tail kinda operation. Right? Like and if the comet doesn't exist, the tail just falls off.

And and and so, like, if that's happening to you or if you or if you believe it might I was just I was wrestling this question this week to myself, and so this is not a finger point. It's Mike trying to figure out, like, if I was cut off for my entire church family, it was just me and my family, am I what what does following Christ look like to me as we shepherd for three months out in a field? Right? Do I do I even try? Do I is it even worth it? I'm not in charge of coming up with worship tunes. I'm not leading youth group. I got no one to talk to. No accountability guy. No radio show. I'm just out on my own with my family. What does that look like for me? You know? Mhmm. Anyway, just a a thought. There's a there's a theme in in that that ties that stuff together, which is some semblance of taking control of your life, of living your life intentionally

that says, I I'm I'm not I will not my life is not defined by either the circumstances that people are carrying me through or my reaction my negative reaction to people attempting to lead me. Like because it really there there are people whose lives are defined by either being led by somebody, and so they do whatever they're supposed to be doing. I go to the church here. I go to the church here. Great.

Or rejection of leadership of someone else. Like, I don't, I I'm not going anywhere on my own, I know I hate that guy and the thing that he's telling me to do. And so, the thing is is, like, the the the the thought of, say, a three month sabbatical with your family out in the middle everywhere is no different than a Tuesday. It's a conversation we had. I what was this? Like, six weeks ago or whatever. Right? Like, what are you doing on Tuesday? What are doing on Monday morning? It's it's that same thought that, like, are we are we so dependent on, the rhythms of the life that that is around us? I I this is what this is how my life goes when I go to work these days, and then I come home and my and somebody makes dinner, and then blah blah blah happens. We go to church Wednesday night, we go to church Sunday.

That's not true. Nobody goes to church Wednesday night anymore. But, like, but, like, that's the thing is that, like, if if that's you guys you guys are know this is a 10 attention in me because I think I think rhythms are good. I think I think consistency is good. I think habits are good. I think we've underdone the notions of those types of things. But the question is is that, like, if those things could be or is our faith grounded in the habitual thing itself, or are are we motivated to complete habits and,

and patterns and rhythms in our life because we value what they represent. Because the truth is that when you take them away but the thing that I value didn't go anywhere, and so I just find a different way to express it. Right? The fact that you didn't meet, it doesn't seem crazy. If the church doesn't meet for three weeks, you go, yeah, but I mean, god is still king. Right? And these people still love me. We're just being physically restricted. Okay. You know, nothing blow it doesn't blow you up because the thing that you cared about was still true and you knew it. But, like, if you're so tied up, there's like a spiritual OCD to it. Like, you have to be like, we we these are the rhythms that we do, and if I don't do the it didn't make keep the main thing the main thing. It it switched the

attempt to express what we care about as if it was the main thing. And so the same thing is true for as you think about just just trying to handle your life in the midst of disruption. Is it really is it really did it disrupt the thing you actually care about, or did it just disrupt an expression of it?

For for a lot of us, you you know, like, okay. I I I I don't go to the office every day. Okay. But, I mean, I still work. My work's not disrupted. I'm just doing it from somewhere else. Okay. Not not a thing. Hey. For to to Dan's point, I like to meet with I like to meet with people, and and I can't do it at the coffee shop, but I can do it over Zoom. Okay. The thing that I cared about is still intact. Mhmm. It's not disrupted. And so, like,

I don't get so caught up in things if the thing that I care about is still occurring. The fact that it's not at a coffee shop, but it's a Zoom meeting may not be my preference, but it's not a huge deal because the the thing I care about is still happening. And so, like, that's the big thing is that, like, are we some we run the risk of taking a disruption as if it was the thing we cared about. Do I really care because I love coffee shops and having that guy's butt in a seat within two feet of me? Is that what I care about? No. I just I primarily care that I get to converse with that person and see what's going on and provide encouragement. Is that still happening? Okay. Great. And it's it's it's just taking a right stock of where we're actually at, and it's it's it is perspective, but it's also making sure we just don't we run the risk of of serving an expression as opposed to the thing that we actually value. And then if you if you can keep your mind focused on that, you're just so near as likely to be disrupted.

Alright. And you're listening live from the path. That, tucks that one up. We're glad. Hey. What what are you thinking? Have we overdone this? Maybe you don't have a problem, but maybe that's just you. I don't know. Call the complaint line. Let us know how things are going with you. (515) 517-0085. That's a call or text. That's what you're most likely to do. Do that. (515) 517-0085. That's a live from the path complaint line, and we would we'd love to hear from you. Hey. We we had a cool little surprise Saturday night. We're sitting there, and all a sudden, on my Facebook feed, it pops up a Zimbabwe church was doing their live Easter service.

I'm like, I've talked to my wife forever about what church is like over there. Yeah. I said, man, you'd love to go sometime. She got to go to church in Zimbabwe with me. Oh, sweet. That was so neat. Oh, that's awesome. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And and they're doing the social distancing stuff. You know? So that's probably why we like, I'd never seen that before from Zimbabwe. Right. And it it was just really cool. Mean, it was just totally the experience. You know, the part of it was in Shona, part of was in English, just the way they speak and and how they do things. It was just so neat. It's like then I got to communicate with them, hey, love you from America, whatever I said. I can't remember. And and it was just kinda neat. Yeah. That's awesome. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It started the Easter out right. It's not that's not the church that you're that you're supporting, is it? No. No. No. No. This was like actually, I'd never been to this one. This was probably because this was in Harare, so it's a city church. Yeah. So they have a little more access to stuff like that Yeah. Than than out in the rural area, but we did ours. But yeah. Yeah. That was just it was still pretty neat, though. That's neat. That's neat. I love that. Alright, Mike. Let let's do let's do a little advice, and then we'll tuck this thing up for the Okay. Ready? Yep. Dear life from the path,

am I wrong to not want to attend a baby shower because my significant other's daughter doesn't give me the time of day? I've been with her father for ten years now, and not once has this girl ever asked me to go shopping, have lunch, or anything. I've turned the other cheek when it came to family functions on my man's side of the family, but she refuses to participate in anything I have. What to do? What? She's

having a baby. Stop making this about you. Yeah. Go to what? You should go to the shower. That's a new life. Celebrate. Yeah. But she refuses to engage with me at all, Dan. So what? Twice. Think this the perspective

thing. Right? Like, do you wanna get you wanna celebrate a baby or don't you? If you do, then you should go. I mean, this is not about how she treats you. This is how you treat her. Right? You can only handle yourself. Nobody there is there to see you at that shower either. They're all there to see her. You just be one of the people. Oh, cute. This is great. Oh, yeah. I I picked pink. What you know, whatever they do in the shower. I mean, does she feel like she's being wronged because she's being asked to, like, bring a gift or participate in merriment? And she doesn't want to she doesn't want to be joyful when she's been stifled by this kid for so long? So what? This feels like a duel. Okay. Let me let let's just let's put this in perspective a little bit. This kid let's let's assume

nothing crazy has happened and this girl's having a baby. She's 25 to 35. Right? Yep. Okay? That means that you got to be involved with her father when she was either between 15 and 20. Right? Tough age Yeah. To take on a new parent. Yeah. Right. Right? And and not to even mention whatever situation ended with the dissolution or non involvement

of her mother. And so I I I agree. Like, you feel like you've played the long game and it hasn't sussed out yet.

But the long game is called the long game because it's long. And like, it seems like you came around in a time that was pretty rough for a teenager anyway, you know, to have such a change of life. I I think you just need to be patient with this thing. It's I I I mean, it's I I agree. Your heart it's has a hard time taking so many slings and arrows if if you're being legitimately wronged and not petty here. But, like, still, if your intention is to do the right thing, then, you put on your big big girl pants and you keep doing right the thing. That's the definition of it. And and this new mother is gonna find out pretty soon. Up to this point, life has been about her. Mhmm. You're in your early twenties, your teenage, and you're old, all that stuff. Man, you you have a baby, and all of a sudden, you're you're second fiddle. That's right. You are the least important important person in the orchestra. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And and she's she's young. She's gonna learn this stuff. Yeah. I'd you gotta keep playing the long game. I like that. You you keep playing the long game because you have decades ahead of you that you can have a great relationship,

or you can choose to just keep flushing the toilet on it, but I'd say go. Yeah. Yeah. This is the wrong time to whatever we talked about, like, if it's the same thing like in an argument. Right? Like, you only have a fight if if both people are gonna be unreasonable and are coming to the So Yeah. Look, you're not you're just choosing not to do that. And, like, it's a little odd to be the person that says, well, you're basically saying she needs to rectify this first. She should do this. That's why it felt like a duel to me. It's like, who's gonna draw first except for the it's like a friendly duel. Yeah. I want the other person to shoot first so that I don't extend too much effort, and that's dumb. Yeah. Right. Does the right thing stop being the right thing because someone isn't agreeing with it? No. It continues to be the right thing, and you just continue doing it. Yeah. Okay. Let's see what Secular says. Secular says, in all this time, have you ever asked his daughter to go shopping with you, have lunch, or anything else? Did you receive an invitation to that shower? If you did, it provides a glimmer of hope that you can have some kind of relationship.

If you don't go, the ice will grow thicker, and it would be a mistake to let that happen. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, they did send you an invitation. I mean, what do you want? Right. A dancing band? I mean, they they invited you. That's enough. You should probably go.

Okay. Dear life from the past, I have an etiquette question. Yes. Oh, good. This is where we're strong here. I'm planning on an evening family celebration for our company. The question of dress code has been asked multiple times by a couple. I mean, I'm just assuming these are some snivelly snivelly office folks already. I find it perplexing that people are asking. Unless otherwise specified, for example, black tie, semi formal, business casual, or jacket required, shouldn't it be assumed that pretty much anything goes?

For this party, I expect people to show up anything from cut off shorts to cocktail dresses. I didn't think a dress code was a detail that needed a dressing. Am I wrong? Hey, you're definitely a dude. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sorry. You're you're wrong. Now here's the deal though. It's not like address it how you want to. Say, hey, you can wear whatever. I mean, if that's what you wanna do,

people are asking you a question because in absence of it, they don't wanna look stupid. It's the same per the same reason people don't wanna be like they find out that it's not a costume party and they wore the the Barney Ribble. No one wants to be in that position. And so, yeah, to save people embarrassment and nervousness, just say, hey. I mean, I wouldn't say no dress code because, I mean, that seems like risky.

But, you know, wear something that your parents might appreciate. Mean, I that's not taking up a lot a lot of space on the invitation or anything. Wear what wear what makes you feel comfortable as long as you're not comfortable in the nude. Like, I find you can find some way to say this. It's fun. But, yeah, like, you just don't, you're you're creating unnecessary stress. Just to just answer the question. It seems odd to me that you were in charge of planning an outing or a celebration for your company, and you had no idea how to interact with people to think that they wouldn't like, it'd be like, hey. We're having a party Friday night. And people are like, well, what time? Well, I didn't think I would have to specify. People just show up whenever they want. Where at? Well, you know. Things don't work like that. Right? People need to know it. Can they bring their sniveling kids? Can a kid wear wear a diaper only? Should I wear pajamas? You know? Tell me what the thing is. Yeah, man. Like, the core the core deal is that if you want people to show up and have a good time, you need to to make sure they're not worried about things. Yeah. And, like, no one wants to feel like, hey. It's an adults only party and they brought their kids. That's gonna be super embarrassing.

If it's, like, really obvious, like, hey. We're having a pool party, then you probably know what to wear. Yeah. But a lot of times, you don't know. I mean yeah. Yeah. Right. And what what actually, this is a weird idea. You you put a woman on the thing. Yeah. But ladies just have a better sense of this, generally speaking. Guys like I I expect anywhere from a cocktail dress to cut off shorts. First of all, he's thinking about ladies because neither of those twos are necessary hopefully, they're not dudes outfits. If Sean from accounting wears cut off shorts, that's a problem. But but, I mean I mean, secondly, you're gonna make someone feel awkward there. Like, just they and they have a hard time feeling like they can party when most people are, like, you know, cocktail dress or close to it, and then, you know, I don't know,

Felicia shows up with with cut off shorts and something a little bit too close to the vest. And so, like, you know, save people the embarrassment. Just give them some sort of guidelines. I you don't have to have it so open. Yeah. It's not restrictive. Zegler says, you are being asked because there's confusion. Clearly, is it a detail that needs addressing. And as a considerate host, you should clarify what you expect your guests to wear.

Yeah. I agree. I'm not I'm not sure why you're having like, you feel like you're being put out with to have to put out this information. It's weird. Well, so clearly the party person and not the detail person. Yeah. And it's like some it's good to have the party person on the party committee, but you need a detail person too. Yeah. I mean, yeah, if he's just the guy who gets everybody jazzed up and is super excited for this thing and is putting his money on it, then fantastic. But, yeah, Dan's right. You gotta you gotta get a reasonable person in there. Oh, boy. This one's a novel. I'm gonna try to get through it. Ready? Okay. Dear life from the path, I have been divorced for three years. I have been dating a woman, quote, Stephanie, whom I love and believe can be my next wife. We talk about marriage and have been very good for each other. We each are blessed with three grown children. We love our families immensely. The difference is Stephanie socializes only with her family and has few friends who aren't related to her. I, on the other hand, have a wealth of friends and like to do a lot with them, dinner parties, sporting events, concerts, traveling, etcetera. My friends are great people and she agrees with me on that. But when we make plans with them, she says she feels like an outsider and prefers to be with her family. Currently, Stephanie sees her daughter at least three times a week and her oldest son twice a week. In addition, her ex husband and his wife host family events almost every other weekend, birthdays, holidays, game nights, and she never wants to miss them. They're so close that there are no secrets and lots of inside jokes. I feel very much like an outsider at times. I love her family and they have welcomed me with open arms, but I can't seem to get used to this much togetherness.

Once my kids were grown and out of the house, I wanted to enjoy my life while they pursued their own fun. I'm at the point that I'm tired of her family, especially since her ex always seems to be the organizer of these get togethers. Don't want to hurt her or her family's feelings, but I would prefer more private time traveling or visiting with my friends and family, and we are not finding a good balance. They all attend the same church every week and even sit together as if they were still one big happy family, even though it has been twenty years since their divorce. She tells me that I'm number one in her life, but her actions say otherwise. What do I do? This is a daft man. Oh. A daft daft man.

If he does not see the similarities between what he wants from life and what his wife wants from life, then he is a fool. He is essentially saying

she she says, these are my group. These are my people. Here, just let's ignore the the distinction of friends and family. The wife goes, these are my people, and I like to hang out with my people. I've tried hanging out with your people, and it's hard because I feel like an outsider. Her perspective. His perspective. Those are your people. These are my people. I like your people, and I've tried hanging out with them. However, I don't feel connected. There's a lot of inside jokes and things, and so I prefer to spend my time hanging out with my people. Do we understand the similarities between the two stories? Yes. Okay then.

So you should sympathize with your wife. Start first off, and and, like, the I I don't know. It kinda got it felt like it went a little bit too far there at the end. It was like, you know, she says I'm first in her life, but I don't really see it. Like, I that's a weird that's a weird connection. That would be like her saying, hey. You like your friends, and now I'm not first in your life. Because he's been divorced, what, three years? We don't know how long they've been dating. Right? It's a pretty new relationship. He's been divorced three years. She's been divorced twenty. Yeah. Yeah. So they they don't he they they don't have shared inside jokes with each other's people Yeah. Yet. They just needs more time. Yeah.

Just brushing it. So the this is kind of the problem. Right? Is when is when you have a standard that says, hey. You know, marriage and divorce and marriage and divorce and whatever, and then you do this, and then you try to bring in story type or background things that would have occurred had you only married one person. Right? Like, so if you had a lifetime together since this is the only person you had married and now this was occurring at 45 or 50, yeah, this is weird. Right? This is odd that she's found a complete different set of people to hang out with. You have a complete difference. You're like, woah. Woah. Woah. This is weird. We should have some more shared experiences here. But when you come into marriage with thirty years, forty five years of background already behind it, yeah, the things that that made that person, the person that you love, are all the things that you're trying to either to pull them out of. Right? Like, her her people, her tribe of folks, right, like, they contribute to the person that you know and love. And, like, if I'm not saying this that she she's attempted to make some sounds like she's trying, you know, and it's just not working out just like you're trying, it's just not working out.

It doesn't mean that that, like, your marriage is is your soon to be marriage maybe is doomed to fail. It just means you have to take consideration that getting remarried later in life doesn't look like getting married at 22. Yeah. It just looks very, very different. You know? And, like, expecting it not to look different does put you, as Ben says, a daft man. Yeah. That's a that's a daft understanding of life. Right? A really narrow view. Well and and, like, like, you're in an interesting position. Right? You like to spend time with with all your friends. You like to spend time with the family. Like, this is this is put this something that everyone can understand. When you get married, you gotta figure out where you're going for Christmas. You gotta figure out what you're gonna do for Thanksgiving. And, like, okay. Sounds like you guys might be out and about a little more, but, like, what? She's visiting her kids and spending time with her family, and you like to do this other thing. You're gonna have someone's gonna have to make some compromises in here. You're gonna have to split time. You may not be get as much time with your friends. She might not get as much time with her family. But, like, assuming that you're doing it with an open mind, you will start creating memories and it won't feel awkward and it will take time. Like, if you're people who've been friends or family for twenty plus years and you've known for three, yeah, it's it's just gonna feel a little different, man. And if you're not invested in it, like, then you're looking at this entirely from your perspective. And if that's how you're entering this relationship, you got problems already. Like, you're gonna be in a rough spot regardless. And so And she doesn't seem angry at him. Right? Like, he's not saying, yeah. And she's also struggling with this. Right? Like, it seems to be as if the the fella is just he's he's struggling with this. She says, look. I'm okay with you having your friends I don't want you to stop. I'm just saying that, like, it may not be one of those things that we do together. I have friends that my wife has no interest in hanging out with. Right? It's just kinda one and and and some of her friends, they're you we just don't really talk about. Right? Cuts me deep. Right. They're her friends.

And so and and and that's all okay. You know? Like, that that's all just not that big of a deal. And and and once again, if you're gonna when you when you come into a marriage after have living a good chunk of life, this is just bound to happen. And so putting it in, like, this fairy tale glitter area where you think that you're gonna build brand new memories at 50 and forget everybody else Yeah. That's that's ridiculous. And so I'm I'm trying to imagine if, like, right now, suddenly, I had different wife with a different family. It's like, I like hanging out with my kids. Right. Right. You know? And one of them is pregnant. Right? I wanna see that child grow. You know? Yeah. I mean, I'm not I'm not gonna give that up. And I I I'll do I'll do yours too. Yeah. But but, yeah, may maybe they both need to maybe just cut back a hair so they can share with each other

or do some on their own or whatever. But, yeah. Yeah. You you can't don't you shouldn't expect either one of them to give up. Wouldn't you figure that, like, once again, when you start a marriage at that age, wouldn't you figure that you'd come come into it with some some forethought and some wisdom and go, it's not gonna look like we're like we're two broke 20 year olds living in an apartment trying to figure out how we're gonna get enough money to to to have a baby. That's not what this is. You know? And so, like, so, like, you the I I think you lose some of the the constant I need I need I need to be around you all the time stuff that you'd get when you were first married when you're twenties. And then when you're 50, you're like, yeah, I you know, you have a person that's going to love you. We will share a home. We will share our possessions. We will share our money. And you will go live out and enjoy life with your friends and I'll do the same with my family and and I will feel no ill will. I'm not worried about you out playing poker with the boys. Just do it. You 50. You know what I'm saying? And so, like, it does seem like he's idealizing what this marriage is gonna look like at their age. Yeah. That

maybe this is because some of the stuff we were talking about earlier in the show, like, your expectations are weird. It's weird to think that your sense of normal doesn't have to shift

when you leave one life and you try to create a new one with someone who already has a life established and that every that the stuff is gonna be the same and that you get to continue to live the same life in the same way with the same people. Like, you're saying yes to a lady. It's it's gonna change your affairs. And again, if you're not prepared for that, like, this may not be the right thing. You're looking at, one, it's a little selfish, and two, it's just the wrong expectation. You don't get to you don't get to do that. When you share a life with someone and especially when they have a life that they've lived before you just as you have, things aren't gonna be the same. And so the thing you can do is together, you find the right thing, the right sense of what normal is that supports each other and create circumstances of which, like, new memories can be created and new friendships made and blah blah blah. But, like, if you look at more as a contract, here's the stuff that I brought in and the relationship I have and those are the ones that you have and you keep yours and I'll keep mine.

I I agree with Mike. I think you you does not have to be totally intermingled. You can certainly have some exclusivity there, but it's just wrong. It's wrong to expect that nothing is gonna change about those parts of your life when you're trying to to marry someone because you're marrying their situation. You're marrying their their kids. I mean, kind of. You're marrying the their relationships with their families, and it's just gotta be different. And and you just you need to let that go and just know that that's that's gonna be the case and then figure out what it looks like in a in a better reality. Okay. Secular's advice is much shorter.

Secular says, I suggest you stop listening to what Stephanie says and concentrate more on what you see she's doing, then act accordingly. What? What? What? Stop listening to what she says. It's what she's doing. Yeah. I think secular is basically saying, she says that you're number one in her life. You're obviously not. She's not right for you. Oh,

yeah. Oh, that's stiff. Yeah. That's a stiff ice pick. What the heck ever, man? She's not number one in his life, mister social on the town. Yeah. Right? I mean, I don't know. I I I feel like we were a little bit grit more graceful to both parties here. That is some garbage advice. Yeah. Okay. Last one. Ready? Your life from the path. I have a good friend who, every time I invite her and her husband over for dinner, always assumes their 20 year old daughter can have a plate as well. They make her a plate before they serve themselves and take it to her. 20 year old?

And she's not, like, at the dinner. She's they're they're putting it as a to go. Yeah. I think so. I love this story already. I guess I don't mind, but I wish they would ask before assuming it's okay. Most of the time, I make enough food so I have leftovers for my boyfriend to take for lunch the following day. Is she being rude, or am I just being a not so nice friend? I mean, she's being weird. That's weird. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, is she in a wheelchair? I mean I mean, is there what? She bummed? I mean it is weird. No no doubt. Here's the thing. It's like, how good of friends are you with this? If if Buva came over to my house and made himself a plate and then made himself a to go plate, like, right at the crack of the meal, right at the start, I'd be like, hey, man. Are you having two plates? No. No. I'm bringing this home for my friend Dave.

What? I didn't invite Dave. What are you doing? What the wait. Why don't we wait till everyone's done? And then we'll hash we'll hash out the the leftovers. You could take some to Dave if you want, but, like, not at the crack of the meal. That's just rude. Yeah. Yeah. That's weird. That's wow. Boy, it's such it's so simple, though. Like, if you had maybe it's embarrassing or, like, maybe maybe the dollar is a slob or something, and they're they just because, like, it seems super easy to go, hey, man.

Before we go, do you mind if we take some leftovers home, my kid, blah blah blah blah blah. Like, whatever the right is actually going on. I think most people are gonna be like, yeah. Sure. That's no problem. Or, no. I'm not sure there's gonna be enough. Was planning on eating out for lunch tomorrow, man. You know, to pick something else on the way Depends how good friends you are. But, like, generally speaking, there's probably a way to handle this where it isn't a big deal. Yeah. See, now we've gotten way too far away from the honor and shame culture. Because here's the deal. None of this would have happened. Right? First of all, if you'd have taken the plate to not shame you, the the the host would always say, absolutely. You are more than I've made this food for you. Absolutely. Take whatever you need. But, like, the guest would not take more than the host is offering because that's shameful to them. And so, like, I I don't know what kind of creature you have grown up to be that you would just assume you can have a to go plate right off the bat and then put it aside? Do you stare at it all night? Is it tinfoiled with Robert's name on it or what? I mean, it's just so weird. Yeah. I mean, I I, like, I just see, like, somebody getting it and then handing it to his wife and going, Maggie, go put this in the car. And, like, she has to go out and put it in the seat or whatever and then come back in. And, like, there's just a very odd four minutes in there where they're picking stuff off and how what are they putting it in? Like,

are they bringing their own plate, paper plate, or, like, Tupperware? Because, like, you obviously can't take somebody's unless they're taking somebody's plate with them. Right? And an invitation to dinner doesn't mean that I'm inviting to take care of your whole household. Right? Like, once again, if I invite Ben and Amanda over for dinner and their kids are at home with a babysitter, I don't prepare SpaghettiOs ahead of time to feed your family because you came over. That is still your responsibility.

I invited you. Right. And, like, I don't know. I it's probably wrong to to assume that, like, ever just because you got an invitation that that it's a buffet. Like,

it's it's it's sometimes it backs to the owner's shame stuff, like, even, like, multiple helpings. You know? I I I walk that carefully. Make sure that if if there's plenty, maybe that's fine. But, like, to assume that you can, like, well, they said I could come over, and so everything is now at my disposal in their house. Like, that's rude. Right. I'll take two cigars. I'll eat some of them Twinkies they got in the cover. You know I'm saying? Like Yeah. It's just it's just weird. It's this whole thing is just I'm taking way out of town. I've taken a few Tums. I might need them Wednesday. Like, it's just

yeah. Yeah. That's that's weird. I I would bring it up. If they're close enough to invite to the house and it's happened more than once, then I'm assuming that you're close enough to them to go, hey, man. This is weird. What what's going on? What's going on? Wait. Why why is that? Yeah. Rebecca needs a plate of food. Okay. Well, feed Rebecca. I'm not feeding Rebecca. Yeah. I'm feeding you. Order her a pizza or have her come over or something. But, like, whatever this is is super weird. Because, basically, what it's looking as is, like, when someone invites you to dinner, it's not really the time to be together and share stories and have community. It's I'm taking the financial burden of you taking care of dinner today. Right? And so that means I will take the financial burden of you and everyone at your place, and that's weird.

Yeah. I'm super interested to hear seculars about that. Secular said, what your friend is doing is rude, but don't blame her for it. This is your fault for not speaking up when this first happened and explaining that the leftovers are intended for your boyfriend's lunch the next day, which is why you would appreciate her not taking them. A way to avoid this in the future might be to plate the food yourself rather than let your guests do it and immediately refrigerate whatever's left out of sight, out of reach. That's super passive aggressive. Yeah. Yeah. So you're gonna yell at the people for not bringing it up last time, but then you're gonna suggest that you take a passive aggressive approach and plate it for them like you're feeding them a hungry man. That's that's that's ridiculous too. No. That doesn't make any sense at all. Yeah. And then, like, hey. I'll be right in for dinner. You guys sit there and wait while I box all this stuff up so that you don't take extra.

Like, that's rude. I'm and here's the deal. Once again now, if if you let's say you're trying to play the part of a gracious host, and you know they're going to do this, just make now more extra food. Right? If you consider the third I mean, how big how many mashed potatoes are you making? You know I'm saying? Like, this this third plate is a real dent in your boyfriend's lunch. Right? First of all, I mean, just make one more extra helping so boyfriend can take the lunch with him the next day. Like, this is easily solvable on either way. Right? If you wanna bring it up because it really bothers you, then bring it up. If you don't wanna bring it up, just make more food and plate them a to go plate and give it to him graciously and say here. This is for Sarah or whatever. You know? Like, there's a thousand ways around this without being weird, but if it is gonna bother you, then, yeah, say something and get it over with. Well, yeah, I guess that that would be the thing though is that, like, it's awkward either way unless you're talking about it. Like, it would you just think of any quirky pay behavior that someone might have. If you're sitting there eating dinner and, like, all of a sudden, they they, like, I don't know, they both stand up and do the wave and it's just something. And, like, it would be awkward not to mention it. Like, hey. What are guys doing? And so I I this this is along those lines. It's an interesting conversation piece. Either it's a legit thing or these people are legit weird. Either way, it's just talk about it. Yeah. You can at least is there, like, a health issue or something? Like like, is there some way we can help? I mean, maybe maybe she needs more help than just this meal. I mean,

yeah, you think there'd be some type of conversation with this. Yeah. I mean yeah. Yeah. It's astonishing how weird this is. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it just takes the air right out of the room. You're like, what in the flying heck is going on? I usually try yeah. Usually try to put stuff through like my own life. Okay. What would I do or, you know, what would happen? Like, I can't even see this. Alright. You've been listening your life from the past. If you're these people, we would like to talk to you. Oh, man. Yeah. Like, we don't do the Skype very often, but, I mean, I will do whatever it takes to get you on the line and have you explain yourselves. Give us a call on Complaint Line. Call or text (515) 517-0085. We'd love to hear from you. Or maybe you you disagree with this advice. You think it's just fine

or have a similar circumstance. We'd love to hear from you. Yeah. I think they know who you are because I'm not inviting you to my plate. Well, I think they should stop by the studio and bring us food. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Can I have four plates this time? Yeah. And then I need to take some well, I told you I got four kids. I'm gonna you'd have to bring a lot. Taking a plate home for Sarah. I mean, what is right off the bat, not helping clean up afterwards. I'll be like, hey. I see you got six extra pieces of chicken. Maybe I can grab a couple for Sarah. You know? You're taking a a a premium plate for something that didn't show up. Part of the deal of getting the meal is that you came. If you wouldn't have showed up, you wouldn't eaten at all. Right? And so, like, why should Sarah be any different? If you come over to my house, and then I give you food. If you say, no. We can't make it Thursday, I don't plate up the food and bring it over to you on Thursday anyway. I wait till you can come over because that's the point.

Yeah. That would that's a that's a good point. That's a lot like saying, hey. We have dinner plans on Wednesday, and then I call Tuesday to cancel. And then I say, hey. By the way, can you just box it up for us? We can't make it. Can we still swing by and pick it up? We want your food, but we don't wanna hang out with you. You do the curbside pickup. You're basically a free rent. You're a you're a home you're a soup kitchen. You're treating them like a soup kitchen. I love these people. Alright. Hey. We we will see you next week. In the meantime, be faithful in the means. God will handle the ends. You've been listening to Live From The Past.