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You're listening to the live from the backstory. Wait up. Halfway Studios' Ehren Johnston proper. What did you do? I went to the Renaissance Festival again. And I'm a tell you what. I I I don't know. I I've talked about this last time. I don't think I went to a Renaissance Festival a couple years ago, and I came in here all fired up because, like, I thought the one thing that those guys do real well is is community.

Right? And and, like, they they they buy in to the thing that they're doing. Like, I mean, totally, you know, way into it. Right? And so And and a classic example is I was walking I was walking to go get some donuts or whatever, because they had the donut machine wafting right outside the gates and I'm like, this is sold. I gotta find all these donuts. And I walk I'm walking with this dude, and a guy comes past him and goes goes, be alert, kind sir. The sheriff is about. And the guy, like, dead pans it, goes, thank you for the warning. And then they just pat nobody cracks a smile. They barely look at each other. They're just like yeah. And I'm sitting there like, what is the sheriff really about? Should I be concerned? Or what's happening? And like and and and it stuck with me that, like, they pulled off, like, this brilliant

interaction and no one ever cracked a smile like they were in on the Oh, sad to be terrible at that job. Yeah. I'd be like, hey. No real sheriff here. A real That was a good one. And, like, they just they just nailed it. And, like, every time I'm walking around, they're like, I love your costume, man. I love what you've done. Mhmm. I love that big hatchet you got there. You know what saying? And, like, everyone's just just complimenting each other, and, like, it was it's it's there's a certain vibe of that place that I I'm just blown away with that would never pass walking down the street. Right? Like, can't just walk past the guy. I'm like, cool sandals, dude. You know, they're like, whatever.

And we had one of them in in church a couple weeks ago that was dressed like a pirate, and she was going to work at the Renaissance Really? After church. And and it didn't work here though. She showed up to church as the pirate? As the pirate. That's awesome. And I was like, I love your outfit, I think. I didn't know what else to say.

I just it it really is crazy. It's funny, like, the the things that you can glean out of different situations. Right? Things that like man, there's always a place where I get super reminded of God's love and the way that it should should work and should feel in the interactions with them. And and, like and and the the Renaissance Faire does that a little bit for me when it comes to how communities should interact with them. Like, there's nobody carrying a grudge. There's there's literally a wizard and, like, a a seventeenth century warrior wearing nothing but a loincloth and a funny hat. Oh. And then some guy that didn't dress up at all but was wearing a shirt that says, I love poles and and and giant horses. And, you know, and people are like, hey, man. This is great. I I love you. Hey. It's good to see you. You know? And, like, they're all best friends, and they're, like, all these different folks, and you're like, this is I mean, it's just kind of a cool vibe to be around.

Plus, they do a lot of reenactments of fights Yeah. Which are which are which are fun. And you can eat a turkey leg, and it's cool. Yeah. And no one's coming after you for the turkey leg? It's and you could buy a cask of root beer. So, I mean, that part's cool. Overall, it it really is it's it's it's it's interesting just to get get out of something that you would normally I I I didn't dress up for this Renaissance Festival. I'd feel ridiculous. Yeah. And not not because I think that they'd make fun of me, but, like, I I would just make this You'd be self conscious. Yeah. And I don't wanna show up and feel uncomfortable, so I'm just gonna show up as me. You know? And then people would interact with you, and you'd be like, I don't want you to interact with me. Yeah. Exactly. I don't wanna draw any attention to myself. I don't wanna talk like wizard speak, I'll screw it up or something. They're like, That's not an authentic English accent, sir. I'm like, Ah, man. I'm sorry, I'm a phony. So anyway, it was just interesting to go and glean a little bit of I'm like, this is actually

a really good representation of what a loving community how it operates, you know? So it was it was cool. It was a cool place to go. My kids had a lot more fun than What do you like, is there is there something So what do you think are the barriers for Christian community to to be that? Like, what why is that why is it feel so free? Now, mean, was granted it's like a weekend or like a series of eight weekends. Sure. But like, I I I don't know.

I think I've certainly seen, you know, aspects of that. But like, Christian community does seem a little bit more guarded, maybe. Well, I think it's because we don't have like like at a like that, there's no preconceived notion of what you're supposed to be doing. Right? Where, like, in a Christian community, we have a a a a pretty set out way of living and we follow the king. Where where I follow at a Renaissance Festival, that guy's a wizard. All I expect out of him is to be a wizard. And however he acts is however a wizard acts. You know, like, I don't have any standards of of behavior or expectation

of pulling any weight. Right? Your job is just to be a wizard, and you've nailed it. Congratulations, wizard. Well, there's something about putting a a costume on for a short amount of time that you just play the role too. Yeah. You know, Christianity is like, this is our this is our we're we're this is the real deal. And what I do today affects what I do tomorrow and and you some of you remember what I did five years ago and it's just it's it's just not the weekend event. It's it's extended real life without a real costume. Yeah. I mean, you know, we we put on fake masks. Yeah. I I'm everything's happy, everything's good And, you know, we we try to teach people to take those masks off.

So it's kind of the opposite of the Renaissance It'd be real downer at the Renaissance Festival if everybody was crying Yeah. And super upset. Yeah. I lost my job, but I got these tights. And I tell you what, there's some I mean, there were some tight tights on some of these fellas. I'm like, hey, man. I don't know. I don't know. That's gotta be uncomfortable. I just feel like a stiff breeze would be like, woah now. But I I don't know. It was like I said, it's it's

way it's out of something that I would normally do. Like, my kids really enjoy it, and and especially my oldest daughter, I think, really likes it. And and she brought a bunch of her friends, they just had a great time, you know, talking about stuff. And and, you know, I'm used to being kinda stodgy. It's just me. I don't I'm I'm not outwardly very fun, you know? More sarcastic and and quick on the speak, but not like, hey, let's, you know, do fun. Let's juggle. Yeah. Yeah. It's just it's just not me, you know? And like and and and maybe that's a little bit of it too, is I'm surrounded by people that are opposite of me. And I tend to really appreciate people that aren't anything like me. You know, like they're they're outgoing and jovial and they tell jokes and they're just really fun and energetic

and where I would find it annoying if I had to interact with them. But to just see them in their own element, I'm impressed. Know, I'm like, yeah, you're doing this is I'm I'm really impressed by what you're doing. So I know that was pretty cool. Actually, I I was having that conversation with like, my my two oldest

just are not getting they're not getting along. And they I mean, they just haven't for a while. And we we were kinda like, think they're just irritated by each other. Here's the thing, their personalities are different. Like they're strikingly different. Like like one is is more kind of

we prefers to kinda be by yourself. You know, go a little judgmental, a little harsh on the rest of the world and looks at the at at a kind of her younger sister and is is more so like who's who's more outgoing and whatever like, look at that person trying to draw attention to herself. Yeah. And like, this is the kid, my my

second oldest, is the type of kid who just like come up and look, oh, I'm just gonna have a hug right now. I'm like, you know what? I don't I don't like this. Can you get used to like I've had to train myself to be like, yeah yeah, hug, love it. Get it while can. But I don't. And so in fact, we were at a softball game two weeks ago and she stood next to me and just put her arm

like, on my like, well, just just like holding the side of my arm probably for like twenty minutes. And I'm like, this is it's it's the type of thing where my personal is like, is I don't what is this? Why is this even happening? But like, she's just that type of person. Yeah. And so but it it was interesting because we were talking today that like, they get really annoyed with each other. And I said, just tell me just give me some more information about what you get annoyed about. And like, what it basically is is that they both are are willing to look at each other's personality and and basically judge it for all the flaws in it. Like, oh, this one wants attention all the time. This one never wants to come out and do anything. I said, well, okay. So you've taken someone's personality

and you said, here's what can go wrong with this type of personality. Tell me what where there's value. When someone who has a personality like that, how can that be positive for you or for the world or whatever? And so like, getting to the example of like people who are kind of outgoing is that like, boy, like my my second oldest kid can like talk to anybody. She can have a conversation with absolutely anybody. She doesn't find it awkward. There are like and that draws attention to you. And like, it draws attention to like, kinda bring people together and to to engage them in conversation and to be it takes energy to interact with people in that way and to ask questions about their life. We're like, I I realized that like I almost I rarely ever care about a detail. It's why I don't do small talk very well. So I'm like, oh, yeah. Hey. How's it going? Oh, I had a rough day at work. Oh, that sucks. That that might be as far as I get. That's about all I'm Someone might go, oh, really? What happened? Or where do you work at? You know, like normal things the conversation might happen and I wouldn't do. And so No wonder we can't interview people. I know.

I don't particularly care. But but, like, here's the thing. What did I I was where was I at? I was somewhere, like, in line at the Menards or something, and I heard some guy behind me fire up a conversation, and he asked the second question that I would never ask. Yeah. And I thought and he he was having a nice conversation with this person, and I thought, it's just not in me. Yeah. Like, it's not in me to ask the second question. I I I'm it's transactional information. Rugged in? Okay. My wife does that. She'll ask the third and the fourth and the fifth question. I'm going, I was ready to leave twenty minutes ago, and you're still talking to this person. I said I said goodbye. I mean, we don't That's right. And I'm standing here awkwardly just waiting for you to ask don't ask another question. We'll get to the car and say, you just asked too many questions. Well, they never quit talking. Well, you kept asking questions. Right? So we stopped at a Village Inn to grab a pie for somebody. Right? And I go in there solo. Right? And I come back into the car with the pie, and I'm like, hey, man. Your your uncle was in there. And she goes, oh, he was? I'm like and she goes, you go say hi? I go, no. Why would I do that? She goes, well, why not? I go, I don't know. What do we have to talk about at the Village Inn? Hey, man, you're the Village Inn. I was there for pie. Yeah. I was just getting a pie. She goes, well, that's rude. I go, he didn't even know what happened.

Oh, man. I have fled people into the store because I thought I did like, I didn't want to make them feel like they had to say hi to me because I would appreciate if they did that for me. Yeah. Now they're the type these were the type of people who probably would say hi and be excited to see me in the store or whatever. And like, I will dodge people I care about and like as people simply because I don't wanna have to have a shallow conversation with the store. So I've done that.

So like, you're right. This is why we can't interview. Exactly right. We're not we're not good. We should have a talk show. Yeah. So you play music, you put an album out. Okay. Great, man. We'll see you. Great. Let's let's have it. What would what would someone who likes people ask? But like but that that was the big point though, is that like, if you can get to a point where you actually start to enjoy people for what for the their personality and that makes them different and appreciate it without one feeling like that it has to be you, but also allowing yourself to be stretched and saying, I mean, it could be some of me because it is a bit ridiculous to hide from people in the Menards Yeah. That you know and like Yeah. And to not say hi to pseudo family at the village inn. I mean, I know this man very well. Yes.

This was terrible. Like It's and so, like, do I rec can can we recognize in this room as fellas that, like, you know, we probably have some room to grow in this area? No. We definitely do. Yeah. Maybe. And so so anyway, like, the the big thing is and like, this is where it kinda goes back to the conversation we were having a couple weeks ago around around humility. There's just a nature of like, hey, man. Maybe my my gut reaction to the world, whether it's speaking

on something or reacting in certain way is not implicitly good. Maybe I should hold tight, watch someone else interact in a similar situation go, hey, man, maybe they're onto something. Maybe there's something here that like I I I it's a hard conversation because there's parts of me that goes, look, you gotta recognize who you are as a personality. Alright. Ready? I'm gonna tell a personal story. So I me and my wife me and my wife tussled on before I came to the show. We got home late from a softball thing. I had to run to the the store and get something for for redoing the floors and I get home and I've got like fifteen minutes where I need to leave to get to the show. This will not be a surprise nor is this offensive to say on these quasi public airwaves. My wife means like, the clock means nothing to her. I mean, absolutely nothing. It does not it does not she will be thirty minutes late and it does I mean, we recognize it but like it it means very little.

For me, like I'm not great at being on time but like I really hate to not be on time when I had the ability to do it. Like when I was possible to do that. And so we're running behind and she was trying to work on something and she's like, hey, can you just stay here for like another ten minutes? I'm like, I gotta get to the show. And she's like, hey, you made up the time as to when the show meets. It's not live. What does it matter? I said, well, other people are gonna be there.

I said, you tell me Mike never shows up late? I'm like, well, I mean, sometimes he does. Hey. Why don't drag me into your domestic She goes she goes, you know, Dan, or will you show up a few minutes before? Just give him a heads up. He'll just wait fifteen minutes before leaving his two minutes from his house. I'm like, I hear what you're saying. I just prefer to be on time. Like, I would like to be there when I said I was gonna be there. I I I I I don't like to be the guy where it feels like I caused an inconvenience if I can avoid it. Right? I just even if it's something we're like it's not like you guys were gonna be mad or something. In fact, I sent a message and you're like, oh, okay. Fine. It was not really much of a conversation. But like, there's just it's in me that Tid Top either. And I think there were probably other solutions where I probably could've still left. We have three other children. They can watch the little one or something. But like, it's but it's a personality difference. And what I was thinking is I was thinking as I was driving to the show is I thought, here's what I know about my wife's personality is that the the clock doesn't mean much to her and it means something for her to to accomplish whatever something she want. That's what's important to her. Mhmm. Even if the clock even if it impacts the clock.

My personality is one that I I I just I would rather be the guy that faded in the background and and like I stand out if I'm late. If I showed up late to something, even if the people around me wouldn't care. I prefer not to be the the the person that was the the the reason people had to wait. Mhmm. And I I was what I was trying to think through is like how much do you how much do you cater to someone's personality? Because like, although I know that I I know that about my wife and I probably could've just thought through that and go, look, just just tell the fellas you're gonna be fifteen minutes. Don't even mention that you're late for the show because one, it doesn't particularly matter to her. And and two,

this is just something you can do for her. And then I thought but then did she have any liability on my behalf? Because like, obviously, like, I value this. Can she value that too? And we're I mean, we're 15 of marriage here. And we're a bit standoffish about this particular item. It's no one who's particularly willing to value

other person the other person's personality. The hold on. The whole reason I was telling the story is thinking about looking at someone's personality and I think there's value in kind of without putting them in like a super solid bucket going, okay. I mean, I kinda get how they how they they're a little bit more gregarious versus they're a little bit more reserved. There's value in knowing that, but there's also risk in trying to restrict people to that. Like just because I have a reserved kid,

it doesn't mean I gotta go, oh, well, you're reserved so it's okay to act this way. It's like, well, may maybe God's changing that in you. Maybe other people around you are trying to tug at you a little bit so you're a little bit less reserved and a little bit more willing to not hide from people than Menards as an example. Right? And so it's just it's an interesting thing to, like, recognize what you're predisposed to without otherwise codifying that as an idol and going, yeah. I mean, it's just how I am. I gotta be somewhere on time and you know I flip out. Was like, well, maybe you shouldn't flip out. Yeah. Maybe you should calm down a little. Yeah. Right. Right. And so I I don't know. It's it's an interesting it's an interesting walk and it's interest it's more interesting in closer relationships because you there's a point in which you're like, you have to stop being surprised.

Like my wife has never really cared for the clock. And so, know, year twelve of our marriage and I'm like, don't you care about whether we're on time? I'm like, no. I mean, you know this. What's the matter? Still don't. Yeah. But my outrage is misplaced even if it's accurate, it's just misplaced. And so I it's just an interesting thing to think about per people's personalities and whether one, you're you you recognize what you're prone to but also still open to be able to change it. I think it goes remember we were talking about like,

know, where where where you walk in and, like, you pass the same pile of laundry for, like, three days, and your eye didn't even register it as being an issue. It wasn't even a pile. You're just it's just part of the room, you know? No big deal. And it never ticked your box. And as much as you'd want it to, it never will. Right? Like, it's just not in you to look at that and go, that laundry needs done. You just walk in going, where's my watch? Where's my watch? And your brain is going, pile of laundry, not a watch. Bed, not a watch. You know, whatever. You're just like, where's the watch? And so and and and so a lot of that stuff, you know, is is is giving your spouse that same, you know, attitude where you're like, how is it because I I like, that would frustrate me slightly as well, where I'm going like, how is it possible that you don't, like, I live my whole day off this clock. I start work by this clock. I leave work by this clock. Right? You set appointments, doctor every everybody else in the free world has agreed to the clock. You know? But like, on the other hand, if you were to try to talk to me about that pile of laundry, I would have no defense for myself, but I'd be begging for mercy. Look, I didn't see it. I honestly, I would do I would do better if I saw it or it registered to me, but it does not. It's just not important. But it's just not important to And so, like, some you're right. It's it's it's very difficult to go mean, it's nice to know your own tendencies. Right? Yeah. You know, to say, look, I I realize and so, like like, I parlay to my wife when it comes to the, hey, man, everyone in this house has passed by this garbage can that has been seven tenths full, like, for the last week, and no one thought about taking it out. And I'm looking at the kids like, where'd go, fellas? You know?

That we're all in trouble. At least one of you should be like your mom and notice that the garbage can is getting full. And, like, every time I go to the garbage cans, I think, I bet I could put one more thing in here. Yeah. There's any reason to dig this thing out. Doesn't seem to be falling over yet. Yeah. I mean, I will get it when it's, like, spilling over and causing a bunch of trouble. I'm like, time for the garbage, with a smile on my face. I don't actually care. You know? But, like, if you try to find me at, like, 95% full, I just I just throw stuff in and go, this looks fine. We're gonna move on. So so so when my wife says, hey, you guys need to pay attention to this garbage mower, I'm like, she's probably right. Yeah. I don't actually have a gauge for this. And so if she says it's time, it's probably time. It's probably time. And so then I check every two days and just take it out, whether it's ready or not. I'm like, you're out of here, garbage. Now now that we're living alone and everybody's moved out,

I I started this habit a few weeks ago where, like, if there's a pile of dirty towels or something, I just threw them down the stairs. It's a split level thing so I can just walk down the hall, drop it, it's just out of my sight. I think, okay, now it's close. Don't have to carry them, you know. It's like, I think it's really convenient. But then two or three days goes by and they're they're still laying on on the stairs, you Like a hobo statue. Up there. And so my wife pulls me aside the other day and says I mean, like, was really intentional. Was like, hey, I just want you to know that that really I just really don't like that. I mean, I just you know, don't know. Someone comes over, they're gonna walk over and there's like underwear on the steps, you know, and I'm like, oh, okay. That's fair. You know? Yeah. Yeah. I sometimes I just throw them down and, you know, forget or whatever. And then today, I came home for lunch. I thought, I'm gonna save me some money. Grilled a couple burgers and and I thought, I'm gonna throw these towels down. And I threw the towels down, went back to work, totally forgot about it. I'm sitting in the middle of this this radio thing I and and and I think, oh, no.

Done when I home. I mean, like, she, like, totally pulled me aside and really politely. Yeah. It's like, please please don't do that. That that was intentional. Know? Yeah. That never happens. Right. And I, like, totally did it again. So I pull out my phone and text you, oh, I'm really sorry, though. Yeah. I've done the same thing. Yeah. That's okay. Boy, I'm sitting in your seat a lot, Dan, where you're like, I will do better next time. Like, I was trying to be good. And you're like, I didn't do better. Why am I so bad at this? I'm a dog going to the garbage. And like and that's the thing is you have to look at your wife, and she is so disappointed in you. And you're like, I am disappointed in me as well. It wasn't that big of a mask. I can't do better. Like, for the five minutes we talked about it, I'm like, this is your flagship, Mike. You have got to live and die on this principle that she's taken the time to tell you. And then a day later, you're fouling it up and you're like, what happened, you boob? I'm an idiot.

Oh, This is why this is why like the hyper the hyper religious focus on how sinful we are, I think distracts from a very the very nature of humanity. Like like, without recognizing

that even in the small things of not doing the hobo towel stack at the bottom of the of the stairs there, like, we just are terrible. We just like, you can have every intention to handle this right and then you find yourself doing the exact thing that you didn't intend to do. And the Lord Jesus looks out and goes, yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. That's then he goes, this is why it's not reasonable to die on the cross every day. I had to do this once and I just say, look, it counts for perpetuity because you guys are borderline ridiculous Yes, sir. With some of this behavior. And like, the I I was listening to some guy talk about about his church's focus on kind of human depravity

and it there was a there was a phrase that somebody mentioned and I thought it was a really good one and it was like a half truth that's stretched to be a whole truth becomes an untruth. Right? And so like a hyper focus on one thing

that doesn't sit in context of how, one, how humans are and how God has reacted to human behavior. Like, it's the type of thing that drives someone to misunderstand how God looks at them when you when that's the only thing that sits. It's an it's a true thing. It's a true thing that that Dan threw the towels at after he was not supposed to. That's a true thing. And it's worth focusing on. And it's worth repenting of and turning from and doing doing the other thing.

But if that became the sole focus of the relationship between Dan and his wife for the next six months, I think we could all recognize that's not healthy. Yeah. And it does it's not a proper representation of one of Dan's heart for the this is why Jesus doesn't require you to do anything specifically to otherwise earn your way into heaven. It's because, again, this type of behavior.

Our our good intentions, he goes, look, you need to Luke's the the the the Luke's telling of Jesus's gospel has Jesus reiterating kinda multiple times that, look, the the the way to the kingdom is recognized is is saying, I I I know I need you. It's humbling yourself and saying, need you and I submit to you as king.

The the qualifications around there aren't anything that says, I will do this perfectly or you will come down and beat me up. Like, it's it's it's not any of that. And so, like, the value of saying I know I need you, I mean, the the the there is there's a there's a humility to that, and you do need to recognize your own depravity. Like like, at the the extent that Dan comes up with the idea to put the towels down there and his wife goes, hey. This is not a good idea. You're like, I know I need you. I know I need you to tell me when I've come up with the wrong thing and gone off the path. I appreciate this because you've set me on the right one. And so anyway, was just it was just interesting on how sometimes

that becomes a hyper focus of and there's certain like a lot of reform thought is even is bent on this because they want you to see the value of the transaction that Jesus has executed as opposed to the relationship that he's initiated and made possible through this action

of which there there is context to your your base nature in in in doing things the wrong way but it has to sit within the context of how God goes, yes, I know you're like that. That's why I've made a path. I've made a way for us to still have a relationship because I love you just like I've, you know, you make a way to otherwise try to resolve any type of relationship issues of which people were handling themselves wrong and you're trying to to rectify and bring everything back into right relationship. It seems it seems like a tough dichotomy though, right? Because like from the offended's point of view,

you know, you could say the story as in like, man, I just I meant to do this. Like, it's it's Paul. Right? Why do I continue to do the things that I don't wanna do? Yeah. You know? But the truth is, is like, I don't accidentally cheat on my wife. I don't accidentally steal something from the store. You know? And so, like, from their point of view and from a logic point of view, I would look at it and go, look, I can tell the things that mean something to you because you don't accidentally screw them up. Now when it comes to the laundry or the hobo pile or your timeliness, then I would say, you know, maybe you want it to mean something to you, but deep down, it doesn't. And that's a problem because you know it means something to me. And so is there a line to be able to look at this thing and go because I I to be fair, even when not interacting with another human, I will let my own self down. Right? Like, I will intend to do x, and then I will like, do

it on on any any grand scale bible reading you've ever thought you were gonna do. I'm gonna get up every morning, then I'm gonna read a chapter of Romans, say to yourself, and yourself is all fired up Sunday night at 09:30 before you hit to bed. You're like, I'm gonna do it. It's gonna be the week of the Romans. I'm gonna walk the Romans road. Mike is the Christian. And then and then and then the alarm goes off at 05:45, and you go, nah, man. I ain't getting up. Romans ain't even in your head right now. And then here comes 07:15, and you're like, time to get Oh, man. I failed the Romans already. It was day one. Why am I such a bad human? You know? And so, like, to be fair, it happens to yourself. You just don't beat yourself up over it. You're just like, well, whatever. I know me. I I was bound to do something like this. Yeah. So once again though, in actuality,

the things is it because you give more weight to certain things and therefore, are you guilty of ignoring said party or your own best interests? Or is it what is it? What is it that causes that? This is difficult because like the a lot of that stuff is like just flat out

well, actually, let me relate this to conversations I have with kids. It's like one of the things that I think frustrates my wife and I about this about talking to our kids about this is that like I I don't like I don't like behavior modification. Right? Like, want heart transformation. And like what it feels like I'm trying to do with those two older ones is like, look, you just need to be kind. You need to use kind words. You need to blah blah blah. And it feels just like straight up behavior modification with the core worry in the back of your mind. Like, do my kids just not like each other? Like, flat out. Do do they not in fact, my wife asked them today. Look, can you just tell just say it. If this is the case, because then we can at least start from a different, you know, premise. But like both of them would insist. And maybe because they think it's the right answer. But like, I I also think it's probably true. Like we do actually like each other and then say, okay. Well then your notion of saying,

I like this person, I love this person, and how I treat them don't actually align. And and as I was having that conversation with him, I they gave the example of like a husband wife and I thought, I'm a better husband now than I was fifteen years ago. I'm a less selfish husband than I was. My wife has is changed over time as well. Like we are a better married couple than we used to be because not just because not just because the heart and stuff is magically transformed

but because we say the words, hey, we love each other and then we we can recognize where we're falling short of that. We're like, we've behaved in such a way that goes, you know, people who say they love each other probably don't do that. That's probably not that probably doesn't align. And I'm gonna have to be very intentional about changing that. And I think I think we we run the risk of making it too idealistic on making it sound like, hey, if I just if I just really love her in my mind or love Jesus in my mind, all of a sudden things are are gonna just All load us the trash. That's right. That's that's right. Because here's the thing.

I love my wife more than anybody else on this planet. And I and I don't get the trash thing right all the time. Right? And it's not because I don't love her. So, like, there is a notion of saying of of recognizing this is how I feel, and then continuing to always evaluate your actions and say, well, if if this is what I actually feel like, then how I'm behaving doesn't align with that. I need to align. Like, that's a notion of repentance, really. It's a notion of sinning. It's like you can love Jesus and still have and still sin.

The the the difference is to to recognize and go, you know, I I I really do love Jesus. I don't wanna fall short like this. It will take me effort and intentionality to not continue to do this because it doesn't align with what I actually believe to be true. And it's such a weird thing because it starts to treat yourself like you're a separate entity from yourself. Mhmm. Like because you're like, this is what I think, but here I did this thing. And it it feels like there's a there's a chasm between

your fleshly desires and and your inner soul. And I think that there is. Yeah. You've been yourself. Yourself is not trustworthy. Well, and you you love your wife more than anyone, but but every once in while, you still love yourself more. Yes. Yes. And and so you will walk by and intentionally not see the garbage because you know if you look at it, you would consciously go, I need to do that. So I can't leave it. I mean, I'm that way. I'll be like, I don't I don't tell myself don't look at the garbage. But I I if I were honest with myself, I mean, I I had to have left that door today thinking, you know, there's a pile of laundry Yep. Yeah. Six feet from me. Yep. Yeah. But I I But I'm on the way to it. I got places I got things to do. Yeah. I'm just what it's like. Laundry's not that important. And I think that we do that with our faith. I love Jesus. I'll do anything for you, but I really wanna do this right now. But I wanna do this thing. Yeah. It's it's like you you remember the do you guys read the Every Man's Battle? Oh, yeah. A while ago. Yeah. So so like one of the things this is about trying to teach guys from sexual temptation.

And like one of the deals is is is the bounce, basically. Yeah. Hey. As soon as your eyes land on something that doesn't belong to you or or just potentially Can't help but if you see it. Yep. It's just there. Yep. Then you get you gotta bounce from it. So you you take it in and then immediately, you kind of just move on to something else that kinda takes your mind off it. On the opposite side of what you're actually going for, that's a lot of this behavior. Hey, my eyes landed on the garbage can? Bounce. Yeah. Yeah. I I don't wanna be tempted. I don't wanna be responsible for that. And so I'm gonna let my my eyes bounce. Like, here's the deal. My washing machine is in my bathroom. We moved it upstairs because my wife didn't wanna go in the basement. And so every time I am in the bathroom, I'm looking at laundry. And like, I have to be intentionally,

you know, bounce bounce. I'm not gonna think about the laundry. I gotta do something else. And like, that's the thing. I allow my my eyes to bounce on things of which my wife would come in and her eyes are right on it and going, oh, shoot. I gotta get I'm I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna get on to that. Yeah. Or Ben should have done that. Yeah. What? He he let his eyes bounce. He did not let it tempt him. And like, some of these things were like, you're bouncing to avoid temptation. Maybe you should hop all in on the temptation of taking out the garbage. Or if like and we're talking about like somewhat shallow things here. But like, you think about the Bible reading, I knew so my wife gets up at like, I don't know, 06:30, 06:45.

It sets an alarm, gets up every morning because like the kids are hoolums. You can't get anything done. And that's when she does her Bible reading. She's up reading her Bible. And like she does it outside. She loves the outdoors. It's God speaks to her outside. And so she's listening to to music and she's studying and it's it's getting colder out. Right? It's 45, 50 degrees in the in the morning and she's out there reading outside. And like, I remember Sunday night, I thought, you know, I know that it really means something to my wife for me to get up and go outside with her. And like, I don't that's that's not my god love language is that sitting out in nature in the cold Mhmm. Listening to something, doing a journal, like it's just it's I wish it was, it's not

but like I know it's value I need to do it anyway and it's valuable to her and I thought I'm gonna I'm gonna do that. Nope. Nope. You didn't do it. Nope. I didn't do it. I I the my alarm went off and a kid had ended up in our bed and like, what I had in my mind was if I move, he's gonna wake up. Now that's possible because he's a hoodlum. But like, it's also possible I could get out of that bed and be just fine. Or could like sneak out and see if he rustles and then, you know, continue the rest of way. But I convinced myself that like, yeah, no. I'm just I'm gonna leave. I don't want her to be disrupted. This is ridiculous. Don't I want her to be disrupted, and so I'm gonna hang out in this bed. So I end up getting up at, 07:30 where I work at eight. Even if it's from home, I got stuff to do that has to get done before I can start working. I don't have time to go out there and sit with my wife. And I thought, this is it's just I I had great intentions because I love her. Yeah. And then the next morning, it just it did not happen. I allowed my eyes to bounce and say, I will not be tempted by this thing at this moment. What? And it's a false sight. It's harsh reality to realize how many times during a day, even just based on that story, I go, because I don't want to. Or, I want to. I'm a do it because I want to. You know? And like, if you had to look at back Like, your brain is firing. I mean, mega fast all day. Right? And like, if you had to look at a graph at the end of the day before you went to bed, I think you'd be really shocked on how big the

because I don't want to pie is. Right. Where you value yourself to be a humble, Christ following, wife loving, supportive, pouring into her kid, encouraging

person. You're like, this is what I am in Christ, this is who I am. And then if you were to actually look back at your graph, you'd go, boy, I didn't do that at all. It looks like I did. And that's why you're able to pull off the charade for so long. But like, it's the things like, I think those are the things that the Holy Spirit like, when they say that like like you have a when they call it a walk with Christ, this is what we're talking about, right? Where where the Holy Spirit starts eating away at that graph, Right? Like, it should

start shrinking the longer that you know him, and the longer that you're following Jesus, the Holy Spirit gonna start coming after every bit, and he'll take as much as you'll give him. Mhmm. You know? And I'm I'm sure you're gonna wall off some rooms and go, I don't care what it looks like. 05:30 is not my awake time. I don't get up at no 05:30 to do anything. I don't care what it is. Right? And so, like, you'll say, I have full intentions to fire up the Deuteronomy study today. No, you don't. Like, you want to. You have the intentions there. You're not a jerk. Right? And you're not a liar. Yeah. But like, you're also going, as I know when 05:30 hits, I'm gonna go, nope. Do

do do not do the run of me. Not today. Yeah. And I think I think that's what's difficult, is that like, it's hard it's hard to reconcile the fact that, like,

you really do want to do those things. Like, it's it's it's not dishonor because I think you could easily say, hey, Luke, if you really wanted to do that Deuteronomy study, you would have done it. Like, it's not that simple. I wish phrase all the time. Yeah. Yeah. I wish it were I wish it were that simple. And I I I don't say this like this is no one wants to accept this because it it seems to allow a very slippery path of which seems to allow you to go like, well, my good intentions count. I mean, I was a great husband Sunday night when I loved my wife and decided to do this thing and then I I was sucked because I didn't do it. But like,

it's it's not fair to go I don't think it's fair to say if you really wanted to, you would do it. Because a lot of times this is open this opens like a big can of questions. But like a lot of times,

what we want, what we aspire to with our lives gets destroyed with the choice that we make in our moments. Ask any adulterer.

Like if you wanna think about it, is that like someone who do I believe that there's people who say, look, I who really do love their spouse and then then, you know, in a moment, make a terrible terrible choice. And then actually, when they come when they're talking to the spouse go, no, I I really do love you. I think that's still I I do think it's true. There's obviously something cracked in there. Mhmm. There's obviously something broken.

And this is a very extreme example compared to someone who just decides not to take garbage out. You know, like but but like Yeah, Ben. Holy cow. Me and Dan were just Took a turn. Hustling good old marriage stuff and you're like, and then the guy cheats on her. I I didn't say it was a dude. Well, I I remember I wrote something was writing something one time as it like and it was like a fake it was a it's a English paper or something. It was an argument between a guy who like, there are certain things where if you do it one time, it becomes your label. Like, if you're you you commit adultery once, people are like, dude, that's an adulterer. Right? But like, I forget the trash to I I don't take the trash out one day. People don't go, oh, that's the trash of Pointer. Like, you don't get tagged the same way. Boom.

Boom. Trash avoider. Shame. He wears the letter t everywhere he goes. But but but but but that's the thing is that like it's a very frail human experience to recognize how much

moments can blow up your otherwise real and true intentions. And like being able like there's a it's a notion of discipline and nobody likes to talk about discipline and habit and raining stuff in. But like, this is where discipline comes into play. You don't need discipline to guard your ambitions. You need discipline to guard your seconds

and your moments of which you decide to act outside of your ambitions because you're tired, or because you're lonely or because you're hungry or or whatever it is that you're you're latexion or because you're lazy or just selfish. Right? Because every time everything that's blown up, like, of the not done the thing that I wanted to do, I didn't lose it because I didn't wanna do it anymore. Because I always felt guilty and I and I realized I really wanted to do it. It's because in some moment or another, to Dan's point, I said, I choose me

over this thing. I choose sleep over this. I choose blah blah blah over that. And like, it's really the opposite which is like how as opposed to building an ambition of a life and trying to fill in the gaps, if you live your ambition or what you want to accomplish through your moments, they will ultimately result in a thing that you want. Okay. Now I have a follow-up question because now this is starting to perturb me. Do you feel now this is between us, fellas. Do you feel that that ladies struggle with this same thing? Don't be You have to, but maybe not to the extent. Well, so here's this is the where I'm getting at. I think men are daft. Here's the thing. Because I know like, if I'm trying to look at this as as as humanity,

I go, okay, I think that women probably struggle with this in some aspect or another. Right? But I know if I were gonna compare, like, say, my wife's boobery to mine, right mine is like 10 times that and a mariachi band come out every time I do something wrong. Like, I mean, it's it's every day where I am awestruck at my own lack of ability

to even do what I thought I was gonna do or do it well, or even take in a thought that was agreed upon by everybody in the house, and I'm walking around like, oh, really? This is new to a man, and here comes the mariachi band that mics a dummy again. You know? And I'm like, I never catch my wife in this. Very rarely. They just tend to be more mature than us. I I just it's so embarrassing to be me on a daily basis. Guess what I'm saying. Because there's nothing more it's what gives me compassion for people that struggle with like addictions,

you know, or or or behavior tendencies, you know, where I'm like, you know, it it's it's it's a different version of the same problem, where they're like, man, I was doing so good, and then smack, I fell off the wagon. I made this one big mistake. And where normally I'd be like, hey, man, You know, you just you cannot make that mistake. And then here comes Mike. He forgot to do something completely stupid that he would've intended to do, his character to do, and then it's it it didn't happen. And then you go, I mean, how can I ever expect someone to give up black tar heroin when I can't take the garbage out on a two week interval? Do you know what I'm saying? It seems it seems unfair Right. For me to hold the the heroin guy to a standard, and I get to drop my responsibilities willy nilly.

Yeah. I mean, heroin was at least has a has a, like, a lack or a latch on someone's body. Like, their chemistry has at least changed to go, hey, my body actually wants heroin. You, on the other hand, don't even have that going for you. You're not addicted to the opioids or to the what what what's the what's releases in your body when you take a Endorphin? No. Yeah. Well, you get endorphins? Yeah. You don't get endorphins by not taking out the the garbage. Right. Your brain doesn't go, dodge that bullet. I don't even look at it. I just passed it as if we don't keep a garbage in your house, which I know completely is wrong. Man, you know, I've had

as a friend of mine that if we've had this conversation probably probably perennial, like, at least at least two to three times a year. We looked at each other and go, hey, I I haven't been doing all the stuff that I intended to do. I said, well, are we too busy? He's like, nah. I have time. I and like, generally speaking, we're busy people. Like, I know I know, like, people who aren't busy. Like, the guys in this room are pretty busy people. Yeah. The guy I was talking to was a pretty busy guy. But like, push come a shove.

Do I have bandwidth in my day Yeah. To do these things? Yes, I do. Yeah. Yes, I do. Absolutely. I do. I can I can totally do that? And it and and frankly, cost I don't have to chop anything out. I don't have to stop doing any particular item. I've got the time. Why are we this way, though? I'm tired of it. I don't wanna be this way. I wanna I wanna do the exact opposite of what we're talking about, both for my marriage and my children and Jesus, and in the exact opposite order. Right? Like, I want to care on a minute by minute basis what God is asking, where his heart's at, and, like, as much as I intend to, I do not. I do not do that. And so, like, there's nothing more frustrating, especially because I can look back ten years ago, and I can go you know, I recall times ten years ago where Mike was really trying to figure out what God had going and what was happening. And then I can look at parts of my day now and go, we're ten years down the road, Mike, and you are doing less? You're asking for less? You're you're you're you're screwing it up more? Right? This is what is happening here, you know? Like and and and the perspectives. I'm remembering, like, the grand, you know, mountaintop moment from, say, ten years ago, and then casting it as the whole thing. Right? So, like, it's it's foolish. I know better. You know? But but still, at the end of the day, you know, like, it's so silly that the laundry or the garbage or the not cleaning up something, you know, like, this is a sticking point, but it's it really it's a big deal to me because it reveals deeper truths as far as I'm concerned. Right? I'm like, if I can't remember this, how am I possibly supposed to be able to help in something that's big? Now,

think I think though, this goes back to something else you were talking about, which is the the as you walk with Christ, it becomes more and more clear to you where you're dropping the ball. Right? Like, there's a revelation. The sanctification

part is is more of a continually continuous falling of scales from your eyes. Right? Whereas, where I say that, like, to you over fifteen years, my wife and I are better husbands and wives. But on balance, we still have the same number of things of which we are struggling with because the because God keeps going, okay. Great. As a refinement, now I need you to see this part. And you're like, oh, man. Shoot. Right? So like and I think that's largely true. I think that will continue to happen. Like, things will be different. I'm not struggling with the same bucket of stuff I was, but the themes are kinda the same. And Jesus goes, hey, man. This thing that you thought you had got solved, just I need you to see over here that it continues to express itself in this way. And you're like, dang.

Yeah. Dang it. And maybe that's maybe that's the refinement we're talking about to the point where you're an 80 year old man that can smile at your own mistakes and go, I knew there was more. Yeah. Okay. Here we go. No surprise here, boys. Because when you find yourself as a 20 year old man, you're angry. You're like, what is this pointing out all my flaws? How dare you? I you know, whatever. Like, you get fired up when people try to correct you or point you to something. You're like, Mind your own business. You know? And by the time you start maturing in this thing, you're like, I knew there was more of this shenanigans. Alright. Okay. I hear you. I I will I will pay attention to this. You know? And and maybe that's the peace that comes from like, maybe you got a rotating bucket of of of Jesus looks down and talks to the Holy Spirit and goes, you know what? Dan can handle 15 things at once. That's the maximum. So we're gonna have him pay attention to this 15 things. When he takes one off the list, we're gonna get another one from the bucket of Dan mishaps and put him in that 15, and we're gonna have him look at that one for a You know? And, like, that is there there should be a smile of refinement where you go, man, I I I'm so glad that I've been at at least offered to know that I'm a boob here. You know? I'd like to do better than I'm doing because that's the whole goal, right, is to be more faithful in all things and and and and and honestly follow and and put all your effort into these things that you know your heart is yearning for, you know? But then but then you have to watch, once again, the mariachi band in front of you and be like, oh, man, what's that stupid flesh mic done this time? How am I gonna get so much trouble?

I just wanna go a day without being an idiot. Okay. Yeah. So we're open for marriage counseling. Yeah. We're tired of help. It's Mondays after 10:30, I guess, is when we got some free time. We're not even gonna charge you because frankly, no one has said it's worth anything. So that's where we're at on the marriage counseling for Life From The Past. I'd be interested. So if you're a lady and you listen to the show I mean, do you like, do you have the same struggles? Do you hide it from your husband so he feels like a bigger boob? Yeah. Yes. Like, I I just Just tell us. We we're totally, like, in humility. Like, we're willing to say like, we just feel like dudes like, a struggle with daftness.

And and if if we can create any any open mindedness here, ladies, for you, it would be if you otherwise have a a good dude and you know that he's a good dude, just know that he he may very well not be doing this intentionally. Like,

although we've we've talked about the eye bounce on the garbage, and I think there is some there is some of that stuff. Like, there's also a very high possibility that, like, the things that are important to you just aren't important to him.

And like, the only way that it like, he just doesn't see it. And he's not in he not might not intentionally be missing. And like, frankly, same thing is true. This well, this is where ladies always I was gonna say the same thing could be true going the opposite direction. But like, what it tends to happen is that it's not like, oh, well, he does the outdoor stuff and and the lady handles the indoor stuff. Let's say that was your split. Like, if that was the case, my wife would still go, hey, grass getting a little bit long because she sees both. She my wife would go takes in both things. Yeah. I barely take in my thing and like every once in a while, the thing that she is focusing on and my wife somehow keeps a a juggle of both things, of all things going on. Yeah. And so like, I I do think I do think God has built that in women. I think they have an ability that sometimes dudes don't have. There is there is a daftness to dudes and a singular focus that allows guys to be effective in things like war. And and being out in their field harvesting at 11:30. And grilling. And grilling meat and staring at it while it sizzles and going, look at that. Could you be doing two other things? I sure could, but I'm a stare at this meat like it's gonna jump out of here. Well, that's the truth. You sit there and watch a piece of meat cook for I mean, like it was your best friend. Yeah. Cook on, burger. Cook on. I'm just gonna sit here and keep an eye on it. Yeah. I wish I had a drink so I can enjoy it while I watch the burger flare up. You know, I was just thinking while you're saying that, it's like, it it it's the dude's reaction to deafness. That's what actually tends to get me in the most trouble, is because I will I will think this garbage is a problem. I know what I'll do. I'll just take it out every day. I don't want I'm tired of missing it. I'm tired of screwing this up. Yep. I'll buy twice as many garbage cans Yeah. And I will just take it out every day. And she's like, why are we busting through $75 worth of garbage bags? I'm like, garbage that one. We're solid. Yeah. Problem has been handled. And, like, it wasn't addressed in the right way at all. Right? It was it was just I don't wanna be I don't wanna be an idiot again. I will do just about anything not to bring the mariachi band back out. So I will chase this garbage all the time just so I don't get in trouble. And, like, once again, that's daft dude ness. So you were like, whatever. I'll fix it this way. Yeah.

I yeah. I I think there is and like, this is why I'm so sorry. I'm trying to run through my head whether I'm a step in some kind of deep deep something for having said this out loud. I'm a say it, and then you guys let me know. So like, I I think when we talk about women tend to or men tend to, I think this is not saying that there's not daft ladies Sure. Or that there's some sharp dudes out there who are not having this problem. I know one of those. But like, I I think you see this in a lot of

like, some of the greatest inventors. Like, again, there's there's conversations around like accessibility for ladies in some of these these conversations. But like, I think a lot of them are men because men are the type of dudes who will like sit in a room

focusing on the same idea, blind to their caring for their children or doing other things that they're supposed to do while they peruse over some kind of singular focus of which may or may not benefit the world. And tinker and tinker and tinker. That's right. That's right. They'll they'll they'll jack with something for, like, five hours when someone else might have given up or bought something else and they're like, oh, no. I'm I'm I think I can fix it. And, like so so here's the thing is that, like, I I do think there are notions of of within gender that do drive some of this that is valuable to the world. And it's okay for guys to recognize this, and I don't think actually guys should lose all that. I don't think guys should be like, there's no it's not necessary to become completely. My wife is often overwhelmed for having taken on everything. I'm not sure it's always the best. For, like and ladies are often juggling a lot. Some of which they might be able to put down and not have to. But, like,

I I just I think there's a value in it. But like, I think just like on the personality thing, it's okay to say, I'm prone to this without losing that or overdoing that. How do I stretch to recognize that like, I probably could use a little bit, see the world a little bit the way that my wife does? It would serve her well and probably serve the world and me better. So actually, maybe that's the growing point within your marriage is like, can you trust your spouse with those boundaries? Right? Like, can I trust my spouse knowing that I have a propensity to x x y and y and z? Like,

can I trust her to help me gauge that and rein it in? You know, in a loving way, but like, hey, man, it's time to put down the whatever. We need you to focus this way. And you humbly go, okay, okay, okay, okay. You know, I I get it. I get it. You know, and same thing for for for fellas to their spouses, like, listen, you got a lot going on right now. You're juggling emotional burdens with 17 people and then you got conversations going with, like, 35 ladies at once. I'm like, I mean, I'm I'm I'm burdened just just thinking about it. Yeah. So like Let's do pizza for the next three nights. Just let me buy the pizza. Let's buy a pizza. Do something different, you know. And and and not have your spouse on either side take offense to that and say, look, I'm just trying to I'm not gonna drag you into my ignore the garbage ways. I'm not even trying. I'm just saying let's back off a little bit in in in your area of expertise, and I will humbly accept when you say, look, it's time to it's time to back down a little bit on what you're doing. I think if you can do that and and and and watch the broad brushes,

it's it's probably healthy. There's healthy balances in there. There is. That's a good point. I think there's a level of there's a level of maturity in a relationship where you we are willing to hear that and not say, you just don't understand. Because like like, how that that that could easily be received is to say, hey, I need you to stop thinking about it. Like, I I think it's overwhelming you. Let's do this. And the reaction is to say, look, you just don't understand where I'm coming from here. You don't think this way and so you don't understand. I can't just let this go. Just like if someone if if your wife were to come out and say, look, need to stop tinkering with that thing. It's taken up a bunch of your time. And you're like, you don't understand. This is like, I can get this fixed. This is my responsibility. I really wanna do this. Like,

there's a level of maturity that allows someone to speak that way into your life. And frankly, there's a level of trust that they won't abuse it. Right? That like knowing that you're the you're the you're the person that's gonna focus on something and get it done and allow you to breathe within that and then be the person that reigns you in as it steps over, not the person that tries to cull it from your personality completely. Just like like no matter

no matter how much our personalities are different, like there's no there's no reason nor is there any justification for me to try to get my wife to think the way that I think about something. Like in fact, so we we we homeschool. We're always home all the time like doing whatever like I'm working from home, she's schooling from home. And like, it is like I've tried on a few different occasions and she's even asked a few for me to like step in and try to help with the school. But the the truth is like we just approach things so differently. I'm actually not helpful. I could probably do it on my own, something completely different and come up with something similar but like my approach is is is just different than her approach and not and it's not a good or bad. And so like there's just ways of which like it doesn't make sense for me to try to change the way that my wife looks at the world or how how her mind works. Like, that's just silly. But like, it is valuable

as in our mature relationship for me to say, hey, it's too much. It's it's I I know I know you're dealing with it. Not not like it's too much, but like, hey, I you're dealing with a lot. I know you're trying to carry all this. Let me help relieve this part of the burden even in a way that you may not like. You don't wanna do pizza three nights. I'm saying, we're in for pizza three nights. That's what we're doing. You know? And like, there is a level of maturity in a relationship to get to a point that allows you to accept that without going, you just don't understand me. Mhmm. Because it because here's the deal. They might not. No. I don't understand. I don't always understand flippant responses to time. I'm like, why is it why does this not bother you at all? Because it does not. But like, I don't get it. But I I it's not necessary that I get it. We we we have this as a humanity and this has been like coming more and more predominant. You don't know what it's like to be me. Correct? Right. And you know what? That's an unresolvable situation. I will never. Yeah. So so here's the deal. Unless we were just trying to get to a fine final point of separation between everybody that goes, you don't know what it's like to be me.

Like that's the only thing that that phrase in particular does. It basically gives you permission to dismiss something that someone is saying to you without evaluating whether it's true. It doesn't matter whether they like the question is it true? Not not whether I know what it's like to be you. It's whether is it is it accurate or not and then go from there. In fact, I I did this is one of the things I said to my kids is is like I think they were upset because they said, well, you're you're you're kind of being hypocritical. You're asking us to do things that you don't always get right. I said, baby, I'm a pastor. That's my whole job. My whole job is to try to is to point people to real and true things that I often don't get correct. I'm sorry. I I'm the king of them. And so but like I and I know you don't like that but like, it's the question isn't whether it came

the true thing came from a hypocrite. The question is whether it was true or not. Let's start there. And then you're gonna have your own separate conversation as to whether the person's a hypocrite. But, like, if it was true, does it matter that it came from a person of ill repute? It doesn't really. Right. Right. And this is your spouse we're talking about. They're not likely to be a person of ill repute. Alright. Hey. You're listening to Live From The Path. Thanks for hanging out for late night marriage counseling one zero one, of which all the dudes are daft. And it sounds like all the ladies are consumed by almost everything, including the daftness of their husbands. Yeah. That's a that's a burden. Yep. Yep. We're gonna try to do better, but it doesn't sound like we have a clear path. It's always cloudy at the live from the Path Airport.

Two real quick things. One, you'll be getting this at probably around the same time as you get this show that you're listening to now. We did an interview last week with Eddie Andrews. He's running to represent the Johnson. I don't know what district it is, Dan. Do you what's the district? It doesn't matter. Johnston And Grimes. Nobody ever Urbandale and Jefferson Township. Yeah. Yeah. That sounds right. So so anyway, just, you know, if you're if you live in that area here in here in Iowa,

and and you just check out that interview with Eddie. Here's here's the deal. I'm not sure whether our fine interview skills are on tap. I wasn't here for that. So Oh, no. No. You can be guaranteed that the Mike and Dan show ran a smooth and cutting edge interview list. CNN CNN's been after us ever since. They've been trying to pick it up. Okay. So but anyway, check it out. And listen, Eddie. You can go you can find more about him on eddieforiowa.com. That's eddie, the number four, Iowa dot com. Here's the deal. I'm a tell you this. I wasn't at the interview, but I did kinda prep for it. I don't love his website. I'd go to his Facebook page. He's a lot more engaging out there. He also is knocking door to door. And so if you live in the area, heads up, he might become a biplane place. Seen him. Yeah. But so anyway, just check that out. Secondly,

this week, Amazon added podcast to their music app. Yeah. And Life The Path is out there. So if you if you use the Amazon app, you can just go to Alexa and say, hey, Alexa, play me the Life The Path podcast and it'll fire up the last episode. Or you can also subscribe to it through the Amazon app and It occurs to me that, I wonder if anybody listened to this out loud. If you're already listening to

the Life From The Path podcast on Alexa and they just heard you say, Alexa, play the Life From The Path podcast. Will Alexa stop and then take again? Yeah. We should fill some parts of the ups. Every every ten minutes or so, someone should just go, hey, Alexa. And then throw off everybody's everybody's home time. Okay. Here's the deal. I'm gonna apologize, but I'm gonna do this for you. Just give me give me the next fifteen seconds. Hey, Alexa. Set an alarm for 05:30AM

max volume. Hey, Alexa. Set an alarm for 05:35AM max volume. Hey, Alexa. Set an alarm for 05:40AM max

volume. Okay. That's outstanding. That's He does it at my house every time he leaves. Every time he leaves my house, he sneaks back to the kitchen window and I catch him. I'm cleaning up the table after him and his family leave and I see him over in the window going, hey, Alexa. Set an alarm. I'm like, get out of here. Why? We're not children. I

love it every time. And he giggles back to his van at least. I get such delight out of it. I do. Hey. So hey. And if you're listening to obviously, if you're picking up the show via podcast app, if you guys could rate the show, it does help with exposure. I don't expect that we're gonna climb the charts here. But but for you guys that if you get value out of the program and you want other people to see it, one, I thank you guys so much for interacting with us on the on the the Bob Eisenhower complaint line. That's been great. But if you could also just rate the show, if you could leave us leave us a review, like that stuff's just it's just helpful when people are reviewing and rating things and they're they're more likely to show up at search results and Yeah. So It is nice when your name is part of the search result.

But like right now on the Amazon Podcast, if you search for Life From The Path, you actually have to type all of it in and there's no suggestions and then hit return. And we will show up, but no one's like anticipating that Life on the Path is being searched by other people and it's it's really downheartening. Here's the deal is I knew that. Like right when we when we first talked about title, like naming the show that, I knew very well that like this is the if if if there was a social media person out there, they would say, you shouldn't name it that. Because when you search for something, a lot of times it chucks out kind of middle words. Right? So from and the. Now you just have live path or live path. Now think of the types of things if you type live path, you're gonna get

holistic healing folks and exercise people and But they need to hear this. Yeah. They do. They do. We are also but we are very likely to show up at the end unless you type like live path podcast. And even then, there's a lot of, like, live music podcasts and Yeah. Live Daryl's house. We're we're behind Daryl. Yeah. Yeah. So so I'm getting a lot of, like, books. I I typed it. Can you do this just oh, I need to do it on the Alexa Yes. App, not the Amazon. The Amazon Music. Amazon Music. So like there's Amazon Shopping, Amazon Music, and then there's an Alexa app. Those are three different apps.

The Amazon Music is that's where I list all my music. But yeah. Not on the shopping app and not on the Alexa app, but on the Amazon Music app. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Amazon Prime Music. Amazon Prime Music. Yeah. Anyway, we're out there. They they I like to say it was something special. We picked it they picked they picked us up in the rotation. Absolutely. But anyway, if you you listen to that, I actually do. I I I listen to most of my music through that Amazon app and so it had my podcast there. Was pretty cool. Okay. Anyway, those are my two those are my two heads up. Mike, we got some Okay. Let's say let's deal with some advice. We're on fire tonight. Here we go. Ready? Advice time. Dear,

live from the past. My hairdresser, former neighbor, and friend recommended her unemployed brother to do some minor repairs to my house. That's just one person. At the beginning, I thought they were

Say that list again. My hairdresser Yes, sir. Former neighbor, and friend recommended her unemployed brother to do some minor repairs to my home. Okay. I thought it was three different people all recommended this guy. It's just the same guy. Everybody likes that guy. Okay. He and his sister were trying to push me into a relationship. I am a widow with no children. I have no mortgages, car notes, etcetera. I'm not wealthy, but I'm well set. My hairdresser recently mentioned that her brother was using crack cocaine again. Nice. I'm furious that she didn't disclose her brother's addiction sooner. Should I let it go or confront her about this? I really don't want to lose my hairdresser. That took a weird turn at the end.

I need you to realize what's the stink here. I don't wanna lose my hairdresser. I mean, are you dating a guy? I'm confused.

Her him and his sister like, just to clarify, I'm gonna give what I think happened and then I'm a tell you what I heard. Mhmm. Well, actually, what I heard was him and his sister were looking to pursue a relationship with her with this woman. No. Like, both of them may have wanted to date her. No. But it sounds like maybe the sister was trying to encourage

her to date the brother. Yes. And the brother up with Okay. And the brother was also interested. Yes. Yes. But he also deals drugs. Yeah. I here's the it's hard shifting through these details. She's she's a widow. Yep. So her husband has passed

and she's financially okay. Not great. Not terrible. Just just she's she's Probably better than a crackhead, though. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But she never says actually that she started to date the guy. She just seems mad to now find out that her brother's using the crack cocaine. Yeah. Yeah. And so and I'm guessing by the fact that you call it crack cocaine that you're at least 60 or Yeah. I'm furious that she didn't disclose her brother's addiction sooner. When's the right time?

While you're while you're getting your hair did? Yeah. I I mean, so I'd like you to date my brother. He's a crackhead. I mean, to be fair, like, if if if if let's say that my sister was on crack cocaine and one of my friends I don't think I'd try to set That's what I'd a friend up with my sister who has a current drug problem. But did the did the problem occur after she tried this Yeah. Sounds like after. Oh, reinstated like oh, yeah. Back to crack cocaine. Absolutely. So so so here's the thing. It's like, let's say my sister has been clean of crack cocaine for, say, five years. And I'm like, hey, look, you know, Sally's available, blah blah blah. You know? And then and then she my friend does not date Sally,

And then Sally takes up crack cocaine a couple weeks later. I'm like, hey, man. Sally's back on the on the on the crack. And he's and he's furious at me for not bringing it up earlier or telling her entire backstory. It'd be inappropriate. Agreed. Yeah. To to hey, you know,

they got 14 speeding tickets. Yeah. By the way, they used to be on the crack cocaine. I mean That sense seems that's not your story to tell. Yeah. Yeah. Now current crack cocaine would keep you from even bringing it up. Yeah. But past crack cocaine, and with a healthy distance, to just say, look. They it looks like they might have turned up war. Then you can try to set them up on a date or whatever. And if they wanna discuss it or Sally wants to tell people at her own leisure, that's her backstory and her background to tell, not your business. Yeah. Now that it's re come up, now you're just telling it as a bit of news. Like, yeah, unfortunately, Sally's back on a crack cocaine. You know? And maybe she's doing that to be, hey, don't get too serious. Even if you weren't if you were thinking about it, it's probably time to back it down. Okay. Did her a favor. This all seems pretty reasonably so far. I'm furious, but I really don't wanna lose my hairdresser. So you can always just say, you know what? I I don't think I'm interested in your brother. Thanks. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, they're not pulling the strings on your life. You're not dating a guy. Or if you are, you can say, look, I you know, I'm not really interested in getting involved with this. I call it crack cocaine. I don't know how to handle this. Yeah. Obviously. I'm I'm not hip to what's happening here. So So you're doing the molly or what what so what's you know? There's really no reason that you're over invested here. Right? Like, I agreed. I mean, you'd seem like, hey, why would you even set me up with somebody that has a fault to this extent? But at I mean, at the end of the day, it's easily fixed. Like, hey, if we're dating, we're no longer dating because that's just not the part of my I'm not I'm not there in my life to be dealing with that. If we're not dating, it doesn't matter anyway.

So I, you know, I I would say keep your hairdresser. Say, I'm sorry to hear about your brother that's on crack cocaine. I hope he finds the help he needs. Wait. So ultimately, does this like, she found this out like the hairdresser told her? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I run into this all the time. It's more of in a corporate environment. But people are like like, you bring them into something and they're like, yo, yeah. No one told me. I'm like, I I just did. Yeah. That's why you're here. Like, how early do you have to like, you don't have to be on the ground floor of absolutely everything. You don't have to like, the people are weird on how on, like, once they find out about something, they get upset that they didn't know it earlier. Like, well Yeah. I mean, it's very pompous to think you're the first call out of everyone's phone tree. If you guys weren't on your dang phones all the time. You know what saying? Because that's the way people work. I'm having a baby. Phone. Hey, everybody. I'm having a baby. You told 75 people at once, and now it's become the new norm. You didn't tell me. Well, I'm telling you now, I was waiting till I was gonna see you. Well, everyone else already knew. I I already met everybody. You know, I'm just now I met you. You know what I'm saying? And, like, people are now infuriated

because you didn't send out a company wide email or a or a Facebook post on every detail of your life. Yeah. Yeah. Our expectations have gone out through the roof. Yeah. Yeah. It's and it's it's always weird because, like, it always happens whenever it's happened to me, it's always happened where, like, it's not someone who you never told, it's just someone who you got done telling and they somehow in reaction to the news are offended they just didn't know earlier. Hey, why didn't you bring me in earlier? Because it wasn't your business earlier. That's what I'm telling you right now. It's just it's just so weird. Because like, let's say you found out there was a rumor going around in the family meal that so and so's back on heroin. It's the or Crackle game. Is the first call to make to one of your hairdressing clients That you tried to set up with them months ago? And then you don't know whether they're dating? Hey. I just heard it hot off the press. Yeah. My brother might make you all back on the snow. What are thinking at? Okay. So what was the what was the core what was the question? Should I let it go or confront her about this? You let it go. Yeah. Oh, I'd certainly let it go. Yeah. This ain't worth losing a good hairdresser over. Yeah. No doubt. Especially your age. Secular's gonna say, call the police. Yeah. Secular

says, do you own a whip? Secular says, you are certainly free to ask your hairdresser why she didn't tell you her brother had a crack habit before recommending him to do repairs in your home. Boy, it just sounds like a bunch of white people, old white people talking about crack cocaine. And just the way it's all phrased just sounds like people ain't seen crack cocaine in their whole life. I thought I saw him with a powdered donut, but then again Yeah. It's all on the mustache. Yeah. He's he's even a brad a bad drug taker. He doesn't even do it well. He's sloppy. You

are free to ask her why she would recommend him to do repairs in your home. It's a fair question if nothing is missing and the repairs are done properly. Refrain from doing it while you are angry. If you hang on to your temper, there's no reason why your relationship with the woman should end. As to her relationship with her brother, no law says you must have one with him. You don't have to be confrontational, but be less available. As you spend more time with other people, he will get the message, okay. What? There's a difference between not being confrontational and then being Goose him.

Yeah. I'm just less available now, like ever. I'd like to take you to prom. Well, I'm gonna go to Taco John's. Yeah. We'll see what happens next. Like, what's that? That's so weird. That's super passive aggressive. You know? Like, once again, you don't have to call him a jerk and a crack addict and then break with a balloon. But you can just say, hey, man. Ian, this just ain't working out. I'm I'm Splitsville. Okay. Hold why not? I thought things were going well. I thought we had a real shot at something. Nah. You're wrong about that. It's time for me to go. I it's just not what I'm into right now. What I can I do? Well, I really like you. What can I do?

I feel like I've said my piece, and that's probably all the more we're gonna talk about, Tess. Well, you're a stubborn wench. I'm glad to be rid of you. I get along well with my dead husband. You could try that. That sounds good. I just won. You left, and you're mad at me. That's great. That's how you wanna break up with people. I'm going back to the alley where I got friends. Yeah. I'm going back to the cocaine. You're right. That worked out perfectly. Okay. Yeah. That was excellent. Okay. Last one. Ready?

Oh, short. Yep. Dear life from the path. Last year, relatives said they would attend a party we were hosting. Mhmm. They didn't come, and we never received any reason why. We had to pay for their dinners. We may see them at an upcoming social event. How should we greet them? Hey. How's it going? Hey, man. What's happening? Good good to see you. Yeah. You alright?

Nice toupee. Like, yeah. Whatever seems appropriate. How long how long a drive was it? Yeah. I mean Or you could do Dan and I's move and just run away. Yeah. That's right. Here they come. I mean Don't ask any questions. What are the alternatives? So about those dinners.

Hey. Hey. Hey. Thanks for coming. Now we can settle the score on that chicken Cordon Bleu of a year ago. Last year, they say. Last year, this happened. This was written in September.

This happened more than nine months ago, and you're gonna you're gonna Rayla? And and frankly, how good of friends are you with him anyway? You ain't talked to him in nine months to say, hey, man. Is everything okay? Right? If I invited Dan to my house for dinner, and he didn't show up, I'd call within a half Hey, man. Hey. Everything cool? You need a ride? Or is your car broke down? Or what's oh, no. This came up. No problem. I'll eat the cost of the dinner. Or I'll send you a bill. Yeah. I mean, like, if it was if it was a one on one dinner, you'd call right away. Yeah. If it was like a soiree, you might follow-up after a week ago and say, hey, just say just call and see you see you guys didn't make it. How how are things going? Yeah.

Nine months though, you're a bad friend. Yeah. Don't care anyway. Really depends on the part of it. Like, it's like, you know, our daughter got married. I don't know who came and who didn't. Oh, yeah. Yeah. You know, you pay for that stuff anyway. You just you just you just know that's just how that's the game. Right. You got you have a caterer. They would need a number. They they give you a bill. You pay them one so they give Whatever. You You just don't Right. Certainly, a bunch of people RSVP'd Yeah. And some of those people didn't come. And they usually throw some extras on there just in case Yeah. Right. The the caterer does. And then you eat pork loin at your place for two months after the wedding. Like, hey. Through this stuff. Everybody's happy. Yeah. I don't I don't know what the problem is. That's the question. How do we greet them? Just regular. Hey. Hello. You could use their first name if you remember it. I would I I would suggest the very nature of you asking this question

means that you you you should probably have someone else greet them. Actually, they probably don't wanna be your friend. You seem to be conniving and long holding on grudges. Maybe they're not coming anyway. Yeah. You're the drip drip drip. Okay. Let's see what Secular says. This is gonna be grand. Secular says, what your relatives did was rude and inconsistent. Oh, mercy.

Yeah. Or regular, you know. Could be. Could it I don't I'm not getting the it's a party. It's probably not a party just for them. So like Right. Yeah. Right. Rude seems wedding reception. They didn't even show up. Well, that's something. Rude and inconsiderate seems like an overstep.

Not calling or, like, them following up within a week said, sorry, we couldn't make it. I mean, there's grounds for saying you could have been a better friend. But, I mean, there's no reason to over amplify this thing. Honestly, it depends on the party. What what can we need we need to know what kind of party is. Way more details here. Right? Like Okay. Let me give me an example. What kind of party would it have to be for that to be rude and inconsiderate? Kid's birthday and you're the aunt and uncle. You said you were gonna make it. You told the kids you were gonna make it. And you had to buy it that you catered in dinner. Maybe you're revealing you're an Amway salesperson and Oh. You got your eight eight closest couple friends and one didn't come. Do you feel like it they're using the word relative

because it's like a third cousin or something? Because wouldn't you say, like, my brothers, my my my uncles, or my, you know, my cousins even, my aunt, my grandma, you know. Why would you go with my relative? That sounds like it's either the in laws or like a way out there relative. Something's weird about this story. This is my relative, Steve. Nobody introduces people like that. Think think of it this way. Any party of which it would be super offensive to not come is the same type of party where you're unlikely to have catered it in.

And pay and like, I assume that when they say we paid for their meals, they don't mean we bought enough chicken for everybody and they didn't come and eat their portion and now I feel ripped off. I think it was just a party. Last year, relatives said they would attend a party we were hosting. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe it wasn't Amway's Hale's bitch. You know? Maybe they invited the mercy ship guy over. You know what I'm saying? Pampered chef or something. Yeah. They said they would come. I'm just into Norwex. You should come to my my party. Oh, yeah. We'll definitely be there. No. Nine months. This whole thing sounds foul. Yeah. This is petty. You should leave it be. Okay. Well, here we go. What your relatives did was rude and inconsiderate. When you see them, say hello and calmly ask why they didn't show up. Be polite, which they weren't. And in the future, remove them from your guest list if their answer doesn't satisfy you.

What are you, the queen of the queen of Tibet? I mean, you could just like, I I mean, cut their head off. I'm done with these unsatisfactory. They just said, jeez. They didn't show I mean, once again, this is a product of of of of the the Facebook generation. Right? Like, tell me everything you're doing all the time. You I used to be able to not go to a place because I didn't wanna go, or my family couldn't make it, and no one gave me the hassle about it. But, like, now they expect a text message or a social media thing or, like, hey, man. Tell me why you didn't make it and tell me today. Tell me right now. And like, have you ever done that to somebody? I've done that to people I know real well, where like, they're supposed to be somewhere, they didn't show up. I'm like, what is the deal? You know, and just automatically assuming they're a big jerk. Turns out, somebody right next to them is in the hospital, And they're in the ER with him. And I'm being a turd, you know, because I just assumed that they were just up to nefarious, you know, laziness or standing me up. And like, what a what a crack of humility that was to go, look man, like, you don't don't live at everybody's house, you don't know everybody's circumstances, and you're passing judgment on whatever happened that day, and you know nothing. You know nothing. And so that that that's just a horrible position to be in. Yeah. I mean, there there seems like there's a time when you, you know, you invite every a bunch of people over and the Thompsons don't come up and you go, hey, man. I wonder where the Thompsons are at. As opposed to like, hey, John Thompson,

defend why you did not show up to my soiree Right. Before I before I excommunicate you. That's right. Do we do this every week at church? Right? Like, all of a sudden, the the the the Samsons aren't here today, and you're like, oh, man. Well, what's going on? They must be on vacation or something, man. That's too bad. It would've been nice to see them. But, like, their tact is to call the Samsons during service, and so I'll put them on speaker. You guys just hang on a minute. Yeah. Check this And then speaker the whole congregation and go, Samson, what's your story, bro? Yeah. You deserve to be here, and we deserve to see you. I didn't see you this week. You better might as well not even show up next week either. We're done. Yeah. Give online, though. See you. Please don't stop automatic country music. Okay, Justin. The lord the lord sees everything. Thank you. Yeah. You could run from us, but you can't run from Jesus. Give online.

Boy, I was watching a worship service from another church, you know, and, like, they got through one song and they're like and then they bust into their give online speech or how to text and give. I'm like, hey, man. You're ruining the vibe. Can't you just get through, like, three songs at least before you hit me with your text message on how to give to your ministry? As far as I'm concerned, if the Lord wants to bankrupt you, he'll do it. If he wants to keep your church up and running, he'll make sure to encourage the right people to give to your place. Uh-huh. But, like, I'm just a a casual viewer, and you're trying hit me with the deeds and trying to get me to save you $20. I don't like that. I think that's that's flaky. Alright. You're listening to Live From The Path. Hey, may maybe you hated today's show. You we don't know anything about marriage and or party etiquette. Give us a call at the Bob Eisenhower complaint line. That's 51551700855155170085. You can call or send us a text onto that complaint line, and we'd love to hear from you. There were there were those were two things. One, you either hate the show, or two, you're a woman. And what you're just gonna try to answer,

do you does this do you have the same problem that the the fellows have that we described with your deafness? That's either thing is I'm now I'm worried in my stomach a little because I'd like to hear the show before my wife does to see if the mariachi band coming back out. Nope. Nope. Because maybe I've said something completely foolish. That's what I'm saying. And then I'm gonna be in big trouble again. Here's the deal. The the poor quality of the show will justify the mariachi band and will otherwise then prove that the show was of higher quality than initial thought. Boy, I bet. I mean, I just got the best trumpet players in the biz at my place. Yep. That's gonna be just fine. Let's see. And I think yeah. I think that's everything we got. I have every intention of I think I think next week. I think we're on. Welcome to marriage, bubba.

Alright. Alright. That's it. Hey. Thanks for hanging out with us. You've been listening live from the path. In the meantime, until we see you next week, be faithful in the means. God will handle the ends. You've been listening to live

from the path.