Live from the Pathway Studios in Johnston proper. You are live from the path.

You're listening to Live From The Pathway Studios here in Justin Proper. Yeah. Is. Guns out. Hey. Here's okay. Just real quick, an apology. So if you've if you watched last week's show, you got thirty eight minutes and then it dove.

And then it just took a it took a porta potty. That that was not a reflection on the quality of the show. No. No. Here's the deal. I mean, I think we ran a long show too last week. I think it was like an hour and a half, hour forty five. It was and it was some of it was real decent. And the the Silver Soldiers folks were just awesome, and the stories were cool. And

I don't know what happened. The the just the thing are they crapped out on us. And so the I only got for some reason, only retained, like, thirty eight minutes. And so I apologize both to them and to you guys. We haven't had you know, we have a smattering of technical problems in here because it's very low maintenance. I feel like like I do as much maintenance as here as I do. Like, I take care of it like a barn cat. Yeah. And so but but anyway, I'd say it just it's unfortunate. Think of all the other shows we've done that weren't fantastic. This thing can jump you all the way through. What a disappointment. What a bummer. So anyway, I'm sorry sorry about that. I think I've gotten the problem straightened out for this week, unfortunately.

But anyway, apologize that that that that got cut off. We'll have him back. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We'll bring him back on. And anyway, if you're waiting for me to rescue it and then to get the whole show, I I think it's gone or I don't think that's gonna happen. So many apologies. Alright. Let's see. You're listening to live from the path. I was shoot. See, now I got I got caught up in trying to fix some of our technical stuff that I I don't think I have this article. There was one about

shoot. Never mind. I don't even know what it was. I don't care. I I don't know. It's gone completely. Mike, what do we got here? You got some advice? Yeah. Yeah. Let's do some advice. Yeah. Do you wanna do an do an advice kinda day? Let's do an advice. And listen, Nathaniel, Dan, you got anything on your mind? Not not not probably worthy of a conversation. Yeah. Never. Never. But people are screaming. They're begging for advice, though. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Let's do this. Mike, we're gonna we're gonna fill the airwaves with solid advice. Let's do it. It's gonna be excellent, Dan. Here we go, dear life from the path. Like many people in this country,

my family has an aversion to throwing things out that might still be useful. Rather than load up the van and head to Goodwill, they give the stuff to me. Partially used bottles of shampoo, half used pack of wipes, air conditioner that smells too awful for them to use, but they're sure all like, unwanted change purses, jewelry I would never wear, even puzzles with missing or dog chewed pieces. They've also tried to offload old sewing machines, DVDs they won't watch, and craft supplies for projects I don't enjoy. Once a sister tried to give me an old toaster oven filled with burnt breadcrumbs. I have celiac disease. Another time, dad gave me a gift certificate for an oil change my mother won in a raffle after telling me he and another sister won't go to that auto shop because they damaged my sister's engine and did a lousy job working on my parents' car. Wow. That's gooey. It's not like I'm so poor I can't afford my own toaster oven or wipes. But if I turn down their unwanted items as politely as I can, they become defensive with me. So I usually just say thanks and either toss the stuff in the trash or load it into my van and take it to goodwill myself. But I'm tired of feeling like the family dump, and I wish I could find a way to get it through their lovingly muddled heads that I'd rather not be, quotes, gifted with their junk. Any thoughts?

I feel like you should just bring this up directly. I don't want any of that stuff. Stop bringing me stuff. I got enough. Yeah. Hey, sis. I got some stuff to bring over to your house. No. No, hon. No. You got some stuff to take to the goodwill. Yeah. I'm full up. It sounds like they're just not listening, though. It sounds like she's maybe said that before. May maybe I'm maybe I'm just assuming.

Yeah. I mean okay. Well, I mean, what do you do if you're like, look, man. I don't wanna take your crap no more. And they're like, we'll bring it by tomorrow. I mean, just You can just throw it away if you don't want it. We've had that happen. Like, well, how about you throw it away? Right. I don't want it. Here. Will you throw this away for me? We could've saved the middleman. Is there a problem with, like, garbage space or having to wait for spring cleanup day or something? Like, people don't wanna store the stuff around their place? Well, they said that it's it sounds like the type of stuff that you could reasonably take to a to a goodwill or something. They just don't want to. They they instead like, there's they just wanna drop it off at your place. Well, they it sounds like maybe I caught caught wind of this wrongly, but sounds like she's maybe of a lower economic status, and so they're trying to Help her out? Oh, they think they're helping. Yeah. Yeah. They say, hey. You you need some shampoo.

Half used shampoo, though? I mean, that's a pretty low rent. I guess. I I funny. I mean, I've had family members give all that stuff to us before, and we're like, we we don't really want it. You've had family members give you half used shampoo? Yes. Yes. Boy, that is like, we tried this and didn't like it. Maybe you'll take it. It's like, ah. No. I I mean, we got our own shampoo. I'm a grown man. I I chose my own. Yeah. I feel good about Well, since it's not my relative, I don't say anything. I let, you know, the person who's related to them in my family Mhmm. Say things. Mhmm. And she won't. Oh, no. So you've got a sundry items in your bathroom. So oh, well, they just

disappear pretty quickly, usually. But this is a buchess. Yeah. This loofah didn't work out for me. Maybe you'll do it. Yeah. Okay. So I I mean, the quick I suppose to couple different changes here. One, have you been do you have you been firm enough?

My advice to you is to be a little bit firm right here. I don't want I don't want this. It's it's time it's time to stop. When your formalities aren't working, when your attempt to be subtle is not working, then be direct. Hey, I don't want this stuff. Stop bringing it over to me. And and you can go if you wanna want a second route because you're just someone who doesn't wanna feel like you've overreacted, if they continue to bring it after you ask them not to, you're gonna start taking it back and leaving it on their porch

Yeah. As as a joke. And and you're gonna laugh it off and hopefully that they've they get the point. And to the extent it continues after that, you're no longer talking about, you know, hey, you just leave crap at my place. Like, they're being rude.

And I don't know. You might wanna consider putting some space between you and them in your life. Yeah. I can't imagine what person is like, hey, I'd rather drop this off at Stacy's place opposed to take it to the goodwill. Why? I mean, it's the same drive, the same amount of work. You just don't you just want to take it to I want it to go to a real person, not an institution. Yeah. But the real person don't want it either. So That is often the true with people giving stuff to the homeless. No. That's true. Here's a can of beans. Okay. You know, I I don't even own a can opener. So Here's the asparagus in wine sauce. I'm like, gross. I don't even like it without the wine sauce. You didn't that's the thing is people wanna be generous on crap they don't want. That's not being generous. That's you cleaning out your place and finding an alternative route.

That's not being helpful or kind to somebody. I can't think of a single time we've done some type of food drive where people haven't given us lima beans. Uh-huh. And I'm like, well, why why do you buy them if you keep giving them away if you don't want them? I mean, who's buying lima beans? What a facade. The whole lima bean industry is made out of people going, I'm not gonna eat this, but I want people to think I do. Seems like protein. Yeah. The homeless people need this. Yeah. Yeah. They love limous. I mean, I actually like them, but so but, yeah, most people don't. So Do you do you eat them plain, Dan? I like like cooked. I mean But I mean, eat butter and salty? Straight out of the jar, he's asking. I I don't know how they usually come. I don't know that. Do do but yeah. But do you you put spices and things on them? Oh, like butter. Okay. That yeah. That's what I'm saying. So even even if the homeless man liked him, he probably don't have a tub of butter or butter with him. Right. Yeah. Just that KFC burger. Be like a raccoon nearby that never met.

Probably getting distasteful now. Yeah. I think it had to do with anal glands, Mike. I think that was the think that was the direction it was going. In case he didn't land. Alright. Secular says Wait. But wait, Nathaniel. What do you do? What would you do? Yeah. I mean, if you really don't want this stuff Hey. Wait. Were you sitting back in your chair? Yeah. Like like,

I've you know what? I'm just gonna hang back and not I don't want this stuff. I was relaxing. I don't mean to interrupt your snooze, Archie Bunker. What

Also, like, it seems like not a huge deal, though, you know, to have them just drop stuff off of your house and throw it away or take it to goodwill or use it if you want it, you know, to me. You think you think you should go along to get along? Yeah. I mean, why not? Plus, maybe they bring something over cool one time. Well, I mean, that really Is it worth it? It's like playing the junk lottery. Exactly. It's like going to trash day. No. Because trash day, you get to drive by the other stuff and go, nope. Nope. I don't want nothing to do with that. Nope. Not gonna happen.

Hey, man. I I just made I made $60 off a trash day fund. What do you mean? I liquidated that. We found that piano. Someone had thrown away an old Yamaha piano or like a keyboard. Yeah. And it wasn't quite what we were looking for, and the piano sound was a little bit outdated. But some some real optimistic dude came and picked it up for 60 bones. Wow.

Wow. So, actually, I had a terrible experience on Facebook Marketplace. So I never use it. Right? I don't buy stuff off of there. I don't sell things on there. And I had a couple things I needed to get rid of. And and, you know, we talked about it at home. She'd like, well, just put it on the Facebook Marketplace. I'm like, I don't want people messaging me or stuff or trying to haggle with the price. I hate every bit of this. This is terrible. But against my better judgment, I fire one out. Right? I was up till I'm trying to sell a chainsaw. And it gives you an option. Right? And it says, like, tell your friends that you're selling this chainsaw. I'm like, no. Hide from friends. It's none of their business what I'm selling. I'm real I I don't know why I get business savvy, Mike. Yeah. I'm like, I don't want none of my friends to know that I'm selling this chainsaw. So, anyway, I I get I get a Facebook message. Right? And it says, hey. Is this still available? I'm like, yes. Yeah. It is. And he goes, well, you know, would you take $40 instead of 50? I'm like, yeah. Whatever. Fine. $40. You gonna pick it up? He's like, yeah. You have it ready by 2PM. I'm like, ain't nobody gonna be in my house until 2PM. I said, well, I have it there by three. You show up at three. Yeah. Sounds good. I'm like, great. Here's the address. Wham. I think we're done. Then I get a I get a text that, like, two minutes later, he fires one back out and says, well, are you in Des Moines? I'm like,

no. The address I gave you is obviously not in Des Moines. I said, is that still gonna work? Do you see the address? Is that still gonna work for you? Meet you at three. Yeah. That sounds good. And then 03:00 comes and goes, and there's no show. Yeah. So I get back onto the chat that I have with him. I'm like, I'm a I'm asking what's up. He's deleted the chat. He's no longer a part of it. Oh. So then I so his name's still on there. So I try to Facebook search him on name. I'm like, who is this dude? He's got no profile. It doesn't even exist. He's ghosted Facebook completely. Yeah. He's completely nowhere to be found. Right? I'm like, woah, man. What if I just invited a murderer over to my house or something? Like and he and he don't wanna come by my chainsaw, and now I can't find him anywhere. And I don't know when he's coming tomorrow or not coming at all. What's happened? It means it's unlikely he's gonna murder you with a chainsaw because you know he don't have one. Well, certainly not. He didn't pick up yours. But this one would run. I don't know why he wouldn't he wouldn't buy one that a running chainsaw. So I thought, well, that was a I mean, it made me super mad. Right? But, like, I thought it's just a fluke or whatever. So this other dude hits me up the next day. And he's like, hey, man. Is this available? I'm like, yeah. And so this guy's got a Facebook profile. I'm like, well, we're gonna see what's up with him before I even talk to him. He lives an hour and a half away. You're drive an hour and a half to buy a discount chainsaw? That don't make no sense at all. I'm like, I don't even want a crazy man like this near my house. So I said, no, man. It's not for sale no more. So then here comes this other guy, and he he hits me up. He's like, I'm interested. And I'm like, okay. Do you wanna come buy it? And then it's nothing. Right? Dots, dots, dots. Nothing ever happens. So I check out his Facebook profile. Bunch of pictures of random sunsets

and, like, flowers and whatever. I'm like, well, he's not even a real dude. Like, there's no picture. He's got no friends. His his wife doesn't isn't on there. I'm like, what is going on? I hate this. And so I took every I had, like, four of the things for sale, and I'm like, forget it. It's a pain. Yeah. I'm off of this platform. I don't know what to do with any of this. This drives me nuts. I tried to give away free chain link fencing once, and and people just gave me the run for the money. And and I was like, it's free. Just come get it. Come pick it up. Well, no. And then they made all these arrangements and never never. It's like, finally, just like, I think I think I threw it away, honestly. Like, all you gotta do is come and get it. People are weird. I don't understand it. I hate it. I should get hey. Do you guys sell stuff on the marketplace? Yeah. Yeah. Can I get can I get great success? I sold that piano. Yeah. I'm gonna give you some stuff, and I'll and I'll I'll I'll give you a cut of whatever you sell. I just don't want people getting a hold of me. It drives me nuts, and I hate it. My wife's buying stuff all the time. Yeah. She's bought something today, a little kids jumper thingy, whatever you call it, the the bounce upon, bouncy seat. Yeah. Mhmm. Like, stop going on to strangers houses. I mean Yeah. It's one of these days that won't work out well. I would actually, I would just before I came to the show tonight, I've been I've been looking for some you guys know what the power blocks are? The weights, but like that they have

multiple weight selections in the same one. Yeah. So that I don't have like I don't wanna buy a bunch of dumbbells. And so anyway, I find them and they're they're super expensive. Like, for the set that I want that go up to, like, 50 per per hand, they're like $500 or $450. So this guy in over here real close to the show to the studio throws them on the the swap

yesterday for a $100. And I'm like, what the heck ever? I'm in $100. And so I was kind of a pain in the teeth because I'm trying to arrange to get these out here and I don't live anywhere on this side of town. And he took like six hours to get back to me. And so I go to pick him up tonight and it's in like a it's it's in like a trailer court. And like like there was something real weird about this place where I went to pick them up. Like I pre told them I paid him over a like a over an app.

And I said, you can just leave them out if you want to. And I went in there and there's like there's probably seven car batteries, like randomly strewn about the place. The door is like propped open. The door. The whole the door into the house just propped open. But like there's no one around that I can see. And like this anteroom is is just full of cat food and peanut butter and all kinds of like, it just had a real weird vibe to it. But I mean, weights were sitting out. No. I just I picked him up and and drove off. And like, I felt real I don't know. I felt real bad about it. Like, I just stolen from the man even though I'd paid him the day before, and I didn't even say anything to him.

Anyway, it was risky. It's a weird it's a weird interaction. That's horrible. Yeah. I would never prepay. That was well Yeah. That's weird. I've here's for they were five they were $400 off. I was afraid he was gonna sell to someone else who could get it, like, that night. I've had here's the thing. Because I bought a vehicle off Facebook Marketplace too. And here's what I now know happened is before I got there, he pulled the battery and cleared all the codes out and and sold me as if this truck that I bought was fine. Right? And then all of a sudden, I get it home. It toots around for a couple days. It started and ran. And here pops on the the service engine soon light and the ABS light. Both of these lights take about the same number of crank cycles and reading to say, hey. There's a problem. Turn the light on. And I thought, seriously, is this how people live? They you know, why don't you just tell me the service engine soon lights? I don't care. I know what I'm paying for this thing. Like, I assume it's gonna have some engine problems. And, like, I would have been fine with all this. But, like, instead, they hid it and acted like none of that existed. I'm like, I don't know how you sleep at night. Like, that's terrible. Yeah. Actually, I I I have a I have a a vehicle for sale on the marketplace right now, and it's got a small it's got a a coolant leak. And, like, I really I knew this was gonna happen is that, like, there's a couple people who messaged me before and, like, I I, you know, I can look at their profile and stuff, and I'm like, I can't sell you this car.

Like, I just can't do it. Because, like, it's at a price range that reflects that, like, it's got a coolant link in it. But, like, some of these folks are are buying it because that's their top dollar budget. And, like, they're the wrong people for this vehicle. Like, they shouldn't have it. I had another piano, like, digital piano that we were gonna get rid of where there are, like, a couple keys missing. And I thought, I have to I don't know. Somebody might want this for $50. But then I knew very well that the type of person that would show up and go, look, we can't really afford much. I'll give you $50 for it. It's it's what we got. That, like, I would feel real bad about selling it to him. Yeah. Yeah. And so I ended up just setting it on fire. I don't know if that was right or wrong. I I put a But it was fun. I put a Trader Joe's bag underneath it and lit it and then and then let the thing burn. Took a Kinda cool. Took a few pics. Yeah. That seems wrong. Anyway Sounds like it'd be stinky. Oh, it was. Yeah. We had to put the kids inside. It was, you know, it was burning the plastic keys and Yeah. It left the metal. Toxic.

Toxic. Okay. Kurtzweil is a flame. What's the what's the secular advice? Okay. Wait a minute. So you guys will sell my Facebook Marketplace goods? No. I don't have time for that stuff. My wife does it because I I don't I don't interact with people very well. Oh, I hate it. I'm a rambling dullard. I got a ton of stuff to sell. I'll cut you into 10%. No. I don't need your 10%. 20. No. 20%? If they don't do it for 20%. Yeah. 20%. That means the higher dollar you pull out of these things, the more money we both make, friend. Hot dog. I'm a I'm a I'm a take a picture of the stuff, and then I'm a drop it off at your house. Okay. And then if it doesn't sell, you're kinda in the straights. You just have to do something with it. Okay. I got a burnt Kurzweil. It's got your name on it. You burned that Kurzweil? Yeah. That's not bad, Rigg. Why'd you do that? Because none of the there were, like, five keys that didn't work. Okay. Secular says, the next time your parents and siblings call to tell you they're coming over with more discards, tell them you know they mean well, but no. And keep repeating it until they finally get through their lovingly muddled heads that you mean it. I know you mean well. No.

No. No. Yeah. I don't know. This seems like a good place to start. Woah.

Yeah. Sorry. There's not much more to say about that. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Cut that one off. Dear life dear life from the past. Here we go. What is it? In Korean? No. What is the hold of? I'm trying to figure there's a couple of them here, and one of them seems weird. I'm read it. You're Life from the Path. I have been blessed with a gorgeous four year old daughter who is, even more importantly, smart, funny, and kind. Uh-huh. But I have an issue. Every time we go anywhere or meet someone new, the person feels they need to comment on her beauty. We receive comments like, just wait till she's older. Boys will be all over her. This happens not only with older distant relatives and my in laws, but also random people at the store. Mhmm. Understand they are trying to pay a compliment, but I find it disturbing that they are thinking about my little girl in this way. I'm tired of it. But I'm not sure of the appropriate response when people make these comments. Protective mama. Yeah. That'd be kinda hard. Yeah. I don't I don't That's why they make veils. I don't think they're really I don't think there's people are looking at her and going, oh, she's a real looker and then thinking about her as a teenager. Right. I think they're just saying that's a cute kid and then tying it to a concept of

cute kids cause parents troubles when they're older. So, like, I don't think it's as creepy as what you say. I get that it's it's it's a little uncomfortable, but, like, I I, you know, I don't think it's the level of creepiness that you're taking it in. I mean, I don't know what you'd actually fundamentally do about this. Dress her up in a a burlap sack Uh-huh. And don't ever do her hair. No no more comments. You think that would take care of it? Yep. Yeah. I bet if you put a little mustard on her shirt, people would be like Exactly. Yeah. Something wrong with that kid. He's slobby. Yeah.

And, actually, you haven't really talked about how much effort you're putting into her appearance. Like, a four year old can look pretty raggedy pretty fast. You just need to let the natural flow of life go. Yeah. Put some mud on their on their face. Yeah. You know, I think I mean,

I know I know why. I know why we don't wanna invest. Like, I want my little girl to know that she's smart. It's okay for your little girl for you to to think that she's pretty. Like, I think that's okay. Like, it's okay for a kid to to, like, not be ambivalent about themselves

so that they don't so they they have a sense of of self recognition or worth that that they don't get it from somewhere else later on simply because you you wanted to focus on their intellect. I think I think you can overdo that. But I wouldn't worry about what the out what these people are saying. I don't I don't think they mean anything bad. I I wouldn't I just wouldn't focus too much on it. Is this our only offer our only offer advice is to make the kid uglier?

Do something. No. I said ignore it. I said it's not a big deal. But she's not but she's not gonna ignore it. She's it's she's tired of it. Why won't she take advice then? I think she needs to ignore it. It's not I mean, what whatever you okay. What you can chastise them if you want to. Yeah. What like, what are you gonna say? Too. Yeah. Hey. Oh, she I bet she's gonna be a be a man killer when she gets older. Sir. Okay. Are are these How inappropriate. Are these compliments more acceptable from the family members or from people you don't even know? Which one is creepier?

I don't find either of them creepy. If you're getting it all the time though, she she must be that cut above the rest. Some of us have to live with that. Right? Like a real Dan Hudson. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And there there's a certain amount of of

humility you've gotta learn along the way. I mean, honestly, it it could be a trouble for her. I don't know. I'm I'm never there you know, there's some people that are just, like, beautiful people. You know? They don't tend to hang around me because because I I you you know? Right. You you have to shine them. I'm just not a beautiful person. Right. I'm considered beautiful in most circles until you came in. Yeah. No. No. No. I mean I mean, there there's some people that that just have everything all together, you know, and the flowing hair and the eyes, and then they're all put together. You're just like, dude, you just look different, you know you know, or gal or whatever. And and I don't know. Somewhere in there, probably have the need to teach her how to handle that. Well, I agree. Yeah. I would I would deal with it with the kid. I just don't see any past of what you're gonna say. Stop saying she's beautiful. Mean, that's that's weird. You know, just just teach her how to be gracious. Sir, you're making us uncomfortable. Mean, you know, if he says, hey, give me your number when she's in another ten years, that's creepy. Don't

don't do that. I mean, if it keeps going, she'll she'll be, you know, starring in some movies someday and everybody's still gonna be saying the same stuff, you know. I mean, do you think it'll tone down like at four, that's pretty easy to say. At like nine, people stop doing that. Yeah. I mean, at twelve, they stop. But like, I think people start to recognize that there's like a there's like a period of which it even people start to feel a little bit weird about it. Mhmm. And so they stop doing it. But like, it's just four four people, oh, that's a cute little girl. In fact, I mean, I had three I've got four kids. Three of them are girls. And like all my my my kids got, like, two of them just got the, like, the wildest,

most gorgeous blue eyes you've ever seen. Blonde hair, blue eye. Like these they're they're striking children at times. But people comment on it a lot. And, like, I've not ever been somewhere where I felt like they were being creepy about it. Like, they're just like it they're just this it's just how people are. You get drawn in by some sort of peers and be like, that's a really cute kid. Like, you're gonna have to keep that one lock up locked up. I'm like, I intend to, sir. I intend to. Like, Well, like, what what okay. They don't mean anything by it. Yeah. And if you get a creepy vibe, get your kid away from there and punch the guy in the nuts. I don't like Yeah. Take whatever steps are necessary, but it's not that it's not the phrase. I I you're right. I think that's pretty solid. Most people are are are not trying to be offensive. You know, maybe they're saying a socially awkward thing, and maybe you're really sensitive to it. You know? And, like, I don't think they're trying to offend you. And I think it's it's probably the right time to tell your daughter at four, yeah, maybe four is a little young, five, six, or whatever that, like, if you ever meet somebody that gives you the creeps, trust your gut and leave. Yeah. Right? Oh, there it is. Okay. Done. We're good. It sounds like like one of the things they're worried about is is is overly focusing and attention being on their kid's appearance. I I totally get it. But like, they can't see your personality from a 10 feet out.

Right? They can't see your kid's intellect from 10 feet out. Like, it's just conversational to to talk about what you're taking in. So I mean, just get over that a bit. Be a little bit less enlightened, and let's just deal with what our reality is in front of us. Secular says, dear protective, talk privately with the relatives and tell them you don't want them filling her head with that nonsense before she's even in elementary school. Listen. We don't speak of her appearance. No. She's a blank slate.

Tell them you prefer she'd be praised instead for her brains, her manners, and her niceness, which will reinforce the qualities you are trying to instill in your daughter. And when a stranger does it at the grocery store, immediately interject with examples of her more important internal qualities. Yeah. Well, you're hard to get along with. Here's the thing. We've talked about this last couple weeks, but, like, when you're if your fire's burning like that all the time, you're hard to deal with. Yeah. People do not mean to, like, be rubbing you the wrong way. I'm listen. You're gonna meet creeps. And and so, like, put those in the creep bucket. But, like, to paint everybody with the creep brush just because you got a chip on your shoulder, that's that's being foolish. And and, frankly, you're gonna have a hard time getting along with anybody if you come out of the gate rolling smoke all the time like you're doing, like everyone's out to cause problems. Maybe they just think your daughter's as as as pretty has pretty face, pretty eyes, pretty hair, or something. Right? Like and then you're like, oh, that's pretty girl.

And Sir, you do not realize that we're self righteous. Yeah. Let me make this plain to She also has really good manners. I'm like, okay. I bet. Good. That's cool. You know? She also still craps her pants and or pees the bed at night. Like, how how much of this is relevant to whoever the whoever the stranger is? I guess what I'm saying is, like, every social interaction you have is not a prerequisite to be to be self affirming to you. Right? Like, just because you had a social interaction does not mean that it has to, a, fill up every bucket you own, and, b, has to be solely about you and what you're trying to achieve. You know, sometimes people just wanna say a nice thing. This is why people back out from doing nice things anymore. Right? They're like, hey. I should stop and help that guy change his tire. What if he gets all mad that, like, I can do it by myself. I don't need you to stop. And you're like, oh, okay. Well, fine. You used to be able to just stop and help a guy because you wanted to stop and help a guy. And instead, you're like, don't you realize I'm on a path and a journey to be more self sufficient, and I don't need your help with my tire? Yeah. Okay. I guess. I was just trying to stop by and help you. Right? Like, is that what it's come to now? We gotta figure, hey, man. What kind of day are you having, and where are you at on your self journey to know whether I should stop by and help you or say something nice to you? Yeah. You know, here's what I would to to be honest, like, I think the thing to do is to talk to when I talk to kids about it, let's say, hey, you noticed that people often stop and and and comment about you.

Said, what an op you're you said there's something just so you know, there's things about how you look that are drawing their attention. They think that you're they think that you're cute. They think that you're pretty. I said, now that you have their attention, what an opportunity to show them something good, to be kind, to say something nice to them, to be conversational. Like what like, you've someone's attention, someone is bothered to mention something to you. It's it it can be a lesson for your kid on how to interact with them. Again, assuming it's not rolling off any creepy alarms. But like, I would agree, not

everything is the opportunity for you to roll a platform or to teach what? To teach who a lesson? The nice old guy at the grocery store? Your uncle? Why? Right. Like, mean, who who made you king of the land? Just just I don't know. Just back it down a bit. It's not as invested. And here's the thing. If you're not as long as you're not creating shallowness in your parenting, nothing about uncle Steve going, hey, you're you're I I love your pretty curls is gonna throw her off. Okay?

Yeah. I I I really I'm just thinking about about something like the kid could say and it was like, well, thank you. And you're very kind for noticing or very you're very kind for saying so. Right? Like, just to affirm that, like, hey. You took in a compliment. It was fine. Yeah. Yeah. That's alright. And I get it. Like, I I I I understand what we're protecting here, but, like, give people a break. How do they know her intellect? How do they know her manners? I you don't have to say anything. And I get that it's like, you could make a case that like, why even mention someone's appearance? I'm like, I don't yeah. I don't know. It's a pretty common way to talk to somebody. Hey. I like your clothes. Why are gonna mention my clothes? Yeah. I mean, it it used to be a compliment. It it because right now, your the thought process is is whatever you're saying in the positive is in playing the negative as well. Right? The only thing I find redeeming about you is your looks. But that's not what I said at all. I just said you're you're pretty. Right? But but what I didn't say was I hate your mannerisms. Your your manners aren't any important to me, and you're probably dumb.

Well, I didn't say any of that, but that's obviously what you're taking in. And so, like, that's really unfair. You can't compliment one thing if you're not gonna compliment 10 things because otherwise, you're not giving out a fair and balanced compliment. Which you wouldn't know anyway. Correct. Yeah. Let's just go with whatever the level of interaction we normally have is probably the only thing we could be held accountable for. I think that's fair. Airline from the Path. Every time we are in a restaurante, my cousin wants a bite of everything on everyone's plate.

I don't know how to say no. But being a health care worker, I know it's not safe to do all that sharing, but we're really overshare overselling it today, aren't we? How could I say no? She's leaning over my plate with her mouth open. Thank you for any ideas. I like this Grover type character. I mean,

This is a real character here. How can I say no? I think you say no. No. Yeah. No. I think you just said it. Yeah. I practice in the mirror at home. No. No. No. You know I'm a health care worker. Yeah. No. No, Sharon. I know this is unsafe. You know I don't share. Yeah. Yeah. Just say, you know, go the drug route. Just just say no. Hey. Can I try that? No. Yeah. How about that? No. Listen. Let's just get out of the way. Never. You can't eat my food. If you want more to eat, you need to order some more to eat, but this is mine. Yeah. Heck, I'll even go fifty fifty with you on an appetizer, and we'll split it right physically down the middle. Yeah. That's right. I know this is unsafe. You ever bought nachos? Like, you ever shared an appetizer? Okay then. Yeah. I mean, you were ugh. Yeah. I don't know why they let your high horse in the Applebee's No. But park it outside. I I'm I'm continually amazed. Here's the thing. It's like, I do this with my kids all the time.

People feel obligated to come up with some kind of lengthy story. Sometimes your answer is just no. Right? Yeah. Hey, dad. You wanna try this? No? Mhmm. Come on. Have a bite. No? Nope. You sure? I really want you to try this. It's delicious. No. I'm not interested. Thank you. I love you. Go away. These are fine things to say. Just just give just be done with it. Right? Don't don't dance around it. Don't worry about offending them. And you don't even have to tell them all the reasons why you're not interested in them sharing your food. Just say, no. No. I don't want to. Yeah. And if they here's the deal. They can't control themselves, then the only place you agree to go with them is a buffet. There you go. Yeah. Say, hey. Hey. Let's go to the Mexican restaurant. No way, man. You're a moocher. Yeah. We're we're going to the the the the Chong Dao buffet, and that's it. Yeah. Get yourself a bunch of quippy things to say. Right? Like, man. Can I have a bite of that? Do you know why they call it my plate? Because it is my plate. Yeah. Go away. You want a bite of this knuckle sandwich? Yeah. You go to the classics. Go with the old school classics. Yeah.

Yeah. There's okay. There's plenty of ways around this. So no. You don't let them do it. Be as firm as you think is necessary. Only agree to go to the buffet so there's an actual consequence if, like, whatever. But yeah. Yeah. Just say no. It's fine. I like this mouth open business. How does that feel? It's awkward. Just start taking pictures of it and put it on Facebook. There you go. Yeah. How old is strikes again. Is your cousin, like, 25 or four? You're like, ah, hit me. Ah. See? Chill it's open. Chimichanga. Chimichanga.

Chimichanga. Chimichanga. It's like a it's like a putt putt golf. Come on. Get it in. Will you stop that? We're in public. No.

Rice. Yeah. Pizza rice. Hit me. Alright. Zegular says, you have a right to refuse. But if you can't muster this word no, place a forkful of whatever your cousin is ogling on your butter plate and hand it to her. That way her dirty fork won't contaminate your food, and you won't have to spoon feed her. That wasn't the point. No. I'm actually everybody here's what I'm gonna tell you. And that this is just coming out of the COVID. Maybe this is the news that frightens you, but I need you to hear this. In a normal conversation,

people are spitting all over you. You just don't see it. You ever I'm a tell you, yours is gonna change the way you think about life. You ever you ever gonna be sniffing around and go, hey, man. Someone cut breeze around here. You ever you ever that ever happened to you? Yeah. Okay. You know what it is that is hit your nose? Butt particles. Yes. From somebody else. Did you think about Something came out of someone else's intestine Mhmm. And made its way out that out that cavern and into your nostrils. Yep. That's what happened. So it's not just like, oh, passively, someone cut cut Breeze. It came out of their body and it went into your nose physically. That's why you can smell it. And so whatever level of grossness you think you're protecting by someone not taking something off your plate, that ship has sailed. Yeah. You live a life of ignorance. And so just get on just get on with it. Open up your life. My kid I can just say this. I was sitting on the couch today, and all of sudden, we hear some splashing going on. Splashing. We go into the check-in the bathroom, and my kid is washing his hands in the toilet. Yeah. He just walked up the toilet, put his two hands in there, scrub a dub. He don't care. He don't care. Now here's the thing. I caught him this time. We're aware of it. You know how many times he's probably done that and I had no idea? Mini a moon. Yeah. No doubt about it. I probably kissed that that toilet hand

many times. Yeah. And I just don't know. So I I'm just telling you this. Before you overreact on some of these things, I get it. Just follow whatever sense of normal hygiene you feel is necessary, but don't over crank that wheel, buddy. Things are a lot worse than you're aware of. Wow. Okay. You got you ready for one more? Yeah. This one's it sounds heavy. Okay. Ready? Dear life from the path. My husband works out of town with his brother who is married. While I'm not close to my sister-in-law, I like her just fine. Mhmm. My problem is my husband keeps sharing with me that his brother's unfaithful while he travels. And I've actually overheard him on a call with my husband trying to show my husband nude pictures of other women. I can't express how much this boils my blood.

It's not only from the perspective of someone who has been cheated on before, not by my husband, but also that his brother's bragging with photos shows he doesn't respect any marriage or relationship. I feel stuck with deciding whether I should share this information with my sister-in-law or if it would be overstepping stepping some kind of boundary where it's not my business. Because I don't talk with her often, I'm afraid I would just cause drama where I shouldn't have put my nose. But I believe she's a good wife and mother, and I feel awful and burdened by the knowledge that her husband isn't faithful to her. Should I keep this to myself and rely rely on, quote, karma to one day reveal his transgressions, or should I give her the information I have? It involves no hard proof except my husband's word and what I overheard.

My husband thinks I should keep quiet and say says he would be uncomfortable being put in a position to out his brother. Yeah. Okay. You ready for my advice? Yep. Truth is truth. It doesn't matter where it came from. I think you you come out with it. Hey, man. Your husband's cheating on you. He said that. These are the facts I got. Bam. Done. Do with his information what you will. I had no reason to let him continue on acting like this. Yeah. Like like, zero reason. Like, I I I of the two that you listed were stupid. There's no imaginary boundary. I I get this all the time with people who've been doing doing stuff they shouldn't be doing. They're like, well, I I don't really wanna rat out to the other person blah blah blah. Then I'm a big telltale. No. You're a purveyor of truth. You know a true thing, and you told someone else a true thing because they should have known that. They're the ones being hurt, especially if they're the ones being hurt. I think you should tell them. And if they I mean, let's say she already knows. She doesn't care. Well, I mean, we give a shot. If you if you'd wanna know, then I think you should tell somebody else. I don't think there's anything sacred when it comes to people doing the wrong thing. I don't think there's any reason to hide that ever

or any reason to help them continue to destroy themselves. Because, obviously, it's not good for the husband. It's not good for the wife. And, apparently, they have a child. And so I I I don't know who you think you're protecting here, but it's not any of those three people. So I just pump it out. I go tell them directly. Yeah. I mean, the the the reality of it coming to light isn't the offen the man's already committed the offense. That's right. We're just talking about whether he's getting away with her or not. And there's nothing that says, hey, man. It's best to get away with things. Is there is there is there any is there any situation in which you wouldn't like, is there is there any consideration on the nature of your relationship, how close you are to the to the

sister-in-law or anything? No. I'd tell anybody anything. Yeah. Here's what I know. Yeah. I think I might talk to the the brother-in-law first, though. Say, hey. You you come clean. I'm letting her know. Yeah. Like, rather give him an opportunity to You got one week to speak or I'm gonna leak. Exactly.

You're welcome. Exactly. Some people have a blessings in their life. I have I have a gift. One week to speak or I'm gonna Some people are abnormally attractive like Dan.

Some people have a silver tooth. We gotta be ready after that. You know? I watch Dateline. So Yeah. Things happen. Bad stuff goes down. Mean, I realize this seems like a real heavy situation, but, like, if there's one conversation I hate being in is when people try to explain to me why I shouldn't tell the truth about them to somebody else. And when it comes out later, well, I don't know why I didn't tell you. I mean, that yeah. How do you explain that? Yeah. That sucks. I thought you knew. I had someone tell me that, like, they thought they thought someone in their family had committed a crime. They're like, I just don't think I can turn them in. I'm like, why? They committed a crime. I do it directly. Yeah. What's the problem? Call them right now. Call get the law involved. Tell them where they're at. Say, hey. Look. I think that person's over there. I got zero problems with turning I I got no I got no loyalty in people doing the wrong thing and then hiding them from the consequences.

That is certainly not how God has ever dealt with me. And so I got no I got no reason to promote that in anybody else's life. It's not to their betterment. Dang. All the advices went real fast, Ben. Yeah. I'm a tell you what the secular said. Okay. Yeah. Secular says, your brother-in-law is a conscienceless, immature braggart.

Must have committed affairities in the nineteen twenties. Quotes karma won't protect your sister-in-law from syphilis, chlamydia, gonorrhea, the herp, and hiv. To to name only a few Wait. Just to clarify, did she say the herp, or is that did you did you shorten that for the purposes? No. I yeah. I shortened it up. Okay. I was kind of interested. To name only a few of the STDs her husband has been exposing her to, tell her it's important she schedule an appointment with her doctor to be tested for all of them. Yeah. That's that's how you should do it. Hey. I think you should schedule an appointment to your doctor for STDs.

Why? Because your husband may be cheating on you. Why didn't you lead with that? Why did you lead with the STD thing? Yeah. Yeah. You're That seems cold and heartless. Yeah. He also tried to send nudes. Isn't that what you would want if the situation were reversed? What do mean?

If the situation were reversed. Right. If her husband was cheating on her, wouldn't she want the sister-in-law to tell her? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Yeah. I thought if she, like sorta had in my mind her cheating on her husband, I'm like, well, you probably wouldn't want someone to tell. That secret. Oh, we gotta do one more. I can't I just can't imagine getting that information, though. Oh, it'd be terrible. You know? Yeah. Yeah. I and and it suck it sucks that someone's put you in the position to cause this kinda to have to have to purvey the the truth because the other person wouldn't do it. Yeah. The brother's a coward. He's a big time coward. Yeah. I mean, I get that's that's the thing. It's the hardest thing to reconcile yourself, like, hey, if I say this thing out loud, it's gonna blow up. The thing already blew up. Yeah. It it's like an explosion that already happened on the ground that's just waiting for time to get to the surface. All you're doing is pointing out that it's at the surface. This has already happened. The the the the guy who pulled who lit the TNT already lit it. And that's not really your problem. You're just the you're just the person who's making sure everyone else is aware that there's danger coming their way. Yeah. It's like the tree falling in the woods question. Does it make a sound? Yeah. It does. When when you tell everybody that it fell down.

That's it's one of those deals. It it always fell down. We're just talking about whether you get to see the signs that it fell down or not. Okay. Last one. Here we go. Yep. Your life on the path. I have two adult daughters. One of them is self centered and refuses to give any gifts for my birthday or for Christmas, even though she very much likes receiving them. If this is her position, then I suppose that's okay because I don't need much, and it's really the thought that counts. I enjoy giving gifts, but I feel like I'm being taken advantage of. This is exacerbated by the fact that in the past, I have bailed her out of some sticky situations.

I know that's a different issue. Yep. And I have set boundaries for that. But this gift thing has frustrated me twice a year for the past ten years, and it's time for a better plan. Help, please. Okay. Good dad in Oregon. Yeah. You tell me when you meet him. That's a dad? Yeah. Oh, man. Here's a okay. Because I this is answerable in a series of questions. Hey, man. You do you like giving gifts? Yeah. Okay. Well, then keep giving gifts. What? What if they don't give me gifts back? What? Do you like to receive gifts? Yes. I think you just have to get used to that. Yeah. I mean, I here's the thing. Are you giving are you giving gifts because are are you swapping? Swapping? Do you like to give gifts or do you like to Go to swap meet. Yeah. You like to be swapping.

You like to play the play the dozens that that whatever you put into the pot, you might get something a little bit better out. Yeah. Like and if it's you don't really think it's the thought that counts because it sounds like this person's not thinking of you. So, you know, like, if you like giving gifts, then then just then it has nothing to do with whether you got something. It's not it's not a bargain. Yeah. Yeah. See, and I I if you'd have phrased it better and said, look, I'm concerned that I have raised a self centered child. Yes. That's a different conversation. And we might actually have something to talk about here. But you basically said,

dear life from the path, I am a great person, and my daughter won't even recognize me with gifts even though I am a great person, and I do better than she does at everything because I am a great person. What kind of grown man expects a gift on his birthday? I don't know. I've tried to shut that down for years. It's awkward. I say I'm kind of the opposite. You know what I want? Frankly, it's my money. You know what I'm saying? Like, I don't need if I don't buy my own crap Well, I think this is a grown daughter.

Yeah. Like, I just don't I mean, what are they what are they supposed to do? Like, like, I'll take a the card, whatever. You make me a card. That's like, legit is all I need. I don't really need what are they gonna what do we Mike, you remember we bought dad? When when we were, like, I don't know, seven or something, my mom gave us a little bit money, and we went my parents were divorced. Like, we go in there. We're gonna go into this pharmacy or Walgreens or something. We end up buying a can of Barbasol and some throwaway razors. Yeah. And that's what we got. I think it's for Father's Day. Practical. Yeah. I can't

I cannot believe my dad's a single man. You don't buy throwaway razors as a single man. You get the top notch razor. Yeah. Mach five. This is the only thing you gotta have around your place. So I can't imagine that he'd look at this and go, I mean, whatever. Thanks, fellas. Yeah. You really know the innermost parts of me. Thanks. You got me these throwaway razors. Like, you're just I I yeah. I can't I to be bummed out about it twice a year? Like, there's something wrong with you. You're not a good dude. How many birthdays does this guy have a year? That's what I wanna know. Is it Christmas? Do you think Christmas is the other one? Yeah. He's he's owed a gift on the celebration of the Lord's Day.

Yeah. Yeah. You're you're taking yourself in wrong, my man. You got a you got a magic mirror in your house that portrays you as the as the king of the land, and it ain't right. I mean, maybe she's low on funds. I mean, she could get him a card or something, I guess. Yeah. I mean, you could say now, I mean, here's the thing. I probably would casually bring it up. I can't imagine these two girls aren't in my presence at the same time at some point or another. And I might say You can't enable the thing. Yeah. Thanks for the thanks for the gift there,

child one. What what what's going on all your place? Yeah. I wish everybody would have told you you were pretty when you were younger. Yeah. Yeah. You have terrible manners. That's how you ended up this way. I mean, I might I might jokingly say something, and then, either she plays it off or she may she says something and I learn it. But, like, my relationship with my kids is probably that I can get away with that. Maybe you can't get away with that because you're a joker. This is exacerbated by the fact that in the past, I have bailed her out of some sticky situations. What the heck does that have to do with this? Yeah. Yeah. He said, I I acknowledge that's separate a thing, but I did want you to know it. Yeah. Owes me. Just know I still am a great guy. Yeah. And even though they don't give me the gifts, I have done I was a parent at some point and got my kid out of a sticky situation. Yeah. Because I'm a passive aggressive manipulator. I don't you don't really need to know that, but now you do. Yeah. This this dude's a he's a slice of turkey. Here we go. Wait. Wait. Wait. Did you have something? I was gonna say, I I I think is it Gary Smalley that has the five love languages? I'm thinking his love language is the gifts, receiving gifts. Boy, if it's not He doesn't feel that. Man is impossible to deal with.

Well, his love language is his own name whispered in his ear. Yeah. And a picture of himself in a tasteful nude about the fireplace. Chad. Boy, you're fantastic. Boy, I'm the best. I just love Chad. I wish more people would say, hello, Chad. Okay. Here we go. Secular. Says, if the situation was fine, you wouldn't have written to me about it. Take that, Chad. I believe in communication.

Have a long overdue talk with your daughter. Showing thoughtfulness isn't supposed to be a one way street, which is what your daughter has made it. More important than a tangible item is the thought behind it. From where I sit, if she doesn't bother to call or text you on these special occasions, I think your generosity has been taken care Did you I missed that part. You didn't say that. She's not calling or texting? No. It didn't say that. Oh. She's not doing that. Well, why is she saying that? She's trying to make it she's trying to figure out that the depths of this hillbilly, how he could be upset about the gifts, and assuming he means that she's not even contacting him. What'd she say? Did she say generosity isn't a one way street?

Thoughtfulness. It sure as crap is. Yeah. It very much can be a one way street. Yeah. Hey. That was very thoughtful, but only if you're thoughtful to me. Yeah. That's garbage. That's garbage advice. Yeah. Here's the thing. It's once again, like, you're in control of yourself, people of the world. Right? If you wanna be thoughtful, be thoughtful. If you wanna be generous, be generous. Don't depend it on anybody else's actions towards you. That's just foolish.

You will end up doing nothing. People will continue to let you down. That is why we worship a god that will not do that. That's right. And it gives it it gives other people you gotta recognize when you're giving other people control over your life. When you say, I will be generous to them if they are generous to me. Like you just said, hey, fella. I may or may not trust. Go ahead and control me. Don't let other people control you. Do what you wanna do. If you wanna be thoughtful, to to Mike's point, go ahead and do that. But like, I just I'm always sketchy about giving power to people to to to make decisions for me in my life by saying, well, I'm gonna act this way only if you do this. Unless it's like trying to teach my kids a lesson. Like, you can go with ice cream if you clean your room, maybe. Because I'm I'm dealing out power. But like, generally speaking, I just don't I don't like to give people license to decide how I behave. It's not their business, and I don't trust them. I don't care who they are. And so, like, why would you give why would you give them power to do that? Just be I I suppose just be careful who you're giving permission and power to control the type of person you wanna be. That's right. You get to decide how you act, and it's really foolish to base it on how other people act.

Yeah. Okay. You've listened to Live From The Pan. We really appreciate you hanging out with us this week, on advice only, well, I can't say Monday. All the shows are on Monday. Special,

third third week of the month, we do advice only for this month. Anyway, maybe you have some feedback on the show. Give us a call on the Bob Eisenhower complaint line. (515) 517-0085. That's (515) 517-0085. We'd love to hear from you and get your thoughts on the program. That's it. Call or text, either when it's fun. In the meantime,

we're we're planning on being here next week, so, be faithful in the means. God will hand to the ends. You've been listening to Live From The Path.