Live from the Pathway Studios in Johnston proper. You are live from the path.

And you're listening to live from the Pathway coming from the Pathway Studios here in Johnston Pepper. Okay. I got two things right off the bat. Okay. Let's have them. You know what China is like? No. I've never been there. China is like that that that friend or family member of yours that like, you're pretty sure they're addicted to some kind of drugs, but you can't ever actually prove it. Like their behavior is so weird and erratic. You're like, something is very weird. But like for all intents and purposes,

like, can't really you can't ever nail him down for it. Right? And so, like, I I I casually follow this story with this with this with the the tennis player or whatever, you know, who accuses somebody of being like, they assaulted her. And then, like, she you can't find her for a couple weeks, and then she issues a complete retraction. And then everyone's like, woah. What? This don't make any sense. And then she's like, oh, by the way, I was never assaulted. I could that was complete I never even said that. I was like, you you definitely said that, you know. And so, like, the whole thing is so, like, it's it's it's not I suppose it's not really that funny, but, like, it I don't know how we keep looking at at at at, like, the way that this is being reported out of China and go, you're lying. Yeah. You're a big fat liar. Like this none of this adds up at all. The Russians are like that too. Like, they're they're just so blatant. And they're like, we dare you to act like we this is this isn't true. Yeah. Like It's obviously not true. And once again, right, it's it's like that it's like that friend or or or family member who's got some kind of addiction issue, and you finally go, look, I I I think you struggle with this, and they act flabbergasted

that you would even insinuate such a thing. And Russia and China act the exact same way. They're like, listen, this woman bravely comes out and says, I was assaulted. And then all of a sudden, no one can get a hold of her for like weeks on end, and then like she pops some rando Twitter thing out or whatever Instagram post where like, I'm fine. I'm not under house arrest at all. You know, and you're like, what? Who would write that if you were fine? And no one would write that. Right? And so like, the the behavior is so weird

and and there's something about diplomacy or like like in our attempt to be peace makers that you just you take it in and go, well, maybe this is on the up and up. And you know what it is not on the up and up. It is just not. I thought it was there was something very that's the reason I thought of Russia was like they're amassing troops on like the border in Ukraine. Right. And and and we call we call them and we're like, hey, you you need to stop this. We won't take this aggression. And they're like, what? We're not going into Ukraine. Dude, you got like a tons of troops over Here's the picture. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's not us. Yeah. Or we we, you know, we're just there for the holidays. We like to gather over there. It's pretty. Like, we're this is preposterous.

I just I don't I I I I just it boggles my mind. Like because I I mean, I find myself getting sucked into it. You know, I'm like, I don't know. This could be legit. And then two seconds worth of thought goes, that doesn't make any sense at all. Like none of it makes any sense. Okay. Gaslighting. Oh, it really is. It's it's just it's way out of bounds. Number two. I I started I did I've been doing workouts from the YouTube. And I've never gone I've never done any like, whatever, guided workouts, you know. And here's the two things I learned is one,

that their motivational dribble is actually very helpful. Right? I figured I would be very irritated by it. Some guy going, come on, push it. You gotta feel the burn. That pain is just a just a signal to your brain. You could ignore it. I'm like, really? I'll keep rolling then. Yeah. I mean, like, my legs are hurting real bad or we're like, I'm super windy. He's like, you stop for a drink if you want. I'm not gonna. Well, I'm like, I'm not gonna. I can't have this TV guy's not stopping for a drink and I'm like dying over here.

And two, here's the key to success when you wanna do a workout video, is you gotta put some kind of slack slack jawed no health in there to motivate me. Right? Because I expect the super toned guy in the front and what I assume to be his super toned girlfriend just to the right to out outperform me in this workout. Yeah. He was But if you get a slight if you get a slightly plumpy dude about my age over there hustling it, I won't give up before he does. Right? Because me and him are in cahoots. We're both we're both unhealthy compared to these rock stars in the front. And so I look to that guy for motivation. I find me the guy that's running about two thirty, you know, two thirty and huffing and winded and can't quite get the full stretch to the ground. I'm like, okay, me and him are buds. And so if I see him tanking out, I'm like, good. It's time for the unhealthies to take a rest. But if he don't rest, I don't rest. Yeah. And so the the whole key to starting a workout this is advice to you guys. If you if you've not ever done this or you're thinking about trying it, don't go for the workout with the flashies. Get yourself two high profiles and one dumpster fire. And you and and you get friends with the dumpster fire. And if and if that guy can make it through, you better be making it through. Because they're on TV doing it, hustling it up with two rock stars right next to them. You're in your grundies in your house. You got no excuse. You know what I'm saying? I felt so I I I I do some workouts on the YouTube, and I find that I do best

when there's there's there's a strain where there's a lady leading it. And here's why, is when she's just doing all the stretching in business, like, I can easily put myself into the compartment that says, hey, can't stretch that way. I'm a dude. Yeah. I can't near reach that far. And so I don't feel bad that I can't do it because she's always like, just stretch as far as you can. I'm like, well, this is as far as I go, man. I got my three inches up. But then, when she does the weight training, I mean Yeah. I lift more. And so she's like, we're gonna lift 24. I'm like, I'm gonna be 40. And then I feel powerful. Yeah. And so I I now but then she's got like her husband also does it, and he he he lifts heavier than I do. He's got a lot of stamen. And he also does yoga, and he can bend all kinds of places. And he puts me to shame, and I don't like to watch him. I like to have the lady on there because I then I feel like I don't feel as judged. No. That's true. I actually tried one of the online yogas, and boy, did I pick the most hippie dippie, I mean, Beatles guy ever. You know? You got got to deeper well on the screen. Oh, boy. Yeah. I mean, he just shows up with I mean, I don't know. He must have had a smile implanted because I mean, was bigger than his face. You know, and he's like, good morning, yogis. And I'm like, oh, I can't take this already. And

he's got like super stretchy pants on and he's he's like standing on two fingers reaching for the sun. I'm like, you're making fun of me. I know you're laughing at your place right now as you burn incense and think about how unflexible I am. But I mean and and that's the thing. It's like, he's always like, just rest in this position and and and breathe natural. And I'm like dying in whatever position he's put me in. I can't sustain it for like three seconds. And he's just living it like he's he was born there and the Lord designed him to melt into the carpet that way. I was at the gym the other day with my wife and I was we were were hitting the bench press. And I was, you know, I was getting ready to lift and I was I was trying to get her to razz me up so I could lift more. Yeah. And so I was laying down there, I was like, beep me on the chest. Call me Diesel. And she wouldn't. She refused. Because she didn't wanna be embarrassed by the other gym goers that she had. She was Call me Diesel.

Yeah. Come on, woman. I don't ask that much. How do you call me diesel? Call me call me diesel. Slap me. Did wait. Were you able to lift the bigger get the bigger gains? Well, she did it real quiet. She she she looked because she didn't wanna be embarrassed. And, you know, like I've grown up and stuff, like I was lifting in high school and college, and I go with my my pals, and that's what we do. It's like take each other Slap City and call each other Squanto and Diesel and Rhino and all sorts Slap City. All sorts of different stuff. So you don't razz each other up before you do a lift. And then,

yeah, she just doesn't wanna do it. So she'll she'll lean in and go Diesel. Isn't working for me. I'm surprised you didn't get some kind of roid neck come rolling by and go, diesel. Diesel. What's up, diesel?

You're eating protein after this? Me too. Yeah. Some guy some guy was trying to tell me, he's like because I was asking him about weights or whatever and he goes, well, you know, usually get up at like 05:30 and I do my pre I take my pre workout. You know, I'm like, what do you mean take the pre workout? What's that mean? He goes, it's some kinda, I don't know, shake or something. I'm like, drinking a full on shake at 05:30 in the morning? That seems weird. He goes, you gotta do it before you do the workouts. I'm like, no wonder I can't gain any muscle mass or whatever. Me and this yogi guy are about the same frame, but like I I I mean, what is a pre workout? What's in there? So it depends on so there's Yeah. You say beans? Proteins. Oh, proteins. Well, there's protein. There's like there's there's stem and non stem pre workouts. Yeah. And so some some of them, you know, have a copious amount of

caffeine in them, you know, get you going for your workout. They have something called beta alanine, which is supposed to dilate your blood vessels so that you get more blood flow to the muscles that you're working, but it also makes you super itchy and makes you feel like you got bugs on your skin. Super itchy. Yeah. It's weird. It sounds like That's amphetamines. It it feels real weird. Okay. I don't want any of that. I just want regular stuff. And then there's non stem where it's just like, you know, it just makes you feel feel good, feel feel alright. What's the lord's version of this? Can I just blend a bunch of crap up and drink? Beet juice. You can take a bunch of beet juice. Beet juice? Beet juice. Yeah. People do that. Kiwis and beet juice. Keep it right. That sounds horrendous.

Or you could just drink water and, you know, accept that, you know, you're not gonna get all stemmed out and crazy and go punch pump a bunch of iron. You just hey, they're yogis. The only way to do this is unnaturally. Yeah. You gotta take you gotta take steroids. Wait. What?

I'm confused by this because recently, me and you had an arm wrestle. Mhmm. And you're very strong. But but I'm out of shape. Yeah. It's Did you wrestle with his stomach? No. Did you give him a a belly wrestle? No. I gave him an arm wrestle. That's where he keeps it. And he's very strong. No. I got I got And he's doing online yoga. Yeah. I gotta I gotta do something. I'm getting old and my I I think my back is gonna cause me trouble unless I start straightening this up. Yeah. And frankly, I have to do it's that Sparta thing you brought up a couple months ago, And like, it just it helps me do things. I don't do anything intentionally. I'm just terrible about owning my days. And so and and I I found that if I allow if I don't own the parts of my day that I can, I start to blame the parts that are are owning it for me? Right? Like I start getting upset at my job, I get upset at my responsibilities for whatever

if I don't take some responsibility for what I'm doing. And so working out is one of those things where I take ownership of it. So whether I need it or not, I have to do something. And running is killing me. My knees can't do it anymore. I was thinking about this recently. I was thinking about the Sparta challenge because I've fallen out of it. Mhmm. And I I also I bought a book by by it was Marcus Aurelius Mhmm. Who was a a stoic.

And I was thinking about how much like, things like the Sparta challenge or things like that that Marcus Aureli says where he's like, measure your day. So, you know, at the end of your day, think to yourself, what did I accomplish what I wanted to today?

Like, how much of this in a Christian life is acceptable where you wouldn't say, you know, it's it just seems like practical advice. I guess this comes down to kinda like the secular versus Solomon. Yeah. Where it seems like pretty good advice to think at the end of your day, did I did I do what I wanted today? Did I take ownership of my day? Mhmm.

But is that really the question? Or did I let Jesus take ownership of my day? Well, I I suppose I know. If if letting Jesus take ownership of your day is also an intentional move. Right? Like, have to you have to continue to hand that over. Otherwise, you will find yourself not doing that. And so it's I think it's just as intentional. Right? So if you could look at the end of the day and go, did I did did I accomplish what I wanted to, which was allowing my day to be be to be available to the work of the Holy Spirit. If I can answer yes to that, then yeah. I did what I wanted to with my day. Right? Yeah. I'd say I might not What's bring a stoic? I don't even know what a stoic is.

So as I'm kind of bang on it as well. I just started reading the book. But you threw it in there as if you understood it completely. No. I I don't. I just know that he was a stoic and they're like the principles of stoicism are like, basically that. Making sure that you are doing what you want to do, which is

being not like flashy and and glamorous and and just taking things in kind of an even keel. Yeah. Yeah. So they were the stoics in general is so if you if you think of a stoic person, it's someone who's not, who doesn't like react one way or the other. Yeah. Like they don't and so stoicism was a belief that like they didn't they didn't believe

in like titles. Like some of the external things did not otherwise drive your value. And so they they weren't otherwise led by some of the the flashy things that otherwise would try people would try to present themselves as if they make me better than other people. They would disregard that at least. And so it became kind of a more purist in individual

measure of your own man type of type of structure. A lot of journaling. I mean, I could see I could see principles crossing over to a Christian life that way. Although, I

think stoicism would obviously it would require a lot of thought. And like like I can't even I don't even spend any time looking back at my day and going, did I accomplish what I wanted to accomplish? I just think I gotta go to bed because I gotta get up in the morning. Know, because you didn't well, so this is where it would point out to you is that like you didn't start trying to own your day. Your day largely owns you. You got up because you had to go to work. You ate because your stomach told you was hungry. You stayed at work because you better.

You came home and you probably had stuff to do there that someone that either responsibilities that you had previously set up or that other people expect of you, whether it be wife or kids or whatever. And then you wanna go to bed. And so like, these are all your life is living you to a certain extent. Yeah. So like but the but the prime thing would be is when you start your day going, I own this day. What am I gonna do? Now, this is where you'd rub on on from biblical perspective, you probably should wake up with him. This is the day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it. Walk faithfully in the stuff he's asked me to do. You got anything for me or what? And then otherwise That's the same choice still. Right? It should be. Yeah. It can be. It can be. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So but I don't think there's anything wrong with taking a measure of your day. And like, especially when the life that's around you like sometimes you're you're just walking in the life that you had set up with intention,

and that's totally fine. And then sometimes, you end up looking at your phone two hours a day. And if you would ask at the start of the day, do I wanna spend two hours looking at my phone? You go, well, heck no, man. That's what a waste of my time. But at the end of the day, your phone worked you, worked you over and lived your life for you. And you got bested by the technology that you bought. Your phone took you to Slap City. Yeah. Diesel. It made yeah. It made you call it diesel. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think there's anything wrong with taking a measure of your day and going, is this is this what I want? Like, how can you It

wasn't just the measure of the day thing that I was thinking about particularly. Because I've I've read several, you know well, they're self help books. Yeah. They don't call themselves that, but that's what they are. Yeah. And they give all sorts of, you know, advice like, you know, you should read 10 of what the Sparta Challenge is made up of is from different, like, things that I found from different books. Mhmm. Like reading 10 pages a day. Yeah. Or, you know,

most of them are not like Jesus people, so they'll say, you know, spend time being spiritual or whatever. And, you know, obviously, I'm not just gonna sit around thinking spiritual thoughts. That's that's where I brought the Bible in, you know. Yeah. I find that that doing yoga is a really good time to pray for me. I like praying when I'm doing the yoga. People are like, what was it? What was a big kick like ten, fifteen years ago? People are like yoga is a eastern There's still people doing this. It's a scary Yeah. I've met people. I mean They're against it. Yeah. I don't I don't see it, friends. I mean, obviously, if the same person can can the same act that we used to pray like prostrate

praying is also used in in five other religions for horrible reasons. Right? Like talking to false deities. And so that doesn't make the prostrate praying bad. Like, it's just a really weird thought to attribute worldly actions that could be repeatable

or are a natural outpouring of a body, like a body stretching is somehow evil. Here's what it is. It's like it's like saying that some other false god owns the copyright on something. Yeah. And that the Lord must respect it. Yeah. Hey, Lan. I've copyrighted to bow in this way, to stretch in this way, to try to clear your mind out from thinking a bunch of other stuff and to focus on a particular thing. It's okay. And as long as that's Jesus, you don't have a problem. If you say, look, I open my mind and allow whatever in the world to come in. Okay. Yeah. But you shouldn't do that ever. I don't care whether you're stretching or not while going about that. True. It's a risky way to go about life. Have you ever looked into that? The the Sojo prayer or whatever? No. What's that? No. I can't remember all the way. I remember some professor talking about in school. It was basically opening yourself up to beings. I don't know if it's I don't wanna speak anymore about it from my knowledge standpoint. I'd say give it a Google. It's called but it's opening yourself up to like spiritual

entities, like emptying yourself so that God can come in, think is essentially the idea. The fear is that it could open it up to demonic activity. Right. Yeah. Like like

like a demon's gonna run faster than the Lord. I know what I'm saying? Like Yeah. I'm not really there. Why would I be afraid of that? If you're there for good intent, I don't think God's gonna go, like, stand in the hall while some other, like, evil spirit runs ahead and goes, yeah. You just you really opened yourself up to the wrong I know you were looking for me, but I saw the way you bent that leg. Yeah. Right. Like, it just it it I I I know I know what people are trying to protect, but I feel like it represents God in a lowly manner. Like like that he is one super legalistic about how things work,

and two, that he has no that he's easily outran by some sort of evil spiritual force. Yeah. Right. Well, like when I when I sit down and and whatever yogi man goes, okay, it's time to meditate or whatever, and I go, okay, Jesus, I would like to be empty of me and more of you today. And then he's outrun by a Tibetan monk or something who shoots in and decides that like some other spiritual force wanna make Now I own your soul. That's ridiculous. Like, that's that's what a puny god I worship. If I feel like he's gonna get out out maneuvered by some other rando spirit. Right? That just that sounds is more for someone who does not have a faith that they're opening up through the spiritual Right. But most of these warnings are to Christians. They're like, hey, don't do yoga at your church. Yeah. Like, oh, okay. Go do it. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, and

I thought actually, my wife has told me a story. She said she picked up I don't know what this is because it's supposed to be some sort of Christmas present for me. Now I'm super interested what it is because she had to go to some sort of weird spiritual store. And have you heard of the ancient ways in Drake in the Drake neighborhood? I think it's I got like think they also have one in the mall. It's got like healing crystals and all kinds of weirdness in there. But like this was specifically something for me, and she's like never been so she goes in there with my oldest daughter, and both of them go in there and they're like, this place is creeping me out. It's weird in here. And not just like weird, because like I know

I got weird stuff. But like it it was it was to the extent that she found the thing that she was going in there to buy, and then she got out and like my oldest daughter said, it felt like a little bit like you were being attacked in there. And like, I don't know. She could be that in like a hyper spiritual thing, or I think she also had trouble breathing because of whatever they're burning. Who knows? You know? And so like, one of the questions was is like, do we like, she went in there and obviously, she didn't think there's anything wrong with the item. They just happened to be the people that carried it. She's like and she was telling me, she's like, I'm not sure whether to give this to you or not. Do we just chuck it? Or like because it was weird enough that like both of them walked away going, I don't know. This feels weird. I said, well, you know, don't keep it on your conscious or anything. Just chuck it out. We'll get to something fresh. Order it from the Internet or something where you don't get to have to smell it on the way in. But like, it was one of those things where like, you can you can eat meat that's been sacrificed to idols

if it's as long as it's not on your conscience. Right? So like, don't I don't know what they got in the store. I'm not particularly worried, but there's some kind of weirdness to it that it would bother me. But like, also, you felt something weird going on in there. Feel free to chuck it. There's no reason to dance with anything that you don't wanna dance with. I used to like it was with high school. Think it was Spencer Gifts was the big thing at the malls, you know. Yeah. And there was always a section there that was just kinda creepy. Yeah. You know, I can't I can't remember what it was. It's just the dark lights and the posters and the paraphernalia stuff you could buy. And every once in while, I in there, there was something I I can't remember what it was. I'd I'd wanna get something. Maybe it was a black light or something to go over my cool tiger poster I had in my bedroom. But I would feel like I there's just yeah. I could just feel like, oh, it's something just not right. Yeah. And and so I didn't go there very often, but I mean, whatever I got, I used. I mean, I don't know. Did you did you get a black light for your Tiger Post? Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Was it epic? Like, it like, the white stripes kinda glowed in the dark and stuff? As I recall, I had a couple of those little felt. They were like felt and and they had like stuff

for black lights and Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Also, it pretty nice. And one was a tiger and I think I think I had a leopard too or something. I don't remember. This is a whole new side of you, Dan. Yeah. I I didn't see this coming I've heard the incense. I did get some incense there. Yeah. We played Jenga. It was wrong.

Alright. So there is one story. We're just gonna do advice today, but I wanted to talk about those do you guys hear about those missionaries to Haiti? Yeah. So so they had gotten kidnapped, and there was a real worry about them. But they they've escaped, and they didn't just like get rescued. They they escaped

this group of folks. So check this out. Captive missionaries in Haiti found freedom last week by making a daring overnight escape, eluding their kidnappers and walking for miles over difficult moonlit terrain with an infant and other children in tow. The group of 12 navigated by stars to reach safety after a two month kidnapping ordeal. Officials with Christian Aid Ministries, the Ohio based agency that the missionaries worked for, said Monday at a press conference. The detailed accounting of their journey to safety comes after news Thursday that all 17 hostages were finally free, and the cam later announced they had forgiven their captors. A total of 17 people from the missionary group, 12 adults and five minors were abducted October 16 shortly after visiting an orphanage

in Gantheier in the Croix De Bouquets area, where they verified it received aid from Cam and played with the children. Cam had said, the group included 16 Americans and one Canadian. That's why they were targeted. Their captors from the 400, Mawazo gang initially demanded millions of dollars in ransom. Again, we've given the wrong impression here in the Christianity, where they look like we got 17 guys and like, we're gonna need 8,000,000. And we laugh. And we say, we we barely got $28

to put together food in a building for these folk. Five other captives had earlier reached freedom. It is still unclear if any ransom was paid. CAM general director David Troyer did say supporters for CAM raised funds possible use for a ransom, but he refused to say whether one was paid for any of the releases. One of the missionaries speaking in Anabaptist church in Pennsylvania on Sunday said there were times the captives wish someone would pay the money for their release. We did start to doubt and say, you know what? Why doesn't someone just pay the money? But I believe that was Satan himself. The missionary said in a three hour recording of his testimony obtained by,

this is on Christianity Today. According to the missionary, the men, women, and children prayed and sang three times a day during the two months they were held hostage, rebuked Satan, shared the gospel repeatedly with their captors, and learned to trust God for their deliverance. The Lord wanted us to put our complete trust in him. He said, it wasn't by the arm of man that we were delivered at all. It was small things and big things that the Lord did for us. Here's the escape escape plan. The missionaries didn't try to escape until all of them agreed that that's what God wanted them to do. Oh, that's bold.

It's that sounds right, but like it's like trying to get a jury to come to the same thing. And there's one guy who's like, I ain't feeling it. I'm not sure the Lord wants us to go yet. I love that. After walking, after walking through the night and emerging out of a thicket of briars and brambles,

they knocked on the door of a house near a highway and discovered two Christians practicing trumpet music for church on Sunday. That's funny. One of the men loaned them a cell phone to call Cam. After a number of hours of walking, day began to dawn and they eventually found someone who helped make a phone call for help. They're finally free. I wish this the now the key how did they get out?

They just said they started walking. Could could it be the captors just kinda like thought, yeah, we're not getting anything out of all these people. Let's let them think they're going. Yeah. Maybe? Maybe? I mean or I mean I'm thinking because they're like, what, 17 white dudes with doilies, and they're gonna stick out in Haiti. Yeah. Dudes. Mean, people. Yeah. They're like they're Anabaptist. They like they they're Quakerish.

Yeah. And they they look at I I think they that's kinda like Richard Foster, isn't he? The Quaker, the the celebration of discipline. I think he's Quaker. His whole philosophy is like, I can't say, hey, I really feel God speaking and telling me I need to leave. If you're in community, the other community's members say, I think God's saying it's time you go. And like, so you all come to that consensus together like telling Yeah. Us all to go. I They've sent my children memory from reading one of his books. Didn't Barton Stone come out of the Anabaptists?

Who's who's Barton Is that the kid the other guy? Yeah. Campbell He's the other guy. Barton Stone. I remember Campbell. Wildman. Campbell Stone. Yeah. Wildman Stone. Yeah. Unity and truth. Unity. They all have to leave together. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Deal with the mic.

I don't know what any of that means, Ben. They didn't tell how they get the how they got how they escaped? No. That's what I'm saying. You made it sound like there was like sweet details of what daring midnight do. Okay. No. Wait. Here we go. Okay. Hold on. Here here's here's more information about their about their captivity. They were taken hostage on the way back from the orphanage. They had no idea what was ahead of them. Only five or ten minutes after getting underway, they saw a roadblock up ahead. The group's driver, the one Canadian in the group turned around, but a pickup truck pursued them and gang members surrounded the van. He said they were initially crowded into a small room in a house, but were moved around several times during their captivity. They were not physically harmed by the kidnappers, they said. But he said the main physical challenge included the heat, mosquitoes, and contaminated water for bathing, which led some of them to develop sores.

Sometimes the young children got sick. However, they said most were in good health. The adults received small food portions such as rice and beans for dinner, although the captors provided plenty of food suitable for the small children. That seems like a real luxurious captivity. So far. The hostages gathered multiple times during the day for prayer and religious devotions, and sometimes singing loud enough for each other to hear when they were in separate rooms.

They also sought to encourage other hostages who were being held for ransom and separate kidnappings. Okay. So this is a shop of ransom people. Mhmm. Okay. Over time, the hostage agreed to the hostage agreed to try to escape and chose the night of December 15 to flee. When they sensed the timing was right, they found a way to open the door that was closed and blocked, filed silently to the path they had chosen to follow and quickly left the place they were held despite the fact that numerous guards were close by. Here's the deal. I guess I don't know what kind of story I was expecting, but that's kind of how the the freeing from the jailers worked out in Axe. Yeah. They just kinda walked by the fellas and said, we're we're heading out. I mean, I thought there was gonna be a draft involved. Like a draft showed up, gave everybody the big neck sweep, and then out they out they fled. The final says, after the news conference, a group of CAM employees stood and sang nearer my god to thee in the robust four part acapella harmony that is a signature of conservative Anabaptist worship.

What I mean, what did they give him $20 to say that? That was weird. Yeah. But but yeah. By the way I mean, it's not a cool enough story. They escaped the kidnapping. All of sudden, we gotta make sure that we compliment their acapella style singing. That's weird. Yeah. That was that's odd. Okay. I was pretty cool. I'm glad they got out. That's that's definitely.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Here's the deal. As I was looking at other news stories, and they none of these seem really good. These all seem these yeah. I didn't find anything that looked any pretty any good at all. Alright. You wanna do a little bit of advice? Yeah. Let's do it. Cowtale? Yeah. Dear life from the path. I have been dating, quotes Mark, for eighteen months. Four months ago, his 17 year old daughter, quotes Hayley, started disliking me. My dog, my kids, anything having to do with me. She forbids me from going to Mark's house when she's there and has an emotional meltdown every time we see each other. She has a major episodes whenever my name is mentioned and has become violent with her sister, Lily, Mark, and me. Last night, Lily told Hailey my kids and I were invited over for dinner. Hailey is going to be gone for a football game. And Hailey accused Lily of ruining their family for liking me. Mark had to separate them to protect his younger daughter. The problem is there are never any consequences for Hailey's behavior. Mark keeps telling me she needs quotes time. I've tried to end the relationship, but Mark insists we just need to stick it out. We've been talking about moving in together before Hailey went into this phase. Now everything is on pause and our relationship has taken 10 steps backwards.

How can I get over this and become comfortable rather than upset in our relationship? He keeps promising he will make changes but he doesn't. Nothing is moving forward. Do I walk away or wait it out? Okay. I'm gonna we're gonna work work backwards on a couple things. Okay. So I'm gonna start at the end. I'm a tell you this. If you are in some sort of relationship where you're trying to mix or blend

families, and we're gonna ignore whatever consequences brought this particular situation. I'm gonna tell you the worst thing you can do is do things half measures like we're moving in. Mhmm. Like, that's destructive even for two people who don't have any children. But like, it just just I mean, open up your mind a little bit. Like, obviously, the man's daughter is reacting to something. It's probably not even personally you. It might be. Maybe I may I don't know you well enough. But like, it's probably not personally you. There's something,

there's there's a brokenness in that family that describes the situation how we even got here. And talking about moving in together is a noncommittal. So it's the worst possible thing that you can do is reinforce this notion of we're only passively committed. Because she's already experienced some form of loss whether it's I I didn't get the sense whether the man was divorced or the the the mom died or something. But like either way, there's there's a there's an abandonment feeling in there somewhere. And so like, you're being selfish and he you and he both to talk about moving in together. Like, you either commit to those families being together and and those kids know that you are gonna be there forever, or you don't do this at all.

So I think that's top tier. You gotta you gotta you're thinking about this incorrectly. And if and frankly, if that's an indication that you're too focused on yourself here, there's a there's a problem. This man needs to parent his daughter through it. I think you want a firm hand. I'm not sure that that actually solves what the problem is. Like, it could be a rebellion, some sort of disciplinary issue, but, like, my guess is because it's tied to you, that it's it's a result of something else. Like, there's a it's a family dynamics issue. It's a you're replacing my mom or like,

she you're whatever time she has with dad, now you're horning in on that. Like, these are legitimate problems that you're gonna have to figure out to work through, and you're gonna have to my strong recommendation would be to start, saying, what does this look like from her eyes? And

and not I I don't mean to condone any of her behavior, but I think you do have to recognize what this might feel like to her before you start saying what it feels like to you. Yeah. I I I agree. Here's the thing is like, this tends to be true in especially cases of divorce is all of the choices that you made prior to that that divorce are still true.

Right? Like, you chose to have children. You chose to take on these responsibilities. And then just because the the marriage portion did not work out for whatever reason, and now does not abdicate the responsibilities that you that are already yours. And so I I think Ben's right. Like,

you know, even even in most therapy or, you know, suggestions on people going through divorces, they're like, like, don't even start don't even consider dating for a year. It's a full year before you can even even let it into your mind and act like you're gonna take another person into this dynamic. You gotta figure out what's going on with your kids and figure out the transitions and all that jazz. And and yeah. I think you should just take a giant step back. I mean, if we were it looks like you got a couple issues going on here. I think Mark probably does need to, you know, work on parenting his kid. But like with here's the thing is like without the divorce in the middle of this or whatever situation caused a broken family, this 17 year old girl is on her way to to out the door. Right? She's on her way to more freedom and and less parental input and on her way out. And like when when a a breakup of a family happens, that all gets stunted and very messed up. And so what should be is like she's almost 18, it's almost time for her to go. This conflict shouldn't be that big of a deal. But the the reason we're having this conflict is more than likely caused by the fact that her her broken

the brokenness coming from her house. She's not as prepared as she would have been to to to get out and continue living as you would expect things to happen in a progression. So, I mean, you're gonna have to there's a lot of there's a lot of ingredients to put in this bowl and look at before you decide what kind of cake is coming out. Dan? Yeah. I agree I agree with you guys. The time is very short of her being back there. Celebrate her while you can because

at at the same time, she she's a lot of line too, you gotta get your parenting going on there. But at the same time, she's gonna be gone. I mean and and she'll just be gone. So put a little pause, you know, slow down a little bit. I wouldn't put any pause in the relationship, but slow down. Yep. Talk marriage. I mean, I agree with everything you guys said. And and let her be the the the senior. She's probably a senior in high school. Let her be a senior in high school. That's a crazy time anyway. Let her go on to college, and then you can start making decisions. Because at that point, it's more natural. Her decisions are are going a different a different direction and toward maturity.

You also don't wanna force her out before she's ready because then she'll make some mistakes that will cost her the rest of her life too. Yeah. Yeah. And with time being so short, like, just think of it like you're you're planning for her benefit to not force an issue right now. That's right. And the issue will be in a much different landscape when she heads off to college or Right. Because you love her. You're taking on the role of someone who is to look out for her and love her even when she's having a hardest time seeing taking the world incorrectly. And right now, if she was gonna make you out to be the boogeyman, what do we I mean, what's the advice you give your kids? Right? Is it true? Are you the boogeyman? Are you the one causing all this trouble? You know the answer is no to that. So realize that the person accusing you of such a thing is taking the world in a little bit rough, and you're gonna have grace and mercy for that because she's a 17 old girl from a broken home. So, yeah, I I think you gotta this is not about you. Yeah. And and this is not a particular surprise. Right? Like, your your older kid is just like, they're gonna be more keenly aware of what's going on. They understand relationships a little bit better. The younger one probably, you know, is just glad to have some attention.

Whether, you know, from from a new figure in their life and a bigger family is still good and still seems good. As you get older, you start to be suspicious of people and relationships. You realize relationships can break. And right? So like what seems like a rosy opportunity for the younger kid probably seems like a risk to the older one. And so like, now they're having to deal with issues that they are not

mature enough, and I don't mean that harshly. It's just, you know, experience wise. When you when you start learning about the harsher things of life or where things can go can go wrong, you start you do digest it heavier that way because it's new to you. And so you start to kinda take it in in that way. And so she's she's probably worried about her dad. She's worried about what this means in the relationship between you and her. She's trying in some ways to protect her sister, but also kind of accusing her, for being open to something that you've that she's worried that will be harmful. And then again, taking time away from from dad and her so that dad can spend time with you. Like, she's trying to deal with a whole awful lot, half of which she's just not prepared for.

Right. And even the mom even the dad's not prepared for this. Right? Like, didn't create us to be able to get used to rolling in and out of marriage type relationships. Right? Like, God just did not create our our humanity to be good at that. And if you are good at it, you're doing it poorly. Yeah. Right? You should it should be hard to devote your entire life to somebody and have that crumble and then have to do and then and then get ready to devote your entire life again to somebody. That should be it should be a slow figuring out walk. Yeah. Yeah. Think of think of even

even where the the Bible starts to to hone in on on polygamous relationships, they stink at them. There's always an offended party. There's always someone who's not getting the time. And, like, there's always a family break in there somewhere Yeah. Because you tried to to to to do something that you're not meant to do. And so, like, where where I think you've heard people kind of accuse scripture of, well, it doesn't speak out against it. I mean, you don't have to. Look at it. Yeah. These are not like, they're obviously they're not healthy

relationships. And so, like, that's what we're talking about. You're trying to navigate broken world stuff, and then you're ask then your kids trying to navigate it too. So I suppose that the advice to her then is like, if we summed it up with slowdown,

you need to think in terms of permanent commitments. Half this is not this is not the situation for half measures. Would be well served to have some grace for her and the balance of of changes and everything that she's trying to digest at the same time. You'd have some grace for the for the dad,

who who probably does still need some encouragement here. He still needs to parent his daughter. Because like again, you can't if a kid doesn't know situations, even 17 year olds, are gonna try out certain emotions and certain reactions to see what works in the world. You still have to act as a boundary, dad.

Even if it's understandable that her reactions are angry, she still has to know that it's not okay to react that way, to treat the woman harshly, to be cruel to her sister. Like, you still have to be the bounder. You're not helping her, or nor like, to not do that. And so you you could encourage the guy, but have some grace with him. He doesn't know how to walk through this either. He obviously cares about you. He cares about his kids. He he wants both because everything makes him makes him feel good. It feels safe and warm. But

he doesn't know how to do it either. And then you you're just gonna have to be patient and sit this thing out. I wouldn't press any farther until she's off to college and then see where things sit and maybe reevaluate. Segler says, I wish you had mentioned what the plans are for Hailey when she turns 18 and graduates from high school. Is college in her future? Will she get a job and continue living with her father? That Mark is unable to assert himself with Hailey is to say is to say the least regrettable. If you haven't already done so, suggest to Mark that family counseling could help him get to the root of what has caused Hailey's abrupt change of attitude. From what you have described, she may have severe emotional problems that require professional help. Okay. Here's the thing.

I don't like to don't like you piling on this kid like it's the kid's fault. This is this broken brokenness causes this. And like as much as sometimes divorces happen, that kid didn't do anything to bring that on. That's really unfair. To to say a kid has severe emotional problems and they have to get into counseling why the parents are not taking any responsibility for the mess that they done caused, I don't like that. It feels out of balance to me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It presumes that a kid should have the ability to take to handle this situation. Like, Right. Why? Why would a kid have to like, any kid should have the ability to do this. They shouldn't. She had no voice in any of this. Yeah. Yeah. It was I'm I'm not saying that she doesn't need emotional help. She probably I mean, I'm not saying counseling is not a good idea. It probably is. Right. But like, I don't I just don't the the the the aspect where you come at it and be like, that kid needs to get in some counseling to get right with this situation. You produced a bad situation,

and then you expect the kid to be right up to speed with it and know what's going on. Like, that's really unfair. That's that's not fair. You need to take more responsibility than that as a parent. That whether or not whether you contributed to the brokenness in that home or not, whether it was your fault, whether it wasn't, it doesn't matter. You're still the adult here. You're still the apparent here. And like you take on responsibility and look at it as it would affect your child. And like at the very least, it's not her fault. That's for sure. Yeah. Yeah. Even if it doesn't change the actions that you take, you do need to talk about it differently. Because like when you talk about it that way,

it allows you to to hone in in your mind of how that how she is changing to deal with the situation, and does not put the load on you where it should be on how will I change in this situation. That's right. You change the situation or your spouse change the situation by not being married anymore. Yeah. Yeah. And like I and maybe that's a that's like a broad advice, but but like it is important how you talk about things. It's important how you voice them and how you how you say things out loud because we will often say things such a way that relieve ourselves of the responsibility of further internal analysis. That that come to the conclusion that someone else is to blame, and so we start asking about their behavior. And sometimes it doesn't mean that the action, the next steps are different, but how you like, once you've said it out loud and you remember the conversation that way, it seems like you're reaffirming something that is true the second time it comes up when it could have been wrong the first time. And so, like, it really stinks to microanalyze

how you how people are speaking, and nobody likes doing that in the middle of an argument, obviously. But like, I would caution that if you if you're really looking to resolve relationship things in a right way, I I I can't advocate enough for slowing down, taking breaths, and being careful with your words to make sure they're communicating what you actually intend. Because, like, they will, like it or not, become the foundation of what you believe is true the next time you have that conversation even if you said it wrong the first time. Because since you already said it once and it was already the foundation of an argument,

you will defend it the next time it comes up. And like you wanna leave an argument and or a discussion with the right perspective of who needs to work on something. And and if you walk away thinking it's not you, on almost any conversation, you should walk away with something. I probably could have handled this better.

I've been there's all kinds of times where I've been right, and I totally represented it incorrectly. I said it wrong. I said it at the wrong time. I said it in the wrong tone. I said it in front of the wrong people. Like, I was in the right, but I did almost everything wrong in getting that across, and I should take responsibility for that. And so, anyway, just it's hard, but but it matters it matters how you're saying things. Dear life from the path. Occasionally,

when my husband goes running, I drop him off at the park while I do the grocery shopping. We agreed to meet back at the drop off spot in one hour. Occasionally, I'm late by five minutes and certainly no more than eight or nine. When this happens, my husband gets extremely angry. Although the very first thing I do is apologize for being late. Sometimes the grocery store line is long or there's traffic in town. When he gets angry, he says, why can't you do this simple thing? And rants on and despite my apologies. I never intend to be late. It happens only one out of five times. Besides, I'm doing the shopping, which benefits us both. It hurts me when he does this and I tell him so. Honestly, I feel it's verbal abuse. We are self employed and work together. Our relationship is generally more or less okay. What are your thoughts? Well, there's weird some weird stuff in here. What?

I'm gonna tell you I'm gonna tell you two things that I know right now. It is not one out of five, and it's not max eight minutes late. No. No. Nope. It's it's three out of five, maybe four out of five.

And there are times when it gets into the fifteen, twenty minute range. I don't think I don't think I get real fired up until, like, half hour late. Yeah. Anywhere between zero and thirty minutes, I'm like, there's all kinds of whirlwind stuff could happen. Yeah. To twenty minutes probably is where I start turning. I think that's fair. That says twenty. I'm a little impatient. 20 to hope come out. So Here stranded. I'm gonna get robbed.

I think there's more than I think there's more than this. You see he's running? Yeah. Let me let me take this in. Yeah. He's running and then she's late. Yeah. Why can't he just run more?

Yeah. That's more that'd be That's a better workout. Because then because then he wouldn't be in the spot. Maybe he's supposed to be. Workout recovery. Does he run for a solid hour? That's a long time. Yeah. Is. That's a long run. Here's the thing. There there's there's a weird precision in here. Like, first of all, if you need a buffer, just go look, I'll be back here in an hour five

or an hour ten. Just presume I'm gonna be ten minutes. If I'm early and you happen to run by here earlier, okay. Great. But, like, if you need because hey. Here's the thing. If a guy goes, look, I need to run for an hour. She goes, oh, good. I can fit in the store. Who are you to presume that it takes an hour to go to the store? Maybe it's an hour ten. Maybe your time frame doesn't work out. So like, one, you can push the time. Now if she's gonna blow by the time because she's gonna be late regardless of the time you give her, some of that lands on her. You should probably try to show up on time more often. No. No. I ain't listening to none of this. They they they yeah. They can they can each take different cars. Go do your own thing. Yeah. Aren't you gonna use Uber?

You're gonna run around for an hour. And second of all, like so I've been watching like some back episodes of Seinfeld. Right? When Seinfeld came out, what, in the early nineties or something. And half these situations wouldn't be funny anymore because cell phones exist. Right? So, like like, you watch some of these show premises and you're like, why don't we just call the guy on a cell phone? Right? To solve everything. You know? And so so I I listened to this guy's story about his wife being an hour late or something like that. So she's like, I'm 05:10. Why don't you text him? Hey, man. The traffic's getting banged up. I'm gonna be a little bit behind. Yeah. You know? But

no. We don't do that. We just and and are you are you you don't wanna get back to the park early because sometimes grocery shopping takes an hour, I guess. I don't know. I've never had it take any longer, about twenty minutes. But like, let's say that it it takes sometimes it takes an hour. Sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes it only takes fifteen, but you're like, I don't wanna go back to the park like now. I'll be there for a half hour sitting around. So you drag it out inside the store. If you're doing that, you should probably woah it up, you know, and try to make, you know, whatever, show up on time. But like if you're gonna be late because of rando traffic or long lines at the store, just text him. Hey, man. I'm running behind. There's a long line at the store. And if he's still a jerk after that, I'd be done with him. Well, you don't wanna live your whole life like this, worried about every small thing. If you're gonna show up five, seven minutes late and this guy's gonna blow his Hulk soda top at you, you this is not life. Be done. Get out. I think they're married. No. It doesn't say that. I thought it said they were married and they worked together. Yeah. Hold on.

Crap. Mike Mike is encouraging divorce. Yeah. Just divorce because For trivial reasons. Okay. You should have married him at first. I don't like you. This was a mistake marrying a guy. You should know better than this. But now you're gonna have to deal with it. I I'm almost confident we're we're we're missing something. Like No. She's not saying something. No. He's a jerk face. I don't know. That is what the letter wanted to convey, and that's what we will take away from it. No. He's a hothead who can't stand her slightly slightly behind schedule ways. And I've I've seen guys like that. I mean, it can happen. I mean, that doesn't make it right. I'm just saying, maybe she's right. I don't know. I

know. Okay. Here's what I suggest you do because you're out. You're married. Okay. Now you gotta fix this. K. So you get out of the car after the ten being ten minutes late, and he goes, you can't even do this simple thing and gets all fired up. And you take your finger and point right at his face and say, why don't you shut up And then get the car. This is a good little bike. Yeah. Yeah. And then just reassert reassert what's gonna happen and what we're not gonna tolerate anymore. Why don't you shut up and stop getting mad about stupid things? Or why don't you ride your bike up there? Why don't you run to the park? Why don't you take an Uber? There's no many ways for you to do this without getting mad at me. So let me let me ask you this. Is there a broad marriage premise that says,

this is the type of thing that if you've married someone who just can't show up somewhere on time, you're just gonna have to deal with it? Yeah. It is this is not a solvable problem. They're not gonna change their ways. You just need you're just gonna have to figure it out. How many years into it are you, Ben? I mean You feel like you're making solid progress, or we No. You're pretty much right where we started? Yep. Same. Okay. So

know what I'm saying? But let well, so, this is what again, I'm reading myself into this situation, but, like, this is not five. My my wife is this, but she's not five. She's she's twenty thirty. So after It's way out there. Okay. So after the third time, is it your fault for presuming that she's only gonna be gone an hour? Like, come pick me up in an hour. You know better than that. I'll say, yeah. Right. I'll I'll just keep her running. So prepare that you're gonna be there longer than an hour? Yes. Yes. At some point and like, I think I think of, various folks that I know, think of your after church crowd. The whole family gets in the gets in the gets in the minivan or something, and there's always a lingerer. You say, I'll be right out.

Everybody know everybody in the in the van know you ain't gonna be right out. Yeah. My grandma was that. My grandma never gonna be right out. She talking to everybody and and their dad. Yeah. And so, you know, at some point, you just stop getting angry, and you go, it's gonna be a while. We might as well hang tight. Like, it's kind of an it's an unabanned expectations problem. And so at some point, you've the first three times it happens, I get that your expectations you expect we said an hour, you expected an hour, that was pretty reasonable. When they keep showing up at one zero five, one ten over and over again, if you don't change your expectations, you're being stubborn. You're just being goofy. And so either change it to, like, fifty minutes and hope they hit an hour, or just know it's gonna be an hour ten

and plan accordingly. And if you don't like it, drive separately, or say, no. I'll go to the store later on for you, babe, because I I really need you to come pick me up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know about this verbally abusive thing. No. I think that's probably too far. Yeah. I mean, he talks to you in a way that you don't like. Is that what you mean? Because there is a category where people speak to you. Actually, my wife and I were discussing this rather late, I might add. And trying to figure out, like, what does it look like?

No one wants to feel talked down to. And in a marriage, no one wants to feel like you're being parented, and you certainly don't want it to feel like the person you're married to is disappointed in you. It's hard to be positively motivated when you feel like the person you're married to is disappointed in you. The question is is like, well then how but how do you communicate real problems? Like because it's there is a critique in there somewhere. Like, when you're speaking to your spouse and you want something to improve, there's an implied judgment.

Yeah. Think it's true. I I don't I think it comes out as a sheer number. Right? Like, it's I I don't think it's hard to take in that someone is disappointed at you or wants you to change something. I think when it comes out to be a certain amount and you're like, I mean, are you literally disappointed in me all the time? Because this seems like a lot of lot of complaints.

Yeah. You know, like, and every once in a while, it's like, that makes sense. Right? But I think when it starts to come, it's like wave upon wave, and you're like, I literally cannot do one thing correctly. That's hard to take in. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? I think it I think it's more of an amount problem than a presentation problem. So that that's kind of one of things we came to is that, like, it's the right balance of tone and frequency. If it feels like someone's trying to communicate to you where things are falling short, if it feels like like you're laying it on if you're laying it on thick, people, regardless of whether they should do the right thing,

or there's a right reaction in their marriage, the the question is is, how how good does it feel to do it? Like, like one of the things that we were talking through was, hey, man. What's my motivation to do things that I know that you like if the only other if if you thought that most of the time that the other person didn't appreciate it? Like, boy, I just don't have a lot of motivation to do to do that thing. And, like, the right answer is you have you're supposed to do the right thing anyway, regardless of whether you're feeling particularly motivated or whether your spouse appreciates it. But the picture is you if you're gonna go one mile,

you're gonna you know you have to walk a mile because it's the right thing to do. The it's the difference between walking that mile uphill or walking it on flat road. Either way, you know you have to walk a mile, but you're gonna be a lot more motivated and a lot less irritable and crabby about it if you're walking on the flat road as opposed to having to trek the mountain. And so that's the notion of someone appreciating you as you go even if for for doing the the right types of things. So I say all that to say, like, when you tell me that he's verbally abusive,

I guess, are we have have we made any length in there to say, hey. I keep showing up late. We agreed to this time. I don't meet that time. He's not happy about it. I mean, is there a way for you to receive that that isn't he's abusive? But just like, you made him wait. Nobody likes to wait. I think he's overreacting. But, like, do you have you talked about as a couple what it looks like to be able to talk to each other and say true things that are probably gonna feel offensive,

but in a way that says we're trying to make this better, not me be right. Because I think that's hard. It's it's hard it's hard to do that, especially if your tone and frequency are off. If it's happening a lot, if it feels like someone's never happy with you, or if the tone of it feels like you're being parented.

Actually, I to be fair, you said overall your relationship is pretty okay. Is is this just one example where you beefing with your husband about this five, ten minutes at the store when he goes running at the park? I mean, is really specific. Yeah. This is not like he's consistently blowing his top at the smallest things. They're like, there's just one thing that seems to really get him gassed, and it's when I show up five, ten minutes late when he's running at the park. I mean, quit doing that. You know what saying? Like if he's overall pretty alright and there's just this one thing that gets him all fired up, then yeah, do your best to stop that. If he's a hothead all the time, then I you know, we'll talk about, you know, some different measures here. But like, if you know there's one thing that just winds him up, yeah, if you love him, quit doing that all the time. Right? Make it your best effort to not wind him up. Yeah.

That's true. Like, I I that's where we've you dig in stubborn if you go, well, he's being ridiculous. Well, okay. Let's just let's assume he is. You think he's acting outrageous, but if it's a real if it's a real niche thing, I mean, just meet a minute. Yeah. I mean, maybe just get 80% of your groceries. Yeah. Cut it off and say, look, I wanted to make sure I got here back time. I I left the instant potatoes in there. Yeah. It that's I'll get them later. And you don't have to do it with vengeance in your heart and, like, trying to show them, but, like, keep an eye on the time, get two thirds away to the store and go, we gotta bounce, man. And then get out of there and pick them up on time. And when he's looking for O'Brien's

in the in the refrigerator, it'd be like, I didn't have time to get him. I had come get you from the park. Let him swim in that for a while. Yeah. And then let let he'll decide off to say, well, you could probably stay a little longer. Just send me a text. And you know what? You found a path. But I you know, here's the thing. I guess, again, Ben's advice from Ben's fifteen years of marriage. Like, even figuring out or getting to a point where, like, you're being real honest with each other, they're like, we are not going to agree. There's just some stuff that my spouse is gonna believe where I'm gonna be like,

I I don't know why. I wish you wouldn't believe that. I wish you would behave or think differently. But, like, your path isn't how do we come to believe the same thing. The path is how do we live our lives together as the same, conjoined human recognizing that we're gonna be Siamese twins punching each other in the face sometimes? Like, we just

it's it's it's it's not just agree to disagree either. It's a, I'm gonna meet you in that disagreement. And I think you're nuts on this thing, but I'm in. I will support you in the best way I can because I love you, and we have to live in the same house and drive in the same car and eat the same food. And like, it's it's I I think you maybe you walk into a marriage with the idea that like, I just need a little bit of time and I'm gonna straighten her out. Or I just need a little bit of time and I'm gonna change him to my way of thinking. Now you might be able to get some submission on one way or the other because people are gonna take an easy path, but you're gonna run into something where you're like, I had no idea. This was the stick in the mud. And you're gonna have to figure out that, like, that it ain't moving. It ain't gonna go anywhere. You're just gonna have to figure out how to deal with it. And, like, the sooner you can get to that and be honest about what those things are,

the the easier things are gonna be. And so I mean to overload that abuse thing. I just don't like the word abuse unless it's real like, is he really verbally abusive to you, or do you not like what he's saying or how he's saying it? And have you not had a good conversation on what it looks like to be able to give feedback to each other in a way that doesn't feel so hurtful? Yeah. You tell him to shut up. Don't tell them to shut up. Take it, let's say. My oh, she quotes she's quoting everything. My quote's thought is that your impatient and immature husband should provide his own transportation if he wants to go running in the park rather than berate you for things that are beyond the control of his chauffeur and grocery shopper. It's not true. Yeah. Like, here's okay. Traffic is not that I I tell you this. I don't Dan's been I remember being in a car with Dan, like, I don't know, ten years ago, twelve years ago, whatever. And I was amazed

at this at this navigation system he's got in. He's got he had the Garmin up on the dash or whatever. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And like the accuracy of this box to tell me when you were gonna get somewhere, and like you could speed and cut people off or whatever, it still knew what time you're gonna get there within like thirty seconds. It was great. And, like, of course, Google Maps and Apple Apple, navigation stuff would do the thing right now. And so I tell you this, the the the traffic is not that unpredictable. That's it's happening every once in a while. Yeah. That's true. And, like, if if if you if you if it was important to you, you could leave the store five minutes early, and this could go away. He should also just get over it and be happy with whatever the five minutes is because you're buying groceries for everybody, and he does this is not his own personal throne. Either way, if even one of you chose a path of least resistance to say, I'm going to put myself out

in order to accommodate this other person, we wouldn't have this problem. Relationships will always go way better if it if if both people don't take the stubborn route. But most people do. Most people like, two people in a relationship often do. They choose to stubborn and they both do it. You only needed one guy not to do that, and they're both doing it. Last one. Ready?

Dear life from the path? No. I was homeschooled k through 12. I now have multiple master's degrees and work for a public school. I returned to my hometown and with hard work and dedication, I've moved up the career ladder in my district. While I love my job, I also value and respect the fact that my mom chose to homeschool me. I can't change my childhood, so I embrace all those who are part of a village to raise and educate children. My challenge comes when I am asked about what year I graduated or other questions about my schooling. They assume that since this is my hometown,

I attended school in the same district in which I work. If I reply with, I was homeschooled, I get shocked silence. I feel I must somehow justify my mom's choice to homeschool me, something over which I had no control. This isn't from colleagues, but also isn't just from colleagues, but also from parents and staff. In addition, our district likes to feature alumni who work at the district and who choose to return to their hometown to give back. Well, I meet one of those criteria, but I cringe when they mistakenly announce my name as an alumni in a public forum, not knowing how to handle it. Please advise. Yeah. This is absolutely a nothing burger. Yeah. Yeah. This means nothing to know. First, your backstory is totally irrelevant. Yeah. No one cares how many master's degrees you have. Hey.

What year did you graduate? Pick a year. Say what was thinking. Say what the year was. Graduated homeschool, didn't you? Yeah. Right? Officially, you left and then went to a different school and went to college? Somehow you got enrolled in college. Yeah. This is this is the Subtract a year from that. Yeah. Like there's a public school police following this guy around and going, what exactly day did you graduate from a non high school, you phony? Like like, obviously, you're qualified for the work. You do a good job. Unless you think, like, have you unless you've had the experience of saying, oh, I I was homeschooled, and the teacher goes, well, I the parent goes, well, I never. I'm pulling my child. Little Tommy will not be educated by you. Like, this is not happening. And so whatever chip is kind of on your shoulder about, you gotta let it go. It worked. You did great in life, and you're using it in public service, and God bless that. So, like, I don't this is a nothing. This is a nothing burger to me. I I think it's all a self induced thing. Yeah. Because they're hanging out with people who are in the education bubble,

and they've they've spent half their life out of that bubble, which was to their health probably, I would say. And so they just don't know how to handle it. And, yeah, just be fine. Be comfortable. Yeah. Own it. In your own skin. Actually, this just seems true, actually. Sometimes homeschool kids have a tendency to be socially awkward. This guy is further proof of that. He's like 35,

is professionally fantastic, and is worried that someone might accidentally say he was an alumni at the school he works at He's like and go, oh, the backlash from this is gonna be impalpable. I mean, it's just gonna be the worst. They're all thinking about me. Yeah. You're Nobody's thinking about Calm down, Fred. Nobody's gonna look in the yearbook. Nobody gives a crap about you. That is the that is the gap on a homeschool. At most, your graduating class has got like four people in it. Yeah. And so it feels a lot more personal to you. Everyone else is like, dude, 800 people graduated here. We don't no one even remembers you. There's people in my class like, I had a a Facebook invite for someone the other day, and I'm like, who's this? I don't even and then, I go back and I check them out a little bit, like, I graduated with that guy. Yeah. I don't

who knows? There weren't even that many people in our class, like 400 or something. Okay. Secular says, I think it is time for you to stop being self conscious about the kind of education your mother gave you, which equipped you to attain not one, but multiple graduate degrees. Rather than quotes cringe and hide the fact that you are not an alumna for the district, Discuss this with the administrators so the error can be corrected.

Yeah. I wouldn't do that. Yeah. Just let it go. I wouldn't do that. You tell me everybody that works at this school graduated from there? No. I I just I I don't know exactly what you're worried about. Like, are you worried that people are gonna find out they will only find out you're a phony if you are an actual phony. So if you're not a phony, then don't worry about it. Right? Like, they'll say, what year did you graduate? Just pick a year. That's pretty common. If they accidentally say, you graduated from this high school over the loudspeaker,

just let it pass, man. No one no one paying attention. Literally, when people are making announcements over the loudspeaker, they're just waiting for their time to clap. All they hear is baba baba like the Peanuts lady. And they wait for small amount of silence and they go, yay. Hey. We're crapping now. No one's listening to what you said or what year you graduated or why you're important. They just see that you walked out in front of the football field, heard a bunch of noise, and they yay. That's it. So nobody cares, man. You're way over invested in this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Hey. You've been listening to Live From The Path. Two quick things. One, if you got feedback for us, any thoughts on the show or whatever, give us a call or a text on the Live From The Path. Bob Eisenhower complaint line. That's (515) 517-0085. Just call or text (515) 517-0085.

We would love to hear from you and any thoughts you have on the show. Also, if you haven't visited yet, go to lifefromthepath.org backslash shop, and you can pick up, an increasing number of goods. I added a pack of playing cards out there today, and there's a sweet life from the path lamp, which you will not buy. It is significantly overpriced.

I already cut the margins down to try to give this thing away, but still like $40. It's cool looking though. Wait. Wait. Did the playing cards have our faces on them? No. Like I'll be I'm the Jack? No. It's just got the logo. Oh, that's stupid. It's real cheesy. No. I don't care about that. Okay. And so I know there's a nice tumbler out there, so they put some sweatshirt. Anyway, you go pick that stuff up. Live from thepet.org backslash shop. For the person in your life who's never heard of the show, this is the right thing to give them. Introduce them into the sweetness of the program. I think oh, shoot. Dan's out next week. I'm not sure whether we'll have a show yet or not to finish the year off. We'll see.

In the meantime, be faithful in the means. God will handle the ends. You've been listening to Live From The Path.