Live from the Pathway Studios in Johnston proper. You are live from the path. And you're listening to Live From The Path returning from the Pathway Studios here in Johnston proper. And it is it's balmy in here. I don't know what it's like at your house or how your armpits are feeling, but there's there's a risk here in the room. And if that help paints a picture of what goes on in here, then that's what we're here to do for you. And you're very welcome. Anyway, here's what we got going on the show tonight.

So I got a couple stories. So we're gonna try an art so I realized that many shows I go, hey, we got a couple stories. And then or I'll say, hey, I I couldn't find anything. And so I'm gonna we're gonna peel back the curtain. K? The Wizard of Oz is in underpants and suspenders, and he's he's gonna show himself today. And I'm gonna give you I'll give you some of the titles of these articles, and then I'm gonna tell you why I don't wanna talk about them or at least on the show. Okay? And so it's just just you get to see a little bit. Alright? You get appear into the bottom of the mop bucket and see whose engagement ring is still down there. So we're gonna do that. Also, got some deer life from the path. Nathaniel, do have any previews on this deer life from the path? Yeah. We got one about a a drunk ex ex that the a mother-in-law still talks to.

To the drunk ex? Yeah. Oh, man. Nick Cox, is that a problem you're cut you're running into often? No. Not very often. Okay. Alright. Good. Good. Hey. And anger boiling over. Yeah. You don't know you don't know much about my friend Nick Cox who's in in the studio with us tonight. But you know for a fact that he's not having problems with his mom calling his drunk ex all the time. No. Okay. Good. Good. Alright. Here's here's what we're gonna do. Let's let's hop right into these stories. So I'm gonna give you the two two ones that I said yes to. First one is pastor Michael Todd draws ire for wiping spit on congregants face during sermon. You Do guys hear this? No. Okay. Alright. Check. Okay. Popular pastor Michael Todd of Transformation Church in Bixby, Oklahoma drew the wrath of the Internet and became a trending topic on Twitter as a clip from his message on Vision Sunday showed him why keep wiping globs of spit on a congregant's face even as the coronavirus pandemic rages. This is the reason we don't want to spit on people because of the corona? Listen here. We're you're we're too blind. We're becoming blind. Alright? How about we say, hey. We shouldn't spit on people just as good practice

as man to man, good vibes, fresh feelings. Yeah. Don't hock a don't hock a loogie on a man. I don't I don't need to see the corona show up in every freaking article I read. Okay. Here we go. Before the demonstration, Todd detailed that he was preparing his message for the sermon this week. God used the words of late singer Johnny Nash's song, I Can See Clearly Now, to inspire him. I began to listen to those words, and God said, Michael, the past two years have been like raining over people's lives. And he said they need to prophetically declare that I can see clearly now that the rain is gone. Todd told congregants,

some of you all have had friends that you didn't see who they really were. You're befriending obstacles. This doesn't make any sense, that sentence. You were not able to see clearly because of the damage, the frustration, the hurt, the pain, the trauma, but now God's saying, you can see clearly all the obstacles. He referenced the bible verse Mark eight twenty three, which highlights the story of Jesus healing a blind man at Bethsaida by spitting to his eyes privately. He took the blind man by the hand and let him outside the village. When he had spit on the man's eyes and put his hands on him, Jesus said, do you see anything the scripture states? Todd highlighted how Jesus chose wily not to embarrass the blind man by spitting in his eye publicly. He leads him. Watch how good God is, Todd said. Okay. He's using this this way wrong. He doesn't embarrass this man because he doesn't spit on him in front of everybody. He takes him out. You thought when God separated you, it was a punishment, but it was really protection. The reason he took him out of the village was because the work that he was about to do, others would misinterpret it. So he had to get him outside of what was comfortable. He wasn't going to not spit on him, he continued. He just didn't do it in front of everybody cause he didn't want their reputation or his reputation to be tarnished by what he had to go through to receive the miracle.

How are feeling so far? This seem legitimate? It seems a bit strange. Okay. Nick says it's a saddle line. Nathaniel? It seems a little weird. I thought at first that he was gonna go with this the spit in the mud. Not just spitting spit in the eyes. Yeah. So hold on. And so is he like honking a loogie on him or is he doing like a like a raspberry, like, shower? Well, I think it's gonna show it. Hold on. Now hold on. I'm gonna go through the the the Bethsaida story's only it's got three verses. They came to Bethsaida. This is Mark eight twenty two. And some people brought a blind man and begged Jesus to touch him. He took the blind man by the hand and led him outside the village. When he had spit on the man's eyes and put his hands on him, Jesus asked, do you see anything? He looked up and said, I see people. They look like trees walking around. Once more, Jesus put his hands on the man's eyes. Then his eyes were opened. His sight was restored and he saw everything clearly. Jesus sent him home saying, don't even go into the village. Okay. So that was that's a real odd story to pick out, to be honest with you. It's like a very shifty miracle

that happened. Like, it's partial. It didn't even work the first time. And that guy didn't mention that in his representation of the story. He's like, God took you out to village and spit in your face because that's how it had to be done to receive the miracle. But I mean, it didn't it it feels like it didn't quite work. Alright. So here's the description. Todd asked an unidentified male. I've it's it's his brother. It ends up being his brother. Standing onto the stage next to him with his eyes closed, the pastor acts contrary to the wisdom he said Jesus demonstrated and turned the unidentified congregant into a spectacle. The congregant has reportedly been identified as Todd's younger brother. He asked the man if he was good. Todd then hawked a loogie from his throat and spat it in his hand as an audible cringe erupted from the congregation. Then he hawked a second loogie and told the congregation to watch. He can't see, but he can hear, he said. And this is the moment where many of us are in because God is doing something and we hear him changing. We hear him even in your prayer. And in this time, he's changing something. You don't see it clearly yet, but you hear, added Todd. And this is where most people would not face Jesus anymore. What most people would do is turn away, he said. How can a third loogie? Which he spat in his hand. What I'm telling you, just as he's physically standing here knowing what's coming, God's saying, can you physically, spiritually, and emotionally be able to stand when getting the vision and receiving it might get nasty, Todd said. The pastor rubbed his phlegm together. What, babe? This is for super descriptive. And lathered it across the church goers eyes as the spittle dangled from his face, forcing the parishioner to wipe some of the spittle from his mouth. Many onlookers who watched the demonstration from outside the church expressed disgust over Todd's actions which triggered a mountain of online memes. Okay. As it should. So As it should. Okay. Listen. So the most gracious rendering of this particular action was he was making a point

that God may bring you through something that is uncomfortable, and you're not willing to stand for it. Now he's he's intertwined it with this taking people out of the village thing, and it would have been embarrassing to do like, I don't who makes a sermon who makes a sermon demonstration to say, here's what Jesus if his point was Jesus didn't do this because it would be awkward and embarrassing, so he took the guy out the village. And he said, here's what it looks like to do the opposite what Jesus said.

Like, that's a real wide open door of things you shouldn't be doing on a stage to say, well, Jesus' recommendation was this. Here's what it looks like to do the opposite. Like, I'm not sure I'm not sure I'm with this. This doesn't seem super fruitful. Have you ever had a sermon illustration really flop like that? Like you're like, this is gonna this is gonna kill. And then you're next thing you know, you're spitting in people's eyes. Okay. Never never anything that far. I've had all kinds of sermon illustrations that just did not go over. I'm bad at them. Like, I'm really bad. That's why I stick to mostly just saying what the, like, teaching the the the Bible itself. Because like I when I have left to my own devices to come up with a story or an example, I'm just not very good at it. And so, yeah, I've had a number of them flop. Yeah. I think this that dude's,

ailment right here. He's not good at sermon illustration. He's not good. It tied together in his mind. He's just like, this is gonna rock. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But okay. You know what? What the man needs is a a secretary or something. Something. Someone someone take a look at it and go, you know, I see where he says hock loogie in the script, and, you should you should let that go. There's somebody better than his brother to proofread it because he just stood there and took the loogies. That's right. His brother would I mean, I can't imagine. I say, hey, Mike. Here's what we're Nobody gonna else would've done that. That's right. Well, and and isn't that yeah. Okay. So lesson one from the story. Be a brother and be a true brother to a man and go, he goes, hey, for the for the glory of the Lord, I'm gonna spit in my hand and wipe it on your face. And you would go, the Lord is not glorified in this example, sir. First of all, you're pulling this story out of context. I think you really focused on this take him out of the village piece, which is interesting. But like, you've you've overstretched it with the script it can with withstand here. Secondly, this is the proven the anti Jesus option is bad. It's bad. There's no reason to do that. Yeah. You should you should yeah. Be a brother to a man and say no. We're not he can't find a guy.

Let's see here. That Mike Todd video has so many layers of terribleness wrapped up in it. I don't even know where to start. The audacity, the cult energy, the spiritual and theological abusiveness, the hawking and rubbing and spitting and deflecting, I couldn't believe my eyes. Ain't no way. This was by Christian writer and theology student, Dante Stewart. I legit want to have the energy to talk about this, but y'all, I I legit can't. This is more than terrible theology or performance or arrogant views of oneself and power. I don't know a word for this, but it ain't nice or holy or pastoral or good. But let's see here. Todd's popularity has grown rapidly over the last few years. Transformation Church's YouTube page has more than 1,600,000

followers. Here's what I'm gonna tell you. Live from the Path has over a million views on YouTube. This is not a good benchmark. The congregation also gives million to the community. In 2020, pastor Todd led his congregation three and a half million one day blessing spree in which they help scores of humans human service organizations, churches, individuals, including one needy family that received a new car and 250,000 to purchase a home. Okay. That's pretty awesome. Last summer, Todd called on churches. Okay. I don't care. During his sermon on Sunday, he told the congregation that he thrives on vision. I'm so excited about this because vision is my thing. If God said you only get to do one thing for the rest of your life, my one thing would be getting vision from him and then making other people believe it. I'm anointed to do that. I feel more in my spot on Vision Sundays than ever,

because I've stood at this exact spot when nobody was in this church and prophesied where we are today into existence because God gave me a vision. And you're not this you're not using that right. He gave me a vision that I was bold enough to declare to other people in the face of it not looking like it could ever happen. What vision did he have? I don't that's it wasn't clear really on this particular oh, wait. Here we go. Todd said his vision is what drives him to invest in real estate and vowed to take that vision beyond Tolsta. Oh, okay. Okay. That is my y'all don't know that I'm planning for our church to subdue, rule, and dominate. This is bad. This is bad theology. This is not okay. It's the word. Remember when we talked about, this is a few shows back and it had to do with how you can pick out heresy. Like, without knowing, having to be in the finer points of any given thing,

is there a way to where your radar should go off and go, hey, man. This this might be heretical. And the the the focus was, does what this person's talking about elevate humans, or does it elevate God? Does it elevate Jesus? If it's elevating Jesus, it's it's on the less likely to be heretical scale. If it is elevating humans, then your sniff test should be out. Okay? And so when he says,

yesterday, I drove one of my pastor friends that came in town this weekend just spend the weekend with me. I drove him to all the locations in Tulsa that we have, and he and showed him all the buildings. You all don't know that I'm planning for our church to subdue, rule, and dominate. Is that elevating humans, or is that elevating God? Sounds like humans to me. That sounds like humans to me. This Y'all don't know. This sniffs of heresy. These are things to be cautious of. Elevation of humans, bad. Elevation of Yahweh, correct. Whose church is it? Is he oh, I mean, he is. Well, God's church. Yes. That's what I'm saying. Like, this is our church Yeah. My church, but it's it's God's church. And by what measure? High God owns property? He owns cattle on a thousand hills. He created the dirt. He doesn't care about your building or how many you own in a given city. How many like, Jesus defines treasures in a very specific way. People who come to know him and live in the kingdom. And so,

yeah, this is where I would be super cautious. I don't care how charismatic the guy is. I'd be super cautious here. The spit thing was ridiculous. I'm able I'm actually way more worried about this than I am that he hocked a loogie in his brother's face. That's, just as evidence of a group of an underlying heart problem. Okay. Okay. Holy cow. This is this is forever. I don't know. We're gonna finish this thing here. He said the reason why, vision is something people don't talk about is that Western culture has conditioned people into building somebody else's vision. I mean, that's what you're asking for, you walking dunce. He's saying you you're saying you have a vision and that your congregation should follow it. And so you can't blame the rest of the culture for saying, hey. We wanna build somebody else's vision. He says we've been never taught, it's a weird way to put it, to believe in what God placed in us. And today, I want to empower you to be able to stand in the vision that God has given you and to declare in the midst of darkness where you see the light of God coming into that situation.

At Transformation Church, vision is most valued. Vision is more important than people. Yeah. That's the Bible said that. Sure. Because if you don't have a vision for the people, you're going to damage the people. Like, may I suggest to you that many people are hurt by church, not because of bad leaders, but because of lack of vision? No. People are hurt by church because you're not people aren't honoring and following Jesus. Like, otherwise, you wouldn't have a problem. As a matter of fact, if you're honoring and following Jesus, I don't believe that you can be hurt by the church. The church most often is hurting people when they're not actually honoring and following Jesus. That's when it happens, when their humanness comes out. And, frankly, vision, meaning something that you feel that was given to you specifically that differs from general revelation that God has given to the world and the general example that Jesus has provided smells a lot like human risk, not gospel and kingdom furtherance. If he finishes, your marriage may not be bad because you're with the wrong person. It may be challenged because of a lack of vision. The job that you're on right now ain't the wrong job. Actually, you're ordained to be there, he continued. You're actually supposed to solve a problem there. But the reason you have two weeks notice on deck at all times is because of a lack of vision.

Nick Cox, you feel that you feel that's you feel like you were ordained you were you you did work at the pudding factory. I did work at the pudding factory. You feel that does that feel ordained to you? No. Oh. It's because you didn't have a vision. You didn't have vision. Well, I can see out of my eyes. No one's spitting you. Boy. Boy. There's a lot there's a lot going on here that I can't I can't process very well. Oh, man. His brother his brother got spit all over his face. That's rough times. Y'all don't even know. That's that's rough times. Okay. Here we go.

Most pastors say leader development to people's apathy are issues they need to address. Developing leadership, connecting with the unchurched, and tackling apathy are among the top issues that pastors believe need to be addressed according to newly released data from LifeWay Research. The procedure research and polling division of the Southern Baptist Convention released a new report based on a survey of a thousand protestant pastors. Developing leaders and volunteers was the most listed concern with 77% of respondents choosing it as an important need to address. Fostering connections with unchurched people was the second most, 76%. Now, I'm sorry. Followed by people's apathy or lack of commitment at 75% and consistency in personal prayer at 72%.

Does that sound right? Does that sound right? So so so the balance was in this order, developing leaders and volunteers, then fostering connections with unchurched people, then addressing people's apathy or lack of commitment, and then consistency in personal prayer. This is like level of importance?

Yeah. Now they're pretty close. Like, it they're they're asking, is it important? 77% of people in developing leaders and volunteers said that was important. 76% said fostering connections with the unchurched people. Are the other 24% just think they're nailing it? I

mean, seems to me like the prayer should be at the top. Yeah. Because if you're not praying over all the other things, then you're just gonna be doing them with your own effort. Yeah. And you're not relying on God in any of it, really. And at a 100. Like, does anybody ever feel like their personal prayer life is just, like, cannot be beat? Rocking it. I've never met anybody that's that's had that's had that feeling, that they felt like, hey. You know what? I'm all tapped out. And maybe I mean, maybe there's some people that are doing it. I wouldn't be surprised, I guess. But, like, I'd expect this number to be 99%. 99%

of pastors say personal prayer. I need all it's most important. Because you because to Nick's point, everything follows from there. Now that's I now is that true when we say that that translates to to non pastors? Is that true for every Christian? It seemed like it. Yeah. Yeah. Right. It would. Right. There's nothing special about the pastor that that would be the case. And so so how so how are we doing? Like, barometer,

what do you think, Nathaniel? Barometer on on personal prayer. You feeling strong? Depends on the day. So I guess no. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe not. And like, well, what's what what do you what do you struggle with? Like, making the time, feeling like you know what to pray about, feeling like you're praying something that's worth praying? What's what are the what are the barriers? I feel like a lot of times I I feel like I I pray over the same exact things Yep. Until the next

week rolls around, and then I ask people that I know, hey, what you want me praying for? Mhmm. And then it's new things. But I feel like weekly, I'm praying on the same things all the time. And it like it it doesn't is it that it just doesn't feel inspired? Yeah. I'd say yeah. Feels like you're passing notes under the under the door. Yeah. It's like, hey, this guy told me to pray about this, so I guess I will. Yeah. So I'm a do it.

Now but also there's some things where like like on on some things where someone's like, hey, can you pray for this guy that I got in contact with? And he's trying to get in contact with his kids. He's, you know, this and that.

And he's going through a lot and trying to show him Christ's love and he he's got warrants out for his arrest and all this. And it's like, yeah. I mean, I definitely pray for that. And then on the other hand, it's like, well, my grandma's got a hurt foot. Will you pray for that this week? Yep. Yep. Yep. One of them, I definitely feel like I I I feel more inclined to pray for on a daily basis than the other. Right. Right. Okay. Is that wrong? Should I be praying for grandma's foot every day? Yeah. Yeah. I don't know if you have to pray for it every day.

Like it's like like prayer is an exercise of of of a relationship. I don't mention everything that ever occurred to me in a given day to my wife every day. Right? That would be weird. Like I just say the same things to her every day. Hey, how's it going, babe? Oh, I'm thinking about my grandma's foot, and I'm thinking about that guy who's got the warrant out for his arrest, and I'm thinking about the kids and their future husbands. Like, I just I I I this came up in a conversation we were doing at church, were talking about this week about, like, a daily prayer.

And and maybe don't beat yourself up on it. You should I think it's good. But, like, I think our notion of praying daily, we may have again, I I think I think habits are good. I think being too,

I would say, maybe, pharisaical around what you're talking about. Like, if I don't pray with this every day, what's gonna happen? Like, God didn't forget. He knew anyway. It's this is a relationship question. Does it mean you don't love your grandma if her foot didn't show up? No. Like, pray pray for the things that are burdening your heart, the things that are running on your mind. And then pray, Lord, that, like and first pray, God put the right things on my heart and mind to talk with you about. Because, like, that I think that's the right expression. And so, yeah, I I wouldn't feel bad about not that grandma's foot didn't make the the daily list.

Because, man, again, you're not telling God anything he didn't know, and you're not failing grandma because it's not magic. And so, I think maybe we just gotta let us let let that go. Let go of the burden of that thing that feels heavier. I mean, pray if you said you're gonna pray for it, I'd pray on it. I think as you think about the people around you and how to pray for them, and you think about you should pray for grandma every so often, and her toe should be part of that because she mentioned it. But, yeah, I I'd relieve yourself of any burden that feels like, hey, did I mention grandma's toe every day? Yeah.

So, Nick Nick Cox, what about you? Oh, it's not not going too great. Like same things? Consistency, depth? Any any of it. Consistency, depth. Most of the time, I don't even really, right now, have words to say when I'm trying to pray. Yep. Mostly,

I just been trying to lately just be quiet and Yep. Relaxed and hoping to be able to hear something as far as, like, maybe have a scripture or something like that pop into my head that I can think on and meditate on. Yeah.

But I'm I think the words right now is really hard. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I think that's right. And so, like, so there's so there's a theme in there. There's a theme in consistency, and, like, I'll I'll mine are the same. I I I do feel like I talk about the same things all the time. And as a matter of fact, I I've had a hard time praying at night because when I pray at night, I tend to to just, like, slowly roll my tongue into a common set of things that I might say every night. And then I'm not really paying attention. Just like, again, I wouldn't wanna talk at my wife or say things without thinking about what I'm saying. Like, I I think I'm not getting to the spirit of prayer. Now it's it's okay to pray the same thing over and over again. Jesus did that. The shamal was that. The example of the Lord's prayer is that. I think it's okay to use it,

as a as a habitual prayer. I think that's totally fine. And so it's like it's not that God is like, oh, why don't they come up with something new? He gave you the playbook. And, so it's okay. But the question, are you engaged in it? Are you thinking about it? Or am I if I pray if I'm praying the Lord's prayer, am I am I doing it with intent? And am I doing it actively, or am I doing it passively just to let the words

flow over my tongue? And so, I mean, you know, I think I have to be careful with that. And so I have a consistency thing. I kinda long for kind of these prayer room type experiences where, you know, you got an hour in there and like you're just and you finally break through a bunch of other stuff and you're able to feel like what it gets to kinda get in these guttural type of prayers. And I don't reach that in my daily prayer life. And, like, I think how I feel about it is worse than what it actually is. I think, Nathaniel, to kind of sum what you were saying is that I did it did it did it do anything? Did I honor God with what I what I offered in my prayer, or did I just kinda felt like I checked the box on it? And then I and then I think a little bit to what you were getting at, Nick, is like,

I don't I'm terrible listening. Just stopping and kinda listening or or or carving off time for anything. And just saying, look, I it's okay to be still here and to give something a little like, think of how I just think I was I thought about this the other day is that if I had to catalog how I spent every minute of my day and put it into buckets, how much of that do I do I spend in prayer compared to making toast? Compared to, you know, I don't know, picking up my picking up my phone, scrolling through something dumb. And and the truth is is that, like, I have more time than what I make it than the what I allow myself to believe to pray well. And, like, again, I I'm not God's not going, hey, give me forty five minutes or I'm disappointed in you. That's not what we're talking about. It's just like, I know that in the balance of my life that that prayer

is is not taking up of a position of priority. I'm not treating it with for the value that it brings, for the honor that it demonstrates, for the the reality that it reveals. It's like having a it's like having a chocolate cake, like, sitting on your on your counter ready to eat and, like,

refusing to open the lid. And so and, like, scripture readings like that too. And so, like, as we think about it's it's hard at the start of years because we kinda wanna and Paul, I think, contributes to this. Right? You kinda wanna beat your body into submission and go, look, I'm just I'm gonna pick up the scriptures. I'm gonna read them. And I think some of that is okay, but it but it's as an inertia. But, like, it it can't carry you. Just like you can't say I'm,

you can't purely run like a fifty year marriage just out of straight up willpower. You have to cultivate and develop relationship in there. And I think that's true in your relationship with God too. And so, yeah, I think I think, back to the to the news article, it's a slam dunk 99%, if not a 100. Like, I just don't know any guy who feels like they've just got this nailed. And pastors especially like, get feels like competing priorities. Those people and emails and the same thing that everybody else deals with work.

And to give it that time, even personal time to read and study and pray, I just can't imagine this isn't a 100%. It boggles my mind that it's not. It said other listed needs include friendships and fellowship with others, trusting God, 66%, personal discipleship making, 63%,

and time management, 51%. Here's the and this is gonna sound, that I I only have one bucket. Okay. So, like, I recognize where this you take this in as a grain of salt as the guy who pastors a house church. But, like, from my perspective, no one has ever absolved from personal disciple making ever. And so if you've got developing leaders and volunteers as higher on your worry list than personal disciple making, again, I think you've gotta flip. If you make disciples, leaders will come. Leaders will they will either be the people you've decide because as a leader, you tend to attract people like you or that have your type of skills or people who want, to be more like you or how you go about things. And so those are the people that you will mentor and disciple. And then once you got it, you've got leaders.

And so you're not a factory. You and then as you make disciples and then they make disciples, the leaders will come. And so I wouldn't think of those differently. I would make disciples. Forget about the leadership development. And then as you make disciples, the their their earthly skills will become very relevant, or present, and, God will tell them that it's their job to serve. So I I would I would alleviate your burden of staffing the place up or finding the right guy to run x y z ministry. I'd I'd make disciples and then have God send people. He will. He'll tap them.

Who who I'm I might have missed this. Who is this surveying? Thousand protestant pastors. Okay. And only half of them said disciple personal discipleship? As one of their greatest needs. They were asked to list their greatest needs. Yeah. I I should have looked at the survey

to see how it was bound. But like, again, I just you know, time management, I get that. And people's apathy or lack of commitment, I get that. But, like, that's that feels like disciple making to me. Because, like, again, you just don't want to, we want gospel transformation, not behavior modification.

And so, like, the types of things I'm I'm always wary of things that, like, snap people out of apathy that isn't just like it's just disciple making. Like, the the holy spirit is the holy spirit. The holy spirit is the conscience. I just can't be somebody else's conscience. And so I feel like I can say true things, and I can help try to point people to Jesus and make disciples. But, like, I've tried to be the heavy in different in different relationships, and, like, I'm not I'm either not good at it or it's not effective. There's no what do you I'm not scary. I think I think I told this story before.

And maybe you guys have any examples of, hey. You try you're trying to help, and so maybe even accountability stuff, and you're like and you came in a situation where, like, it just didn't matter. You tried to hold someone, they didn't really do it. What are you gonna do? Because, like, I was in a I was in a relationship well, it sounds funny when I say it that way. Was in a relationship with a man. So I was I was in a, like, an accountability group with a guy, and he was bigger than me, like, by quite a bit. He probably had forty pounds on me and could, you know, break my nose with a pinky. And, I think his last accountability guy was, you know, six hundred pounds, eight hundred pounds, something like that. And so, like, he could intimidate the guy. And and so there were times where I think he did. You know, hey, knock it off or I will handle you. And so I was in this. I was trying to to help this guy out and, like,

I I I mean, I can't offer that. He could take me. I can only say true things. But, like, but that's the thing. It's like, it's a miss it's an imbalance in a relationship. What do I I don't want the guy afraid of me. To what value is that? To be like, oh, Ben's gonna be mad? So so freaking what? You know, like, I can only point you to Jesus, and, like, it's not even that Jesus will be mad. It's that, like, he's calling you to something better. And so, I've been in other situations where, like, I've said, hey. Okay. This is this is, this is what we're gonna do. And someone said, yes. I'll do that. And they're like, hey. Did you do that? No. I didn't.

Okay. You should do that. Like, it's kinda like trying to trying to parent your 20 year old kid. What are gonna do? Like, you're gonna spank him? Like, some point actually, I'm pretty open with my kids about that. I was talking to my my oldest kid. I can't remember what it was about, but I said, look, I you know, Oh, I know what it's about. We're just talking about honesty. And I'm like, look, I I I need to to tell you that, like, this is super important that you gotta tell the truth. Like, you'll break relationships that you cannot restore by being dishonest.

And, like, there's nothing I can do. I know you're lying to me. This wasn't her specifically. This was kind of in a a group. This is a children full children child discussion. But it was like, look, we generally know when you're lying, and I can't really do what am I gonna do about it? Am I gonna threaten you to, like, to spank you or punish you or what? Like, you know, I need you to be honest because you should be. Because there's no amount of you know, frankly, if I've threatened to punish you, all it's gonna do is incentivize you to lie more to try to get out of a punishment. And so, like, I'm not sure I I'm just running out. The older your kids get, the the the less your your physical restraints on them matter. Whether you're a spanker or not a spanker, time out is still a physical restraint. It's a you go over here and you stand here until I tell it's asserting your authority. At some point, they're gonna go, you know what? No.

I'm not gonna stand in that corner. And what are gonna do? What are you gonna do? Amp up the level until you can really just freak them out? Well, I'll kick you out of the house. They're 12. What are you gonna do? Like, that's the time where they start sassing you back and going, no. I'm not gonna do that. And you got you can't reasonably kick them out. And so, like, what are you gonna do? You're gonna lose a battle of of of might with a small kid. Listen, kids figured this out. Like, I don't know if you ever been attacked or harassed by, a 13 year old, but, like, they've got your number. I told this story in the show one time. I was going down the street, and there's, like, this dude. He's gonna be 10 or 11 or 12 or something driving down the street in his bike, and he just he going four miles an hour in front of me and refused to get out of the road. And he's just turned around, like, cussing at me and going, what are you gonna do? What you gonna do? You gonna hit me? He know what am I gonna do? Run him over to car? I can't go around him, and he knows it. I can't physically accost him. I can't threaten him. I he has gotten me by, the man parts.

Going four miles an hour down my street, because I cannot do anything about it, and he knows it. It's the worst thing that happened to kids. They're smart. And so, anyway, like, the whole point is is that, like, you know, if you're gonna rile someone up out of their apathy, you know, I think you just make disciple. I think you make disciples and you point people to Jesus and you pray for them. And, like, it's not that that accountability is not a good thing. It's okay to check up on a guy. You just can't be the heavy. You can't be the fulcrum of which stuff gets done or not done.

Like, people have got to live their own lives. You can make decisions for them for a number of, for a bit of a time, And then once you tap out, they're just gonna go back to making their own bad decisions again. And so you can't live their life for them. And sometimes that sucks. It sucks to watch people do that. And so I don't know. Nathaniel, you bet you you've been in a situation like that? You you were you were supposed to be the heavy and it was not effective. Yeah. It yeah. I'm I'm not very good at being the the heavy with other people. Yeah. I don't come I I don't come down hard and I can try I've I've tried annoying somebody into

accountability before and that didn't work either. Yeah. Because I got sick of it. I was like, okay, can't keep this up. Yeah. And you can't I mean, you can't. You can't slam down on somebody who doesn't fear God. Yeah. That's right. You can't. Because if they don't fear God, then what what are you gonna do? You can come around, flex your muscles like you you

you're you're some sort of hotshot hotshot? Yeah. That's bogus. I mean and like again, don't don't hear me saying, it's it's totally okay to remind a brother. Say, hey, man. Let me remind you the stuff that you believe. You fear God. You love your wife. You wanna act with honor and integrity. What I'm seeing is not that. Don't act don't be a fool. You're looking like a fool right now. I don't have any problem with that at all. I'm for that. It's just that, like, hey, man. You go do you need to read your bible four times this week, or you're gonna have to reckon with me. Shut up. Shut up. Who are you reckon with me? What are you gonna do? You're gonna trip him in the parking lot? Put dog crap in his ashtray? I mean, what are you gonna do? I think that is a good question though to ask somebody. Like, if you're if you're in a accountability relationship with them.

And that's happened to me before where I was I was arguing with somebody about a I can't remember what. It was probably some dumb thing, finer point of the scriptures or whatever. Yeah. And he was yelling at me. He said, do you even fear God? Or something like that. It kind of hurt my feelings at the time. But then later on when I sat and thought about it, was like, maybe I'm not taking enough time to like actually consider what God is saying and

implementing in my life. Yeah. And it kind of gave me pause for the moment. And I think it is important for people who profess Christ to like take that into account. Yeah. And I think that's good as an accountability person to say, you know,

are you doing what you wanna do? That's right. Yeah. You're right. That's that's what it is. I think I think it because ultimately, you're bringing word. That's that's what you're bringing. Like, you're asking the questions that the that the Bible is asking you, that the that the scripture is is trying to point out to you that the spirit is stirring in your life. And so as a can you be can you be the guy who says that out loud as a reminder? Yes. Totally. What I'm saying is is, like, you shouldn't Don't add to it. Your your weight or your heft is not is not the thing that that changes. Like, we wanna ultimately, we're trying to point ourselves to submit to and delight in Jesus, not submit to and delight in Ben's view of the world. And so as much as I might think, hey, man. This is the course you should take your life. You know, I I can get I can tell you, hey, well, here's here's a thought. But yeah, I think it's I think that's when it becomes beyond you you cannot live someone's life for them. And I think at some point, you stop being an accountability guy and you became a bully. And even if you're successful,

they didn't meet Jesus. They just met you. And I'll be honest, I don't find you near as impressive. Sorry, Cox. I'm just saying, like, I'd rather I'd rather people beat Jesus than me. And hear Jesus' view of the world over mine. And so, you know, I think it's difficult. I think it's difficult because people sometimes want an earthly threat. Then some people are motivated motivated by it. Hey, I'm gonna come to your house, and I'm gonna tell your wife that you're buying $85 in lottery tickets. You straighten her out.

Okay. Let's see here. During the survey, pastors were asked to select just one important need to address. Oh, wait. They only got to pick one? How is it how is it that the I don't This doesn't make any sense. 76% can say one thing, 75% oh, I guess maybe. Okay. People's apathy or lack of commitment ranked the highest at ten percent if it was just a one. Followed by personal disciple making at nine. Okay. That's more like it. Fostering connections with unchurched people at 8% and developing leaders and volunteers at seven.

Why is the relationship with unchurched people not way higher on there? It's the thing that I'm wondering. I mean, I guess I consider that disciple making, like a a part of the span of disciple making. Wouldn't you? I mean, I think it mixes in there, yeah, with that probably. Yeah. And I mean, who knows how people interpret it? But, if you were to say, hey, man. Like, when Jesus says go and make disciples, I assume he includes unchurched people. Like, he's not just going go find the Jews.

So maybe they're asking the wrong questions. Yeah. Maybe his word in a way that's confusing. Yeah. Because I certainly wouldn't pick I wouldn't pick that. Although that that that's talking about fostering connections with unchurched people. And like, I'm hit and miss on the value of like, hey, well, I'm well known in the community. Like, I I there's some guys who do it really well, and I think it's proved, like, provided benefits. But but they allow you to make decide. But here's the thing, should be doing that anyway. Like, you should be well, you should have good relationships everywhere. Like, what do I care? Why why do I need to make a distinction of unchurched people? Foster connections.

Go one step deeper with the people you're capable of doing with. It seems like the the apathy problem, the unchurched people, the disciples or discipleship Yeah. The leadership thing, it seems like that all should, like, be one category that falls together Yeah. Basically. Yeah. I agree. Or I think it solves all the same way. Right. Care about the people around you in relationships, lead with Jesus, treat treat like, think of people the way that he thinks of them, and be prepared to give your time to it. I feel like that covers almost all these things. Right? Right. No need to break them up into separate things. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like and maybe and and I'm the question is, is there value separating them into different things? Oh, well, you know, hey, I I I only focused on church people for for this year. Well, I mean, how is that possible?

You didn't run into any unchurched guys this year? No way. Right? The preexisting challenges okay. I don't care about this. The project has shed light on critical needs they have and will point the way forward in how we partner with them to fuel their ministries. When it comes to getting help for their needs, the poll shows that 75% of pastors expressed interest in getting advice and guidance from other pastors who face similar problems. You know, I was given advice to someone this week, and it wasn't it didn't have to do it wasn't pastoral.

But it was it was, oh, financial, really. And it was about kind of goals for this year and like, boy, you just never know what you don't know. And like one of the hard one of the worst things you can do or most limiting things you can do is sit and you think personally about something, about what your goals and vision is for I'm gonna steal the guy's word. What your goals are for the coming year. Because they tend to be limited by what you know. And, I'm just such a small man. I'm a small man who knows a very limited subset of things, who's who spends my time thinking about a very small subset of things. And so, like, I mean, for heaven's sakes, man, ask around.

Listen to a podcast. Read some books. Ask some folks. Like, before you say, here's where I here's where I wanna be or here's the way I'm gonna do it, like, I just just take some other counsel in. And, and I think you'll find out that, like, there's peep there's there's smart people who love Jesus and who probably can even come to terms with caring about you, who who can have you thinking about things in a way that just never never occurred to you. And and that that will make your life that get you to the same places or places you didn't even know were possible, because you're just like so as a matter of fact, like, was been part of my job at work is I look at I look at, like roles and responsibilities across our organization to think like, are these do these match?

Are we paying people what we should not exactly what we pay them, but, like, generally speaking, do we have people in the right buckets of type of work? Do we have people who are doing the same types of work that are called different things, different levels? Like, it was like, is it is it matched up? And the reality is is, like, there's some people that are doing work in our company that, like, I had no idea, one, that that job existed, and two, that it paid. Like, I just I'm flabbergasted. People are making this type of money doing this type of work. I had no idea. And it's in a line of work that I've been doing for almost twenty years now. And so, like, you just never know what you don't know. And so, definitely ask around. So when it says pastors are open, like, heck yeah, man. I'd be open in apps any even things that you think you're an expert on. Hey. I just know this down pat. I'm like, wow. I bet I bet there's something you can learn from somebody. Ask around. Read a bit. Listen to some stuff. Definitely be open to that kind of thing.

Only 57% of pastors said they would want guidance from experts on addressing those issues. Be humble, fellas. Be here's the thing. Running a church has a uniqueness in its theology. Past that, you're running some sort of community or and,

there's not a lot of uniquenesses to that. There's people all over the world that are doing that kind of thing. Now I don't want you to use that business model. I'm obviously against that. But I will tell you that, like, the things that you think are new under the sun are not new under the sun. And so whatever. Take take an expert. Just think they're I I wonder if part of them is saying, I don't wanna talk to an expert because I think the experts can try to sell them something. What do think? Hey. I'm an expert in this. It feels like the, hey. You wanna buy my book? It's probably coming next or buy my software or something. Their pamphlet. Yeah. Yeah. That's probably what it Their program. 12 steps to a year in church.

I think we alright. We're kinda done with this one. Okay. Alright. So real quick, I'm gonna go go through a few of these headlines here, and, I'm gonna give you hot takes on why I don't care about this. And then Nathaniel and, Nick Cox, you tell me, hey. We should talk about that. That's super interesting. Okay? If you find something. Alright. Top one, Ralph Warnock to senate colleagues. You can't remember MLK and dismember his legacy. Here's the thing. It's a they're talking to a senator. This is full of, the

I I I don't really care to lead political stories and analyze them. There's always some level of blowhardiness in there, and so, I skip them. Yeah. Can it? Yeah. Christian MP says prosecution for beliefs on homosexuality is a privilege.

I'm over this I'm over this particular topic too. First of all, it's not prosecution. You're not actually being prosecuted. You're you're trying to hint that it's persecution. And none of this is a particular surprise that something that Jesus taught you and something that you believe is coming up a rub against the world that wants to behave differently. And secondly, I'm always wary of people who think they're being persecuted for the faith because it always I do have an underlying assumption that if you're being that persecuted to warrant press coverage,

maybe you deserve it. Because you're being kind of a jerk regardless of whether what you believe is true or not. So I skip it. Let's see here. Five controversies surrounding the life and legacy of Martin Luther King Junior. Nope. Nope. You can read that on your own time. I don't care about that. Pastor Taverner Smith announces time off to spend with God in quotes after staffers quit over affair rumors. Nope. We've done a million of these stories. He did have the affair. He's lying. And

yeah. Yeah. I don't I don't care to read anymore about that. You should just fire this and the or he should walk away from the from the ministry. Repent and go find a church, probably not this one, of which he can just lay low for probably quite a long time and and possibly never enter ministry again. I'd be quite alright with that. Bob Saget, Norm Macdonald, Betty White, and the afterlife. Nope. Nope. You're bandwagoning. I don't no. I don't care about this. This is why I I'm against most sermon illustrations that are trying to take something from the here's something you care about, let me relate it to something about Jesus. You should just care about Jesus and let's go there. And so, no. I think that's wrong. I don't wanna read about it. Nathaniel, you disagreeing? I mean, let's talk about Norm. Okay. I'm just joking.

I was I was pulling your leg off there, Ben. Okay. I didn't I didn't feel it. It felt it felt harsh harsh critique at me. Let's see here. Supreme Court to hear case of Christian football coach fired for praying on field after games. Yeah. I mean, I'm I'm roughly interested in that Supreme Court case, but I don't care to read that particular story. What a weird thing. Like, doesn't the Supreme Court like pick and choose over hundreds of cases Yeah. Each year? And there's one like big ones that they throw out. They're like, well, we don't wanna decide on this. And they're talking about this? Yeah, they are. They are. I mean, it's a it's a religious freedom question. I guess. I guess we'll see how it goes. Alright. Let's see here. One more.

Country star Craig Morgan joins fight against human trafficking. Jesus went to those ugly play okay. I'm a tell you this. I'm a tell you this. First of all, I don't care about celebrities doing stuff. You as long as you don't make the media, then I'm happy. Now there's nothing saying that Craig Morgan said cover me doing this. The media may just found the man, so I'm not bringing blaming old Craig who I've never heard of. I'm a tell you this thing. I think we gotta be careful with how we read scripture, specifically our our representations of Jesus and what he did. Like, I've heard

I saw someone on Facebook do this recently, and I think I've heard this a bunch of times, like, you know, Jesus is always out helping folk. I'm like, well, yeah. But he was real specific about it. Right? Like, you don't see Jesus running a food pantry, and you say, Ben, he fed the 5,000. I said, he he prayed over some fish and loaves and he fed them once, one time.

Those guys, first of all, weren't all poor. They traveled to go see him speak and obviously, like, could afford to be away from whatever they were doing. Probably brought some of their own food to begin with. He was talking for a long time. And so these weren't like super poor people. So when you're like, oh, he fed people. Well, I mean, that's he did go to the homeless camps. That's not that's not what this was. Okay? So be real careful. Now he says to do these types of things, certainly. That's part of his teaching. But, like, to use Jesus as the example, I'd be real careful about how you extrapolate and, like, basically reduce the context of the stories to go, well, I wanted to be

a poor immigrant. And so they were likely all poor immigrants. Like, just be be careful that you're not pulling it out of context till otherwise prove a point. Let he's he spoke to it enough. Okay? So I think his his teachings are probably solid on this. You don't have to stretch his life too, just to fit whatever thing that you now if God put a has put a burden upon your heart that this is the thing for you, great. But don't blame Jesus for it. Say the spirit is guiding me, and it fits within the principles of how I'm supposed to treat people. Because what happens is is then you start grabbing this, this is how Jesus was. You tend to, like, shift it just a bit. And now it's almost like, well, I'm doing it now. Why aren't you? The thing that God put a burden on your heart your heart for, now you're kind of like you're you're virtue beaconing everybody else out there to go, now you should be doing the same as me. It's an elevation of you in some form or another. So just be careful with it. That's it. Okay. Anyway, that's part of the reason. So just a smattering of stories and and and why we don't do them. I don't tend to wanna I don't tend to wanna talk to politics unless it's there's an evidence that you're being an idiot, and you're not thinking wisely,

or that you're attaching yourself to too many things things that aren't Jesus, basically. Where I think we may be suckered by some political party or notion of freedom and that we miss Jesus in the picture, then that's the only reason I care is to get you away from it. And then some of the other stuff like we we've we've we've done the cheating pastor. We've done the miracle story. We've done the here's a celebrity doing this type of thing. Okay. You know? Though, anyway, that's why I skip it. Phyllis, we doing alright in here? Here, here. Yep. Okay. Awesome. We got some advice to give, Nathaniel? Yeah. Okay. Let's have it. Dear

lie from the path. My brother dated an alcoholic for years. Jenny Jenny's drinking problem progressively worsened to the point we could no longer have a conversation with her.

She was a sloppy, emotional drunk and lied about her drinking to my brother. He finally become became unhappy and recently broke off the relationship. His adult children, our dad, my husband, and I are supporting him, and I encourage him toward more healthy relationships. We are proud of him for making this move. The challenge is our mom who is a daily drinker. She misses her drinking buddy and continues to hang out with Jenny. My brother has told mom, it makes it harder for him to make a clean break, but she continues to meet regularly with Jenny. I told mom I have chosen not to contact Jenny because it hurts my brother.

Mom responded that she will continue to see her and that they don't talk about my brother. Not true. So she can understand the problem. Are we unfair for preferring a clean break for everyone? Yeah. No. I think your mom I think the mom's making a I think a selfish I mean, she's obviously making a selfish decision, and she obviously has a drinking problem. But, like, I what's it to you?

Is the mom bringing it up in conversation? Like, what what if your mom like, I I guess I don't understand why this is negatively impacting the brother to find out. I guess if well, consider this for a second. Let's say, you know, we're all hanging out and mom's telling a crazy story about what happened with her and Jenny last night. Like me and Jenny were out, you know, hitting the the club or whatever, you know. I don't know. Well, no. Right. That's why I asked. Like, is she bringing it up? Is she talking about it? Or is the problem that she's just talking with Jenny at all? I don't think it made clear. I think maybe the sister seems like it's that Jenny's talking with her at all because she said she's not even communicating with her. But Yeah. That's not your concern. Here's the thing, is that like people want solidarity in things, that it's not your problem. You'd say if you don't

I get it. You're you're trying to stay away from this woman, your brother is, the adult children are, that makes sense. You don't want relationship with her, don't have a relationship with her. Totally your prerogative. You don't get to say who else has a relationship with her. That's not your place. And so unless this woman is harming your mom, in which case your mom's grown, she gets to make her own decisions here too. And, and so I you don't even have a right to be mad at your mom here, to be honest with you. And I get it. There's there's a sense that, hey. Someone who hurt me, how can you then associate with them? I I'm here's what I'm gonna tell you. I the world is just more nuanced than this

than solidarity in you hurt me, I refuse to like, you hurt someone I love, and so I refuse to deal with you at all. Like, the relationship with the mom and the drunk is different than the relationship to the drunk and the husband. It's just like, it's just different. And some of the same hurts that may have occurred between husband and wife did not occur between mom and daughter-in-law.

And so, I get it. It feels like a betrayal. It's, I'm just telling you, like, it's it's too far. You gotta figure out how not to be bothered by it. Now if your mom's bringing it up, if she's constantly mess like, bringing this woman up and it's it's harming you, then I think you can say, look, mom, I don't wanna be part of these conversations. I don't wanna hear about it. It's a risk to me. And and if she can and continues to, like, ignore you and disrespect you by bringing it up even when you've asked her not to, then you might need to put some more sticker boundaries between you and your mom. Your mom just because she's mom doesn't mean she gets to say whatever she wants to. If she can't, you know, interact in your life in a in a positive way, in an encouraging way, in a way that is within the boundaries that are that are good, then you gotta put boundaries on her, that's fine too. But, I would say that it's not your place, I don't think, from my perspective, to be upset with your you shouldn't even be mad at It's not your business. She can talk to her if she wants to. What do you think, Nick?

I think I probably mostly agree with what you're saying. It seems like as far as the mom, if she's bringing up up the ex girlfriend all the time and stuff in front of her son and everything, that that's just not her being caring or loving toward her son Yeah. Which obviously seems that if she loves her son, she wouldn't do that. Yeah. But as far as whether or not she still has a relationship with the lady Yeah. Not really something you can do about that. Yeah. Agreed. I mean, it's okay to say that it's not healthy.

Sure. Like But it's not your call as to whether or not somebody else is in a relationship with somebody. That's right. It's not your call to make. That's right. And we just talked about this. Right? Like we we even when you're talking about accountability, as much as I you might look at the mom and go, hey, I want you to have healthy relationships. Like, you can't force her. She's a grown woman. Gets to have that she she gets to take responsibility for life and for that relationship if she wants to keep it. It may have consequences on your relationship with her. That's fair too. That, like, you can make whatever decisions you want. You do have to deal with the consequences of it. But, like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Nathaniel, what do you think? I think if I was the son, I'd be a little hosed off. But also, like you're saying, you can't choose who people hang out with.

So, yeah. I think, yeah, it's not their call. Now what what if what if they're exchanging salacious details? The they're they're they're bad mouthing the sun during the meetings, then what? Nothing you can do about that. You're not there. Yeah. It seems weird that the I mean, I don't know. Everybody's family dynamic. But like it just seems weird that the mom would wanna like engage in that. Like,

talking about creepy weird stuff with her ex daughter-in-law. She's so so here's the thing. They have a common enemy because what they have in their minds is a common holier than thou. Look at the look at the son. He thinks we drink too much.

Isn't he a goody goody? You know what I'm saying? Like, he's given us the judgment. And so they have a they have a common person to complain about. Nothing draws a crowd or a friendship like a common complaint. Yeah. We agree that this guy is a turd. And so, and and here's the thing. People find solace in that. You hose off somebody, and then they go find someone else that you've also hosed off, and they got we got friends. And here's the thing. The thing that hosed off the guy to begin with is the thing that they also share. They get to drink and talk about the guy. Now here's the thing. I would say that if she's otherwise not bringing it up, you don't know any different. And so you don't get to spend and should not spend any time thinking about what they're talking about. I've burned hours on that. People who I know are upset with me for some reason or another, right, wrong, or indifferent,

and worried about, oh, those two people are getting together. Certainly, they're talking bad about me in some way or another. I'm like, what? One, I I won't ever know. And if they they tell me, then at least they're being honest about it. If they don't tell me, I won't know whether it happened. And so, like, it just isn't worth any brain cycles. I don't, yeah, I don't spend any time on it anymore. I used to. It was it wasn't worth it. It didn't add any value to my life worrying about what they were talking about. Because either they're wrong, and I why would I worry about something that I know is wrong? Or they're right, and it probably has come up in a critique where they're right. And if they're right, regardless of what I think of them, I should probably react to that and change my ways. Like, that's the core core tenant of humility is being willing to change regardless of who the who who the bringer of the news is. Is it true? Well, then I should probably take it in. Okay. What did what was the secular's advice? Secular

says, you are not unfair, but this isn't your decision. It is your brother's and your mother's. Of course, she doesn't want to give up her drinking buddy. You stated that she drinks every day. One of the warning signs of alcoholism

is when someone's drinking disrupts relationships. Your mother's drinking is now negatively affecting her relationship with her husband, her son, and you. But it appears she's unwilling to give up her drinking and gossip session with Jenny. It might be helpful for the rest of you to attend some al

Aladone. What does that mean? Alcoholics anonymous. Oh. Okay. Meetings and learn to cope with this. You will find meetings are available online and almost everywhere if you visit alanon.org.

Okay. So we so, well well, we kind of agreed aligned there. I think it's alright. Yeah. I agree. So it's alright to be irritated, but, you know, do not spend any more cycles on it. Yeah. I think might be overwrought to go to say an indicator in relation is that they start breaking relationships. Because, like, if someone says, was there an indication that they said, look, you gotta they told mom to give up the drinking?

No. Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah. They just said mom's an alcoholic, that rascal. Now think about that, because they said that the guy's got grown children. Right? So, I mean, this has gotta be a thirty thirty five wait. No. No. He's gonna be a warlord gnat. He's gotta be in his 40 late forties, fifties. Late forties, early fifties. That means the mom's probably 70.

Okay. Some of these ships have sailed. This guy's gotta get rid like, listen here. There's a time to put away childish things, as Paul might mention, and that goes with relationship drama. Don't do relationship drama after, like, 25, maybe even 23. Pull yourselves together. Alright?

Like, we're not I the word girlfriend even like, if you're over if you're over 40 and someone says girlfriend, I'm immediately suspicious of the whole thing. It feels like a drama fest to me. And so I've been fortunate in my marriage, and so maybe this is just my time of life, and it's not meaning it's not totally fine to date at these ages. I'm just saying, like, you you you gotta get to a point where you're like, look, I got no tolerance for drama in these arenas, These these these high schoolish type of behaviors. And so here's the deal. As soon as the girlfriend because she's gotta be what? She's gotta be late forties, early fifties too, and she's she's, you know, tipping the the knob on the bottle once you go, look, we're not doing this. I'm not doing a drama fest here. And so give up the drinking or Werdunskis. And then you wouldn't even got too far in this relationship, to have had this problem with the bomb. They never would have even met because you would have cut it off. And so I'm just saying there's just a time where you gotta say, look. Life is I'm on the twilight here. And so I just we don't have time for this type of behavior. I remember a few other advice categories were like,

it was just like a 50 year old dude, 55 or something, and you just got what seemed like very amateurish problems. Whereas you just gotta wipe your hands of the thing and go, that's not no. We're not dude, we're not doing it. It's too late. Too late in the years. I'm gonna go in movies by myself. Alright. Next next advice. Dear, life from the path. I am becoming more and more irritated with people. My fuse is short, and I'm prone to bursts of anger.

Today, I watched another driver run a red light. I proceeded to honk my horn, lower my window, and give the guy my middle finger. Yeah. I know it was risky, but I couldn't resist the impulse. I am sick of people. They are, in my opinion, self centered, inconsiderate jerks who need to be smacked. Stupid questions also set me off. I've snapped at my wife and kids, which is not something I intend. What can I do to get a grip on my temper and not act out the way I I have been? It's some is something wrong with me? Really a nice guy in Michigan.

I don't know. Is he really a nice guy? What do you think, Nick? He's got his anger under control, he says. Well, speaking from my own personal experience with some road rage, I can say for myself anyway that usually it's because I value my time more than I do anyone else on the road. Okay. So I guess

seems like maybe a little bit of a selfish intentions to wherever I'm going or wherever I need to do or whatever I'm trying to do with my time is more important than others. Yep. Yep. I don't really know how you can cure that other than

mean, you still sitting for the mentality? You given anybody the bird this week? I haven't given anybody the bird, but I honk at people fairly often. Okay. Okay. Because either they're going too slow or whatever. Okay. But yeah, I guess

you just gotta realize that everybody else is trying to do something and get somewhere too, and you never know what they're they're going through or why they might be trying to get to where they're going or, you know, maybe that person on the road is distracted because their family issues or Yeah. Whatever is going on in their life, so maybe they're not focused on going as fast as you'd like them to. So take a wider perspective. So yeah. Good Take a wider perspective on things and Okay. Yeah. Okay. Nathaniel,

how do you help this man? Sounds like he needs to take a chillaxative. I don't know. I Was I supposed to burst out laughing at that comedy gold? I wish I wish you had would have. Did you combine chill and relax

and laxative? The triple crown of references? Chillaxative. I am in the midst of royalty.

Okay. Speaking of people who are impressed with themselves, go ahead, Nathaniel. Yeah. I think if he took a a step back and realized that he's not the the sin of the sin of the the the world, especially when it comes to like, he can't stand stupid questions. Yep. It's like, you know, it's your it doesn't say how old his kids are, but like, you know, they're still kids. Yeah. I mean I mean, plenty of adults ask stupid questions all the time. So mean It just has nothing to do with it. But here's the thing. The notion of of, hey, of evaluating this stupid question is a self centered one. It says, look. This is not worth my time to have to answer this or think about it. You should have already thought about it, dummy, like I have. This is this is totally a humility problem. Anger at the world lacks humility.

It looks at the rest of the world and said, all of you are pissing me off, and I don't deserve to be pissed off. The world should function the way that I expect it to function. I should not be interrupted by slow people, and I should not be bothered with these stupid questions. That is a this is a good this is at its core humility problem. And so here's what I would say, friend. First of all, if you're not otherwise in a relationship with Jesus, I would get there. Like, this is the right way to humility. When you recognize that there is a creator God and a sacrificial son, you tend to see your life in a little bit better perspective. And so this is where humility comes from, and so you need to walk with Jesus. And Jesus will humble you, and he will remind you

of play things that you need to be able to give up. And then you're gonna fight him with it, and you're gonna you're gonna hold on tight to it anyway until Jesus you ain't gonna do it. And it's gonna be real rough transition in your life. And hopefully, at some point in there, you'd give that up. You start not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less and valuing the people around you and saying, you know what? I already know the answer to this, and this person asked me a question that I already know the answer to. What a blessing to be able to help them.

And then you will then engage life bringing people up and raising them up with your wisdom, mister smarty town, and not being hosed off because they don't know all the stuff that you know or they don't remember all the stuff that you remember. Like, quit being a self centered doofus. That is, I think, your core problem. And here's the thing. I'm a tell you this too. What are you what are you doing with that middle finger?

Nick Cox is the man who gives the bird or the or the horn. What what is your horn gonna is real Well, horn is a way of releasing my anger. It's a to tell someone, get going. Okay. So I'm gonna write we're gonna reorient to this too. The horn

the horn is an instrument of encouragement, Nick Cox. Negative. Hey, bro. Hey, bro. Honk honk. Just a little tapi tapi. I see you looking at your phone at the green light. Let's heads up. Let's keep it moving. K? It's an instrument of encouragement. So I would say for me, it's an instrument of aggression. So you need to disconnect the horn out your car. You need to undo undo the wires so that you would not have full it's like given it's like having a bullhorn is what it is. It's say as opposed to feeling angry, it's saying, I want people to know that I'm angry. But, like, there's no health in it. What is that middle finger gonna do? Healthy. That's good. Come back to the come back to the window and go, you know what, sir? I'm very sorry. You've made me a better person. What's ironic is that he says, in my opinion, people are self centered and considerate jerks who need to be smacked. That's right. That's right. He is an ironic self centered jerk who needs to be smacked. Yes. Yeah. He and he's missing he's missing himself in this particular scenario.

Yeah. Now the hard part so, like, what what Nick Cox was saying around, hey, man. You never know what's going on in somebody's life. That's true. The hardest thing to get to is have yourself default to that view of the world. Like, you just we tend to take it in. Like, hey. I'm trying to go to a to b. Well, I'm the only me, and so it makes sense to see the world through my own eyes. But, like, to look around and constantly be taking it in with somebody else in mind from their point of view, from their perspective, with sympathies for whatever may be going on, or a recognition that you know very little about what's happening around you. Like, once you can get there, it's a way different life to be able to see the world like that. But that's the hard part because you often can't force it. You can't just go, oh, I would intend to see it from someone else's view today. Like, it's a prayer thing. It's that that's a sanctification thing that happens. You you will start taking in the world, less about less about you.

But it's something you have to be mindful of, to have to be prayerful about. You have to try to be intentional about doing, and it will get there. So anyway, broad advice to this to this cat, you have every problem you think the rest of the world suffers from, you suff you might be the king of them. You suffer from them. You lack humility. You probably need smacked. I'm not gonna do it for reasons affirmations in in the show. But, yeah. That's your that's that's how you fix it. You you get Jesus, you find humility, and you use whatever, wisdom that you think is being affronted now as a means to encourage people and raise them up. And then you've put you've put your evil to work for good, and that'll be great.

What does Segular have said? Segular says, the season to be jolly has always been stressful as it is as it is its aftermath. You are not allowed to do the advice. I'm a bad reading. You appear to have a second grade reading level. I do.

Will not I will not stand for these dumb questions. When it's time to pay the bills, this last holiday season has been more stressful than most any number for reasons. What does this have to do with the problem? I don't know. She she gave a prelude. Okay.

Chapter two. Anger is a normal emotion. Everyone experiences it from time to time, but lowering one's car window, playing the horn like a musical instrument, and giving other drivers the finger is not only unwise, but dangerous. That is now that guy mentioned that. I knew this like, that is not what I'm worried about. If someone punched you in the face, I feel like that was you that was your comeuppance. I don't mind that at all. These days, it could get you killed. Yeah. Okay. I mean, say the person in the car is they have extra road rage, and they decide they're just gonna smash the side of your car. No. But then think about this, though. Think of he knows this. He knows this is a risk in this day and age. He is so self centered and justified in his being hosed off. He's he think it's like, it's worth the risk to go ahead and mouth off to some random fella.

Like I mean, seems unwise to me. It is unwise. It is blindness and it is arrogance. And yet you hark, Nick. Yes. You I equally I admit though that it's unwise, but I'd foolishly do that. Well, so did he. I'm not under any Yeah. That's true. He he also wrecked it. He admitted his problem. He's just not his repentance doesn't seem like it's in in the cards. Okay. What was so what was the advice then? For the record, a bad mood is not a valid excuse for taking it out on someone you think has asked a stupid question. If the query is sincere, no question is stupid. Your loss of self con control, if recent,

could be related to frustration or misdirected anger at something you you were out something out of your control. Does experiencing these feelings mean there is something wrong with you? Not necessarily, as long as you find ways to manage your emotions before exploding. We are all human, we all make mistakes. My booklet, The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It, offers suggestions

for directing angry feelings in a healthy way. That she would this is way too light. She's been way too light on this man. She's taken a guy who admits that he is he is, like, shotgun blasted his own wife and kids for dumb questions, and is a is a maniacal road rager. And it's just and it's like, oh, you know, this is normal human emotion and, like, just find a better way to express it. No. No. Like, I get it. I think that is a good that's a fine first step, but, like, you gotta get to the root of this thing. You should not be so mad. You shouldn't be so mad. I do I'm a I honk the horn every once in while, Nick Cox, just so we're just so we we lay the runway.

But it's generally because the guy is looking at his phone at the stoplight. And I just I don't intend to do it angrily because I've I've been guilty of such a thing. And, there's a people that have been gracious with me, and so I I, feel like I don't need to, you know, take a flamethrower to the world about it. I don't ever honk. My wife gets mad at me because, like, people will be trying to run me off the road, merging, not seeing me, and I still won't honk. And she said that's what it's there for. I mean, that's what I would say is, yeah, that's that's the situation where you honk. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't do it. It's to draw attention and provide encouragement. I just I just slow down. I say, come on in, buddy. Not not when somebody's in the left lane going 70 and you wanna go faster, so you have to pass them in the right lane. And you find out that they're looking down at their phone and not paying attention. Yeah. And then you honk at them while you're passing them. Yeah. And then give them one of these. Yeah. In the old That that may be a little uncalled for. Yeah. Yeah. I it's it's deeper than that. I I you know, here's the thing. I I I know, like, it's it's it's totally it's a it is a prime emotion, and anger is something totally legit to struggle with. But, like, just accepting that you're an angry person and finding ways, like, getting a stress ball to squeeze or a mattress to punch, like, that no. No. No. No. These

aren't the only things. What did say? They're just a band aid. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's just we're deflection. Right? You're just saying, hey, I just don't want the punch to land on somebody. Let's get to the let's not throw punches. Let's get to the point where we're not throwing punches. Okay. Alright. Hey. You've been listening to Live From The Path. We thank you so much for hanging out with us tonight. Two quick things. One, if you got any feedback for us on the show, you got comments, suggestions, whatever, you can use the Live From The Path complaint line. The number is (515) 517-0085. That's phone calls or text messages. (515) 517-0085. The Bob Eisenhower live from The Path complaint line. We'd love to be able to hear from you even if you hate the show, even if it makes you angry, even if you would give me the bird when you drove by.

Even so, I'd love for you to use it. Also, in your, podcasting app, you know, if you wouldn't mind rating the show. And here's the thing. I I have a general idea from our, the statistics we get from the show. How many people use the podcasting's apps? We got, like, one or two reviews on iTunes. I know that's not the entire population. Okay? And so if you're a holdout let's focus on you this week, iTunes. If you're an iTunes holdout who has not rated the show, I'm just saying it's two punches of the old finger. Okay? Five stars submit or whatever. And, or one star and submit. You don't have to lie, but I do I would like you to rate the show. And so if you could do that for me, I would feel great about it. Otherwise, I'll be I'll be super angry with you. And so if you could do that, that'd be fantastic. I think that is everything we have this week. We look forward to to hooking up with you again. Hopefully, next week, we'll see if everybody's back in town and not not out with birthdays and sicknesses and all the stuff. So in the meantime sorry. Be faithful in the means. God will handle the ends. You've been listening to Live From The Path.