Live from the Pathway Studios in Johnston Proper. You are live from the path.

And you're listening to live from the Pathway Studios here in Johnston Proper. I've been here all day. I don't think you've been here all day.

I've been here most of the day. Okay. Alright. Here's where we're going on the show today. So I have I have some Pope style advice. I think I I don't know if I've ever done, like, maybe two.

I barely ever do Pope style advice, I think, but I had one this week, and I it's it's questionable. It's kinda like the podcast recommendations that we've made before. Like, it's questionable whether it's profound to anybody else, but it seemed profound to me. And so I've got some Pope style advice this week. And we've got Mike, we were gonna talk about the a quote. The quote. What was the quote from the man? Hold on. I'm looking at it. You lost it already. Well, we'll have some advice on dear life and the pathway. Mike's waiting to pick that up. We did have some technical difficulties last week for the show with John Paul Birch, but I got something out there for you. So make sure you go check it out

at last week's podcast. It was a barn I mean, we were here for a couple hours. You got an hour and a half. It was probably enough. We overtalk. Okay. Okay. For the quote? Here's the quote. Someone popped this out on Twitter, and they said, for your information, your intention is irrelevant if your impact is harmful.

Don't use your intention to dismiss someone who tells you they're hurt by something you did. Apologize, learn, and commit to doing better. And this is not the first time like that that quote. It seems to be making the rounds, right, of people putting it out. And so one more time, take a listen to and just just mull it over in your mind. So the quote is, for your information,

your intention is irrelevant if your impact is harmful. Don't use your intention to dismiss someone who tells you they're hurt by something you did. Apologize, learn, and commit to doing better.

So we're just we're gonna talk about that quote and and try to give it a fair shake. I don't think it's quite as profound as it's being saying don't be defensive? Well Someone says you hurt me. Don't defend me. Just just apologize.

Move on? Yeah. Kind of. Is that Yeah. Kind of. Except for, like, what is and what is not harmful. If that gets to be in the eye of the beholder Yeah. Then, like, good luck telling a drunk he needs to quit drinking. Right. Right? Because you've wounded me. You've wounded my soul and my and my life by trying to speak into it. Who do you think that you are to to to speak harm into my life? Right? When it's obvious that, like, they're trying to take you out of harm.

And, like so once again, if harm is in the eye of the beholder and there's no there's no justifier or way and measure to what is actually harmful or not, then this quote's kinda hard to deal with. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. And I think it's it's actually being said from the fact of is, like, doesn't matter what you intended.

If I perceive it as harmful, then you owe me an apology. You slapped my hand as my diabetic canvas reaching for a chocolate chip cookie, and I said, hey. That's correct. And here's the thing. I I think what

we're gonna talk about is, like, I think everybody knows better than this, but, like, you you you're easily swept in by this. Like, your heart goes, yeah. I didn't I didn't mean to cause harm even if I was trying to do a good thing. I probably owe an apology. And, like, even even, like, people who follow Jesus go, yeah. You know what? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. But once again, we're just gonna look at it a fresh lens of deep just getting two layers in and go, just make sure you're taking these things in and not being swept around by rando quotes on the Internet and make you look at things differently or call you off of good things, saying good things, even hard things to people. Right? Because the thing is if we don't ever say hard things to somebody, then the thing never gets said.

Yeah. The question, well, yeah, one of the questions were asked like there, I always assume if I've heard something particular point, particularly poignant, my first question is, is like, what is this cutting off? This is cutting off something. This is saying don't do this type of behavior. And like, is there a good way to have done that behavior that you're old, like you're throwing out babies with bath waters. If you're trying to protect against something, have you overprotected it? Right, and here's the thing, it's like, you know, I would submit that God does not look at it this way.

God does not say your intention is irrelevant. He doesn't measure things like that at all. He says, yeah. I wanna know where your heart's at. That is what I care about. When you make mistakes along the way, I'm gonna I'm gonna grace those up. Like, we're good. Right. Right? But, like, your intention is all that actually matters. Yeah. Unless it's completely misguided. Right? Like, obviously, you could take that and run it off the edge of a cliff or something. But Yeah. Okay. So and then we've got one we've got one article and we're just gonna do this straight off the bat, and then we're gonna get the show moving along. Okay. So I don't I feel like CS Lewis could be rolling in the grate. Like, I I wonder if his family is around for

some of this stuff. Because, like, I'm just gonna say this out loud. Is that, like, I could start a newsletter and go, yes. This is on this is, like, aligning with CS Lewis, and, no one would ever know or be able to keep me from it. Yeah. Bless that man. I don't know where these things are coming from. There was an article on BeliefNet that said six ways women have an affair. No matter how you rationalize it, these actions are just as damaging as cheating. Okay. That's the thing I want you to keep in mind. No matter how you rationalize it, these actions are just as damaging as cheating. And two things I want you to think about. One, is it is that true for the things we're gonna say? And two, why would these only apply to women? Those are the two questions. And and cheating, I'm assuming they mean like a intimate relation. Yes.

Yes. Got it. Okay. Biblically knowing. Okay. The last thing any loving husband wants to hear is that their wife has been unfaithful, but the truth is you've probably been unfaithful and may not have even realized it. Oh, no. You've mysteriously been unfaithful. Your your intention doesn't matter at the soda fountain. It isn't just sleeping with someone other than your spouse. Affairs involve our deepest emotions, and before we know it, we are so far gone, our marriage can't recover. K. Again, hold on to that and see if these things match that. Here are six ways women have an affair. Some are pretty clear and others less obvious. Isn't that the introduction to someone who wrote a bad article? Yeah. Yes. You may yeah. Yeah. Right. Okay. Fuzzy. Number one,

daydreaming. What? What? Keep your knickers on. You. Expound. Daydreaming may seem harmless.

This sounds like people drinking caffeinated beverages. Black tea may be harmful at first. Daydreaming may seem harmless at first, especially if it doesn't involve sexual lust. But if you find yourself daydreaming about a person that isn't your spouse, okay, there's some more specificity. It's not only wrong, but also problematic. Infidelity begins in the mind. When you're daydreaming about another man, you're allowing him to replace your husband in your thoughts, and that is being unfaithful. What may have started as an innocent daydream can cause great strain in marriage. More times than not, the reality doesn't live up to the storyline playing in your head. The more you obsess over the faultless man in your head, the more faults you find in your husband in real life. Yeah. Okay. So this is true for men and women both. Yeah. I don't know that this like, men are just lazier.

Right? Like, if if and this is broad sweeping, you know, advice or whatever, but, like, generally, ladies,

they will put thought and intention into, like, a man that they will think of in their head and then compare their slub of a husband to him and go, yeah. That guy's never gonna make it up. Right? The dude cannot doesn't have the imagination or the the attitude to try to dream up a woman, so he'll just go find one on the Internet that's willing to be naked. And then try to compare his wife to now this this woman that has not gone through any trials or hardships with him at all and go, well, now this is now his wife is not measuring up. Like, both sexes are equally guilty guilty of this. And, like, it it is odd to call the women out specifically

for the daydreaming. Although, I I mean, I guess it really depends on how much time you're spending on it. Right? Like, a quick thought in your head, I I don't think qualifies. We're just we're we're getting really close to fair cynical territory here. Like, things that god did not say are a problem, and we're calling them, like, red letter big banner problem. Yeah. I could see this as maybe red flags. I could see it as, woah. Woah. You know? Caution. Yeah. Caution. Yep. Slow down, Nelly.

But I don't I I I have a hard time saying you have been unfaithful now because you had a daydream about the guy at work that always smells good and dresses nice and speaks properly and never itches his rear end. Right. You know you know, that you see Does his buttocks never itch? I'm amazed. Right. Right. And, actually, that that's the place where stuff starts to creep in is you start getting interactions with people that aren't your spouse, that aren't in situations that your spouse is in, and they come out smelling like roses. Like, yeah. Hey. That guy never stinks up the bathroom. Well, you've not been next to him when he was taking a dump. So, like, is this a fair comparison? You live with this other man. Now now to be fair, there are many broken families because people allowed those daydreams to go further. Agreed. So so that's why I say it is a caution. It's a red flag. Yep. It's it's a, you know, take note. Yep. Step back.

But I would have a hard, yeah, hard hard time saying, oh, now you've been unfaithful. This is the same. This is not the same. Yeah, you better go to God with the altar and repent in tears and weeping. I'd say like, yeah, just start going the other direction. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I agree. And I think the broad takeaway is, is to Dan's point, look, it's a caution and like, whatever it is that you've won, you're in a marriage. And so it's time to fix that one to work on it, to give it the effort that it needs. And like, just almost if you're ever comparing the person you're married to to someone you're not married to, just recognize this is not even a remotely fair comparison when you shouldn't be doing it, but like where you're being deceived is is it's not a like for like. There's a difference between spending your whole life, making important decisions, having children, sorting out bills, sharing the bathroom, dealing with terrible in laws or whatever with a person, and then someone who bears no responsibility

for any of those things to you gets to float in and float out of your life with some sort of magic. Yes. That's right. Exactly right. Yeah. You know what you know what looks really cool? A sports car. You know what sucks when you gotta go to the hardware store? A sports car. Yeah. You know I'm saying? So, like, it's it does get to be that type of comparison where you start looking at other people who outside of your marriage and be like, you know, look how great they are in this situation. But, like like, now just try to put groceries in that sports car. Try to put all your winter gear plus your two kids in the sports car. Now it doesn't seem like it's holding up quite as cool, does it? Like, so you're running it through a really unfair filter. Yes. And may maybe this is a an opportunity to say because because you can't help it. Like, if your mind's wandering there, maybe it's a time to say, hey. I better sit down and talk to Billy and and and tell him why I'm thinking and why I'm thinking this and like Yep. Maybe we should have a conversation. Not necessarily you need to measure up, but but here's where I must be lacking Yeah. In a relationship and and have that work that out. Mean, because you're having that for some reason. There's some reason you're having that daydream. Yeah. It's okay to to address a leaky pipe without going, we're I'm gonna move. Yeah. Right. I'm out of here. Okay. Number two, having physical intimacy with someone who's not your spouse compared to letting friends dictate your relationship. Oh, boy. On same level?

Letting friends dictate your relationship. Here's the detail. When you surround yourself with friends who don't respect your relationship and those who aren't secure about their own relationships, your marriage will quickly fall into a toxic place. Again, I'm gonna tell you this is not limited to the ladies. Guys are probably not as direct about this, but, like, you can have poor fellow friends around you who encourage you in wrong things. Who are either hunting every day or watching games every day. Or Yeah. Or, you know, they had doing their whatever their hobby is. That's right. The interferes yeah. But my wife don't give me no trouble. She I I get to hunt all the time, and, like, I just make sure I bring home the bills. This man is not the same thing as someone else going, hey. You should actively seek someone else, but he's harming you in the same way. And so I just be careful. We were we are who we hang around. I don't know about that. It's important that we are surrounding ourselves with people who are uplifting and encouraging. While it's important to create time for your girlfriends, you shouldn't be spending more time with them than your husband. These kinds of friends who throw caution to the wind aren't there to support you but to sabotage your marriage. I'm ask you this question. First of all, who's this written by?

Dude or lady? What do we think? Lady. I wanna say lady. It is a lady. Leslie White. I just this is oh, this almost I could be wrong about this, but this seems like it could be true, but very caricature ish. Doesn't it? Like, there's an underlying thing

that needs addressed and talked through that reasonable people can have challenges on, but we've almost this almost seems cartoonish where people get to dismiss it because it's so goofy and shallow. Maybe you don't know the depth of it because you're not a lady. Maybe not. We should have waited till we had a lady in here. Yeah. Okay. I'm gonna open you up to this. Ladies, as you're as we're talking through this, maybe I'm being too gracious, you conniving spiders, and this is happening in your day to day lives. But let me know. Maybe because, like, I I mean, I I've seen character or, like, cartoonish representations of dudes, and I think it's detrimental

to talking about how to how to mature manliness when we act like like like the only caricature is a dude who sits on his butt all the time. That's not the only option.

And so, okay. I don't know. They just seem a little bit shallow. Number three, not creating boundaries with people of the opposite sex. One of the most vital components to creating a happy, healthy, and fulfilling relationship is to become a master of setting boundaries in your marriage. It's especially important that you create boundaries with male coworkers, friends, and acquaintances. If you don't, you may quickly find yourself in a vulnerable position. What may begin as an innocent friendship can easily spiral into emotional or physical affair. The next thing you know, you are thinking about this man more and wishing you could spend more intimate time with him. And the daydreaming returns. There it is. The thinking about the man. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So I'm I'm I'm

helping with this orphanage in in Africa, and there's a couple over there, a married couple who are the directors there and I'm like the director here. So there's lot of communication going on back and forth. Yep. I have a relationship. I met her first. Right? And and so I have somewhat of a relationship with with her over the last few years. We've met and talked and now we're like in a working relationship. And so we've been doing a lot of talking, like, as I'm kind of ramping into this thing. Yep. And it occurred to me two days ago, I thought, you know, I probably ought to start a new conversation

thread, you know, on messenger messenger that includes him. Mhmm. You know, just because, you know, we're not doing anything, know, but but just because. Yep. Just be safe. And so I I started to think, Blah blah blah. And she's, yeah. I've been showing him. Figured she was showing him because they're they're in partnership together. Yep. And and

neither one of us were having an affair. You know, we never crossed the line, but we also said, hey, gosh, maybe maybe we should also be intelligent and wise. Yep. And and yeah. I I think I think this article is going well. I just don't agree with with them, but I do in heart. Yeah. Right. Right. It could can caution.

It's it's something and we had this conversation, I wanna say six or seven shows ago, which is like, it is a it is a disservice to to position either men or women to be constantly thinking that they are, like it treats the

opposite gender as a completely sexual aggressor

by acting like you cannot have normal relationships, kind interactions, hey, how's it goings with people of the opposite gender. Like, I think it causes us like in our attempt to make sure that people aren't treated as objects, you turn them into objects as if they are wandering threats. But like anything,

perfectly, this is gonna seem like a bad comparison, but like a donut on a table, like can be a risk to you if you decide to overindulge. If you take it outside of its boundary and have 15 instead of treating it within its proper boundary and eat one and maybe a two, anything can be misused.

And so you gotta know where your risks are. You gotta know the thing that says, Hey, I should not eat anymore. And you do it anyway. That's a problem. And so like, so I think I think caution is appropriate everywhere. Using people is always wrong,

but like acting like, you know, I can't talk to you because because you've got a bra on that you are a total risk to me and you are just an aggressive sexual object. Like, we're missing out. Yeah. I can't be trusted and neither can you. Yeah. Right. Because like, what are ever what are you gonna do with the freedom that God gave you? Right? Like, when when God releases this sin from owning you, I always remember the thing that I've always prayed for is like, for God to help me to see

women as he sees them, right, not as like a sinful broken mic would see them because like I don't wanna not have interactions with them. Yeah. Right? Like, don't wanna have to set up a bunch of ridiculous boundaries. I will until God can work that out of me. Right? But when God started to work that out of me, I'm like, look, I I wanna be able to to have conversations with with with people who wanna know about Jesus and whether that be a man or a woman or whatever. Like, we start talking about some certain stuff, I'm gonna bail and be like, look, this is probably not the right conversation for me. But, like, I I I just it it just sounded so stupid to be like, well, if someone's, you know, came to you and they really wanted to talk about Jesus and, like, they were a woman, you're like, hold on. Let me go get my wife. I can't help you. Right? Like, that's terrible. That just doesn't sound right to me. So, like, it was always a god redeemed this brokenness in me,

not help me to set up proper boundaries to keep the woman zombies away from me so I don't act a fool. You know? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. So Whatever. Let's go with a just be wise about it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And and I think in in certain situations like, Dan, like what you're talking about, like, there's just a value in transparency, not because there's any particular risk, but because, like, if anybody were to ever think there was a particular risk, we can easily demonstrate. It's why we keep the books. Exactly. Exactly. Well, like, yeah, you know, our conversation, hey. Are you going to the conference? What hotel are you gonna be at? You know, like, all of sudden, you're like, okay. Let's just that's not where any of this was going, but let's, like, just include every and I'm I'm sitting with my wife and we're having the hey. I'm gonna ask them blah blah blah. Know? Right. But it was just like, you know, it's just better if we're just all involved with this. Yes. Yep. Yep. Just right. There's not a harm in it. And and frankly, what it does is it protects against, like, I know what someone could accuse me of to try to take something that is pure and make it look like it's rough, and I don't want any part of that. Nope. Nope. Yep. Number I don't know what number we want.

Focusing too heavily on yourself. Equivalent to cheating? Next week on Geraldo. Contrary to popular belief, you can be unfaithful to your spouse with yourself. Okay. Continue. Maybe it'll finish. This is jacking with my mind.

I would go over there. Who's who's the How can you imagine having that conversation? Look, man. I need to talk to you for a minute. And all of sudden, dude's stomach is, turning over like, oh, no. Here it comes. Look. I've been seeing another person. Me. I really like me. Oh, no. I've been thinking about me all the time. Daydreaming even. Contrary to popular belief, you can be unfaithful to your spouse with yourself. How much you how you might ask? When you begin to choose self gratification over spouse gratification, you're being unfaithful.

There's not I mean, selfish maybe. Self centered maybe. Yeah. Unfaithful? I get like, why okay. Here's the question. Why are we why? Why are we stretching this? Is it because is this is this person trying to make the case that, like, you're not taking some of what would be considered minor, like, cautions seriously enough so then you drag it over into the camp as being the same thing? Does that feel like what's happening here? I think it's I I

I think maybe it it feels like they're writing a counterbalance to most, you know, articles that are written about men who are way more obvious about the things that they're doing. And she I feel like she's trying to speak to women's internal thoughts and feelings towards how these things, like, what what appears to be harmless ends up being harmful when made into a pattern instead of a deviation. I would feel better if if the posturing of the article was,

hey. You think you would never do this. Here's how it happened to me. This that would be a great article. Yeah. So here's how some here's how we can start. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. That'd be way different as opposed to making sure, like, making it sound like it's the same thing. I mean, I I my my wife hates it when I go to Hoo Hot. I love Hoo Hot. Yeah. Because I make it really spicy and garlicky and she can smell it when I walk when she walks in the door, she's like, I know where you went to lunch. I'm like, yeah. And so I used to just not go Yeah. For quite a bit. And at some point about five years ago, thought,

I'm gonna go. I really like hoo hoo. Now now and I go by myself usually because, you know, it's just how the schedule works.

I don't know. I don't think of that as being unfaithful to my wife, and she doesn't either. Now it's kind of a joke. Right. Right. You know, but this totally selfish. 100%. Right. Right. I love every moment of it, and I know she's gonna hate every moment of the next two days. But But isn't that the thing, though? Like, you didn't marry yourself. Right? And so, like, you agreed to be in a relationship with a completely different person. Mhmm. And, like, where parts of you where God says spiritually he sees you as one, like, you have two very unique parts that God has brought together. And, like, I don't wanna erase every part of my wife. Like, I want her to be independent enough that like, she's different than me and I can enjoy her company. I spend all day with myself. I want to hang out with someone different and you can't be different if you're if you're all of a sudden trying to make up to a painting that your spouse has in mind for you to match. Like, you can't do that.

Yeah. And that's interesting because I do think it is a maturity in a marriage relationship to like there's a point where we're good people who love each other try to make each other the best that they can be. And so sometimes it takes encouragement and you are trying, like, they're trying to change you. My wife has spent a lot of time trying to change me as she should. There's parts of me that needed to change. And then there are some parts of me that are like, like, at some point, I do you do start to lose you. Like, you're not you anymore. And, like, you could marry yourself back to cheating. Yeah. Yeah. This on on cheating with yourself business. But, like, like, I there is something that says, well, this sounds like super like, elementary schools, embrace your differences.

But like, we're different. Yeah. And is there a way to look and say, are there's a point of there's a place for how do we enrich and improve each other? And there's a place for saying, can we be happy that we are distinct and allow that to influence each other well also? And so I think there's a maturity in that

that is difficult to get to because you never want to feel the sense that hey, man, I'm turning them over into the thing of which they I thought they could be better. But really you're saying, look, I I I'm led they're still them. I I want them to be them. I want to express to them who they are and and find a way to support that while also helping to be the best of them. Right. And and, like, just to tack on to that because this is the downfall of a ton of marriages. Right? Like, you need to give people room to think about themselves because I I can't like, as a spouse, you can't carry their happiness. Right? Like, you just can't. Mhmm. Right? Like, pure joy comes from god, but, like, you're happy, that comes from you. Right? And it and if you sack your spouse with it and go, well, they're not making me happy anymore, that wasn't ever their job. And, frankly, they can't they can't hold it anyway. It's too heavy of a load. Right? And so, like Yeah. It is your job to know you and spend time on you and and and, like, grab some fulfillment of the things that god created you specifically apart from your marriage and your role as a mom and a dad and whatever. Right? God made you unique and special and gifted in ways, and, like, you can't just shove all that to the side and expect to be like a blank person that carries the wills and wants of people right around you. That's not what God made you for. Maybe what what throws this article off for us is I think we all three have wives that are not selfish people. Right. Right. Like, my wife's the opposite of this. I mean, like, she she will do anything for everybody and not even think of herself ever. Yeah. You know, mean, when on her birthday, we went to, like, years ago, we kinda look laugh at this now, to Red Lobster. She hates seafood. It's her birthday. You know? And she's like, what should we do for her birthday? And I I was joking, oh, we're gonna Red Lobster. Just go, okay. And I'm like

and we ended up going there and then like, what? It's your birthday. Right. Right. And

but but that's a pretty good example of just her her personality. So so I'm sure there are people on the other side that will that will go overboard, but but

so that's why I'm I'm pushing back. Guess I just wanna say, haven't seen I haven't experienced that. And I think I think it is it is that like, again, this is this is a right thing to delve into. This is a right caution in your marriage. I think you need to be cautious that you are living a marriage that that does have you thinking of the person that you're married to, serving the person that you're married to. I I just like this shortcoming is something that you mature from. I'm not sure I would put it on the level of, hey. This person was unfaithful to me Yeah. Because they were self centered. Right. It's something to discuss. I feel this one's the least of. The other ones you could talk me into, and, like, I I think they are legit warning signs. I don't know about this one. Yeah. Let's see. Keeping keeping secrets.

When you keep secrets from your husband and don't consult him daily, are creating distance from your husband, which can eventually lead to separation. The secrets always begin small. They may show up in the form of little white lies. You start telling yourself that he doesn't need to know about the flirty text your guy friend sent you. Okay. This is way different. Right. By the way, a man has crossed the boundaries and sent me a flirty text. Yeah. Your husband should know about that. Yeah. Why can't I have a lock on my phone? You wonder. He doesn't need to know my private business and who I've been texting. Despite how good a job you're doing rationalizing or hiding this, it will come back to haunt you. Now I'm gonna say there's probably a difference between

keeping secrets and like, I mean, my wife could go, hey. I I in reality, I texted 38 people today. I'm like, excellent. Keep up the I mean, did did you enjoy it? Like, I don't I don't care. Just you tell them about Jesus. But think about what a healthy relationship like bears looks like. Let's say some rando girl text me this weird flirty thing, and I'm like, sweet Moses. Right? So the first thing I do when I go home, go check this out, woman. Right. What am I supposed to do about this? Yeah. Isn't this awkward? And then she laughs and goes, oh, for heaven's sakes. Right? Like, this is all comedy because she's not threatened by it. Yeah. Right. Right? It happened, but it's not a threat to her. Our marriage is never my friend on Snapchat. Yeah. Like, okay. So that they're gonna have to go. Right? And she's and she would either go, yeah. It's probably time for her to go or now hold on. Why why don't you try responding in this way and make sure it's what you think it is or whatever. You know? It's like, like, just a voice of reason, like, as a friend and as my spouse, like, what do I do about this weirdness? I don't wanna be talking to no flirty one. You know? Right. Right. I I might say something that I don't even realize is either being unnecessarily rude or leading people on. I have no literal idea. You tell me what to say.

Yeah. But, I mean, that this is legit advice. Right? Like, I I honestly don't understand married couples that have locks on their phone. I don't understand people that let kids have locks on their phone. There's just no reason for that. Right? Like, there is no amount of privacy that is necessary, especially on a device, you know, that can be broken, stolen, or whatever. And and one that that especially if you have teenage younger teenage kids. Right? Like, I'm all forgiver allowing your kids to start having things to themselves. You don't have to be all up in their business all the time. Right? But, like, push comes to shove, I should be able to unlock your phone. Right? I really should be able to answer a phone, shut off an alarm that you've ignored or whatever because you don't have anything to hide from me. And the same is true in a marriage as it is with your kids. Like, just do that right if this is you, stop it right now. Both of you set your lock to the exact same thing. Right? You your both of your phones unlocked with the same PIN pad Yeah. And just get it done. Don't be living a life like this. You and so don't be taking your phone with you in the bathroom. Don't be worried about your your spouse is gonna find out something that they shouldn't. Like, live your life honestly for heaven's sakes. It's that's what freedom's about. I mean, how firmly are you saying we can't candy crush in the bathroom, Dan? Is that what you were gonna Don't take it because you you could take it in there to do some games if you want, but don't take it because you're hiding it from your spouse. Let's put it that way. You about lost Dan and I for a minute there. Can you take the VR into the bathroom? What's going on in there?

What if something scares you? You gotta stand up and be like, what's that? I can explain what happened to him. Yeah. Someone did the Rocketman in here. I my clan clashed with someone.

Okay. Let's see. Here we go. Next. Is this the last one? Yeah. Okay. Technology. The heavy use of technology in your marriage can be problematic for a number of reasons. First, it stifles good communication. If you're one of those couples who goes to dinner and you both immediately pull out your phones, you may be more focused on what's going on in the world than what's going on in your marriage.

Infidelity. Secondly, technology is an easy access point to cheating. Social media provides a space for not only public messaging, but also private messaging. So does church. Right. I mean and conversations in the in the grocery store aisle. Yeah. My

husband's not here. I could've sworn I I kind of agreed with one of these when I read it the first time. Let's see. Talk to your spouse and ask him what you're currently doing or what you could potentially doing that would make him feel threatened, disconnected from you, or cheated on. Okay. Yeah. So this is the problem, is this is the same problem with the quote we're gonna talk about. Right? This is why Jesus focuses on the condition of your heart and not so much on your outside actions because your heart will drive outside actions. Right? Can is is is a phone or having social media off the bat a bad thing? It's neither one. It's neither good nor bad. It's innocuous. Like, almost everything that they're talking about is innocuous. Yeah. It really depends on what the intention and the position of your heart is. Right? Could I get a flirty text from someone that I didn't intend? Absolutely, I could. Right? The minute I hide it and keep it secret means it means something to me, and I wanna hide it from my wife. Yeah. My heart's wrong. Right? But the fact that I got the text and I showed my wife and said, what am I do about this weirdo? You know I'm saying? Like, we've we've we've crossed no boundaries that, like, we're introducing a bunch of pharisaical behavior

as if the heart is not what matters. And, like, it's it's why Jesus focuses on it and said, this is what I wanna know if you've thought about killing your brother, now we need to talk about where your heart's at. Right? Not whether you did it or not. That's everything in this list. Your heart it matters where your heart's at. All these things are like, by the time it's gotten to these indications, your heart's already not where it's supposed to be. Right. Right. Alright. Yeah. I yeah. It's it's too bad because, like, actually, I think this this there's some of the conversations that this article starts

are good conversations to have. It's just framed in such like a a Sally, Jesse, Rafael framework that like, I again, I it's easy to dismiss. Oh, I'm not doing that, so I'm not cheating. Like, well, can we start with whether this is healthy or not? Right. Right. What what a miss. Yeah. That's unfortunate. Alright. Are there any ads for divorce lawyers in that ad? Actually, the next article was seven ways to recover from infidelity. Oh.

Number one, drop your friends. Number two, get rid of yourself. You're a risk to everyone. Don't be in the loom or a room alone with yourself and certainly don't have lunch by yourself. Okay. Mike, do you have the quote? Sorry. It keeps disappearing. Yeah. Okay. Hey. So so I'll tell you what something funny happened to me this week. I was I was at a coffee shop. Me and Bouba were actually working out there and

I'd ordered so at the coffee shop, like, you get unlimited coffee refills, but like, I don't know. I was most of way through the day and I wanted to get something something a little bit more delicious. And so I go up to the I go up to the counter and I order it's called a cafe Borgia and it's it's it's chocolate. It's like a mocha really. So coffee and chocolate. And then there's like orange zest in it.

And it felt I ordered it one time, like 10 ago and it felt super exotic. I'm like, I'm gonna be a Borgia man and hot hot dog. It was it was pretty good. Anyway, so I ordered the thing and the the the lady that's behind the counter makes it up or whatever. And I ordered a medium and she had baited a large, and then she pushes it over to me and then she she winks and goes on the house. And I thought, what? Like, oh, well, thank you very much. And then she she she crossed herself. Like like, what, you know, forehead,

whatever. Does the cross Sign of the cross. Yeah. And it really weirded me out, I'll be honest. I I did not know what to do. I don't like, it felt like she was, I don't know, blessing it. I it was odd. So So I go back to my I go back to the booth and same girl shows up. Well, she was she would be a younger woman, so probably, you know, 28, 30, something like that. Comes to the booth and has written on, a napkin, and it just said, like, I won't I won't tell anyone, but I'm excited that you're here. And I'm like, what in the this is weirding me out. It's one of those conversations where I thought I need to go tell my wife or whatever. Like, I thought I don't I'm gonna hold on. I'm gonna take a picture of it right now. And then I'm gonna text it to her. And I said, this just happened. I I don't know how to explain it. And so, anyway,

boo was there, he sees it, and he starts he's like, I don't what the heck is going on over there? I said, I don't know. I don't know, man. Go sort this out for me because boo boo feel like boo boo could do this. I wouldn't even know what to say. And so he goes and starts talking to this girl. He comes back, and he gets to the table, he goes, hey. She thinks you're the pope. I I said I said, what? He goes, I don't know how she got under the impression, but this girl

thinks that you're the pope. And so I said, well, how do I stop this madness? Like, I like this free cafe bourgeois. I mean, that's fantastic, but that crossing thing really weirded me out. And I don't know how to explain this napkin. And so he goes, you gotta give you gotta give some advice like the Pope would do. So like, distracts attention. Just act like you're the Pope, give the Pope style advice that would benefit for you and for everybody in this coffee shop. And then we're going to drive away and hope this woman is just not here the next day.

I said, okay, okay, that's fine. And so I thought about it for a minute and I prayed and this is what I said. I looked at the crowd and I said, I have the solution to all your money problems.

Every financial savings problem, money problem that you budgeting problem that you've ever had,

I have the solution to it. And every it was it was all ears. And I said, it's not it's not a better budgeting program. It's not a a firm, harsh, like hard commitment between you and your spouse to save. You don't have to save more. You don't have to invest wisely. None of that. I said that the key to all your money problems

is contentment. And the reason I said that is because I was talking with my oldest daughter, who's going, she's taking some classes. And one of the classes is like a personal finance class. That's kind of what it's focusing on. Good things like, hey,

should save some of the money and here's the budgeting tools. Here's how you should think about your money. Here's ways to otherwise invest your money for financial freedom later on in life. Even some of the Dave Ramsey type of stuff.

And I was thinking about it and like, I have a hard time with some of that stuff because like a lot of it seems really self serving. Like it's very self focused. It's like even Dave Ramsey, and like, I'm sure it's done great things for people. And and this is gonna sound like, hey, I'm a guy who doesn't follow it, so maybe I'm just jelly of what you're doing. But like a lot of it is, you know, live differently now so that you can live like nobody else kinda later on. But like, like, there's so much life that it feels like you miss out on doing some of that stuff and so much generosity.

Like, even even how generous you are gets really it gets it gets budgeted, like, budgeted very, very clearly. And, like, there's probably wisdom to that, but it just it just feels like, like how many years am I gonna burn missing out on moments and

conversations and the ability to just be stupid generous because I'm plotting for a more secure,

financially secure life about fifteen years from now. And I know it's not that simple. Okay. I know, but like, that's one of the things that we were talking about. And so I was trying to figure out then, like, for a guy who, you know, rudimentally manages my money, what is my advice to my kid? Because like, if it's not that, is it just, okay, you don't need to budget. Okay. No. You you don't spend wildly or or like, what's my actual recommendation?

And I think what it came to is, again, thinking back of biblical prudence and wisdom, it's a call to contentment because if you were content

with your own circumstances, if you look, if you appreciate what you have and don't have a burning desire to always get more and get better, then you don't have to actually be so strict with your budget because you're not gonna spend it anyway because you were content.

And so like, like my I was thinking back at my if I look at at, in what ways have I misused my money? It's chasing things. It's going, I want the nicer this. I want the better that. I want the newer. I want as opposed to being able to look around and going like, this thing is just fine. I'm content with that. In fact, I had this this has happened to with with me and my old kid. I'm a I have a gas station problem.

Always have. And so I go in there. I'm like, I'm gonna grab something. And I look at her I look at her and go, do you want anything? And she'll go, no. And my wife will do the same thing. I'm like, what what? Why not? How could all of this? It's like, like, wait. There's a wait. There's a thousand things in here. You look at this whole store and go, no. I don't want anything. And they've taken up to going, you know, I'll take a cup of ice. And I thought, boy, would my life be easier

if all I wanted was a cup of ice? Or if I could just drive by the gas station and go, do you want anything? No. That my problem, like, is not that I don't have the money or that I couldn't wouldn't have it to give or or investor, all these things.

It's a lack of contentment. And actually, if you think about the way that the like, the scripture doesn't sit and talk to you about budgeting, but it does speak like Paul talks about this in multiple letters. It happens in first Corinthians. It happens in first Timothy. Like, he's talking about being content.

And if you are content, I just, I don't think you're gonna have to worry about your budget. If you can look around and say, I'm satisfied with what I have, you're not gonna have to worry about whether you're stashing enough away or whether you have it to invest or whether you have it to give. And so that's my Pope style advice. It applies to me. It's the advice that gave my oldest daughter and the fake Pope advice to the rest of the world is that like, if you traditionally just suck at budgeting and you're like, I can't, a you fight over it in your marriage,

it's just money is a big problem. Stop trying to fight the money battle and pray that you can be content. And once you're content, I think your money stuff will start to sort itself out. That's my pope style advice. Get off get off my coffee shop. Yeah. I think there's lot of wisdom in that.

You think peep why? Okay. So, like, if people say, I wanna be content, but I'm not, how do you I mean, how do you make that happen? Well so multiple things, really.

One, I think it's something to prey on because it's an earthly pull. It's a physical because think of that even coming off that Charlie and Chocolate Factory cheating document we just read. But like, that's the pull too. I'm not satisfied in my marriage.

I'm not content here. And so I'm going to find something that I think is going to make it better. And so like, some of it is so I think it's a spiritual problem to start. I think it is a prayer thing. Like, why what am I always chasing? And again, I'm not against

the the random gas station visit. I'm not against, like, getting the the the the slightly better TV or whatever it is. Like, okay. I mean, I think there's bounds to it, but like, if if if you're going if you're going to paycheck to paycheck and you and you doesn't feel like it should have to be that way, I'd start with contentment before I'd start with your budget because your money's going to some place at which you don't feel content.

And it could be like, you know, the car the the the truck that I drive is whatever, 14 years old. And, like, all I mean, everyone you know, someone drives by in a nice looking truck or something, I'll be like, man, I really wish. I think I need that truck. I don't need that truck. Hey. My mine's got, like, the got the I have have six people in my family. We can all fit in that truck, but, it's a real pain in the teeth. It's not the crew cab, right, the way they get its own door. It's got, like, a half door. So anytime any of these kids wanna gets out the backseat, I gotta open my door, and you can't get you can't get groceries in this stupid thing because you gotta open up your door and then open up the side door and you're, like, caught. It feels ridiculous. But, like,

is all that mean I would need to put up another, what, $40 or whatever people are you do and like I was saying, like, there's there's space to be like, look. I just gotta get a new truck. I'm okay with that. But, like, this for me, I that's a contentment problem. The thing gets around. It's it's it's my whole family fits in it. Like, I there's a contentment problem. Well and, actually, it's it's a pretty simple exercise is look back on your first x number of years of your life and go, well, how did it ever work? Right? The thing that I bought that I thought was gonna bring me contentment, did it work? I mean, I'm pumped about it for, like, a week, a month, or whatever, but, like, did it actually provide long term contentment? It did not. No. Well, you know, I always think about this when it comes to tools. So I had I had a bunch of hand me down DEWALT tools for Mike. Mike had been upgrading his tools or whatever, and or he has extra, like, drills and stuff lying around. And, like, I don't know. I was using it one time, and I and I thought to myself, I gotta get I mean, they're making newer and better. I gotta upgrade. I've got work to do. You know? I gotta get I'm gonna get some new some new tools. And I went and I I did. I went and bought some. And then I thought back and I thought this thing that I was screwing this screw in with not not four hours ago

was like whiz bang, what, six years ago? Yeah. Some guy bought it, got it fresh off the line and goes, holy crap. I got the brand new spanking thing. And are you telling me that within six years, the thing that was like like, spank your leg awesome is is keeping me from doing productive work? Yeah. Come on. I mean, maybe it needs a new battery or something, but, like, how easy it is or or, like, the TV at my house

is 41 inches. It's one of those deals where, like, it would cost another $200 for the 42 inch TV, but on a Black Friday, Target gonna sell you one for 200 less for one less inch. And you're like, I'll take it. And so I got this thing. And then every year at the Black Friday or the Amazon days, there's some kinda, like, I mean, giant 2,000 inch TV for $285,

and you're like, well, hot day. I can I can take that right use that? It's not and it's and it's reasonably priced. Like, ten years ago, I would have paid $2,500 for that. And so but, like, is my TV letting me down? Like, can't I see the things that are have I ever gone? You know, I can't take it all in,

but I'm not content. And so so sorry. I get getting back to answer your question. One, I think it is a spiritual thing. I think asking God, like, need help being content with the things that are going on, being content in my marriage, being content on how much time I have in a day, being content with the things that I have, being content with the money I make, being able to thrive in the job that I have. Can we start there? There is, I think a bit of an affirmation type of thing to remind you yourself of like, this was good yesterday.

Like recognize when it's pecking at you. Like there's a, there was a, there was something else going on. Oh, go coffee. Like, so like I drink the type of coffee drink. Like, I'm not, I'm not particularly tempted that by this. I'm not tempted by like better coffees.

I can't tell the difference. Thank you very much, Lord. Like, I just don't, I don't know the difference, but like I get a I'll say, man. I would like to go to the Starbucks today. Why? Like, I have coffee at my house. What is what is the thing? I don't even like it. It doesn't even make much of a difference. I like holding the cup. I like going in the the thing. And, like, again, I'm okay with small things. Like, I think I gotta be careful with this because, like, it was one of those things that that I do think you can you can you can work your way out of small moments in a life. Like, I'd pay I pay for I pay for coffee any day of the week when it comes to me sitting across from somebody because you know what's awkward? Hey. I'll meet you for coffee. And some guy goes, oh, I refuse to drink anything. I'm on a budget. I mean, okay. I don't care if you don't drink coffee and maybe you love water and that's also okay. But, like,

it just it's not the same moment. Did you you know? And it's not the same, like, hey, man. We're all going out to the rib shack after the after the football game, and, like, you're the guy going, I'm saving up to live like no one else. Like, I mean, okay. But, like, you you there's something communal about things like that that I I just I'm not sure. I'm not sure it's worth it. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, sorry. So I think I think it's a prayer thing. I think there's a reminder thing. Like, you have to be able to remind yourself and do things that, like, trigger you, intentionally trigger you that like, hey, you're satisfied with this. Look around. What are you thankful for? When you can pray thankfully and speak to people and talk about as a family, hey, I'm thankful for the house that we have. Yeah. I'm thinking it's the pipes are leaking, but we got two bathrooms. Thankful.

Right? Like when you affirm those types of things and reminded of that, I think it causes you to not be as discontented and having people remind you that you should be thankful. Like you get caught up, but this is where people start talking to other spouses and goes, dude, your wife is awesome. What is the matter with you? Like, what are you what what are you forgetting? What what are the 50,000 things that you forgot about your spouse today that you spent an extra two minutes thinking about this person over here? Yeah. Right. You would have to take a lot for granted to get to the spot that you got to. Yeah. So so and so maybe it even extends extends beyond budgets. It it extends to, like, your relationships and all kinds of things, and it it doesn't mean settle for for junk, but, like, that isn't really what we're talking about. I I I just I just think we we lack contentment. And again, Paul thought this was a big thing, like not feeling like you're having to chase worldly

other things and other, whatever tinglers that you got in there, work to make the things, get the most value out of the things that you have, work and cultivate the relationships that you have. Even think about it. Like people go, you go shopping for churches. Like you got discontent because what? Like the music that you love two weeks ago suddenly is real problematic for you. Like, I I just I yeah. I so I I I'm seeing it for me and I think it's true. And I I just you can you can attack the problem from the other direction and go, I'm gonna get a good budget. I'm gonna get a journal that that that me and my wife worked through because we got all these problems, but I'm telling you the pressure on you is discontentment. And like all the tools in the world are not gonna chase that discontentment away. All the programs aren't gonna change that discontentment away. If you can get rid of the discontentment, you're gonna be flourishing with time and dollars, and then then you're gonna have all kinds of really good problems. Like, what do we do with all this? So anyway, Pope style advice.

Yeah. I like it. K. What's the quote, Mike? No. I got rid of it already. Okay. Hold on. Okay. Wait. Again? Yeah. Sorry. It it it keeps going away. Did I lose it completely? Yeah. It's gone. Okay. Let's save it for next week. Let's do some let's do some advice. I gotta be honest. It was dumb anyway. Okay. We got we got past Point was is, like, if if someone says, what would the the the main budget of the quote was is, like, it doesn't matter what your intent was if you caused harm. And I I I really, just to wrap it up before people just get taken away with it on social media is, like, it it does matter what your intent was. Yeah. And, like, people who

people gauge harm based on how they feel about something at the moment. And so, like, we name one time like, you guys ever watched that intervention show on TV like, people wanna get in a room with every with, like, the guy and be like, hey, man. You got a problem. Take one person that's like, oh, I thank you for loving me so much. I'm so glad we did this. No one reacts that way. Right. Right. Everyone's like, you're what are you doing? Everyone's attacking me. I feel attacked, and I feel like everyone's coming after me. It's like, yeah. Are you doing me harm? As far as that guy thinks, but, like, they're trying to keep you from killing yourself. You know? And so, like, really, I I don't think you get to gauge harm by how it's taken in.

Like, this is where we get to rely heavily on Jesus. It's like we get to say, God gets to call balls and strikes on what is actually good for people. I've said some very harsh things

that were very true and needed to be said to people that did not take them very well. Yeah. Right? Now I'm not saying that, like, you can't just wonton go out. The adage is true that we talk about where, like, Jesus always delivers things with truth and love, and you have to have both in whatever measure God's sending it out. You can't have one without the other if you want to represent Jesus at all. But just because someone did not receive it well does not necessarily mean that you did not deliver what you were supposed to deliver. Right. People don't take bad news very well. Yeah. Yeah. That's true. That's true. Which I but right. It's just it that is not the evaluator. The the the next level evaluation is whether it's accurate. Are you saying to something to me that is true? Like, you can be guilty of the other thing. You can have you can intend to say something that you believe is helpful and be wrong and cause harm, and you should repent of that directly. Yeah. Definitely. But like, you could also say something that is very true that people take poorly

that needed to be said and is ultimately for the Like, because the measure of harm Actually, that's the problem. It's time. The measure of harm cannot be, how did this affect me in the next two minutes? That isn't how it works. So like, am I offended right now? Is not the same thing as, was this a true thing? Did it impact my life in the way that it should? Did I take it to heart and did something change? And ultimately it caused me benefit. So we're trying to render too quick of a judgment as if our ability to say whether something is good for us can all be assessed at one time. Like life is way too more complex than that. Like oftentimes harsh things that people say to me have some bit of reality to them of which I might be able to reject a good 70% and they could have even intended me harm.

And I should still look at it and go, yeah, but there's like 30% truth to that. I could probably, I should probably take I could retool. I totally get it. Yeah. Yeah. So it's just it's if if the your feelings are too are too short. Like, they give no they give nothing any space to to steep. Yeah. That's correct. Your gut reaction of what harm is does not work. In fact, your gut reaction, you know better than this. Right? Like, name the last time someone said something that was very true and very impactful, and you took it well. You immediately try to defend yourself or immediately try to discredit the person that was saying this thing about you. Right? And then given some space and some time and some reflection, you're like, dang it. Every bit of that was true. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? In some type of rebellion against God, you know, you're you're fooling yourself usually. I mean, sometimes it's alright, but usually you're fooling yourself. So, yeah, someone calls you on the carpet on it, your first reaction is gonna be to push back. That's right. Yeah. It's it's not gonna be like, oh, you're absolutely right. Yes. Yeah. You're you're yeah. I'm in. I'm out I'm out of that. Yeah. Yeah. You have to let it soak in and and and and let let the holy spirit do its job and let let the word of god do its job before you react and and say, yeah. Okay. It's time for some change. Yeah. And some people never do change, but but you still gotta have the conversation. Yeah. Agreed. You know? You gotta let least let them know truthfully, this will harm you.

Yep. You know? And the and thing, you know, what's interesting is like some of y'all gonna be hearing this and go, yeah, but I have a really good gut instinct. And let me tell you this, every mistake you've ever made is based upon that gut instinct. Yeah. Again, go back to your donut. Every time, like, I know I shouldn't have a second donut, but then my gut goes, and not just belly gut, but my gut goes, go ahead and do that. And I did it. Right? And so, like, what usually goes once my gut instinct is, that's actually actually if you pondered for, like, a second or two. Most of the time, the thing that's in your gut, the thing you react to, like, every mistake you made made it past that instinct, friend. That true? It let you down. Yeah. Okay. Here we go. Dear life from the path. My husband and I attended a party at the home of one of my coworkers.

There were about 15 guests. The problem was the homeowner's pets, two dogs that live inside. Mhmm. The dogs were allowed to roam freely during the party. They barked each time a guest knocked or rang the doorbell and jumped up on each person who entered. They hovered at people's feet waiting for food to drop or to be given to them. It felt like we were expected to pet the animals and interact with them whether we wanted to or not. The homeowner made no attempt to control the dogs to keep them away from any other guests. I don't dislike animals, but I don't want other people's pets jumping on my clothes, trying to lick me, or getting close to my food. Two large wire kennels were visible along a front hallway, which I assume are used during the day when the homeowner homeowner's away at work. What would have been the polite way to ask my coworker to put the dogs in their kennels or out in the garage while the guests were eating? Okay. I got this problem. I totally like, I have two dogs that, like, we, I mean, they roam around and and, like, get to do whatever they want. If people stop by unexpectedly,

I will do my best to try to get these fools put away, but, like, you showed up unexpectedly. Like, this is what my house looks like when I don't expect you to be here. Right? But on the other hand, when you throw in a party and you know people are are coming over, that slobber bomb I own and that one that can't keep itself from causing you trouble, they go in their kennel half hour before anybody's supposed to be there. Mhmm. Because that's just regular living. You know, no one wants to no one wants to take responsibility

for your animals. Even when they're like, hey. Can we go visit your dogs? No. Why don't you leave them alone? They're in their jail right now. Because when you bust them out, they act like convicts. That's why they're in the jail. And so, like, the question is is what would have been the polite way to ask my coworker to put the dogs in their kennels? I don't do you feel like it's out of bounds for someone to say, hey, man. These dogs are gonna be roaming about all night. They should go in their bed. I don't know. I mean, they're they're you're a guest at someone else's home.

I would say I agree. They they made it as pet owners made maybe a poor choice. They should have put those dogs away, but they didn't. So if you're a guest in someone's home and their dog is out and you don't like the dogs, they really you're the one who should leave. Mhmm. Just say, hey. Yeah. Thanks for the party. It was great. I got stuff going on. Gotta go. You know? Don't ever reveal the fact that the dogs are the linchpin of this deal? I mean, if you want, but I don't know if it matters. I mean, to to some people, their their pets are are full fledged family members, and the last thing they would do is lock those puppies up.

If one of your kids were begging at the feet of the of the people for food, would do you think they would mention it? Yeah. But I can't man, your kid your kid expects me to scratch his head. It really I guess she did say that, like, there it's the coworkers. Right? So it really depends on how close you are. Like, obviously, like, I would go over to Ben's house and go and say, hey, man. Will you put these dogs away? Right. They're tearing the place up. They're causing a rucks. Yeah. I think I might mention it on the off chance, and I think this is small, but on the chance that it's just it feels real normal to the homeowner,

and so they don't even notice, I might go like, hey, man. Your dogs are friendly. Like, they're they're pretty excited and friendly. And, like, maybe that triggers and something like, oh, wow. I didn't even think about it. Yeah. Didn't even register. Yeah. Yeah. I probably wouldn't press it beyond that. I'd probably just be like, okay. Well, I mean, I the it'll the clothes will wash. And if they're not, like, snagging like, if they're hanging around like, I mean, that's what I would do if I were the dog. What if they're like what? So I have a big problem with this because we have a big bloodhounded. One, she slobbers horribly all over people right on their pants. And then, like, when she goes to say hello, she gets you right in the mommy daddy button. Oh, yeah. That's where she sticks her nose. Bink. And, like, it's really rude. And so, like,

would you let that pass and go, well, I mean, it's just the way the dog is. I actually, that is what I thought because your dog has done that to me. I don't I don't think like, I didn't think you said, like Mike trained a dog. Hey, Lou. Go for the crotch. Like, I just I just presumed the dog is being a dog. Dog being a dog. Yeah. It's awkward. They they do that at the dog park too. Hey. Nice butt. Yeah. Right. Sniff. Sniff. Sniff. A dirty trucker dog. Hey. You got a nice rear dog in. Yeah. Like, it's never occurred to me to blame

I don't particularly blame the owner. I'm just like, well, I mean, it's the dog. If the dog kinda does what it wants to do. I mean, I think you're right. I think it it it's it's inconsiderate. Like, you should think about your your guests. And and, frankly, for the dogs, best is to not put them in the middle of that stuff. But I I'm with Dan. To the extent that it didn't happen, I think you go with the with the, the hail Mary be like, man, your dog's excited. But past that, I think you just let it go. Yeah. And leave early if you're if it's that big of a deal. It's really upsetting you. Yeah. K. Secular says, to an animal lover, a pet is a member of the family. Your coworker obviously saw nothing wrong with his or her dogs mingling with the guests. There's no polite way to ask a host to put a family member in the garage during a party. Hey, man. Your uncle's gotta go.

You gotta you gotta pin that dude up. Telling your coworker that you found the pet's behavior disruptive may solve your problem because he or she will probably omit you from the future great guest list. Okay. You're not wrong. So I'm really you're saying, look. If they're fickle enough, if you bring it up, they might just not invite you anyway, so no problem. Yeah. Yeah. Either way, I mean, if it I guess that's the thing. The level of

impact you believe this has to you will drive the level of consequence. If you're not sure that it's a big deal, but you think they might fix it, then be casual about it. If you wanna draw a mess because you think you're really put out, I mean, be prepared to be put out. Okay. Last one. Ready? Yep. Holy cow. It's a bit of a novel. I'll go fast. Okay. Dear life from the pave. Yep. I was in a relationship that abruptly ended because he cheated. We didn't have kids, so I moved in with my parents until I was able to get back on my feet and eventually moved out. Because I couldn't afford a place on my own, I asked several friends about rooming together, including a close coworker friend who was there for me throughout my separation.

At the time, she said no. Then she got another job, made better money, and seven months later messaged me asking if I was still looking for a roommate. Mhmm. I said, sure. She has a nine year old daughter, which I was cool with because it would just be us girls. We went apartment hunting, finally chose a place, and signed a one year lease. My friend mentioned to me that she had started, quotes, talking to her ex, the father of her daughter, but I didn't know it was a full blown relationship when I moved in. He has been here since day one and spends the night. They have little family dinners and get togethers at the apartment. I told her a month later that I noticed he stayed over a lot, and if this was going to continue, I was going to move out because this is not what I signed up for. She apologized and said she would talk to him. But we are eight months in now, and he's still here every day. There are days I just leave the apartment, go to my mom's house, or to my boyfriend's house because he is there. Why I'm stuck paying half the rent? Should I stick it out for the remainder of the lease, talk to her again, and have my pay a portion of my rent, or just move out? Yeah. I mean,

I I would just move out. Yeah. Yeah. If you can make that work and not have to pay for it. I mean, you only got four months, so it's not like a big.

I never thought to think of the apartment as a commodity that having a brand new dude sleep over, you're like, hey, man. I pay for that. Like, if he's if he's sleeping in the other room with your roommate, right, but you're like, the air that exists in here, the fact that this house this apartment even is here to be slept in,

I pay for half of that responsibility. So if you're gonna be coming over here, you're gonna be paying the rent. Yeah. I mean, the question would be, would the roommate think of it the other way? If she had a boyfriend or a husband come in and live there Right? I could jam as much as I want to in my half as I as I can. I pay for half of this. If I wanted to put in two koalas and three dudes, it's fine. Yeah. I mean, I think it's okay to say, like, part of what you're paying for is an understanding of a situation. If I moved if I moved in to a to a house with with you two fellas and then all of a sudden, like, one of you guy goes, hey. I picked up another roommate. Here's

He's paying half my rent. He's gonna stay in my room. Yeah. Or or if it's like a girl or something. And, like, I I, like, I there's a difference between saying I'm I live with a bunch of dudes, and then now my house is shared by a woman who, like, I don't know or something. Like, that's a change in situation. I think it's okay to have a preference that says, look. That's not what I was looking for. Yeah. I think that's fine. That's fair.

Yeah. I I mean, if you've community now if you communicated that to her, and I don't think she's gonna boot the guy, it does I mean, it just doesn't sound like it. Yeah. So, I mean, whatever. Let him take over your rent or something. That seems this this seems like it's not shouldn't be much of a problem. Maybe they're just trying to edge you out. Yeah. Just leave. You both you both want the same thing. You're the third wheel in this deal. Yeah. I mean, there's pretty much a nuclear family living there having special dinners together, and you're like the third weird wheel, and you've gotta hang out in your bedroom. How awkward would a beady come trolling through the living room Why they're watching Toy Story two as a a mom, a dad, and a and a kid, and here you are, like, in your Grundies rolling in to get broccoli. Yeah. Like, I don't know, man. You you should get out of there. Yeah. Okay. I think it's fine to leave directly. Segular says, the time to have insisted the boyfriend pay a portion of the rent was seven months ago when it became plain he was part of a package deal. Not only should he pay up, he should do it in arrears. What's that mean? I mean, to Go back. Yeah. Go back. But, like, to what value? I you've already lived it. Yeah. I didn't know. This is no reason for that. Just being a jerk. Yeah. If you can't move out with a penalty, then you will have to wait until your lease runs out. Sorry.

I've never heard of the word arrears, a r r e a r s. Oh, yeah. I mean, it's a pretty common word, Mike. Stop that. Yeah. I've never heard that before. All the time over here. Yeah. I'm fairly educated, at least small months. I have been in arrears.

I've never heard anybody use that phrase before. Yeah. It's, yeah, it's a pretty common phrase. Okay. Anyway, you've listened to live from the pathonlifeforthepath.org. Live streaming on all social media platforms. Right, Ben? I mean, we're no. We're not really live streaming on all social media platforms. Dang. We're bouncing off every Musk satellite out there. All you gotta do is just look us up. You can catch us on the Instagram and the YouTube and the Facebook,

and that's probably about it. And any podcast type app applications. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We're definitely hanging out with the podcast where your favorite podcast is sold. Let's say you've got a complaint for the for the show today. You thought we gave some bad advice. We under under

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of any kind as the comment would be just fine. Yeah. Yeah. That's right. Yeah. That's not a book. Like, you don't have to write chapter two. Just be like, I think this is good, or this was alright. Yeah. I did. Fine. And to follow the theme of that quote earlier, as long as your intentions are good, that's all we care. Yeah. That's all that matters, really. Unless you cause me harm. Yeah. Then then I will call. And then we're against it. Alright. Hey. We do appreciate you guys hanging out with us on live from the path. Definitely give us some feedback on the show if you have it. Otherwise, we'll plan on being back here next week. In the meantime, be faithful in the means. God will handle the ends. You've been listening to live from the path.