So I didn't I'm gonna scream into the microphone. Can we just is is the streaming the problem? Like, has that become the issue again? Is streaming on YouTube live? I I'm not I'm not doing it this week. K. It says, y'all fired it.

Hey, man. The fan will let me make a potato Live in the Pathway Studios. John Street proper. Meet you record You all. Asking Live on the path. Tell me. Therefore, it's better. Just tell me what it should be. Let's do it. Is it alright?

And you're listening to live from the Path coming from the Pathway Studios in Johnston proper. You're in the room. I'm Denny. Okay. No. Dan's gonna Come on, man. What? Dan wasn't ready. You screamed. I did the Howard Dean.

Yeah. Man, I was jazzed up for this roll call thing. I I don't know who I am. Who calls himself Diddy? That's stupid. Carmen. Who Man, I came up with Buva, apparently. I came up with Diddy. Okay. But, Dan, if you had to choose a nickname to go by on the radio the ship has sailed. But if you had one, what would you use? I'm gonna I'm gonna be z. Just z? You

identify as a letter now? What is happening? I I figured I fit better better pick a letter. You're doctor Foster. Yeah. Oh, that's uptown, dad. Yes. Yeah. It's it's in the beginning, it's You know? He's doctor Foster. Velvet crush. Yeah. Okay. The okay. Here's the deal. Velvet crush? I love the velvet crush. I also think I I'm willing to split the difference and and go with doctor z. Does that work? Splitting the difference. Does that work, Dan? Doctor z? Doctor z. Yeah. But you gotta come up with some weird new age thing that you're always, like, peddling to us Oh, dear. If you're gonna be a doctor z. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's definitely a guy that's like, have you guys tried, you know,

sunning? I need to do the cannabis oil. Yeah. Yeah. I bought I bought nearly as new age as you think it is. For doctor z, it is. You can get that at Hy Vee. Except for he bought 30 gallons from alibaba.com. This is the new age snake oil. Yeah. Found a miracle drug, ibuprofen. This is new thing. Stuff is true. Apparently, it's got some rough stuff for your stomach. It got me off the cocaine.

You're listening. This is a Jesus oriented show. You're listening to life from the past. Talking about cannabinoids and cocaine. Doctor z had a past. Here's what we got going on the show this week. So first of all, I wanna apologize. In case you listened to last week's show, I didn't publish the podcast, but the YouTube the video's been out there. It just turns to garbage around, like, thirty five minutes or so, at least the audio Like, of it. That's usual. Yeah. Yeah. So I have to

Doctor z. Doctor doctor z doesn't advertise. Okay. Here's the deal. Mike, you gotta tell me you're gonna be keep making that Howard Dean noise. Tough bit. Bubba did it. I just did it the one time. Here's I just the the the the channels are not compressed enough to handle Howard Dean. Yeah. Uh-huh. Alright. Is that better? Anyway, so I I just I need to rescue the first thirty minutes or so. There was an interesting story about a feller who who thought he was gonna become a lady and then remained a feller because he met Jesus. And so that one was pretty pretty interesting.

But, anyway, I'm I'm otherwise, you're gonna lose the rest of that show. So if you really dug on it, need to listen to it quickly. Mhmm. Otherwise, we're gonna cut it off. Alright. Here we got going on the show tonight. Mike, I I think this circles back to a topic we'd been discussing within the last few months, which is like, hey, man. Just go about your business and love Jesus, and people will come to know him. But it's but it sounds like, are you pondering the question? Yeah. But does that work? I think that is the question. Yeah. Like, if I can look over the dudes in this room, minus Dan whose sole job

is to, like, pastor church and bring people in here. But, like like, if you were out in your day to days, like, just loving people the way Jesus did, like, is it actually working? Like, I it's easier for me to take this tact, like, like, when you're reaching out to let's say that, like, you have a homeless outreach ministry or, like,

an NA or an AA, you know, alcohol synonymous or something. Right? Like, or youth group or something that's very pointed and, like, have a meeting and you're like, yes. This is what I'm going to do. But, like, just in your regular day affairs, like, when you go to work, when you go to the store, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Like, can you look back on the last twenty years of your life and go, yeah. Actually, this is this is working. People are coming to Jesus based upon Just based on me loving them the way Jesus would love them. Okay. Okay. So that's the question. I'm not I I don't have a dog in the race either way to say yes or no. Maybe it is truly working, and and and we should go forth. But, like, it does if it's not working, it seems lazy. Yeah.

Doctor z says, yeah. Yeah. I I think it works really well at making Christians feel good about themselves. Yeah. I'm doing my job. I'm loving people,

and I have to do the other half of my job. As as does the phrase, will some people plant seeds? Right. Yeah. Actually, I really struggle with that sometimes. Like, because it's the thing. Not everyone I've ever met is a seed thrower. Right? They're like, hey, man. Someone does the seed, and someone does the water, and blah blah blah. And I'm like, who who does the water? Like, does anyone show up with the water? Everyone's content to, like, blindly throw out kernels from the back of a grain wagon, and they're like, no one's got a water truck anywhere. And no one's got the sickle. No one no one's harvesting. No one's harvesting. I don't wanna get offensive. And so, like, it's yeah. I it's

Hey. I like I like dance. When the lord says, hey. The the the the harvest is plentiful. The workers are few. To see Jesus. You might as well get to know him first. I think so here here's where I actually think I land on it because I'm I'm I'm a little over my head because I think there is a time

for throwing seeds, and I think there is a time for, like, introducing people to what God's love looks like. And God's love does look like love and truth both. Right? It definitely has to look like that. And I think in your individual situations and your relationships that, like, I think the holy spirit will guide you to the time when it's, you know, it's it's time to start start getting off of milk and starting to introduce some some some meat into the conversation. You know? But I I I do feel like people are just content with serving milk. Right, where we're like, we're just gonna buy more milk, and we'll just keep having it. And, like, we're you can watch the people around you, like, get closer and closer to meet Jesus as they're continuing to drink milk and not know any different. Well and also, we have a tendency to love on our own terms.

Like, hey. I'm gonna give you milk. And they're like, I don't I'm really need water. Mhmm. You know? I mean, here, it looks hot, and we're gonna give you a water bottle. Now I've loved you in Jesus' name. And it's like, maybe Oh. You know? That's a great example, Dan. That's a great thing to say as a matter of fact. Like, we tend to live on our terms. Like, we define what it looks like to love somebody and then feel good about ourselves for having met that without asking or recognizing one, what does it mean to love someone? How would they feel loved?

And two, loving them in such a way as which it would demonstrate God's love to I went to the gay parade and I handed out water bottles. Did you sit down and talk to anyone and say, Hey, what's going on in your life? You know? Right. Yeah. You know, the thing is is you reach for some examples of of Jesus, you know, and and how to act in some of these situations, and, like, some of them are just not so pointed. Like,

I it's hard to find in scripture where Jesus, like, counseled somebody through, like, a a an event. Yeah. Jesus cheats. Now listen here. Jesus Jesus cheats. I'm I'm just saying. T shirt. So, like, Jesus does cheat because, like, the people are upset that that the mom's upset that the son died. And as opposed to, like, oh, let me console you, he's like, yeah. He just raises him from the dead. Let's wait four days. Right.

And so, like, how would your counseling look different? Like, if you were trying to talk to somebody through the love of Christ and being honest with them, how does your conversation with the woman at the well look different? Like, I don't know all this cool background stuff that Jesus knows Yeah. For, like, instill conviction. You know? And and to be wowed by the by the son of man who is now here, I'm like, what are you doing out the well by yourself? And every time we go to funerals, should we be giving that a shot? Like,

every time go Everybody leave the room. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, hold up. Don't worry. I understand what's happening here, but let me let me give it a shot. Pretty sure they're sleeping. Yeah. Yeah. Has anyone thought they might be asleep? Has there been people praying for that before, though? Oh, yeah. Totally. In in funerals? I I bet I've been there sitting in the little preacher chair going, god, this this be just resurrection. Yeah. Yeah. That'd be awesome. Let's do it. Hey, man. I don't I appreciate that thought,

but I also would not wanna be there for that. I also pray that it not be a freaky thing. I feel like people aren't gonna be like, oh, man. That was a Jesus move. Someone's gonna be like, there is there is some kind of devil in this room Yeah. And a demon has brought a body to looking out at that pain and that hurt, and you're just like Yeah. Of course. Just bring back their loved one. Mhmm. Hey, man. That's the same way I look at, like, healings. Yeah. It's like when I know somebody's really hurting and, like, has been dealing with a thing for a long time, not to, like, totally derail this point. I've totally wanted to be like, I really not for my own glory. For twenty years ago or ten years ago, death would have been my glory. Yeah. I'm old enough now where I'm like, I don't care. I don't want anybody to know who I am. But, Jesus, if you wanna show up right now and this just be like, put hands down Yeah. And it just it just freaking happens. I've walked by How hospital room. She kinda whispered a little and like, okay. Right. Them right there. Like, I'd love to go to the hospital. Even know I walked by. Hospital and just walk through and be like, god. You are completely in control here. And this is not outside of the realm of possibility because there's nothing you can't do. Yeah. Yeah. If it is in your will, make this happen. Mhmm. Mhmm. Maybe I should just go do that anyway, but still So so the question is is, like, you can't really

we always say you got you all gotta love like Jesus. Right? Right. Yeah. But you can't you can't really do that. Yeah. Let's just be honest with ourselves. Cheats. You cannot do that. Right? And so He does cheat. Like, we're just in we're in a different position, right, than, obviously, the the god of the universe. I mean, we can ask questions. He just didn't he knew the right ones to ask because he knew what the answer was. But so we can still ask the questions. We usually don't ask the questions. Yeah. Right. Yeah. You know? Because we don't have we don't have time or we don't have we don't really wanna know or, oh, it's gross. I don't wanna hear about it. Or we're stuck in our own muck and terror. Yeah. Well, and Jesus Jesus is like the it's a bad example. He's like the Usain Bolt of this operation. Right? Like, he can get a mile done in a no short amount of time at all. Right? And maybe we gotta walk it. Like, maybe we're slow rolling it, mall walk style and be like, I can't we can't get right to the thing. We're just not God. Right. And so but, like, we can still follow the pattern he has set out for us, live the way that he lived, pray the way that he prayed, right, and, like, constantly seek the holy spirit for help and interpretation on things that are going on. And, like, I think we're bailing on that too. I'm bailing on that. I don't I don't count near enough on god to handle a lot of the things because of my own means, obviously, I can't accomplish anything that God accomplished. Yeah. Yeah. We're we're not we're not giving it a long enough time. I guess I'm just processing while you're talking there. It's like, it's both. Like, we still got rid of love, and we have the relationship, and and and you ask the questions, you get the engagement. But it might take three years, but you still gotta turn the corner at some point to say, okay. What am I gonna do with all this information? Yeah. Not just say, oh, that's awful, but I know I have a way to help you. I think I think the way that if I'm looking at the concept of, like, the gotta we gotta love people, and we gotta tell people about Jesus and use words if necessary. I've heard that a a, you know, a million times. Right? I also would challenge our our not just, like, the fact that we love on our terms, but, like, it's a super cheap love, the way that we kinda present it a lot. Like, if your concept of this is, man, I'm really nice to people when I go to the gas station, and I make certain I say hi, and I say, god bless you when I, you know, thank the cashier for my coffee or whatever. Right? Like, if that's the extent of what you think is, like, I'm walking around being salt and light in the world is is doing that. It's no. You're not that that's not of course, that's ineffective. That's not something Well, so what is it? It's okay. So so tangibly then if someone does think that, like, okay. Well, what should I be doing? What does it mean to be salt and light in the world? Well, here's the thing. It's like, I I think it is it's not so much as if that doesn't count, but, like, it's not a wide enough scope. Right? Like, people aren't gonna instantly feel the love of Christ because you handed them a water bottle or because you were nice to them at the gas station. It's nice because it should outpour from your heart that, you know, like like, God changed that in you. So you do see intrinsic value in other people, and so you do treat them differently than than most people would. But the truth is for someone to actually get that scope that your life looks different than someone who doesn't know Jesus is they have to see more than just Right. Like, a a quick interaction. You know? It's not a transaction like that one piece. And so that is getting to know, like, on purpose

people. And and and I think sometimes we could easily get burned out in just assuming it's everybody all the time. Like, God has not designed you to be like a walking two dimensional billboard for Christianity. Right. You're not a you're not a package of glory fireworks just going around shooting off. Right. Correct. Now now maybe probably has, like, a a a set number of people or people that he has the holy spirit having you to be involved in, and it might take a lot of work, and it's probably great work. That doesn't mean it's it's not hard work, but it's it's good work. But the like, they need to see really, I the thing that I noticed most is, like, people who follow Jesus tend to be very consistent. Right? Like, you don't catch them in whims of of, like, ridiculous fancy, like, either towards anger or towards sadness or bitterness or, you know, like, everybody runs through that valley. Right? But we don't stay there very long because we're like, this is God's deal. Right? Whatever thing happened to us, my sorrow belongs to him, my bitterness belongs to him, my joy belongs to him, it comes from him. And so, like, we just don't tend to be like these extremes for very long or very often. And so, like, it adds credibility to the thing that you're trying to say about about who God is. And I think you're right in the concept. Like, the it's it's you know, yes, you're not the box of glory fireworks that's going off all the time. There are people that are, you know, there for the Ethiopian eunuch, and you're just walking down the road, and that's somebody that shows up. And then you talk to them about it, and then you get baptized and teleport. Right?

But sometimes it's like, gotta be with this person for years. And, like, I just have to keep showing up and and showing that this is that that I am I am a human being that will always screw up, but, like, God has never failed. Like, I've I've had both those situations where I feel like it was impactful conversations. It was the one time I met somebody. I handed him a water bottle. I gave him a bible or I gave him, you know, a shirt or a ride, and they weren't expecting it, whatever. And it was a one time thing. I may not have ever seen that come to anything, and it may be twenty years down the line that person goes, hey. Actually, that's crazy because in that horrible time in my life, I randomly ran to that guy who gave me a shirt or a thing of deodorant because I smell bad for an interview, whatever. But I've also been the dude that's been spending years with people that have been hurt for a long time, and it took years and years and years and year I'm talking a decade plus to the the dude literally looked at me one day and was just like,

I'm I can't stand you. And I'm just like, mean, that's fair, but why? And it was the fact that he was like, you continually have gone through crap. Like, there's been a lot of stuff, but here you are still. You still love Jesus. And I'm like, yeah. And they're like, why? Because you've been blah blah blah or whatever. Not to woe is me, why life story, but that's just he's seen it. And he goes, I've been there too, but I'm sitting here

in shame and in anger, and I hate everything and everyone, and I'm mad about all this different stuff. And then you've gone through worse, and you just walk around and, like, you have bad days, but you still love Jesus. You still pray. Go to church. You try and love on people. I don't understand. And I think there's merit in both of those things of, like, yes, there are the transactional pieces of you may not see somebody get baptized and come to Jesus right that second,

but that may be something that the Lord uses to go, I was there then, and I'm there now. Yeah. And I've never left you. And I needed to tell that story in your life through 50 interactions, but it was always people that were faithful to what I told them to be so that when they ran into you, you had a chance to go, holy crap. This is real. You remember the you remember that movie, the book of Eli? Yeah. Where they were talking like, the the the whole goal the whole premise of the movie was, like, there's this big apocalypse or whether nuclear fire. I don't know. But, like, it destroyed the whole world as a wasteland. Right? And, like, the the antagonist of the movie was just trying to find a bible. Right? Like like and and his whole goal was is these words in here, like, if you once you get it, you can control people. Mhmm. And and and it was what led to the whole undoing of the world in the in the first place. Right? And and as much as, like, that premise is is ridiculous,

somebody encouraged me one time when I was I was just getting down about, like, seed spreading. I'm like, I just feel like we're not watering anything. You know? And and, basically, they said, like, later in life, at some point in their life, they will hear the same words that that was being taught to them, you know, at the time that you were talking to them. And, like, it'll it'll it'll just create a thing in them. Right? Like like, it it'll come through like an old song that you used to know. And, like, you'll hear words that, like, are are standard Christianese words. You know? Like, you'll you'll hear somebody talking about being blessed or or or something about God's promises or a promise being made by God or something. And, like, all of a sudden, they will connect it with this emotion that they remember being loved there. Yes. Right? Like, they didn't understand the words that were being said to them. They didn't understand what, like, the the whole theology of the Bible that we were trying to talk about, but they did know that, like, they heard these words and then, like, their body just remembers being loved. Yeah. And, like, there there is something to be said about that when it comes to seed throwing. I think I think really what we're talking about is is, like, are we do we tend to just be content

hoping that maybe they caught a whiff of the holy spirit off of you? And when they come to ask you about it, you're like, here's more whiffs. Right? Here's more half sense. Here's a hint of what it is. You know? And and because if we were to cross that line between merely just loving like God loves and then bringing a truth that God also brings and, like, our our big scary part of that is is, like, we're gonna have to tell them about their sin. And, like, the holy spirit does that. Mhmm. Right? Like, we're gonna talk about them about where they sit in a in a in a world that was created by a god that created them on purpose and to invite that god into their life and let them start

looking at the world differently the way that god actually created it. And, like, we always think that it means we have to look at the five big deadly sins we know that they're up to and, like, that's the conversation we're gonna have to have. And, like, that has not been my experience. No. Right? When talking to people about Jesus, the holy spirit tends to sort some of that out. And if somebody comes up to you and says, hey. I feel like this is separating me from god. Do you think it is? Yes. Absolutely. Yes. I absolutely do think that is doing that for sure. Like, we would never lie about that or candy coat that or make that sound like that's not the truth, but, like, God just has a way of drawing people near to him and, like, people are looking for validity in some of the things they're reading in scripture, especially if they start reading their Bible. Hey, man. This boiling a goat in his mom's milk sounds kinda wild. You're like, yeah. It does. Yeah. It does sound kinda wild. Here's why that makes any type of sense at all. You know what I'm saying? And so, like, I think the the worry is is, like, we think that there's some kind of program where God's gonna eventually push us into, like, a situation where we're gonna have to say a very hard thing.

Right? And I'm not saying that that would not occur, but the thing that I think God is usually asking us to say is, like, will you just let go? Will you let go and let God do what he created you to do? Will you take your broke down, messed up station wagon back to the creator and let him put it back together how he designed it to be? That's the hard conversation that we're running from, and we always have, like, a picture that we're gonna be like, you have to stop swearing, or I know you look at porn online, or blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. These are conversations that we should probably have, but, like, people who actually are trying to follow Jesus, they'll come to these decisions on their own. A cursory reading of the scripture and hanging around people and looking at their spouse goes, oh, man. I gotta quit this. This is separating me from the relationships around me and the most important relationship I could have. Like, the holy spirit does all this work. It's a huge gift. And I think there's a level of this that goes that, like, part of our obedience in this to god is is to be listening for for the the the commands and the the things to do.

And I think that's that's something I'm terrible at. Like, I'm absolutely terrible at. I constantly am praying and asking god to give me direction, but then every time he does, I say no. Like, it's just it's just flat out ridiculous. Like, I will I will be in prayer going, god, I just feel like I don't hear you sometimes

when I'm like, I really just I don't understand. I'm trying to get what you want me to do, and it's not like I'm praying and asking if I should eat Wheaties or Cheerios. I'm praying and asking you what my next step should be. It's the morning. What does my day look like, god? You tell me. Where do I need to be at? And then he goes, here. You need to walk up and talk to that person, and I go, I really don't wanna do that. Yeah. You called Jason like I told you to? Right. Exactly. It's like, hey, man. Did you you see that person? You got that weird whatever tingle in your heart you've got that goes, that person looks like they're having a rough day. I would not wanna get involved in that. God's like, I'm telling you. Go. Go talk to that person or go ask them about their day or go do something ridiculous, like small. Like, hey. Can I buy your what it just it's whatever god's telling you, do? I I'm terrible at that. And I I find myself in places where, like, afterwards, I'm like, nah. No. That wasn't Jesus. That wasn't God telling me to do that. I don't know. Oftentimes, it's it's something that you like, it's unusual. You know? Yes. Go give that guy a fish sandwich. You're like, what? Like, how odd is that? You know? And yeah. So that's why you're, talk yourself out of it. I I probably made that up in my mind. You know? I don't know. Right. Yeah. The people that I've seen that I think I would call do this very well, and and and I've just seen them like they it's not even just the smells like Jesus thing. It's the fact that, like, they can tell me, yeah, I prayed for God to tell me what to do, and he absolutely did, and I did it. And it was such a cool experience, or I met this person and blah blah blah, or, like, this is this weird random connection, or I remember twenty years ago, blah blah, whatever. Right? Like, I hear their stories, and I go, well, that's not real. That's not a thing that's going on. Like, that's not how God talks to me or whatever. And it's like, maybe it is how he talks to me, and I'm just awful at listening and doing what he's telling me to do. Do you think that we find it, like, at borderlines on cheese,

like, when you try to roll that up to god when he's asked you to do something? Right? It's very easy to, like, give a man a sandwich Yeah. Or love people and, like, have them accept that you're just a very good person. Uh-huh. Right? Without like, they do they would have to see you for ten years to know that you love Jesus. Yeah. Otherwise, they just think you're a very nice man. Yeah. You know? And so, like but when it comes time to roll it up to god and say, I gotta be honest with you. I had zero business giving you this sandwich. God told me to give you this sandwich. I don't know what's going on in your life Right. Or what exactly he's trying to do with you or me today, but here's a sandwich. Right? Do we That's the step we don't take. That right. Yeah. Right. Because here's the thing. As I've watched so many people who I know love Jesus, I know that. Right? And they and they create programs or they create, like, this big outreach ministry, and they're okay with all this is gonna sound bad because this is not their intention, but all the credit falls on them or the church. Yeah. Right? And, like, I there's nothing that we're not trying to denigrate the church at all. But the truth of the matter is is, like, you sent out to love people. And if you never roll it up to say, I gotta be honest, I have a hard time loving people, but Jesus doesn't. Yeah. I think that goes back to, like, we're often praying, God help help people to know how much you love them by how much we love them. But like, if we stop at how much I love them, then really all I've done is is trying to make people love me. Right. As opposed to connecting

to to Jesus and recognizing how much God loves them by the picture of how much his people have and it both need to be true because like that is the means of which God is actually doing loving often, but like, you're, you're using your, your actions to paint a picture so that people can recognize the God that is behind them. You're right. And if it doesn't roll up to the, if it doesn't ever roll up to God and doesn't express itself in that way, you're actually, you're almost taking his name in vain, like for your own vanity, you are taking on the name Christian and taking on his identity. So that stuff points back to you and not to him.

So I think we just have to be There's a caution certainly in there that like, it isn't just for, Hey, God gave me a way to be liked. Thank you, Lord. Yeah. And so like at the end of the day, like and and I think it's just us being real intentional about it. Right? Like, people are going to take a shallow view of it and go, hey, man. Those people at at City Church,

they they just they they have a great program for Alcoholics Anonymous. We just we just love going there. Mhmm. Right? Like, it should be a a nearsightedness on their end not to go, god is really trying to help in this situation. Right? Like, it would be a nearsightedness on their part, but not through any lack of effort on ours to go, listen.

Right? We're calling you to a thing that God created you to be. Like, this is we're having a program because God loves you. I gotta be honest. People are hard to love. And, like, I wouldn't be here if if God didn't love you so very much. Right? Because, like, I can't take you. You're hard to take. Yeah. If people actually, if you can live your life in such a way that people can't separate your goodness from their understanding of your relationship with Jesus, then you're probably doing good. Yeah. And, I mean, it doesn't have to be you know, it doesn't have to be, like, convincing to the extent that you have to say,

I really hate all of this. The Lord made me do it. Yeah. I can't stand you. Jesus loves you. That's it. Right. That right. It doesn't it doesn't have to be that. So the problem is is this this ties into the part of the conversation that's gonna get cut out of last week's show a little bit. Right? It's like, if it's all you bring up, it can it can start to sound like a whitewashed tomb to somebody. Oh, totally. Because people can people can sniff fake. Like people can sniff when you're, when you're arbitrarily just throwing like, like

here's the thing. Some people may mean it. Some people it's out of habit, but you're like, like you're saying, God bless you all the time. Right. Like, feels like you're just going, piety, piety. I bless you. No, you don't. You didn't, you didn't really bless me. You just, you're just throwing words around. Right. And like, so, agreed.

And I think there is, I think that's the other thing. If the spirit can, if the spirit can find the things that are super hard to root out, the things that just get in folks and take their lives over and find a path to freedom, I feel like it's got the ability to find a path out of your piety and to make it feel like you don't get the sense that you gotta say something all the time that you get the right vibe for when is the right time, as long as you're willing to do it, as long as you have the aim for it. Because I think that's the other thing is like, God tends to speak into convert, like let you would listen into conversations he's already having. But if you're not having that same conversation, you just straight up ain't going hear it. If you're out there for your own glory, it's not like God's gonna, like, barrage back into that and go, no. Mine. He's not gonna fight you for it. Mhmm. But if you're out there for his glory, you're tending you're going to be receptive to that. And I think I I just if I trust everything else in the spirit's hands, I'm gonna have to trust that we're gonna get the right balance of this of this do I bring it up too often thing. Yeah. So here's here's some here's some real world. K? So the three dudes in this room with me right now were actively involved in me knowing Jesus. K? I met Dan when I was, what, 10, and and you pastored me as a child into, like, my, you know, go becoming an adult, and then I started coming here. And, you know, I met you two when I was 14, 15 maybe,

and then we started going to church together. I can tell you that most of the conversations and or actions or moments

that started to shape me when I was at my lowest and, like, the most unlovable in my own eyes were

not intentional, like, crazy Jesus conversations. It was changing my alternator at, like, 11:00 at night when it was negative fifteen at the windsong. You know? It was it was the fact that you guys kept inviting me to show and wanted me to be here when I wouldn't show up to church for six months at a time because I was still in a place where I couldn't wake up in the morning because I hated myself and everything about myself. And depression grabbed ahold of me, and I could not get up before 11AM.

Right? Like and it was ridiculous, but you guys still had me here. And it wasn't any conversation that I can call upon that words were said. It wasn't anything that I could look back at like that, but I could look back at the fact that you guys loved me when I felt my most unloved,

and I felt like it was impossible for God to grab ahold of me, but it wasn't to y'all. You guys were able to take a look at it and go, he's got crap going on in his life. Yeah. He's a pain in the neck. Yeah. He's freaking full of himself for no reason, and all this different stuff has he has no right to be respected or anything. And we could very easily just laugh at him and say, hey, man. It's not right. You just we we gotta cut ties. That didn't happen. I still was called back every single time that I asked to be back here. And I think that there's there's a big deal to say that because, like, it wasn't it wasn't like I said, it wasn't evangelism in my eyes. What it was is I saw Jesus through you guys, and I felt like he was holding on to me

in a lot of ways through you guys. Rarely was it me being alone at 02:00 in the morning driving. Most of the time, it was in this room. It was, it was over across the street. Like, I felt like people cared when they shouldn't, and they had no reason to. And I had to reckon with that to go, okay. If I'm unlovable, if I'm just a real pain in the neck in every situation and there's no reason for them to keep holding on to me,

why are they? Why have they not given up? Why am I still invited? Why am I still not just invited? I'm welcomed. Like, I came here and it's like, man, it's nice to see you, Buva. What have you been going on? Oh, I've been going to strip clubs a lot. I've been eating myself to death, and I'm Good. Trying Good. Yeah. Yeah. I wanna kill myself every week. Like, I shouldn't be alive anymore, and it'd be really nice if God bottle of water. Right. It'd be really nice if God would just kill me so I didn't have to do it myself, and you were guys were like, wow. That's really rough. We're glad you're here. And it was like, are you? Because it you are. It's real, and that was real stuff. And that's the reason I'm, a, alive. One of the some of the biggest reasons. God's obviously the reason. But, like, I'm alive and in this room today

because of those moments, because of the fact that no matter how many times I called you and said, dude, my car's broke down again. No matter how many times I called you, I'm like, guys, I need help. Like, I'm screwed over. I did it to myself, or I'm squaloring my life in sin, and everything around me is ridiculous, but, like, can I get a little bit of love in here? Can I get can I hang out and just feel present? And I've been even not on the show just sitting in the backroom crying because I'm just like, I'm not involved in the show, but I'm here around people that love me because God loves me, and I saw that. And there's so much power to that, man. Like

and it's that kind of stuff where we may not even realize what we're doing. We just show up because it's what we do, and we love somebody, and we show up and we love in their life. And it may be something as simple as inviting somebody to a show that they have no reason to be on and nothing great to say, but they're still there. And so I would never wanna discount those kind of things too, where it's not orchestrated, it's not rehearsed, it's not practiced, it's just, God, I got a heart for this person because God does. And I need to love on them because Jesus tells me it's true, but it's real. It's not just a command in my heart. It's the fact that they got a piece of it. You know what's interesting about that example though too, is that like, it was, if I think about the context of what you were coming to, like the words of Jesus were flying around. Oh, absolutely. Yes. You know what I'm saying? So like, because I think that

is, maybe that feels like the, there's, here's the thing that was, that was flying around in my mind, which is that like, I think we gotta be real cautious that we don't take segments of, of things that God

believes to be good news and then bifurcate them and go, well, we communicate this part because I think they're gonna agree. This is good. The love part. I think when we say hi and we take them somewhere and then they, and, and call them, they think they're gonna agree on that. Jesus says this bucket of thing is good news, but I'm not sure how it's gonna come. I'm not sure how they're gonna take it. And so like, I think there is, there is a risk to me, what feels like to me.

And I always felt this way too, but just again, how this is where our previous evangelism conversation went is that like, I think we often try too hard. Like we gotta figure out, like we're trying to crack a code. And I think that's actually true with the entirety of God's good news as well. Like we were talking earlier about, you know, like, we're free. I always feel like we gotta expose their five sins. And this goes to a conversation we're having just before the show, but like people know what they know that. Yeah. Because, because they feel it physically. Yeah. I mean, no, nobody goes around freelance sinning against the Lord and doesn't feel it physically. Right. They might medicate it away. They might try to convince people that's not the case. They might decide that it's a gluten problem, but I'm gonna tell you this. They can feel it. And so, like, the presence, this thing that you're gonna say is not going to surprise them. What will surprise them is you didn't beat them up with it. It will surprise them when you go, Hey man, I know you're carrying around stuff

that you need freedom from. That will surprise them. Surprise them to go like, oh yes, I know about that thing. And yes, I'm still here. And no, I don't intend to go anywhere. And there's nothing about that being true in your life. That's gonna cause me to go fleeing the exits. Right. And so like, it's, it's, it's, that's surprising, Mike. I think you're seeing that in the relationships in some of your youth group stuff is like, that's the thing that's surprising. It's not that they don't know where you're coming from. It's that you're still there. The thing, the thing that, that kids are dealing with all kinds, there's all kinds of things that fit into this bucket, but like the parents are wigging out and their youth pastors are wigging out and the pastors are wigging out and we're throwing salt and stuff on their car, hoping that they turn from the demons or whatever. And it's like, no, nothing you're gonna say will surprise or scare me. I might weep about it. But like, I look visibly shocked. That's right. It's like, oh, no kidding. I didn't even know that happened.

That's possible. But like, but it's not something because God was not shocked. There's the one picture Jesus on the cross is not one of like, oh my. I can't believe that put me here. Like, he's so he's aware, and there's a good there's good news, and the freedom is freedom regardless of what junk you bought to the freedom shop. That's the only thing that he deals back out with. And so like,

it's, it's that, but, but like it sits in a context and I think everybody also knows that. And so now that I'm remembering what our conversation was, when it was back to, when we were talking about evangelism before it was basically what do you, the risk is not so much that like that going about your regular everyday life, we think is still powerful. The problem is, is that we actually pull things back. You don't actually live your everyday life with people. I, would I say the same thing to somebody at work who I would, that I would say to this group of people, if they presented me with the exact same situation or would I go, you know, this situation is a bit tender and maybe I should be cautious and say something slightly different. Or I don't know this person very well. And like how you say it or what they understand or whatever, I mean, can play a part into it. But like, it's really the holding back and it's like, when is the right time? It's always the struggle I've had with like, I I sorry. This it's a shallow way to do it because, I think there's there's nothing wrong in general with seeker sensitive. Like, if people are looking for Jesus, you they should be able to find him in such a way that doesn't feel like they're sitting on the outside. That's right and good. But if something that you're doing says this is tailored to someone who has no idea, like when do you spring repentance on them?

Like you do, like that's the part that I can't deal with. Like, I don't, you always gotta do the whole thing all the time. And like, I get it's not the whole story, but like, it's just that, like, it just feels so shallow. Like God's waiting for you to get to a, to level up to level four. And then he goes, you've reached repentance level. Now the secrets come. And like, well, you wouldn't do that anywhere else. And so someone's struggling with I I mean, maybe you just met the person to go, look. Have you considered that you might be doing something that's causing your own self pain? Right. Yeah. And would be willing to turn from it and and follow what God says is good. And that's the most loving thing you can do. Because it's all good news. Yes. That's the point. And like, again, I trust the holy spirit to be discerning. I'm saying you can relieve yourself of that particular problem, though. You don't have to be the one who goes, you know, based upon the height and weight of this person and where they're from and who I know that their daddy is and that they played softball three years in a row, a catcher, I might add. Here's what I'm gonna say to him because I think this is gonna work.

That I want you to relieve yourself of. Just say the whole gospel's on the menu. Yeah. Love people because that's what God is doing through you, and then be be open to however the spirit wants to move. But I just don't take anything off. I think that's probably the the thing. You're not the marketing team that has to soften the blow in any way, shape, or form. Yeah. Gee. I you know, it's interesting because, like, Christians were great marketers. Never have been particularly. Like, they weren't they were they were people who, like, tried to tell the gospel story in a form of a game in the dirt or like, who are you? We followed the dead guy. Well, he's not dead anymore. You wanna hear the story? Like, this is it. Jesus was always the thing that the church had to offer. And when we got off the track is when we started trying to offer all kinds of other things, It's like the anti Pharisee. It's like the way of which you go, well, I just don't wanna overload them with the dead Jesus thing and resurrection and all this business. And so like, what if I start here

and I kind of work there and Paul's spiritual milk isn't all, isn't what we're doing. It's not like human stuff and like, oh, we'll make you feel hugged and then make you feel comfortable and then help you have a pretty decent marriage and maybe your kids are doing all right. And maybe you could manage your finances and then, oh, yeah. Jesus cares about all those things, and that's why we're even talking about it. So it's it's it's like never

missing an opportunity to explain God's love to people, not your love. The hope you have. Right? Because, like, I and, like, I I have like, I I just had this conversation with the youth a couple weeks ago. I'm like, like, honestly, my love can't save you. Like, it can't do I mean, it maybe even feels nice, but, like, it can't actually do anything for you. You know? And, like, all of this comes from from from God's love and God's heart. And, like and and and sometimes

we just we we think that our love is more palatable to people than God's love is. Yes. That's right. That we think the thing that we have to offer and our version of back to Dan's offer, like a version of what we say love is, we're like, well, I think they can accept this, this. The thing I'm asking is a step too much. And so I gotta start them off with mine. And, like, it's such a foolish endeavor because the thing that you were going to say or the thing that I'm asking is actually where the freedom is.

Right? Like, you're just you're just loved broken until your love put back together. Mhmm. You know? And so, like, I I bet maybe that's that's my one

thing to look out for is, like, just make sure that you're like, I'm not saying you don't love people where they're at broken. I think that's totally what Jesus does. But, like, he's got zero intention to leave them there. Right. Like, he's ran into the rich young ruler, and he's like, nope. You can't stay there. You you need you need to come out of that broken, and the ruler wouldn't have nothing to do with it. He had the same conversation with the woman at the well. You can't stay here. And she said, you're right. I can't stay here. Right? And so, like, he, like, continually invited people out of the broken. Like, all while I mean, he of course, he he just nails this perfectly because he's Jesus. Right? But, like like, I I think we struggle in, like, the timing of offering the broken. We should always offer a way out of the broken. That's actually the only offer we have. We don't have an entire toolkit or specialty tools to, like, fix these complicated problems. We just have one big tool that says, come out of the broken. And, like, that is it. That is our only thing. And then, like, where God wants to start surgically removing sin and God wants to start exercising entire limbs because they're causing trouble or cast them into hellfire,

this is what he's going to do. And, like, you can help them to see that well and see it through correct perspective, through God's word, and through prayer, and the holy spirit. Like, this is your that's what discipleship is. Right? Like, here's how to view these things correctly. Here's how to understand what God's heart is so you know how to how to follow him better. And and so you're not ending up in the broken all the time. You're always gonna be a little broken, and he's always gonna be a lot fixing. But, like, the the question is is, like, are we continually offering out of the broken or we're saying, look, We're gonna love you right where you're at and not ever offer you the option to get out? Yeah. We're gonna love this meth user and just let them stay where they're at and keep using meth. Right. And, like, I'm not saying where they're at and then leave them there. And I'm not saying there's not a time frame for that. Like, a holy spirit inspired time frame. Like, you don't just walk up to him with a needle already in the arm and go, you need to repent of this jazz. You're ruining yourself. You're ruining the people around you. And, like but maybe it is the time. Like, God knows that answer. Right? Like, sometimes it's a it's a heavy

iron sharpening a big old blob of nothing. Like, sometimes God says, look. It's they're only gonna hear it when you bring it right now and the whole thing and be explicit. Nail it. Right? And, like, I've totally had those conversations with people. It's very awkward. Right? But then on the other hand, like, sometimes they just need to know that someone cares enough about them to get them out of there and let them figure out why. Like, it it just seems like there's not a one size fits all answer here. Yeah. Because I think one of the things that we run the risk of is believing that the gap in most people's situation is either understanding or logical thinking. And it's not, it's not knowledge. It's not particularly information.

You can't hear even correctly the understanding of a good, good father coming from a household of which you don't even recognize that it can be possibly true. The notion of blessing, of rescue, of comfort, of peace that passes all understanding. You say these words and it feels like fairy tales to people. And so sometimes like God has to work through people so that when he wants to say a true thing, they even recognize what's true about it. Sometimes

you can't. And so like, I, or even we even run this problem calling to repentance or like, Hey man, that's sin. If it doesn't feel like it, if everyone else around them doesn't see it that way, if the culture surrounds them, doesn't say it that way. Then like, these are just words that you're saying. I don't have no idea. What does it mean that there's a break from what, what do I even care now? Like I said, I tell you the feel it. I I'm just not, I've never ran into a situation where someone doesn't feel the break about it, but they may not correlate the two. They may have be having a rough time going on in their mind and they wouldn't say you'd go, Hey man, is it possibly here where you're running from Jesus? And they go, I won. I didn't even know I've been running from Jesus. I just thought it's tough to be me. And like, so like, so what

you're doing, what we get to be part of is helping to remake the world in front of them so that they can recognize when they're in the pit. And so, so that the truth of God's rescue can actually hit with them. And so, you know, and so that's why it's all right. Like we don't need to it's it's don't. So I think the, the, the advice here then isn't isn't don't pull back. You want to bless people at the gas station and go to town, but, but, but that's actually what we're asking. So don't pull back. Like, don't don't withhold.

Don't feel like you got a gamesmanship thing. Just be on it. You're open to it at any given time to whatever depth God has. And but but if you need a bellwether, if you handed out water bottles your whole life and never told someone that turning back to Jesus from their current state of affairs was true freedom is found,

then probably have a limitation in you that you didn't even recognize and that you need to be cautious of and ask God to help with actually. So, so move and I were having a recent conversation. I was talking to thinking about working from, so I work from home and my job is real loose. I can do whatever I want most of the time. And so like, one of the risks is, is like, how do I know whether I'm actually providing

my company, my VA like value they're paying me. And like, I may not work forty hours. I may work sixty, but like, that was just me sitting in the computer. How do I know whether someone's getting my best, getting my all? And I thought, well, I mean, I'm every multiple days a week, I'm taking a kid somewhere in the middle of the day. I'm often, you know, doing stuff on my phone for work. And I thought I've got to level this out. I have to have an internal sense of, am I being lazy? Am I doing the thing that I'm supposed to be doing? Cause if my belt, my internal dinger is off, I might work twenty five hours a week and not feel anything about it. And so like, I've got some, I've got set aside time to say, look for these next three days, like I'm no phone, my phone can't be anywhere in the room and no, no random Facebook, no, you know, I don't know whatever the things are that I think may distract me. No, no. I can't take the kids anywhere over the next three days so that I know I've got a good sense of here's what three days worth of like full on work looks like that way when I'm not doing it, I can feel it. I know it. And so that's the thing you can be praying about too. It may not even be intentional. You're like, boy, I just been blessing people all over the place. And then you're like, God,

is this it? Am I, am I actually nailing it? And like, just, just see what it takes to start feeling like, Oh, I missed an opportunity. And because it's oftentimes we get just, you would get used up to the smell of our own shirts and then it's, you don't notice that you're kind of wandering off course. And so spiritually, I guess you're just praying on it and maybe being very, very, very intentional about conversations ago. I, in fact, I've seen people with some discipleship studies. I'm not sure about this because like, I think it kind of squashes. It says that you're forced something that maybe the spirit should guide. I don't know. But like, Hey, this week you gotta talk to somebody. You gotta say something to someone about Jesus, like about repentance or something. Like, it seems forced, but like, if you don't do, if you don't ever get in the habit or see what it feels like to do it, how do you know that you're just not missing it because your normal was different than that? I think the

biggest struggle maybe is to be continually in tune with the Holy Spirit and how he's leading as opposed to deciding what our task is. My task is doing a water bottle. My task is telling them to repent. Today I'm, you know,

taking the cues from the Holy Spirit of what's going on. Yeah. I I just went to a conference a few weeks ago, and it's it's a missionary conference, and and there's people from all over the globe that are high heavy hitters. Right? I mean, that's their whole life evangelism. Right? And and they're there and leaders and churches and and the, you know,

people are passionate about this. And I was talking to a buddy who overheard a conversation, like in the food court or something in a restaurant. The workers were talking amongst themselves because it's it's there was downtown in in a in a city that has has a lot of closed stores because

the last couple years. And the the guys were like, oh, man. This is great. We have all these thousands of people here, and we're gonna have tips. And the other guy said, oh, no. All they all they wanna do is talk about Jesus. They're not tipping. And and the guy was kinda like, come on. We can do better than that. You know? And I thought, oh, crap. You you know, like, you know? I mean, we've had that reputation in restaurants and stuff on Sundays and stuff, and I think there's gotta be there's gotta be a both. There's gotta be a balance. Oh, yeah. Totally. You can't just say, here's a million dollar tip. I've done my job. There's gotta be like, hey. I care for you as a human being. This is how you make your living. Let me help you. But also, hey. I want you to know Jesus loves you. You you know, you just gotta have a little both in there. Yeah. And it's not an either or.

And then then you don't want it to be robotic. You know, there's very few people that can make it just so genuine and can know, they really care. I know a handful, but most of us I'm I'm I'm that guy. I'm I'm the awkward guy. I I don't I don't know. I'm I'm happy to keep my water bottle. I'm I'm away. You know? It's gotta be better. And I think I think it boils down to that sensitivity to the holy spirit and his leading. That means we've gotta be in prayer. We've gotta be cultivating,

you know, that relationship with God. There's also a certain level to, like, the awkwardness thing should never be like a it should never be a hurdle for you. Yeah. Because, like, it's not you. Like, I wanna say to be there, and I'm not I'm not advocating that you're not involved in any way, shape, form. Like, there's no situation that like, there's anyone that god can't use. Yeah. Like, every single person God can use in ways. Like, the

Mike and I are used very differently within the kingdom. Like, I we will never be on the same like, I will never be the dude that shows up and fixes an alternator. I just won't be. That's not my that's I can't, And and God's never called me to do that. But I I'm called to do other things. Like, we have different like, there's no situation in which you should just be like, I'm not gonna do this because I'm not capable because God never has that as your story. Like, if you've intentionally asked him and you've got kingdom living in your heart, you're trying to do it, and that's, like, the thing that you're pouring out and you're intentional and genuine in these things, everyone can offer somebody something. God can work through every single person. There's no one that is completely outside of his power to make moves in the kingdom with. You have to keep that in mind. You're not impossible to be used. Yep. Mhmm. Hey. You're listening to live from the Path. Thanks for hanging out with us so far this evening. Maybe you got thoughts on that last conversation. You think we've got it wrong? You think we have it fantastic? You think you have a used dryer that you'd like to give to Troy? You can sure do that. Give that 5155170085.

It's (515) 517-0085. What's that? Hey, man. I'll take a car. No. No. Dryer. I know you said dryer. I'm just correcting that. Like, car. You've you sure you should say, Ben, did the spirit tell you? Because otherwise, you just corrected the spirit. Shoot. Did the spirit tell you it was a dryer? No. I just came up with that person. Car. Okay. Don't give me a car. Just in case anyone's out there, like, weirdly, oh, I'm done to do that. No. Don't not do that. That's weird. Yeah. Yeah. Fantastic. Just checking that. Yeah. So, anyway, let us know any thoughts on that conversation. We'd be totally interested in it. Mike, that one went long, so I think we can do some advice and then call this a night. Good. Here we go. Dear,

life from the past. I have been in love with a man for thirty four years. Mhmm. Good. I was married to him once. Oh, no. Then divorced him because of drugs. I I don't she didn't say whether he's on drugs or she's She's like, I'm out of here. I I've been remarried for eight years now to a wonderful man who's good to me but aloof to my needs or desires.

I'm not in love with him. When we talked early in the marriage about my needs, he got sullen and said he would try. That lasted a very short time if he's focused only on his wants and needs. Boy, you're not real good at picking out dudes. Three years ago, my ex lost his mother. I contacted his brother to offer sympathy, and then my ex contacted me. We have talked and cried together. He has apologized and asked for forgiveness. He then told me he has never stopped loving me. We have met a couple of times since, and I'm having a hard time deciding what to do. My home is more like a small office than a home. We have a business, a ministry, and I have a full time job. I can't just pack up and leave, but in my heart, I want to go back to my ex. I took a turn to that ministry? Yeah. He has been clean for three years, free from the drug related health problems, and is not going to return to that life. What do I do?

What do you mean what do you do? You're married. Honor your vow? Yeah. Yeah. You're married. Yeah. Now hold hold on a minute. Do you honor your first one? I think you severed that already and went on and married someone else. I used to do meth. Might as well keep doing it.

Well, it's not the same thing. It's a problem that existed in your life. I'm just I'm so the question the the maybe this is a this is a tangential question, but, if you shouldn't have divorced to begin with, it's possible that your second marriage is actually the sham. Yeah. But but it's still there.

It's it's still happening either way. I mean, apparently, it's a sham. Probably happened too quickly. Yeah. Probably a rebound situation. Yeah. My but but, like, I mean, couldn't you just call your second marriage adultery and go back to your first one? I I feel like Feel like I'm just jacking with Buba. He's having a hard time. No. But here's the deal. Dang it. You are jacking with me. Because here's the deal. Like, I don't know. I way that we handle divorce nowadays, it's it's it's a governmental institution is what it is. It's like, it's a piece of paper with the government that says we pay taxes together.

I don't know how to take that, though, because, like like, godly marriage is not defined in a piece of paper that the state recognizes. Mhmm. It's just not. Neither is it defined by the qualifications of which she is trying to define a marriage. Right.

But, like, from the argument of of she's married with the first guy, and that was the original marriage, and then his adulteress in this new marriage, kinda possible? Ben, you're blowing up, Moova. Sorry.

Moova's brain's broke. No. No. Listen. Listen. The you're I I first of all, there's there's a couple red flags here. I just wanna make sure we stay on track. Yeah. Yeah. You don't wait until the first year of marriage to discuss your needs. Oh, by the way. These are things we hash out prior to marrying people. And you don't reach out to your ex even through family to offer sympathy about a mother passing away.

That's so bad. Yeah. You could probably do this. Okay. Yeah. No. Yeah. You're cold hearted. Yeah. That's terrible, bro. Can't believe you. It's it's foolish to think that you're the one that needs to reach out with that sympathy. I think you're one of many. Also, in an unhappy marriage and also seeing the ex that you are still in love with is better off. Yeah. But that wasn't I was their story was not the goal, or they would have gone, hey. Let's have coffee so we can talk about how bad your situation. It was like, let me tell your brother. Tell your brother. I'm sorry. Yeah. Same song and dance that goes through everybody that decides to cheat on their spouse. Yes. This relationship is going great. We cried together. We talked for a very long time. We're sharing no mutual responsibility.

100% agree with going through life at all together. And so you're looking at this doofus that you married, which frankly, I mean But you're sharing a ministry with. Yeah. Well, you're sharing a ministry with. Here's the thing. It's like you didn't mention that he changed completely after you got married. So that means you married a dude that is aloof to all of your needs, and then you're like, I can't believe he's aloof to all of my needs. I'm not saying that this man doesn't have some things he needs to change. He's welcome at life from the path. We'll straighten him out over a couple weeks. Yeah. Like Decades. At the end of the day, ladies,

you chose this man. You married this man. And, like, you're looking at your ex who is off drugs now for three years, and I'm happy he is. But, like, for for him to take this weight that he created, he's a gypsy wagon. He brought the problem and the solution in the same wagon. Right? He's like, I'm the problem with the drugs, and then now that I'm off drugs and I'm doing much better, I'm now the solution to your problems. Right? And, like, I'm not saying that he didn't turn his life around, but to say now the like, to bring this sack of potatoes into your new marriage, this is not the characteristics of a good god honoring man. No. This is a man that needs that needs to stay in his lane and loves you enough to let your marriage flourish, not for him to sneak back in the side door. It's very selfish. It is kind of. And you're like, but it's true love.

You you're getting in the way of true love feelings. Once again, you're creating a situation that doesn't currently exist. Right? You have zero idea that once you sack your husband and then marry your old ex husband, and now you start sharing responsibilities again and day to day chores and questions that come up through the through the the day to day of living in a marriage of responsibilities and disappointments and two people that are not the exact same person that create conflict. Right? You're you're putting all those back to the side and act like you have no idea that they exist. And so right now, that relationship looks on fire and awesome because you're sharing a common grief point, and he's turned his life around in the area of drug use. That is all.

Right? And then you're like, I should rekindle this thing. Like, love him. Yeah. You love him because you're not expecting anything out of him. He totally let you down, and now he's gonna offer a little more than that. Still not more than you deserve. Right? Still not what you deserve in a husband. Now the guy that you're married to sounds like a real doofus. I think he needs some good Christian dudes to be good. I'm gonna try. I'm aloof to your needs. It's the best I can do. That's terrible, especially if you're running a Tell us what those needs Yeah. What does it mean? What she want more talking, more shopping, more pudding. I don't know. What else, Dan? What else makes up a marriage besides talking about the what the little lady says. I'm really wanting to this. You know?

Think this is a sex problem? I don't know. It sounds like a sex problem to It sounds like a sex problem because they're like, she's weirdly just using the word needs. Yeah. I explained my That's what he was. One year in. Oh, she was married to a Casanova. A a drug laced Casanova? Yeah. Yeah. And I wonder if he was on drugs, like, the whole time or just after they got married, he started doing heroin. I don't know. That doesn't change the the situation for me. I'm just interested to hear if she married a drug addict that never changed, and he went or she went, I can't believe you've never changed. I think that Or if him became a heroin. Lover, but he really wasn't. Well but if she thinks he was, that's why this There's also partner crisis. How many years later, I'm a very different person than I was ten years ago. I wanted very different things than I wanted ten years ago. Like, it's it's it we keep we always run-in the situation where it's the same thing of, like, it's the dude a couple weeks ago that said, before I got married, I got everything I ever wanted. I could have any lady in the world when I was 20. Now

that I'm 42 Yeah. And I'm fat and gross. Yeah. And and she just doesn't even realize what I could have out there. It's you're ridiculous. Right. And you have Stop looking for greener pastures. That's the thing. It's like and dudes get this way, and, like, apparently, everybody is equally susceptible to this line of thinking. This is the type of advice that people don't wanna hear. Right? They're like, you should follow your heart and go back with this dude. Go back with Casanova. Your heart's lying to you. Yeah. Your heart sucks. It's like it's not telling you the truth. No one's putting your current husband up on a pedestal. He sounds like a real doofus to me. But on the other hand, you're you're comparing it to a relationship that has no trials, that has no responsibility,

and is going off of, like, freedoms that you had younger in life when you were younger and when he was younger, right, that don't exist for you right now. Right? You're you're making up a scenario in your head, and you're you're gonna be met with disappointment when when when you cash out of your second marriage only to remarry your first one. And let's say that he stays off drugs. I I hope that he does. Right? Everybody wants that for this man. But once again, you're not the same people you were when you were originally married, and you broke that marriage off for a reason.

Right? And now all of a sudden, you're willing to forget all those things and walk right back into a big pile of crap, which mind you, this is exactly how your sin plays out in your world. Right? You go through a horrible thing and, like, you're there are waves of guilt and destruction, and then God will rescue us out of it. And then not six months later, you start looking back on it fondly like it wasn't that big of a deal. And actually, it it it was okay actually now that you remember it, and the consequences weren't all that bad. Right? This is this is how she's looking at her first marriage. And, like, I once again, I this is not a counseling session, but, like, I would advise against this wholly

and in every aspect. I think it's a terrible idea. Wait. So just to clarify, though, were you against her providing condolences? I was not. Okay. So you can provide condolences. You just, like, absolutely no other contact. Hey. Hey. I'd like to meet. No. I mean, to Buva's point, obviously, she can't even pull off giving honest condolences.

Right? I'm worried that the condolences had had ulterior motives. I'm worried that she's very unhappy in this marriage. Mhmm. This man is now off of drugs, which she seems to think was the only problem, and then she looks back at this and goes, maybe not the initial intention is like, oh, I could definitely set up more conversation if I did condolences. To the brother. To the brother that could very easily

morph into something. Because it's not like the brother isn't gonna tell her, his brother. Like, my ex reaches out to my or my brother's ex reaches out to me after my parents passed away. I'm be like, hey, man. You know, random person called me last week. It was crazy. And then that guy goes, oh. Yeah. I mean, I I just called for what it is. It's so fine to offer condolences. Don't have ulterior motives. Now just I mean, once again, does this sounds like every drug addict I ever known, though. Yes. Right? Like, they show up with some kind of impossible situation where you cannot be upset at them for their drug use or terrible life choices, and they they're like but they call and they say this thing, and you're like, ugh. Well, I don't think drug addict aside, I'm gonna have to get involved in this. I don't think the drug addict reached out to her and said my mom's dead. Like, I think they've that she found out. She heard. She calls the brother. Yeah. The brother tells the the ex husband. The ex husband then reaches out, and that's where she should have said, no. Thank you. Yeah. She's guilty of the second look. Right? Like, the dude who sees the very attractive woman and says, well, you couldn't help it. You saw her. And that's, oh, I'm married. I'm looking the other way. She said, hey. I'm looking again. Yeah. That person, we should be together. Yeah. And that's where she's gone with

because because of a former relationship. Yeah. I'm She was there quicker. I'm just thinking to myself, like, I can't I can't imagine a situation in which I even if I'm sincerely just trying to say, you know, that stinks, that I should reach out to any relay or any person in my ex relationships' lives. Like, I don't need to offer those condolences. They're getting plenty of condolences. They're not thinking about me. I'm not thinking about them. It was right. My sympathy isn't gonna change anything. You're not the fixed every situation. No. You're not. It's Eric. You can just go, man, that's a really tough time, and then walk on past it. That's interesting because that that that would preclude you from all kinds of normal day to day things where someone goes, oh, man. I'm running a little bit short on at the gas station because you may got $2, and you go, I'm not the fix to everything. What's my what's my arrogance that it has to be me? No. I think you're taking that too far, though, because I think it's totally different because of the fact that it's it's the it's the ex relationship. Like, obviously, I'm not I'm not advocating for you don't fix things, therefore, don't get involved. I'm saying your condolences

to your ex's mother passing away when you're already in a marriage that you hate to be in and are no longer in love in, it's it's all the pieces being taken in that go, you didn't need to reach out to the brother knowing knowing that was gonna end up with the ex. I don't I'm not well, I mean, as they would know it. I don't know that that there was a presumption that they would call. Again, I I don't think that seems offense to many. I mean, just say no to the coffee or whatever. That's fine. Okay. Okay.

Secular says the question was, what do I do? Secular says, the relationship you have described with your self centered husband seems more like a business partnership than anything else. From what you describe, he's either unwilling or unable to give you what you need. Unless you like like living in an emotional desert, you will have to take charge of your life. Oh, boy. Wow. If you decide to divorce your husband, I urge you to take a long pause and not rush back to the altar. Get to know your ex again. Learn what pressures drove him to substance abuse. Although you care for him, the last thing you need to do is wind up back at square one. Yeah. You know what's interesting? It might have been her. Yes. I was thinking That's a valid point. He might he might hit the pipe or whatever she's around. Jeez.

Nancy's back in my life. So is Miff. That's terrible advice. That's awful. Holy cow. Some of the worst I've heard from secular.

Yeah. And the secular didn't even say you should go to counseling. No. Right. That's crazy. Or call the police. You should go to an ex marriage counselor. Secular is good at calling police. Divorce count counselors? Oh, I'm sure. Yeah. Like, I'd like to get back together with my previous divorce. Oh. Oh. I wanna be looked at. That's specialization.

Yeah. Sure. It's a rough life. Okay. Ready? Yep. Last one. Yep. Sorry. There's a lot of there's a lot of marriage problems today. I think there's always marriage problems. Mhmm.

Let's do a let's do a mother as a teen. Here we go. You're alive from the path. My daughter's about to turn 14 and wants a good job. We just found out that in our state, 14 and 15 year olds could work if they get a permit. I'm very concerned. I tried negotiating with her by telling her that her dad and I will give her a job at home and pay her, but she insists on working to help with our family finances. I have congestive heart failure and adrenal insufficiency, which is why I can't work outside the home. Her dad, my husband, is the only source of income. While I admire her desire to help out financially, I'm very anxious about her being out in the workforce. I'm not paranoid.

At various points during my youth, I was sexually abused and assaulted by several men. Realistically, it is dangerous, and I personally think she's way too young to work outside the home. Please tell me if I'm being overly protective or whether my concerns are legit. Your concerns are legitimate. Yes. Yeah. Like, yes, that happens.

Based on her past Exactly. She's dealt with that. Right? Yeah. But, like, do you Bubble Boy your kid then? Yeah. Like, is your kid always in the home then forever? I mean, I'm not I'm not advocating, like, let them go crazy and just, like, you know, Rumspringa style, but, like, I feel like oh, I don't know. I I I get the thought. Yeah. So so this is where this is this becomes difficult because you're starting to to having to wade through

the the the the reality of the world isn't just that. Right. Oh, is it do I feel am I right to feel anxious about it? Probably. Yeah. Of course. Based upon your past, but it doesn't mean

it doesn't like someone else may not be anxious about it all because they had a different past. It's not that they're wrong. Right? It's that based upon your experience, this feels something that is very anxious to you. And that's understandable. If your kid acts like it's probably not big of a deal, you might be overreacting

to them in a way that doesn't feel like it's overreacting to you. And so you do have to be real cautious here because the thing is, is like, oh, if you go, oh, am I overreacting? And I go, no, then she feels real justified about like locking down the kid and saying, no, you can't go out there sometimes. And this is, this is a hard, it's hard to be able to look at the world and go, I'm taking this thing in heavy. And I know why I'm taking it in heavy. And I feel it heavy even still. Know that most people don't go through these types of experiences. There's thousands and thousands of teenagers within five mile radius who are having a job, had a job at 14,

and these situations are happening. I recognize that that's also true and it's okay to say that you have trouble balancing those things, but like, you need to be cautious that you have at least have this conversation with the fact that you know, you have bias seems wrong because it feels like it's something that you're choosing to have,

or that's wrong to have. It's an okay bias. It's earned. It's like your certain situation has gone to it, but you do have one. Yes. And so the, the, unfortunately, I think the answer to the question really is like, it's both, like you, you, you are, it's understandable why you feel that way. But I understand where your kid's coming from here is like, it's that she wants to help. I think you probably should say yes to this.

I mean, I think you may have to, but maybe start slow. Start thinking, go slow, have an easing in for the first year. Yeah. You know? And It's okay. To 15 year olds aren't gonna go start a forty hour work week Right. To where they're, like, you know, doing that. They're gonna get a two to three hour shift at a grocery store. Yeah. And then they're surrounded by people. And because they're minors, guess what? They're gonna have an eye on them at all times.

Like, they're gonna know what's going on, all that kind of stuff. Not to say the danger isn't there. Mhmm. But it's a lot more controlled than you're thinking. Well, and here here's what's interesting is that, like, the danger of that kind of of the things that she's worried about don't go away at 16, 17, 19. Absolutely not. They probably get worse between '19 to '23. Yeah. And so, like, you know, and I I should you probably don't wanna hear that, but that is the reality of this. And what a great way to prepare them for that kind of thing to happen is to have the kind of experiences that build the right confidence and the right skills and the right awareness

of things. Like, your 14 year old has a job. They have to keep an eye out for that kind of stuff. If you've talked to them about your previous trauma, then they know about those kind of things existing in the world. And then when they turn 18, they're not just thrown out to a job that goes, oh my gosh. This is possible. This is terrifying. They're aware of that over years of building up that socialization and ability to build up those kind of skills they need. And I would say, like, it sounds like if I'm gonna take you at face value, the type of 14 year old that would go,

I wanna get a job for my family's finances is the same 14 year old that should be able to understand and say, look, I'm I'm gonna, I wanna let you do this. You know my background. And so can you slow walk it with me a little bit so that I can become more comfortable? I may wanna talk to the manager there. I know it could be embarrassing for you, but again, I'm trying to find a way to say yes, even though everything in me wants to say no. Can you work with me? I feel like your kid will get on board with Communicate and compromise with this kind of stuff. It doesn't need to be a yes or no black and white leave it alone. It could be a conversation that turns into, like, things that are good for both of you. And here's the deal. The flip side of this is maybe there's a level of this of of your child going out and being able to do this kind of thing that helps restore the the the faith and things like that that you may have and restore some pain that you have because that's not the entire face of the world. Like, that's not how every single situation plays out. Then you can see that you may be still very fearful from the traumatic things that have happened, but you can see that there is

good out there, and there is a world in which that doesn't happen. Yeah. Find find a way to to look at the problem and say, what conditions would have to exist before I can at least say yes to this. Right? And if that means that you have to drive her, like like, you're not driving, and just say, look. You know, like, so now you don't have to worry about her stopping at a gas station by herself or whatever. Like, I will drop you off and you will go into work, and then and then, you know, your dad will come pick you up and and, like, he'll get you on the way out and, like, this is what I can offer. You know? And, like, if she's willing to say yes to that, which I think she probably will be, you know, like and and once again, like, there's there's a great time to start educating Right. You know, her how to, you know, be aware of surroundings and parking lots and and and all the stuff that, like, like, I never think of, but my wife certainly does. You know? Stuff that I wouldn't, you know, I wouldn't take in the world as being a scary thing or whatever and, like, I you know, stuff that I would never teach my kids because it just never occurred to me as a as a a dude. You know? And so, like, this I I think you know you know for a fact that you can't take away take away all the world's danger,

but you can educate as much as you can against it. And especially at her age, you can say, look. You know, I want you to have all the freedoms that you're asking for, but you know enough about me to know that I'm I'm gonna have to ask you to give a little. And and the fact that she's, like Ben said, is willing to go to work to help with the family finances, I can't imagine she's gonna throw your past experiences out the doors if they don't matter. Right. So okay. Secular says,

your daughter is to be applauded for wanting to help with the family finances. To me, it shows her level of maturity. Because she's inexperienced in the ways of the world, you and her father should sit down with her for some frank discussions. Explain what sexual harassment is and make it clear that if she feels any pressure at all, she should tell you so you can help her safely deal with it. Unlike years ago, today, there are laws that offer protection to female workers. She should understand what the term hostile work environment means. As long as she knows she can come to you and her dad about anything that makes her uncomfortable, she should be safe. I think that's a that's a real

misunderstanding. Yeah. We're not talking about people being casually sensitive to us at work. I think we're talking about people who actually abuse and, like, it's totally. So, like, flipping comments or unwanted, you know, touches at work are something you'd be concerned about. I'm sure you can do it a bit, But, like, I think she's concerned for way more actual things happening. Yeah. And, like,

people who are who are perpetrators of those kind of crimes aren't generally the ones who will sexually harass first. Right. You know what I'm saying? Like, they're just not right. Or go, oh, well, there's laws on the book, so I think I'm gonna avoid this video. Yeah. That turns there's evil. Yeah. Correct. Alright. Hey. You're listening to Life From The Path. Thanks for hanging on with us. We really do appreciate. If you got any feedback from the show, give us a call or text on the Bob Eisenhower live from the past. Complaint line, (515) 517-0085. Again, that's call or text (515) 517-0085. We would love to hear from you. And I don't know. The the rest of the year is looking looking bright. I think we might be kicking some more shows out for you. We will see you, hopefully, next week. In the meantime, be faithful in the means. God will handle the ends. You've been listening to live from the past.