Red heifers, Hebrews authorship, and cursed fig trees

An extended improvised comedy riff spirals from a friend's childhood story about a Catholic teacher telling him a child born out of wedlock has no chance at heaven, into speculation about red-heifer temple-rebuilding fundraisers, the authorship of Hebrews ('his name was Unknown... the Greek for unknown is like Bob'), and selling cursed fig tree lawn ornaments. One host describes actually building a paper-mache fig tree and cursing it.