A host gives a long comedy account of his house falling apart in a week and a half: a sink leak under the subfloor, a cracked fridge ice-maker line, radon remediation, a sparking stove, and a dead dryer. Hunting for a scratch-and-dent oven at Lowe's, he meets a lone employee who claims everyone left because the pope is in town, and learns the pope is supposedly at Nathaniel's house, where the whole Lowe's staff has gathered on the lawn. Nathaniel lets him in and agrees to give 'pope-style advice' from the balcony to disperse the crowd.