Dear LFTP: engaging the stepdaughter's anxious, silent fiancé

• How do I get to know my stepdaughter's anxious, silent fiancé and make him feel welcome?

A listener's stepdaughter is engaged to a wonderful young man of over three years whose overwhelming anxiety leaves him nearly silent at family gatherings; he skips nearly every event and the one holiday meal was painful. The advice: stop pressing him into big family things; start small — a movie, watching a football game, something where he doesn't have to talk; go to his turf (credited as Dan's suggestion); you can't cure real anxiety with love, so try a different tack. A host riffs the Looney Tunes sheepdog who wants to 'love him and squeeze him and call him George.' They push back on the Secular answer (have a serious talk about whether his introversion is a red flag, ask if it's everyone or just the family, whether autism spectrum or intimidation): calling off the marriage over family-gathering anxiety is unfair — but if he can't manage even a one-on-one conversation, the marriage will have real stress and that does seem selfish.