Dear LFTP: the grandma, 'Libby,' and the weight comment

• Was I wrong to mention my concern about Libby's weight?

Mike reads the letter: she moved 2,000 miles to be near her daughter's family; granddaughter 'Libby' was diagnosed with a medical condition and put on weight. At her daughter's she started to mention concern about Libby's weight; her son-in-law cut her off, said she shouldn't talk about it, and walked away. Later he came to her house: filter what you say; you've made remarks that hurt the grandchildren. She apologized by text; her daughter never came to talk. 'Was I wrong? Am I wrong?' The hosts: the letter is missing key bits - tone, history, what else she's said. Maybe the parents are hypersensitive or guilty about parenting; maybe grandma 'just feels like she has to say the things all the time.' It lands as judgment: 'you show up what once every three months and then all of a sudden you're like, man that kid put on some weight.' But asking 'I noticed this - is something going on?' isn't inherently offensive if you're close; closeness is the key variable - 'just because you care about somebody... they don't know nothing about you.' The son-in-law showing up instead of the daughter signals 'a broken relationship problem': 'we always had a blood talks the blood rule - I'll talk to my parents, you talk to your parents.' The Secular answer: disappointing that the son-in-law came rather than the daughter; weight is a sensitive subject, especially with a medical condition - trust the doctor's care; 'it may be time to close your mouth and turn on your listening ears'; private conversations with your daughter must actually be private.