Dear LFTP: the perfectionist party-planner husband
- Am I unreasonable for refusing formal, perfectionist dinner parties?
A listener in a second marriage says her husband Alec plans formal dinner events, stresses over perfection, and stays irritated through them, while she prefers casual potlucks. Dan frames it as Mary and Martha: two personalities — relax and enjoy family, but if you are wired for perfect, do the work without resenting her. The hosts add that the 'quirky person' must bear the weight of their own quirks, advise honoring the spouse's preference in turn, and suggest trading off holidays. The Secular answer agrees: he cannot impose his entertaining style on her family; divvy up the entertaining.
More on Hospitality
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Dear LFTP: the single man and the holiday cliques
- Would it be wrong for the lonely single man to start declining holiday invitations?
The first Dear LFTP letter: a single man, happy with his life and plenty of friends and family, dreads the holidays — at Thanksgiving and Christmas gatherings of 15 to 25 people,…
From No. 603 · Found Out
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Dear LFTP: the inclusive dinner and the autistic boy
- How can I stay inclusive when a new family's severely autistic child disrupts my neighborhood movie night?
Mike reads the first Dear LFTP letter: a single woman hosts monthly inclusive neighborhood dinners and movie nights (kids, dogs, a ramp for an elderly neighbor), but a new…
From No. 600 · Rage The Elephant
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Dear LFTP #2: friends who always bring extra people
- How do we stop friends from inviting extra people to our gatherings?
Mike reads the second letter: dear friends who socialize a lot keep inviting extra people to gatherings at the listener's lake house — including, once, a passed-out stranger ('my coyote fell asleep on the couch').
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Dear LFTP: the $600 lawnmower and buying them a mower
- My nephew's wife took my $600, lied about it, and is avoiding me. Should I say something or let it go?
Mike reads a letter from someone who gave a nephew's wife $600 for a self-propelled lawnmower; she spent it, never bought the mower, and now avoids them.
From No. 587 · Coffee After Sunday