Dear LFTP: the controlling ex named Pete and dating Darren
- Should I resume dating Darren or would that prove my ex right that I cheated?
A woman was married almost twenty years to Pete, a jealous controlling man who emotionally abused her and said her daughter's 24-hour-care illness was 'ruining our retirement.' After divorcing, she started seeing Darren, an old friend her ex accused her of cheating with; she broke it off because she did not want Pete to claim he broke up the marriage. The hosts say she is still letting Pete control her — he abdicated, he is a jerk, stop answering the phone, block him, deny him instant access. The boundary rule: you are only denying instant access, not cutting someone off; they can still knock on your door. The Secular answer agrees: quit letting the ex control you, talk with Darren about resuming, or find a psychotherapist for tools against manipulation.
More on Boundaries
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Dear LFTP: the mother-in-law moved in
- My mother-in-law moved in seven months ago and it’s been difficult — how can we sort this out?
The last letter comes from a wife whose mother-in-law moved in seven months ago with no boundaries, rising bills, unpaid prescriptions, and open disrespect.
From No. 604 · Rearview Mirror
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Dear LFTP: Ralph calls three or four times a week
- How can I get my retired friend Ralph to call less frequently without being rude?
The letter: 'Ralph,' a longtime best friend, retired and is bored, so he calls three or four times a week 'even when there's nothing new to talk about,' rehashing the same things; subtle hints haven't worked; letting it go to voicemail just earns a callback request.
From No. 602 · Relationship Counseling
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Dear LFTP: the senior-living handshake letter, and the close
- How can a senior-living resident politely decline the dining-room manager's handshakes?
Mike reads the second Dear LFTP letter: a senior-living resident whose dining-room manager (Manny) shakes hands at residents' tables, and who dodges with wet or greasy hands — how to decline politely?
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Dear LFTP: the fiance who games until 5AM
- What should the letter-writer do about her fiance's all-night gaming habit?
Mike reads a Dear LFTP letter from a woman engaged five years to Dustin, who games from 10PM to 5AM, skips chores, and gives her no attention; talking has not helped since 'he grew up gaming.'
From No. 598 · Emphasis | Accountability, Worship and Praying with Strangers