Dear LFTP: the $4,200 loan that never came back
- How do I get past the sadness over the $4,200 loan my friend never repaid — do I just let it go?
The final Dear LFTP letter: a year ago a supposed friend asked to borrow money — her husband had left the country to renew his visa, her car was repossessed, she had no way to get to work. The writer lent $3,000 to get the car back, then another $1,200, thinking of her kids. The husband made it back, both are working now, she ignores texts about the money — and they just took the kids to Florida. 'How do I get past this sadness? I could really use the money back. Do I just let it go?' The room: yes — 'just write it off, it's a gift.' Never lend money expecting it back; if you do, you'll be the person glaring at the 20-ounce Dr Pepper in their hand and unable to enjoy their vacation for them. The Secular answer agrees: 'you should have let it go the moment you handed the money over... always consider it a gift and be pleasantly surprised if they ever pay you back.' And stop lending to them — not because of how it affects you financially, but because 'you're enabling them to make very poor decisions': 'if you love them enough to give them the money as a gift, you also should love them enough to withhold the money so they figure out how to deal with money.'
Clips from this
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Treat loans like gifts or lose the friendship
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Dear Live From The Path — the loan that was really a gift
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More on Forgiveness
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Dear LFTP: the stolen college fund and telling the 90-year-olds
- Should I tell my 90-year-old parents that their grandson stole my granddaughter's college fund?
Ben hands to Mike, who reads a grandmother's letter: her son helped himself to the college money the great-grandparents set aside for her granddaughter; she fears telling her parents, in their nineties, could shock them into a stroke.
From No. 586 · Nothing Personal
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Dear LFTP: forty years of a cheating wife and a temptation
- Would it be wrong to rekindle an old friendship for intimacy when my wife has cheated for forty years?
A man approaching his fortieth anniversary writes that his wife has always been a serial cheater, a secret he kept to protect the children's view of her; with retirement and a sexless marriage he asks whether rekindling things with old female friends would be wrong.
From No. 581 · Silly Rabbit | Christianity, Culture, and Navigating Social Expectations
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Dear LFTP: the stalker ex-girlfriend
- How do I get my stalker ex-girlfriend to leave me alone?
Mike reads a letter from a man whose ex-girlfriend keeps trying to get him back, even stalking him, after he blocked her number.
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Dear LFTP: apologize to Harry?
- Should a mother apologize to her daughter's boyfriend for yelling at him during a move six years ago?
Mike reads the first Dear LFTP letter: a mother who yelled at her daughter's boyfriend Harry during a miserable move six years ago is now being asked to apologize; Harry has improved as a father but still holds the grudge.
From No. 574 · Starring Ted Danson as Joab